Head Over Feet
by andrews-wife
Summary: I take over in New Moon, after Edward leaves Bella heartbroken. Jacob is in love with Bella, but she doesn't feel the same. But what if she fell for him as well? What if Edward returned? How would she choose? Or will the decision be made for her? Lemons!
1. Chapter 1 Fake Smiles

Chapter 1: Fake Smiles

Deep Breath... Calm down... Just a dream....

I was laying in my tiny bed shaking and soaked through with sweat even though the window was thrown wide open, letting in a bone chilling breeze. I would always open my window at night, after Charlie had gone to bed. I know I shouldn't hope... it's sick really. It's been weeks and weeks and he has not made any contact whatsoever. The automatic tears that always flow when ever his name is mentioned, or thought of, or even if something little reminds me of him, threatened to fall, so I quickly got out from under all my piled on blankets and took a shower to help clam down.

Standing under the scalding water, I tried not to think to much, but to no avail. Today was Saturday, so no school. The weekends were the worst days. I have almost nothing to occupy myself and by the time Monday gets here, I am almost out of my mind.

After I was done I began to clean my room. I re-organized my books and CDs. I picked up all my dirty clothes and did a load of laundry. I started breakfast and coffee for Charlie and made him something to take with him out on his boat while he was fishing today. Around seven Charlie came down. He thanked me for the food and sat down to enjoy his favorite breakfast of eggs with ham and cheese, and toast with jelly. He was such an easy man to please. I never understood why my Mom hated it here so much. Charlie was easy enough to get along with. He really loves us...

Charlie broke into my train of thoughts with a question.

"Aren't you hungry?"

"No. Just coffee today."

He still looked concerned and like he was about to say something again so I said, "I'll eat something here in a bit." I threw in my Fake Smile to try to help a little.

"Alright. Well, just so you know, Jacob Black is coming over today to do some work on your truck for me. The kid could use the extra cash and I thought you might like some company. I hate thinking of you here alone all day."

"Dad, you don't need to do that." I was trying not to let my anger show, but it was hard. "I can take care of my self."

"Didn't say that you couldn't. Just said you might use some company. He will be here around noon, so make enough lunch for him, if you don't mind." And with that, he stood and grabbed his bag of lunch, kissed the top of my head and said a quick 'thanks' and was gone. I listened to his cruiser pull out and drive until I could no longer make out the sound.

For the rest of the morning I tried my best to keep my hands occupied. After cleaning every room I sat on the porch swing with my bag of knitting. Once, a few years ago, my Mom and I took a knitting class. We only went to about three meetings but I picked it up really fast and actually enjoyed it. I was working on a scarf for no one in particular right now. I was just using some black yarn I had left over from a sweater for Charlie and not really paying attention to much other than the music coming out of my stereo and the needles and stitches in front of me when a hand came down on my shoulder out of nowhere. I jumped visibly and let out a loud scream as I looked up into the laughing face of Jacob Black.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you!" he continued to laugh at me. "Man, you jumped, like, a mile in the air!"

"Yeah, ha-ha." I said sarcastically.

"Well, um... I'm supposed to do some work on your truck..."

I interrupted him. "Actually, I already had a mechanic look at it, Charlie didn't know I already had it taken care of. Sorry."

"Oh really? And who did you go to?"

"Oh someone down at Dowling's" I lied.

"Yeah right. Like Charlie would pay those prices. I think I'll go and check to make sure they did everything right. I re-built that old thing, you know!" He winked at me and walked off to my truck. Apparently Charlie had told him I'd try to run him off. Since when did he know me so well?

I watched curiously as Jacob pulled his Rabbit next to mine and started dragging out different tools he would need. After almost an hour of watching him fiddle around and become almost covered in oil and grease stains, I decided he might could use some food and drink, so I went and made us some sandwiches and got two bottles of water. I sat it up on the table outside and walked over to him.

He was leaning over at the waist into the hood of the truck. I couldn't see his head, but I had a good view of his butt. I began to feel the heat in my cheeks despite the cold air and I called his name.

"Jacob, I made some lunch."

He lunged forward a little at the sound of my voice and smacked his head on something. He raised himself out rubbing his forehead with the back of his hand and said, "Oww, don't sneak up on people!"

I couldn't help but laugh at the sight of him. I guess this is what was so funny when he scared me earlier. "Hey, paybacks, remember?" I almost couldn't wipe the silly smile off my face as we went up on the porch and he shredded off his jacket.

"Do you want to eat inside?" it had to be almost freezing out here, but thankfully it wasn't raining at the moment.

"Nah, I never get cold. I run hot. Aren't you cold?"

"No, I'm used to it." That's all it took. The word 'cold' was spoken and I immediately thought of Edward. Marble, stone hard, cold, Edward. I could almost feel myself slipping back into my depression that I had managed to escape for a few minutes. Pain ripped though my chest and I gulped, trying to force myself to suck in the air. I could feel my hands shaking. I buried them in my hoodie pocket and clutched them to my stomach as a wave of nausea hit me. I closed my eyes and rested my head on the table trying to calm down.

I could see his face. His beautiful golden eyes. His perfect jaw line. His soft hair I wanted to wrap my hands in and the lips that I wanted to kiss so badly. Great, now here come the tears...

I was brought back to earth to someone saying my name. I froze. I completely forgot Jacob was even here, I was so caught up in my panic attack.

"Bella, are you alright? Shh, it's okay. Come here." He scooped me up before I could even take a breath to protest with and managed to open the door and plant me on the sofa in just a few seconds. He brought me my water, and I gratefully took a sip. He handed me a tissue and I dried my eyes, now feeling embarrassed about my breakdown and because someone else was having to take care of me. He sat beside me and rubbed my back and talked softly.

"You know Bella, you really need to get the oil changed on that hunk of junk if you expect it to last much longer. You know, I will do it for you for free any time. Just swing by the rez or gimmie a call. Okay?" He was trying to distract me and, surprisingly, it was working.

"Yeah, I kinda have been neglecting that, haven't I." Just like I've been neglecting everyone else... I finished inwardly. I couldn't look him yet so I took another sip for something to do. He was still rubbing my back, and even though I felt a little awkward, it felt good too. I couldn't remember the last time someone touched me like that.

Oh, wait, yes I could... Edward used to rub me to help me fall to sleep when he would hum my lullaby. And now it was happening again. Tightness. Hard to breathe. Shaking. I felt Jacob pull me close and wrap his arms around me, and I just let go. I buried my face into his chest and cried until I couldn't anymore. Jacob rocked me slightly and rubbed my back and shoulders, even my hair, trying to console me. After a bit, I could control myself and pulled away, but he didn't let go of me. Part of me wanted to run away and tell him not to touch me, and the other half, the weaker half, wanted this small form of comfort. So I let him hold me, even though I knew it was wrong. After some more time, he cleared his throat and I sat all the way up off of him.

"I need to finish putting your truck back together, but I can stay here with you, if you want me to."

"No, I'm fine. I'm sorry you had to see this... I am such a mess." I covered my face with my hands in shame. He gently tugged my hands away and looked me in the eyes. He had a sweet little smile on his face and he reached up and wiped away a rouge tear.

"Bella, you are going through a hard time, its understandable. Don't worry about it! I'm here for ya, kid!"

"Who are you calling kid, I'm older then you!" I said, trying not to sound indignant.

"Yeah, but I am bigger then you, so that counts for something."

"Pfft." I scoffed. "I could take you down any day, Jacob Black, and make you sorry!"

"Is that a threat, or a promise?" he said with an evil grin.

Suddenly, I was being tickled half to death. He poked me under my arms and wiggled his fingers under my chin and counted half my ribs before I could try to fight him off through a fit of giggles. I retaliated with a quick but firm pinch of his Pecs and had the pleasure of hearing him roar like lion before pulling my hands off.

"Oh, you asked for it, little girl."

"Little girl?!" I gasped. He must have saw the determination in my eyes because he was about to flee before a grabbed his waist and pulled him down to the floor with me on top. I sat up and pressed my thumbs into the hollow spot at his hips and tried to hold on as he almost cried with laughter and tried to buck me off. He finally got my hands and I couldn't get free. He yanked me down to his chest and practically growled in my ear between breaths, "That... tickles..." We were still laughing and barely able to breath when I looked down at him and he looked up at me. He was still holding my wrists together with one hand and he slightly pulled me forward at the same time he wrapped his other arm around my neck and brought my lips to his, even though he was the one trying to kiss me.

I let him, and was suddenly confused. I had never kissed lips like Jacobs. These lips were not hard and cold, but soft and warm. They moved with mine instead of molding them. There were rough patches of stubble on his chin and it kind of tickled mine. He opened his mouth and bit onto my bottom lip and pulled it in to his mouth. I involuntarily moaned out loud, and the sound seemed to act like a trigger in my head. My heart started pounding and I feel a rush of heat flood through my veins. Jacob deepened the kiss and I felt my heart rate speed up even more. I had never been kissed like this before...

Suddenly, somewhere in the back of my mind, I heard Edward say my name. "Bella..." It was so soft, I almost missed it, but I could never forget the sound of his crisp clear, bell like voice.

My eyes flew open and I sat up quickly, which turned out to be a mistake. I sat back and right on top of Jacob's raging hard on. He grunted loudly and pushed his hips up and I was almost lifted off the floor by the strength of his thrust.

"Jacob..." I panted, my head still spinning from the kiss and confusion as to why I was suddenly hearing voices. But my words were silenced with a gasp when I was flipped onto the floor with Jacob's crushing weight on top of my body and his lips on mine again. I lost myself in Jacobs arms for a moment and then it happened again. "Oh, my Bella..."

My eyes popped opened again and I tried to push Jacob off but to no avail. I wrenched my face from him and shouted his name.

"Oh, God, I'm so sorry, Bella... So sorry...." he jumped up and ran out the door.

I didn't stop to see where he went I just ran upstairs and threw up what little I had in my stomach. I felt like I had just cheated on Edward. I can't believe I let that happen!

As I splashed some cold water on my face, I pondered what had happened. Was I losing it, really? I wanted to talk to someone about it, but who? I couldn't tell Charlie... I could just imagine trying to explain that while Jacob was kissing me I started hearing my Ex boyfriend's voice in my head. He would probably have me locked up in a mental institution. Did I need to be locked up? The thought alone sent chills up my spine. No, I could not tell Charlie.

I could call Angela, but it would be the first time since before Edward... I couldn't finish the thought even in my head....

I sat on my bed and couldn't understand how I had become so isolated. I knew it was my fault for never returning their phone calls and repeatedly refusing to go out anywhere with anyone. I had just never realized that I had completely shut myself off until right now. Jacob was really the first human contact I've had out side of school and Charlie. I could still count on my Mom, but she was worried about me enough as it is and would most defiantly tell Charlie. No, can't talk to her either.

I heard a door slam outside and saw Charlie walking up the sidewalk. Time to push this all the back of my mind and put on a happy face. I'll just tell him that Jacob needed a part and would come finish tomorrow. I had no idea if he was coming back, but I could deal with that later. I took one last look in the mirror and tried on my Fake Smile. It did not look convincing. Oh well. I wonder what Charlie wants for dinner?

A/N: Big thanks and shout out to my newly acquired beta , keelhaulrose, for being brave enough to attack this monster with me. You rock! Let it be noted this story is under construction and still in progress, so old readers bare with me and new readers enjoy and let me know what you think. ;-)

~Jessica


	2. Chapter 2: Friends

Chapter 2:Friends

I woke up early again the next day. Charlie was already in the shower so I went downstairs and put on a pot of coffee. I fixed it up in my favorite mug and sat by the window and watched the rain. I felt just a dreary as it looked outside. After I finished my cup, I got another. Nothing like a nice caffeine buzz to help get the day going, right?

Charlie didn't say much when he came down. I went to my room and listened to some music and tried to read some obscure novel, not really paying attention. I heard the phone ring and didn't bother to move. Charlie will get it. It's not like anyone calls for me anymore anyways...

"Bella? Phone!" Charlie bellowed up the stairs.

Probably Mom. I cleared my throat as if that would somehow make me sound cheerful when I picked up and said 'Hello.'

"Hey, Bella, it's me... Jacob."

I almost swallowed my tongue.

"Oh. Jacob. Hello." I said again. I hit my forehead with my palm. Stupid!

"Yeah, I just wanted to know if it was okay with you if I came and finished up your truck. I am so sorry for my behavior yesterday and I promise nothing like that will happen again. I got carried away and you are in a rough patch right now... I am so sorry. I'll understand if you never want to see me again."

I was aware of Charlie trying to listen in so I just acted casual and said, "Yeah, I'll see you at noon. Bye." I hung up and ran upstairs before Charlie could ask. It was almost Eleven, so I decided I might as well make myself look decent. I hopped in the shower and then dressed in my favorite jeans and a Tool shirt and put on my old beaten up Converse. I pulled my overlarge hoodie over my head and put one bud of my ear phones in my ear and went downstairs and sat with my Charlie, listening to the music and for the first sound of Jacob's arrival.

When he pulled up he didn't come in to talk, he just let us know he was here and then went to work. I sat in the window and watched him like I did yesterday. I wondered what made him kiss me in the first place. He probably regrets it, that's why hes avoiding me. Well, fine. I don't care... Do I?

I know it is not right to wish he wanted to kiss me. I would never be able to get over Edward and I could never give Jacob the love he deserves. Just the little amount of time I spent with him and I could already see what an amazing person he is. He didn't run away screaming at the sight of a girl crying, and even made me laugh and forget about the pain. I tried to remember the last time I laughed before Jacob... I couldn't. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore. I went outside and before I could even say hello he started apologizing again, but I stopped him.

"I'm not mad about that. Stop saying sorry. Was I really that bad?" I asked, a little hurt.

"Bad? Bella, you do remember my reaction, don't you? I almost got to carried away. You are anything, Bella, anything, but bad."

I was more then a little shocked by that. He was looking at me know with a weird look on his face... It was like he was torn, like he was having an inner battle with himself.

"Just don't worry about it. It was nothing." I said, trying to ease the situation, but it just got worse. He looked crestfallen and turned away from me.

"Right. Nothing." He went back to work, but I could tell I had hurt him. But I can't have him getting attached, then he will just get hurt even more... I have to explain to him.

"Jacob, listen to me. I'm not in a good place right now, and I don't think I ever will be... So I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings, but can't we please just be friends?" I couldn't help the pleading sound of my voice. I barely knew him but I didn't want to lose him.

He glanced at me, but kept working. After a full minute of silence, when I thought the tears just might fall I turned and started back to the house.

"Wait, Bella!" Jacob called after me. He had an old dirty rag in his hands that he was trying to wipe them off on but was really just smearing the grease around. He stuck out a dirty hand and said, "Friends?" I could feel my face stretch into a real smile as I reached out and shook it and repeated, "Friends."

He nodded back to the truck and said, "I'm almost finished, want to keep me company?"

I nodded my head and told him I wanted to be out of the house for awhile.

"Well, if you don't have anything better to do, we could go hang out at my place after this. Change of scenery, ya know?"

"I don't think so..." I began, almost out of habit of always refusing.

"Hey, you said you needed to get out of the house, right? Well, that's what friends are for! I'm not taking no for an answer." he said firmly when he saw I was going to protest. I smiled a little and wondered what it looked like. I caught my reflection in the trucks window and was surprised to see it wasn't a fake smile at all.

After Jacob finished with my truck, we went in and he went and sat in front of the TV with Charlie and I went to fix lunch. We all sat at the table and I listened to them chat about various little things. Jacob and Charlie got along really well, and when he asked if it would be okay if I came over to his place for dinner, he seemed a little to excited and said sure, that he would go to the diner and grab a bite for dinner so I didn't have to 'hurry home.' I protested but they ganged up on me and I gave up. Sometimes it is like Charlie knows more about me then he lets on. Why else would he take away my bail out excuse of needing to cook?

I insisted on driving my truck and following him to his house. He wanted to drive and said he would just bring me home later, but I wanted a way out on my own, if I needed it. When we arrived we sat at the kitchen table and talked to Billy until the phone rang and Jacob pulled me towards the hallway. Once we were alone, he turned and looked me in the eyes. He was closer to me then he had been all day. It wasn't uncomfortable, so I didn't say anything.

"So, what do you want to do?" He asked. I looked at him in confusion and he elaborated. "Well, I can take you out to the garage and show you my awesome ride, or we could watch T.V. in the living room, or..." he kind of trailed off. "Or?" I pressed. "Or we could go to my room..." He said this all really fast. I just shrugged and said, "Sure, lets go to your room."

He took my hand and walked me a few steps to his bedroom door. This was clearly the answer he was hoping for. I started to have second doubts, but he was already pulling me in and... *audible gulp* He was shutting the door and turning up some music.

My initial discomfort was briefly forgotten when I looked at my surroundings. I think there might have been some form of wall paper, but it almost completely covered in posters of all kinds of bands and drawings that looked like they might have been done by Jacob himself. One painting in particular drew my attention. It was a black and white sketch of a beautiful Native American woman. She had long thick dark hair and beautifully shaped lips that curved into a knowing smile, like she knew all your secrets. And her eyes, I had seen those before. Those were Jacobs eyes. This was his mother. I was so taken by the beauty and the obvious time and effort put into this portrait that I almost cried. Rather then seem like a blubbering idiot every time I'm around Jacob, I cleared my throat and pointed at it and said, "Your Mother?" but it came out as almost a whisper.

"Yes. She died. Car accident." He sounded like he was okay, but I could only imagine what he was going through.

I meant to say something supportive, but all that came out was what I was thinking when I looked at Jacobs Mom. "She is so beautiful."

"I know." Now he sounded less like he was okay. Great, here is my turn to return the favor and make him feel better and all I'm doing is making it worse. I tried again. I turned to look at him and he was looking away dragging his sleeve across his eyes. I looked away and pretended not to notice. I tried think of anything to say that would help. I'm sorry? No, it's not my fault... Are you okay? Well, duh! Of course he isn't! I can't believe I can't come up with one nice thing to say to him. After everything he did for me yesterday... Wait, that's it. Yesterday, he helped me just by being there. I knew what to do. I just had to work up the nerve to do it. We had been standing in silence for almost a full Five minutes now, so I sucked up all my courage and walked over to stand in front of Jacob. He was looking down, but he was so tall that I could just walk under his gaze and look up into his eyes, which I did.

"Jacob.." Damn. I was whispering again. I tried to speak more clearly. What is wrong with my voice? "I... I'm here for you. Okay?" And I wrapped my arms around his waist and laid my head on his chest. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. I felt him do the same and then he reached up and held me to his chest like a lifeline. His hold was almost smothering, but I could not deny that it felt nice. To have some be able to touch me without restraint and be able to lose themselves with me in the moment was a nice change. I was so close to him I could hear his heart beating in my ear and the sound seemed so loud it almost drowned out the background music.

This, yet again, was so different then anything I have ever experienced. I didn't have to worry about what would happen if I shifted and pushed my body up against his, so I did. I was now flush against him and I wasn't unhappy about it. I squeezed my arms around him and then started running my hands in a soothing manner across his broad back like he did with me yesterday. I felt his body expand with he deep breath and relax with a sigh. He bent his head down and nestled into my neck. His breath tickled a little and I almost shivered, but the warmth of it and his body pressed so close to me was more powerful. I felt so warm and safe and snug.

After awhile he pulled back and looked in my eyes. He didn't say anything, just led me to the bed. My nervousness must have showed, because he said gently, "I'm not gonna try anything, Bella. I just want to be comfortable." And with that, he flopped down, and pulled me with him. I curled up in his warm arms and for the first time in months, I felt a little bit... Okay. He reached up and ran his fingers through my hair. I felt so relaxed and at peace. It was not long til I was almost fast asleep. I was teetering on the edge of consciences when I heard Jacob say, "I love you, Bella."

I tucked that away and decided I would worry about that later... Maybe tomorrow when I woke up....


	3. Chapter 3: Stolen, Not Broken

Chapter 3:Stolen, Not Broken

"Bella..."

I was almost positive I was dreaming because Edward was standing in front me. He reached out and touched my cheek, but it was warm and slightly rough, not what I expected.

"Bella, open your eyes..." Now that I was listening properly I could tell it wasn't Edward who was speaking. I did what the voice said, but right before I pulled myself completely out of my dream, I saw Edward's face fall into a mask of pain. The pain he would feel at seeing me laying in the arms of another man. I wanted to stay and tell him that it was not like that, that I loved him. But I was suddenly looking into the eyes of Jacob Blacks' Mother. She looked beautiful but terrifying and she gave me her smile, the one that said she knew my secrets. She knew I was in love with someone else and that I was using her son. She knew.

I jumped and finally woke with a small gasp. At least I didn't scream.

Oh God, please tell me I didn't talk... Why did I fall asleep?!

I rested my head back and closed my eyes again.

"What time is it?" I asked, trying to prolong the time before I had to ask.

"It's almost Eight. You've been out for a few hours. I thought you might want to wake up though..." He let his sentence die. So there is was. I had to know.

"Just tell me. What did I say?"

"Nothing. I... How did you know that you talk in your sleep?"

"It's nothing new, believe me. You already admitted I talked, so just tell me." I sat up and looked at him. "Please, Jake..." I don't know why his name came out like that, it just did, and apparently it worked because his eyes... Those eyes... Softened and he told me the truth.

"You said 'Edward'. A lot." He practically spit out the name.

"And?" I pressed. I knew there was more, something that really scared him.

"You... Bella don't make me say this..." He really looked in pain and I felt nervous and jumped up, my worst nightmares flashing before my eyes. I didn't want him to know about that, ever. He could tell it was driving me crazy and finally just said it. "You were begging, Bella. You said, 'Please, don't do this. I love you. Please, hold me.' And I did, I held you, but you started crying..." He trailed off a little and I noticed he was right, I was crying and I didn't even realize it. I can't even go one day around him without acting like a human hosepipe. "I just... I wanted to wake you up and tell you not to cry, that it will be okay. I will fix, it Bella. Come here, let me fix it...." he said softly.

He pulled me into his arms and I sobbed even harder. He was trying to be everything I needed but he wasn't and I couldn't be that for him. I had to tell him. This couldn't go on.

"Jacob, listen to me. You can't... Fix me... I am not a truck you work on. You can't replace certain parts of me and then call me good as new. Do you understand? I don't want to hurt you! This has to stop before it gets any worse..." I let it die when I saw the look on his face. He looked... Angry.

"Stop? No. Nothing is stopping, except you acting like some zombie all the time, got it? It is time to move on and I will be here for you every step of the way, and when you are ready..." He reached down and dragged my face up to look at his. "When you are ready, I will be with you. And I promise to love you and make you happy and you'll never..." He kissed the tears coming out of both my eyes. "...Never cry again." He leaned down and brushed his lips to mine and whispered, "I will wait for you."

I sobbed even harder and something inside broke. I heard the mental snap and I lost it. He just didn't get it. I was going to have to make him understand.

I pulled away and pushed him back. He just looked shocked. "You aren't listening! I will never be ready, okay, never! I won't let you throw away your life waiting for something that will never happen. I don't have a heart to let you into Jacob. It was stolen, long ago. You can't fix whats not there! It was stolen, not broken." I gasped, out of breath. I was so overwhelmed I did the only thing I could think of... I ran.

I got in my truck and some how made it back home. I could still see Jacob sitting on his bed looking like he had just been slapped across the face and Billy's concerned look as I raced past him and out the door. No doubt he was on the phone with Charlie right now... I did not want to go home and deal with that but I knew if I didn't he would assume the worst and have the entire Forks police department out looking for me, and I would rather not deal with that even more, so I headed to house going only 20 miles an hour, just the prolong it as long as possible.

Sure enough, there he was. He threw questions at me like daggers but I let them all fly past me without even acknowledging him. It was taking all my will power not to break down in front of him. Not that he still wouldn't hear me through the walls, but at least he wouldn't see it. I slammed my door in his face and made it to the bed in time to let the sobs take over my body. I cried for what felt like hours, and when finally, out of exhaustion, I was about to fall asleep, I realized the window was closed, and I jumped up and opened it and leaned out as far as I could, searching the darkness for anything...

"Edward?" I called. It was half hearted, and I knew it was in vain. Even though I felt as dried up as a California raisin, I sobbed once more and cried his name out into the blackness that was so similar to what had become my existence, the name of my love, my Romeo, the one who left me. "Edward..."


	4. Chapter 4: So Much More

Chapter 4:So Much More

I woke up the next day in time to hear Charlie pulling off in his cruiser. If I hurried, I can still make it to school, but when I looked in the mirror and saw the state I was in, I knew I was a lost cause. My hair was a tangled rat nest, my eyes were red and puffy whereas my skin was a pale sickly shade, and my lips were chapped from the cold. I guess I was just going to have to take a personal health day. I slouched downstairs and poured the rest of what was in the coffee pot in my mug and rested on the couch and flipped through the stations on T.V. Nothing held my attention, so I turned it off and just listened to my Ipod that I had left down here last night, before I went to talk to Jacob.

Jacob... I know what has to happen now. I can't see him anymore. It's not that I don't want to, it's just that this is the best way, for him. I can never let go of my past and make him happy like he deserves. He is such a great person, I can't be the one responsible for ruining him, even if it hurts me more in the process. I would wait until around Four to call, to give him time to get home from school. I tried to think of the best way to break it to him.

'Jacob, I'm not good enough for you.'

'You are better off without me.'

'It's not you, it's me.'

Nothing seemed to work for me in my head, so I doubted it would work in real life. But I have to make sure I do this over the phone. Something goes wrong when I'm around him and I get pulled into this false sense of security and serenity... And then somehow we always kiss... I began trying to puzzle out why I heard Edward's voice when we were kissing. It didn't happen last night, but was it just because I wasn't excited? Would it happen again? What would I hear him say?

No! No, it will NOT happen again. I closed my eyes and inwardly screamed at the top of my lungs. I still felt drowsy despite the coffee and soon was fast asleep on the couch.

Knock knock knock.

I reached for my alarm to turn it off when I realized that it wasn't my alarm. Someone was knocking, no, pounding on the door. I didn't even look through the peep hole but slug the door open and froze. There stood the hulking figure of Jacob Black. I vividly remembered what I looked like earlier that morning and could only imagine what I looked like now. I slammed the door before even giving the action a second thought. When I did think about it however, I thought better of it and opened it about two inches and asked what he needed.

"I just wanted to talk to you, Bella."

"Look, I don't think it's a good time, I need to take a shower, I'm really busy."

"I promise I won't take up much of your time. Please."

The 'please' just made it impossible to say no. "Alright, just me a second..." I turned and fled up the stairs and into the bathroom. I did the best I could with my hair, but it ended up in a messy bun at the back of my head. I washed my face and it looked less raw but still puffy. Oh well.

I was about to go down to talk to Jacob when I saw him standing in my room, looking at my book shelf. I walked in and asked what he was doing.

"Well, you've seen mine, it's only fair." I couldn't fight him on that. I waited for him to say something but he never did. "So, you wanted to talk to me?"

He turned around and I saw a different kind of look I had never seen on his face before. Jacob was always so happy and in a good mood that you never noticed how, well, scary, he can be when he's not. His eyes were darker and his brow was furrowed and his lips were sat in a hard line, with no hint of a smile.

"Bella, I don't want to make anything worse for you, so I came to say goodbye. I thought I could help you, but if you insist that you can't and don't want to move on, I can't make you." It looked like every word was causing him pain, but he didn't stop and change his mind. "I will leave you alone now." But he made no move to leave. Part of my brain asked me if I would have let him if he tried to go. The thought was pushed away by the pain I felt at his words. He was going to leave me, too.

Hadn't I just decided to do the same thing to him? What was wrong now? Just because he finally listened to what I said about not being able to be fixed, now all the sudden I don't want him to go and thought that I might die if i have to watch him walk out of my life, too.

I felt the tears but I didn't do anything about it. What could I do? Jacobs hard face fell instantly into a look of remorse when he saw my tears. "Don't cry Bella... I promised never to make you cry..." He slowly walked forward and wiped a finger down my cheek. I was trying not to break down, and let him walk away, but all my strength had left me. Suddenly, standing took too much effort. I felt my knees give, but I hadn't shrunk two inches to the floor before Jacobs strong hands wrapped around me and held me to him. "Are you okay? Here..." He laid me down on the bed, and when he went to pull away I stopped him and pulled him down with me.

"Please, don't leave me... I'm so sorry, I don't want to hurt you. You can go. You need to." I paused and buried my face into his chest. "I am so fucked up!" Jacob didn't say anything, he just held me close to his warm body and stroked my head. I calmed down rather quickly, and he used his sleeve to wipe away my tears. I started to apologize again but he just shushed me.

"Bella, I will do whatever you want me to do. If you say "Go" I will go. If you ask me to stay, I will never leave your side, and will hold up all the promises I have already made you. It is your decision. I will do whatever you want."

So here was my ultimatum. Of course I didn't want him to go. But if I asked him to stay, I would become the most selfish person in the world. He was running his fingers along the top of my head, petting me like you would a kitty, and it felt so good. The words slipped out before I could stop them. "Don't leave me..."

He took a deep breath and squeezed me to himself in relief. He kissed my forehead and my eye lids, both cheeks. He paused with his lips an inch from mine and asked, "Bella, can I kiss you?"

I didn't say anything, I just pushed my lips to his. I kissed him for the first time. I pushed him back and I leaned on his chest without removing my lips from his. He moaned a little so I knew everything was still good. His huge hands were all over my body, and it felt so nice. I could feel the adrenaline kick in as my heart continued to speed up.

That's when I heard it again. My name spoken from those sacred lips. "Bella..."

I was expecting it this time, so I did not pull away. I tried to focus on what Jacob was doing with his mouth when I heard him speak again. "Bella, be happy. I want you to be happy."

I broke away from Jacob's lips in shock, but he just make a trail of butterfly kisses down my jaw and to my neck. It felt so wonderful and I could still hear Edward's voice in my ear. "Oh, how I long to kiss you like this Bella... It's better this way, you need someone who can love you."

Jacob pushed up my shirt and both hands gripped my breasts. I didn't have on a bra, and I was about to protest when he began massaging them and moaning into my neck. This was all so new to me and it felt so good I was doing well to breathe in and out. I wanted him to continue.

He pulled my shirt off and said, "Let me fix this, Bella. I can make you better. Let me show you..." I didn't answer, but he flipped me on my back and laid on top of me. He continued to kiss my neck and down to the skin that was now exposed. He covered my right breast with little kisses and sucked my nipple into his mouth. I gasped in pleasure and I felt the rush of heat flood through me and my heart began beating even faster. Edward spoke again, just saying my name.

I wasn't sure what was keeping me from stopping Jacob anymore, the pleasure he was giving me or wanting to hear Edwards voice. I was so caught up in everything I didn't notice that Jacob had already untied my sweat pants and had them and my underwear down around my knees until he started moving in that downward direction. I started to panic, knowing I was letting it go too far, but I heard Edward again, and I couldn't find the will to stop anything from happening.

Jacob's mouth explored my stomach and Edward said my name again. I could feel the tears welling in my eyes and I let them fall and forgot about them almost instantly. Jacob had pulled apart my legs and had apparently reached his destination. What does he plan on doing down there?!

It became very clear exactly what he intended when I felt his tongue run along my center, and I literally cried out loud. He seemed to take that as permission to continue and started licking me again and again. He slid one finger into me and I moaned loudly and shivered. He noticed, and used his other hand to throw the blanket over his head and up to my neck to keep me warm. Now I couldn't watch and see what he was about to do. My nerves finally got the better of me, and I went to call his name right at the same time he curled the finger inside me in a "Come to me" gesture and suckled on my most sensitive bundle of nerves. All I ended up doing was screaming his name and that just urged him on. He was now working his finger vigorously and lapping at me like a cat with a bowl of milk. Edward was whispering, "You are so, so beautiful Bella..." in my head and Jacob was making my body quake with pleasure. It was a tie to which one I longed for the most.

When he suddenly added another finger, my hands reached down and wound themselves into his long thick black hair and used it to pull him closer to my core like reins on a horse. I was now panting and could no longer form a single coherent thought. I could hear Edward calling my name again, and then something strange happened. It felt like I was a boiling pot that just started overflowing from being on high for too long. Something inside me exploded and then melted and I cried out again. Edward finally said the words I longed to hear the most. "I love you, Bella. I love you." Jacob continued to leave trails of kisses all along my body until I stopped shaking. My heart was beating like a Humming Bird trapped in a cage, and my breathing was more labored then ever before.

After a few blissful minutes of basking in the afterglow of pleasure, I felt Jacob pulling my pants back up. He handed me my shirt to put on and walked to the bathroom and didn't come out for a couple of minutes. I laid on the bed and guilt washed over me like a tidal wave. What did I just let happen? There was not a chance he would walk away now, and even though I was One Hundred and Fifty percent sure I was still in love with Edward, I didn't want to lose Jacob. Not now, and not ever. I couldn't stand it if I lost them both.

I could still hear Edward's voice telling me to be happy. Could this, being with Jacob, that is, make me happy? I wondered what else I would hear Edward say, if given another chance. Would Jacob and I even do anything like that ever again? I knew the answer to that already. Jacob would do whatever I wanted, and almost all of me wanted that, and more, to happen. But the other part knew it wasn't right to use Jacob like this. And part of me wanted to save myself for Edward, until I remembered that he could never be with me like this, not the mention that he didn't even want... Just stop right there...

Jacob came back to my bed and curled up beside me and resumed petting my head. "Better?" He asked, a smug little grin on playing on his lips.

I couldn't lie to him. "No, not really. I mean, I enjoyed that, thoroughly." I assured him when he looked upset, "But it's just that I can't give you what you want from me. I feel like I am using you for my own pleasure, and it is wrong. You can't do this to yourself."

"Hey, I can do whatever I want, even if you think I shouldn't, it's my choice, not yours. I know what I am getting myself into, and trust me, you are worth it."

"No, I'm not." I mumbled.

"Do you think I would be here if I didn't think so? Bella, I have to know... How do you see me... Now? I mean, after all that... Am I still just a friend?"

"Jacob, you were never 'just a friend.' You are so much more. So much more." I couldn't think of anything else to say, so I just snuggled into his arms. He was so comfortable.

We laid together in silence for sometime. Finally Jacob broke it and asked, "So, what do you want to do today?"

"Nothing..." I really didn't feel like getting out at all.

"Nope, not what I was hoping to hear... Lets see..." He pinned me down to the bed and started tickling me all over. I gasped for air and shouted at him to stop torturing me. "Oh, I'll show you torture." He jumped up, turned around, ripped my sock off my left foot and dragged his nails from the ball to the tops of my toes. At this point I was positively shrieking with laughter and trying to physically hurt him in order to escape. I finally managed to kick him off the bed and he stayed down, still laughing at me. He stood and held his hand out to me.

"Come on, Bella. Come with me."

I went.


	5. Chapter 5: No Sorrow To Die

Chapter 5:No Sorrow To Die

For the next month, everyday when I got home from school and finished all my homework, (and tried to get him to finish his) Jacob and I went on some sort of adventure. He planned everything, and it was always a surprise. He took me to the beaches and told me stories about him growing up on the reservation. He showed me all his favorite hang outs and introduced me to some of his friends. They teased him mercilessly, so I doubted we would be seeing much of them. Saturday, one full month since the fist time Jacob ever came over, dawned before I even realized it, and I woke to him hovering over me.

"Wake up, sleepy head."

I covered my face and moaned "What are you doing here? And what time is it?"

"It's almost seven and we have a long day ahead of us. Up! Up! Wakey Wakey, Eggs and Bakey!"

I groaned out loud at his cheerfulness. "Oh, God, you're a morning person... Great."

I was soon dressed and fed packed in his car along with a picnic he had packed for us. Apparently Charlie knew something I didn't because he asked no questions, just smiled at me and waved goodbye. As we pulled away, I rested my head against the window and Jacob spoke.

"It's a bit of a drive, so feel free to close your eyes."

I was already half asleep.

When I woke it was really bright. That alone was disorienting enough. It was never bright in Forks. Jacob was smiling at me, and started to explain.

"So, when I was a kid, my mom always used to take me to different kinds of fairs and traveling circus and stuff, and this is the first fair so far this year and I really wanted to show you. Have you ever been to one?" I shook my head. "It's going to be so fun!" He was so excited he ran around the can and opened my door and practically dragged me to the ticket booth and then to all the rides.

After we had been on almost every ride at least once, the Scrambler and Tilt A Whirl we did twice, we ended up on the ferris wheel. I am semi afraid of heights, but I was a more of a daredevil today then I had ever been, so I did it anyways. It was kind of nice to have someone let me have fun, not always being told to be careful and to watch out.

We stopped at the top and I looked at Jacob and could tell something was on his mind. "What are you thinking?" He just shrugged, but I pressed. "C'mon, Jake, tell me..." That always works...

"I was thinking of my mom. I just miss doing this with her. I haven't been to one of these things since before... you know."

"Really?" I was a little shocked at that, but a little pleased too.

"Yeah, it's nice to be here with you." He wrapped his arm around me and pulled me close.

"Yeah, you are right, it is." I sighed and rested my head on his shoulder. "So, where are we going after this?" I could feel him physically withdraw from my question, and I looked into his eyes, trying to understand.

"I was going to talk to you about that later... Well, do you mind, I've been meaning to go out there for ages, I just can't do it alone, and I don't have anyone else... What I mean is, I wanted to go visit..." he trailed off, and I questioned him again. "I wanted to visit my moms grave, but if you don't want to, it all good, no problem. In fact, it's a bad idea. Yeah, it was stupid. Never mind."

"No, Jake, I'll go. It's fine, really. I want to be here for you, like you are for me. I mean, what else are friends for?"

"Yeah, friends." He scoffed and withdrew his arm. It was immediately uncomfortable. We had not had any more 'experiences' as I often refer to it as, and the strain of what exactly defined out relationship was beginning to take it's toll. Every time someone asked if we were together, I would say "No, not like that." And he would agree, but it was obvious he didn't really think that way. Every time I used the 'f' word, things got like this.

We wandered around a little more and eventually made it back to his car. We enjoyed his picnic of sandwiches, chips and soda before hitting the road again. It was a long drive, so I took the chance to try and smooth things over. I knew where we were going was going to be enough strain on him, and I didn't want him going into it already upset over something like this.

"Jake, are you mad at me?" He looked at me with a shocked expression.

"No, of course not. Why would I be mad at you? I just have a lot on my mind..." He left it at that, and so did I.

When we pulled into the cemetery, I could almost feel the despair radiating off Jacob. I could only imagine what he was feeling. We parked and he turned off the car, but just sat there and didn't move. He was gripping the steering wheel very tightly with both hands. I tugged one hand free and held it in both of my own. One thing that Jake had taught me was that physical contact was often the easiest way to get through to someone, rather then with words. I told him we would wait until he was sure he was ready.

In a few minutes he said in a gravely voice, "Okay. Now." He shot out of the car and started walking swiftly up the hill covered with tombstones of different shapes and sizes. I hurried after him, stumbling along the way. When I finally caught up to him, he was sitting on his knees running his fingers along the inscription underneath his Mothers name and dates of birth and death.

It read, "Because I have loved life, I shall have no sorrow to die."

When I read it again in my head, I realized what a thoughtless thing it was to put that there. Of course it wasn't hard to be the one to leave. It was the ones left behind that are left with with all the sorrow. Jacob sitting in the grass with tears in his eyes was proof of that. I sat beside Jacob and wrapped my arms around his broad shoulders. I felt him shaking with suppressed sobs, so I tried to help him the way he helps me, and I began to rub in small circles.

After some time, Jacob stood and helped me to my feet. He pulled me into a tight hug and whispered in my ear, "Thanks, Bella." We headed back to his car hand in hand.

He drove us back to his empty house, explaining that Billy was at Charlie's, and he didn't want to say good bye yet. I understood him not wanting to be alone, so we went inside and both sat on the couch. I was completely exhausted, emotionally and physically. Jacob turned on the T.V. and we both settled down within a few inches of each other, not really paying attention to what was on. After a few minutes, I felt my eyes droop and I let my head rest against his arm. Before I could fall asleep, I heard him chuckling and he got up.

"Come on, I know you are tired, I'll take you home so you can sleep."

"No, I don't want to go home yet. I just need a nap. We still have time to hang out." It was almost dinnertime, but I didn't care. I didn't want to leave Jake.

"Well then, lets take a nap." He held out his hand and waited patiently for me to accept it. This was one of those times when he was leaving the decision up to me, and I still felt a gnawing at my heart that made me feel like I was being unfaithful to it. After a few moments hesitation, I gave in. He led me to his bedroom and closed the door behind us. He flopped down and threw his head back, almost instantly asleep. I watched him in amazement for a minute. He was so strong and brave. I am so lucky to have someone like him in my life. Without him, I wouldn't even have a life. I would still be a shell... A zombie, he called me... He opened his eyes and smiled when he saw me staring. "Hop in, I won't bite. Unless you want me to."

"Yeah, you wish, Jake..." I mumbled as I laid down next to him without touching him. Before I could even get settled in he scooped me up into one arm and held me to his chest almost like how he did in the cemetery.

"You're right, I do wish." He yawned and then was fast asleep, leaving me wondering if he even meant to say that out loud.


	6. Chapter 6: Trying To Be Happy

Chapter 6:Trying to Be Happy

Jake and I continued to grow closer over the next few weeks. He was so supportive and there for me in every way. I hadn't had a panic attack in almost a week and I knew it was all thanks to him. We spent almost every second of our free time together, and if we didn't get a chance to see each other that day, we would talk on the phone for half the night about nothing and everything. It was one such night and we were playing one of our little question games. I was always interested in his upbringing and his school, and he was always asking me about Phoenix and grilling me about what I wanted in the future and we both did our best the avoid being the one answering the questions. I should have known this would end badly.

It started off nice enough... Then he asked me the one question I could not answer honestly, because I knew what it would do to him.

"What is the one thing in the world you want more then anything?" I couldn't lie to him, so I just evaded.

"There isn't just one thing I want... What about you, what do you want?"

Oh, why did I say that? Why? No, I take it back...

"You, Bella. Always you. And you aren't going to answer me, are you?"

"No" I admitted.

"Because after all this time... After everything... You still want... him."

"Yes" I whispered. I could almost feel the pain and anger pulsing through the telephone wires. "I'm sorry, Jake, I told you before..."

"Yeah, I know. I know. Listen, it's late, I gotta go. See ya..." he hung up without even letting me say bye. There was nothing I could do about it at Two o clock in the morning, but since tomorrow was Saturday I will just call him when I get up and let him decided what we were going to do that day to try and make up for it.

But I didn't see him the next day. I called and called and got no answer. I knew this couldn't be good, so I drove to his house. It was almost 10 am, so I knew he was probably still asleep, but I figured I would just hang out with Billy until he woke up. Maybe I would even make him some breakfast. You can always win a man over by feeding him. But when I got there, no one answered the door. Weird.

I went home and waited for Charlie to get home from fishing. I had to do something to occupy my hands, so I caught up on all my household chores, finished a paper for English and even caught up on some reading. Finally, I found myself in the kitchen whipping up a bit of everything that I had the ingredients for. When Charlie got there I told him to call Billy and invite him and Jake over for dinner, since I was cooking up a storm. He got through, but it was a short conversation. When he got off he said that they were busy and couldn't make it. He looked a little confused because Billy never turned down a meal and game on the big screen, but seemed to forget about it when he started tasting one of the pies I made earlier. I took the roast out of the oven, told Charlie to help himself, grabbed my keys and took off to Jacobs. He was not going to get away with avoiding me.

I drove almost all the way to his house, but stopped on the next street down and walked the rest of the way. I didn't want my loud truck giving my away. When I walked up I could see lights on int he kitchen and in Jacob's bed room, and could even make out the music that was blaring from within.

I knocked on the back door and when Billy answered he was defiantly shocked.

"Bella! Hi! Uh... Sorry we couldn't make it for dinner... Stuff to do, ya know." I ignored that and got right to the point.

"I need to see Jake. Now."

"Well, he isn't here, I'm sorry. But I'll tell him you came by, okay?"

"Billy, I saw his light on, and since when do you listen to Deftones?"

"Yeah, right. Well, go on. I told him he was acting like a fool, but then again, we are all fools when we are in love," he said while watching me carefully. I just brushed past his chair and walked right into Jacobs room without knocking.

The music was so loud he didn't hear me walk in. He was laying on his stomach on the bed with a sketch book I hadn't seen him use before laid out in front of him and a small photograph propped up against his pillow. I walked forward without thinking to get a better look at what he was drawing and he caught my movement out of the corner of his eye. He jumped up and shoved everything in fount of him under his pillow and yelled, "Bella! How did you get in here?"

"Billy let me in. I think we need to talk. Why are you avoiding me?"

"I'm not." I gave him my Don't-Bull-Shit-Me look and he relented a little. "What do you want me to say? Yeah, I was avoiding you. You deserve it." I knew what he was saying was true, but it didn't take away the sting of hearing him finally admit it.

"I'm sorry, okay? I never meant you to get hurt. This is all my fault. Now you are leaving me too and now I'm going to be alone forever." I hadn't had a panic attack in so long and it seemed to have increased tenfold.

Can't breathe. Head spinning. Chest contracting. Going to vomit.

Strong arms enveloped me and I melted into them. "Shh... Shh, Bella, don't cry." I was crying again? Shit. Jacob sat me on the bed and rubbed my back until I sat up and looked in his eyes.

"I don't blame you, Jake, I understand. I can't believe you put up with me for as long as you did..."

"No, Bella, it's not like that, okay? I didn't... Put up with you. I love you. But you turn me into a complete fool for you! I turn into some hopeless romantic and forget that you are not in a place to give me what I so desperately want, and every time I forget, I have to pull my feelings back in, and it gets a little harder to do every time. I can't keep pretending anymore. I love you, and I want to be with you in every way. Just let me in, Bella, please. Haven't I proved myself enough? I love you, dammit." And with that, he was kissing me. I was caught off guard but I returned the kiss anyways. He pushed me back and his hands began to explore my body. I felt the rush I always did when he touched me like this and my heart sped up. Any minute now, I would hear him. He kissed and bit at my neck and all I could think was that I wanted him to keep it up and to pleasure me like no one else ever has.

I needed this almost as much as I needed to hear Edwards voice. It had been so long. Too long, really. I needed the physical release almost as much as I needed to be reminded of how sweet Edward sounded.

"Bella."

My heart was positively racing and leaping for joy. I could hear him... But I could only feel Jacob. He pulled up my shirt and shoved aside my bar in one quick motion. He took my nipple in his mouth and pulled it away from my body. My back arched forward to follow, but he was holding me down. I moaned out loud and he quickly covered my mouth with his and said, between kisses, "Shh, Billy's here." He eased away a little and rested his head on my heaving breast. I searched my head for Edward's voice, but it was gone. I sighed in disappointment.

He sat me up and I righted my cloths just in time. Billy knocked on the door and walked in like he was completely ignorant to what was going on and asked if we were hungry and suggested we head to Charlie's and eat the mountain of food I had prepared since we all "Seemed to be gettin' along again."

Jacob walked me to my truck and laughed about my parking half a mile away just so I could sneak up on him.

"Well, if someone would just answer the phone or door, I wouldn't have to take such extreme measures." He just smiled and threw his arm around me. I knew he was thinking of us a couple now and I couldn't think of a way to tell him that we weren't without losing him in the process, and I had to admit that at this point, I did not think I would be able to survive that. We all had a nice dinner. Jake kept either one of my hands in his or his hand on my thigh or back for the rest of the night. I didn't stop him.

When it was time for them to leave he leaned down and whispered in my ear, "I'll see you soon, okay? Sleep tight." He quickly kissed me and walked to his dads truck. I heard Charlie agree to come over to Billy's around noon the next day for some soft of male bonding thing that was going to take all day. Fine, it will give me some alone time to think.

Or so I thought...

As soon as Charlie was walking out the door the next day, Jacob was walking in it, assuring him he was going to keep my occupied while he was gone. I became aware we were alone in the house the moment the door slammed shut, leaving an echo of the sound bouncing in my head. I knew what he wanted to happen, and there was no way I could turn him down without losing him. I made a show of waving bye as Charlie drove off, trying to prolong what was going to happen, even though it was inevitable. Part of me was scared, but the other part was excited. I could almost feel his hands on me and I could almost perfectly recall the sound of Edward whispering my name...

Jacob turned me to face him. He leaned down and kissed me sweetly before asking in his normal cheery tone, "So, what do you want to do?"

I blinked, because I didn't think I had any say in what was going to happen. "What ever you want, I guess." I tried to sound brave.

He shrugged. "I brought a movie. Or we can go to the beach, it's kind of nice out side. OH! We should go down to the arcade, they have a new game and Quil already beat my high score and won't shut up about it. Well, I'm sure you don't want to watch me play video games all day... What do you want to do? I just want you to be happy..."

He wasn't making any moves on me. He didn't expect sex. How silly, I mean, this is Jake here, not Mike Newton. I was overreacting like always. I smiled a true smile and said, "Lets just watch a movie."

It was an action, of course. He had so much fun explaining all the stunts and picked on me for not being able to remember which one was the good guy and which was the bad guy. When he was quite, I would ponder why he wasn't taking advantage of the empty house. He surely knew I would say yes. I was beginning to get frustrated by the time the movie finally ended. Part of me wanted him to just take me and make me forget. Not to mention I had a whole hell of a lot of built up sexual tension.

Jacob stretched and then pulled me into a tight hug. I felt him take a deep breath and before I knew it, he was asleep. I looked into his perfectly serene face and asked "What am I gonna do with you?" He didn't answer, just continued to sleep. I let out a frustrated sigh and laid my head on his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart. I tried not to think about things to much, but of course, thats not how it works. I remembered Edwards voice telling me to be happy, and I thought of what Jake said a little bit ago, about just wanting me to be happy. Why couldn't I be? I'm sure Edward has already moved on. He probably never even thinks about me, and here I am, throwing away my life when I have the best friend in the world who only makes everything better. I think maybe I should give this whole happiness thing another chance. If there was one definite bonus, it was making Jake happy. I just wanted him to be happy, too.


	7. Chapter 7: Take Me and Fix Me

Chapter 7:Death Glare

When I woke up, the first thing I saw was Jacob's huge grin. I pushed myself up, trying to remember falling asleep, but I couldn't... He was just so warm... I brushed my hair back and gave him a questioning look. "What?" I asked. "What are you so happy about."

"Nothing. It was just nice to wake up with you, that's all."

"Uh huh. What did I say?"

"Why do you have to ruin everything?" He asked, sounding a little grumpy now. He rolled his eyes and gave in when I gave him my famous pouty "Please" face. "Well, you still said _his_ name. Though I don't know why. You know it's been almost six months?" I shot him my Death Glare and he continued. "And, you said my name and..." Even though he looked really pleased about my calling his name out in my sleep, he still had a different look etched in his face... He was embarrassed. Now I was getting worried... Oh no... What has my subconscious reveled now? "And you said 'take me.... Now.'" he added.

"Oh." My God.

"Can I ask you something, because even though I think I want to know, I think I really might not want to, but I have to ask... Who, Isabella?"

When he used my full name it threw off my thought process and I forgot what he meant. "Who what?" I wasn't prepared for his reaction. He reached out and grabbed me by my upper arms and jerked me to him.

"Who? Dammit, Bella, who do you want to... to take you... now..." He started yelling at me at first, his eyes blazing, but by the time he was finished, he was almost whispering. His face formed a mask of sadness. He loosened his hold and just searched my eyes for the answer, like it was hidden somewhere, he just had to find it. I could tell it was really killing him, so I answered with the truth, knowing full well what would happen when I did.

"You, Jacob." He didn't move.

"You." I repeated, making sure he could not mistake the honesty in my voice. He still didn't move.

"Now." I took a deep breath, trying to clam my nerves. "Jacob, I want you to take me. Now."

He pushed me back so suddenly it almost knocked the wind out of me. He was right on top of me, kissing me like never before. All the times I thought he had lost himself in the heat of the moment was nothing compared to this. He was kissing me with wild abandon, and I was surprised at how turned on I was. It was like his passion was contagious, and it was radiating into me at all the places that his skin touched mine, and it wasn't enough. My hands were pulling up his shirt without my brain remembering telling them to do so. As soon as it was off he pulled me into sitting position and tore my hoodie off. Now I was only wearing a tank top I slept in and some comfy jogging pants. I sent up a quick thanks that I had just shaved my legs last night. Jacob didn't even bother taking my top off, he just slid each strap off both of my shoulders, following it with kisses. When my breasts were exposed, he began lavishing attention upon them. I leaned forward and wrapped my hands into his hair, holding him there. His mouth was working my left breast while his left hand kneaded at my right. He was laying on top of me again and he somehow worked his right hand down my pants. I gasped and said his name.

"Jake..." It came out in a pant. He moaned and sent vibrations through my skin that was in his mouth. His hand split me open and worked some form of magic. Then it happened... "Bella."

My eyes flew open and I almost sobbed, but managed to make it come out as a moan. Jacob sat back and I gasped at the loss of contact. He yanked my pants the rest of the way down, ripping one side apart at the seams. He dove in with his tongue and fingers and almost made me scream. He raised his head and looked me in the eyes. "Do you like that Bella?" He didn't give me time to clear my head and answer. He was suddenly attacking my clit and had hooked his fingers just so and my body started to quake. Oh, God, I can't think when he is doing that! They were both talking and I was having a hard time concentrating on who was saying what.

"I miss you, Bella..."

"Does this feel good, Bella?

"I am so sorry for hurting you..."

"Tell me that you like this, Bella. I want to hear you say it."

"Don't you miss me too?"

"Yes! I do!" I was answering both of their questions. Jacob put his mouth back on me and that was it took. I felt the waves of pleasure crashing into me repeatedly.

Edward asked, "Don't you still love me, Bella?"

"Yes, Edward, I do!" I answered automatically. I suddenly felt very cold. I opened my eyes and realized that was because Jacob was now standing as far away form me as he could. I felt very exposed.

If looks could kill, Jacob's Death Glare would have vaporized me into nothingness in that instant. I tired to hide my exposed flesh as I got up and slowly walked towards him. "Jacob, I can explain..."

How did I let that happen? Right when I was trying to let go and just be happy I mess everything up with one word. Name, really. How could I explain? Tell him that whenever he pleasures me I hear my ex boyfriends voice in my head, and I was just answering his question. Yes, I am now painfully aware that I am certifiable and should be locked away so I couldn't hurt anyone else.

"Then please do! I would love to know how you can sit there and tell me you want me one minute and call out that bastards name while I got you off. Were you thinking of him?" He sounded disgusted and looked like he might throw up, but the pain in his voice and his eyes almost broke my heart. I just wanted to go to kissing him. I missed his warmth already.

"I promise, I will explain everything... later... Please Jake..." I reached out to him but he knocked my hand back and pushed himself up against the wall. "No, please, I need you. I was thinking of you, I swear! It felt so amazing, I want to feel all of you. Please take me Jake, you can fix me, I know you can. And I want you to. Please!" I begged. I could tell he was having an internal argument with himself. I knew if he walked away from me tonight that I would be lost forever. I could not let him leave. I threw myself on him and kissed him with all my might, but he overpowered me so easily and pushed me away. I fell but I got on my knees and crawled to him. "Let me show you that I care, okay? That I love you. Don't leave me, Jake, I won't survive it if you do." I stopped talking because I knew words would only do so much. It was the physical touch that got it through to someone, Jake had taught me that. I was already level with the waist band of his jeans and I tugged them and his boxers down before he had a chance to stop me. He was still hard and ready, despite everything. I took him in my mouth quickly and he yelped my name. I didn't stop, I just focused all of my attention to pleasuring him like he did for me. I ran my hands along his thighs and chest. I cupped the sacks of flesh between his legs and went down until his head hit the back of my throat. I heard him moan and he leaned against the wall for support while the other hand wrapped into my hair and pulled me back down as far as I could go, then shoved me away. I fell back, frozen, waiting for him to make a move. He was still looking at me with his Death Stare. Even though I could still make out the lust, he was still pissed and hurt. I couldn't blame him. I reached my hand out to him and said, "Jake, please... just take me..."

He let out a roar that made me jump back in surprise. He launched himself at me and this time the wind was knocked out of me. I was crushed to the floor by his weight. He jerked my legs apart and wedged himself in between them. I was unprepared for the sudden penetration. He thrust into me, hard, and pain seared through my lower body. Before I was really ready he pumped into me again. I closed my eyes and listened for Edward but he wasn't there. Jacob was still crashing into me but it was becoming less painful. He shifted his arms and held his upper half with one hand while the other trailed it's way down my neck and squeezed my breast. The new angle of penetration was pushing into something that was making my eyes cross. His thrusts were scooting us back across the carpet and I could feel the burn on my back, but I didn't care. I wanted this. I deserved this. Even though I still couldn't hear Edward and it was breaking my heart, I knew I needed some form of punishment for the pain I had caused Jacob. He leaned all the way up, sitting back on his knees and slowed his thrusts. I could feel every inch of him as he slid slowly in and out. He hands gripped my hips and held me in place and began to speed back up.

"Yes." I said. He met my eyes for the first time since he had began. "Yes, Jacob!" He let out a strangled yell and plunged in with more enthusiasm. I could feel the pressure building up inside of me and I knew release would come soon. I held onto his forearms and begged, "Harder Jacob! Please!"

Those seemed to be the words he longed to hear, because he finally let loose. Pleasure erupted inside me in a thousand little pieces and I heard Jacob's moan of "Bella..." and I knew he was following close on my heels. Wave after wave washed over me, like I was the sand on the shore.

Jacob stood up and pulled me into his arms. He swept my legs from under me and carried me up the stairs and into my room. He put my feet on the floor and removed my shirt that was wrapped around my waist and I stepped out of the pants pooling at my feet. He stepped out of his too and we laid down in my bed, naked. Jacob held me as close as he could for awhile.

I looked up at him and was about to start apologizing but he silenced me with a kiss. He cupped my face in his hands and kissed me very softly. Then he kissed my cheek and my neck and licked his way to my collarbone. He slowly worked his way down and made it to my parted thighs he gasped and startled me.

"Bella, are you okay? Oh my God, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you!"

"What? I'm fine..." I sat up and saw what he meant. I jumped up and ran to bathroom and took a shower to clean myself up. When got out I was almost too afraid to walk back in my room. I didn't know how to face him. All I had was a towel, and I wrapped it around me as tight as I could and made my way slowly back in the room and stood in the doorway. Jacob had donned his boxers and nothing else. He came to me and hugged me and said he was sorry over and over. I tired to tell him that it was fine, "Girls do that their first time." But he just shushed me and took my towel for me, despite my protests.

He started kissing the spot where my neck meets my shoulder and made me shiver. His hands, his huge, warm hands, were touching me. Everywhere. He knelt in front of me and lifted up my left leg and put it over his shoulder. I was now balancing on one leg between the door, and Jacob's mouth was now at my center, stroking me with long soothing laps. My body shuddered almost instantly in another orgasm and moaned his name. He kept at me, and soon I in the throes of another, and then soon another. It was getting to me too much and I was almost weeping from over stimulation. "Stop... Please, stop!" He backed away and pulled me with him back to the bed.

"I have to do this right, Bella. I hurt you and I never want to do that, never. I will make it up to you, I promise. I promise you I will make you happy and please you and never cause you pain. I love you Bella, I love you."

He pushed into me and I felt the pleasure coursing through me again. This time, nothing hurt. He was so gentle and sweet. He kissed me while rhythmically rocking deeper and deeper inside of me. I drug my nails across his back and felt him shudder above me. Everything was perfect. I came with tears in my eyes but Jake kissed them away. I still felt empty inside and I needed him to fill me.

"More, Jake. Please, more."

He didn't respond, just leaned back and caught my leg and pushed it up to my chest. He leaned forward again and rocked his hips into me again and again. I had never felt anything so amazing. He was hitting all the right spots and I was already teetering on a precipice when it happened. "You will always be mine, Bella. I will always be in your heart."

"Oh God!" I cried out. I tried to focus only on the feel of Jake but I could still hear Edward in my head. I thought that was over. I just want to let go of everything and not hurt anymore. "Oh, Jake, fix me, please. Make it better..."

"Yes, Bella, I will...." he picked up his pace and I knew he was on edge too. I locked eyes with him as he drove home and we both came undone.

As I was trying to catch my breath I heard them both say at the same time, "I love you, Bella..."

"I love you, too." I whispered, knowing in my heart I meant it to both.


	8. Chapter 8: One Step Forward, Two Back

Chapter 8: One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

Jacob and I made it down to the kitchen and I was half way through teaching him how to make a simple pot of Pasta when Charlie finally made it home. I had already made sure everything was back to normal and now just had to hope like hell he didn't notice anything different about me. Sure, Charlie liked Jake and all, but I would rather him to keep thinking nothing like that was going on between us.

"Smells good," was Charlie's greeting. He sat down and started talking to Jake about Billy, so I grabbed a Vitamin R out of the fridge, popped it open, and sat it down in front of him. He looked surprised but pleased. "Thanks Bells." I smiled back at him and for a moment he looked more surprised then before, but there was something else there that I couldn't quite place, but he looked away after a second. I immediately felt self conscious and surreptitiously checked my reflection in the window above the sink, expecting to see something like "Jezebel" or "No longer Your Little Girl, Sorry Daddy" written across my forehead. Thankfully, there was nothing but worry lines etched into my skin from pinching my eyebrows together too much.

The rest of the evening was pleasant. There was not one indication from Jacob that anything out of the ordinary had happened. I talked and laughed a little, and by the time Jake was leaving, I was about ready to pass out. I walked with him out to his truck to say goodnight.

"I guess I'll see you tomorrow?" I questioned.

"You bet. I'll miss you." He leaned in and kissed my forehead, then smoothed out my "worry lines" with his finger. "You always look so stressed, Bella." He pulled me into a bear hug and almost lifted me off the ground. "Don't worry, Bella! I'm here! We're young! We have the rest of our lives to be worried or depressed." He pulled away a little and gently shook me by my arms. "Be happy! I love... I _love _you. Okay?" He pulled me the rest of the way up his chest and this time, my feet really did leave the ground because he was so tall. I could have sworn he had grown a few inches in the past month or so. He was always picking on me that, even though I was older, he was the bigger one.

After the hug Jake put his lips to mine, but didn't move them. I could tell he was waiting on some kind of reaction from me so I pressed mine more firmly into his. His hold on my waist tightened, but nothing else. I opened my mouth and asked for entrance into his with my tongue. He immediately responded and kissed me back. After a minute he sat me back down but didn't release me. 'See ya."

"Yeah, see you tomorrow..." I pulled away even though it seemed like he was expecting something, and started to walk back to the house. When I turned back to look, Jake was still standing there, looking... Not Happy. Before I could really do anything he was in his car and driving away. When I got back inside Charlie called me form the living room.

"So, how was your day?" He asked casually.

Oh God! _He knows!_ I took a deep breath and tried to act like I was still his innocent little girl. "Um, Good... Me and Jake always have fun together." I hoped to hell that the light from the T.V. Wasn't bright enough to show my blush.

"Yeah, I like Jacob. Good Kid." He looked back to the T.V. So I tried to make an escape. Before I took a step he said, "It's good to have you back, Isabella." He looked over at me, and he had that strange look on his face like earlier, and this time I could see clearly what it was. It was a love filled look of relief. It was the kind of look you gave someone when you thought you might have lost them for good, but then found them once again. I felt like he was welcoming me home, for some reason. He stood and kissed me on the top of my head then said "Goodnight."

That was just like Charlie. He was a man a few words, yes, but damn if he didn't know how to use them if he wanted.

As soon as I heard his bedroom door close I burst into tears. This whole time I thought I had Charlie fooled. I put on my Fake Smiles and did everything I was supposed to do... I never realized I wasn't the only victim here. And now, because of Jake, I'm doing a lot better and he thinks I'm okay now. All thanks to Jake...

I ran upstairs and picked up the phone and called Jake, not caring it was a little too late for calls. Billy answered and after I assured him everything was fine, I lied and said I just needed to remind Jake of something important really quick. He put him on and I told him to call me as soon as Billy was asleep because, "I _have _to talk to you." He said okay and hung up. I tried to lay down but couldn't get comfortable. No where was comfy. My bed felt so empty. I stood and walked around for a bit and ended up standing in front the window. I opened it and leaned out as far as I could. For that brief moment I was hoping, praying, begging to God to let him me there...

Nothing. All the pain and sadness washed through me almost at full force, but something was different. I felt more... in control. I thought of the look on Charlie's face tonight. I remembered how peaceful it was, when Jake was holding me today.

I also remember the hurt I caused him when I called out Edward's name. I hated myself more then anything in that single second then I have ever hated anyone. But there was something else... I felt mad. I am mad. But not at myself. At Edward. If he wouldn't have been asking me questions in my head whenever I was with Jake, I never would have said his name. And if he would have never left to me to begin with, I wouldn't be hurting Jake and my Dad. Two people that really loved me.

I felt a wave of anger wash over me from head to toe. I am _pissed_. Why should I be suffering? Edward left me! Left me to rot while he gets to live forever!

But even as mad as I was, I still wanted him. "WHY?!" I screamed in my head. After everything, I still did not want to let him go.

I jumped when my cell phone _buzzed_ on my bed and flashed it's lights at me. I ran to it and answered with, "Jake?"

"What is it Bella? You okay?"

No. Yes. No. "I don't know."

"Okay, well, whats got you all worked up?"

Where do I even start? "Well, I wanted to thank you."

"For what?"

What? What does he mean, what?? "For everything, Jake. For everything you do for me, even when I don't deserve it."

"Bella, come on. Whats all this about?"

Ugh! He never listens! I'll just have to spell it put for him. "Thank you, you git! Thank you for loving me. You saved me, Jake, you know that. Thank you for making me smile and laugh, even when I didn't want to. Thank you for helping me make Charlie happy. Thanks you for sharing your life with me. Thank you for the pleasure you give me. Thank you for even showing me what pleasure feels like! Just... Thank you for being you. I love you!" Okay, that last part kinda slipped out...

"Bella, I love you and I would do anything for you. All that stuff, thats nothing. If you gave me the chance, I promise I could make you the happiest, most pleasured, girl in the world." All of the sudden I got really hot, and then realized I was getting a little turned on at last part. Jake had never broken a promise he made to me, not ever. And I wanted what he wanted.

"Yes."

"Yes?"

"Yes! I am giving you your chance!!"

"So we are official? I can tell people how I feel about you now?"

I squirmed a little at the thought of going public but I knew how much this meant to him. "Yes. Tell them whatever you want."

"Oh my God, Bella, I'm so happy right now, I think I'm going to drive over there just so I can kiss you!"

"No, you can't! You will see me tomorrow and thats soon enough. I promise as soon as I get you alone, you will get your kiss."

He let out a loud exaggerated sigh. "Fine. I guess I'll have to wait."

"Okay, well, you need to sleep so I'll let you go."

"Yeah, I am pretty beat, but I still want to talk to you. But the sooner I go to sleep, the sooner I can get up and come see you. I love you, Bella."

"I love you too, Jake. 'Night."

I fell back on my covers and took a deep breath. I had this weird little feeling in my chest, and I wasn't really sure what it was. I rolled over and hugged my pillow and tried to imagine that it was Jake. Jake, who makes everything better...

When I woke up sometime later, I was covered in sweat and was sure I had just been screaming a moment before I woke up. I ran to my window and threw it open, gasping for air. The cold air stung the wet trials the tears had left on my face. I tried to remember my dream...

Edward and I were in the meadow. Our Meadow. He kissed me and it was so wonderful. It was everything I had always wanted out kisses to be, but everything they never were. His hands where all over me and they were so so cold. He was clutching my head to his with one hand while the other pulled my body all the against him. I started feeling the heat rise and my heart speed. I knew I would hear him speak any second now...

But this time, when I heard the voice in the back of my head, it wasn't Edward, it was Jacob. He was screaming at me and asking me how I could do this to him after everything he had done. I pulled away from Edward and he told me he knew. "I know you don't love me anymore."

"But I still do!" I tried to tell him, but all that came out was a scream and then I was sitting in my bed.

I tired to figure out how he could know, and then it hit me. Alice. I never even thought of that. She could see the path a person was on according to what decision they made. She saw me when I chose to kiss Jacob and when I chose to sleep with him, and also when I agreed to give him a chance. And if Alice knew, then as soon as Edward read her mind, he would know.

I knew there was no way I would make it to the bathroom, so I just leaned out the window and heaved until I was as empty as I felt inside as well as emotionally. Now, surely, all was lost forever as far as Edward was concerned. He would never want me now. If only I could explain...

But there was nothing to even explain. I made my decision, just like he made his. He would never come back. He was lost to me. All was lost.

Well, Bella just can't be happy, huh? Well, I'm not sure if I'm heading in the direction I want, so I might just play around with them for a few chapters. Feedback would help me a WHOLE lot so if you please, just let me know your thoughts. Promise, as always, to respond to everyone! (I hate it when I say something really nice or whatever and I never get anything back, and I don't want to do that to anyone!) Thanks for reading!


	9. Chapter 9: Powerful

Chapter 9:Powerful

I did my best to ignore Charlie's concerned glances the next morning. He never asks me questions about my nightmares, but I know he hears me at night. I'm sure he was thinking all of that was finally behind us. I felt like I had let him down again, and Jake as well.

I called Jake to cancel our date for the day, I really didn't feel like it any more, but he had already left. Not long after Breakfast, Charlie started catching up some things he needed to do around the house, so I did my best to keep occupied, wondering where Jake could be. When he finally showed up, he was really excited and quickly said "Hi" and "Bye" to Charlie and then we were off, without me knowing where we were going.

On the way to, where ever we were going, I decided to I would just push all this bad stuff to the back of my mind. I was with Jake, and he was good at distracting me from my feelings. Plus, I had already made up my mind that I would make sure I did whatever it took to make him as happy as he makes me. It was only fair.

He took us to the Beach. It was almost noon, so the breeze coming off the waves had warmed up a bit. I was about to walk down to the shore like we always did, but he took my hand and said, "This way."

I didn't question him, knowing it was useless. I would know soon enough. We hiked for about half a mile then we came to drop off that looked out over the ocean. We followed a path from there until we reached the top where there was a huge bolder. The side facing the sea looked like it had some of it scooped out with an ice cream scoop. If you walked all the way in, it was almost like being in a cocoon. The sides completely blocked out the wind, but if you faced out, you had a grand view.

The sun was almost directly over head and it was glinting over the water like a hundred million diamonds throw on top of a billowing blanket. The sun, rarely seen here, seemed to bring to life everything it touched. I turned around and beamed my happiness at Jake with a smile. "This is amazing." He smiled and pulled me further in and I looked around.

There was a spot big enough for two people to sit close together. Jake had obviously been here earlier. There was a blanket laid out and a small box tucked into a little niche next to where he sat. I went to him and, without any warning, sat right in his lap, straddling him. I took advantage of his mouth that was hanging open in surprise and kissed him with all the love and thanks I could possibly manage. When he started to respond by running his hands along my backside I pushed off and sat beside him and asked, "So, how was that for a kiss?" He moaned and took my face in his hands and kissed me again, this time doing the kissing instead of being kissed. I really didn't mind. He pulled away and ran his hands over my hair and down my arms and took each of my hands in his and brought them to his lips. He kissed them then said in a rather deep voice, "I have something for you."

"You do? No, Jake, trust me, this is enough. Thank you so much for bringing me here."

"Yeah, but there are two reasons I brought you here. I made you something, and I hope you like it... Just, well, here..." He turned and opened the box but kept it where I couldn't see in it. He handed me a frame turned upside down but didn't let me turn it over yet. "I, uh. I just want you to know I love you, and if you don't like it, you don't have to keep it, okay?"

"Jake..." I said in mock annoyance. I took it from his grip and flipped it over. I gasped in shock. It was me. A black and white sketch of me. Tears sprung in my eyes and all I could get out was, "Oh, Jake..."

I was sure I had never looked this beautiful in real life. Even if I was airbrushed like all the pretty people in the magazines, I would never ever look this beautiful. I could see the time and effort he must have put in to this and it almost broke my heart. I suddenly remembered bursting in his room and seeing a drawing pad I'd never seen him use and when he saw me he shoved it all under his pillow. He had been working on this then. I tore my eyes away from my picture and asked, "How did you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Make me look so beautiful?"

"Bella, I didn't make you look beautiful. You are beautiful. Don't you know that? You don't really see yourself, do you?" He picked up the portrait and resumed. "I did most of this from memory, but I did have one photo of your smile, your Real Smile, and I used it to get that right, but other then that..." He traced a finger along the glass and circled my eyes. "Your eyes, Bella, they are deeper then any ocean. When I look in your eyes, I see an infinity in them. I could live the rest of my life looking in your eyes and still not decode everything in them... I love the rise of your cheeks when you smile. I love that little dimple right there," he said, pointing to it. "It is perfect. And your lips... I can't even describe how they effect me. They can almost hypnotize me. I want to be able to kiss them everyday until the day I die." He put the picture down and took my face in his hands once again. "Don't you see it Bella? How can you not?"

Then he was kissing me. I was so absorbed in his words I didn't even realize it at first. When I came around, I had to pull away with a gasp. He had literally kissed the breath out of me. After a quick breather, I took over. I kissed his mouth then down his chin to his neck. I pushed his shirt up with my hands and as soon as it was out of the way I began to kiss every bit of skin I came in contact with. I could feel him shuddering. Heat was flowing off of him in waves and when my hands grasped him through his pants he moaned without restraint. I could feel and see how turned on he was and it was giving me a rush. I felt... Powerful.

I managed to get every hard inch of him out without even taking his pants all the way off. I took a moment to marvel over what I was seeing. It was the first one I had ever seen in real life, but I didn't really get a chance to look until now, and I was not disappointed. I reached out and wrapped my hand around the base of his shaft. Jake hissed out "Yesss..." When I applied pressure. There was still room, so I wrapped my other hand around him, with my hands touching. There was still room left... Only one option. I put my mouth on it. I could feel him straining to be still while he yelled my name and a curse or two. I would have to punish him for that later.

I swirled my tongue and took in the taste of him. It was musky but pleasant. He tasted like a man. He was hot and throbbing. All because of _me._ With some new found confidence I pulled my hands up while pulling my mouth away, then went back down. I knew he was enjoying it so I began to pick up speed. When I switched and alternated my strokes and started letting a little more of him go into my mouth each time it sounded almost like he was praying. "Oh, Bella! Ah! Yes! Oh... Oh my God! Thank you! Mmmmmm....." I let go with my right hand and reached up to drag my nails across his well defined chest. I was busy marveling at what a fine specimen of a man he was when he suddenly pushed me away and lunged forward off the blanket and faced the wall. His hand pumped for a few seconds before he threw his head back and growled in satisfaction.

I was amazed I could effect him like that. I wanted to please him and I wanted to do even more then that to do so. I was brought back to my senses when he sat back down beside me. "Sorry, but you don't want that stuff on you."

"It's okay, thanks." Oh God, what do you say after something like that? I was starting to feel less confident again but Jake elbowed me and said,

"So, you like your drawing?" with a wicked little grin on his face. I shoved his arm and laughed. He always made things so easy. I just...

"I love you." He looked me in the eyes and smiled again but it was a shy smile.

"Well, that has to do with the other thing I wanted to give you... but it starts off with a story..."


	10. Chapter 10: Cocoon

Chapter 10: Cocoon

I completely forgot Jake said there were two reasons I was here. What did he have in store for me now?

"Okay, tell me."

"Well, it starts with an old Quileute legend. Okay, a long long time ago, there was a there was a man in our tribe named Themas. He was in love with the chief's beautiful daughter named Leilah. When the time came for her husband to be chosen, there were two suiters, Themas and Naboko. They both claimed to love Leilah and begged the Great chief for her hand. But the chief could not decide, and since he thought both to mean what they said, he gave the choice to his daughter.

The Chief's daughter, however, would not make a choice between the two. Someone suggested an interesting idea. If she could not pick between the men, then let them bring her one gift each, and let her choose between the two. The man whose gift she chooses, gets her hand. It was decided they would have one week to bring her their gifts.

Themas set off into the woods heartbroken. He was so sure the Leilah would chose him over Naboko, but she had not. He knew now that he stood no chance. Now see, Themas was no man of many means, Naboko, however was. Themas assumed he would just buy her something expensive, and she would surly pick that over anything he could make her. He spent the first day standing on the edge of a cliff looking over the ocean contemplating what to do. He decided he could not sit by and watch her marry someone else, so he jumped into the sea, praying to die." I gasped because this was not where I expected it to go.

"Shh, it's not over yet. Well, he pretty much hit bottom, literally, and he curled his fist around something in the sand. It was a clam. He knew some people spent money to eat these things, but had never had one himself. He swam to the surface and fought his way to the shore. When he made it ashore he found a rock and pried it open. When he opened it he found a a pretty rock in it. It was the size of a berry but it was milky white and smooth all the way around. It was a pearl. He knew no one else in the tribe had anything like this. He knew then what his gift would be.

He made his way all the way back up to the again and dove to the bottom. He made that grueling jump and fought the waves over and over until he had enough of the little white stones. The day before he was to give Leilah his gift, he sat down and embedded them into a thin piece of leather, using sap to help them stay in place long enough to braid around them with some fine hairs.

The next day, he approached Leilah and tied it around her neck. She stared in amazement and asked where he got it and he said, 'I dove to the bottom of the ocean for you.' Well, she chose his gift, so they all lived happily ever after or something like that."

"Aw, that was sweet. But what does that have to do with me?"

"Well, thats what my Dad told my Mom when he gave her this, and I wanted to give it to you, so I thought it would be nice." He handed me the big box and told me to open it. Inside there was another box. A small, faded pink ring box. My breath caught in my throat. I managed to croak out,

"What is that?" Oh, why do I always ask such stupid questions!

"Well, like I said, it was my Moms, but if you don't want to wear it you don't have to." He picked up the box and opened it, showing it to me. It was a simple gold band with a Pink slightly oval shaped pearl sat in the center. It was beautiful yet modest, with just a hint of flavor thrown in by the tint. It was more beautiful then any diamond ring I had ever seen. I took it and held in gently in my fingers. This had to be one the sweetest things someone had ever tried to give me.

"Jake, I can't take this. It is your Moms, and as much as I would love to wear it, I don't think she would want me to if she were here."

"You are wrong." It wasn't harsh, but he made his point. "She wanted me to put that on the finger of the woman I love, the woman I would dive to the bottom of the ocean for a hundred times to make happy. I want you to have it, and I'm not taking it back. You don't have to wear it, you can keep it in the box."

I shook my head thinking for the thousandth time how lucky I was. Every girl in the world should have someone like Jake. I did the only thing I could do to show him how much all this meant to me, and I put it on my ring finger.... On my right hand. If he noticed that it was the wrong hand, he didn't say, just looked really pleased. He kissed my hand and then pulled me in close for a hug. "I love you..." he breathed.

I took in a deep breath, letting my whole body relax into his as I exhaled and told him I loved him too. I listened to his heart beating and closed my eyes, knowing this had to be to good to be true. What could I have done to deserve someone like him? How could I ever thank him enough for all he does for me? Jake stopped my train of thought when he sighed and said he had better get back down to the car. It had started to sprinkle and he didn't want me to "Take a trip and go on a swim," so we left. He held my hand the whole way.

By the time we made it to his car it was pouring and we were soaked to the bone. He opened my door for me and threw the stuff in the back before hopping in and cranking up the heat, but all that came out was cold air. I laughed at his "Wet Puppy Dog" appearance and couldn't resist. I scooted over and kissed him passionately. I shivered from the warmth of his body. He wrapped me into his arms and I felt so safe. I pulled away and let my own wicked little grin creep across my lips. "You know, there is one thing we can do to help warm up." I kissed him back with more insistence, and he got my message. He pushed my back into the door and traced his hands along my sides and over my breasts. I pushed up into his touch, wanting to feel more. Edward called out my name in a question. "Bella?"

My eyes flew open. His eyes were closed. I felt his hands leaving burning paths of heat along my skin, even through my clothes. The rain was coming down so hard you almost couldn't see anything outside. I tried my best to ignore Edward's questions. I focused on my hands, and what I wanted them to do. I let them wander over Jake's broad back. He was nothing but rippling muscle and sinew. I pulled his shirt up and brought my hands to his chest and lightly scratched from his collarbone and across his nipples and as far down as I could reach. I traced his biceps and triceps that were flexing from the strain of holding his weight slightly off of me. I didn't want him to always be the one doing all the work, so I pushed him back and said, "I want to try something..."

At this point, between the fog covering the window from our breathing and the body heat we were generating and the storm it felt like we were in our own cocoon. I tugged Jake's more then ready member out from its confines and asked, "Is this better?" Before he answered I put my mouth on him and took as much in as I could. He moaned and said "Oh, yes... Bel-la!"

I chuckled a little at that and it sent vibrations from my throat into him and he twisted his hands in my hair moaning all the while. After I was sure he was more then ready, I took a second to shuck off my pants. Once they were out of the way I straddled his lap like I had at the Rock, but this time there was nothing in the way. I looked at Jake and his eyes were glazed over with passion. I moved my hips until I caught his head at my opening. He guided my hips until the angle was just right and then slowly let me sink down onto him. I moaned and let my head drop back a little once he was in to the hilt. I felt so full.

Jake took advantage of my exposed next and attacked it with kisses while deftly working his hands under my bra to cup my breasts and kneaded at them expertly. I tentatively rocked my hips forward and the combined feeling of Jake inside as well as what his hands were doing to me already had me trembling on the edge of release. I began rocking forward at a steady pace until I felt more comfortable at the intrusion. I slowly picked up a faster pace and with in a minute I bucked and even bounced a little as I was overcome with a mind numbing orgasm and fell forward onto his chest, panting. But that was not all.

As soon as I slowed Jake's hand wrapped around and gripped my hips. He kept my hips in place as he thrust his forward, bringing me back down from my release only to start building it up again. One of his hands reached around and grasped my backside and his movements became more insistent. When he squeezed his eyes shut and started to lose some momentum I vigorously ground my hips down on him and I came a second time while Jake finally found his relief. I stayed curled on his chest for a few minutes before we pulled apart and quickly got out still soaking clothes back on and in order.

"Come on, lets get out of these clothes before we catch our deaths." We went to his house because it was closer. No one was there when we finally made it in, dripping wet once again. "Billy is probably at the Clearwaters." He explained. He led me to his room after he snagged a couple of towels from the bathroom. When his door was shut he proceeded to remove every article of my clothing and wrapped the towel around me. He did the same then pulled out two pairs of boxers, socks, and two shirts. I got dressed while he threw my wet clothes in the dryer for me.

After I was done dressing, I bent over to put his socks on my cold feet. Before I could straighten up I felt hot hands caressing my butt. Jake pressed his erection up against me and I gasped. How can he want _more_? I wasn't sure if I could take anymore! He wasn't small by any means and I was really new at this and still trying to get used to it all. I stood up a little straighter and tried to speak, but before I could get any words out, one of Jake's hands made it inside the flap of his boxers I was wearing and straight to my core. I was surprised by the rush of wetness that seemed to appear almost instantly at his touch. I guess it couldn't hurt for round... whatever we were at.

I reached back and slid down the boxers in the back so he would get the hint, and I bent forward a little more, bracing my hands on his bed. In one swift movement I was impaled by Jake's throbbing shaft. I let out a horse cry. I was defiantly sore but it was more then worth it. This seemed to be the path that led best to what I refer to as my "Happy Button." Every single thrust pressed against it and rocketed me closer and closer to the edge. My hands curled into fists in him sheets and as I yelled and begged for more, more...

When I was finally overcome I shook and shuddered and all but collapsed onto the bed, bringing Jake with me. I moaned again but in discomfort as his weight pushed down on me. He quickly removed himself, apologizing. I stretched out and felt a dull burning in muscles I was sure I had never used before until now. Jake laid down with me and I immediately snuggled up to him feeling very content. He asked if I was okay and if he hurt me. I shushed him and said "Take a nap." He sighed but relented by pulling the covers over us. I was so warm and comfortable I wasn't even aware of going to sleep.

I dreamed of being in a warm cocoon.


	11. Chapter 11: Caught

Chapter 11: Caught

When I woke up I was still in Jakes arms. I wished I could press pause on Time and stay in that moment for a little while longer. It was amazingly comfortable and I was sure I had not been this at peace since before Edward...

I felt my stomach tense and feel like it was dropping. I remembered what that feeling was... Anger. Why did I have to think of him? I was so content to lay here in the arms of the most amazing Man I had ever known and all I wanted to do was hold on to that for awhile but he ruined it. Just like he ruined everything... I felt my heart clench in pain. I was mad at Edward. No, I was pissed. Again. And this time, I didn't care if Alice was having a vision of this right now, and if Edward would see or already had that I wasn't sitting around wasting away waiting for him to come back around.

Why should it matter to me what he thinks? _He_ left _me_. If he really doesn't want to be with me, and he obviously doesn't since he has been away for so long... God, why does it still hurt? Why can't I get past the pain already! I am mad at him! Isn't that enough to stop the hurting? I wanted to yell and scream at him... I knew what I had to do.

I sat up and was surprised. I had momentarily forgot about being with Jake. Oh, God, what do I tell him? He was still asleep, so I decided to try and slip away.... But if he woke up and I wasn't here he would be very upset... Shit! I didn't even have my truck. I could steal Jake's car...

No, he would really be mad then... I guess I will just have put it off a little longer then I thought. I laid back down next to Jake but my mind was buzzing and the last thing I wanted to do was sit still. I rolled and faced Jake. I kind of figured it would not be nice to just yell his name and wake him, so I tried to do it subtly.

He was sleeping on his back, so I snuggled closer to his side, wiggling a little more then I needed to. He simply scooped me up with one hand plastered me to his shirt clad chest. I could almost feel his heart pounding through his skin. I pushed my cheek right over it and sure enough I could feel the expansion with every beat I heard. For being so asleep, it was beating pretty hard and fast. Maybe he was dreaming?

I looked at his face and he looked perfectly serene. His eyes weren't even fluttering. As I studied his face I suddenly felt the need to touch his face. I reached my out my right hand to caress his jaw bone when the ring Jacob gave me caught my eye. I almost gasped, but held it in. I had somehow forgotten. Or maybe it was just because I wasn't used to seeing it there that made it catch my attention.

I completely forgot about touching his face for a second while I admired it from every angle. It was so beautifully crafted. So elegant. I had to admit, it looked great on my finger, there was just one thing wrong... It wasn't on the right finger. I don't know why that stood out to me so much. Maybe because I knew it was used as an engagement ring before is what made me feel like it was on the wrong hand. I mean, he didn't actually say, "Bella, will you marry me" or anything, he just wanted to show he loved me... I remembered that I wanted to touch him again. I contemplated moving the ring, but Jake's snore made me jump out of my trance.

I bit back a laugh. It was such a cute little snore. He was sleeping so well, and I really didn't want to wake him now. I carefully reached out again and grazed my fingers along his left cheek and down his jaw. His skin was hot. Not just warm, but _hot_. Pedro from Napoleon Dynamite "_hh-aught."_ I was immediately concerned and I sat up so I could peer at him closely. I put the back of my hand to his forehead and he was burning up. He hadn't been acting sick at all but maybe at was from the rain. I wanted to wake him up and ask how he was but he never let me take care of him. The only thing he ever let me do for him was cook him something. He always, always, is the one taking care of me. But he hates it when I fuss over him, so I made up my mind I would just watch him closely to see if he did anything that was unusual, then if he did, I would tell Billy to take him to the doctor so he couldn't fight me about it. I smiled to myself. Diabolical was the word Emmet used, I think.

I knew it had to be getting really late and we needed to be decent lest anyone catch us like this. I decided a more direct course of action was necessary. I slithered my way onto Jake's chest and kissed him lightly on his lips. He made a little grunt noise that sounded like a protest, but wrapped his strong arms around my waist and held me to him. I kissed all around his mouth and down his neck. But when I realized I was waking something else up, I sat up quickly, made a little "tisk" noise and said, "Uh uh, Jake, no more for you." I tried to get away but just found myself flipped over with Jake's hard body pressing down on me. He kissed my neck and this time he did something new and bit down on my skin. I moan escaped before I could even think of holding it in. His hands were roughly roaming my body and I was more then ready for him. He just made it so hard to say no.

We didn't even bother taking off our own boxers since they were more then accommodating. Jake had already sprung out of his and all he had to do was part the flap on mine before he slid home. I gasped and clutched to his huge shoulders with my nails digging in his skin. Jake didn't seem to mind, he just pushed him self in deeper. Soon he picked up a little more pace but I wanted more. I slid my hands down to grasp his waist, dragging my nails the whole way, and pulled on him harder. He sat up a little and grabbed my hips. He had a look of complete determination on his face as he pounded into me, grunting a little with each thrust. I was moaning out senseless pleas and affirmations of pleasure. Edward was in my head but I mentally shouted him him to "Go Away! I am BUSY!" and blocked him out.

Jake's hold on my hips was probably tight enough to bruise and yet I wanted him to hold me tighter. He was drilling into me with what seemed to be his full force and I still wanted more. As I shuddered and exploded I clenched down on Jake and he came with my name on his lips and fell on top of me. As we laid together, trying to regain our normal breathing again I realized that I was addicted to the pleasure he could make me feel. I always felt so much better after and did until things were ruined but thoughts of Edward. Even with him still talking in the back of my head, if I wanted to and if I let it, the pleasure could drowned him out.

But no, it's not necessarily the pleasure. I mean, there would be no pleasure if it weren't for Jake. It was to him that I was addicted. I breathed in his masculine scent that I had come to associate with sex and could almost feel myself getting ready and wet for him again, despite my utter exhaustion. This man just might be the death of me.

After a few minuets Jake said he had better get me home. He kissed he deeply before getting off the bed. He put on a pair of jeans then went to get my cloths out of the dryer. When he came back in his room he had a mortified look on his face and all he said was "Bella, I'm so sorry," and handed me my clothes. I was about to ask him what was wrong when I heard Billy say, from the doorway, "Get dressed, Bella. We have to talk."

All the blood drained from my face as I stood, equally mortified, staring at Jake. He handed me my clothes and walked out. I hastily pulled my jeans on over his boxers and put on my bar and shirt. I wanted to keep his shirt too but I couldn't wear it home so I had to leave it. I carefully folded up the pair of sensible, plain pink panties I had been wearing and hid them under his pillow. I don't know what possessed me to do it, but I could just imagine what he would look like when he found them, and I knew he would be shocked that I did it. As I slowly walked out to the kitchen all I could think about was I needed to get some better underthings if someone was going to actually be seeing them now.

I sat next to Jake and he held my hand in a tight grip. He looked embarrassed about being caught, but he also had a look of defiance in his eyes, and I knew he was thinking the same thing I was. He did not regret it and was going to fight for our love. I wanted to tell him then how much I really, really, did love him but I figured now wasn't exactly the time. Billy studied us for a moment and then spoke first.

"So, how long as this been going on?"

Jake answered before I could even take a breath to answer, "It just started. Today was only the second..." He stopped there. I could tell he was trying to be as honest as possible but he couldn't really say it was only the second time. "... day that we did that." That was at least the truth.

"And are you being safe?" He had a stern look on his face like this was what he was worried about the most. This time, I answered.

"Yes, defiantly." Jake looked at me in confusion and Billy's eyes narrowed like a hawks. I elaborated. "I've been on birth control since I was 16. It helps regulate you." I said with a shrug, not really wanting to have this conversation with them. Billy visibly relaxed at that and I wondered if there was something more there then just being concerned about my getting pregnant. Did he not want me and Jake to be together?

"Well, Good." He looked me in the eyes and asked, "Are you going to tell Charlie?"

I blushed at the thought of_ that _conversation, and quickly said, "Look, Charlie and I have a 'need to know' kind of relationship. I know how to handle this, and we are being safe about it, and if he knew it would just make everything very uncomfortable for everyone." I tried to put a little emphasis on the 'everyone'.

"I suppose you are right. But if he catches you doing what I just did, don't think he will do what I did and keep a cool head. He does carry a gun." He looked pointedly at Jake, who ducked his head a little but didn't take it laying down.

"I love her, Dad. And she loves me." Billy looked at me and then at our hands. He saw the ring and he suddenly looked like he was in a little pain. But he quickly smiled and said, "Your mother would have been so happy for you two." Then he wheeled himself away. I felt like crying, but I held it in. Jake turned to me and said, "Lets go."

It was still sprinkling while Jake drove me home, both of us lost in our own thoughts. He walked me to my door and kissed me sweetly, wishing me a goodnight. I reached up and stroked his face, noting he was still rather warm. As he walked away I admired his form. He had been growing faster then a weed lately and he had definitely grew into his body a little more. He was more defined and toned and looked like he was a lot older then what he was. My thoughts started to drift into a wonderfully naughty gutter, but I pulled them back out. I really didn't need to be thinking of that while I was talking to Charlie.

It turns out he had already ordered a pizza. We talked about our day and had a pleasant conversation while I ate my cheese pizza and dipped it Ranch Dressing. It was almost Nine o'clock so I said "Goodnight" and went to take a shower for school the next day. It was strange. Usually the weekend felt like it went by so slowly and I couldn't wait for school to start back, but now I was counting the hours until I could see Jake again.

My mind was in a NC-17 mood the whole time I was in the shower. I folded Jake's boxers and hid them in the bottom of my laundry basket, wondering if he had found his "present" yet. After I was dressed I went to the window out of habit and opened it. When I realized I was looking around for _him_ I felt the rush of anger again and remembered my plan. It would have to wait till after school tomorrow. I slammed the window shut and glared at my reflection. Why couldn't I let go? Why did I still love him? Will it ever go away? Did I even want it too?

I threw my self on my bed and tried to sleep. I tossed and turned for almost an hour. It was no use. I was so attached to Jake I couldn't find a comfortable spot because none of them were in his arms. My phone _buzzed_ on my nightstand where I had sat it to charge. Oh, thank God!

"Jake!" I answered, knowing he could hear how happy and awake I was.

"Bella, I'm sorry it's so late, but I couldn't sleep..."

"I know, me either. My bed is so cold. I wish you were here then I would be warm and comfy. I sleep so good when you are with me."

"I know what you mean. My bed feels so empty and I have nothing to hold."

I took a deep breath and said "God, I miss you..." At the same time Jake sighed and said, "God, I miss you..." We both chuckled quietly.

"I will see you tomorrow, won't I?" I asked.

"Of course. I can't wait to see you again..."

"I know. But hey, remember, the sooner you fall asleep, the closer you will be when you wake up!"

He laughed again and said, "Yeah, but I have school tomorrow and there is going to be no way I am going to be able to concentrate when I've got your panties in my pocket."

I gasped. I completely forgot! "Jake! You're a bad boy. Don't take those to school with you!"

"But I can't put them down. They smell like you." I could hear him inhaling deeply. Oh my... "Mmmm... You are an evil woman to tease me like this. I have a hard on that I can't get rid of thanks to you." But he didn't sound like he minded at all. In fact, I could tell he was enjoying this as much as I was. I wasn't even in the same room with him but I could still arouse him. And even though he wasn't here I could almost feel the heat coming off him and smell his manly scent that I works like an aphrodisiac on me. "I wish I was there with you, Bella. Do you want to know what I would do to you if I were?" he purred into the phone. I could feel my wetness pooling as I managed to croak out a "Yes."

"I would start off my removing every piece of your clothing that was keeping some part of you hidden. Then I want to kiss and lick and nibble on every last inch of your soft skin. I want to part you and taste your sweetness. I would lick and suck on you until you were begging me to enter you. Then I will add a finger and get you off until you couldn't stand it any longer. After I am sure you have had enough I am going to bury myself inside you and ride you until you have screamed yourself hoarse form it all." I wasn't sure when he went from saying what he wanted to do, to saying what he was going to do. "Right when you think you couldn't take it any more, I will flip you over and pound you until you clench around me, still begging me for more. I might even let you get on top and have your way with me. But I promise you, the next chance I get, I am going to drive you half insane with pleasure." I actually moaned out loud at the thought. I knew that not only could he do it, but that he had never broken a promise to me yet.

I decided to have some fun with him and let out a breathy "You promise?" He moaned my name in response and said, "You bet." I almost said for him to come and take his chance now, but like Billy said, Charlie owns a gun. I settled with a "So, around 4 tomorrow then?"

"Make it 3:30. I'll tell Billy I won't be stopping by after school. Oh, now I'm really not going to be able to concentrate..."


	12. Chapter 12: Letting It Out

Chapter 12: Letting It Out

When I woke up I had just enough time to get to school on time. I rushed through my routine and was out the door in no time. All day long my thoughts were of nothing but Jake. I kept up an internal countdown, ticking away the minutes until I would be in his arms again. Charlie wouldn't be home until at least Six, maybe even later, so we would have a little time to do whatever we wanted. My mind was more then happy to imagine exactly what we would be doing.

At lunch Angela looked at me with a but of a confused look on her face. "Hey, Bella."

"Hi." I normally faded out of all the conversations, but I didn't really feel like doing that today. I faced her and asked, "So, how have you been?"

She defiantly looked shocked, but she excitedly started up a conversation. After some idle banter she made an observation. "You know, I can't quite put my finger on it, but something about you has changed. It's not your hair, and you aren't wearing any make up, but I swear you looked like a completely different Bella! What has happened to you girl?"

"Nothing. I mean, well..." I wanted to tell her, but I was still afraid to admit I was attempting to move on from Edward... But I knew she wouldn't judge me, and I had better get used to saying stuff like this out loud, after all. "You know my friend Jacob? We met him at La Push that one time?" She nodded. "Well, we are together now."

She gasped. "Really!? Oh, Bella, that is wonderful. I am so glad you are finally over..." She let her sentence die. I could tell she felt bad about almost bringing him up so I tried to make things easier.

"Yeah, it's definitely a good thing. I've wasted enough time as it is. Plus, Jake is great. I owe everything to him."

"Aw, that is so sweet! I am so happy for you!" Her praise caught the Jessica's attention.

"What is sweet?" Jessica asked. She eyed me with a look like she couldn't imagine anything being sweet that had to do with me. Angela looked at me before adding, "Bella has a new beau. You remember Jacob, from La Push?"

"Oh, really." She looked me up and down and an evil smile spread across her face. "Well, that didn't take long." She flipped her hair and turned her attention back to Mike while Angela gave me an apologetic look and said quietly,

"Don't listen to her. She never got over the fact that you got with Edward when she never even stood a chance." I nodded but couldn't help but feel a bit of regret over bringing it up. If there was one thing I did not miss, it was all the high school drama. I should have known that Edward's name would be brought up and I still felt the stab of pain in my heart whenever I thought of him. I felt the tightening in my chest and the tears pooling in my eyes. I told Angela I wasn't feeling well and I stood and threw my food away. I felt my face burn as I remembered sitting in this same place, talking with him and trying to riddle out his secrets. I was almost to my truck when the tears finally broke free.

I sat in the cab and sobbed on to my steering wheel. Why did it always go back to this? I looked at the empty spot where I had torn out the the radio I had gotten as a birthday present from the Cullen's. I felt something boiling up inside me and I knew if I didn't let it out that I was going to explode. I started my ancient truck and sped off. My face was still wet from crying, but I was no longer the weak and broken Bella that could not pull her self together. I was Jakes' Bella. I was mad and I felt like screaming and kicking at someone. And I knew who that someone should be. I pulled onto a hidden dirt road and drove even faster. I was almost there and I couldn't get there fast enough. I came to a screeching halt, sending dirt and gravel spraying everywhere. I stared at the empty house with a mixture of sadness and anger.

I remembered what I felt like the first time I had ever been here, and I recalled vividly the last time I had ever walked through the door, into my birthday party that resulted in the mess I had been left in. How could they all just leave? Every one of them still meant so much to me. But even though I was still hurting, I could feel the pain burning and turning into a fire that gripped my whole chest. I jumped out of the car and let everything that was building inside of me out in a scream.

I took the deepest breath I could and forced out every last bit of it. I shut my eyes and I could feel my ear drums tightening to protect themselves against the sheer volume of my voice. My throat felt like it was being ripped apart but the pressure in my chest was lessened a little. I took another breath and let it out with a shrill that sent the birds fluttering from their tree branches. I felt a little lightheaded and leaned against my truck while all my memories of Edward played through my mind. Tears began flowing again but my heart felt less heavy with sadness. But the heaviness seemed to be seeping down into my stomach where it was coiling like a snake getting ready to strike.

I was remembering the night when I had to run from James when Edward and I had to separate. I remembered the way his eyes looked right before he left. So dark and cold and dead. I shuddered and remembered him telling me he would never leave and that he loved me. I felt more anger and before I even noticed what I was doing, I was yelling again. I looked up to the house and shouted, "**LIAR**!"

Edward lied. He didn't love me. He said he wouldn't leave, but he did.

And Alice lied. She said it would be okay and it wasn't. She said I would be like one of them someday... Cold, and immortal. But she was wrong.

My anger needed to be let out again and I kicked at my tire. I hoped Alice was seeing this. If only Edward could read my mind, then he would know how much pain I was in and how angry I was, then I might feel a little better... Well, he couldn't, but I could say it out loud in hopes that he sees in in Alice's' head.

I imagined Edward standing in front of me, ready to hear what I had to say. He at least owed me that. I took another deep breath and went off on an invisible Edward.

"How dare you Edward Cullen! You said you loved me and that you weren't going to stay away from me anymore! How dare you leave me here to rot while you go on without a care in the world! You cold hearted Bastard! Where are you? Why are you doing this to me? Why won't you get out of my head? Why won't you leave me alone? I can't even be happy! I hate you for this, I swear I do! Why didn't you just kill me when you had the chance...?"

I fell to my knees and sobbed into my hands. Rage and Relief and Regret but Contentedness flowed through me at the same time. My emotions were swimming through my head and I heard Edward over it all.

"Sorry, baby. Goodbye." I gasped. What did he mean, 'Goodbye?' Was he gone? I closed my eyes and tried to find his voice but there was nothing. I called his name out loud and coughed from a scratchy throat. I looked around. Nothing had changed but I somehow felt like something was missing. Fear ripped through me. What if he really was gone for good now? What if I never heard him again? My heart felt like it had been stabbed and I cried out in agony.

This is not what I wanted. I wanted him to be with me, I needed him to be there at least somewhat. I tried to remember why I was so mad but all that mattered was that now, now he was gone. For good. Once he saw Alice's vision he would think I was over him.

But is that not what I wanted when I came here? I was pissed at how strongly he affected my life, and I wanted him out, so I came here to yell at him to leave me alone, and now that he had, I felt like the world had stopped all over again. I thought of Jake and my heart broke some more. If there was any left, as it is.

There was only one way to be sure, and that was to make love to Jake. If he was truly gone, then I won't hear anything. I knew it would be a good thing if I didn't, but part of me still wanted that tiny bit of him to cling to. Maybe my problem is that I just won't let myself move on. Maybe it is my fault I can't seem to just be happy.

I picked myself up and got in my truck. As I drove home I thought about all the time I had spent mooning over Edward and I felt anger again, but at myself. Why did I let him ruin my life? I should just forget about him and show him how happy I can be without him in my life. That should hurt him more then anything. And the one sure way to hurt him the most was by being happy with Jacob. It was almost time for school to let out, so I ran inside and cleaned up and drank some water to help my sore throat. I curled up on the couch with my MP3 player to wait for Jake to show. I didn't mean to fall asleep...

My dreams fluttered around me. First there was Edward, then I was chasing him. I was calling him, telling him I needed to talk to him, but I wasn't fast enough to get to him. Then Jake came in and he took my hand and led me away, with me fighting it and crying the whole way. Then they took on a completely different subject matter when Jake started touching me. He stood behind me and I melted against him as his hot hands gripped my body. He kissed my neck then brought my skin in between his teeth and sucked, hard. He was probably going to leave a mark but I did not care one bit. I wanted him to mark me, and make my body his. I moaned his name and asked for more. He complied with a hand between my legs and he began to work his fingers inside me. I moaned and pressed myself harder into his warm lean body. When he found my clit and stimulated it with him thumb I felt my muscles clench in a small orgasm and I woke with a start.

Only even though the dream had ended, the pleasurable sensations did not. I gasped and ground my hips down on his hand. It really was Jake. He took my eagerness as an invitation and quickly removed my pants and underwear and wasted no time in fulfilling his promise to drive me insane with pleasure. He attacked me with his tongue and wiggled his fingers inside me. I thrust my hips forward trying to get even more out of him. He buried his whole face, from nose to chin, into my core and let out a deep gravely growl from inside his throat. He shook his face from side to side and I fell apart from his ministrations. I wrapped my hands in his hair and screamed and moaned for him to take me. He didn't listen, just kept at me, sending me flying again in almost no time. After the third time, I tugged on his hair and pulled his face out and said as seriously as I could, "Jake, you better fuck me now, before I hurt you."

He laughed and said, "Well, if you insist." But instead of doing what I asked, he sat back and put his hands up behind his head, looking perfectly at ease despite his hardened member jutting out at me like a javelin. I cocked an eyebrow and he shrugged a little and said, "Go on, try to hurt me." He looked a little cocky, like I couldn't possibly do anything to phase him. Well, I will show him.

I crawled over to him and rested myself between his legs. There wasn't a lot of room on the couch, but with the right positioning, I was at a comfortable spot, looking right down at his shaft. I gripped it lightly in my hand and admired it from all angles again. It was truly magnificent. I highly doubted any other boy his age was as well developed as he was. Maybe it was in his genes... Well, this surly wasn't in his jeans now... I laughed a little at myself before kissing it softly, then trailing my tongue down his shaft to the base. My free hand rubbed from his chest to his thigh and back up again. After there was a nice wet trail of saliva coating his underside I blew cool air from my lips and felt him tense at the sensation. I took his head in my mouth and swirled my tongue around it, laving it up, then pulled away and blew again. He hissed and I could see he was putting a lot of effort into staying still. "So, how is this for a blow job, Mr. Cocky-Big-Man?" I wasn't sure where those words came form, they just flew out so I wrapped my lips around his member to keep anything else form coming out. He groaned and pushed up slightly, trying to get more of himself into my mouth. I gripped his base and pushed him back down, shanking my hand. "Tisk tisk, Jake, I will have none of that. This is on my terms." He moaned again but let his eyes close and his head fall back, surrendering to me. I felt so turned on I almost skipped right to the good part, but I managed to hold out a little longer.

I put my mouth back on him and started moving my hand in alternating strokes, picking up speed when I found a good rhythm. I let his head hit the back of my throat once, then twice, when he suddenly jerked me up by my wrists and said harshly, "Enough." He pulled me up some more, then grabbed my hips and held me above him as he positioned himself beneath me. Once he lowered my hips I slid right down on top of him and let out a cry of joy. I could feel him stretching me and touching places only he had ever touched before. My eyes were closed and I was gripping his shoulders hard enough to break the skin. I started bucking in his lap and I came within the first few seconds, making my other orgasms feel like a tickle compared to this. My voice was already horse and now I was straining it to the point of exhaustion, yelling the way I was. But I didn't care. I kept rocking until I felt my tide hit the shore again then I began to lose my energy and started to slow. Once I was still, Jacob rubbed my back until my breathing was normal again, then whispered in my ear, "My turn." I had thought I was done, but I felt my body shiver in anticipation for what he was about to do.

I let out a squeak when I was suddenly on my back, underneath him, our bodies staying connected the whole time. You had to admit, he was good at what he did. That thought brought something to my mind and I stopped his kisses to ask, "Jake, where you a virgin before me?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Well, I mean, how did you get so damn good at it?" I blushed when he let that smug little grin play on his lips and rephrased, "I mean, how is it you know what to do?"

"I guess it's a guy thing. My body lets my mind know what I want, and I pay attention to you so I can make it good for you." He thrust into me to prove a point. "Like that, I know you liked that because your eyes fluttered." He pushed in again, a little harder. "And if I do this..." he sat up and picked up my leg and pushed in deeper and I cried out at the feeling of him. "I know you like that because of the sounds you make..." He was plowing into me with more intensity and I started to reach my boiling point again. He sat back up and caught my other ankle and held my legs in a V shape and continued without missing a beat. "And I know you like that, because your eyes went wide and you... Oh, God... You are so _tight _Bella..." It was a new feeling and I came apart, chanting his name.

He slowed his thrusts and came to rest with his head on my chest. He looked me in the eyes and smiled. I smiled back, knowing it was a true smile and I thanked God that I had someone who loved me this much in my life. I kissed his lips, trying to put all my feelings of love and gratefulness into it that words just couldn't describe. He must have felt it because he tenderness in his lips and his movements mirrored mine. We stroked each others hair out of the way and stared in the eyes of the other and let the love flow between us. He gently rocked inside me, not just to feel the physical pleasure from it, but because it felt so wonderful to be connected in every way. I clung to Jake as he made sweet love to me until we both fell over the edge of a more spiritual rather then physical orgasm.

As much as I wanted nothing more then to curl in his arms and sleep for the rest of the day, I knew we couldn't be caught in this state and convinced Jake to come get cleaned up and made to look decent. When I came out of the bathroom, I found Jake in my room. He had hung up the sketch he made me over my desk and was admiring it when I wrapped my arms around him.

"I forgot to give it to you last night, I didn't remember until I was home that it was still in the back seat..." I looked him in the eyes and said in all seriousness,

"You are to good to me." He shook his head then pulled me to my bed and we cuddled up. Once we were both settled he said, "I love you" and fell asleep almost instantly. I guess an hour and a half of lovemaking really takes it out of him. I smiled as I grazed my eyes over his beautiful Native American features.

I pressed my fingers to his gorgeous Mocha colored skin and marveled yet again over how hot he was. Maybe he was just hot natured, like he said. He had lived here his whole life and it is possible to get used to environmental things like cold if you spent enough time in it. I traced his jaw line and he strong chin. I sighed and snuggled as close as I could possible get into his warmth, and let my self float away.


	13. Chapter 13: My Jake

Chapter 13: My Jake

Charlie knocked on the my bedroom door, waking both of us with a start. I felt the heat in my cheeks but I tried to sound brave when I said, "Yes, Charlie?"

He raked his eyes over us and around the room like he was looking for some kind of evidence. He met my eyes and said, "So, is Jake staying for dinner?" I looked at Jake and tried to tell him to say "NO!" with my eyes but he just smiled at Charlie and said,

"Sure, that sounds great. Why don't I call Billy?"

Charlie made a gruff noise of affirmation and walked away. I sighed and leaned back on my pillow. "You know he is going to torture us at dinner. He knows we are more then just friends now, and he isn't going to just let it go." I whispered.

"Yeah, but it will be better when he gets it all off his chest and lets us be." I looked at him in surprise,

"You mean you will willingly sit through an hour of Charlie's stern 'evil' looks and One-Hundred and Twenty Questions?"

"Bella, have I not already proven myself? And besides, it's not like he doesn't know me. I don't think it will be too bad..."

As always, Jake was right. It was a little more then discomforting to watch Charlie grill Jacob, but like he said, since he already knew him, and liked him to boot, it wasn't as bad as it could have been. Billy gave us a few knowing glances that had me blushing into my napkin while trying to hide it. I sat by Jake and he kept his left hand on my thigh all through dinner. The heat from his hand felt like I had a heating pad on that one spot. I eyed him out of the corner of my eye to see if anything else was wrong. He still ate enough for at least two or three people, and he laughed and acted completely normal. He didn't look sick at all, so why was his temperature still so high?

After dinner he pulled out of the back door and into the shadows of the trees. As soon as we were in the dark cover he pulled me into his grasp and kissed me deeply. I stood on my tip toes and put my arms around his neck and wrapped my hands in his hair. Being this close to him was almost enough to counteract the chill from the wind. After we broke apart we walked to a huge tree and sat down at its base.

"I don't want you to leave tonight..." I said, meaning it wholeheartedly. I only seemed to be okay he Jake was near, and night was always the worst of times for me. Jake just sighed and pulled me closer. "Will you stay with me?"

He looked uneasy and said, "Bella, please, you know I can't say no to you. But if Charlie caught us..." He let his sentence die so my imagination could fill in the blank. I knew he was right so I let it drop, deciding I would enjoy the time we had while I could. Even though Jake had me pulled to his side by his arm wrapped around me, it wasn't enough. I needed to be closer. I propped myself up and slid into his lap, saying,

"Hold me." I rested my head in the crook of his neck and he leaned his cheek onto the top my my head. His arms scooped me up effortlessly and cradled me to his chest like a baby. After some time, I felt a small chuckle leave him and I asked what was funny.

"Nothing, just thinking." I raised my head and looked him in the eyes and asked about what. "Well, you remember the first time we kissed?" I blushed but thankfully he couldn't tell. I definitely did remember, but for a completely different reason. I simply nodded. "I was just thinking about how far we had come from then. I ran away from your house like I was being chased and I just can't believe what a jackass I was, kissing you when you were already so upset. I was sure you would never talk to me again, and now here we are... Together." He laughed a little again. I laid my head back down and silently seethed.

_Damn you, Edward! You ruin everything! _

I couldn't think of our first kiss without remembering the little voice echoing in my head. I hadn't heard him since he said 'Goodbye' and I was beginning to think he really was gone and I still felt undeniably sad about that, even though I shouldn't. I still wanted to hold onto that one part of him, no matter what. And because of him, almost every 'experience' Jake and I have had has been intruded upon by him. Except for today. I just realized that I wasn't interrupted at all, and how amazing it was, to just be with Jake. I knew what I needed to do.

I sat up and moved in his arms until I was straddling him, face to face. I looked into the deep black pools that are Jake's eyes and felt my whole heart melt. Even in the darkness, something about him seemed to shine. He was like the light at the end of the tunnel, and I just now saw that the light was more then just in reach, it was in kissing distance. I touched his face and felt that his body temperature was still way to hot. I kissed his forehead, then each cheek. I cupped his face and brought my lips to his. He let me do all the kissing, he just responded appropriately. I felt his whole body responding and I couldn't help the rush of desire flooding thorough my veins. I was finally just kissing Jake. I forgot all about Edward's voice intruding and lost myself in the warmth that was all Jake. My Jake. My best friend, my savior, my rescuer, my warmth, my lover... I broke the kiss and cried onto his shoulder. I was vaguely aware that he had no idea what was going on with me and he probably thought I was crazy but all I could do was cry.

I cried some for myself, and some for the pain I still felt over losing Edward. But mostly, I cried for Jake. He had no idea how dishonest I had been with him and I felt sick to my stomach thinking about all the hurt I must have caused him through out all this. I never once stopped to think how my actions would reflect on the people around me who cared. I just stayed wrapped up in all things negative and depressing until Jake broke down my walls, one by one. Thanks to Jake, I had a life again. I smiled and laughed. I felt happiness and found out the meaning of pleasure. All thanks to My Jake.

He quietly 'Shushed' and petted on me until I was clam again. He pulled me to face him and he wiped off my cheeks with the corner of his sleeve and asked, "What is it?" I just shook my head and kissed him again. I didn't want to talk right now, all I wanted was to feel.

I worked my hands under his shirt and rocked my hips back and forth to show him what I wanted. He got the picture and grasped my bottom and lifted me further up his chest and stood without even breaking our kiss. I was so stunned that he managed to stand up while I was sitting on him that I barely even noticed being pushed back into the tree we were sitting under. He sat me on the ground long enough to pull off my sweats and for me to step out of them while he unzipped his fly. Once nothing was in our way he lifted me up and I wrapped my legs around his waist. His hands gripped me under my thighs and I held myself to him by wrapping my arms around his neck. He kissed me again, took aim, and let me slid down his chest a little at a time. I gasped when I felt him at my opening and I sighed in content when he made it all the way in, but when he let my most of my weight down on him and thrust into me at the same time, hard enough to slid my back painfully up the bark, I moaned out, very loudly. He caught my lips in his and silenced me with his tongue before he drove me upward again.

In some part of my brain, I was aware of the uncomfortable scratching of the bark on my back though my shirt and of Jacob's blunt fingertips digging into my thighs. I was also aware that Charlie could walk a few feet into the trees before he saw what we were doing, but I did not care. I was mostly overcome with the sensations this new position was gratifying me with. I was almost holding myself up because of how tight the grip of my arms and legs were, and all Jake had to do was raise me up some and then let gravity and our bodies do the rest.

I was completely caught up in nothing but Jake. I shut off every other thought in my mind and submersed myself into the oblivion of bliss. My body seemed to clench and tense in almost no time, and I felt the freedom of release coursing though my body and pounding in my head as surly was Jake was pounding into me. I tugged on Jacob's hair threw back my head. He latched onto my neck and kissed and bit and sucked without missing a beat. I was moaning again but had enough sense to keep it quite. Jake was letting out a primal grunt with every push of his hips. I could feel his muscles straining through his shirt and his arms shaking. When he let go of my neck I locked eyes with him. I felt more connected to him then I ever felt to anyone else. His face was taunt and his eyes were determined.

I was so caught up in examining him that my second orgasm took me by surprise and I clenched reflexively. Jake gasped and drove into me three more times in quick succession and came with a last grunt of satisfaction. When he sat my legs back on the ground we were both trembling to much to move yet. We stayed leaning against the tree with our arms gripping the other like a lifeline for awhile.

Once our legs worked again we re-dressed and walked around to the front of the house and sat in the swing. Jake pulled me into his arms and asked if I was okay.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" He just shrugged and kept me close. I was still in his arms when Billy and Charlie walked out on the porch.

"Wondered where you two got to," Charlie commented.

"We were just spending time together while we can." I said a little defensively. I felt like it was all his fault that I couldn't stay with Jake all the time, even though that wasn't the case. No one said anything about my tone, however.

Charlie got Billy down the stairs while Jake and I walked to his car. He hugged me and I asked, "I will see you tomorrow, right?"

"Of course, nothing could keep me away." I felt a little better because I knew it was true. I kissed him once more before heading back inside.

When I got out of the shower and got dressed, I sat by the window. I didn't open it, and I tried to not look around outside too much, I just looked out into the darkness, thinking of everything, but mostly of Jake. I held my phone waiting for him to call until it was almost One in the morning. He was tired, so he probably just laid down and passed right out. I climbed into my cold bed and hugged my pillow, wishing it was him.


	14. Chapter 14: More Than Worth It

Chapter 14: More Than Worth It

When I woke up the next morning I felt a dull ache in my legs and arms and my back felt like it was burning. I got up and looked at my reflection, trying to understand why it was hurting so bad just to stand. I had a bit of a hickey on my neck but I could keep it hidden with my hair. I lifted my shirt and turned and looked at my back. My upper back was covered in little scratches and red spots that looked like fabric burn. I was just wearing my sleeping shorts so when my gaze fell to the backs of my thighs I saw long purple and blue bruises going in a few different directions. It was unmistakably from where Jake was holding me against the tree. I turned again and looked at my front. There were circular bruises on my hips. I calculated how I felt l all over, and I really wasn't hurting that bad. I just needed to stretch out a bit. I knew none of the marks were intentional, and I knew for a fact that I wanted him to do everything he did, so I wasn't mad or even upset. My back did hurt a little, but I'll take some Tylenol and I'll be just fine. I was just worried what Jake would say when he saw them.

No doubt he will act all protective and treat me like something fragile and regret doing it. Now he was probably never going to touch me again...

Well, not if I had anything to say about it. All I could think about as I got dressed was how amazing making love with Jake was, and that it was more then worth it...

School went by so very slowly. I looked at my Planner and counted the days I had left until I graduated; 35. June 11th could not get here soon enough for me. I did all my work and got our schedule for our finals. In English, I saw Jessica looking at me and then turn around to talk to Lauren. When Lauren made it a point to look around Jessica to stare at me, I got a little more then annoyed. What was their problem?

I decided to ignore them, even when they started laughing about something loudly. I had better things to do then worry about them.

At lunch, I talked to Angela for awhile about Graduation and what her plans were. When Jessica and Lauren sat at the table I acted as if nothing was wrong and tried to be nice. When I left to throw away my tray, I decided to swig back by the table and ask if Angela wanted to hang out sometime and meet Jake. It was time he met some of my friends. Maybe she and Ben would want to double date? We made plans to call each other soon and get together.

I suffered through my last class, Chemistry. I already knew how to balance equations! I just wanted to hang out with Jake already!

After what seemed like the hundredth time I looked at the clock I had a bit of a nervous twinge. I was getting really dependent on Jake, just like I had been with... Him. Okay, is still hurts to much to say his name, so sue me. But I just don't get it... Why does my happiness depend on what guy I am with?

I thought back to what it was like before I moved to Forks. I was just a normal teenage girl. I went to school and made good grades. I spent time with my Mom and I had a few friends I was close to. I had never had a boyfriend before, but that had never bothered me at all. I was always perfectly content to curl up with a good book rather then to 'go out.' I had never really met any boy who was on the same level mentally or intellectually or even emotionally. Until I met...

But I mean, technically he doesn't count because he has been 17 for how long? So he had a lot of practice... I groaned inwardly but I physically put my hands to my temples as if I could will my brain to stop letting every last single thing lead back to Edward. Angela tapped my shoulder and asked if I was okay. I tried to smile and said "Yeah, it's just a headache. I'm ready to go home." I turned back around and glanced at the clock again and this time I groaned out loud... 45 more minutes to go...

School was finally over and I had just changed out of my school clothes when Jake was walking through the door. When he saw me he picked me up in a tight hug. He let me go so I could breathe but then just covered my mouth with his. I latched onto him and wouldn't have let him pull away even if he would have tried. I wiggled in his arms until he sat me down. The hight difference caused us to have to part lips. I looked up at him and let him see my Real Smile for a second before leading him upstairs.

When we got in my room he started to say something but I cut him off. I was already unbuttoning my pants and hopping out of them and started pulling up my shirt while saying, "Talk later, kiss me, now..." When my arms were free I ran and jumped into his arms. He caught me and pulled me up his his muscular chest while I entwined myself into his strong from as much as possible. His lips found mine and I sighed with happiness. We played with our tongues and shared being the kisser and kissed. I bit his bottom lip and pulled it in my mouth before he did then same while walking us forward until we landed on my bed. It squeaked and groaned on protest from our weight but I was to caught up in Jake to care. This is what I had been waiting for all day...

In no time Jake had been divested of his clothes and I took a minute or two or five to admire every last ripped inch of his body. His rich skin was the color of the coffee I made in the morning... The perfect mix of cream and sugar and bitter black. I dragged my nails around and felt the goosebumps erupt under my fingertips. I kissed and sucked on his neck and when I reached down and cupped his hardness he moaned and pushed me down and took control.

He nibbled on my earlobe and asked, "What do you want, Bella?"

"I want you, now." I was trying to push my hips up and wrap my legs around him, but he had me pinned. He kissed my lips and caught my hands in his and pushed them back. He ran his hands along my arms and down my sides. He cupped my breasts and laved attention upon them both. I was already more then ready for him so he was just making it worse. I brought my hands back to him and clawed his back and shoulders. He took my hands in his again and this time held them in place, pressed against the mattress at my sides. He stopped suckling at me long enough to say,

"It's my turn." with the sexiest smirk I'd ever seen him where. "Close you eyes, and let me do the work."

"I want you to _do _me!" but I complied anyways. I let my body relax and I shut my eyes. Suddenly his mouth was on my neck, trailing down my collarbone and over and around my breasts. I was trying to hold still, but I couldn't help but arch my back and buck my hips so that they would grind against his every now and then. I could feel his hardness digging into my thigh and I wondered how he was controlling himself for so long. He scooted down the bed and let my hands go. I was about to open my eyes and see what he was doing when I suddenly felt his finger at my entrance. My toes curled and I moved my hips around trying to feel more. "Please..." I whimpered. I felt his tongue flick over my sensitive flesh and cried out. Not seeing what was coming next really seemed to enhance everything tenfold. He used his mouth and one finger until I felt mini spasms clenching my muscles together and started begging Jake to get on with it. "Please, take me. Please, now..." He didn't listen, just added a finger and curled them inside me. He sucked the small bundle of nerves and I came screaming his name and a few curse words. "Jake, damn you, you bastard! Finish it!"

He was suddenly on top of me and inside me. My eyes flew open and I cried out in happiness. He was filling me up so full and all I could say was, "Yes, yes, yes, yesyesyesyes...." I locked my legs around him as he slammed his hips into mine repeatedly. He caught my hands and pinned them over my head. He held me down with his weight as he pushed himself up to so he could get in at a new angle. I was moaning ceaselessly, my cries only punctuated with either his name or a 'Yes'. I shuddered in less then a minute and felt the tide hit the shore once more.

Jake must have sensed my release because he slowed his thrusts laid back down on me, kissing every bit of me he came in contact with. I pushed against his restraining hold and asked, "Is it my turn yet?" He grunted in response and pounded into me a few more times before he sat up on his knees, bringing me up with him. I braced my legs as best I could and I rocketed my hips frantically. It was like I was trying to get there as fast as I possibly could, and that wasn't even enough. Jake was gripping me bottom and using his arms to help me rock into him with more force. I had one hand fisted in his hair and the other was gripping his broad, sexy, man shoulders. When I felt the tension the was building snap, I clawed and ripped through his skin. Both of us were yelling and panting but it was still not over.

Jake pushed me back down and raised my feet and placed them on his shoulders. He never left me, and when he leaned his weight forward and to thrust himself deeper, he pushed my legs forward and rammed right into my Happy Button. I screamed out and raised my hips so he could get even further and almost cried for joy. I came again and soon after again. Jake was like a Spartan Warrior, he never surrendered. We weren't making love anymore. This was raw, animalstic like fucking. I had no idea where he was finding the energy to keep this up but I was in no way complaining. I felt so sore but I still wasn't ready to stop. Jake slowed and I parted my legs, giving him room to lay on top of me.

We were both sweaty and having a hard time catching our breaths. When we finally did, I heaved as hard as I could and barely even raised him at all but he got the idea. He pulled out and flopped on his back. I stretched out for a second before rolling over and crawling up on his chest. I teased him by sitting directly on top of him, but not where he could get inside. I moved my hips a little and he closed his eyes like he was trying to block it out. "What is it? Are you done?" I said in mock sadness, for I knew exactly how not done he was. He laughed and pulled me down to him and kissed me deeply before taking me by the hips and slamming me back down right onto his throbbing shaft. I wailed and buck and rode him until we both came screaming the others name. I fell down on top of him and he closed me up in his arms. I could feel his heart about to beat out of his chest and could tell mine was fluttering just as fast. I almost let myself drift off, but Jake broke my trance and said,

"We need to get cleaned up before Charlie gets home." I groaned like a little kid and said,

"I don't want to..." But he just laughed and before I knew it, we were sliding off the bed and I was being carried off to the bathroom. When we got there he sat me down and turned to leave but I took his hand and said, "Will you take a shower with me? I'll wash your back for you..." He looked very pleased at the thought and started the water for us while I twisted my hair into a little knot at the top of my head.

We climbed in and I got wet first. I grabbed my loofah and soap and switched with Jake. We moved around well enough even though it was a small bath. As I lathered up, I became mesmerized by the way the water ran down his chest in little rivulets and the flex of his arms and chest. He caught me staring and laughed. He took my loofah and said, "I'll get that for you."

He started with my arms and rubbed in small circles all over until he thought it was clean enough and then did the same to the other. Then he moved to my breasts and took his time there, before continuing to work his way down. When he got to my hips he stopped and used his hands to wipe away some suds to look more closely. I had forgotten about all the marks and almost regretted us taking a shower together. He looked in my eyes and I saw the concern written on his face without him even saying a word. He knelt in front of me and soaped my thighs and gasped when he traced the bruises around to the back and saw the worst of them. He turned me around and shouted, "Bella!" I tired to face him but he held me in place and continued to wash every square inch of my body. When he was done and he let me face him again I embraced him and said,

"Jake, you didn't hurt me. I wanted you to do everything you did, and I wouldn't change a thing. Look at your shoulders and your back. It looks like I used you for a nail sharpener." He gave me a weak smile and let my waist go, so I took my loofah and re-lathered it and started washing him the same way he washed me. When we were done and dried and dressed again I tried again, "Please don't make a big deal out of this." He didn't say anything and looked down at his hands like he had never seen them before. "Say something, Jake. Please."

"I'm just so sorry. I promised I would never hurt you, and now..." He looked pained and it almost broke my heart. I did not want this...

"Don't beat yourself up about this, okay? It's not like anyone will see it and know it's there..." He interrupted with,

"I will see it, and I know it's there. Thats all that matters. Whats worse, is that I didn't even realize I was hurting you. What if I really hurt you next time? I couldn't deal with that. Maybe we shouldn't..." I interrupted him this time and said,

"Don't even think of finishing that, because it's not gonna happen. Now, listen to me. This is not an issue and it is officially dropped. I am fine, you are fine, and I think we should go crash on the couch for awhile, how bout you?" He shook his head and kissed me softly.

"What am I going to do with you?" I laughed and said,

"Actually, I have a few ideas..." We both laughed and walked downstairs. We laid on the couch and he held me close like he always does, and I felt perfect and happy, like I always do when I am with him. As I was drifting off to sleep Jake said,

"I'm still sorry..." I sighed heavily and mumbled for him to shut up and sleep before I did just that.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

A/N: So I am about to really move this along, it's just that every time I start to, they just end up doing each other like rabbits. Can you blame them though? Well, just leave me some reviews and I will try to have 15 up soon.


	15. Chapter 15: Peachy Freaking Keen

Chapter 15: Peachy Freaking Keen

I woke up not too much later, and I felt cold. I opened my eyes and Jake wasn't laying down with me anymore. I sat up and saw him sitting on the love seat with his hands over his face. I stood and walked over to him and touched the top of his head. He looked up and smiled and pulled me down to sit in his lap. When I got a good look at him, I saw something was wrong. He was covered in sweat and his face looked ashen. His hands weren't steady as he held mine in his. I looked in his eyes and asked, "What is it? What's wrong?"

I put the back of my hand to his forehead and his skin was scorching hot. As I cupped his cheek I said "Jake, I think you are coming down with something. Do you feel sick?" I had been afraid of this since that day at The Rock. I knew he had felt feverish, and I should have said something then. Why did I wait for him to get sick to be worried? He nuzzled into my palm and replied,

"I never get sick. I'm peachy freaking keen." he said with a little attempt to make me laugh. I ignored him and started cataloging everything about him and trying to think of anything that might help. He looked sexy even when he didn't feel good. The way he leaned his too hot cheek into my hand and look the he was giving me from his half open eyes made me melt into a slippery wet lust puddle. It almost reminded me of the way he looked... I gave myself a mental slap; Now was not the time to think such things. I cleared my throat and started talking to distract my raging hormones.

"Well, how do you feel? Are you hungry? I can make you some homemade potato soup, it always makes me feel better. What about a nice hot cup of tea? I'll get you a blanket and you can curl up and watch T.V. I'll call Billy and tell him that you don't feel well and that I'm keeping you until I know you are better. And Charlie can stuff it." He groaned in protest but I stopped him before he could say a word. "Nope, no arguing. Now, get comfy, and just let me know if you need anything."

"Bella, I don't need you to take care of me, I'm fine. Stop 'mother henning' me to death." he said in a defiant tone, but since he felt bad it sounded just like he was a pitiful child. I laughed and shook my head,

"Nope, I get to do this. Sit tight and shut up. Don't make me make you!" I added while pointing a finger. He relented with a grin and settled back. I handed him the remote and a blanket and covered him up, making sure he was covered from neck to toe, which was hard because of how long his form was. I tucked it in at the edges and kissed his forehead and could swear I felt my lips sizzle, and whispered, "Sung as a bug in a rug." He laughed and settled in while I headed to the kitchen.

I quickly set about making a simple potato soup that I had always made my Mom and I when we were sick. Most of the time we made it together. She would help me peal, but I would have to chop them up because she might accidentally cut herself. It was times like these when I missed my Mom. She really was more of a best friend or a close sister then anything else, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I let my thoughts drift to nights in Phoenix with her and Phil while I washed and pealed the potato's. By the time I had the chopping board laid out and was slicking it into smaller chunks I had tears in my eyes. I sometimes couldn't help the homesick feeling I got when ever I thought of my Mom. I never got to see her and I barely ever talked to her... And here Jake was, missing his Mom more then anything, and there's not a thing he can do about it. Here I am just wasting time, like always... I made a mental note to call her the next chance I got. The thought of talking to her soon lightened my mood a little and I remembered to call Billy to tell him about Jake.

He sounded concerned, and when I told him I wanted him to stay he protested but I claimed it would be bad for him to be moved and then since I was already exposed to him it didn't matter, and that he shouldn't be exposed to it either. He still said he at least needed to come see how he was I told him he was asleep and would call him back later. He finally gave in and said that if it was okay with Charlie it was okay with him. I hung up and tried to think of the best way to approach this to Charlie... All I could come up with was to wing it.

I tried to hum a little to help keep myself occupied. I started just kind of humming nothing at all. Then I started with some old lullaby's me and my Mom used to sing together. Soon I was swaying back and forth while string in the salt and butter into the boiling pot of potato's singing out loud, and a little off key. When I heard someone say my name from behind I jumped and spun around in the air at the same time and squealed like I had just been caught red handed getting into the cookie jar. I clutched my free hand to my heaving breast and said, "Charlie! I mean, Dad. You scared me!" He gave me a weird look and I turned back to the stove to hide my burning cheeks. I talked really fast and tried to hide the fact I was still embarrassed but thankfully he didn't mention it. "Well, I am making some soup for dinner. Potato Soup. Jake doesn't feel good, and I think he got sick for being out in the rain last weekend. He has a fever and I think he should stay here until he is better. I can take care of him easier then Billy can and he said it is okay with him if he stays, anyhow." Okay, so that was a bit of a stretch...

Charlie squinted his eyes and looked at me like he was looking into a bright light. "You want Jacob, your boyfriend, to stay the night? Here?" I nodded my head slowly and gave him my "Don't-You-Trust-Me?" speech.

"Dad, I am almost an adult and I have never given you any reason to not trust me. You need to see that your 'little girl' has grown in a 'young woman.' All you can do is accept it. Now, my boyfriend is sick, so I am going to take care of him until he is better." I got out the bowls and dished us out some and gave him some crackers to go with it. He nodded in thanks and studied me carefully over his spoon. Finally he said,

"Alright. But..." he paused to chose his words carefully... "You will always be a little girl to me Bella. Even when I can see that you aren't, you will always be my sweet little girl. Just make sure nothing ever happens to change that. Even if you get married and have a couple of kids, just don't forget that you will always be my baby, and that I love you." He didn't say anything else, and I had to swallow the lump that had risen in my throat before I could manage to eat anything, so I busied myself with taking Jake some to keep from crying. Charlie never says much, but when he does... Wow. I hugged his shoulders as I walked by and said,

"I love you, Daddy."

In the living room, Jake had sprawled out across the love seat with his head propped up on one arm while his legs form the knee down hung off the other end. His head was thrown back and his mouth was open. One arm was hanging off at a weird angle and the blanket was now in the floor. I laughed and put the soup down so I could wake him up and get him to the couch where he could be more comfortable. He was hard to rouse and when he did he was grumpy and grumbled a lot. He shoveled in a few spoon fulls of hot soup in his mouth and then flopped over, already half asleep. When I leaned over him to cover him up he pulled my down on him and squeezed me to his chest. He had me in an iron hold and I couldn't have gotten out of it even if I wanted to, which I didn't.

I saw Charlie's shadow pass by and stand watch over us for a few minutes. I pretended to be asleep and it must have worked because he left us alone and went upstairs. After a few minutes his bedroom door closed and soon no more foot steps could be heard at all. I snuggled into Jake and sighed. He was so warm I didn't even need a blanket. He was like sleeping with a space heater. I was soon drifting off into confusing dreams of singing to a sleeping Charlie while cooking. Then I needed my Mom, and I looked everywhere but couldn't find her and there was something I really needed to tell her. Suddenly I felt something heavy cover my mouth and I was finding it very hard to breathe. I started to wake up a little and I could still hear Jake's beating heart and feel the heat radiating off of him. I would have drifted back off at the thought of getting to sleep the night in his warm embrace if I hadn't felt a hand force my pants down with one strong tug. I woke up even more but I couldn't talk or even raise my head because Jake's hand was covering my mouth. I started to panic at the feeling of being trapped, but his fingers made it to my core and I closed my eyes again so I could enjoy it further.

When his movements became more insistent I was glad he was covering my mouth because I was whimpering a little already. Thankfully he didn't tease me for too long this time. He quickly clambered on top of me and almost crushed the wind out of me. He was already out and ready and was soon sheathed inside me with one forceful thrust. I moaned into his hand and gripped the side of the couch to try and hold still as he pulverized my body. He kept one hand over my mouth while his other one and his lips stimulated every part of me they touched while he forced himself into me again and again like a dying man in need. I came with curled toes and clenched fists trying to keep quite. He kept at me until I came again and I beat my fists on his back trying to stop him before he made me scream from it all.

Jake sat up pulled out and jerked me up with him. We stood and he swept my legs from under me and went to through the house to the kitchen and then out the back door, barely making a sound at all. As soon as we were out side he ran faster then he should have been able to, especially seeing as he was holding another person in his arms. He ran us deeper in the woods then we had been the time we did it against the tree and brought us to a small bank of grass next to a small creek. He laid me in the grass and without further ado he put his head between my legs and lapped at me in the way that drove me crazy. It was so soothing and arousing at the same time, and the cold night air was leaving goosebumps all over my body. I shuddered as I felt a few tremors pass through me and this time I let everything out. I moaned and gasped and even purred as he kept at me, never letting me down. I was almost sobbing when I felt myself being lifted and flipped around. I braced myself on my hands and knees, and no sooner then I had gotten my balance then were Jake's hands at my hips and he was making his way inside again. He slammed into my cervix and I cried out. My hands curled into the grass beneath me and I felt the dirt caking under my fingernails, but I didn't give a damn. All I wanted was Jake now, and Harder. I told him so. "Jake, harder. Just take me, I'm yours..."

He gasped before grabbing a hand full of my hair and pulling me back to him. The arch of my back was offering a different spot to slam into and I was on the verge tears when his other hand reached around me and his thumb mashed into my clit. I screamed in wanton abandon and reveled into the mix of the pleasure and a little pain. He was slamming into me so hard he was bouncing me almost all the way off, but every time it seemed like he was going to slip out, he slammed me back down with the hand in my hair and the pain of the tug of my hair was masked by the landed hit deep inside me. I could feel more bruises and knew I was going to be very sore the next day, but I didn't want him to stop. "Oh God Jake, don't stop, don't... Yes Jake, yes. Please, Oh, Jake! I love you Jacob!" He grunted every time I used his name and thrust even harder. I felt myself almost literally coming apart when his hand clutched my sex even tighter and I came again so fiercely that I blacked out for a minute and all I could see where the stars erupting in the back of my eyelids as I clutched down and milked every last drop from Jacob. He fell a little to the side of me but still was holding me close.

I felt myself slipping to sleep as he lifted me off the ground and gently carried me as he made his way carefully made his way back inside. I was out before he even reached the door.

When I woke up the next day Jake wasn't there. No goodbye, no note, no fuck you, not even a trace he had been there. My heart clutched with worry and I ran to the phone and called Billy. He answered and assured me he was there and that he was okay, but said for me to give him some time to feel better before I 'wore him out anymore.' I hung up and got ready for school in a bad mood. I slammed doors and threw things in the floor that were in my way. When I slammed the front door to leave for school the sky rumbled and flashed menacingly. Just perfect... Today was going to be peachy freaking keen.

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A/n: See? Every time I try to move them along, they can't keep their hands to themselves, the kinky little buggers. Well, at least there was a little progress. Oh and the reason I picked this as the title was because if you know the Veggie Tales theme song (Yes, I know I am a dork, but I know it by heart.) One part he is like, "Peachy Keen... Veggie Tales!" and when my sister was little she asked what that meant, and I told her but when I used it in a sentence, for some reason I used it in the negative and said, "I'm just peachy freaking keen, thank you very much" and every since then it has been our inside joke, and it just came out twice in one chapter all on it's own and when I skimmed over it and I was like, "What the hay" and went with it. Lol. I'm sorry, it's like 4 a.m and I'm going to just shut up and post this already. Please R&R. I love waking up to a mailbox full of what you guys have to say about my butchering of SMs work. Anywho, thanks again, and remember I will always reply! OH, and before I forget, there is a link on my profile that is a picture of what the ring Jacob gave Bella looks like. I keep forgetting to say that. Well, now you know and I am really done this time.


	16. Chapter 16: Waiting

Chapter 16: Waiting

At school people must have been able to tell I wasn't in a good mood because no one bothered me. I gave Jessica and Lauren the dirtiest look I could when I caught them staring and didn't look away until they got so uncomfortable they looked away first and didn't turn around in their seats for the rest of class.

I didn't feel hungry so I went to the library instead. I just didn't want to sit and listen to a bunch of trivial drama that didn't pertain to me when all I really wanted to do was punch someone. I wasn't sure why I was so mad, or even who all my anger was directed towards. But what I did know was that it was all encompassing and I could hardly think straight. I picked out a book form the fiction section at random and tried to distract myself with it but it was bugging me to sit in one place.

I ended up wandering around the halls until time for my last class. When that was finally over and I was walking out to my car I tripped on the edge of the sidewalk and fell. I busted my knuckles of my left hand on the concrete and skinned my right. My bag flew into the grass and spilled everywhere. When I stood I felt a sharp twinge in the ankle that got caught. I hobbled over to my stuff and got on my knees to gather everything up. When I picked up my Chemistry book pain flared through my right wrist and I dropped it instinctively and clutched my hand to my chest. It seemed like I hurt it pretty bad when I fell and that was worrying me the most because I use my right hand for everything and it is so annoying when I can't use it. If I could change one thing about myself it would be my clumsiness.

I sighed and started picking my stuff up with my other hand, trying to not move my fingers as much as possible because they were hurting pretty bad too, when I heard someone's cackling laugh. I looked up to see Lauren laughing her head off at me and Jessica not bothering to hide her smile of amusement. Then I saw Angela walk past them and say something over her shoulder before she came to help me. I glared over at them and seethed as I picked everything up. If both my hands weren't already hurting I swear I would go over there and bust them both on their pretty little mouths...

"Are you okay?" I snapped out of it when Angela looked at the scrapes on my hands then said, "I think you need to get these cleaned up before you go home, come on." She gently pulled me along to the nurses office while she carried my bag for me.

As I sat in the same room that I had once been in with Edward, I let myself drift back to that day while the nurse cleaned and bandaged me up. I remember him trying to tell me to stay away from him and how I just didn't listen. What if I never would have fallen so hard for him? Where would I be now? With Jake? Part of me wished I had never even met him... While the other part wished that was even a little bit true. I felt a tear escape and didn't even bother with it.

"I know it hurts... But take some pain reliever and you will feel better, okay? You can go now." I nodded and walked out without a word. Angela offered to drive me home but I refused and sped home. I could feel a panic attack coming and it was all I could do to keep it at bay. There was only one thing that could help me now... I was in desperate need of Jake.

I slammed into park and ran in the house and straight to the phone. I tried to slow down my breathing between the rings. After 10 rings I got worried. I slammed the phone down and the force of it jarred my wrist and it hurt so bad I wanted to scream... So I did.

I screamed and hit my head on the door frame, trying to understand how everything got so messed up so fast. Was it really just last night that I was contently laying in Jake's arms without much of a care in the world? If only Jake was here with me now then I would feel better. I tired Jake's number one more time and still got no answer. I half dragged myself up the stairs and fell on my my bed. I stared at the ceiling and tried to clam myself down.

I thought of Jake, and the time we went to the fair. I was scared to ride some of the rides but he would always take my hand and say, "Come on, I'll hold your hand." And for some reason it would clam my nerves and I would get on and have fun... Jake never let my hand go...

I remembered him taking me up to The Rock and how beautiful and amazing his drawing of me was. I rolled over and looked at it hanging on my wall as the tears silently rolled out of my eyes and onto my pillow. I grabbed my cell off the nightstand and said a quick prayer before dialing. No answer. I hugged the phone to my chest and cried until I fell asleep.

When I heard Charlie come in I hurried downstairs to ask him to call for me and see if everything was okay. It turns out that Billy had already called him when he was at work and left a message saying they were at their local doctors house and that Jake would call me when he was up to it. I stormed out of the house and into the back yard, ignoring Charlie's questions about my hand that was wrapped in a bandage.

I felt abandoned again. I knew he just wasn't feeling well and I would probably hear from him soon, but it was killing me not knowing he was okay. I didn't even get to say goodbye... I walked around the yard and eventually made my way into the trees. I found the tree that I had come to know as Our Tree and I sat at it's base. After some time, I wandered around trying to find the spot we were at last night, but I couldn't. I walked kind of deep but turned back before I could lose my way. My hand was throbbing and my ankle was getting sore. I hurried back inside and made some sandwiches for me and Charlie before I headed back to my room.

I opened my window for the first time in a few nights and looked out at the night sky wondering where Jake was... I sat in the chair next to the window and curled up with Pride and Prejudice. I wasn't aware of going from awake to asleep until I woke up when my head drooped dawn to far and I jerked upright snapping my eyes wide open. I was also shivering. I got up and pulled on a hoodie and shut the window. I picked up my phone one more time... I still got no answer.

I crawled into bed and buried myself under the covers, but even they felt cold compared to the warmth of Jake's arms. I grabbed my pillow and buried my face in it, searching for even the faintest trace of his scent. I curled up into a ball with my knees tucked into my chest and held my pillow close as I drifted off pretending it was Jake I was holding on to.

School was even worse the next day. Not only did my wrist feel like it was sprained, but my ankle was a little swollen, so it was hard to walk normally. Every time I saw Lauren or Jessica in the halls I would feel my anger flare. If only they would give me a reason, I would love nothing more...

I was distracted from my self absorption at my locker by Mike Newton. He was asking how I was and did I need anything... Blah blah blah... I slammed my locker, (ow...) and pushed passed him (OW!! Really, ow...)with a 'No thanks' and continued to hobble of to class by my self.

I was determined to deal with this on my own. I did not need pain relievers or doctor visits or to be taken care of by anyone... Other then by Jake. Sweet, warm, always there for me, Jake... Until now... He is the one person in the world who I can trust completely. He would never hurt me, even accidentally. He wasn't some unnatural freak of nature like some other people... He is normal and he loves me and makes everything better... I stopped because I was about to start crying in English and I couldn't blame it on what we were reading. (Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.)

I took a few deep calming breaths to calm myself. I was certainly over-reacting. Jake was surely feeling better today and I would hear form him soon... I begun worrying about his health for the millionth time as I mentally counted down the minutes until school would be over.

At lunch I was last in the line because now every step I took was sending sharp pains up my leg and throbbing through my foot. When I was on my way to the table I normally sat at with Angela, I came form around behind Jessica and heard her say my name and something else. I automatically stopped and looked at the back of her head that was bent towards Lauren and tuned in to what she was saying.

"...is just crazy. She seriously needs to be drug tested if you ask me. You know she is messed up on something. Yesterday, she fell over flat ground... and I mean, just look at her..." they laughed and Lauren responded with.

"No, I think she is just psycho. I think she needs some 'Happy Pills' if you get my drift... I mean, how else could she have ran off Edward and his entire family? No wonder Edward moved! She was so obsessed with him I'm surprised she didn't try to kill him and wear his skin like some sort of 'Buffalo Bella' or something!" They shrieked with laughter.

I felt the blood run cold and everyone of my muscles clench. I stepped forward and Jessica caught sight of me out of the corner of her eye. She jumped back and flashed me her gilded smile and said, "Bella, Hey! We were just talking about you. So, how's your hand?" she asked in mock concern. I just let out the first words that entered my mind.

"How dare you... You _bitch_. You think I'm so stupid I didn't just hear what you said?" Her smile faltered. I looked back and forth between them and just let everything out. "You know what, I'm sick of you. Both of you. You sit there thinking you know everything about everyone and you act like you are better than everyone around you... But you should know that you are only fooling yourselves. Everyone can see the sad and pathetic person you really are on the inside. I am so sick of you that the next time I see one of you wearing one of your shit eating grins I swear I will smack it off your face. And if I ever hear you talking about me and my life again, I won't hesitate to deck both of you..." I wanted to tell them the truth of it all. About Edward and everything, but of course, I couldn't. "Neither of you know _anything_..." I turned and walked away and went straight out to my truck. Angela came after me but I didn't stop, I just went as fast as I could manage and sped off before she even reached the parking lot.

I drove towards Jake's house trying to control my shaking and my tears. I stopped at the street after his like I had done before and shuffled along as best as I could. I was crying from the aches and pains as much as I was for myself. I just had to see Jake, that is the only thing that will help. I staggered up the steps and banged the side of my fist into the door as hard as I could, wincing with every blow. I banged again in a second and suddenly the door was thrown open and someone I had never met before stepped out. I realized what I must look like and I tried to tell him what I was doing here but all that came out was, "Jake..."

"Jacob is fine, but he isn't here right now. You should go..." He looked over my shoulder and asked, "How did you get here?"

I shook my head to help clear it. "No, I'm not going, I came to see Jake... I have to see him." Something in the house made a loud boom and he hurriedly shut the door and tried to usher me towards the road.

"I'm sorry that is not possible. He is sick right now and it would be best if you just let him be. He will call you when he is ready to talk to you again. He just doesn't want to right now..." he looked a little sad in his eyes but the rest of his face was as impassive as stone and he sounded as if that was final.

"What? That isn't true! I don't believe you... I want to talk to Jake, now, and I'm not going to leave until I do. I don't even know who you are, but what I do know is that you are full of shit because Jake_ loves_ me!" I heard what sounded like slamming doors and I tried to push my way back to the house but all I met was a hot wall of muscle. As he blocked me with his huge chest I couldn't help but feel a little relaxed because of the similarity between him and Jake. He was strong and I could feel the heat coming form him even at a foot away. I brought my hands to my temples and rubbed them. I couldn't leave without seeing him, but there was no way I could get past someone of his size... Who ever he was...

"Be that as it may, you still can not see him right now. I am going to have to ask you to leave." He softened a little and said, "And I'm Sam, by the way. I'm sorry about all this, but this isn't a good time. You need to go." His big hands turned me around and he marched me back down the driveway and to the road. I kept walking and didn't bother trying to hide my sobs.

What if it was true? What if he didn't want to talk to me anymore? I must have done something... Maybe I called out Edward's name in my sleep, and thats why he left without saying goodbye... But why wouldn't he have at least called me by now? I got in my truck and leaned against the widow and cried until it was all out. All I could do was wait for his call...

And wait I did. I head nothing for the rest of the day. Charlie did his best to occupy me with conversation, but I felt lethargic. I knew he was worried about me but I just told him I was worried about Jake. He seemed to accept that and left me alone.

I laid on the couch with my phone in my hand or on my bed with my phone on my pillow. I even carried it with me to the bathroom. Every time I looked at it I couldn't help but give it an evil look and think "Ring, dammit!"

Sometime around Eight I took a shower. When I got in my room it was freezing. I quickly dressed and put on extra clothes. I put my hair in a pony tail and wrapped up in an old blanket. When I still wasn't warm enough I got out the space heater I sometimes used in the winter when it got to cold. I hadn't had to use it in a long time, but I was cold... I put it on high and soon I could feel the warm air flowing through the room. I still shivered.

I curled up in my bed and held my phone to my chest. I didn't even have the energy to try again, even though I knew it wouldn't get me anywhere. The last thought I remembered having was that at least it was the weekend tomorrow...

I felt someone shake me gently and say my name. Warm hands touched my face and I sighed and leaned into them. "Jake..." I breathed. He told me to wake up, but I didn't want to because if I did then this would end... His lips touched mine and I moaned and wrapped my arms around a very solid hot body. I opened my eyes and he didn't disappear. I was so happy to see him I didn't even care that it was sometime in the wee hours of the morning and I didn't bother to ask him where he had been or how he got in here or even yell at him like I had planned on doing... I just kissed him back. He pulled me to his chest and held me tight. I grasped onto him and buried my face in his neck, basking in the warmth and the delicious scent of him. It was then I noticed he wasn't wearing a shirt... That was odd. And what was he doing here this late? I pulled away a little so I could look in his eyes and I asked him all my questions with one look and a questioning "Jake?"

He sighed and said, "I know, I have some explaining to do..."


	17. Chapter 17: Home

Chapter 17: Home

"Bella, I am so sorry. I did want to call you... And when you came by today it almost killed me hearing you and not being able to tell you everything was okay..."

"You were there? Why did that guy lie to me?!"

"It was just Sam... He thinks he has to protect you..." He trailed off and looked really uncomfortable. I noticed his normal easy going manner was replaced with a high strung, tense Jake. He looked... If it was possible... Even bigger. It must just be because he is so stressed, but I could almost swear he he had grown even more and he reached the muscle tone of a body builder. My eyes raked over his chest and I could feel the drool pooling in my mouth. I gave myself a mental shake as focused on his words.

"Protect me... from what?"

He took a deep breath and said in all seriousness, "Me." I was still waiting for the punch line... What was the joke?

"Okay, this isn't funny. What are you saying? You need to explain this because I'm having a hard time here..."

"God, I am so sorry Bella... Come here..." With that he lifted and cradled me in his arms. I wanted to talk more about what he was talking about, but this was even more tempting...

Jake hugged me to him again and inhaled deeply. I let myself melt into him. The explanations could wait. This is what I had been needing for two long days. He would be lucky if I even let him leave here tonight. I squeezed him as tight as I could and he held me

tighter and made it slightly hard to breathe but it did not matter. I made a silent vow that I would never complain about anything ever again as long as I had Jake's arms to crawl into. As long as I was with him, I was home. He smells so good and feels so warm and hard... Oh yes, very hard.

I turned my head and placed a gentle kiss on his neck. His skin felt like fire still and I became worried that he still wasn't any better. Kissing could wait, I needed to know what was going on and if he was okay. I looked up and held his face in my hands and whispered,

"What's wrong? Are you still sick?" He defiantly still had a fever and as happy as I was to see him I was going to be seriously pissed if he risked making himself more sick by coming to see me.

"No, I'm not sick."

"Then what's wrong?" I was confused... That is supposed to be why he hadn't been able to see or talk to me.

"I... Well, so many things are wrong. And no matter how badly I want to tell you... I can't."

"What do you mean you can't? Of course you can, you know you can trust me!" I felt hurt by his words, why won't he tell me?

"I do trust you, Bella, I love you!" he whispered as vehemently as he could. "It's just I've made a... a pact... not to tell anyone."

"A pact with who? What is going on, I thought we had no secrets?" I couldn't quite meet his eyes at that but I knew it was at least true on his part... Or so I had thought...

"Believe me, I don't want to keep anything from you, okay? But I can't say it, okay! I _can't!"_ He let go if me and covered his face with his hands and growled in frustration. I could tell he was upset but...

"I just don't understand. You can tell me if you wanted to, it's just you don't want to... Did I do something wrong? Why didn't you call me? I've been so worried and I really needed to talk to you..." He looked at me and I could see he was seriously stressed. All his muscles seemed to be clenched and I could see the veins popping out from under his skin. He stood and started pacing around my room and I noticed he wasn't wearing any shoes either. I glanced around but didn't see them anywhere... Surly he didn't come over here barefoot...

"Jake, how did you get here?" He didn't say anything, he was still pacing around. I got up stood in front of him and made him stop. He was quivering slightly so I stood on my tip toes and hugged him as best as I could. I could feel his heart beating in rapid succession and his breathing was still rough. I made 'Shush' noises until I could feel his heart slow and he wrapped his arms around me and finally seemed like he was in control. "Are you okay?" he merely nodded and held me closer.

"You helped... God I missed you..." He reached down and gripped my thighs and hoisted me up his chest until my lips were level with his. I helped and crawled up him like he was the brick wall he was so similarly built like and wrapped my arms and legs around him in a death grip. I kissed him with all the pent up passion that had built up inside of me and I felt more then one part of him respond. He kissed me back and rubbed my backside through my pants. A growl escaped his throat and I felt his hips jerk into mine. He took a step to my bed and slowly and quietly lowered both of us down while he was kissing me. Soon I was looking up at Jake as he settled on top of me and continued to kiss my face and neck. I gasped and held onto his soft hair and pushed my hips up into his trying to tell him without words what I wanted from him. He stopped kissing me and sat up on the edge of the bed. I sat up and studied his well formed back, with all it's muscle and chiseled definition. I marveled yet again over his size and bulk. He looked like he lifted weights for a living, but I never seen him go on so much as a jog. I reached out and caressed his shoulder but he flinched and pulled away. I was immediately concerned.

"Jake, what is it? Why are you doing this? Come here..." I reached for him but before I even made contact with his skin he was off the bed and away from me.

"I can't, Bella. We can't do that." I gave him a 'What-the-hell-are-you-talking-about' look and he repeated yet again, "I just can't! He won't let me!" He was getting loud and when I shushed him he growled menacingly before he trued away from me. He was shaking again and I was too afraid to say anything else that might push him over the edge. After he took a few deep breaths he elaborated without facing me. "I can't have sex with you Bella. I could hurt you, and I would never want to do that to you. I'm sorry, but I can't, and I can't tell you why either. That is why they are keeping us apart, they are afraid I can't control myself..." I was so confused but I was more scared then anything else.

"What are you saying? You aren't making any sense. You won't hurt me, you haven't before!" He spun and faced me and said,

"Yes, I have. Don't you remember the marks I left on you already? And that was before..." He trailed off but it looked like what he wanted to say was on the tip of his tongue, but he just couldn't get the words out. He let out a frustrated groan and gripped his hair tightly in his hands. After a minute he sighed and said, "Listen, I can't say it, but you can figure it out. I've told you before about this. A long time ago. The very first time we talked on the beach. Remember? I was telling you those 'scary stories?'" I nodded and he prompted me with, "What did I say?"

I started repeating the stuff he told me about the 'Cold Ones' (who I knew to mean Edward and his family) and about how his ancestors met them in the woods and formed a truce with them... I trailed off after that and gave him a weird look.

"Okay, do you remember what I said about my ancestors? Some stories claimed they survived the Flood by tying their boats to the tallest trees and other said..." He looked at me desperately so I racked my brain trying to remember... That wasn't what I was really interested in hearing at the time, I was mainly trying to figure Edward out...

"You said something about being decedents or like, brothers with wolves, and then it was against your laws to kill them." I shrugged my shoulders to signify that that was all. He nodded and said,

"That's it, you're right." I scrunched my eyebrows together and still gave him my confused look. He shook his head this time and walked over to me and hugged me. "How about we worry about this tomorrow? Come on, lay down. I'll stay till you fall asleep." He scooped me up and deposited me on my bed and had the covers pulled over me before I could protest. He curled up behind me and pulled me into his arms. He was so warm and I really was tired. Now that he was here and holding me so close and I was so comfy it was too hard to resist. He started petting my hair and I knew I was done for. I settled in with a sigh and said,

"I still don't understand... You are lucky you are so comfortable or I wouldn't give in so easy..." I heard him chuckle as I drifted off easier that I had ever done in my entire life. As long as I had Jake, everything would be fine.

I woke up to bright light shining through my window. I jerked awake and looked around for Jake. He wasn't there. I buried my face in my hands and tried to remember last night... But it wasn't making any sense and the more I thought about it the more it seemed to slip through my fingers like a dream you were trying to recall. Part of me wondered if I maybe had progressed to full on hallucinations.

I threw myself back on my pillows and heard paper crunch. I sat up and pulled the sticky note that was stuck to it off and read it. It was in Jake's writing.

"_Bella, I don't know when I will see you again, but I promise to try and make it soon. No matter what, remember that I will always love you. You are my everything. J."_

I re-read it over and over again. He really was here. I rolled over and buried my face in my pillow and inhaled. I could still smell his masculine scent. But if he was here then everything he said last night wasn't a dream... I re-played everything in my head and felt confusion settle over me like a fog in my brain. It felt like the answers were there, I just had to feel my way around until I found them. I pondered in bed for awhile longer until I heard Charlie dragging himself down the hall. I thanked Goodness he was a deep sleeper or he probably would have busted in on us last night.

I hurried down stairs and made some coffee and toast. Charlie came down dressed for fishing a little later so I tried to make some conversation.

"Fishing today?"

"Yep."

"Oh. Well, have fun. I'll make you something to take. What would you like?"

"Sandwiches will be fine. I won't be gone long. You gonna he okay here?"

"Yeah, I was thinking I might go out for a drive; Just to get out of the house. Maybe I'll bump into someone and figure our something to do."

He looked up and smiled at me. "Sounds good." I made him some food for his trip while he walked around cataloging things that needed to be fixed and mumbling the things he needed to buy out loud. He wasn't much use in the kitchen, but he more then handy to have around the house. He said he was going to stop at the hardware store on his way back but promised to be home in time for dinner. He kissed the top of my head and left.

I suddenly had a vision of myself standing in the same spot, but instead of my Dad, it was Jake who just kissed me good bye. His mothers ring was on my left hand where it belonged and so was a simple gold band holding it forever in place. He was off to work and I was staying home to take care of our kids. _Kids_... I wanted to give him a son that he could teach about cars and take on fishing and hunting trips. The boy would look like him in all his features but he would have his mothers eyes, my eyes... And the daughter that we might someday make together would have a beautiful mix of his rich skin and my pale white, making her look perpetually tanned, but she would have her fathers and grandmothers eyes, the ones that knew everything about you when they looked into yours. He would take her throw her on his shoulders and spin her around and tickle her into fits of laughter. When he came home in the afternoon he would sweep me into his arms and kiss me deeply, as if the time we spent apart was almost too long. We would confess our love for the other for what would be the millionth time but it still wasn't enough repeating... Before our kids tackled us, wanting our attention. The love I knew he would hold in his eyes when he looked at his family made me choke up and broke my mental image.

I wiped my eyes on my sleeve as I realized that I would be perfectly content to spend every day of my life with Jake. I would be fine with giving him all the babies he wanted and would be more then happy to grow old with him. But being old made me think of having eternal youth, and living forever with Edward. I still felt the stirring of my heart whenever I thought about him and I felt depressed. I also wouldn't mind spending an eternity or two as a beautifully frozen statue with him by my side...

But it wasn't like that was an option or anything... I sighed and went upstairs to get ready to go out, silently praying that one day I might actually be over Edward for good.


	18. Chapter 18: Social Interactions

Chapter 18:Social Interaction

I put on my favorite jeans and a new shirt I had gotten awhile back but never wore. It was black and purple and had Jimmy Hendrix on the front and said 'Purple Haze' underneath. I laughed at what Charlie would have to say about it when he saw it as I pulled on my Converse. I shut my bedroom door like always and locked up when I left.

I grabbed a jacket just in case and went outside and got in my truck. I wasn't really sure where I intended to go, but I decided to just go with my instincts and see where that took me. I drove to town and passed everything by without seeing anything interesting. I kept going and headed to the beach and walked to the shore. It was still cloudy, but it was a reasonable good day weather wise.

I walked along and passed several spots where Jake and I used to hang out but there was no evidence anyone had been up here anytime soon. I tried to keep my thoughts simple and at ease. I took many deep breaths and enjoyed the silence and solitude. I walked for awhile before I turned and headed back the way I came, never meeting a soul.

I made it back to my truck and sat in the cab for a minute thinking. All the places Jake took me flipped through my mind. It was highly unlikely I would just bump into him somewhere around town, but it was better then sitting at home doing nothing. I revved my ancient truck and drove to the first place I had thought of; The arcade where Jacob and his friends sometimes hang out.

I made it there with no problems and parked in an empty parking lot. That was odd, because every Saturday this place was usually packed. When I got inside it was considerably more quite than I had ever remembered it being. I looked around and the normal Saturday crowd wasn't there. I heard the noise of a game coming from somewhere in the back so I walked in that direction. I came up behind Seth Clearwater banging away on a Pin Ball machine. I watched him for a few minutes and surveyed him without him knowing.

He was a few years younger then Jacob but they were still really good friends. It was obvious in the little time I had spent around him that he really looked up to Jake. He was rather tall and had an average build. I cleared my throat and walked over to him.

"Hey." He turned and faced me and smiled.

"Oh hey, what's up?"

"Not too much. It's slow here today, huh?" I asked casually. A dark look covered his face for a moment before he said,

"Yeah, every since everyone started hanging out with Sam, no one has time to do anything fun anymore." I felt anger boiling up again at the mention of this 'Sam' guy, and apparently I wasn't the only one feeling a little hostel towards him. Who did he think he was? I tried to act like nothing was wrong as I asked,

"Oh, yeah, I know. I haven't heard from Jacob in awhile, have you?"

He shook his head and said, "No. Last I heard he was 'sick'. But that is what they always say." He looked down at his feet and I felt really bad for him. I wanted to try and cheer him up so I said,

"Well, hey, if you aren't busy, maybe we could hang out or something?" He smiled a little and said

"I guess. Wanna play?"

"No, I don't know how...."

"Ah, come on, it is so easy." He motioned me over and tried to explain. "Just make the flipper hit the ball when it comes down, don't let it fall through, and the ball will do the rest for you." He slid a quarter in and showed me how to launch the ball by demonstrating it first. He pulled back the lever and let it snap back into place. The little metal ball bounced around like crazy before it tilted down in my direction. I hit both the buttons repeatedly causing both 'flippers' to move up and down while the ball soared right through them.

"Crap..." I said. Seth said,

"It's okay, you got two left. Now, this time...." He started telling me what to wait for and I actually managed to keep it going for a minute before it went by faster then I could react. I launched the last one and got even better. I laughed when it was over and said,

"Thanks that was fun. I've never really played video games, unless you count Pac Man." He laughed and said,

"We've got that too!" and pulled me over to an old machine that was no doubt, Pac Man. I had never really payed attention when Jake brought me here, I usually just watched Jake play until we left. I got some change for my dollars and started playing. Seth and I took turns seeing who could get the farthest.

I actually had fun, I felt like a little kid again. When ever a little ghost would get to close I would squeal and he would yell "Left" or "Right" trying to help me escape. I laughed and watched as spent all his time chasing them down rather then eating the dots. When our money was all gone we walked out and still cracking up and carrying on about nothing in particular.

"Well, I guess I'm gonna go home, see ya!" he said as he walked over to his bike. The sky looked darker then it should at this time of day and let out a menacing rumble.

"How about I drive you home? Just throw your bike in the back." I said, pointing my keys over my shoulder to my truck. He agreed and said thanks but I stopped him. "It's not a problem, really."

On the way to his house he talked animatedly about the car he was hoping to get when he was old enough to drive and about how he used to always help Jacob fix cars up so he knows a lot about it. I was glad the conversation turned to him so I took it and ran with it.

"Yeah, I guess you don't get to see much of Jacob anymore. Sorry."

"Nah, it's all good." He looked me over and said, "He really likes you." I blushed and asked,

"How can you tell? Did he say that?"

"No, but I can just tell. It's a guy thing. He did say he loves you, but I knew before he finally admitted it. You can tell by the way he talks about you and the way he acts around you."

"Oh. Thanks." I wanted to ask him something but I wasn't sure how to bring it up. "Jacob was telling me some of your old legends the other night. They are so fascinating."

"I know, man, my ancestors were awesome."

"Yeah, they were. He told me the one about Themas and how he dove in the ocean for the pearls for Leilah... That is my favorite one." I looked at the ring Jake have me and sighed. I missed him so much...

"Yeah, I know that one. My favorite is the one about the wolves." He stopped at that. I wanted to know more so I pressed,

"What's that about? I don't know it..."

"Oh, well it's a long story, you probably don't want to hear it. Besides, we aren't technically supposed to talk about them, ya know." He said with a smile.

"Well, Jacob has told me a lot of them already..."

"Yeah, but that's Jacob. Ask him, he can probably tell you better then I can because Billy is the one that tells them. He really gets into it, like he really believes it and everything. It's awesome."

"Oh, okay." I decided to just let it drop... Maybe I needed to have a chat with Billy? Seth directed me to his house and I was about to pull in the driveway before I decided to say, "Hey, if you see Jake, will you tell him I said 'Hi' and to call me? I just want to talk to him..."

"Sure, no problem. Thanks for the ride!" I said bye and waited for him to unload his bike and make it inside before I pulled away. I drove to Jake's house and knocked on the door but no one answered. I sighed as I gave up and got back in my truck.

I decided to stop at the grocery store before I went home. I needed to re-stock the kitchen and get some more things for dinner. I pulled in the parking lot and walked quickly to the door, looking up at the sky. The clouds were still churning but hadn't let lose yet. I grabbed a buggy and said 'Hi' as I walked past the cashier. It wasn't too busy so I made it up and down the isle fairly quickly. I had to stop twice to talk to friends of the family and answer questions as vaguely as I could and made excuses to hurry along. After I was finished with the frozen section I figured I had enough and was headed to the front when I spotted Angela and Ben looking at the magazines. I changed course and said 'Hey' when I was close enough. Angela looked up and smiled and said,

"Hey! How are you?" I told her I was fine and asked what she was up to.

"Well, not a lot right now. Ben and I were going to head to Port Angeles today, but there is supposed to be a big storm coming so we decided to postpone. We will probably catch a movie or go bowling or something tonight. You?"

"I actually don't have any plans..."

"Well, you want to hang out with us? We can do whatever you want, it doesn't matter."

"Why don't we go out tonight? You mentioned bowling, and I seriously haven't been in.... I can't even remember when the last time I went! Wow, that's sad, I need to get out more."

"Yes, you do, and that's a great idea. When do you want to meet up?"

"Well, I have to take these home but I'll call you later on when I'm done."

"Awesome, I'll talk to you then." She stepped forward and hugged me. I somewhat awkwardly hugged her back before heading to the cash registers once again.

I had a pleasant conversation with the cashier, a sweet older lady who dotes on what a good job my Dad does all the time. By the time I made it to the doors the rain was just beginning to come down. It was almost Four o'clock and I hoped Charlie was on his way home so he wouldn't get caught up in all this bad weather.

I quickly loaded up the groceries and ran the buggy back inside before I was finally on my way home. I drove carefully and took my time. I pulled up and noticed Charlie still wasn't back yet, but I wasn't really worried yet. I planned to get everything inside and put up then to start on dinner. He would definitely be home by then.

I had to make three trips before I had everything on the porch and then another three to get them all to the kitchen. After everything was in I thought I should make it a point to go to the store more often so I wouldn't have so much to get all at one time. I was soaking wet so I quickly put up all the cold items and hurried upstairs to change into something dry and warm.

I walked to my door and saw it was wide open. That was weird, I usually always shut my door... I dismissed it and quickly stripped my wet clothes off and left them in a pile next to the door, deciding I might as well get some chores done and wash a load of clothes. I grabbed a clean shirt and pulled it on looked for the pajama pants I was sleeping in last night. I found the shirt and everything else but not those pants. I must have thrown them in my laundry basket... I pulled out my favorite pair (the ones with little rubbery duckies and bubbles on them) and donned them. I went to my bed and looked for the hoodie I has slept in last night. I moved and shook out the blankets and even looked under the pillow but it wasn't there. I went to my dirty clothes basket and looked but it wasn't there either. I went to the closest even though I was sure it wasn't in there and found my Tool hoodie and a plain black one, but not the one I wore last night. I pulled my Tool hoodie over my head and took the rest of my clothes down to the laundry room still confused. Where could my clothes have gone?

Charlie never bothered my stuff, and besides, he left before I did! No one else has a key, and who would steal random garments? I walked through the house and made sure everything was in place and I didn't see anything that was missing or even moved. It all looked the same. I checked the windows and they were all locked.

As I made a load of clothes and finished putting up the groceries I figured I must have miss placed them and tried to ignore the uneasy feeling that was gnawing at my conscious. Something just felt... Not Right. Then again, nothing was really Right lately.

I decided not to mention it just yet. Charlie would just worry and it was surely nothing. It wasn't like there was anything he could do about it. And Jake had other things to worry about, and it wasn't like I could just call him or anything. I thought about what Edward would do if he was around. He would probably go searching the house and woods for an intruder and put me on some kind of 24 hour surveillance. I scoffed out loud at the thought. But he wasn't here, and there wasn't anything I could do about it so I just tried to let it go.

I tried to calm my nerves by playing some Bob Marley and singing along while I fixed up some chicken and rice. Not too long later I heard Charlie pull in so I stepped out on the porch to greet him. He hurried up the steps with two bags from the hardware store in his hand and stopped and looked back out. It was really coming down and it didn't look like it was going to let up any time soon. Charlie said,

"Shew... Sure is pouring."

"Yeah, it is. Did you have a good day?" I questioned. He looked a little surprised that I was being to social and said,

"Yep, can't complain. You?"

"Yeah, it was alright. I got some stuff form the store and talked to Edna while I was there. She kept going on and on about how great of a chief you are." I nudged him with my elbow and said, "I think she has the hots for ya, Dad!" and cracked up laughing.

"Don't be silly, I've known her practically my whole life. Even went to school with her. She's just an old friend."

"Uh huh. Think what you want... Well, she said to tell you she said 'Hello' and that she will send your favorite pie down to the station on Monday."

"Now, that woman sure knows how to make a pie, I'll give her that. I should bring her around here sometime. She's a lot like you in the kitchen, I bet she could show you a few things. She used to feed me after you and your mom..." He skipped a beat, but finished, "Left."

I felt my heart swell with sadness for him. He was looking out at the rain but the emotions were still showing on his face... After all this time... He knew what it was like to lose the person you loved, and I had never even talked with him about it. I quietly asked,

"Does it ever stop hurting? When you think about it, I mean. Does it ever get any easier?" He sighed and put the bags by the door and sat in the swing. I sat beside him and waited for him to answer.

"Yes and no. Time helps, but it will always seem like you are missing a part of you. I wish I could tell you otherwise, but I'm not gonna lie to you. I still miss and love your Mom, but it's not as bad as it used to be. It helps having you around, ya know. You keep my mind of things." I couldn't help but feel a mixture of happiness and pain at that.

"I feel like I make things worse. I know I make you worry... I'm sorry." He put his arm around me and hugged me softly. He was warm, but not as much as Jake. His hold wasn't tight and needy, it was light and comforting. I listened as he said,

"There is nothing to be sorry about. I'm your Dad, and I will always worry about you no matter what. One day, when you grow up, you will have a kid or two and you will see what I mean. You won't be able to stop worrying. I love you, and I mean it when I say I'm glad you are here, as long as you want to be here. You know you don't have to stay. Your Mom and Phil would love to have you back anytime."

"No, I'm staying here. I'm about to graduate anyways, so there's no reason to move back. And besides, I am grown up. I'm 18." He chuckled and said,

"Well, all 18 means is you are now responsible for yourself. I know plenty of people well over the age of 18 and they have still yet to grow up." He pulled away and looked at my face. He smoothed back my hair and continued, "But you are getting there aren't you? You are very wise for your age. I think you know that, but I wanted you to know I see it. Even though I want to hold onto the image of you being 5 or 6 forever, there is no denying the young woman you have become." I blinked rapidly trying not to cry. This was one of those Charlie Moments. I hugged him tightly and said,

"I love you, Daddy." Then I smelled something burning and jumped up and ran in the house yelling, "My chicken!"

As I pulled in from the oven just in time I thought about my day. I had seriously had more interaction with people today then I had in I don't know how long. I told Charlie about maybe meeting up with Angela tonight and he seemed really please. We ate and talked and laughed easily. Towards the end of my meal I felt like something was missing and realized it was Jake. I was used to spending so much time with him and I was surprised I was handling things as well as I am. After we were done eating, Charlie got started fixing some things up while I did the dishes.

When I was done I called Jake and let it ring for a full 2 minutes before slamming it back in the cradle. I almost let myself slip into my usual state of being depressed and moping around, but I remembered to call Angela and decided that sounded like more fun then sitting around here, alone, on a Saturday night. I picked up the phone and dialed.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

A/N: Whew... Sorry I stopped there, but I felt like this chapter kept going on and on. So how are we liking a more Mentally Stable Bella? Did I present Seth right? I hope the conversations seemed real. I'm thinking of getting a Beta, so let me know if you would want to. I know you are missing Jake, but we aren't out of the woods yet. And where are Bella's clothes?!?! Please R&R!!


	19. Chapter 19: Stranded

Chapter 19: Stranded

I met Angela and Ben outside the bowling alley on East Street. I payed for my shoes and we each picked out a different colored bowling ball. Mine was black swirled with white. We sat at an unoccupied lane and Ben started setting up the Monitor for us while Angela and I talked about our day.

She had just found out she was accepted to the same college as Ben so they were planning on getting an apartment together. I watched him as he subtly kept his arm around her or touching the small of her back. He looked at her like she was something precious that he wanted to keep safe. They snuck kisses when they didn't think I was looking and I felt myself craving that kind of normalcy. I wished for Jake's arm around my waist and for his hot lips on mine. I kept getting gutter balls and by the time the first game was over I was having to force my smiles and conversation. The whole point in tonight was to get my mind off of things with Jake and Edward but all it was doing was making me miss them even more.

Things got worse when I saw Jessica, Lauren, Mike, and a bunch of other kids from school come treading in dripping wet from the storm that was still raging outside. I was trying to quickly come up with a good excuse to bail but I wasn't fast enough. Soon they were swarming around us and I was surrounded. Jessica and Lauren both kept their distance but I feel their angry stares. It was my turn so I took my time getting the right ball and trying to clam my shaking hands. I was about to just throw it down the lane when I heard my name from behind. I turned and Mike was coming up to me trying to give me tips on how to do it. I glanced at Jessica and saw her death glare so I quickly turned away with a quite 'Thanks.' The last thing I needed was her thinking I was interested in him... If only Jake were here, I thought desperately.

I followed Mike's advice and it worked a little and I hit 4 pins. As I waited for the ball to return so I could take my last shot Jessica asked is a mock sweet tone, "So, where is your new boyfriend, Bella?" I'm not really sure how I looked, but I attempted to look clam and unphased as I answered,

"Oh, Jacob is sick. That's why I decided to go out tonight." I took my ball and made my last shot and only knocked down another 2. Oh well. I hurried over to my seat and grabbed my bag. I told Angela I would see her later and headed to the door before she could even try to stop me. I just couldn't stand to be around all those people. I hurried out into the rain and dashed to my truck. I had a hard time trying to get it unlocked in the dark and was dripping all over the seat when I finally got in. I leaned my head back and willed myself not to cry. The stress of not having Jake was really taking it's toll.

I started my truck and it spluttered and shook to life. I wished Jake would come around and take a look at it... I drove in the direction of home but didn't make the necessary turns in order to get there. I had said bye to Charlie who was leaving right as I was to have a few beers with Henry Clearwater so there wasn't any reason to go home.

I drove all through town and down the road Edward and I had traveled together a long time ago to get to the Meadow. When I came to the dead end I shut off the truck and looked out of the rain covered windows. I let my mind drift back to when Edward was with me. The first time I had ever felt his skin that was colder then metal left out in a blizzard against mine... The hollow empty sound in his chest where his heart should have been... I took a rattled breath and shook my head to dispel those thoughts.

Jake crept his way into my train of thoughts and I soon found myself staring at his Mother's ring and daydreaming about his tight muscle rippled body and his hot hands that seemed to ignite some kind of fire inside me. I thought of parts of him that had touched parts of me that no one else ever had and I begun to crave his touch, his skin, his heat, his lips... It had been too long and the ache in my center would not go away. I needed him now. I had to find him and I refused to take 'No' for answer.

I turned the ignition and nothing happened. My breath caught in my throat and I moaned, "Oh, God... No, please... No...." I tried again but still nothing. I hugged my steering wheel and finally let the tears come. I was stranded.

Charlie was at the Clearwaters and I didn't have their number. I pulled out my cell phone and called the house to make sure he wasn't there and sure enough I didn't get an answer. The answering machine picked up and I left a message saying,

"Dad, it's me. My truck broke down, and if you get this just call my cell. Bye."

I called Jake's house and let it ring as long as I could stand before slamming it shut and throwing it in the seat. I went over my options in my head. There wasn't anyone I knew who could come get me...

I could maybe call a tow truck? I didn't but a few dollars on me, but they would get me home then I could pay them. That would be so embarrassing.... Besides, I was in the middle of no where and really didn't want to have to try and explain that...

The rain was still coming down but not as bad as it was earlier. I could sit here and wait for Charlie to get home or I could just suck it up and walk. I sighed and grabbed my cell and stepped out. It was still chilly, but then again it always was here. I took one last sad look at my truck before I trudged on.

I walked at a moderate speed and I tired to make sure I didn't slip or lose my balance... The last thing I needed was to get hurt out here all by myself... I looked around at the woods and tried to clam my heart. There was nothing out there. Edward always said he was the most dangerous predator so if I can survive him, I can survive anything... Right? I looked over my shoulder but I couldn't even make out my truck anymore through the rain and darkness. I looked ahead as I carefully made my way closer to town.

I was now soaked to the bone and shivering. The cold seemed to be biting at me relentlessly. I was shivering so hard it might have looked like I was having a seizure. I imaged being in Jake's warm embrace and wished more then anything he was here to warm me.

Once or twice I could have sworn I heard the swish of a branch as someone passed by it or felt like something might be watching me... But before I could pinpoint where it was coming from it would be gone, leaving me wondering if it was just my mind making it up. All I could do was keep going so I tucked my head down and tried to lengthen my stride as much as I could. I wished more then anything that Jake or Edward was with me. I would be okay if only there were someone here to hold hand and tell me there was nothing to worry about.

It was still raining and I looked at my phone to see what time it was and saw I had been walking for almost 20 minutes, but there was still no sign of life ahead. I almost wished someone would drive by and pick me up, even though I would never hitchhike. There was just something so menacing about the woods and I was really getting scared. I wrapped my arms around myself trying to hold it together. I decided to try the house again and still got no answer. I called Jake's number and let it ring. I stumbled a little from not paying attention and went down on one knee. Pain slammed up my leg and I cried out loud. The phone was still open in my hand and I heard a deep voice say,

"Hello?" I was in such shock that someone actually answered that I momentarily forgot about my pain.

"Billy! Don't hang up, please, I need your help..."

"Bella, what's wrong? Where are you?" He sounded worried but in control. I started crying and babbling about everything,

"I was driving.... and I stopped, and then my truck won't start but there wasn't anyone to come get me! I called... But there was no one so I started walking and then I fell..." I remembered the pain...

"Shh, clam down, I need to know where you are. Take a deep breath and tell me where your truck is." I heard someone yelling something to him and he tried to muffle the receiver but I heard him say, "I don't know, now hold on, dammit, and I will tell you." He then uncovered the mouth piece and said to me, "Where are you?"

I explained where I had turned and where I ended up saying I must have gotten lost somehow along the way. He didn't question my explanation and relayed it to whoever had been yelling then said, "Okay, now, can you walk?" I pushed my self up and hobbled a little. My knee hurt but it wasn't as bad as it could have been.

"Yes."

"Okay, good, now, I need you to get back to your truck. Get there quickly, but be careful. Someone will be there shortly."

"No, I think I should keep walking... I must be getting close..."

"Bella listen to me, this is not an option. I know you think you are close to town, but you are miles out. Don't worry, I'm sending someone to get you. They know a shortcut and they will meet you at your truck. Don't be alarmed, but being out there right now isn't really that safe. Now, turn around and start walking back to the truck, please."

"Who is coming? Jake?"

"No, it's not Jake, he can't, but there is someone else who is more then capable and he will get you home safely."

"Who is coming?" I repeated. If it wasn't Jake I almost didn't want anyone to come at all. But when I looked around I knew I needed help to get home. He was right, I didn't realized how far out I was.

"It's Sam. Sam Uley." I wanted to say 'No, not him.' But I knew I didn't really have that option. I headed back to my truck while keeping an eye out. I needed to talk so I didn't feel so alone so I said,

"Um... Why isn't It safe?"

"Are you walking back to your truck yet?" He completely evaded my question...

"Yes."

"Good, it should only take him about ten to twelve minutes to get there, so he should get there at the same time you do. I will stay on the phone with you until he finds you. Everything is going to be okay..."

"How can he get here so fast?" I wondered out loud, "Since I'm so far out..."

"Well, like I said he knows a short cut..." He was being vague. I was still limping a little but I was trying to hurry. I was anxious to not be alone. Billy said something but it sounded distant and a little broken up so I asked him to repeat. He said, "Where is your Dad?" I could barely make it out but I said,

"The Clearwaters... Did you hear me? Billy?" I looked at my phone and there was no signal. I cursed out loud but kept it out so that if it returned I could call again. Now I was really scared. I tired to focus on getting there as quickly as possible instead of what exactly wasn't safe. I recalled the noises from earlier and the feeling of being watched. What could it be? No human, (other then me, that is) would come out here on a night like this, and surly he didn't mean... Vampires... Suddenly my missing clothes seemed to click everything in place and I realized that I must be in danger. But from what?

I felt rather then heard something behind me. I swiveled around to face nothing. I turned in a complete circle and saw no trace of anything or anyone. I kept walking then stopped when I realized I didn't remember which way I was going. I looked in both directions but didn't see anything significant that could point me in the right direction. I tried to retrace my steps but just became more confused. I thought I knew what way to go but what if I went back in the wrong direction? I stumbled along the way I thought I should go. I sobbed and broke down crying out of sheer panic. I gasped and tried to calm myself when I heard it. Faintly... There is was again... Someone calling my name. I froze and closed my eyes to help my ears distinguish which direction it was coming from. In front of me.

"Isabella?" I didn't even mind that it was my full name.

"I'm here! Hello?" I shouted then held my breathe as I waited for a reply.

"Where? I'm coming, follow my voice..." He paused then said my name again and he sounded closer then before so I called out again,

"Here! Who is it?" I yelled as I walked towards where I thought the disembodied voice was coming from.

"There you are!" I squinted ahead and could just make out a large figure running in my direction. I sped up and soon I saw it was Sam, and for some reason he was shirtless... I tore my eyes away from his chest and slowed down to an awkward step because of my hurt knee. When he made it to me he pulled me up to him and held me protectively under his arm. He was as hot as Jake and compared to the freezing rain I had been in for God knew how long, it felt like standing next to a fireplace. It was more then welcome. I held onto him as he rushed me back to my truck and quickly opened driver side door and placed me inside.

He took a jacket that I had seen Jake wear on a few occasions when it was below freezing from the passenger seat and wrapped it around me. It swallowed me whole just like Jake did and it smelled just like him. I buried my face in it and inhaled before I started sobbing and crying all over again. Sam put his arm around me and pulled me close so I could cry on his shoulder. I closed my eyes and tried to pretend it was Jake that was holding me. I cried and said, "I miss him... I miss him..." He never said anything but just held me tight. I was glad for the silence.

After my sobs gave way to hiccups I sat up and huddled my soaking wet limbs into as much of Jake's jacket as I could. Sam cleared his throat and said, "You should stay close, it will help you build up your body heat..." He put his arm back around me and he was right, I could tell a difference. "We are waiting for a ride. My fiancée Emily is on her way out here to get us." I nodded but didn't say anything. My brain felt as frozen as my fingers and I could barley move them. The truck was definitely warmer then out side and Sam's close proximity was helping but it wasn't enough. There was only one thing in this world that could help right now...

Not to much longer after Sam's half explanation I started asking questions. "Aren't you cold?" Here I was shivering like a wet kitten, and there he was still wet from the rain with no shirt on and he seemed perfectly okay. He smiled a little and said, just like Jake once had, "I never get cold. I'm sure you've noticed that about Jake. It's in our blood." He left it at that. I looked around outside for something to do. Now that I was more clam the uncomfortable parts of the situation started becoming aware to me. It was strange sitting so close with someone I not only didn't know, but didn't even like. He had lied to me. He was the one that told Jake he couldn't be with me... I decided that I would rather be cold then near someone who was trying to keep Jake and I apart.

I scooted away from him as much as I could and gave him a mean look. He smiled and said, "Don't be like that, now. I'm trying to help, I'm not going to hurt you."

"Well, you are hurting me by keeping Jake away from me! I wouldn't have needed your help if I would have had Jake with me..." I trailed off, afraid I was leading the conversation to what I didn't want to talk about more than anything...

"So what were you doing out here, anyways?" Damn... I tried to sound convincing as I snapped,

"I got lost, okay?" I looked away and tried not to start crying again. That was when it hit me... "How did you get here?" There was no other cars and the only thing around for miles was woods...

"I knew a short cut," he reiterated. I was so fed up with not being told the truth I lost it.

"You know what? Screw you. If you think I am so stupid as to believe that bull crap then you are even more full of it then I originally thought. Why won't you tell me the truth? Why are you keeping Jake from me? What the hell is 'not safe'? I need some answers, dammit!" I was breathing hard by the time I finished. He looked me over for awhile then said,

"Okay, so you think you want to know everything, then fine. If it will keep things like this," he gestured around him to show he just meant me getting myself into trouble then continued, "Then I guess I should just go ahead and tell you. You would figure it out sooner or later, anyways." He gave me a slightly exasperated look before he continued, "Well, I know you already know some about our ancestors, but there is a whole lot more that you don't know. I'll give you the cliff notes version; We are descended from a chief would was accidentally merged with a werewolf. His sons and their sons and so on and so forth would reach an age where they would 'phase' into a werewolf, kind of like hitting puberty. I think you might have noticed that our Jacob is a lot bigger then his mental age. I'd say his physical age is at least Twenty four or so. And that is why he hasn't been able to see you lately, other then when he snuck out, because he is young and dangerous right now. If something happens and he gets angry around you... Especially if you two get 'involved' it could trigger a phase and, trust me, you don't want to be around for that. You could really get hurt."

I laughed out loud and even though I am sure I sounded psychotic I couldn't help it. I looked at him and said "You honestly expect me to believe that?" He gave me a weird look and was about to say something when suddenly headlights appeared behind us in the distance. I turned in my seat but couldn't make anything out past the brights. Sam said "Wait here" and jumped out when they were close enough. He ran around the truck and was about to open the passenger side door as it came to a halt, but it was suddenly thrown wide open and Jake was jumping out and reaching for my door. Sam said something but I couldn't hear, but I didn't care. I fumbled with the door handle and finally got the thing popped right as Jake reached the car.

"Bella...." He pulled me out of the truck and my feet never touched the ground because I was swept away by Jake. He crushed me to him and I burst into more tears. They were tears of happiness for finally being in Jake's arms but there were also frustrated and confused tears. I clung to him like my life depended on it, nonetheless. There was no denying it, I had to have him and now that I did, everything else could wait. Sam opened the back door and told Jake to get me in before I got soaked again. He walked over and when he went to put me down. I clutched myself to him and pleaded with my eyes for him to not let me go and leave me...

"I'm not going anywhere, baby, I'm right here." I loosened my death grip slightly and he tucked me in the car and got in with me. Sam got in the front and whoever was driving made a wide turn and soon we were heading away. I normally would have buckled up and told Jake to do the same but that would have held us back from each other and we both had enough of that as of late. I burrowed into his chest and reveled in his warmth and his scent. I thought the jacket smelled good but it was nothing compared to the real thing.

I didn't care about not being alone or that there were so many questions I needed answered. Jake held me to his chest while he rocked me slightly and 'Shushed' until I was able to compose myself, but even then I wouldn't move away from him. I needed him. He stroked my wet hair and told me he loved me and he was sorry over and over again. I pressed my lips to his to shush him.

At first we just sat there with our bodies entwined and our lips pressed together. It was perfection, the way we molded to each other. I kissed him a little more insistently but he broke it and pressed his to my cheek then my forehead. He took a deep shuddering breath and I realized that other then when it came to his mother, this was the first time I had ever really see him not all put together and in control of his emotions. I kissed his shoulder and hugged his neck tightly, trying to give him comfort right back.

We stopped and I noticed we were at Jake's house. He said, "Billy called Charlie and he should be here by now. Come on, I'm sure he's worried..." He helped me and said thanks to Sam before slamming the door and walking me swiftly to the front door. The car pulled off and before we went inside he took advantage of our moment alone. He grabbed my hips and pinned them to his. His lips found mine and he placed me between him and the side of the house. The wall behind me was freezing, but the wall of Jake was so hot I was sure he must be burning up. One of his huge hands roamed around my chest and came to rest on my breast which I was more the eagerly pressed into and a moan escaped my mouth that was plastered to his. Someone cleared their throat and said loudly,

"How about you kids get in out of the cold." It was Billy. Jake hurried me inside and I saw Charlie. He came over and hugged me as best as he could, but I was holding onto Jake's forearm and I wouldn't let go. He asked a million questions but all it did was give me a headache. I put my hand to my temple and stopped him before he gave himself a heart attack.

"Dad! I am fine, I promise. I'm just wet and I've got a really bad headache..." Jake spoke at once,

"Let me go get you some dry clothes to wear..." but when he went to pull away I latched on tighter and wouldn't let go. He put his enormous hand over mine and said, "I will be right back." He gave me his smile that would always melt my insides and I reluctantly let him go. I answered as many questions as Charlie had time to throw at me before he got back and handed me a stack of clothes. I went to the bathroom to change into Jake's shirt and boxers and sweat pants and to try to do something with my wet mess of hair. I had to pull the drawstrings tight and tuck them in because of how big on me they were, but I didn't care. I smelled my clothes and it had Jake all over them. I looked in the mirror and almost laughed at the goofy little grin I had on my face, but I quickly put it away and headed back out.

When I was about to walk back into the living room where everyone was still talking from I heard Jake saying,

"...staying here is the best option for her. She is already here and doesn't need to be out in the weather any more, and you know she is more upset then she lets on and I for one don't want to leave her alone right now. I can help her. I promise she will get a good night's sleep and will be as good as new tomorrow morning."

I smiled to myself for a minute before I put it away again and walked back in. Jake jumped up and was at my side in no time. He took my hands and invited me to stay the night with him and I agreed, saying I was too tired to leave right then anyways. I told my Dad not to worry and that I was going to take a pain reliever before I went to sleep so not to worry about me. He asked me to walk him to the door and pulled me out of Jake's grasp.

"Are you sure you want to stay here tonight?" He asked as soon as we were out of ear shot.

"Yes, Dad, it will be fine. I know you can't help it, but please don't worry about me, okay?"

"Yeah, I'll work on that." He said sarcastically before kissing the top of my head and saying 'Goodnight.'

When I went back in the living room I looked at the clock and saw it was almost midnight. Jake and I said our good nights to Billy then Jake led me to his bedroom. We crashed on his bed and I halfway laid on top of him, not wanting to be away from him even by an inch. I tired talk but Jake said,

"Shh... Talk, tomorrow. Sleep, now..."

I rolled my eyes but it just made my head hurt worse so I closed them tight. I snuggled up as close as possible and let Jake's steady heartbeat lull my to sleep like a lullaby.


	20. Chapter 20: Rejection

Chapter 20: Rejection

When I finally woke up I felt like I had just emerged from a bottomless whirlpool in the ocean that just kept sucking me further and further under. I breathed in and felt the life flood like the oxygen through my lungs and wash over me. I was still snuggled up with Jake. He was on his back and had me scooped up to his side. My right hand was resting on his huge chest and I watched his mother's ring rise and fall with his steady breathing. Sun was shining through the blinds in little slits across our bodies that were wrapped together.

I tired to remember if I had any bad dreams last night, but I couldn't. I remembered the feat of tossing and turning in this tiny bed with Jake. He was a heavy sleeper, and he took up a lot of room, but even when I was hanging off the edge his arms were around me, never letting me down. At some point during the night I had gotten a little over heated and slithered out of Jake's sweats, which explained the bare leg thrown over his hips. The thought of Jake's hips being within such a close proximity gave me a few ideas that were a lot better then just laying here, even though that was really good, too.

I carefully pulled myself on top of his slumbering from. I shifted around until his morning wood was pleasantly nestled under me and laid down on him so that my breasts were smashing into his bare chest. My head was resting right above his heart beat and I sat very still and listened to the steady rhythm. It was a strong, deep beat. Once I had it memorized I turned my head a little and let my lips rest on his skin. He was hot and warmed my lips up in no time. I moved my head an inch to the side and placed my lips on the next bit of skin and as I moved another inch towards his little peak of a nipple I wondered what he might taste like... I kissed a third spot but this time I parted my lips and let my tongue slip out and ever so slightly caress his skin. He tasted absolutely delicious. His cocoa colored skin felt like it was burning and the only word that I could think of when I tasted his robust flavor; manly. I moved another inch and this time I kissed his nipple and licked him once more. The only response I got was the speeding of his heart rate. I didn't want to push things to fast so I stilled my ministrations for a moment until he calmed down a bit.

When I was sure he wasn't too excited I looked up at his face and studied his beautifully carved features and wanted to feel them with my fingertips. I reached out and cupped his cheek and he nestled into my palm. My heart gave a tug and I felt a rush of love for this man wash over me. I could _feel _the love. It was like something live in side me that had taken hold and there was no escaping.... But I didn't want to. I sat up a little and accidentally mashed my self right on top of him. I felt him get harder then he was before and he unconscionably pushed his hips up into mine. He grasped my hips and without opening his eyes he moaned, "Mmmmmmhummm..." I stifled my laughter and wiggled around a little, causing him to toss his head back and forth and for my eyes to drift shut. I thought of how amazing it would feel if only the clothes weren't in the way. Since he was asleep I decided to see how far I could get with him without him waking up.

I lifted up and eased myself down his lap and rested my weight on my legs on either side of his and gently opened the flap to his boxers. He sprung out easily and I could have sworn I heard him sigh in relief. I kissed the top of his raging boner and felt his muscles tense. I tenderly sucked on the tip and let my lips slip down around his girth a centimeter at a time. Once I had about the first 2 inches in my mouth I added a little teeth and tightened my lips as I pulled it almost all the way before going back down a little further. At the third repetition I heard him say my name all dragged out, "Bellllllllaa...." I moaned in reply and it sent vibrations through him and he groaned again.

I had reached my threshold and even with as much of it in my mouth as I could stand there was still so much left over. I tried to go down a little more but it cut of my air and I felt like I might gag, so I wrapped my hand around his base and worked it in motion with my mouth, which seemed to make up for it. His hands wound their way into my hair and guided my speed, slowing my a little, to drag out every last millimeter of pleasure. I swirled my tongue and dragged my teeth and tightened my hold on him until I had to break away for a breather. Jake himself was panting and I wasn't sure if he was awake yet or not. I looked up and his eyes were squinted shut but other then that he looked like he was resting. I swung my leg to the right and got off the bed and removed my underwear. I stopped for a second and didn't hear a sound coming from the rest of the house but I remembered we needed to be quite.

I gently straddled him once more, trying not to wake him. I managed to position him at my entrance with one hand while the other was pressed to him to help balance. I felt the tip at the right stop and my eyes closed as I slid it in not even half way. I let him go and straighten up only to lower myself a little more. When Jake started to let out whatever exclamation he was dreaming of I slapped my hand over his mouth to stifle it at the same time I slammed down on top of him. My hips bucked of their own accord right as his eyes snapped open and popped wide, looking scared. I didn't give him a moment to catch up, I just fucked him in earnest. His hands grabbed my hips and tried to stop me but I sat all the way back and even the tiniest movement of my hips sent me closer and closer to release. He was filling me up so perfectly and even though it had literally not even been Fifteen seconds I was about to break apart on top of him until I was suddenly shoved upward and all the warm hardness within slipped away and left my center clenching and aching for it's return, but I was pushed to the side and Jake was off the bed.

I flopped on my back and let out a disappointed sigh... Damn, I was so close...

"Why did you do that? You could have been... What were you thinking?"

"Thinking? I was thinking about you, and how amazing that felt! What are you thinking about?" He looked guilty and my eyes narrowed and I said quietly, "You mean even though I was on top of you, you were thinking about your 'pact' with Sam?" He didn't answer but that was clear enough for me. I got out of his bed and went to my clothes that had been dried and placed on his dresser. I yanked off his shirt but before I could get my hands on my bra to snap it on Jake was beside me and pulling me to him.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm leaving, I can't stay here..."

"No, you can't leave, I haven't even got to talk to you! I need... Bella, please, don't go." His eyes were pleading but I didn't want to give in so easily.

"Why not? You don't want me, so why should I stay and torture myself? I can't deal with this!" I tried to pull away but he held on tight and I knew I didn't have a chance of getting out easily.

"You think this is hard for you? You want to talk about torture? How about what you just did to me, that I had to stop, even though I want nothing more then to..." He stopped himself, but I could tell it was hurting him just as much as it was me, but I didn't understand why he wouldn't just be with me...

"I don't get it. I mean, if you really want me like you say you do, then why won't you let it happen? It's not like Sam would know for sure or not if we had actually done anything..."

Jake sighed and said, "I think we need to talk." He went to his bed and sat up against his headboard and motioned for me to come to him. I went over, top and bottomless, and let him pull me down into his strong arms.

"I think you are right."

"Listen, Bella, there are just some things I'm not allowed to say, but I will tell you what I can."

"What does that mean, 'Not allowed?' I don't understand why you are keeping things from me, and I don't know why we are being kept apart, but it is going to stop. I need you, okay?"

"I know, baby, trust me, I know. I've been just as deprived as you."

"But at least you know why... All I get is confusion and rejection... And what was Billy talking about not being safe?" There were so many answers I needed, I didn't even know where I wanted to begin, and I felt like if I heard 'I can't answer' one more time, I might scream.

"Don't worry about that, thats not important. You just need to keep your head on straight and not get into trouble, like last night..."  
He looked a lot more worried then he should have been.

"I'm in danger from someone, aren't I? A vampire?"

"What makes you think that?" I debated for a moment on telling him about the clothes, but I figured if I wanted the truth from him, the least I could do was give it in return. I explained when it happened and what went missing, but before I could explain why I didn't mention it he pulled me back to look at me and said,

"What? Why didn't you tell me about this?"

"Oh well, I don't know, maybe because you up and disappeared on me?!" I knew that stung but I was mad and I didn't really care if I hurt his feelings or not because it was the truth. But he wasn't backing down,

"You think I did that willingly? You know what it took for them to hold me back that day you came to the door? And all those calls, don't you think I knew it was you every time it would ring for Five minutes? What about all the nights I laid here while the worry would burn holes in my stomach thinking about where you are and if you are okay? Then I hear you are stranded out in the middle of the woods, doing God knows what..." He softened a little but his words were still heated, "I'm sorry things turned out this way, but don't think this is what I wanted to happen... I had plans for us, short and long term, and now... Now everything is ruined..." He let go of me and covered his eyes with one of his massive hands. I tugged on it, trying unsuccessfully to prise it away.

"No, that's not true! If you would just explain properly then I could prove it to you. No matter what this is about I don't care!! I love you, and you can't keep me away anymore! I'll let them know that myself if I have to." As if on cue, someone knocked on his door and walked right in without even giving Jake a second to answer. I was still naked and the blankets were at the bottom of the bed. I quickly covered my breasts and Jake was suddenly in front of me with one hand pushing me to the side so that I was hidden from view. Jake let out a low rumbling growl.

"We will be out in a minute."

"You better not be risking it Jake, or so help me..." I heard and realized it was Sam at the door.

"Get out!" snarled Jake before he even finished and then the door slammed. "Come on... Get up and get dressed." His tone was harsh but I knew he wasn't mad at me. I quickly got into my clothes while surveying Jake out of the corner of my eye. He was still mad and I didn't want to have a bad day since this was the first time I was able to see in for what felt like forever so I walked over to him as he was facing his dresser and easily wrapped my arms around him. I hugged him as mush as I could and said,

"Don't me upsedt, please... Everything will be okay, I promise..." I wasn't sure if I even sounded sincere since I didn't know what to think either, but I knew as long as I had Jake, I could make it through anything. He turned and pulled my close to him.

"I love you, Bella."

"I love you, Jake."

He took my hand and led me to his door. It felt like it was Us versus the World, but nothing could stop us as long as we had one another.


	21. Chapter 21: The Truth

Chapter 21: The Truth

Upon entering the kitchen I noted that Sam looked livid, like he had been done the utmost wrong, whereas Billy was sitting quietly in his chair, staring at the table. He seemed to be lost in thought, but Sam was spewing.

"Do you have any... I could just... I told you not to... _How_ did you even break the... You know what, never mind. Jacob... You disobeyed a direct order and betrayed your trust so now, Bella, you have to go home." he finished in a most authoritative tone.

"NO!" We both shouted at the same time. I let Jake continue with,

"I didn't _disobey _you, okay? I didn't _do _anything." he finished heatedly. 'Thats right, I did... Or tried to...' I finished in my head before coming up with an appropriate remark.

"Look, nothing happened, you just walked in at the wrong time." I said, trying to keep the blushing to a medium red. Sam laughed disbelievingly, and I shot him a Death Glare and couldn't help my tone when I blurted out, "And what are you laughing at? It's the truth!" Righteous Rage was flowing through me like liquid courage. I knew I was right, and he had not one right to try and keep us apart. I decided to let him know that. "Who are you to tell Jake what to do? Everything was fine before you came along! Do you have any idea how badly you are hurting both of us because of some stupid 'pact?!' You aren't his father! You can't tell us what to do and I won't put up with it anymore. There is nothing I need to be protected from when it comes to Jake, and believe me, I can handle him. This is going to stop. Now." I took a deep breath and noticed Jake looking at me in shock from my side and Billy had looked up and was watching me carefully like he was sizing me up... And Sam was smiling.

"You think you can 'handle' your little Jakey?" He laughed a deep booming bark of a laugh like he had just been told a funny joke then said, "Go ahead Jake, show her what you can do, and lets see if she thinks she can 'handle' that!" He was still chuckling and I looked at Jake in confusion, but he was looking at his hands in his lap, like he was ashamed of something. I put my hand over his and waited for him to look at me but he just cupped my hand in his and swallowed it whole. I momentarily got caught up in marveling over his sheer mass. He was... Huge. That's all there was to it. My eyes flowed from his long fingers to the palm the width of both of mine, then to his wrists were I followed the veins that were popping out in front of his forearm muscles all the way up to his bi and triceps which were visible due to the cut off shirt he was wearing. Every crease looked toned. I blinked to try and re-focus on what was at hand...

"Jake?" He didn't answer so I looked around and said, "I don't understand..." Sam looked at Billy and he took a deep breath and said,

"You already know. What Sam told you last night is, in fact, the truth." That got Jake's attention.

"WHAT? You told her? She knows?" He looked at me like he was afraid I might try and run away and held my hand tightly. "Bella?"

"I don't know anything!" I protested. "All you said was something about being a werewolf and that Jake was 'dangerous' or something... Yeah right!" I looked at Jake expecting to hear that it wasn't the truth but he only nodded. I looked at him with my whole face squinted and scrunched in confusion. "What does 'nod' mean, Jake? I need answers!"

"Tell her, Jake. Or you can show her." said Sam with a sly smile.

"No, just show her. That's the only way she will ever believe." Billy stated wisely. I was still looking at Jake, waiting for something... Anything... What in the crap where these people talking about?!

Jake stood and went to the back door and went outside, leaving the door open behind him. I looked after him but couldn't see anything. When I made to stand up and follow Sam said, "Give him a second." I was thinking of saying something rude or at least not listening to him, but then something caught my eye at the door and I almost screamed. My first thought was 'BEAR!' and then 'RUN!' Then I realized it was down on all four paws like a normal dog. It was twice the size of a wolf, but it had the shape of one. He, I don't know how I knew it was a he, but I could just tell, had long shaggy brown fur that was as thick as an Alaskan Huskies. He laid down on the floor and rolled over, exposing his belly like any trusting dog would. I managed to smother my scream with a gasp and stay seated. "W..Wh..What..."

I heard Sam say, "That... is Jacob. Don't worry, he won't bite." The huge dog was watching me intently but glanced over at Sam and growled menacingly like he could understand what he was saying.

"You mean... No." I shook my head and tried to deny it to myself, even though there was something Jake-like about him. The dog let out a low whine and flattened his belly on the floor and slowly crawled and scooted his way over to my chair. Part of me was terrified but another part was dieing to know what was going to happen next. He slowly made his way closer, inch by inch, until he was next to my chair. He was so large I could have just extended my hand out to the side and petted him.... But I wasn't that brave. He seemed harmless, but this was not making any sense. He raised his head and placed it on my knee. I gasped but stayed perfectly still and closed my eyes. He nudged my other knee with his nose and I finally made eye contact. For a moment, I forgot about being afraid, because I was looking right into the eyes Jake inherited from his Mother. Without thinking, I reached out and cupped the beasts jaw in my hands and questioned, "Jake?" A low whine escaped his closed lips and I let out a rattling breath.

I moved my thumb side to side on what would be his cheek and he leaned into my hand. I reached up with the other hand scratched the top of his head. His eyes closed and his tongue poked out a little. I continued to stroke his face down to his neck and exploring the feel of his thick coat. It was like running my hands through silky strands of hair that was almost Six inches long. He was still as hot as ever and before I could catch myself I said the first thing that came to mind, "You need a hair cut." His eyes popped open and he made a 'huff' noise before turning his head into my palm and licking me before he laid his head back down on my knee and closed his eyes, waiting for me to resume his petting. I consented, and after a few minutes of stroking the giant puppy I glanced up to see Sam looking at us with a dumbfounded look of shock, and Billy had a small smile playing across his face.

"She said she could handle him. She wasn't lying." I smiled too. I was nowhere near used to this and I was hoping... Jake... It was hard thinking of this... beast... as Jake... But I hoped he couldn't feel my trembling legs and hands. I was having a bit of an adrenaline rush but I tired to look composed.

"H-How did this happen? I mean... What the hell?"

Billy launched into speech. I guess since they were sure I wasn't running for the hills that I could know the truth... Finally. I must admit that I never suspected it to be that he and several others had inherited a werewolf gene because of vampires that had made their way though the area years and years ago, but once I had the whole thing explained, it did make a bit of sense.

"No one is supposed to know out side of the tribe... But under extenuating circumstances, things can change." He finished with a look at Sam who was looking like he had just lost a fight.

After his long winded explanation I had only one question. "Dose this mean I can see Jake now?" I looked down at the still huge and now furry Jake who I was still petting as he laid in my lap right as he looked up at me. I could have sworn he was smiling.

"You need to understand the risks involved. He is young, and not completely in control of his emotions and his phasing. If something was to happen and you were caught in the middle, even if it was an accident, the consequences would be... Sever." I trembled and almost forced myself ask,

"What do you mean?"

This time, it was Sam who answered. "I can show you. But it's not pleasant." He looked like a haunted man. I felt a little afraid, but if I could be around vampires I could handle being around wolves.

"I'm not scared. Show me."

"Will you come over for dinner tonight? You can find out then." I was surprised at the normal turn of the conversation.

"Sure." He nodded and then got up to leave. Billy followed him and I looked at Jake.

"Um.. You can understand me, right?" He made a gruff noise that sounded like him when he was brushing something off. "Oh, okay. Good." I had no idea what to say... "I have no idea what to say." He slowly raised his head and stood up on all four paws. He eased away and then turned and headed out the still open back door. There wasn't even a moments hesitation. I followed.

I walked out and around the corner and saw that Jake was stepping into his sweats. He took his time with the strings so I picked up his shirt for something to do. When he was finally done he looked at me and I saw something different about him. It wasn't just what I now knew, and it wasn't because I just hadn't been with him in what felt like way to long... He looked so exposed and all I wanted to do was hold him. When I stepped to him he moved to the side and just reached for his shirt. I put it out of his reach and held it close to me. I hugged it to my chest then brought it to my face and breathed in deeply. It was covered in his masculine scent and I could feel my body reacting with out meaning to. I held it out slightly and looked at him so to say, 'You want it, come here and get it,' and I could see the war waging in his blazing eyes. I raked him over with my eyes and even now that I understood why he looked so damn good, it didn't change the fact that he was mouthwatering. He stepped forward and tried to take it but I held onto the other end and let myself be pulled to him. I didn't release it and as soon as I was pressed up against him I said quietly, "I prefer it off, if you don't mind." He was stiff as a bored and his jaw was clenched. I wished he would put his arms around me but he was fighting it. I laid my head over his heart and heard it racing. I looked up and placed my hand over the pounding place in his chest and asked what was wrong.

"It's just... I need to know what you think. Honestly, I want to know. The truth."

"Well, I mean, it's a lot to take in, but mostly I'm feeling relieved." I stated truthfully. I felt like I could breathe easier. It must just be being so near to him. I couldn't help myself and placed my other hand on his massive chest and rubbed his tight muscles slightly. I let my hands work their way up to his shoulders and I had to basically stand on my tip toes to reach. The shirt was now trapped between my body pressed against his, but I could still feel his hotness like it was burning through. I massaged him and tried to get him to relax. He took me by the arms and held them still.

"There's more though, there has to be. You must be..." He trailed and the look of sheer pain on his face from what ever he was about to say made me not want to know. I shushed him and kissed him softly. His lips were searing as always and I could feel the weakening in my knees. He finally relented and pulled me in tight to him and wrapped me up. Our lips rested together without moving and I hugged his neck and pulled him down to me. He locked his arms tighter and pulled me up to him and my feet left the ground a little. Every part of our bodies were hugging each other like a friend they had not seen in such a long time. I could feel his heart slowing against my chest and I sighed into him. At least I was able to clam him down some... I didn't want him getting to worked up. I pulled back and he let me sit back down. I looked around and decided we just needed to spend some time together, like we used to. I was sure he missed it as much as I do. "Come on, lets do something. Lets go to the beach, or drive to town. I just want to be with you..." He gave half a smile and said,

"Beach. I want you all to myself." I got excited and jumped up and hugged him tightly.

"Sounds good." I breathed into his neck.

"God, yes." he mumbled into my hair. We both inhaled deeply and breathed out very slowly. He was like one of those candles that relaxed you to me. I thought it was like that for him to. Or at least I hope so. He kissed my forehead we pulled apart and made our way back inside. I waited while he got dressed and after he shoveled down some eggs and sausage we were on our way. We drove in silence and his right hand rested on my left thigh the whole time. It was like he was afraid if he let me go I'd disappear. I knew how he felt as I wrapped both of my hands around his one. I thought of how bad these past few days must have been for him and my heart went out to him. I was so consumed with myself I never once thought about how he must be feeling in all this. I vowed to never do that again and to start making up for it. I tired to get him to talk about it but he just shook his head and said, "Not now, okay?" I relented asked about my truck to change the subject.

"I'm gonna fix it. Well, try to." He made a little stab at humor. I smiled to show it was appreciated and he continued with, "I'll have it to you sometime tomorrow."

"Thanks Jake." I looked out of the window for a moment and thought of how lucky I was. Jake was so wonderful and I felt my heart swell with happiness from being with him. I would do anything in the world for him.

"Bella, can I ask you a question? And answer me, honestly." I was still in covered in a hazy love cloud and answered without thinking and said,

"Of course, Jake."

"What the hell where you doing out there?" I wasn't sure if his question or the anger in his tone that got my attention more. I really thought about what was going on and I told him the truth as much as I could. I wanted to avoid mentioning_ him _at all costs.

"I just ended up there really..." When I could see that wasn't a good enough answer I started explaining what had happened. How I had been out and then gotten upset, and had no where to go. "I just went there to think, then my truck wouldn't start."

"How did you know how to get there? I've never taken you there." He said matter of factly.

"I'd been there before." He casually said

"With who?"and I knew I couldn't lie to him. I barely whispered,

"Edward" and felt his hand clench tightly on my leg. It wasn't painful but it was cutting off a little circulation. He took a gulp and with his eyes glued to the road he prompted me with,

"And what were you thinking about?" I could tell he was upset.

"Jake, there was a lot going on, okay? A lot you don't know about so you can't understand, but don't get mad at me for still having feelings, okay, I can't help it!" I covered my mouth with my hands and silently cursed myself. The words slipped out before I could stop them. His grip on my leg was hurting now but I ignored it. He glanced at me and said,

"Who said anything about feelings?" before he looked back at the road.

"I was just babbling, okay. I just meant there were a lot of different emotions going on at the time." He let my leg go and gripped the wheel tightly. I rubbed my leg to help get the feeling back and looked out the window. We were pulling in and when he parked he didn't move to get out. His eyebrows scrunched together and he asked,

"Did I hurt you? Are you okay?" I nodded my head and blinked back tears as he cupped my face gently. He kissed me softly and we both started apologizing to the other. "Lets just have a good day, okay?" I smiled and we quickly got out of the car and started walking to the shore. The sky was cloudy but you could see some rays of sun breaking through some parts. Jake put his arm around me and held me close as we walked and talked together. I was more then happy to have him, and in no time it felt natural. He made me laugh and took my mind off my inner turmoil.

We walked as far as we normally did, and I decided to take off my shoes and put my feet in the water. We sat on the edge of some rocks and let our legs dangle so the waves could tickle our feet. Jake was holding my hand gently and staring off into the sky, lost in thought.

"Penny for your thoughts?" He looked back at me and smiled.

"No, it's nothing. I'm just happy to be here." He kissed my hand but I was ready to talk some things out. "Can I ask you something?" He looked down at our hands and mumbled his consent. "When you are a.. wolf... Are you still... You?"

"Yes, defiantly. There are some differences, but I still know who I am and what to do and not to do."

"What differences?" I was intrigued.

"Well, we can smell a whole lot better for one. Then there are the obvious things like being stronger and faster. Running gives you a real rush..." He finished with a chuckle.

"So you like it then?" I would be okay with it as long as he was happy.

"Like it? No. And yes. I don't want to be like this, it's... Not normal. But at least I can protect you now." He looked really serious and I could see him tensing, like he was excepting an attack at any moment.

"Jake, what else don't I know? And don't you say you 'can't' because Sam told you earlier you could tell me or show me, and this goes along with telling." I stated logically. He seemed to think about it and then started off with,

"Listen you have to just trust me on this, okay, it's not big deal... But there has been some... Activity around here lately." My throat felt constricted and I choked out,

"As in vampire activity?" He nodded. I tired to sound casual as I asked, "Anyone I know?"

"No, Bella, it's not _him_. Or any of the others. This is one we don't have any kind of truce with. This one feeds on humans. And to answer, yes, I think you do know her. Or at least, she knows you." He looked dead serious and I drew my legs out of the water because I suddenly felt really cold.

"How do you know?" I was scared and I knew it was true but part of me wanted to try and deny it.. It couldn't be... If it was, then we were all in danger, Jake and the others included, even my dad.

"Well, we've chased her out a few times. We think she sent someone new to get past us and scout things out, and apparently to get some personal items that carry your scent. She's got a knack for escaping, but we will get her eventually."

"No, Jake, you have to stay far, far away! If anything ever happened to you because of me, I couldn't handle it! You need to be careful, okay?"

"Listen, I know what I'm doing. I'm designed to kill blood suckers, and thats what I plan to do, especially if it involves you and your safety." I shook my head and changed the subject, trying to fill in all the holes.

"And last night? I wasn't alone?"

"By the time Sam got there, you were. The others were circling around looking but whoever it was split as soon as they smelled us coming, and since we were worried about getting you home in one piece we didn't continue the search. I'm just glad you called when you did..." He pulled me to him and I hugged his shoulder.

"At least we are together now."

"But I don't want you to ever put yourself in that kind of situation again, okay? That's why I wanted to be honest with you and let you know it's not safe out there. You need to keep out of trouble. I might not always be able to help... Just the thought of you out there alone... I swear if anything had happened to you I would have murdered whoever did it with my bare hands." He looked like he could do it, too.

"Okay, well nothing happened, so it's okay. Just don't leave me alone any more, and nothing bad will happen if you are there with me."

"That's what I've been telling them, and hopefully they will listen now... I promise I will never leave you, unless you tell me to."

"Good, then that means you will never have to." I said as I snuggled into him again. Even vampire threats didn't scare me as much as it should have since he was with me. Part of me knew there were more important things to talk about right now, but it was so nice spending time with him I just let everything else go. After awhile, we made our way slowly back towards the car. Once, I tripped over my own feet and stumbled, but Jake saved me before I could go anywhere. He was as constant as the waves in the sea rushing to the shore. Never ending, powerful, always chasing what it loves. He kept his hand at my hip the rest of they way, and I never stumbled again.

He opened my door for me when we got to the car then drove us to his house. My truck had been towed to his driveway and I sat outside with him as he pulled out all his tools and set to work on it. We made light conversation, and I tired to help him by handing him what he needed but I usually picked up the wrong thing.

Around 2, I went inside and made Jake, Billy and I some lunch. Jake had seconds and finished off what I didn't eat. I made a mental note to cook more food for him from now on. He went back out to work on my truck and I followed faithfully. I wanted to spend every second I could with him, even if it was just watching him get dirty. As he bent into the hood I noticed one thing... He looked good no matter what. His shirt was abandoned on the ground and had streaks of grease across his chest and all over his hands and arms. Even when he was filthy, I still wanted to touch him and feel him touching me. I entertained thoughts of scrubbing every tanned and toned inch of him until it was squeaky clean and bit my lip at the mental image. I wanted him so badly. I felt myself moisten and I longed for Jake to do something about the burning need that I had for him. My legs rubbed together of their own accord and I licked my lips and watched as Jake leaned up and stretched his muscles. He popped his neck and when his head was tilted in my direction, something seemed to catch his attention and he looked over at me, grinning slightly.

"What are you over there thinking about?"

"You." I said truthfully.

"Yeah, I can tell." He turned back to the truck and I watched him in confusion.

"What is that supposed to mean?" He simply shrugged and kept working. I went over to him to show that it wasn't a good enough answer and playfully kicked at him with my foot. "Huh?" He just smiled but didn't answer, so I stepped behind him and eased my hands around to his hips. "I told you what I was thinking of, why won't you tell me what you are thinking?" He chuckled but didn't answer still. I kissed his back and felt him tense a little from the contact but he didn't pull away. "I'll tel you what I was thinking about... It involved you, and soap and water. But no clothes, so I can reach all of you..." I let my nails pull at his skin and I heard him moan a little. He flattened his hands over mine to hold them still and said,

"You know I still can't! I could hurt you...."

"No, you know that's not true. You've never hurt me before, and besides, you will never know if you don't try it! I will tell you if it's too much, it'll be fine... Please?" I knew I was begging but I was willing to do whatever it took. Besides, it wasn't working anyways.

"No. I'm sorry, I want to, but No. I've got to finish this before we go to Sam's. We can talk about it again after that."

"What is he going to show me?" I wondered out loud.

"He's going to let you meet Emily. She was the one driving last night. She's his fiancée."

"Oh? And what about her is so special?" I asked a little sarcastically. He didn't look up when he answered with,

"You will see."

"Ooo, I'm so scared!" I joked. We laughed but I think it was obvious that I was trying to cover up my nervousness. I sat back down feeling rejected and a little worried again. I replayed all the old good times in my head, but it didn't help, just made me want him even more. When I thought I wasn't going to be able to take it anymore he announced for me to try it, and sure enough, it cranked right up. "Wow, you saved it! Thanks!" I jumped out of the cab and went to hug him before I stopped and said, "Ew. Shower first, hug later." I helped him clean up then stood at the kitchen sink scrubbing my hands while he took a shower. Billy was in the kitchen and I made some small talk for a minute before the conversation died. I was about to just go to Jake's room and wait for him there when Billy asked me to sit down for a second. I did, wondering out loud what was on his mind.

"Bella, I know how you and Jake feel about each other. Being young and in love... it's a priceless gift, and it's taken away from us way to fast. Jacob cares about you an awful lot, and I know he's got the best intentions at heart, but I want you to know that this isn't the same Jake he used to be. I want you to promise me you won't push him too far. It's like dealing with a bomb that can go off at any second, you have to be that careful. If not, bad things could happen, and it would kill him if he ever did any wrong by you, so just think of how he feels before you get carried away, alrighty?"

"Alright." I nodded and was soon saved from responding by a clean smelling Jake who had his long hair tied back into a pony tail. He was dressed casually in khaki shorts and an old Beatles shirt I'd seen him a wear a few time and some flip flops.

"Ready?" was his greeting and we were soon out the door and on our way. We arrived at Sam and Emily's in less then 5 minutes and made our way to the door where Jake walked right in without knocking. I could hear a lot of people talking and laughing from the back of the house which I assumed was the kitchen and that was the direction Jake was leading us in. He lad my hand and pulled me with him and soon we emerged in a huge kitchen with something bubbling on every stove eye and the smell of Ham floating out of the oven. There was a slim but curvy young woman with long black hair braided back away from her face manning the stove while she chatted to another woman who was preparing the salad. Jake was welcomed with a roar of hellos from all the guys at the table and he returned their greeting and introduced me properly to everyone. When he was done with all the guys he named Mrs. Clearwater and then Emily as the wonderful chefs. "Bella is a great cook too, so you'll have a lot to talk about."

"Oh, no, I don't know about being a 'great' cook, really. I just throw some things together and get people to eat it."

Emily turned and fully faced me for the first time since I had arrived and I almost gasped. "Nonsense, Jacob can't seem to get enough of it! You have to tell me, what it the secret to your spaghetti? He says yours is better, and won't eat mine! And I can't have that, now." It looked like she had been slapped by a bear. The right side of her face was marred by three long vivid scars running down her cheek. I didn't miss a beat as I answered her question.

"Actually, I just add some Worcestershire Sauce to the meat and some Mozzarella cheese in when it's done, thats really it."

"Ohh, good idea! Jacob was right, you are a good cook!" I smiled and said thanks, and let Jake pull me out the back door to where there was a rowdy game of football raging. Jake explained to me what happened with Sam losing control and hurting Emily on accident in hushed tones. My heart went out to both of them, and it did help me understand why Sam was over reacting so much.

As the night wore on I noticed how much Sam really loved her. She was his one weakness. He would not give in to anyone but her, and she was the one who made the decisions, that was obvious. I was beginning to feel jealous of their bond until Jake slid in at my side and wrapped his arm around me. He kissed my head and I relaxed into his hold. I tried to pretend for a minute that we had what they had, the 'something real' that will 'last forever.' If that even exists. Try as I might to ignore it, Edward was still there, holding onto a piece of my heart, and he wouldn't let go. Even though the comfort Jake gave me felt as necessary as air, there was still the longing for the one thing I could never have again. I needed to just accept that it was in the past for good and be happy with where I am.

I helped cook and it was really fun. Being around Emily was so easy that I felt like I had known her for a long time. We joked and worked together well and soon we had the table piled high with a huge ham, mashed potatoes, green beans, corn, corn bread, broccoli and cheese, salad, and a few other requests that had been whipped up.

The conversation's were easy as we sat all scattered about due to over crowding. I sat on the back porch with Jake and Seth and I laughed more then I had in a while. After I was done and there wasn't anything left for Jake to devour we decided to head on out. I was sure Charlie was expecting me home soon. Emily hugged me on the way out and invited me over in the future. I felt a sense of belonging to a family that I hadn't felt in so long. I missed having those close best friends who knew all the secrets. I left with a heavy heart, and couldn't wait to come back soon.

Jake drove me and my truck home. When we made it to the drive way I was being overwhelmed with too many different emotions and I started crying. Jake just hugged me close while I let it all out onto him, and told him how I felt. I wrapped it up quickly and wiped my tears on my sleeve before Jake gave me a quick kiss on the lips. It was the kind of kiss you plan to give someone for the rest of their life, one that he could give even while sleeping, but it was still filled with love and yearning no matter how many times it was given. I was halfway out of the truck when he made it around to the passenger side and started leading me up the driveway when he suddenly froze and tucked me into his side. He didn't move but I could feel the tension in his stance and I could tell he was feeling threatened. I stayed perfectly still and listened for anything that would help me figure out what was going on. He suddenly picked me up and ran to the front door in almost no time and hurried me inside. He put my feet on the floor but he held me to his side as he peeked out of the panes of glass in the door.

"What is it?" I whispered.

"Someone has been here."

"Who?"

"Vampire. I can't tell who. It doesn't feel threatening, but I don't like this. Whoever it was is gone now but they could come back. I don't think you should stay here, you should come back to my house so I can watch over you." He finally looked into my eyes with that last part but I motioned towards the living room and whispered,

"What about Charlie? I can't leave him here alone, he's in danger, too!" He knew I was right and he went back to looking outside to give himself time to think.

"Okay, I was planning on running home, but I'll call Billy and let him know what's goin' on, and I'm staying here. No way am I leaving you alone for a second. I'll run patrol, and maybe Sam will come help or something."

"No Jake, don't do that, you can't just watch me all the time, you have school tomorrow, and that is important!"

"That's not important, I'm not going to take any chances." He turned and faced me before I could protest again and he hugged me to him. "I can't risk anything happening to you, I have to protect you, no matter what. Listen, go talk to Charlie, tell him every thing's fine and then you are going to go to bed and I'll meet you in your room, just leave the window open a little, okay?" I nodded and hugged him back fiercely and said,

"No, don't go out there! It's dangerous for you to be out there alone... No, just listen to me... Just sneak up to my room really quick and stay quite and I will be there in a minute. You can tell if they are getting closer right?" He wrinkled his nose and interjected, "The way they smell, yeah..." and I continued with, "Okay then you can stay here with me, where it is safe, and if they head back this way then you can let them come, thinking I'm unprotected, but I won't be! We can trap them and it will be better then you running them off before you can even get a look at them..." He looked angry but only because he knew I had a better idea then his.

"Are you comfortable with being the bait?"

"They are coming for me anyways, what's the point in pretending? I'm used to being the weak thing at the bottom or the food chain, it's not a big deal. Please, Jake, don't leave me. Please." I think I had already had him but I had to make sure. I did not want him to leave me, and I would do what ever it took to get him not to.

"Fine, hurry upstairs." He finished, still whispering. I nodded and he quietly walked past the living room door, while I went in and distracted Charlie. We talked about our days for a minute, then I told him I was going to have to take a shower and go to bed because I had to be up early, and that so did he, so he needed to get in the bed, too.

When I finally made it upstairs, Jake was curled up in his other form and was curled up at the end of my bed. I petted him and asked if everything was okay and he let out a slow whine. I went and took a quick shower and when I came back Jake looked like he was asleep. I tiptoed around and tried to keep quite as I got out some night clothes. Since Jake was here I dressed light and pulled on a spaghetti strapped top and some boy shorts. I slid into the covers and Jake got up and laid out beside me. I reached out and stroked him soothingly and felt myself drifting in no time. I was really feeling tired.

Soon I was thinking about Jake and the wonders he can work with his hands and mouth and soon had a running mental commentary of what he would do. I thought I might have heard myself moan but I didn't think anything of it. My last thought before slipping away was that I had better get some soon, before I go crazy.

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A/N: I am SO sorry about the delay. Long story short, we had to go out of state to a funeral, and things have been really hectic, but I worked on this when I had the time, and since you had to wait so long I made this my longest chapter yet. I'm finally getting to where the plot thickens! Thanks for reading this far, and please, please, R&R.... I really want to know what you think, and when I don't really get anything thats constructive I'm less sure about what I want to write and therefore I take longer, lol. So please let me know, and as always, I will always respond.


	22. Chapter 22: Surprise!

Chapter 22: Surprise!

The night flew by and soon I was silencing my alarm clock and burrowing back into the covers before I remembered... Where was Jake? I quickly sat up but he wasn't on the bed with me anymore. I got up and looked around, but there was not a shaggy dog nor man any where to be found. There was a sticky note on the window so I went to it and read it without taking it down.

"_You are so beautiful when you sleep. Have a good day, I'll see you when you get home."_

I rolled my eyes, trying to hold onto being mad at him for not saying goodbye, but I couldn't help but smile when I thought about seeing him when I got home from school. And he said I was beautiful... I looked in the mirror and confirmed that, yes, I was grinning like an idiot. I quickly got dressed and made it downstairs and had the coffee going by the time Charlie made it down. I made a simple breakfast of cereal and toast for us, and soon Charlie was heading out to work.

Right as I finished I felt a tightening, twisting, cramping in my abdomen. _Oh, no..._ I thought. I ran upstairs and grabbed my planner out of my book bag and started counting. Yep, it was just about that time. I had completely forgot. I packed the necessary items into my bag and headed out, thinking about how slow today was going to go by... Cramps! On top of everything! Though I supposed that considering recent activities, I should be grateful to have one. I grabbed my keys and was just about to lock the front door when I heard a beautiful voice chime from beside me on the porch swing.

"Surprise!" I jumped and dropped my keys to the ground and my hands flew to cover my mouth. Before my keys even had time to clatter on the wooden porch Alice was in front of me holding them up for me to take, but I was frozen. So many different questions and exclamations were flashing through my mind, and I wasn't sure where to start. Question now, yell later? No, I think yell first, ask questions later. Before I could even take the breath to began she stalled me with a hand.

"Now, before you yell at me, you should know that not only do I know, and I mean _know, _what you are about to say, but that I understand. I am so sorry Bella, I never wanted things to happen the way they did, but I can't change that. I've missed you!" And she was hugging me. I finally managed to take a breath but she let me go and was talking again. "I know you want to know what I'm doing here, so let me give you the cliff notes version. Well, I haven't 'seen' much of you for past few months. There was all the pain, it seemed never ending, then one day you just blacked out. I was almost back here to check on you when you suddenly popped back up and almost nothing was different. I went back and I 'watched' you carefully but the disappearances happened more and more often...I saw you at school... I saw you yelling at our old house... But most of the time, there is just nothing. It's all black and it is _maddening. _But Ed..." I was about to cut her off with when her eyes glazed over a little and it looked like she was seeing something right in front of us, but that only she could see. "My brother..." She continued, apparently she foresaw my reaction to his name... "Has forbidden me to make any contact with you, so I couldn't just come by and see how things were.... So every now and then I casually stroll through and make sure you are staying out of trouble, which of course you _aren't_! Bella, do you have any idea what kind of company you are in? Do you know what that guy_ is?" _The disgusting tone she was using to speak of Jake helped me find my voice.

"_That guy _has a name, and yes, I know exactly what Jacob is! He is the reason I am sane right now! He is the one that picked up the pieces that _your brother_ had absolutely no problem walking away from. Don't show up here and act like you _know _just because you can _see. _You didn't even say goodbye!" Oh great, here come the tears. I looked down and tried to blink them away.

"I know, sweetie, it hurt me too! I miss you so much! I feel like I lost a sister! And no matter how many times I _showed_ him it would be okay, he would just ignore me or make it clear he had not changed his mind... But don't think he just walked away and never thought of you again, or that he doesn't still love you! He just thinks this is what is best, and ugh..." She rubbed her temples in a very human way and finished, "Things have been a bit stressful... But then the night before last you suddenly came in full focus. You were walking down the road, in the middle of no where, and..." She stopped. "What happened that night?" I wanted to roll my eyes and refuse to answer, demand her explanations, but I said,

"My truck broke down and I thought I would walk home, but halfway there I finally got in touch with someone and they sent help. Why?"

"Because I thought you had died, thats why! You were in very grave danger and there was no way I could reach you in time. I was already panicking, then when it went black again I headed straight here. He doesn't know about it, he was gone when it happened, thankfully, but I waited here for you and you never came back! I saw Charlie, but I couldn't just show up here asking if you were okay, so I waited it out for awhile until I decided to hunt until you popped back up. I noticed his _smell _so I kept back until he left you around 6 this morning, then I came back and now I have to know, how did you get away? I saw what was going to happen, and Bella..." She hugged me again. "I just so worried!"

"What did you see? Do you know who was following me?"

"No, I don't know who he was, all I saw was what he planned to do before he suddenly everything went blank! But he isn't who we need to be worried about. I saw a a little more... He was sent here by someone..."

"Victoria." I finally admitted to myself. She was shocked that I had already suspected her, and I explained everything to Alice about the missing clothes and what Jake knew already and everything seemed to add up. "She probably wants to get revenge on... Him... by killing me. Too bad she didn't get the memo, but he doesn't love me anymore." I finished with a sarcastic laugh.

"Oh, Bella, you are probably right about Victoria, but it's not like that with him. He just wanted to keep you safe, and he thought staying away would do that! But now he will see that trouble seems to find you no matter what, and that he doesn't have to torture himself or you anymore! He can come back!"

"Alice, he told me he doesn't love me anymore, he doesn't want to come back. I was just something to pass the time for him. He doesn't want to come back..."

"Well, when he hears about the danger you are in, I think that will change. I have to go, but I'll be in contact with you soon. I don't care what he says anymore, I have to keep you safe. Don't do anything rash. And stay in well lighted and populated areas. Just be careful, I will let Carlisle know what is happening and you will hear from us as soon as we decided something." She was already up and leaving but I shouted,

"WAIT! Alice!" She stopped at the steps and looked back. "What about...?" I tried to force my throat to swallow it's lump and asked, "Will he come... Back?" I was crying again. She knew what I meant, and I waited as she seemed to think really hard about it before smiling a little to herself.

"He might. But I guess we will have to wait and see how it plays out for ourselves, right?" And then she was gone. I sunk to the ground as the last few minutes ran through my head. It happened so fast and now that it was over, all I could do was cry.

I thought about that night, and exactly what Alice must have seen and felt myself shiver. I really owed Sam a thank you, apparently. Then I thought about what Victoria had planned and suddenly felt very weak and vulnerable out here all by my self. And that reminded me that Alice was on her way now to let them all know I was in trouble, again, and that Edward could possibly come back into my life once more. I eyed my book bag and realized there was no way I could handle that right now.

I opened the door and threw it inside before locking up and heading to my truck.

I knew I had to talk to Jake, and let him know everything. He would more then likely freak when he finds out I talked to her and then freak even more when I let him know she plans on coming back, but if their paths are crossed, I can't risk something happening between them. They need to know they are both on the same side... My side... And hopefully that will be enough.

I pulled up at Jake's and walked up to the door. I raised my hand to knock before I decided against it and tried the knob. It was locked. I walked around the house to the back and went up to the back door. I knocked lightly, but no one answered so I tried the knob and it opened. I smiled and stepped cautiously inside. There was no one in sight so I shut the door behind me and quietly made my way over to Jake's bedroom. I made it in without getting caught and found him sprawled out over his bed on top of the blankets and still fully naked. He must have been so tired he just came in and passed out. I sighed and did my best to cover him, lest we get distracted. This was probably the first time I had been around him in I don't know how long that I wasn't thinking about how to get into his pants. There were just some more important things on my mind at the moment.

I sat down on the edge of the bed and looked around his room. I loved being in this room. I always seemed to see something new every time I came in, not to mention how safe I felt here. I really needed to talk to Jake, but I didn't want to wake him because I knew he probably up all night. Just to see what would happen, I laid down at his side and put my head on his shoulder. His left arm came up and held me by my hip to him as he slept on. I couldn't stifle the yawn that escaped as I deeply inhaled his delicious scent. He had already kicked off the blanket to the bottom of the bed and he was so warm I didn't even need one.

Right as I was about to fall asleep, I wondered about what would happen if Edward did come back, but I could hardly put any thoughts together. Jake's presence alone was making it too easy for me to fall asleep, and I was still really tired anyways, so I let myself drift. All I dreamed about was being securely held and protected as I listen to a steady drum beat.

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A/n. So yeah, that was a little short. But it just wrapped itself up so nicely. Sooo what do we think of Alice's return? I'm very excited about writing with her, and I hope I do a good job. Don't you just think she would say "Surprise!"? I just thought, "Oh yeah, that's Alice." Anywho, All of those who think this is just a J/B fic are mistaken. Read the title, she is torn between her true love and her real lover. Eddy will be popping up and there will be a whole bunch of hoopla to go with it, so please R&R and give me some feedback, people! I would appreciate it very much! And you know I will always reply!


	23. Chapter 23: The Decision

Chapter 23: The Decision

Warmth. Wet. Tingling. That was all I was aware of. That, and that it seemed to be all over me.

Nibble. Lick. More wetness (From me.)

Strong grip on my neck. Tightness around my thigh. Something poking my stomach.

It felt like someone was sliding quarters of moist, slick, fruit over my skin and wished I could taste them. I bit my lip in anticipation of such sweetness.

A bit of suction on my neck brought me around to my senses a little, and I came to find Jake had woke up on his own. I opened my eyes and couldn't stop my hands from roaming his from. He pulled back but I didn't want this to end so I tried to pretend I was still asleep so he would continue, but I had been caught. He lightly touched his lips to mine and asked,

"As much as I love waking up next to you, can you tell me why you are in my bed and not at school, young lady?"

"I, um.. I had something to tell you." I could hardly finish my sentence since he resumed nipping at me.

"What was that?"

"I can't remember." I really was having a hard time thinking straight, but I wasn't about to complain.

"Should I stop?" he asked between mouthfuls of my skin.

"Defiantly... Not."

"Well, I don't think I can do much more then this." He emphasized that by pushing me back all the way and hovering over me from my side and running his hand down my neck and chest. I could see the longing in his eyes, but I remembered Billy's warning, and I knew I shouldn't push him. It could turn out bad for both of us. I hugged his neck to me and didn't let go. In a second, everything came back to me. The conversation with Alice, and why I had come here. I felt like crying all over again, but I tried to hold on to the few moments of just being with Jake.

I was trying to hide my trembling but there was no way it would go on unnoticed, being as close as we were. "What is it? What did you need to tell me?"

"It's just... I know you are going to get mad, and I don't want to you to be... But you have to know. I love you, okay?"

"I know, I love you too. Now, tell me, I won't get mad, I promise."

I really hoped so. I started out with my 'surprise' from this morning, but had to back track and explain about her gift, then after he understood that I went back to what had happened the night I was out in the woods and why she came back. He was strung tight and grinding his jaw but he was taking it pretty well so far, I thought.

"So what does this have to do with me? She knows you are okay, so she can leave us alone now, right?" he sounded hopeful.

"Well, she knows some more about Victoria, the vampire that is stalking me. She is going back to talk to her family and they will decide what to do and let me know then. But they way she put it... I think she is coming back."

"Why?" He didn't yell but it was fierce. "Didn't you tell her you were fine, and that I could protect you?"

"No, not really, it happened really fast, and she was actually worried about you, she thought I was getting into more trouble..." I stopped when I saw his facial reaction to that.

"Oh yeah, like I am the one that you need to worry about! I'm not out to drink your blood like they are, or whatever."

"But I did tell her it wasn't like that! I told her you were the only good thing I had in my life and she didn't push the subject. The way she was talking, I don't think she knows anything at all about you, or us. She said she would see me at school and at home, but most of the time everything was just black, and it sounded like all those times were when I was with you... And I know you have an instinct to hate each other, but please don't hate Alice! She has never done me any harm, and it might help to have to more back up with Victoria and her cronies running around! Please Jake..." I reached for him but he sat back on the end of the bed and ran his hands through his hair.

"So you want them to come back?"

"All I am saying is if they do, it wouldn't be such a bad thing, would it?"

"What about him? Is he coming?" I tired to keep my voice strong as I said,

"I don't know. But it won't change anything with us either way, I promise. He might not even come!"

"Trust me, Bella, he will come. And when he does, nothing will ever be the same again. You will leave me." He sounded so sure, so final, like it had already come true. I shook my head and went to him.

"No, it's not like that, not like that at all! Do you think I could just somehow forget the past few months with you? After everything you have done for me, and after everything we have been through...? No, Jake, I could never leave you. I owe everything to you, I don't know where I would be if it wasn't for you. I don't care what happens, you can't get rid of me." I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him. "Why would you think that I could just walk away from you, after everything?" He shrugged as best as he could and said,

"I just didn't know what to think! Things were beginning to look up for us again and now this... When will we just get to be together and be happy?"

"Right now." I kissed his neck and lowered my hands along his chest. "I'm happy right now." I reached his lap and sought out my conformation. "You_ feel _happy..." He sighed and said,

"No, Bella, I can't."

"You may not be able to, but I can! Just lay back and let me know if it gets to be too much." I moved and pushed him back on the bed and climbed up. I loved being on top of him, and I could tell from the thump of his heart underneath my palm that he wasn't disappointed. I let my body slid across his and I felt the ache in my center returning. He gripped my hips and let out a quite warning, "Bella..."

"Shh." I kissed him softly on his lips. Then his cheek. Then his jaw. I worked slowly and carefully. I wanted to feel all of him, but this would do for now. His chin and cheeks were prickly rough, but it wasn't a turn off. I nestled the scruffy kissed him some more. I made it back to his mouth and even though I was trying to be soothing, I thought he was panting. I looked in his eyes and asked, "Is that too much?"

"Yes. But no. I liked that." I sat back up and rubbed him through his pants.

"I can tell." Jake smiled then took a deep breath. Halfway through that he started inhaling deeper and he angled his nose like he was searching the air for some smell. He took another deep breath through his nose and then looked dead at me. As if on cue, I felt my body 'start.' Somehow it clicked that he knew what was physically going on, and I wasn't sure why, but it seemed to be turning him on even more.

"Umm, Bella..." He lifted me off and sat me on the bed and spoke rather calmly, "I think I might be about to rip your clothes off. Please... I think... I need you to leave." He buried his face in his hands like he was trying to hide.

"Leave? But Jake..." I stood up and walked to him and touched his shoulder. He reached out and snagged me out of the air like I was a doll. He was pressing me into the mattress with almost all of his weight in about a second and his hands where running over me, holding me down. I loved the feel of him but even the adrenalin racing in my veins wasn't enough to make me forget I was in danger. Jake attached his lips to my neck and bite and sucked hard. I was trying to stifle my moan when I said, "Jake, careful..."

"I can smell you Bella, all of you. It's worse then just when you are turned on... It's like... It's making me crazy. I want to bend you over and take you until you can't walk straight. I want mate with you and fill you with my seed and for you to carry my child because I can smell that you are ready..." He kissed me and let his hips rock into me, before he pushed away and jumped off of me and the bed and said, "No! I can't! Good God!" He paced back and forth for a second then noticed I was still there and yelled "GO!" I knew he wasn't just acting so I jumped up and ran out his door and slammed it shut. I backed away until I hit a wall then went to the kitchen and leaned against the counter trying to clam my breathing down some when Billy wheeled himself around the widen corner and said with surprise,

"Bella? What are you doing here... It's..." he looked at his wristwatch, "Fifteen till Two, you should be in school. Does your dad know where you are?"

"Well, no, he was gone when... Something unexpected happened... And I had to hurry over here, then Jake was asleep and I didn't want to wake him so I laid down with him, and I think I know what you mean now about being careful, because... Wow, I'm just babbling, I'll stop now." I physically clamped my lips together to keep myself from talking.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes, I am fine... but I don't know about Jacob, he got really agitated..."

"Well, it's like I said, he is still getting used to... Everything, so this is real hard on him. It will get better, you'll see. But he does care for you, that is obvious. Just give him some time to clam down, then I'll tell him to call you." I felt a little better just being able to talk about it and hear that it would be okay.

"Thanks, Billy. That means a lot..." I wasn't really sure how else to say 'thank you' but he stopped me with,

"Nah, it's nothing. Now you better get home and think of a good reason to tell you father as to why you weren't in school."

"Why? You planned on telling on me?" He chuckled and said,

"No need, honey. Your dad is the Chief of Police, the only person who knows more about anything and everything then him is Father Lennon, and I mean, hell, he's a priest!" I couldn't help but laugh and agree with that. I felt a very fatherly moment with Billy and walked over to his chair and hugged his neck and said 'thanks' again. He hugged me back and when I stood upright he caught the hand with the ring Jake had given me on it and gave it a sad, wistful look. He looked like someone who had lived through to many years of suffering, but he smiled and said,

"It's nice to see someone wearing that thing again, though I'm used to it being on the other hand. Did he tell you where it came from?"

"Yes, and I told him I didn't want it, that it was too special, but he really insisted..."

"No, it's a good thing, really. I'm glad you're wearing it, and it really shows how much you mean to him."

"Yeah, I know. I know. Well, bye..."

"Bye now. Drive safe."

I nodded and walked out of the back door and around to the front of the house. I looked up at Jake's window and wished I was taller so I could peek in, just to make sure everything was okay, but I was about a foot and a half to short. I kept going and got in my truck and made it home without any problems. I took care of my menses and was soon curled up in my bed with a heating pad for my tummy, Pride and Prejudice to read, and some munchies to tide me over till I felt like cooking. I also made sure the house phone and my cell phone was in reach, so that no matter what number Jake called, I would reach it in time.

I flipped the pages and stopped at a really good conversation between the blossoming lovers and lost myself into a world where I was Elizabeth and and Jake was my Mr. Darcy. Soon I wasn't even reading along any more, I was just thinking it up as I went along. I thought about why my monthly visit was effecting him so strongly, and I had a pretty good idea about it. I once had a dog once, a long time ago, that would go crazy and try to sniff me around that time, so I guess it had to do with his latest development since it had never effected him like his before... Now I was probably not going to get to see him until it is over... I was getting irritated so I thought of something else.

I remembered what he said about basically wanting to get me pregnant and felt myself be torn in two. I knew a part of me always wanted to be with Jake and I could easily see myself having kids and growing old with him. But the other part of me knew I wasn't anywhere near ready to be a mother, and still wanted to be frozen in time and made immortal and be able to spend every last second awake and with... Edward... God, it hurts to just think it...

My mind brought me back to what Alice could be possibly be doing and I wished I had a phone number to call, or something. I needed to talk to her, she would surely be able to help. Where was she? Did Edward know yet? Is he really coming? I tired to think of seeing him again, actually being in the same room with him, and my heart was already fluttering. What would I say? All I could come up with was... Blank.

I slammed back into my pillows and threw my book in the floor, thinking meanly about Alice. She knows perfectly well I am sitting here about to lose my mind, since she could 'see' and all... Wait, that's it! I sat up straight and looked around my room. I cleared my throat and said,

"Alice, call me and tell me what is going on! I'm about to die here!" I waited for a second, then added, "Please?" I counted to two then my phone rang. I leaped across the bed and grabbed my cell phone and answered with out even looking. "Hello?"

"Yes, Bella, I know you are about to freak, but things have been crazy here..."

"What do you mean? Are you coming back?"

"Well, see that's just it. I want to, but_ someone _thinks that he is better then _everyone _and that we don't all need to go back, that he can 'deal' with it himself." I understood what she was saying and felt angry and said,

"Well, tell him I said I don't care what he thinks! I want to see you, and everyone else too. It's not just up to him!" There was a pause and she said,

"He hears, you know he is listening in, as usual." She sounded angry herself and I didn't bother to try and sound nice when I asked,

"What do you care what he says? Just because he can't stand by the promises he made doesn't mean he can take away other people that I care about! I wasn't all over him, you know, I missed you too! And Jasper, and Esme, and Carlisle! I even miss Emmet and Rosalie! Why did he have to take _everything _ away from me?"

"He said he doesn't want to make it even harder on you when... When we have to leave, again. And he's right, you know. It would be even worse for you to be even more... Attached."

"Attached?! He is worried about me being attached!? HA! He should have thought about that a long time ago! I am long passed attached, I am in morning! I feel like someone died, like I will never get to talk to any of you ever again..." I was so worked up over everything I ended up boiling over. "Just stop this Edward! God Dammit! Why are you doing this to me? I swear... You know what, Get your pale ass back here, now. We are going to deal with this once and for all. Come back here and face me, you coward!" I chocked on my sobs I was trying to hold in and broke down into tears. I wasn't sure when I went form talking to Alice to him, but once I knew there was even the faintest link between us, I wanted to... No, needed to talk to him.

"Okay. He said, 'Okay, if that is what you want." The decision was in my hands, I held my breath as it seemed like everyone, including Alice, must be waiting for me to make a choice. I was feeling so many different things I felt like I went numb and replied,

"Yes, it is."

"Alright, I will call you when we are in the area and we will set something up."

We got off the phone soon and I sat on the edge of the bed thinking of what I had just done. For some reason, I felt like I had just signed someone's death certificate with that one decision.

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A/N: Sooo, there is no running off to Italy, just a small choice that will change just about everything for her. I think Edward could possibly be in the next chapter, but I don't know yet, and I won't until I write it, which will be in a few more days when I finally finish it at 4 or 5 am (like right now) and I will speed post it then go crash, lol. Also, the lateness might also be the reason I created Father Lennon! I was listening to the Beatles and it just popped out and I left it, even though I was sure people were going to just think I was crazy. But yeah, I hope it is turning out well! I really am trying to do something different with all of them, but I'm not reading anything involving them, so just let me know if you are thinking "OMG, not this, AGAIN!" And I will take it into consideration! Thanks for reading! Please review! -Jessica P.S. Are we sexually frustrated enough yet? Hmm? ::Evil Grin::


	24. Chapter 24: Charlie's Intervention

Chapter 24: Charlie's Intervention

::Edward POV::

I watched as Alice's eyes winded and glazed over, and I immediately tuned into her thoughts as if they were a radio station, searching for even the slightest glimpse of Bella. I was in luck. I watched as Bella sat in her tiny bed and spoke as if Alice could hear her, asking for a phone call. Alice whipped out her phone. I could hear the ringing from the phone and the thoughts in Alice's head. Suddenly Bella's voice rang out clear over the phone, "Hello?" And I thanked every deity that came to mind for letting my ears be graced by the most beautiful sound in the world once more. Alice said something and I heard her speak again.

"What do you mean? Are you coming back?" she sounded afraid.

"Well, see that's just it. I want to, but_ someone _thinks that he is better then _everyone _and that we don't all need to go back, that he can 'deal' with it himself." I smiled a little to myself at the angry thoughts that were swirling through her mind. Alice was so adorable sometimes.

"Well, tell him I said I don't care what he thinks! I want to see you, and everyone else too. It's not just up to him!" Alice's eyes shot right to me and stayed locked with mine as she said,

"He hears, you know he is listening in, as usual." A sudden jolt of panic shot through my senses, almost like I was in danger, or maybe that was what it felt like to be electrocuted... But I was sure it was just the knowledge that this was as close as I had been to Bella in so long...

"What do you care what he says? Just because he can't stand by the promises he made doesn't mean he can take away other people that I care about! It wasn't all over him, you know, I missed you too! And Jasper, and Esme, and Carlisle! I even miss Emmet and Rosalie! Why did he have to take _everything _ away from me?" If I could have died I would have then, just from that. She wasn't afraid anymore, she was mad. At me. Oh, what have I done?

"He said he doesn't want to make it even harder on you when... When we have to leave, again. And he's right, you know. It would be even worse for you to be even more... Attached." Alice was speaking a little softer, and I was glad that even though she was angry with me, she at least saw my point. I only ever had Bella's best interest in my proverbial heart.

"Attached?! He is worried about me being attached!? HA! He should have thought about that a long time ago! I am long passed attached, I am in morning! I feel like someone died, like I will never get to talk to any of you ever again..." Her words seared across me like slashes from a fiery whip, but she wasn't done yet. "Just stop this Edward! God Dammit! Why are you doing this to me? I swear... You know what, Get your pale ass back here, now. We are going to deal with this once and for all. Come back here and face me, you coward!" Different feelings of pain and anger seared up through me at her words even though I knew they were justified. I deserved to feel this pain. I visioned myself saying to Alice that it was okay, and that I would do whatever is it that Bella wanted me to do. She got the message, and told Bella.

I felt like I was standing on a precipice and that her answer was going to catapult me off no matter what. If she said No, I would be lost forever in the despair I created... After I killed whoever stood in the way of her having a long and happy life...

And if she said Yes... Oh, if she said yes, I don't even think Alice would be able to see what will happen. I didn't realize I had stopped my unnecessary breathing until I heard the Angel voice answer my most silent prayers...

"Yes, it is." The rest of the conversation was lost to me as I stood as still as a stone and tried to prepare myself for the next hardest thing I would ever have to do. Walk away from the only person I have ever loved... Twice.

::Bella POV::

I still hadn't heard anything from Jake (Or Alice) when Charlie got home a little after Five. I stayed in the bed and listened to his footsteps roam around downstairs until they stopped and I heard him calling my name up the stairs.

"I'm in here!" I called back. He stomped up the stairs and was soon in my door way.

"You okay?" He looked concerned.

I repeated what I had decided would be a good answer earlier. "Oh, yeah, you know... Girl things... I just started to 'Feel bad' right after you left, so I stayed home. I'll make up the work though, don't worry."

"Nah, I'm not worried about school, I just wanted to make sure everything was okay. Do you need me to make a run to the store? I used to do that for your mom all the time... Except with her it was always,

"Maxi's, Moose tracks, and a bottle of sherry" we said at the same time. I laughed and said,

"Somethings never change. But yeah... No, Dad, I'm good."

"Okay, well how 'bout I whip us up something to eat for a change? You hungry?"

"Yeah, I am, actually..." I realized it right when he mentioned food. "But don't worry, I can cook, really..."

"Nope, I'm gonna do it... Why don't you let me pretend to be the parent for a night."

"Okay, but nothing you have to cook on the stove, I don't want you burning the place down!" I said as I got out of the bed. I tired to be discreet as I slid my phone into my pocket. I had to admit I was feeling a little desperate to hear something from someone. I was about to go stir crazy, and Charlie's intervention was welcome.

He chuckled and said, "Nope, no stove required!" I followed him downstairs and to the kitchen and watched as he picked up the phone and dialed a number and proceeded to order a vast amount of Chinese food. I laughed when he got off the phone and said,

"So that is your idea of cooking?"

"Yep, what do you think I did before you showed up and spoiled me with all the home cooking?"

I just laughed and shook my head. We headed to the living room and sat on the couch where Charlie offered me the remote.

"No, it's fine, isn't there a game on, or something?"

"Not right now, just go ahead watch whatever you want to watch. I don't mind... Except for rap videos... I can't stand those. And no cookin' shows, they make me hungry."

"What about CSI, got a problem with that?"

"Sounds fine." We sat in comfortable silence. It was the most at peace I had felt since I left Jake's earlier today. I took a deep breathe and let myself relax so much as possible. I started giving myself a mental pep talk.

Everything really was going to be okay. I mean, sure there's a really pissed off Vampire out there who most likely wants to maim and kill me, but aside from that I had an amazing, caring, and protective boyfriend (And his pack) who would always keep me safe. And I also had Alice, who could 'see' if I was alright (as long as I wasn't near Jake, who for some reason causes me to black out.) There was also Jasper and his ability to effect someone's mood, and even Emmett's and Rosalie's brute strength wouldn't be amiss in a situation like this. Not to mention... I might as well get used to thinking and saying it... Edward... Who could hear thoughts and therefore be able to counteract anything thrown his way. So the odds really seemed to be in my favor, all I had to do was not get over emotional and see that everything will work out in time. And at least I would get to see everyone again...

The thought of seeing Edward sent my heart into erratic flutters. My hands started shaking in my lap and I clasped them together to keep them still. I wondered what he might say to me. Would he even have anything to say? He is probably mad at me for getting into more trouble, and I felt so ashamed for not keeping my promise to him. I knew he didn't feel the same way about me any longer, but I should be thankful he is willing to even come help me at all.

I tried to remember all the things flying through my head when I was yelling at him through Alice over the phone and all I could remember was that I wanted... No, needed... I remember, I thought 'needed' to talk to him... But what did I want to tell him? I pictured Edward in my mind, just his face. I tired to think of anything I could possibly say to him.

I love you? No, he doesn't deserve to hear that I still do.

I hate you? No, because it's a little obvious to everyone that that is not the case.

Lets be friends? I tired to think of anything wrong with that, and other then the fact that it would not make Jake very happy, there wasn't a reason not to. I could at least be civil. I would just have to keep my head and not let my myself get caught up in the moment.

Another thought came to me, and I realized that even though he may know a little about Jacob being around me, he didn't know anything about our relationship, especially the sexual aspect of it. The only way he would know is if he was near enough to Jake to hear his thoughts, and I knew that I had to do whatever it took to keep them apart. I didn't really know why that was so important to me, but I knew I never wanted Edward to know about that, ever.

I trailed off to wondering where Jake was and why he hadn't called yet. I cursed being a woman. First, Cramps... Now, no Jake, and soon a coven of vampires will be back in town. I sighed and thought about how life can manage to get so messed up sometimes. I gave myself a mental shake.

I thought about Jake... I knew if I had him I could make it through anything, but then again, this is the one thing he can't hold my hand through.

Charlie intervened again when the food arrived and we answered the door. I took as much as I could carry to the kitchen and got some plates as he paid and we were soon chowing down. I felt a wave of gratitude for him flow over me and I said,

"Hey dad? Thanks... For, you know. Everything."

"Yeah, no problem. And thank you for, you know, being around."

I knew what he meant so I smiled and nodded. Sometimes it was painstakingly obvious how much my Dad and I were alike.

Halfway through my chicken fried rice and Sesame Chicken my call phone buzzed in my pocket. I shot up out of my chair and whipped it out of my back pocket.

_Jake. _

"I've gotta take this..." I didn't wait for Charlie to agree, I just went out the back door and answered as soon as I was getting out of ear shot.

"Jake?" I basically pleaded into the phone.

"Bella. Where are you?"

"I'm at home, why?"

"Because there has been some major activity with some friends of mine. I think they caught wind that some of your old friends were heading back into town. Do you know anything about that?" His careful wording was more then to the point.

"Well... Yes, actually... I was waiting until you called me and I was going to tell you that I talked to Alice, and the Cullen's..." I casually referred to them as... "Plan on being here some time tonight. I'm sure you are all still on friendly terms, right?" I knew that 'friendly terms' was seriously stretching it, but I was mainly reminding him there was also a pack with the Cullen's that he couldn't just break. I could practically hear him growl when he agreed, and I knew he was tense as ever. I wanted to calm him down so I changed the subject.

"Well, what have you done all day? I've been waiting for your call..."

"I know, but I was out talking to Sam. He's actually been a big help today. He explained a lot... And I just wanted to apologize, Bella, for earlier. I could have hurt you, I never should have put you that kind of situation."

"What are you talking about? I put myself in that situation, and you didn't hurt me. You were still able to control yourself. Why would you say that?"

"I just... I know you aren't going to be happy about this, but I don't think I should I see you, just for a few days... I want to, but..."

"It's okay, Jake, I understand, really. It seems like you are right, we can't just be happy, no matter what." I felt a hopeless despair drift over me but Jake's strong voice brought me back.

"No, don't say that! I mean, I know I did earlier, but Bella, I really think we do have a chance, okay? Things will get better, I will make them better! And then me and you will be together in every way. I will spend the rest of my life making you happy and as long as you are, I will be happy, too. Please, believe me!"

"I want to, I really do. It doesn't sound half bad, to be honest. I just miss you..."

"I know, and I'm sorry about that, too. I wish I was there with you right now. Sam is circling you, so you are safe, but I can't stand just sitting here so far away from you." I heard something slam and Jake muttered a curse. I asked if he was okay and after a heavy sigh he said, "Yeah..." I didn't know what else to say, so I told the first thought that came to mind.

"I don't want Sam to 'circle' me! Why would he do that?" I asked, a little annoyed.

"Because I asked him to! You think I'd just leave you all unsupervised out there with all these vampires running around and you smelling like an all you can eat buffet? I think not." We both laughed a little and I said,

"I love you, Jake, you know that. For so many reasons, but I mean, I really love you."

"God, Bella, I love you too! Arrgh, this is killing me! I have to see you... I just need to see you for myself... Listen, let me call you back okay?"

"Okay, just hurry, I miss you."

"I will, love you."

"Love you!" And then the connection was cut. I looked at my phone as it flashed Five minutes and Thirty Four seconds and marveled over how I could feel so many different emotions in such a short amount of time and thought no wonder I was so tired.

"You shouldn't be out here all by yourself... Bella..."

I froze, except for my eye lids, which slammed shut. If this was a dream, I wanted to hang onto it for a minute or two longer, because Edward was with me, I could tell. I could feel him.

"Edward?" I whispered. I knew he heard at least the last part of that conversation, perhaps the whole thing. I waited. He didn't say anything, so I forced my body to obey and turned around to face him. There he was, less then three feet away.

"Bella..." He breathed my name like it was sacred. The surroundings were the same as they were the last time I saw him, and when he took a step closer and I could see the golden shine in his eyes, it almost felt like no time had even passed. It was just me, and Edward. Almost... There was the throbbing pain in my chest that seemed to have awoken with a ten times stronger attack and I did what I could to keep myself standing.

I tired to force my head to clear, and I tired to remember what he had said, oh yeah... "I'm not by myself, a friend my mine is looking out for me."

"And yet I managed to slip past him?"

Damn.... "Well, that is hardly fair, you are at an advantage when it comes to everyone else."

"Not with you, though." I felt myself blush and when I did I remembered that he would be able to tell and I blushed even more and looked away. Edward inhaled and laughed a little and said, "It really has been too long..."

I managed to look at him again but before I had a chance to think of something to say something caught his attention and he said, "Charlie is worried. You should get inside. I'm going to talk to the others and work out a plan, but I will be back, and rest assured that nothing will happen to you... I promise." Charlie intervened again...

It did mean a lot to me, but when I saw the cold, hard mask of his face I couldn't help but say, "And since when can I trust your promises?" I wanted to leave it at that, but I said, "If you happen to have time, I might leave my window open, and if so then you can stop by and let me know the 'plan'."

He was already backing away so that the shadows were covering his face and I couldn't see him properly, but he said "Sure." Then was gone in a blink. I made my way back to the house where I found Charlie pacing the porch. He questioned me and I assured him everything was fine, that I just felt like laying down. I hurried up the stairs and to my room where I shut my door and went right to my window and threw it open. I looked out into the fading light and wondered how anything good could ever come from this... My phone rang and I answered without looking. "Yeah?"

"Okay, listen, I'm coming over. Just wanted to let you know I'm coming the normal way, so I'll be there in a bit. Let Charlie know. See ya!" And he was gone in a click. I sat my phone on the window seal and realized things were about to get even more complicated.

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A/N: Okay, so how did I do? I threw in the Edward POV after some serious debating, but I thought I should make it clear that even though Bella thinks, and Edward sometimes acts like he doesn't love her, it's not the case. I know I just re-did the conversation, but you see it from the other side. And don't go judging me, thinking I'm just gonna break Jake's heart. Okay? But leave me some reviews, people, and I will of course be working on the next chapter and have it up ASAP! -Jessica


	25. Chapter 25: Moment of Hesitation

Chapter 25: Moment of Hesitation

I left my room and went back downstairs where I found Charlie in the living room.

"Hey, Dad. Jake is heading over for a bit." I saw his eyes flick to the clock, but he didn't comment on the time.

"I thought you said you were gonna lay down?" Crap... I did say that, didn't I?

"Well, I still want to see him, you know we haven't had a lot of time together lately."

"Yeah. Alright." I sat on the couch with him and tried to keep still as I waited for Jake to get here.

When I heard his car pull up and his door slam shut I was up and out the front door in a second. When I saw Jake he was coming up the steps and I met him at the top. I couldn't help myself, I just threw my self on him and almost chocked him because I was hugging his neck so tight. His arms folded around my back and secured me to him. I pulled back enough to see his face and asked if he was okay.

"I am now. You?"

"I am now..." I repeated. I wanted to kiss him but I knew he must already be having a hard enough time, so I resisted. "How long can you stay? What do you want to do?"

"We should hang around here, I don't have long. I think we should stay outside, more air flow." I knew what he meant and agreed. He took my hand and led me through the door and went in and said a quick 'Hey' to Charlie. We headed out the back door and walked towards the trees until I slowed down a little, looking at how menacing the forest looked. Jake caught on to my hesitation right away and said,

"Don't be scared, I won't let anything happen to you. I promise." His eyes looked black in the diminishing light, but not an empty black. There was a vast amount of emotions showing in them, and I knew that no matter what, I could always trust Jake. I walked into his grasp and hugged him one more time.

"I believe you." I got a little caught up in the moment and I kissed him, hard. He kissed me back for a second before halting my assault and bringing me to face him.

"Please, don't. This is hard enough as it is."

"You're right, I'm sorry." I backed off and felt a little grumpy at the fact that I was always the one being told to stop, but I let Jake tuck my hand into his and lead me to a nice spot. We sat and I leaded my back against his chest as his hands immediately went to my head and his fingers started tracing their familiar paths through my hair.

"Tell me about your day." he said. I felt like I was in a trance and I began telling him about hanging out with Charlie. He listened as I babbled on and on and made little comments when it was appropriate. After I had nothing else to talk about, I asked,

"Is everything okay? You're being really quite."

"I'm just trying to enjoy this while I can."

"You still think I'm just going to run right into Edwards arms, don't you?" When he didn't answer, I said, "For your information, I've already seen him! And I'm still with you, aren't I?" I thought I sounded mad but Jake's growl of, "_WHAT?" _sounded a lot more convincing. I faced him and hurriedly explained what was said and that nothing was the matter, but he apparently felt different.

"I told Sam... I can't... He _promised_ he would keep an eye on you!" He was livid. I tired to calm him down but he just ignored that. He was still mumbling about Sam when I finally caught his attention and told him to listen.

"Jake, listen! Do you love me?"

"What? Yes!"

"Okay, so then why won't you just believe me? Like I believe in you! Why are you stressing over this so much, isn't that my job?" He thought for a second and laughed a little.

"I guess you are right. I just... I can't lose you. You have to know that no one can ever love you as much as I do. I won't be okay unless I know you are mine. I have to know. Tell me that you are." He was holding my arms and his grip was tight. I took a shuddering breath and said,

"Jake, you have nothing to worry about. You don't have to hold onto me as if I'm going to disappear on you. I will never leave you. I am your Bella. I'm yours." I finished with a shrug, not sure how much more clear I could get. Jake simply pulled me to him and held me tight. He buried his face into the crook of my neck and exhaled. It was already rather warm outside and Jake's nearness and hot breath were making me even hotter. I tired not to think about the feel of his muscles through his shirt. I also tried to keep my hands to myself, but my control seemed to be failing. I ran my hands up and down his chest, and let one hand wrap around his side so I could lightly scratch the small of his back. He shuddered a little and I stilled my movements, not wanting to push him too far.

Out of no where a huge black wolf-like shape bounded past and landed right in front of us. I screamed but was already being shoved behind Jake. His massive from blocked everything, so I didn't know what was going on until I heard him say fiercely, yet calmly at the same time, "It's just Sam." I looked back up and he was gone. A moment later he emerged from behind a tree wearing only a pair of swim trunks. "What are you doing here?"

"Seeing what you are doing here! Do you have any idea what you are doing? What you are risking?" Sam growled, but was still keeping a cool head, unlike Jake who started spewing,

"Yes, and I don't care! I needed to check up on her! You told me you were going to watch out for Bella! One of those blood suckers already slipped by and could have... You promised you would watch out for her! Why weren't you paying attention?" he questioned.

"I was paying attention! Are you forgetting, Jacob, that Bella does not live in La Push? There is no treaty saying they can't go to her house!"

"So you just risked her life because there was nothing you could _do _about it?"

"They weren't here to hurt her, they are here to help!"

"Who's side are you on? I love Bella, I can keep her safe! I don't need their help!" Jake roared. I was startled, and I felt like I was eavesdropping since it seemed like Jake forgot I was there, hiding behind him.

"I'm not on anyone's side! I was watching them the whole time, if he'd tried anything, that would be breaking the treaty and we would have a war on our hands, but nothing happened."

"I don't care. This is it." Jake turned and faced me and took hold of my arm. "Bella, you are coming with me. You aren't going to stay here any longer, you are coming home with me, where it's safe." Two different feelings rose in me. One was thankfulness, once again, that I had someone like Jake who loved me that much. The other was anger. I didn't want to be baby sat all the time and I wasn't going to leave Charlie by himself. Not to mention... Edward. I remember he would be 'stopping by' at some point and started to panic. Lucky for me, Sam stopped Jake before I could protest.

"It's not safe for her there either, not with you! What did we just get through talking about today, huh? And look, here you are! Already breaking my trust in you yet again!" Jake yelled back,

"I don't want your trust! I want you to leave me and Bella alone! I'm not hurting her, am I? I've had plenty of time to lose my control and I didn't even come close! I can do this!" He faced me again and sounded like he was trying to convince me too. "You don't have anything to worry about, I would never hurt you! Don't be scared. Come with me! Please."

"I can't Jake, I have to stay here." The hurt in his eyes was shadowed by the anger in his features.

"Why?" It was just a whisper, but I think I would have preferred him to yell instead. There was nothing to cover up the pain in his voice.

"Listen, don't take this the wrong way, I'm not afraid of you! But I can't leave Charlie, and I mean, what would I tell him? I doubt he would be okay with my moving out before I even graduated..." I trailed off.

"You're making excuses. Admit it, you are afraid!"

"No! I'm not! Would I be out here with you if I were?" I pointed out.

"Then it's something else! You are hiding something from me!" His hand came up from my left and I flinched like I thought he was going to hit me. I have no idea why I did that, it was completely involuntary. His hand froze about a foot from my face as he registered what just happened. He slowly moved his hand the rest of the way to me and he brushed some hair away from my face then dropped his arm to his side. I barely heard him ask, "Is it him?" I saw he was shaking. I tired to sort through my brain, to force myself to comprehend what was going on, and by the time I managed to form even a coherent sound all that came out was,

"Uhh..." To most, that would be nothing but a pause as someone thought of what to say. To Jake, that was a hesitation, and apparently to him, a moment of hesitation is just the same as admitting he was right. His face contorted into a blur of pain and he took a step back.

"I see." He was now two feet away and I realized what he was thinking and that he was going to leave.

"No, Jake! Wait, just wait!" I stepped forward but Jake growled and I jumped back. He turned and fled and as soon as he reached the cover of the trees I heard the ripping of clothes as he changed into his wolf form. I looked at Sam in horror and said, "Go get him! I need to talk to him! This has nothing to do with... Why did he... Oh my God..." I covered my eyes with my hand and thought to myself that this night could not get any worse. I heard Sam come closer and he laid a hand on my shoulder in a very reassuring way.

"Don't worry about him. He'll calm down and I'll talk some sense into him. He'll call you tomorrow, I promise." I looked up at him and felt like a child in size and mentally as I asked,

"Promise?" He nodded and continued with,

"Now, you need to get in the house and _stay there._ Understand? I'm gonna drive Jake's car home so Charlie won't get suspicious but that means you will be alone for a bit, unless one of your other 'friends' show up. Think you can stay out of trouble?" I nodded and watched as he walked over to where Jake had changed and dug through the scraps of fabric and found his car keys. He walked me back to the house and I felt like I might start crying at any moment, but Sam broke into my thoughts with, "Hang in there, kiddo, everything will be okay in the morning, you'll see." I felt a little annoyed at the 'kiddo' since he was only about two years older then me, but still he held the aura of a leader who had wisdom on his side. I felt a little better nonetheless and said goodnight as I went in the back door and locked it.

It was almost nine when I went in the living room and saw that Charlie had fallen asleep in front of the T.V. I tired to wake him but shaking him but he wouldn't budge and he snored really loudly when I shouted his name so I just threw a blanket over him and left the the T.V. on.

When I made it to my room I went back to the window and retrieved my cell phone from the seal and checked for missed calls and I had one from Alice. I quickly called her back and waited for her to answer.

"Bella, where have you been? I've been worried!"

"I was talking to Jake...cob. He, uh, he just left. Do you, by any chance, know where... Your brother is." _Chicken! _ I thought to myself.

"Jasper and I are here at the house with Edward right now. Esme and Carlisle will be here in the morning and Rosalie and Emmett will be with them." She answered at once. I took a breathe and asked,

"I think... he... said something about coming by? At some point?"

"Hold on a sec, Bella." There was silence for a minute then out of nowhere I heard Edward say my name.

"Bella?" For a second I thought I was hearing things again but when I said,

"Yes?" He replied from over the phone.

"Was there something you would like to ask me?" I tired to remember what we were talking about and when I did it came out before I could stop myself.

"Oh, I was wondering if you were coming over." I stuffed my knuckles in my mouth to keep myself from saying anything else.

"I will. If you want me to." He said slowly. I tried to control my breathing and said as calmly as I could,

"Actually, if you don't mind, I would like to catch up with Alice. It's been awhile and I miss her. If that's okay with her, that is." I hoped it sounded like I meant that. I bit on my knuckles again to keep myself from shouting, 'I miss you too!'

"Sure, she would love to. She will be there shortly. Have a good night, Bella." The phone disconnected.

I sat in my chair and tried to clam my breathing. As much as I longed to see him, I could not risking hurting Jake if he came by and saw he was here. Not to mention I hoped that was at least somewhat a blow to his ego that I would rather not see him... Like he even cares... And besides, I did miss Alice and I needed some girl time anyways.

I rested my eyes and tried to will away the headache that was bothering me.

"Boo!" I jumped at the sound of Alice's voice and put my hand over my racing heart. She laughed and slid gracefully into my room and perched on the bed in front of me. "So, what's been going on here, Bella? You smell a little... Different... Well, you smell like dog, so you stink, but under that there is something that has changed about you..." She seemed to be trying to place whatever it was that was missing by sniffing the air.

"Do you mind?"

"Oh, sorry. Well, why don't you start off telling me about this Jacob and why I don't see you whenever he is around."

"How did you figure that out already?"

"The night I came back here to talk to you and he was in your room with you, I could smell him but I couldn't see either one of you. I stayed hidden and waited, and then as soon as he left, you suddenly popped back up into my 'sight!' So I knew he must be what was causing it. So, spill it."

"What about, you know, the whole 'mind reading thing'? I really don't want him to know... you know?"

"Bella, believe me, I know what it is like to have something you don't want anyone else to know, but you can't keep anything from him. Well, _you_ can, but he would just find it out through someone else's thoughts anyways. Might as well just give him your version." I could see her point, but that didn't make this any easier. I tried to start talking but I couldn't seem to word anything right and would just stop. Finally Alice took pity on me and said, "Well, lets start with how long have you known Jacob?"

"Uh, a couple of months. I've known him for longer, but we just recently became... Close." I decided to omit the sexual aspect.

"Mmhumm, and how long have you been together?"

"Just a few weeks."

"And how do you feel about him?" I closed my eyes and I thought of Jake. I pictured him in my head and said with out even meaning to,

"I love him. He saved me. From myself... From everything. He makes me smile and laugh and he makes the pain not hurt so much. He has helped me grow so much as a person, and I can't imagine where I would be without him. He has taught me a lot about love. And trust. I owe him... everything. I never want to lose him." I concluded. I opened my eyes and saw Alice staring at me like she hadn't ever really seen me before.

"Wow, Bella. He got you good, didn't he?" I sighed and nodded. "What about Edward? How do you feel about him?"

I felt pain and anger run through me and I closed my eyes again and thought of Edward. "I can't even say his name..." I began. "The pain it causes, even when I hear it... I just don't understand him. I do... love him... but at the same time, I am so pissed at him. I want to hate him, but I can't seem to even pretend to mean that. I sometimes wish I had never even met him, but I can't seem to mean that either. When it comes to... him... It all just really... hurts." I finished. This time, Alice looked like she knew what I was talking about. I listen to her as she said,

"I know. I remember those months... It was really hard on me to see you hurting like that day after day. And believe it or not, it was really bad for him too. I know you don't get why he did what he did, but he thought he was doing what was best."

"I don't want to hear excuses made for him. He made his decisions. He _left _me. If he really feels so badly about it then he needs to come apologize for it himself."

"You are right, sorry that wasn't my place. But you know, as much as I don't understand anything about this Jacob guy, all I know is that right around the time you started 'blacking out', whenever you would come back into view, you always seemed... Not better, but... Better. If that makes sense?"

"I know what you mean. I was so thankful to have his help but I was still determined to drown in my sorrows for awhile there."

"Yeah, there is only one person I know who is more stubborn then you and that's..." She stopped and I sensed Edward's name in the unspoken part of that sentence. "Just one more thing I love about you!"

"Nice save."

"I have no idea what you mean! Well, you need some rest! You have school tomorrow, so we need to get you in bed!" I complied and laid down as she walked slowly to the window.

"Wait, what about your little 'plan' you didn't tell me anything about that."

"Oh, it's nothing you need to know all the details of, just know you are being protected, okay?" She turned to leave but spun back around. "But that doesn't mean to take your safety lightly. Understood?"

"Honestly! Do you people think I purposefully walk right into trouble or something?" I asked indignantly.

"No, sweetie, we know you do it on accident. Goodnight!" She was gone. I grumbled and settled into my blankets.

I had a hard time falling asleep and when I did it was by pretending that Jake and Edward where there watching over me.

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A/N: Okay, so I know that took forever, but my sister has been in the hospital and things have been completely insane. I actually wanted to add in some Alice and Edward POV but I cut it here so I could go ahead and post it. I may still include the other POV's but it'll be nest time. But to get to the point, upon re-reading this I realized it is possible to assume Jake is going to do his 'run off for 45 days thing' but that would just take away all the fun now wouldn't it? So don't worry, Jake will be back around soon. I am hoping to have some good teenager angst on the way, maybe even some naughty fun somewhere in the near future? Who knows! I promise to try and get the next chapter up soon!!


	26. Chapter 26: My Sunshine

Chapter 26: My Sunshine

::Alice POV::

(_Edward, stop hovering!)_ I thought very loudly in my head. He had been following me closely looking for any sign of Bella. (_She is blacked out right now! There is nothing to see here!)_

"Nothing at all?" Edward questioned me out loud.

"No! Can you see anything? Then there is your answer!" I snapped. Like I could hide it even if I did know what Bella was doing right now. Like he can't hear me thinking this right now. I looked up and made eye contact with him before he easily slid his eyes away. (_I saw that.) _ I thought to him.

"I'm going to go check on her. She shouldn't be left alone with those..."

The rest of Edward's sentence was momentarily turned down a few notches in volume as I saw a swirl of images dance in front of my eyes. Edward's decisions. I stopped my unnecessary breathing and focused completely on the visions.

Edward running.

Edward blacking out.

Edward talking to Bella.

Bella yelling, crying...

Blacking out...

It hurt my eyes to look at it. It was like staring into light so bright that you could not see a thing. And it gave me a headache. My hands flew to my temples as I caught my breathing pattern back and began to talk him out of it.

"No, you are staying here. If you go, it will only end badly. You saw that much. And I think you know what the black spots mean." He didn't looked pleased but I thought he at least had enough of his wits about him to listen to me. The mean look he shot me told me he heard that. (_Good.)_

I stood in the center of the room and closed my eyes, waiting for a spark. It hadn't felt like very long when I felt Edward at my side. He handed my phone to me.

"Call her." I raised one eyebrow slightly and didn't move. "Please." He grounded it out like it hurt him. I took the phone and it was ringing in a second. After several rings it went to voice mail. I snapped the phone shut and put it in my pocket. (_She will call when she checks her phone.) _I thought to Edward. He let out a long wind of air and joined my silent and still vigil.

What felt like minutes later, but it was more then likely a lot longer, my phone chirped.

I skipped the pleasantries. "Bella, where have you been? I've been worried!"

"I was talking to Jake...cob. He, uh, he just left. Do you, by any chance, know where... Your brother is." The evading of his name was all to obvious. Did she really think she was fooling anyone?

"Jasper and I are here at the house with Edward right now. Esme and Carlisle will be here in the morning and Rosalie and Emmett will be with them." I included everyone and acted like I didn't notice anything.

"I think... he... said something about coming by? At some point?"

"Hold on a sec, Bella." If she wanted to know what Edward was doing, and Edward wanted to know she was doing, then he could talk to her. I enjoyed the look of dead anger on his face as I offered him the cellular phone. He reluctantly took it from me and said,

"Bella?"

"Yes?" Okay, the breathless reply was a bit much, I mean really... Edward shot me another mean looked and asked politely but pointedly,

"Was there something you would like to ask me?" After a pause there was the rush of,

"Oh, I was wondering if you were coming over." I doubted she meant to say that. Humans and their silly emotions.

"I will. If you want me to." I saw the swirl of images, all showing me different decisions he could make were going through my head. Edward hoping. Edward in Bella's room. Kissing. Yelling. Blacking out... I gave Edward a look but was saved by Bella's hesitant,

"Actually, if you don't mind, I would like to catch up with Alice. It's been awhile and I miss her. If that's okay with her, that is." Nice one, Bella! I didn't feel one bit of pity at the fallen look on Edward's face. (_After all you put her through...)_

"Sure, she would love to. She will be there shortly. Have a good night, Bella..." He said with ease before he shut the phone and finished with, "I deserve so much worse." in a much more devastated tone. His hand closed over the phone and it from the look on his face it didn't look like I was going to get it back anytime soon. I breezed over to Jasper and kissed his cheek.

"See you, Jaz."

"See you, Al." I felt waves of love and longing... Admiration and overall pretty-ness flow over me. I loved that trick.

"I'll be back soon."

The trip to Bella's took less then 3 minutes her time, but it felt like a short stroll through the woods for me. There were no wolves around and I sped up, worried that she was left alone. I popped into her open window with "Boo!" and scared her littler heart into beating like a crazy. I settled on her bed and got right to the point.

"So, what's been going on here, Bella? You smell a little..." I took in a deep draw of her scent and tried to place what wasn't the same, while ignoring the burn in my throat. "Different... Well, you smell like dog, so you stink, but under that there is something that has changed about you..." I sniffed again.

"Do you mind?"

"Oh, sorry. Well, why don't you start off telling me about this Jacob and why I don't see you whenever he is around."

"How did you figure that out already?"

"The night I came back here to talk to you and he was in your room with you, I could smell him but I couldn't see either one of you. I stayed hidden and waited, and then as soon as he left, you suddenly popped back up into my 'sight!' So I knew he must be what was causing it. So, spill it."

"What about, you know, the whole 'mind reading thing'? I really don't want him to know... you know?" I felt for her, but...

"Bella, believe me, I know what it is like to have something you don't want anyone else to know, but you can't keep anything from him. Well, _you_ can, but he would just find it out through someone else's thoughts anyways. Might as well just give him your version." I waited as she tried again and again to start, but just became frustrated and stopped trying. I gave in and prompted with, "Well, lets start with how long have you known Jacob?"

"Uh, a couple of months. I've known him for longer, but we just recently became... Close." Uh oh. I stopped my thoughts before they could go... There.

"Mmhumm, and how long have you been together?" She had been blacking out on a regular basis, after school and until bed time and so on, but then she was suddenly in view with no interruptions for awhile and it made me wonder what could be going on with them...

"Just a few weeks."

"And how do you feel about him?" I asked bluntly. She closed her eyes, and a peaceful look came over her features and she answered right away.

"I love him. He saved me. From myself... From everything. He makes me smile and laugh and he makes the pain not hurt so much. He has helped me grow so much as a person, and I can't imagine where I would be without him. He has taught me a lot about love. And trust. I owe him... everything. I never want to lose him." I felt a bit gob smacked. That was... Meaningful, to say the least...

"Wow, Bella. He got you good, didn't he?" I was relentless. "What about Edward? How do you feel about him?"

Her eyes closed again and her brow scrunched together. "I can't even say his name..." She begun, and sounded frustrated. "The pain it causes, even when I hear it... I just don't understand him. I do... love him... but at the same time, I am so pissed at him. I want to hate him, but I can't seem to even pretend to mean that. I sometimes wish I had never even met him, but I can't seem to mean that either. When it comes to... him... It all just really... hurts." I felt her pain and told her,

"I know. I remember those months... It was really hard on me to see you hurting like that day after day. And believe it or not, it was really bad for him too. I know you don't get why he did what he did, but he thought he was doing what was best." I was trying to help, but she was suddenly fierce, even in her weak state.

"I don't want to hear excuses made for him. He made his decisions. He _left _me. If he really feels so badly about it then he needs to come apologize for it himself." She was right.

"You are right, sorry that wasn't my place. But you know, as much as I don't understand anything about this Jacob guy, all I know is that right around the time you started 'blacking out', whenever you would come back into view, you always seemed... Not better, but... Better. If that makes sense?"

"I know what you mean. I was so thankful to have his help but I was still determined to drown in my sorrows for awhile there."

"Yeah, there is only one person I know who is more stubborn then you and that's..." I was about to say Edward, but I 'saw' what would happen so I covered with, "Just one more thing I love about you!"

"Nice save."

"I have no idea what you mean! Well, you need some rest! You have school tomorrow, so we need to get you in bed!"

"Wait, what about your little 'plan' you didn't tell me anything about that."

"Oh, it's nothing you need to know all the details of, just know you are being protected, okay?" I was going to leave it at that, but as an after thought I spun and added, "But that doesn't mean to take your safety lightly. Understood?"

"Honestly! Do you people think I purposefully walk right into trouble or something?" She snapped. She was so cute!

"No, sweetie, we know you do it on accident. Goodnight!" I jumped and landed without a sound. I her her mumbling as I raced away. I had gone about Fifty yards when I smelled him. It was Jacob. I slowed and used my senses to feel him out.

He was near. I could hear his rapid heartbeat and the soft thud of his paws on the ground. A shuffle of his fur made me turn west and I headed for him. I came across him a few seconds later and stood still next to a tree. I looked over his russet colored from and noticed the strain of his muscles. He was feeling very protective. I spoke calmly and said,

"I'm not here to fight you. Bella's inside asleep, she's safe." He growled and showed a bit of teeth. I put my hands on my hips and asked, "Do you have to be rude? I'm trying to be nice! At least Sam put forth the effort!" He growled even louder and bounded into some bushes. I thought he was running away when he suddenly popped back up in his normal, and very exposed, skin. He was hidden from the waist down, but I could tell Bella really knew how to pick them. He spoke in a low growl, almost like his wolf voice,

"Bella isn't safe with any of you here. It's your fault she's being tracked by that Red Headed Bitch!"

"Wait, you know about Victoria?"

"I've known since I changed! She hasn't made any appearances in awhile, but others have. They never do anything, and we can never catch them. It's really... Shady." I was sorting thorough everything in my head and decided I needed to get home.

"I'll talk this over with my family. Are you going to be watching over her tonight?"

"I watch over her _every _night!" he replied vehemently.

"Okay, I was just making sure! But please, keep us informed. We are just trying to keep her safe too, and as soon as this is taken care of, the sooner we will be out of your... Hair." I was going to say, 'fur.'

"Good. Can't wait." I was already on my way.

Edward was waiting for me and quickly went over everything in my mind. He looked frozen in pain as he heard the conversation with Bella, and angry when he got to the conversation with Jacob. He bounded off without a word to me and I looked to 'see' what he was going to do, but he was just going for some alone time. I couldn't blame him.

I looked around for Jasper and found him in our old bedroom. I walked in and peeked into the closet to see what had been left behind. I said,

"I really miss it here."

"I know you do." Was his reply.

"We've got the place to ourselves until Edward gets back..." I mentioned. I felt a swell of arousal and need rise inside me, and it wasn't just the mood tampering from him.

"And how long will that be?" He asked very innocently. I didn't even bother to 'look.'

"Long enough."

::Bella POV::

I didn't sleep well at all and when my alarm went off I quickly hit the button and made it shut up. I rolled over and seriously considered sleeping in. I found an extremely comfortable spot in my bed and closed my eyes. I was having a pleasant dream and I was Jake... I was just about to imagine all the awesome things I could to with Jake when my phone buzzed. My hand roamed over my nightstand until I clasped my phone and put it to my ear without even looking at the caller I.D.

"What?" I mumbled.

"Good morning, Bella Swan! This is your wake up call! Don't you even think of skipping another day of school, Missy!"

"Uh uh." I said in denial. I burrowed into my covers and she said, threateningly,

"Do I need to come over there and dress you myself and even do something with that mop of hair you've been ignoring?"

"No!" I sat up. "I'm up!"

"Okay, now go get ready. I'll see you when you get home form school!"

She hung up, and I considered curling back up, but I knew if I did she would come over and play with me like a life size doll, so I rolled out of bed and stumbled through my morning routine. I was still cramping and I was missing Jake. I was in a grumpy mood by the time I was making my way down the stairs to my truck. I had my head down the whole time, and didn't see him standing there against my truck until I was only a few feet away.

"Hey."

"Jake! You're here!" I stated the obvious. He wasn't wearing a shirt and his car was nowhere around so I knew how he had gotten here. I could still see the hurt in his eyes but he was trying to act like nothing was wrong. "Are you still mad at me?" He softened a little and said,

"I'm not mad at you. It's just the situation..."

"No, it's okay..." I walked closer and reached out my hand to him. He was propped up against the driver side door and didn't meet me in the middle, he just pulled my hand and brought me to him. I placed my hands on his chest as he put his arms around my waist. Now that I was closer I noticed how worn out he looked. He had dark circles around his eyes and bags under them and he looked exhausted. "How long have you been running around here?" I asked. "All night?"

"For a little while... I couldn't sleep..."

"Why did you stay out here? You should have came to my room, I left my window open!"

"You were sleeping, I didn't want to disturb you."

"I wasn't sleeping, I was tossing and turning thinking about you! I couldn't sleep because you weren't there!" He looked like he regretted not coming in, but was still determined to justify his reasoning.

"What about Charlie? What if he found us?"

"Well, then, I guess we should hope that would never happen, and if it did, I would hope he wouldn't shoot first, ask questions later."

"You're funny... I guess you get to be the one to explain why his bullets won't hurt me."

"They won't?"

"Well, at first it will, but I could probably heal from a bullet wound in about a day or two. I've never actually tested it out though, and don't really plan on it..."

"I promise, nothing will happen. I keep the door closed and if for some reason he knocked you can just hide in the closet! It's not that hard! Wouldn't you rather be in my bed with me then running around out here in the dark?"

"Well, if you put it that way..." He leaned in and kissed me softly, his touches mirroring his sleepy state. I pulled back with a sigh and said,

"Come on, I'm gonna take you home."

"No, I can run, you need to get to school."

"So I'll miss homeroom, so what? Come on, hop in, don't waste time." He relented and opened my door for me. I got in and started it without a problem. Jake climbed in the passenger seat and rested his head on the window. I touched his arm and said, "Thanks again for fixing my truck, it's been running great."

"Your welcome." He scooted over and kissed my cheek then laid his head down in my lap. I still had enough room to turn the steering wheel without hitting his head so I didn't ask him to move. I knew he was tired on my account and I could at least make sure he made it home and into a comfortable bed. I petted his hair out of his face and then put it in drive. I eased my leg from the brake to the gas easily so I wouldn't disturb him too much.

Once I made it out on the main road I looked up at the sky and was surprised to see the sunshine breaking through the cloudy canopy. It was a beautiful yellow with the pink tint to it. It shone right through the trees and through my windshield and glinted off of the pearl that rested on my finger on the hand gripping the wheel. I drove with my right hand while my left brushed through Jake's hair. I started humming "You Are My Sunshine" to him. Even though he was not technically sharing this moment with me, I was more then happy to have him there for it. He made me appreciate a gift like a sunny day that I would have normally over looked, being as self-absorbed as I am. I had the same re-occurring thought, that Jake was, in fact, My Sunshine.

I made it to Jake's with no problems and sat with him for a minute, listening to his breathing. I knew it was getting late and I needed to get to school, so I said, "Wake up, sleepy head. You're home." He rolled his face into my lap and breathed in deeper. He looked back up at me and said,

"Yes, I am." I swatted him a little and he sat up. He stretched and I decided to ask out of curiosity,

"Jake, what do I smell like to you?" He quirked an eyebrow and said,

"Well, you smell really good. Like coffee and food, clean but not perfumed, and you have something that is just you. Just... Bella. And when you are... You know, turned on, I can always tell. You smell... ready. And wet. And... Delicious." I shivered at the sound of his voice. He was sniffing the air again, but unlike when Alice was doing it, I liked it when Jake did. It was like he was feeling me up without touching me and it made me want him even more. Then when I realized he could tell I was getting hot for him, I blushed but was surprised to feel myself getting more and more excited. It was like any little thing set me off and I was sure that if he didn't do something about it _soon _ he might have to buy a water bottle to use to squirt me with, since I won't be able to refrain from humping his leg. I licked my dry lips and tried to make my brain function.

"And what about now? With my 'time of the month?'"

"I don't want to say... You will be offended..."

"No, I won't, why, is it bad?"

"No, it's just... You smell like you're... In heat, or something! It's like your body is sending me wave after wave of your hormones and they are screaming at me to have my way with you and... And to, you know, make babies... With you..."

"You want... babies?" I had never even talked with him about anything like this, and I wanted to know how he felt...

"I don't know, I mean, if it was the right time... Which now isn't."

"Yeah, I know, but say, like, on down the road... What about then?"

"If by then I was still with you, yes, I would love to have kids. What about you?"

"Well, I think being a mother has to be one of the most amazing and hardest things a woman could do, but if it was your baby, I would love to carry it and be it's mother." I knew that even though the thought of being a mom scared the crap out of me, I still had to admit to myself that I would do that for him. He carefully took my right hand in his and ran his finger along his mother's ring.

"Well, before I make you a mom, I should make you my wife, don't you think?" I gulped.

"I think that is the natural order of things." I replied quietly.

"So shouldn't this be on the other hand, then?" He was still looking at the ring, and not at me. When I first put it on I hoped he didn't notice I had put it on the opposite hand, but he was apparently more observant then what I had given him credit for. I wanted to say yes, but I didn't want to promise myself to him just yet. I knew I would never leave him, but I had to resolve my issues before I committed to something as official as... Marriage. I tired not to visibly shudder at the thought.

"I think, everything in it's own time... Okay?" He didn't say anything, and I feared another blow up like last night, so I said, "Well, it's getting late and I want to tuck you in, so lets get inside." I was thankful he was so tired or I might not have gotten out of that so easily.

We made our way in and went straight to his room. He crashed on his bed and I began pulling the covers out from under him so he could sleep between them instead of on them. I started to pull them up his chest when he suddenly grabbed my arms and pulled me down to him. He let gravity do the rest and I collapsed onto him and caught my lips with his. He squeezed me tight and kissed me hard. After he broke the kiss he held me close and said,

"Love you." and didn't do anything else. I waited a minute before I whispered,

"Jake?" and got no reply. He just passed out. I stood and tucked him in and kissed his forehead. "I love you, too." I wished I had made him something to eat before he went to sleep, but it was too late now.

I made it to school and signed myself in as tardy. I lied and said I had car trouble, but considering my vehicle, it was believable.

School went by slow. I took notes and marked off a few more days on my countdown to graduation. I passed a test in Lit with no problem and got made sure I got all of my makeup work. At lunch I talked to Angela and actually made it through the whole day without any incidences. By the time the bell rang I was more then ready to be out of there and drove straight home, intending to call Jake. When I pulled up everything looked normal and I hurried inside. I went up to my room to get into some more comfortable clothes and to pick up the phone.

I called Jake and Billy said he was still asleep, and I told him to let him sleep and to just let him know I called. I called Alice next and this time I did get an answer.

She said Carlisle and everyone had arrived and things were a bit of a mess at the moment so she would have to get back to me later. I hung up and looked around form something to do and my book bag caught my eye. I trudged downstairs with it and made a snack to munch on while I hit the books.

I was still working when Charlie got home and I hurriedly cleansed off the table. We made dinner and watched some T.V. When he asked how my day was I tired to think of anything I could tell him that he would understand. I left it at, "It was fine."

Jake called and let me know he was busy that night, he had some 'community' things he needed to take care of and that he would call me later. After all my homework was done I found myself knitting just to have something to do with my hands. Being still made me feel like I was letting my guard down, and I knew it was not time for something like that. This was just the calm before the storm.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

A/N: I know it took me awhile again, but you have to give me a bit of a break! The 29th was mine and Andrew's one year wedding anniversary so I was preoccupied! Anywho... Okay, so I took a stab of doing Alice's visions. I hope it came out right, it was easy to think but hard to get into words, but I tried. What do you think? And just to clarify, the black spots basically mean a run in with a member of the pack. Alice can't see the wolves, like in the books. Hope that makes sense! And I hope the conversations Alice has in her head with Edward aren't confusing. I read the Midnight Sun draft, (I mean, who didn't?) And I loved that they had their own privet convo's and had to see if I could pull it off. I cut off the Alice/Jasper sex scene because I wasn't sure how that would be accepted, but I might pick it back up, I just felt like I had been Alice for long enough at that point. Do you like the multiply POV's? It's fun to write, I must say. Please review and let me know what you think! I am dieing for some real feedback here! But to those of you who DO leave real reviews, (Not just 'can't wait for more!' even though that is still appreciated,) I THANK YOU! You are the only reason I keep bothering to post anything at all, all because of you kind and your helpful words. So for the rest of you, please be nice and R&R!

P.S. Since I decided to name this chapter My Sunshine I just wanted to show you what I had in mind. It is actually from an old Johnny Cash song but I sing a part of it as a lullaby to my baby when I'm putting her to sleep, (I swear as soon as I start singing that song her eyes start to close, lol.) But this is it:

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine  
You make me happy when skies are gray  
You'll never know dear, how much I love you  
Please don't take my sunshine away"

I think it's really sweet, and it can be about anyone you love. Just had to share!


	27. Chapter 27: Hugs

Chapter 27: Hugs

The next day at school passed just like yesterday. Classes, lunch, classes, home. I finished my homework when I got in and waited for something, anything... To happen. Jake called around Four.

"Hey, how was your day?" he asked.

"It was okay. Yours?"

"Eh, nothing special. Listen, I wanted to know if maybe you wanted to come over tomorrow? I can make us dinner."

"That sounds great, but why not tonight?"

"Well, I wanted it to be just me and you, so it will have to be tomorrow. I'll see you then, okay?"

"Okay... I love you."

"Love you too! Bye!" What in the world was going on with him? When I was about to start dinner, my cell phone rang.

"Hello, Bella!"

"Yes, Alice?"

"Well, everything is now settled. Carlisle decided to keep our return to town as quite as possible, which shouldn't be to hard, and we are going to set up constant surveillance of you." She cut me off before I could get a word in. "No protesting! Just listening! We are working on tracking down Victoria and trying to figure out what she is up to, but the point is that we will keep you safe. Also, I wanted to you to able to say 'hello' to everyone, so tonight I am throwing a 'So Happy To See You Again!' party! Sounds fun, right? So I'll see you here in, say, one hour?"

"I... guess..."

"Alright! Bye!" I was really getting tired of these phone conversations.

I decided to make dinner before I left. I tired to keep myself distracted, but the thought of spending the night in proximity of Edward had me dropping things and forgetting ingredients. I only ate a few bites of the Chicken Alfredo before I felt sick and threw it down the garbage disposal, telling Charlie that I just hadn't made it right and didn't want it, even though he said his was fine.

When the dishes were done, I went upstairs and looked in my closet and tried to think of something appropriate to wear. What do you put on when you are about to see you ex who still painfully owns your heart? I ended up in a nice pair of jeans and a plain purple shirt. I pulled a few strands of hair out of my eyes and tied them back with a purple ribbon, letting the rest flow over my shoulders and down my back. Doing my hair like this, I suddenly realized how long my hair was, about Seven inches past my shoulders, and remembered that I had not had a hair cut since before Edward... left. I shook off the thought and put on my Converse and grabbed my bag and put my cell phone in it in case Jake called. I hoped Jake didn't call.

I told Charlie I was going out for some fresh air for awhile and that I would be back soon. He didn't protest, just nodded as I walked out the door.

I gripped the wheel tightly the whole drive over. When I pulled up, I was sure everyone in the house could hear my pounding heart. I tired to steady my breathing, and I thought of Jake to give me strength. I needed to force myself through this so I could get past it all. I _had _to get passed it all... For Jake, if no one else.

I walked to the door, and it opened to show Alice beaming at me. "Bella!" She said and hugged me quickly. "Come, everyone is waiting for you in here..." She led me to the same room we had been in on my birthday. I felt like I might pass out when I saw the piano with Edward sitting in front of it. He was looking down at the keys, so before he could look up and find my eyes on him, I looked away and greeted everyone happily.

Esme hugged me warmly and Emmet playfully nudged me, which sent me stumbling into Carlisle who caught me and said,

"So I see nothing has changed?" I laughed and felt my nervousness melt away and be replaced with a feeling of belonging and joy, mixed with regretfulness. I knew who was responsible, so looked around and found Jasper standing aways back and he simply nodded in my direction. I smiled before turning to Rosalie who was now standing next to Emmet.

"Still driving that rust bucket, I see?" she asked.

"Yeah, I have a great mechanic..." My thoughts flew right to Jake and I glanced around and saw that Edward was still facing the piano, and I was thankful yet again that he could not read my mind. I wasn't sure what to say so I looked around for Alice and thought to myself, 'What now?'

"Actually, before we get started, I'm not quite ready for the main event of the night, so why don't you wait in here for just a second while I finish?" I nodded and she said, "Okay, everyone, I need some help, so come along!" As if it were an afterthought she added, "Oh, Edward, why don't you stay and keep Bella company?" I didn't have time to give her a dirty look because she and the others were gone in the next second.

I could feel him, the great immobile statue, not making a sound. I slowly faced him and was a little annoyed to see he still hadn't turned around. I was getting nervous again and I wished Jasper were here to give me a confidence boost or something. I fidgeted with my hair and pulled at my clothes. The only thing I could think to do was play it cool, and to act as if nothing was bothering me. I took a deep breath and walked over to him and stood next to the piano.

"Hello, Edward." He _finally _looked up. Just breathe! The emotional pain his name caused was nothing compared to physical pain I felt at being so incredibly close to him, when I had given up hope of ever seeing him again.

"Bella. How are you this evening?" He sounded so put together. I tired to sound the same.

"I'm okay. You?" I licked my dry lips and tired to speak calmly.

"I am well. If I may say so, you look breathtaking tonight." He was complimenting me. I rifled through my brain trying to think of some sort of normal reaction.

"You may." I gestured to the piano and said, "Why don't you play something? It feels like it's been forever since I heard you play..." I bit my lip because I had been trying to get past the awkward point, but I did nothing but make it worse.

"I... I don't... I haven't really..." He was staring at his hands, and I stopped him before he could tell me that he hadn't been playing. I didn't want to hear about how his wonderful idea for separation had effected him so badly.

"Just play something for me. Please?" I asked nicely, but I was sure that my emotions were shining through, even though I didn't want them to. He finally looked at me and for the first time that night I saw his golden eyes. I felt chills play over my skin, but I wasn't cold. It could have been that time had re-winded, and it was just now my Eight Teen'th birthday, and there was no more empty, hollow, black pain in my chest anymore. I wanted for that feeling to last more then words could ever describe. Without his eyes ever leaving mine, his hands began playing over the keys and a beautiful sound was now swelling within the room from the notes he struck.

It was something I had never heard him play, and I silently thanked him for that, because I didn't think I could handle it if I heard my lullaby. It sounded sad, but it wasn't depressing. It had a bit of cheerfulness in the rhythm, but it wasn't happy. It made me want to run away but I didn't want to miss a single second of it. I heard the pain, but the hope was evident. It felt like my feelings written in sheet music instead of words, and it was more descriptive then a thousand of them. I felt my eyes tearing up but I managed to choke them back. I couldn't cry while he was watching me.

I wasn't sure how long we looked at each other, but after some time he stopped and looked over to the door which had just been opened by Esme. She looked very touched but sad at the same time as she said,

"Edward, that was absolutely beautiful. I hate to barge in, but Alice wanted me to fetch you, Bella."

"Oh, yes. I'm coming." I started walking toward her even though my legs felt like jelly. When I made it to the door I turned and saw that Edward had not moved. "Are you coming?" I asked.

"Yes. Momentarily. I promise." I had about a million and one things to say to that but I just nodded and walked away. Esme put her cold arm around me and said,

"Don't look so sad, Bella. He hasn't played anything in _months_, and if I ever inspired something like that in a man, I think I would feel a bit more cheerful!"

"I didn't inspire that, I just asked him to play." I said in denial.

"Hmm, yes. If you say so. Here we are!" Oh, of course Alice over did herself. I shook my head but smiled anyways.

"What is all this for?"

The room was decked out in multi colored streamers and there was a three tire cake on the table.

Alice answered, "For our welcome back to Forks party! Of course you are the only person invited, so eat as much as you can!"

"Um, Cake, I think. I haven't had desert, and someone needs to eat it."

"Yes, I ordered it with strawberry filling on a hunch. Do you like strawberry?"

"You already know the answer to that, but yes, I do actually." I cut a nice size piece of and took a bite.  
"Yum, this is really good. Where did you get this?"

"Oh, I ordered it from a little bakery called the Cake Gallery. The lady who owns it is really talented. Do you like it?"

I mumbled "Umhum" through my third bite and swallowed before I asked, "Do you think I can take some of this home to Charlie? It's so good!" I was already feeling a little better now that I had some sugar in my system.

"Sure, like you said, someone needs to eat it!" Alice said.

"But he can't know we are in town. This needs to remain between you, us and the pack. Remember, we are trying to keep a low profile." Carlisle warned.

I nodded and made sure there wasn't any icing left on my lip and said, "Don't worry, I can keep a secret." Movement caught my eye, and I looked over to the door. Edward was finally here. "Well, thanks for everything, though I really wish you hadn't..."

Esme stopped me, "Nonsense! You are the only human we can spoil, so don't ruin our fun!"

For the next hour and a half we all socialized and caught up on what everyone had been doing. I was more then happy to see them all, but there was such emotional turmoil going on inside me that I could barely think of decent responses to the questions and answers. Jasper pulled Alice aside and not long after that and she was thinking of things for the others to go do. When it was finally just myself, Alice and Edward, I said to her,

"It's getting late, I think I should get going."

"Okay, well have a good night and call me if you need anything!" She hugged me and then left. I felt the tension building between Edward and I again.

"Well... I guess... Goodnight." I said without even looking up at him. When he didn't say anything I looked to see why and saw he was less then two steps away from me.

"Yes, it was." A good night? I almost laughed out loud. Yeah right! "Bella..." I looked back at him and listened. "I know this must have been hard on you. As little good I am sure this will do you, I do deeply apologize. It was never my intention to cause you any pain. I am sorry."

"It's fine, really. I'm fine."

"You are?" he questioned, and I thought I saw some emotion breaking through before he reeled it in.

"Yes, I am." I was ready to leave but he stalled me again.

"Before you go, I also wanted to thank you."

"For what?" I was confused.

"For getting me to play, I didn't realize how much I missed it until you reminded me..." Oh. The piano. He continued, "Would it be inappropriate if I gave you a hug?" I almost choked. Hug? As in, touch?

"Uhh, I... No. That wouldn't be. Inappropriate, that is. Yes, you can have a hug..." I wasn't sure what else to do or say so I opened my arms and walked forward a little. He met me in the middle and I tried to keep my chest from expanding too much from my rapid breathing when he put one arm around my upper back and the other hand at the small of my back. I was sure I could feel my heart beats echoing in his hollow chest considering how hard it was pounding. After about three seconds he stepped quickly away and turned his head. I wasn't sure what was happening now, so I decided once again that it was time to go, and was once again stopped by Edward.

"Would you permit me to see you home, safely?" I thought about how it might be a good thing, it would just be us and we could maybe talk about somethings, but I thought of being so close to him in the truck, and if Jake was around when I got home...

"I don't know, I..." He stopped me.

"Bella, I just want to make sure you make it home in one piece, okay?" I nodded and walked once more to the door. Edward quickly opened it for me and allowed me to walk out first. When we got to my truck he opened my door and closed me in. When he got in the passenger seat I said,

"You don't have to do that stuff, you know. It's not like we're..." I let that die...

"I am a gentleman, Bella. I can't help but treat you like the lady you are." I really didn't know what to say to that so I didn't say anything for a few minutes. "Can I ask you something?" he asked.

I gulped. "Yes."

"Will you tell the truth?"

"I always try to...What's the question?"

"What are you thinking?"

"Thinking? I honestly don't know. I don't know what to think!" That was the truth.

"What do you think about my being back in town?" he asked cautiously.

"Well, I'm glad you are back. I missed you... And the others, too." I added.

"Yes. They all missed you, believe me, I know." He smiled a small regretful smile. "And how about... About..."

"About what?"

"About..." he trailed off then said, heatedly, "I just wish I could see your mind! Then this wouldn't be so hard!"

"Yeah, but if you could read my mind, you never would have been interested in me for a second." I said knowingly.

"Thats not true, I find you very interesting. You fascinate me."

"Then why did you leave me?" Its slipped out there before I could stop it and I held my breath waiting on his response.

"Because I had to." he said quietly.

"No, you didn't. You choose to." I protested.

"Well then, I choose to, because I had to." I was tired of the word games. I glanced at him out of the corner of my and asked,

"Okay, then explain that to me. Tell me what you are thinking. The _truth._" I snapped.

"I've always been honest with you, I've only ever lied to you once!" he snapped back.

"About what? What did you lie about?"

"I don't want to get into that right now, it's not relevant!" He evaded.

"It is to me! I deserve to know! I never lied to you! Tell me!"

"It won't help anything..." He began.

"Why won't you just tell me? Did you lie about loving me?" I asked, and was surprised I was actually able to speak the words of my worst fear aloud.

"No! I lied about _not _loving you!" I slammed on the brakes and stared at him as he continued. "How could you ever believe that single, moronic, devastating falsehood?! I _did_ love you, I _do _love you, I will _always_ love you! When I told you that I didn't... You just excepted it! I could never figure out why you would believe that so easily! I drove myself half insane trying to stay away from you..." he was yelling but I interrupted.

"And for what? For 'my own good?'" I mocked. "You think you are something bad that I shouldn't have in my life, but that is my decision to make, not yours! And now look where we are! I can't seem to keep out of trouble even when you aren't here, so why in the hell did you put yourself through that? Why did you put me through that? Why?" Everything I had been holding in for months broke loose and I started swinging my fists at him in anger. It felt like I was punching a really smooth brick wall but I didn't stop. I knew I wasn't hurting him, but it was making me feel better. There was a point I was trying to get across as I slapped his face and said, "Damn you, Edward, you selfish bastard! Why?!" In the commotion, I had forgot I was driving and my foot slipped off the brake. The wheel veered off to the right as soon as my foot released it and aimed us for the ditch. Edward was suddenly right in front of me and I froze out of shock, but he was only stepping on the brake for me and grabbing the wheel.

"Maybe I should drive?" I didn't even say anything, I just turned and opened the door and jumped out. I was crying and my hands were shaking. My right hand felt okay but my left was aching from hitting him. I really shouldn't try that again anytime soon. I flexed my left wrist and popped my fingers, which hurt, but it felt better after a second. When I had taken a few deep breaths I looked around and saw we were still a little ways out of town and I knew Charlie was about to start worrying so I went back to the car and found Edward in the drivers seat.

"I'm fine, I can drive."

"No, I insist. You are upset... Please, just get in." I sighed and gave in. Might as well pick my battles. I walked around and got in and didn't say a word as he pulled off. After about a minute of silence I asked, "Don't you have anything to say?"

"What do you want me to say?"

"I want you to answer my question!"

"Which one?"

"All of them!" I yelled. I guess it was good that he was driving since I was already getting worked up again.

"Okay, you wanted to know why I did this to myself... Because I thought I could handle it. I thought I was making the right choice and that you would be better off for it. I would do whatever it took to make you safe and happy..."

"And why did you do this to me? If you wanted to make me happy, why did you abandon me?"

"To protect you from me, my family, and others like us! I knew you would feel pain and hurt but I know your kind is capable of moving on. I knew you would find someone else..."

"Yes, I did find someone else, but you have ruined me! I can't give myself to him like I should be able to, I can't open up, I can't even get over you! You have taken away any chance of happiness I ever had in life!"

This time, he slammed on the brakes.

"I did not! You will have a _life, _and that alone is something to be happy about! I am not going to suck the life out of you like some parasite for my own selfish reasons! And you can damn me all you want, but I am already dammed! My whole existence is against mother nature, as is our relationship, or lack there of! I'm giving you a chance, Bella, a chance to _live. _You are the lucky one, you still have time! I however, get to live in the shadows and watch the woman I love be with someone else, and then when your time is up, and your journey is complete, I will have to go on without any purpose because I had lost you... The only thing that matters... That is damnation. That is hell." He stopped and I was at a loss of words. His eyes snapped back to the road and he started driving once again.

"I'm sorry... I didn't mean to..."

"No, Bella. I am the one who needs to apologize for so many things. Not you." He sighed and shook his head. "I'm sorry I upset you, and started all of this, it was not my intention. I know we need to talk rationally and work all this out, but I think we should save that for another night, okay?" He finished as he pulled onto my street. I nodded and left it at that. When he parked I didn't make a move right away and neither did he.

"Well, I guess I will see you soon?" I asked.

"I guess you will." He stepped out and I watched as he flew around to my door and opened it for me. I got out too and he walked me up the sidewalk and stopped at the bottom of the stairs. I was searching for anything to say, but he got there first. "Have a good night, Bella." I tired to smile as I said,

"You too." I walked up the steps and turned to look back at him one more time and he was gone. I sighed and drug myself in. Charlie was still awake.

"Hey, where have you been?" was his greeting.

"I was just out."

"With who?"

"No one. I was by myself."

"You look like you have been crying."

"And so what if I have? I'm an adult, I can do whatever I feel like doing, okay?" I snapped. I tried to sound a little nicer and I explained, "Sorry, Dad, I'm just really tired, I've had a long day. But I am fine, everything is fine! So just get some rest and I will see you in the morning." He told me to have a good night and part of me wanted to say, 'I wish people would stop saying that' but I refrained.

I went right upstairs and got into the shower. I felt like I was contaminated. I knew that if Jake were here I would smell like them, and I didn't even want to think about trying to explain all that to him. I tired to let the heat relax my tense muscles but it really wasn't helping. I got out and hurried to my room since I was in a towel. It was chilly and I went straight to my chest of drawers and I hurriedly stepped into some underwear and pajamas. I was using my towel to dry my hair as I turned around and saw a huge shadow sitting in my rocking chair. I managed to stifle most my scream, but both feet left the floor despite my efforts to appear calm. I hurried to a lamp and gasped out a quite, "Jake!" when the figure was illuminated. He didn't say anything, he just looked at me. Uh oh. His hands were balled into tight fists and I could see that the strain of it was shaking him arms. I needed to calm him down before we talked or this would only end badly.

"Listen, I know you are mad, and I know I have some explaining to do... But before you hear me out can I ask you for one thing? Please?" There wasn't much of a physical change in his tense demeanor but he seemed to soften a bit. "Can I have a hug?" He simply nodded his head and I took that as an okay and I walked over to him and took his hands and pulled on him until he stood. When he straighted his back all the way I realized just how big he was now. I was sure this had to be his max potential. He was at least Six and a half feet and he was built better then he had ever been. He wasn't wearing a shirt so there wasn't much left to the imagination. I carefully and slowly rubbed my hands on him and tried to loosen him up some. After a minute of my caresses he stepped forward some more and let his fingertips touch my waist. I pulled my arms out from around his middle and stood on my tip toes and threw them over his neck and pulled him the rest of the way down so I could really hug him. I buried my face into his neck and breathed him in. I felt better already. I sighed and told him, "I missed you."

"Me too." Was all he said, but he finally responded and hugged me back. Now it felt perfect. Jake had both his arms wrapped around me and pressed to him as tight as he dared. He stood up straight but instead of breaking our embrace he just brought me up with him. The tops of my bare feet were pressed into his chins and my knees were resting at his mid thigh. My hips were pressing right into his and so were our chests. He nuzzled his head into my neck like a puppy and even made a little bit of a whine noise. I kissed his neck and made my way up to his lips and I said, "I know, I feel it too..." and I kissed him before hugging his neck again. I told him, "I wish I could just stay in your arms forever. Nothing hurts as much when I'm here." I tried to stop the tears, but they fell from my eyes and onto his chest anyways.

"Shh..." He pulled me up higher and I wrapped my legs around his waist and laid my head on his shoulder. He rocked me back and forth in a soothing pattern until my eyes were closing of their own will. I hadn't even noticed we were moving until I was being placed on the bed. I was aware for a moment and I clutched to Jake. Right when I was about to tell him not to leave he said, "I'm right here, baby. Go to sleep." I curled up with him without even getting under the blankets and I did.


	28. Chapter 28: Deprived

Chapter 28: Deprived

::Edward POV::

When Alice returned from Bella's I was scanning through her mind as soon as she was within reach. By the time she stood in front of me I knew everything that was said and I couldn't speak, I couldn't think; I just ran. I needed some _quite. _Rarely can I find a solace where I can hear only my own thoughts. There was one place here. It was sacred to me.

Our Meadow. I hadn't been in a very long time. I raced effortlessly through the trees. I smelled an animal nearby, and though I was a little thirsty, I didn't stop. I deserved to suffer as I tried to wrap my brain around the single most confusing but fascinating person I have ever met... The only woman I had ever loved... And lost.

The memory of her sitting in her rocking chair talking to Alice was burned into my memory for eternity. The sheer beauty radiating off of her was blinding, and I hadn't even seen her with my own eyes. I reached the Meadow and I stopped my thoughts. I should not be so selfish and think only of what I wanted to see. It was obvious she worn thin and she looked like she needed a solid day of sleep to take away the darkness around her eyes. I wanted more than anything to make everything better, to take out the darkness in her life that I had caused... But that was the one thing I could never do.

I laid in the center of the grass and replayed my memory of the time I brought her here. My eyes were closed and I was completely still. My head wasn't as crowded as Grand Central Station, so I actually felt a little peaceful and enjoyed visiting my own thoughts of her... Bella. This was as close to sleep as I will ever get.

It was strange how the time could a pass so fast when you were enjoying every last moment of something. Soon the moon was gone and the sun was peaking over the horizon. I didn't move.

When I opened my eyes a second time the sun was high above me and was slightly warming me. I still didn't move.

When it started sprinkling I decided it was time to get back to the world. I needed to know what had happened while I was away.

By the time I made it to the house, Alice was in full prep mode. I listened to what she was thinking and was immediately angered.

"What are you thinking, Alice? You can't bring her here!"

"What, do you think one of us is going to bite her for you? Don't worry, everyone will behave." She showed me a few glimpses of what she knew already and said, "See?" Like that would make me feel any better.

"This is exactly why I didn't want you all to come back! You are all acting like it's such a great thing that we are here, and that we will get to stay! But you are not going to!"

"Edward, you need to stop trying to control Bella's life! You, from now on, have no more say in what I do or don't do with Bella. Even if you decide to leave and never speak to her again, I don't want to do that! I can make my own decisions! Okay?"

"I'm not trying to _control _her life, I'm trying to make sure she gets to _have _one! Why can't anyone understand that I just want her to live?!" I shouted. I knew I was getting worked up and was about to lose my temper but it was just too tempting to be able to let some of it out. "I know what is best for her, and hanging out with vampires is not! I will eliminate anything or anyone who tries to get in the way of that!" I knew Alice was my one equal match, but I knew I could get her if I really tried.

"Oh, so now you are going to try to 'get' me? I swear, Edward Masen Cullen, if I wasn't as nice as I am, I would rip you a new one! As it is, if want to try it, go ahead, but don't think I will go easy on you just because you've gone and fallen in love and lost your mind along with it!"

"I have not lost my mind! I am the only one thinking clearly about this whole situation!"

"Ha! You haven't had one sane thought since you decided to leave her, and you know it!" She showed me a few older visions of where I had been after I had left Forks. I was about to lash out again until I felt a hand come down on my shoulder.

"Edward, come with me." Carlisle stated calmly. I sent one last seething look at Alice who stuck out her tongue like a child and went right back to planning that ridiculous party.

I scanned though Carlisles' thoughts and found they were relatively calm. He was the best of anyone at keeping things from me, but he eventually let it wander out and I would catch it. We made it to his office and he sat me down.

"Edward, I know you are stressed, but you shouldn't take things out on your sister. You know she loves you."

"Yes, and she knows I love her. However; that changes nothing. I still maintain that she needs listen to me when it comes to Bella, I only want to protect her."

"Son, I know you have her best interests at heart, but I think... I think it's time to let things unfold for themselves." I looked at him and started reading his thoughts again. He didn't want to say it out loud, so he thought it. (_I think it's a bit to late to worry about her being in danger around us. She is already involved... You see what happened when we left, and had she not had the help she does from the Wolves, she would be dead right now. Alice told me what she saw.) _He spoke aloud, "You know I think everything happens for a reason, and I think you should let yourself find out what that reason is before you decide to go running off again."

"Even if it could only ever end badly for her, you want me to just go along with all of this?"

"Since when did you develop the power to see the future? You don't know what will happen, not even Alice does. But what ever will happen, _will happen. _You can make one simple decision, and that one thing can effect a thousand other things, like a butterfly effect. I'm just asking you to try and ride this out, see where it goes. And please, talk to Bella. She needs some type of closer."

I nodded and then left. I went back to the woods and hunted this time. I needed to be overfilled if I was going to be seeing her again soon. As I made my too easy kills, I debated over what my Father had said. He had made a good argument, and if I was honest with myself, I wanted nothing more then to be able to stay and be with Bella. Even if she wasn't in love with me anymore, I felt so much better being as close to her as I was. I made my way closer to her house and listened for her heartbeat.

She must have been sitting, because it was a slow even beat. I heard the flip of a page and a scratch of a pen. She was doing her homework. I searched in vain for some thought, but there was nothing. I settled with just listening to her.

She got a phone call from the Jacob kid not to much later. She said she loved him... I felt very conflicted over that. Part of me was angry because she was _my _Bella, but then I knew that I had asked for this. I left her all alone, so of course she would find other options to move on to. I hoped she at least still loved me a little. As selfish as it is, I wanted her to still want me. I don't know why I would want her to keep hurting, but I don't think I could going on existing with out her love.

Alice called and invited her over while she was in the kitchen. I caught a glimpse of her through the sink window and felt my chest expand. If I could, I would have cried. Seeing her was like a gift from God to an undeserving person. She was a blessing.

I left after the conversation with Alice and went home. I stayed back and waited for her to arrive. No one bothered me, and I was thankful. If this was what being nervous felt like, I didn't ever want to feel it again. I was agitated and couldn't help but tap something. I needed to distract myself so I sat at the piano and put my hands over the keys and waited.

Blank.

There were no notes to play, no ideas, nothing. I had no more music left within me. I tired to remember the keys to a familiar tune Esme was humming in the other room, but I couldn't place them. I gave up and sat there, as if I was in time out, and waited.

I heard her truck before I heard her, but when she pulled up and shut the truck off, I could really hear how nervous she was. I couldn't help but smile. She was breathing quickly and her heart was pounding. I could already smell her and was having to ignore my instinct to take her life once again. She took a few deep breaths and walked up the steps. I looked at her through Alice's eyes and I almost gasped. She looked so simple in her comfortable clothes with her long natural hair flowing around her. So modest. Yet she was more seducing standing in the doorway with the light fading behind her then any other creature I had ever seen. I had been so utterly deprived of her it was like seeing her for the first time all over again.

When she walked in, I kept my head down and examined her from every set of eyes that were on her. When Emmet made her stumble I made eye contact with him and gave him the meanest look I could. He threw his hands up quickly in surrender and put them back down. I looked away before she saw me.

I closed my eyes and let my senses explore Bella for a moment. I matched my breathing pattern to hers filled lungs with her scent. It was mouthwatering. My attention was suddenly caught when I heard Alice say,

"Oh, Edward, why don't you stay and keep Bella company?" Like that wasn't her plan all along. My anger at her was drowned out because suddenly it was just Bella and I. Alone. I didn't know what she was thinking so I waited for her to say something.

"Hello, Edward." I closed my eyes and enjoyed the sound of my name on her lips even though I knew it must be hurting her after what she had told Alice last night.

"Bella. How are you this evening?" I forced my voice to sound calm and even, not betraying a hint of emotion.

"I'm okay. You?" She licked her lips and that plus her breath fanning gently around me made me lose my self for a moment.

"I am well. If I may say so, you look breathtaking tonight." Even though I had technically not looked at her myself, I knew it was true.

"You may. Why don't you play something? It feels like it's been forever since I heard you play..." She stopped and I could feel the pain in her words.

"I... I don't... I haven't really..." I looked at my hands and tried to explain that I couldn't but she said,

"Just play something for me. Please?" It was said calmly, but I heard everything behind it. She sounded close to tears. I couldn't have that. I finally forced myself to look up at her and when I saw her so close to me I knew that this must be what it felt like to have your breath taken away. She was stunning. I looked in her eyes and I felt something click into place. My hands began picking out the right notes as I turned Bella into sheet music. Nothing could ever be as beautiful as she, but this was at least a tribute to her. She was the missing link. My muse. I felt more love for her in the moment then I had ever felt for anyone. She had inadvertently helped me even when I did not deserve it.

All other noise in the house had stopped.

Esme had her hand placed over where her heart should be and was listening to every note. Carlisle was watching her and smiling while thinking, (_He's back.) _I would have to talk to him about what that meant later.

Emmet thought (_It's been awhile) _and elbowed Rosalie and wiggled his eyebrows at her. She rolled her eyes and thought, (_So what? Big deal.)_

Jasper and Alice were holding hands and looking into each others eyes. Alice was thinking, (_You are welcome, Edward!) _and I quickly left Jasper's thoughts alone, since he was thinking about what they had done last night when I was gone.

I wished I knew what Bella was thinking, but her eyes were like little windows that gave you hints as to what was going on inside. I could tell she was touched and she looked relieved too. I didn't break contact with her eyes because I never wanted to miss a second of being with her. I heard Alice tell Esme to bring Bella because it was getting to be too much so I stopped right when the door was open. Bella looked away but I studied her still. She walked away and I stared after her. She made it to the door before she turned and asked, "Are you coming?"

"Yes. Momentarily. I promise." Then she left.

"Don't look so sad, Bella. He hasn't played anything in _months_, and if I ever inspired something like that in a man, I think I would feel a bit more cheerful!" I heard Esme tell her, and I wished she would keep a few things to herself...

"I didn't inspire that, I just asked him to play." she denied. Did she honestly think that? Part of me wanted to tell her the exact depth of my feelings for her, but I just sat there.

"Hmm, yes. If you say so. Here we are!" I stayed behind a little longer and quickly wrote down the notes I had played. I had a perfect memory so I didn't have to, I just wanted to make sure I never lost something that was so special between us. When I was done I did as promised and went to where Bella was.

The chatter was pointless and so were everyone's thoughts. I ignored it. I had eyes only for Bella, and I was feasting on her while I could. She seemed a little to tense, and I wished this torture would end already. When everyone was finally being assigned off to their duties, I waited patiently for them to leave. When we were finally alone, it seemed there were so many things I wanted to say that I couldn't get anything out at all.

"Well... I guess... Goodnight." She wasn't looking, so I carefully walked over to her. When she looked up I froze and lied,

"Yes, it was." I needed to just say it... "Bella..." She looked expectantly at me. "I know this must have been hard on you. As little good I am sure this will do you, I do deeply apologize. It was never my intention to cause you any pain. I am sorry."

"It's fine, really. I'm fine." She was not telling the truth. At least that is what I hoped...

"You are?" I almost let my feelings show, but I quickly masked everything.

"Yes, I am." She was going to leave so I said,

"Before you go, I also wanted to thank you."

"For what?"

"For getting me to play, I didn't realize how much I missed it until you reminded me..." I let myself get caught up and I blurted out, "Would it be inappropriate if I gave you a hug?" I stopped my breathing and waited for her to answer.

"Uhh, I... No. That wouldn't be. Inappropriate, that is. Yes, you can have a hug..." I hoped I seemed self assured as I met her in the middle and very carefully placed on arm around her and one hand on her tiny back. I could feel the life throbbing through her shaking form and it was to much, I had to back away. I somehow held myself together and asked,

"Would you permit me to see you home, safely?" She thought about it, then seemed to think bad of it...

"I don't know, I..." I cut her off.

"Bella, I just want to make sure you make it home in one piece, okay?" She gave in and I quickly opened the front door for her. When we got to the car, I made sure she was in without even thinking twice about it until she said,

"You don't have to do that stuff, you know. It's not like we're..." I had done it again. I always seemed to make things harder on her...

"I am a gentleman, Bella. I can't help but treat you like the lady you are." I had to ask, because I had to know... "Can I ask you something?"

She gulped and her heart rate sped.. "Yes."

"Will you tell the truth?" I thought about telling her she had a built in lie detector that I could hear, but I didn't.

"I always try to...What's the question?"

"What are you thinking?"

"Thinking? I honestly don't know. I don't know what to think!" She was telling the truth, but it didn't make me feel any better. I tried Alice's approach and carefully asked her a question to prompt her.

"What do you think about my being back in town?"

"Well, I'm glad you are back. I missed you... And the others, too."

"Yes. They all missed you, believe me, I know." I still had to know if she still loved me. "And how about... About..."

"About what?"

"About..." I just couldn't bring myself to ask, I couldn't do that to her. She had a life now, and that was what I wanted. I couldn't help but grind out, "I just wish I could see your mind! Then this wouldn't be so hard!"

"Yeah, but if you could read my mind, you never would have been interested in me for a second."

"Thats not true, I find you very interesting. You fascinate me."

"Then why did you leave me?" As soon as she said the words both of our breathing stopped. I said quietly,

"Because I had to."

"No, you didn't. You choose to." She was being stubborn.

"Well then, I choose to, because I had to." I wasn't being as nice as I should, really...

"Okay, then explain that to me. Tell me what you are thinking. The _truth._" She snapped. I couldn't stop myself form saying,

"I've always been honest with you, I've only ever lied to you once!" and I regretted it the moment the words came out.

"About what? What did you lie about?"

"I don't want to get into that right now, it's not relevant!" Now she was never going to leave this alone...

"It is to me! I deserve to know! I never lied to you! Tell me!"

I tried again. "It won't help anything..."

"Why won't you just tell me? Did you lie about loving me?" The shock of her saying that to my face made me throw everything I had worked for out of the window and I yelled at her,

"No! I lied about _not _loving you!" She slammed on the breaks and looked at me and I continued with, "How could you ever believe that single, moronic, devastating falsehood?! I _did_ love you, I _do _love you, I will _always_ love you! When I told you that I didn't... You just excepted it! I could never figure out why you would believe that so easily! I drove myself half insane trying to stay away from you..." she interrupted.

"And for what? For 'my own good?'" She mocked. "You think you are something bad that I shouldn't have in my life, but that is my decision to make, not yours! And now look where we are! I can't seem to keep out of trouble even when you aren't here, so why in the hell did you put yourself through that? Why did you put me through that? Why?" Suddenly her tiny hands were all over me. I tensed at the closeness but I could feel her touching me and I couldn't help but enjoy it as she caressed me even though I knew it was out of anger and not love and said, "Damn you, Edward, you selfish bastard! Why?!" I heard her foot release the break and saw the wheel, abandoned by Bella, turn itself. I blocked out her touches and leaned closer to her so I could stop it before it went in the ditch. That seemed to startle her into silence and I asked,

"Maybe I should drive?" She fled from the truck and I slid into the drivers seat. I watched her as she worked her hands, and I was worried she might have hurt herself. I didn't think about what it would do to her if she hit me too hard and I wanted to run to her and examine her and make she was okay, but I knew I was not welcome at this point and time. When she came back she said,

"I'm fine, I can drive."

"No, I insist. You are upset... Please, just get in." I was glad she was actually listening to me. I sat in silence and tired to get a good look at her hands, until she asked, "Don't you have anything to say?"

"What do you want me to say?"

"I want you to answer my question!"

"Which one?"

"All of them!" She was already yelling again, and I knew I was making it worse, but she needed to get some of this out. I decided to answer every question honestly.

"Okay, you wanted to know why I did this to myself... Because I thought I could handle it. I thought I was making the right choice and that you would be better off for it. I would do whatever it took to make you safe and happy..."

"And why did you do this to me? If you wanted to make me happy, why did you abandon me?" Ouch. But I had my reasons!

"To protect you from me, my family, and others like us! I knew you would feel pain and hurt but I know your kind is capable of moving on. I knew you would find someone else..."

"Yes, I did find someone else, but you have ruined me! I can't give myself to him like I should be able to, I can't open up, I can't even get over you! You have taken away any chance of happiness I ever had in life!"

This time, I slammed on the brakes. How dare she? My mind was spluttering but my mouth was spewing everything that I felt but have never said to anyone, let alone her.

"I did not! You will have a _life, _and that alone is something to be happy about! I am not going to suck the life out of you like some parasite for my own selfish reasons! And you can damn me all you want, but I am already dammed! My whole existence is against mother nature, as is our relationship, or lack there of! I'm giving you a chance, Bella, a chance to _live. _You are the lucky one, you still have time! I however, get to live in the shadows and watch the woman I love be with someone else, and then when your time is up, and your journey is complete, I will have to go on without any purpose because I had lost you... The only thing that matters... That is damnation. That is hell." I knew I had probably scared her so I looked away and continued the drive to her house.

"I'm sorry... I didn't mean to..." I stopped her before she could make me feel worse then I already did and said,

"No, Bella. I am the one who needs to apologize for so many things. Not you. I'm sorry I upset you, and started all of this, it was not my intention. I know we need to talk rationally and work all this out, but I think we should save that for another night, okay?" She nodded and that was that.

"Well, I guess I will see you soon?" she asked.

"I guess you will." When I got out of the cab where I was being blissfully and tortuously drowned in Bella's scent I smelled _him. _The dog. Jacob. I walked her to the porch, but I didn't push it any further. I could hear his thoughts and he was on edge. I didn't want to make him mad and have him take it out on her so I simply said "Have a good night, Bella." Even though I knew I had probably ruined that too.

"You too." As soon as she turned I backed up into the shadows and watched as she walked to the door, turned and looked back, then went inside. I heard her little conversation with Charlie and was a little comforted that I wasn't the only male in her life that she confused the daylights out of.

I ran off until I was almost out of hearing range of Jacob's thoughts and heard him think I had left for good, but there was no way I was going to leave her unprotected with a rabid dog in her bedroom. I circled around and found a nice tree and I climbed up so I would have the high ground if anyone passed through, and listened to her take a shower.

After some time, I finally heard Bella gasp and I immediately made my way closer even though I knew he was sitting in her rocking chair. My chair. She talked to him and he did clam down a bit. I almost cursed when she asked for a hug, thinking he was going to rip her apart, but for some reason it worked. I couldn't help but scoff, "Humans..." Then she said,

"I missed you."

"Me too." And that was his brilliant reply. What a waste...

But now that his anger was fading, I had a real good look into some of his mind. He was a focused thinker, so not everything was always able to hear if he wasn't thinking about it enough. His emotions were very intense and overpowered some others. But right now, all he was thinking about was Bella. I greedily listened to him think about how much he loved to hold her and feel her body pressed to his as he finally gave in and hugged her back. He was being cautious with her, but not enough, he could still hurt her... Then he nuzzled her and whined like just like a dog, and she seemed to eat it up. I tried to block out what she was saying but the last part got my attention.

"I wish I could just stay in your arms forever. Nothing hurts as much when I'm here." My proverbial heart broke. She didn't want me... She wanted him, his arms, the ones that helped the pain... The pain that I gave her... He wrapped her up and rocked her like a child as she cried herself to sleep. When he laid her down she panicked, but when he said,

"I'm right here, baby. Go to sleep." her heart slowed and she quietened down and did. The overwhelming love he felt for her was almost suffocating my brain. I didn't know humans could feel so strongly... He was thinking of old times together with her and I watched as he turned the blank Bella I created back into a real, living, smiling person, and I grudgingly felt gratitude for him. Anything that made her happy would make me happy. I saw conformation of what I had first read from Sam's mind.

The pack sharing thoughts was interesting, and it helped me out by giving me all the thoughts just from reading one mind. I had hoped what Sam had vague mental images of weren't as bad as it seemed, but it was. He had taken her and spoiled her. Repeatedly. Not only that, but she liked it. I got to watch him reply a particular favorite of his of him and Bella after school on the couch. A _couch, _I mean, really. I felt like my insides were going to return everything I had put in them so I quickly fled.

I had to come to terms with some things like... That was that she was no longer My Bella. But Jacob's. Jake, she calls him. I went back to the Meadow for quiet time. As I settled in where I had been the night before, ready to think of Bella for awhile, I had a feeling I would be spending many nights out here.

::Bella POV::

The night I spent in Jake's arms, I got some of the best sleep I ever remembered having. He tried to slip away at dawn but I woke from a dead sleep when I was robbed of his body heat. "Jake..." I mumbled through my dry mouth. I worked it a little as he leaned back down and kissed my head and said, "I need to get going, but I will see you tonight. We have a date, remember?"

"Yes, but don't go, not yet. Please?" I begged. His eyes softened and he laid back in the bed and half on top of me.

"Woman, why do you do this to me?" He kissed my earlobe and then the beginning of my jaw line.

"What did I do?" I breathed. His lips trailed wetness along my neck and one of his hands had found my breast and was kneading it.

"You drive me crazy..." His hips ground into mine and he continued, "I'm in love with you, Bella. So in love with you."

"Well, that's good then. I'm pretty crazy in love with you myself..." I moaned a little when he bit at my neck. "Stop teasing, unless you plan on doing something about it..."

"All in due time... For now, enjoy what you can." Two things happened really fast. First, he got all the way on top of me then found both of my hands and slammed them back into the mattress. Next, he was kissing me. I felt my whole body responding and I kissed him back as much as I could. When he released my mouth and continued to kiss my neck I just let my mind go blank so I could enjoy every last second of his touches. I wanted to yank his clothes off but he was holding me back. I kicked my legs out from under him and wrapped them around his waist. I could feel how ready he was and I wouldn't let him pull his body away from mine when he tried. He finally kissed me again and let my hands go so he could cup my face and I took my chance. I ran my hands and nails along his back until I reached his waistband. I traced it to the front and went right for the drawstring he had tied to keep them up.

"Bella... No..." I jerked the cord and it unraveled like a ribbon wrapped on a present. Jake seemed to be getting his wits about him and was trying to get away again but I wasn't giving in yet. When hoisted himself up on his arms to push off the bed I yanked his pants as hard as I could and knocked him to the side of me. He was shocked still so I took advantage and leaped on top on him and began kissing and nibbling on him. I ground down my hips and moaned into his mouth. He finally managed to push me off to the side of him but could not detach me. My hand slid down and cupped him through his running shorts and he moaned and stopped trying to stop me.

He stilled and latched his lips onto my neck. I quickly slid my hand down his front and cupped as much of him as I could. His response was to suck on me a little and he held the skin he caught between his teeth. I started massaging the monstrous thing as much as I could and he stayed attached to my neck. My eyes closed on their own and even though it hurt a little it felt _so _good. I wrapped my hand around him and squeezed him hard. He slid an arm around me and grabbed the cleft of my backside and bite me some more. He pulled my leg up to his hip and reached further around and cupped me through my pajama shorts and we both started bucking our hips. I said, "Jake!" and he pulled on my neck with his teeth again and thrusted into my hand right as I arched my back and wiggled my bottom in his hand. Everything he was doing combined with the fact this was as much I had gotten out of him in way too long broke through everything and I shuddered right when he did. I had a small tremor of an orgasm and he exploded into my hand and his shorts.

He gasped and said "Shit!" before he jumped up. I was so shocked I didn't even try to stop him. He grabbed my towel from last night and handed me one end to wipe my hand on while he cleaned up some. "I'm... Really sorry. That was..."

"It's nothing to be sorry about, Jake, I pushed you. I shouldn't have done that..." I was lucky I didn't cause him to phase.

"You aren't... Mad?"

"No, not at all. I think we are both a little... deprived..." I stood and hugged him.

"That's an understatement." He hugged me back then said, "I really do need to go, now. But I'll see you tonight, I'm going to come pick you up around Seven, okay?"

"Okay, can't wait." He kissed me and said he loved me. "I love you too..." He kissed me goodbye once more before he leaped easily from my window and disappeared into the woods.

I laid back down in the bed but it felt cold and I couldn't sleep. I missed Jake already. I thought about what tonight would be like. He said he wanted it to just be us, and that sounded like something I really needed right now. I wished it was possible for us to really be together, but it wasn't... Not as long as Sam had his say. I sighed and drug myself out of the bed and started to get ready for school instead of wallowing.

When I walked to my closet to grab something to wear I realized I had no idea what I would wear to Jake's tonight. I suddenly had a mental image of me looking dressed up and stunning and... So not like me... I scanned my closet and saw... Nothing. He had seen me in all my raggedy old comfy clothes. I didn't have time to go out and buy something so I pushed it aside in my head and got dressed in my normal clothes since there really wasn't anything I could do about it. I didn't know anyone...

Then something clicked. I quickly grabbed my phone and dialed Alice's number.

"Bonjour!" her cheery voice chimed.

"Alice... Are you free anytime this afternoon?"

"Of course. Are you in need of my assistance?" She asked as if she didn't already know. Before I could reply she said, "I see what you need, and you can tell me what all this is for later. I'll pick you up right when you get home from school. Ta ta!"

I really hoped I wasn't going to end up regretting that.


	29. Chapter 29: Revelations

Chapter 29: Revelations

::Bella POV::

I was in a state of high anticipation for the rest of the day. All the kids in my class seemed to be getting more and more out of hand the closer we got to graduation. Most of the teachers had given up trying to get them to sit down and study for the exams that were next week, which meant the Eleventh of June was right around the corner. Now that I was looking at graduation from this close, it made me think about how much time had passed, and how many changes were about to happen. I was looking forward to having no school, but I also felt like I was about to come to a screeching halt. Where was I supposed to go from here?

My train of thought was broken when Angela came and sat beside me in my last class, Chemistry.

"So what are you doing this weekend?"

"Not to much. Why?"

"Well, I was thinking of having a study group on Saturday, just to help prepare, and I thought you would like to come!"

"Who all will be there?" I asked while eying Jessica and Lauren. She seemed to know what I meant and said,

"So far, it will just be me, Ben, and you. I don't think anyone else really cares at the moment..." As if to prove her point, Mike ran by chasing Tyler with a Twizzler and he hit both of us on the head with it as he passed by.

"That actually sounds good. What time do you want me to come over?"

"I'll call you, okay?" After that was settled, I watched the clock and tapped my fingers waiting on the bell to ring. When it finally did I was the first out of my seat and I made my way swiftly through the halls and to my truck. As soon as it was started I felt my phone buzzing in my pocket and I answered it quickly.

"Just come on over, Bella! Everything is ready!" I told her I would be there soon as I headed that way. On the drive over, I thought about the one thing I hadn't thought about at all... Edward. He was bound to be there today... And I hadn't had anytime whatsoever to process the things he had said, let alone deal with them. I remembered the conversation we had in this truck the night before and I felt myself getting chill bumps. He said he loved me...

But what sense did that make? If you loved someone, you didn't leave them all of the sudden for no reason, right after you promised you wouldn't ever... I felt tears springing in my eyes and I tried to blink them away quickly. As futile as it was, I didn't want to shed any more tears over him. I knew I would, but no more then necessary. I was not sure I was going to be able to do this...

I needed a Plan. I thought it would be best if I just pretended nothing happened at all. So what if he 'loves' me. It's obviously not as much as I love him, and I could never put myself in a situation to get hurt that much ever again. With Jake, I had nothing to worry about. With Edward... I had to keep my guard up. I could never again let him know how much power he has over me... The thought of seeing him so soon had me stopped halfway along the Cullen's driveway. I sat in silence for a minute, contemplating backing out before my phone rang.  
"What, Alice?"

"Don't make me come get you and drag you in here! Listen, he isn't here, okay? Get up to the house, everything will be fine! Come on!"

"Fine! I'm coming!" I gave in and sped up to the house. When I made it inside I asked, "So, he isn't here?"

"Nope, he is out and will be back later this evening. I am planning on having you gone before he gets here, but Bella, you have to remember there are no secrets with Edward. Sooner or latter, he will find out. You need to stop worrying about the things you can't change, and worry about the things you can. Like your hair... What are you going for, child? Have you ever heard of a hair cut? Or at least some _layers." _

As she pulled me up the stairs to her bedroom I picked up a stray lock of my hair and said, "I kinda like my hair long..."

"Well, the length is okay, but you need it to frame your face not hide it. And we could always try some bangs..." She had sat me down at a huge vanity in her bathroom and had me facing the mirror as she played with my hair, trying to decide what would look best.

"No, no bangs. Layers, yes. Frame, fine. Bangs, no."

"Alright! You win, but I have final say in what you get to wear!" I was going to argue but she gasped and asked, "What is this?" She was pointing right at the bite mark Jake must have left this morning... I had forgotten about it since my hair kept it covered and she said, "I'm sure I can find something to cover it with."

"No, I don't want to cover it. I don't mind, it's just a hickey." I felt like I had been marked by Jake as his and I didn't want to hide it.

"Okay, If you say so." She changed the subject and asked, "Where are you going again? It's really fuzzy, if you know what I mean?"

Oh yeah. "Well, uh... I actually have a date. With Jake. I wanted to ya know..." I looked down at my hands and twisted my pearl ring back and forth a little, "Look... Pretty? I don't know..." Alice slid in the bench seat next to me and said,

"Bella, you are pretty. You don't need me to help you with that. But I can defiantly help you find something nice to wear." I smiled and asked,

"Do you have anything that will fit me?"

"Oh yes. Come with me." She took my hand and led me down the hall and to another room I hadn't been in before. "This is my second closet. It's for all the clothes I buy for other people, since I only have room for some of my clothes in my first closet." When she opened a door I expected to walk in to a bedroom, but the room _was _a closet. I looked around at all the drawers and shelves lining the walls along with rows and rows of clothes folded and on hangers. Everything was separated and Alice seemed to know exactly where she was going as she led me through a maze of clothes and shoes and handbags. I felt like I was in a small boutique!

"Now this is a walk in closet." I said appreciatively.

"Yes, I have to have a lot of room! Okay, here are your clothes!" I looked at a large selection and questioned,

"My clothes?"

"Yes, these are all the clothes I have bought for you! When I go shopping I will always picture what someone would look like in something, and if I like it, I get it! Sometimes when I would miss you a lot, I would go shopping for you and it would make me feel a little better seeing you dressed up instead of so..." She stopped and moved on quickly. "But before we do anything else, we have to know what you are going to wear! What were you thinking? Dress? Skirt?"

"Um, dress, I think. Nothing fancy, just nice and casual. Light wight, but not overly showy. I'm going for pretty, not hooker."

"Got it. That would mean no stripper boots, and I guess you won't be needing the double sided tape, then?" She smiled and I gave her a mean look. "Just kidding. See if there is anything you like! It is all your size, and I am pretty sure you'll look great in any of it!"

I decided to go for it and I was actually happy with what I found. Anything I thought might be an option I pulled off the rack and handed it to Alice, while she perused quickly and picked out a few also. When I was done I was surprised to see I had picked out about seven or so dresses and I exclaimed, "Alice! I can't believe you bought all of this!"

"Well, at least it's finally being used! Come on, you need to try these on!" She let me to a corner where there stood a room divider that was obviously used to change behind. When I was on the other side, I stripped down to my undies and slipped into the first dress Alice handed me. When it was on I walked out to the mirror so we could both look at it from all angles.

This was a sleeveless white dress with a few bright flowers adorning the bottom with a scrunchy top. I had to keep pulling it up a little, since my cleavage wasn't large enough to hold it all the way on. I wasn't sure about this one and I looked to Alice to see her looking at something I couldn't see. She said,

"Nope, not this one. You will end up spilling something on it, I am sure. Try this one!" She threw me another one and I quickly switched and walked back out to the mirror.

I was now in a topaz colored dress that had little white beads sewn into a small design around the 'v' neckline. It was a really thin material, and it seemed to be skin tight. I could feel it hugging my hips and butt and thighs a little too snugly, even though it was the right size. "I think this one is too tight."

"It's not what you are looking for. Try this!"

I caught a purple one that was made of a very soft cotton. It had a collar at the neck but was made to lay open, exposing the neck and collarbone and a little amount of cleavage. It came almost to my knees and when I spun around in front of the mirror I decided I liked the way it fit. It had small sleeves and two small pockets (just for show, not for use) at my waist line. I told Alice I liked it so she draped it over the divider and gave me another to try on.

I was now in a black and white candy striped spaghetti-strapped dress. It was cute, but kind of plain, and it billowed out at the bottom, like it could get caught and blown up in a breeze. Alice made a face like she had smelled something foul, and I shook my head. This wasn't the one.

The fifth dress I tried on was a light pink shade with a little black ribbon tied in a bow to the side around the middle. It had a bit of a plunging neckline, but the sleeves and the fit were comfortable. This one was put with the purple one and I was already putting on the next one.

This was a bright one, with lots of colors. It had a built in undershirt at the top and it was made to look like a shirt and bottom had been sewn together. Both Alice and I decided I was going on a date, not to a circus. This one was thrown in the floor while Alice said, "I don't even remember why I bought that!" And forgotten.

When she handed me another dress I said, "Okay, last one!"

When I first put it on, I noted the dress itself felt... Sexy. It was silky and forest green. It made me want to go into the woods with Jake... White lace peaked out from the hems and some was also filling the gap between my breasts were the neckline ended, covering what would have been exposed but was now hidden behind the almost diaphanous material. That added a nice feminine touch and I loved the feel of it on. It hugged my curves perfectly, and as I ran my hands along my waist and stomach I could almost see what this would make Jake do. Before I had even stepped out to the mirror Alice said,

"This is the one."

"How do you know, you haven't seen it yet?"

"I knew it was the one before you tried it on."

I stepped out and said, "You know I would pick this one?" She nodded. "Then why did you make me try on all those others?"

"What? Did you not have fun?"

"Well, yes. But I mean, it's already after Five, I need to get a move on!"

"Alright, well slip that off and lets go get the rest of you ready!" I hurriedly dressed in my clothes as I head Alice say,

"I'm going to go get you some shoes to wear with this really quick, but feel free to look around!" I heard the swoosh of air and then she was gone. Once my shoes were on I walked over to a huge dresser and opened the first drawer out of curiosity.

It was full lingerie. I gasped and slammed it shut really quickly, before I slowly opened it again. I carefully picked up one with the tips of my fingers and gasped. Was it supposed to cover _anything? _

It was black and red and had white fluff lining it. I held it up by the straps and gave it a confused look. The lace was very much see through and the silky parts seemed to small to properly cover anything. Right when I picked up another garment Alice said from behind me,

"I hope you aren't thinking of wearing that!" I jumped like I had been caught with my hand in the cookie jar and I turned around. She asked, "Have you ever worn anything like this?" I shook my head no and quickly dropped what I was holding back in the drawer. "It is actually quite nice. All of this is new, so feel free to take something!" She started to leave and I followed. I didn't think I needed anything like that.

After we had my outfit decided upon, she started with my feet and put them in a personal foot spa. While my feet were soaking she quickly picked out the perfectly matching nail polish to be applied to my fingers and toes. I was feeling great about everything until she unzipped a black pouch and pulled out a pair of scissors. I felt a little trepidation and said,

"Do you think we need to cut my hair? I think it's fine..."

"Shh, you are getting a hair cut!" I didn't say anything else, I just let Alice show me what she wanted to do. I was enjoying the foot spa and the feeling of her cold hands running through my hair kept reminding me of Jake and how he rubs my head... I was about to fall asleep sitting there when someone knocked at the door. Alice said, "Rose!" and quickly opened the door for her. I was immediately sitting up straight and paying attention.

"Having fun?" Alice answered her automatically but I was too caught up looking at Rosalie's eyes through the mirror to really hear her. She was staring dead at me. It wasn't a threatening or even a mean look. She was just.... Looking. She looked as beautiful as she always has. My eyes shifted away first. I was shocked when she came over to the vanity and faced me. She picked up the nail polish and asked, "Is this your color?" I said,

"Yeah," trying not to sound nervous. She shook the bottle lightly and walked over to where my right hand was resting and leaned over it. She carefully opened the bottle and then smoothly painted my index fingernail in three strokes. When she was done and moved on the the next one and said,

"Well, Bella, I'm just going to come right out and ask it..."

"Rosalie! Shh!" Alice snapped. I looked between them, trying to understand and said,

"No, it's okay... What do you want to know?"

"I want to know how you feel, really feel, about Edward."

"Why would you want to know that?" I asked. That was personal...

"Because no one else knows what to think. I guess you can say I'm just curious."

I thought about that for a second and said, "Well, why don't you ask Alice? I'm sure she knows."

Hesitantly, Alice said, "That's not true. Lately, everything I see with you is blurry. A lot of times, I don't see anything at all. And besides, I can only see your decisions and the results, not what goes on in your head. That's Edward's job. So I think Rose is right when she says no one knows what you are thinking."

"Oh." I really didn't know what to say to that. I was trying to think of something to say... A way to explain... But I just kept feeling like I would be talking to Edward inadvertently, and my Plan to act like nothing was wrong would go right out the window. "To be honest, I don't really know how I feel. I'm really confused."

"Well that sure cleared everything up." Rosalie said sarcastically.

"Don't be mean, Rose." Alice said.

"No, she's right. It doesn't clear anything up. The only thing I really know for sure is that I have someone who loves me, and I love him. I do still love Edward, and I think I always will, even though parts of me I wish I didn't... But I don't think I could ever risk getting hurt like that again..."

"And what about this new guy? Who's to say he won't hurt you?" I felt all my defenses raise to full mast and I shot off,

"He won't! Jake would never leave me." Without remembering what I was saying would be heard by Edward eventually. "He _loves _me."

"Be that as it may, you never know what could happen. You have really nice nails." She said as she switched and started painting the nails on my left hand. The sudden change in topic had me a little confused so I didn't say anything as I tried to clam down my thumping heart and shaking legs. Even tough my feet were still soaking in warm water, it might as well have been ice cold. I was so caught up in my conversation with Rosalie that I didn't even watch as Alice quickly but efficiently cut my hair into a better shape until she said,

"Done!" My eyes snapped to the mirror and I felt relieved. It was nothing major. My hair was still the same length (minus some dead ends) but the sides fathered out around my face and I could tell it did look better. I swallowed and said,

"Wow, Alice! It looks great, really." She finished styling it right when Rosalie was done with my nails. Alice tried engage us in conversation several times as she removed my feet from the spa and toweled them off, but I wasn't paying much attention. Rosalie was still watching me like she was waiting for something and finally I couldn't take it,

"Just spit it out. I know you have more questions, and I would rather get it all out of the way now. Just say it." Alice had paused with the paint brush a few inches from my foot and looked like she was watching something we couldn't see. She gave Rosalie a look and then quickly slid the bottle of polish under the brush with her other hand to catch a drop that was falling.

"Okay. I still don't understand you. You say you love this little boy, yet you wear the ring he gave you on the wrong finger! Why is that?"

"Why does it matter what finger I wear it on? He didn't ask me to marry him when he gave it to me, so it wasn't meant to be an engagement ring! We aren't trying to rush into something we're not ready for, and I am in no place emotionally to even think about getting married! _Married!" _ I scoffed at the word. "What's the big deal about being _married, _anyway?"I asked. Alice started to say something but Rosalie cut her off.

"Marriage is a huge deal. It's making the biggest promise of all to the one person you will love for the rest of eternity. Can you honestly say you have ever felt a love like that?"

"Yes, I can!"

"With who? Who?" I shook my head as if I was trying to deny the question but she repeated, "WHO?" I jumped up and shouted at her,

"BOTH! I love them both!"

"Wrong! You can't be in love with two people! It's one or the other!"

"Do you think I don't know that? Do you think I wanted this to happen?"

"Well, you made your own decisions!" she snapped. I had more to say but Alice jumped up and said,

"Enough! Rosalie, it is not your place to say things like that! And Bella, she doesn't mean anything by it, you just have to take her with a grain of salt." She looked at Rosalie who finally huffed and said,

"Fine, I'll butt out. Sorry, Bella." She slid out of the room and I burst into tears. I covered my face and sobbed while I thought about what she said. Alice brought me tissues and I said,

"You think she's right?"

"What do you mean, sweetie?"

"I'm just reaping what I've sown! I'm getting what I asked for! I tried to salvage what little bit of a life I had left and even when I thought I was making the right choices, in the end it was all wrong!"

"No, it's not wrong! There are no right or wrong decisions, just different outcomes and consequences. Listen... Are you happy with him, honestly?"

"Yes." I answered through trying to dry my eyes.

"Then what is wrong about that? Don't dwell on what could have been or what you think you should have done. Be thankful for what you have, and don't let anyone take that away from you! You are an adult now, Bella, you can make up your own mind. If being with Jake makes you happy, go be with him. Let the pieces fall where they may."

"You don't think it's wrong that I am with him? Even though I'm not over..." I let my sentence die...

"What I think doesn't matter here, honey. It's up to you. What do you think?" She sat me back down and continued to paint my toe nails and I thought out loud,

"I think with Jake, I am safe. I feel like he is getting the raw in of the deal because I am so messed up... But he doesn't seem to mind. With... Edward..." I looked into her golden eyes and felt like I was speaking to him for a moment, "Even if you do love me, you could leave me again..." I blinked and cleared my throat and said, "I mean, 'he.' Not 'you,' sorry."

"It's okay, I understood. Bella, may I make a suggestion?" I nodded and she said, "Lets pretend we weren't interrupted, and go back to getting you ready for your date, okay?"

"Even though I know I can't keep pretending forever, sure, why not." I still felt like there was a tornado whirling through my head, but I knew the only thing that would help me was the one thing I was trying to get ready for...

My toes where done in another minute and while they were drying she started pulling out little brushes and tubes and things. "What color should we do your eyes?"

"Um, I don't know, I never wear make up..." She didn't say anything and seemed to make up her mind and told me to close my eyes. I could feel my nerves getting the better of me again and I started worrying about how I would look when it was all finished. I didn't say anything though, because she was now shellacking something onto my lips. When she was done she turned my chair away from the mirror and handed me my dress and some black flip flops to go with it.

"Put this on then you can look in the mirror and see the whole package! I won't peak!" And she covered her eyes with her hand.

"Alice, it's okay. We are both girls..."

"Well, I don't want to freak you out or anything, but Edward can see what I have seen..." Oh, well in that case... I hurriedly slipped into the dress and shoes and said,

"Done!" She beamed at me when she looked up and turned me to look in the mirror. I was a little shocked at first, because I wasn't used to looking so... Nice. I was still nothing compared to Alice's beauty, but I didn't look as out of place standing next to her as I usually felt. My hair was perfect and even though I felt like the make up was a bit much, it looked good. My eyes were dark and smoky and my lips were full and slightly darker. My legs were really pale but it seemed to contrast nicely with the dark green material and nail polish. I was even happy with the shoes. I smiled at her and said,

"Really, Alice... Thank you so much." She laughed and said,

"Any time! Now just one last thing..." She reached for something on the vanity and when I saw her raising up a small bottle I said,

"No! No perfume! Trust me... I don't need it." She looked a little confused and I said quickly,

"Well, I need to go. Thanks again." I gathered up the clothes I had worn over as she said,

"No problem, and call me later, I want to know how it went!" I agreed and made my way down the stairs and through the house. I was almost to the front door when I heard a sharp intake of air, like someone had been startled. I heard a whisper right after and I turned and gasped when I saw Edward. He was standing in the doorway to the room where he piano is and he looked as perfect as ever. I said, "Hi..." and he took a second before saying,

"Good evening." I couldn't think of anything else to say as I stared into his eyes. He walked slowly into the room and closer to me and said, "You look... Spectacular." I looked down and then back up at him and felt my face heat up.

"Thank you..." He made his way over to were I stood, not even a foot from the front door. When he was within arms reach he stretched out his hand to brush back some of my hair. I froze but my heart rate doubled and when I felt his cold fingers tracing the love mark Jake left on my neck my eyes fluttered a little of their own accord. He traced an invisible line around it and asked,

"Why did you let him ruin you?" My eyes snapped to his and I tried to figure out how he knew... Alice warned me that he would always find out, but I hoped that he hadn't learned about _that _yet.

"H-How..." Was all I was able to form before he said,

"It's okay, you are still perfect to me." I was trying to wrap my head around what he had said when he suddenly came at me and I felt his frozen lips pressing against the sensitive skin on my neck. I gasped and stepped away, out of his reach. This was wrong. This was not what I wanted to happen.

I turned away fled from the house without a backward glance. I hopped in my truck and was soon spraying gravel as I slammed on the gas and fishtailed out of there. The clock on my dash read 6:23 and I hoped that Jake wouldn't mind if I showed up on my own instead of waiting for him to come get me. I drove with the windows down to try and air myself out. I was sure that now even my skin smelled like Edward, and that Jake would be able to tell.

I was pushing my truck to limit, driving as fast as I was. I could hear the roaring engine and I slowed down to relieve some of the stress. My hands were gripped so tightly to the wheel I was losing some feeling in my fingers. I cursed Edward for doing that and I cursed myself for not just leaving when I had the chance. I made it to Jake's before I really had time to get my head on straight and I tried my best to hold myself together. It helped that I knew I was about to see him and that everything would be okay when I was with him. I looked in the rear view mirror at my reflection and was a little glad that I still looked okay. I ran my hands over my hair and smoothed my dress and made sure there wasn't anything on my teeth. I decided wearing make up took way to much time and effort, and would be reserved for special occasions only. I grabbed my bag and dug around in the bottom before I gave up dumped it out in the seat and finally found what I was looking for; Germ X. I'd rather smell like antiseptic then vampire, thank you very much. After rubbing some on my hands I wiped some on my neck where Edward's lips had touched me...

Some of the emotions that I didn't have time to get to started to bubble up, but I shoved everything back down into an imaginary box and shut it. I would not let anything spoil this night with Jake. The clock now read 6:35 and I knew I couldn't wait any longer. With the lid fitted tightly on my personal Pandora's Box, I stepped out and adjusted myself then quickly made my way around to his back door.

When I passed by the kitchen window I heard loud laughter and I stopped as I tried to identify who it was. I defiantly heard Jake and another female. Instead of going to the door and knocking, I walked further into the back yard to Jake's garage and slid into the dark cover. I had thought it would just be us, and I didn't really want anyone else to see me dressed up like this, it was only meant for one person... I glanced out of the window and looked in the driveway at the car I somehow missed on my way in. I vaguely recognized it form somewhere, but I couldn't place it. I decided I would wait here and surprise him when he came out to get in his car, and hopefully by then I would know who the mystery woman was.

I'll admit I felt a little jealous at the thought of him hanging out with another girl, but I knew it was Jake and that he would never do anything wrong by me... Unlike myself, with Edward... Box. Lid. _Shut. _I blocked those thoughts and re-directed them down a new path.

I realized Charlie would be home by now and wondering where I was. I quickly called the house phone and left him a message telling him where I was and not to worry. Then I waited...

I was starting to get fidgety, standing in the dark like some crazy stalker, and wished for Jake to hurry up. Thankfully, I soon heard the laughter again and muffled words. I looked out of the window again and breathed a sigh of relief. It was Emily. She must have been helping him... I was glad I had kept my cool and not jumped to conclusions. This was just one more thing to show how much of a good guy he actually was. I felt my heart swell and when he stepped into sight it took all the will power I had left in me to keep from busting out of the door and hugging him as tight as I could. He gave her a quick hug before she got in her car and drove off. I was thankful he couldn't see the road from here, or my truck would have given me away.

After he watched her drive off, he turned and walked straight towards me and I noticed him twirling something in his fingers. It was one pink orchid. I noticed that with his quick steps he would be in front of me in about three seconds and I backed up until I bumped into the side of his car and I stayed there, propped up. When he opened the side door and the light flooded in I said the first thing I thought of, which was "Surprise!" He was defiantly startled but once he really looked at me I had the tremendous pleasure of watching his eyes pop and his mouth hang open slightly. After he had a moment to collect himself he cleared his throat and made his way over to me like a sleep walker.

He didn't say anything when he stood in front of me, hovering more like... He raised the single flower and handed it to me without a word. I sniffed it lightly and smile my thanks at him. There was so much I was bursting to say but nothing seemed to be able to make it's way out. That was fine with me, however, when Jake reminded me that there were plenty of other things you could do with lips, and kissed me. It was not a sexually heated kiss, or even a lust-filled one. It wasn't rushed or quick, it was rather slow and sweet. It was the sort of kiss that made you feel weak and dizzy. When he added a hand to my back and the other to my exposed neck, I involuntary moaned. That seemed to trigger something in him and he suddenly had me crushed between him and his car. I wrapped my arms around his waist and slid myself up against him as he deepened our kiss. After he had throughly claimed my mouth he began to pepper my face and neck with butterfly kisses and in between those he spoke the first words of the evening,

"Bella... You look... So amazing... Taste... So delicious... Love you..." His lips found mine again and he seemed to be confirming what he said without his words with a, "Mmmmmm!" rumbling from his throat. I kissed him back and answered with a "Ummhumm" of my own. He started to pull back but came in for one more kiss. When he released me once again I made a noise of protest and pushed up onto the tips of my toes and captured his lips for one more, still. When he finally detached me he had a familiar, one sided grin on his face and I asked,

"What are you smiling about?"

"Nothing." He took my free hand and led me to the house. While we were walking I said,

"Thanks again for the flower." He smiled and wrapped his arm around my shoulders so he could pull me in and plant a kiss on the top of my head. It was a sweet gesture and I was enjoying the feeling of being held even though we were walking. When we made it inside, I immediately breathed in the smell of garlic and other Italian spices wafting through the kitchen.

"Did you cook?" I asked, a little bemused.

"Well, kinda... Emily helped, and I well, I helped her..." I kissed his stubbly cheek and said,

"This is sweet, really. It's nice not having to cook."

"No problem. Here, sit..." He pulled out my chair and tucked it in for me, then went and made us both a plate. It was a simple Three Meat and Cheese Lasagna with garlic bread sticks and salad on the side. Jake sat right next to me, and we shared bites and traded touches throughout our delicious meal. The mis-matched candles illuminating gave everything a subtle romantic hint along with the single flower that was now in a vase in front of me.

"This is great, Jake, really. Nice and quite... Just what we needed." I could tell he felt the same. I tired to help with the dishes but he refused so I gave in. When that was done, he asked,

"Wanna go for a drive?" I shrugged and said,

"As long as I'm with you, I don't care where we go." He laughed and beckoned me over to where he stood, propped against the counter. I went and let him kiss me again before we headed back out to his car.

"Where are we going?" I asked when he was in and buckled and backing out of his driveway.

"I thought you didn't care?" he joked. "Nowhere in particular, is there somewhere you wanted to go?" I shook my head and scooted over so I could sit right next to him. He slid one hand onto my leg and squeezed lightly. His fingertips brushed against my bare knee and rubbed my leg slightly and shifted the fabric out of the way so he could feel my skin.

"I know I said so earlier, but you do look amazingly beautiful tonight. Where did you get the dress?" He sounded light and casual but I could the underlining tension in the question.

"Actually, Alice got it for me. She's the one who did all this..." I said, gesturing to myself. When he didn't say anything I continued, "She is happy for us, you know? She's glad I'm with you because she knows you make me... Better."

"I don't think so. They all want you for themselves. But I am not going to give you up." He stated firmly, and his hand squeezed my leg tightly. I rubbed his arm and said,

"Don't go thinking like that again. Why won't you just listen to me?"

"Do you love me?" he asked out of no where.

"Yes, I do." I replied without hesitation.

"And do you still love him?" I had to remind myself to keep breathing for a moment before I said, after only a slight pause,

"Unfortunately, I do still feel very... Attached." I guess being forced to talk about as much as I had been made it a little easier to say it. I felt a little better being able to finally confide that in him, but I also felt the pain it was causing him.

"See, I am listening. I hear what you are saying, and I know what you mean. I'm not stupid."

"I didn't say you were! I just don't understand why I have to keep trying to convince you that you are the one I want to be with! I'm here! I am right here!"

"Because you want to be, or because I asked you to be?" I looked at him in shock and asked quietly,

"Do you really not know the answer to that?" I slid closer to the passenger side door and pushed his hand off my leg. Even after everything, he still didn't believe that I wanted him, and I was running out of ideas on how to prove it. "What can I do to show you, once and for all, that I'm yours?" He answered without a moment of hesitation,

"Marry me." My mind came to a halt and I worked my mouth but nothing came out. I needed something to do so I looked out my window. I was so caught up in our conversation that I didn't notice we had stopped at the beach until he turned off the ignition and all that I was able to hear was our breathing and the crashing waves outside. I wasn't sure how to react to that and when he said, "Say something, Bella," the only thought I had was,

"Why?" and it slipped out before I could catch it. At first, I thought I had made him mad because he got out of the car, but he walked over to my door and opened it so I could get out. I looked up at him to gauge how he was doing, and he seemed to be completely in control.

"Come with me..." He took my hand and led me up the same trial we went up the day he brought me here and gave me his mother's ring. As we ascended, I looked out at the sea and watched as the last few rays of light disappeared. The darkening sky was crowded with menacing clouds and I even saw a bit of flashing light in the distance. While I wasn't looking, my foot caught on something and I lunged forward but Jake had a hold of me, so I thankfully didn't fall. Once he was sure I had my footing, he bent down and swept my legs out from under me and started carrying me.

"You don't have to carry me..." I said even as I wrapped my arms around his neck so he wouldn't put me down. He didn't even slow his steps as he continued right on his way as if he wasn't supporting another person in his arms. When he made it to the top he stopped and began to lower me to my feet. He let his hands wander over my body as he straightened up and said,

"Before I tell you why I think you should marry me... I want to know why you wouldn't. What would stop you?"

"Honestly, my Mom is one major factor. And my Dad wouldn't be to thrilled... He'd probably think I was pregnant..."

"But that's not what I mean... I don't care what other people think, and I know you don't either. I mean what causes you to clam up as soon as I even mention it? Like the other day in your truck... You just brushed it off... Is it something you don't want?"

"No, I do want to get married, some day... I just don't think now is the best time for me to be making those kind of promises. I need to be more stable, more mature. Don't you think?" My box was rattling and threatening to pop open. I focused on what he was saying...

"I think you should take all the time you need. But still, as far as the 'm' word goes... How do feel about that?" I groped in my mind for some legitimate response and raised my defenses a little.

"You know, you aren't even Eighteen yet, so this conversation is moot anyways..."

"You know I will be in a month! And we can use that time to 'be more stable' or whatever. We can get married on my birthday. I can't think of a better present then that..."

"Are you serious? One month... Where would we go?" He shrugged and said,

"My parents did a nice 'Justice of the Peace' thing. Unless you wanted something nicer..." He suggested but I said,

"No, actually, that sounds good. Something small. What would we wear?" While we were talking he began to pull me in closer and closer...

"It doesn't matter to me, as long as this is what you want..." I realized that despite everything he had working against him, he had won me over heart and soul. I nodded and tired to get to his lips as I admitted,

"I do. And you?"

"I do." He finally kissed me and made me feel whole again. I had returning thoughts of us making our own family, and of how I would get to have this for the rest of my life... I felt my chest filling with an excited pressure despite what my head was trying to tell me. He pulled me back and took my right hand. I was distracted when he touched the ring and asked,

"Can I see this?" I nodded and he took it off and looked at it. "I think... I should do this right..." He was suddenly kneeling in front of me and had both of his arms around me, pulling me down to him. "Isabella... Will you be my wife?" I lost my breath a little and gave a whisper of a "Yes" as he slid his mother's ring on my left ring finger. He pulled me the rest of the way down to him and kissed me as hard as he could. I ran my hands through his hair and held myself to him as tightly as I could. When he broke away I had a bit of a head rush and staggered into him.

"Are you okay?" he asked, concerned.

"Yeah, I am. I feel... Great. Like I could do anything..." He smiled and said,

"Do you want to do something? Something fun?" I nodded and he asked, "Do you trust me?" I said 'yes' and he stood and took my hand and led me away from the edge and up a slight incline of land before he swept me up into his arms once again. "Don't be scared, okay?"

"Scared of wh...?" I didn't finish because he crushed his lips to mine then looked ahead and started running... Right at the edge. It clicked into place what he was going to do, but all that I had time to say was,

"Jake!" Before I felt him take a leap and as I buried my face into his shoulder I watched the edge of the cliff disappear as we free fell into the sea. Jake let out a "Woo!" of pleasure and I remembered right in time to take a breath. It was like being dunked into pool of freezing water, without having time to get used to it first. I clutched to Jake as the water engulfed us like he was my anchor. He held tightly onto me, and I could feel him working his legs to get us back up. I could feel my air supply getting low and I looked above me but could see only a watery dark blue color. Jake yanked me closer to him and found my mouth. I opened it for him without even thinking about it and found I could somewhat breath through him. Suddenly, we broke the surface and I took in as much air as I could while spitting out the salt water. I was still clutching to him for dear life while he casually backstroked us to the shore, which was surprisingly only about Twenty feet away.

When my I was about halfway out of the water I stood on my own and walked my self back to land. The tide was high now that the sun was gone and I was shivering badly. A wave crashed into me from behind and I stumbled forward. I onto the sand but Jake lifted me up and carried me out then sat me down on the sand. My flip flops had got lost along the way so I was also now barefoot. Jake was chuckling to himself and I said,

"Jacob, that was not funny! I thought we were going to die!" He snatched me close again and said,

"You know you liked it."

"No, I didn't! I'm cold and wet and now my dress is ruined..."

"So come on, lets go back and get you warmed up." He lifted me into his arms again and made his way to his car.

"Don't you ever get tired of carrying me?" I asked as I snuggled into his wet but warm embrace.

"Not even a little..." He put me in the car and hurried around. As I watched him I was suddenly reminded of the day he brought me here and gave me his ring, and how it had rained and we were both as soaked as we are now... And of what happened after... When he got in I said,

"Does this remind you of anything?" He said,

"What?" Instead of explaining I leaned over and kissed him. Before I could move myself closer he already had me lifted up and wrapped around his waist. Before our mouths met again he said,

"Oh yeah, I do remember..." His hands were all over me and despite the chill I was still feeling, I wanted nothing more then to take everything off and relive that moment from not that long ago... When my hand wandered in the direction it seemed to bring him back to his thoughts and he said, "Okay..." I stilled my rocking hips and wandering hands but I didn't move off him and he didn't ask me too.

"When are we going to get to be together again?" I asked. "I don't know how much more I can take..."

"I'll talk to Sam... But for now, there's not really anything I can do..." I sighed and burrowed into his neck. When I shivered again he said, "Okay, we need to go... I don't want you to get sick..." We didn't say much on the ride home. I could feel the weight of the ring resting on the different finger but it was nothing compared to the dam I was still blocking in my mind. I could feel the imaginary box pressing in on me like the water in the ocean. Jake questioned me, but I waved him away saying it was just a headache.

Once we were at his house and into dry clothes Jake brought me to his bed and laid me down. He started stroking my wet hair and rubbing my neck and back. I was more relaxed now then I had been all day. I pressed myself into his warm body and let my mind shut down for awhile.

A/N: Okay, so I did skip ahead in the "school time," I am just tired of working around it, so yeah, don't get mad at me but I moved that along a little bit. And I looked it up and, correct me if I am wrong, Jacob's birthday is July 3rd, 1990 and he's 17. Just wanted to get some facts straight! Please review! I re-wrote this thing twice before I ended up with the original one I wrote so please be honest and give me your thoughts. Thanks!


	30. Chapter 30: What Feels Natural

Chapter 30: What Feels Natural

I started awake and could tell I wasn't in my bed. I kept my eyes closed and let my mind backtrack to the last thing I remembered... Being in Jake's arms... And I still was. I was facing away from him, looking towards his dresser where his clock was. I lifted my head a little so I could see the numbers from the right angle and was shocked to see it was almost Two AM.

I was suddenly wide awake. Every trace of grogginess left me as I sat up and rounded on the slumbering giant at my side.

"Jake! Wake up!" I hissed and shook him vigorously. "It's two o'clock in the morning!" He took my arms and pulled me down to him and wrapped his arms around me, firmly squashing me to his chest. As comfortable as this was, I had a bunch of thoughts whirling through my head. Why had I fallen asleep? And why had Jake let me keep sleeping? Surely Billy knew I was here? And Charlie... Oh dear God... I had to get to a phone and call him. I pushed my hands against his chest and said his name again. While I was unsuccessfully trying to wriggle out of his grip, he 'Shh-ed' at me! I gave up and simply whacked him on the chest with my fist. It just so happened to be the fist his... My... Ring was on. That stilled me for a moment... I had agreed to be his... Wife. I tried to focus on what was at hand, and not on my hand.

"What'd you hit me for...?" Jake asked sleepily.

"Because it's late! I have to get home! Charlie is going to _flip!" _ He managed open his eyes enough to scowl down at me.

"You dad knows you're here. Now go back to sleep..."

"Wait, what?" He started mumbling and sounding tired but I made out,

"I called'em, told'em you didn't feel good... So stay. And sshhhhh..." He rolled on his side and tucked his head under my neck. One of his legs slid over mine while his free hand found it's way to my head and started to rub a little for a few seconds and then stilled. He was already back to sleep.

I digested what he said, and I calmed down a bit. As long as Charlie wasn't issuing missing persons reports, I was okay. I reminded myself to thank him when he woke up for taking care of everything. As always.

I sighed in content and rubbed the arm Jake had thrown over me. He was simply amazing. I noticed that my breathing matched his and I listened to his soft snores as I drifted back to sleep.

When I woke again, sunlight was streaming into the room. I was laying on my stomach with one arm dangling off the side of the bed. I quickly wiped away the moisture at the corner of my mouth and listened to Jake's breathing and guessed he was still asleep. I hadn't slept so good in as long as I could remember, so I slid myself closer to him, intent on cuddling up and falling to sleep... Until I backed right into his morning erection. From that moment on, sleep was no longer on my to-do list.

I became very still and waited for a reaction from him, but nothing happened. I carefully turned to face him, squeaking the mattress only a little, and curled up to his chest. I gently rubbed my hands along his chest and let my right hand slip between the folds of his boxers. He grunted when I gave him a firm squeeze, and I felt it twitch in my hand.

His hand was immediately covering mine, but didn't pull it away, just held it in place. He growled a slow rumbling warning from his throat and I didn't move, I just waited for his reaction. I was beginning to feel a little nervous, but then he let out a softer moan that was almost a whimper and my heart completely broke. That was the exact way I felt, not being able to be with him like I should. It was a sad sound of longing and need, even frustration.

I tugged my hand away and leveled my face with his. He peeked out at me from his eye lids before closing them and brushing a few kisses across my mouth and cheeks. I gave him some light pecks back, but they seemed to only fan my flame and make me want more and more. I kissed him harder and he let me. My leg wrapped around him as I hung slightly above him and tried to make my way atop him. He crushed me to him, but with the way he felt against me, I was not complaining. _God, please don't let this end!!_

When Jake showed signs of stopping I quietened his protests and attempted to talk him into it.

"Come on, Jake, I know you want it as badly as I do..."

"I... I can't..."

"Don't say that, listen to me. Just hear my voice, okay? This is us, me and you... What do you want to do? What feels natural?"

"Natural?" He questioned, like he hadn't thought of it before.

"Yes. Now tell me. Tell me what you are thinking... What you want..."

"I want to kiss every inch of your body..." He stopped talking but his actions spoke for themselves. He wanted my clothes off, right _then. _ I helped as much as I could but as soon as I was halfway out of my shirt he latched on to a very sensitive and ticklish place along my collarbone. I squealed a little and managed to rip the damn thing from my head right as he brushed his lips around to the other side of my neck like a paintbrush on a canvas. He placed kisses along my shoulder and arm in a zig-zag pattern, but left no skin neglected. He flipped me over on my back and picked up right where he left off. Elbow. Wrist. Palm. Every single finger was briefly suckled and it seemed to send jolts right to my quim as I thought of where else that mouth had been. When he made it to my ring finger he kissed the ring and then trailed up the rest of my right arm, treating it the same.

My hands were not idle. I scratched and squeezed and and pulled and bucked my hips into his. He pulled me up and put one hand behind my back and flicked the snaps securing my bra open. It was off in a second and I took a moment to admire his skill. He laid me back and I went willingly, more then happy to subject myself to his treatments.

He covered my chest with his lips and added a little teeth now and then. When he got to my hip he passed over and left my underwear in place. I planned on protesting, but he wasn't through. He almost drove me crazy, the way his hair would tickle my thighs as he ran his tongue down to the back of my knee. He was now on his knees and lifted my calf and let my foot rest on his shoulder. The position made me think of so many other things... He met my eyes as he nipped and licked his way to my foot and didn't stop there. I started to pull away because I mean, it's my foot, but he had a hold on it and kissed my toes. It tickled but felt good at the same time. I shuddered when he picked up my other foot and began to hope he really did mean _every _inch.

At this point, my nerves were tense and even the lightest touch felt like electricity was shooting through me. I was strung as tight as possible, it seemed I would snap at any moment, and I wondered in the back of my mind if anyone had ever died from lack of sex and over stimulation.

When he was finally back up to my waist line I started to tremble. He slowly pealed them down and looked like he was concentrating really hard. I was afraid to move or say anything, for fear of breaking the spell, so I held my breath as he got closer and closer... I felt the tip of his tongue and then he stopped. I let put my breath in a huff of dissatisfaction, but was silenced with Jake's lips covering mine. He pressed his forehead to mine and started apologizing, but I put my fingers over his lips. He held me close for a bit then rolled to the side and let his hand trace invisible lines between the freckles spaced out across my skin. I asked,

"How do you do it? Just stop? How do you stay in control?"

"Well, I stop because I have no choice... It's like hitting a brick wall, I just can't go any further. But I am always in control when I am around you. I have to be..."

"I'm glad you are. I know I couldn't control myself if I were you."

"What do you mean?" I clarified what I meant with,

"Well, if I were you, and my naked _fiancé_ was laying right next to me, I don't think I would be able to stop myself after this long without it."

"Can I ask you something? And you won't get mad?"

"Uhh, yeah. I won't get mad..." I silently prayed for it to have nothing to do with...

"Don't you ever... You know... _Help _yourself?" I was so relieved it wasn't about the one thing I don't ever want to talk about, I was completely at ease when I said,

"You mean, masturbation? No, I don't... I mean, I just don't think it's the same."

"Of course it's not the same, but I think maybe you should try it. It would really help relieve some of your stress...It's natural." I shook my head and protested that,

"I wouldn't know what to do, it would just feel awkward..."

"Shh, here, lay down and be still." I did what he said and he laced his hand around the back of my right hand. He rubbed our hands along my stomach and hip bones. I could feel his rough fingers brushing along with my own soft ones and it felt rather nice. The lower he worked our hands the higher my body temperature seemed to get. I felt his lips at my throat and I gasped as he slid my fingers over my very moist center. I felt my tummy clench with need as my body ached to be filled. Jake's hand told mine what to do without speaking, and I found the right spots and felt the pressure building despite the hollow feeling at my core. Right when I was convinced this would never be enough to actually make me orgasm, teeth scraped over my nipple as Jake tightened our grip and pressed two fingers into me without meaning to and I broke apart into shudders and spasms as he gently unclenched his hand and helped me float back down into sanity gradually. When I was able to open my eyes, I did, and found him propped up on one elbow, looking down at me.

"Wow..." Was the first thing that I was able to say, then I realized this was about to get even better. "I want to watch you."

"Huh?" he sputtered.

"Hey, quid pro quo. Just do what you would if I wasn't here." He seemed on the verge of protesting, but he smiled a little devilishly and said,

"Lets see if that will work... But Bella, you have to promise me something... You can't touch me... _There... _It will stop everything." I nodded and said,

"I won't bother you, I promise. Just tell me what to do..." He got off the bed and said,

"Lay back... Spread out..." I rested back on the pillow and brought my knees slightly apart. Jake looked really intense as he stood near the edge of the bed, looking down at me. He took off his shorts and I couldn't help but stare. My eyes widen when he grasped it firmly in his hand. I was beginning to wonder if that was even going to _fit, _but I was sidetracked when he stroked himself with one long motion. I made a mental note of the way he held it and how he moved his hand. I noticed how he started out slow and worked up. I felt the tight longing again even though Jake had just 'helped' me my right hand seemed to subconsciously drift along my thigh and up to my waist. "Yes, touch yourself..." He hissed and I immediately used both hands, pretending they were his, and let them roam over my flesh. I tweaked my nipples and noticed Jake had a fire going in his eyes. His gaze was burning into me and making me hot... And Hotter...

I let my right hand trail across my lips and could still see the effects of our combined efforts. I cautiously sucked my index finger into my mouth, wondering what Jake tasted when he was down there, and wasn't bothered. He moaned desperately and jerked his cock harder and faster. It was obvious he liked that. I licked my next finger and sat up on my knees as I was doing so. I was almost within reach of him and I wanted to help him so badly, but I remembered my promise not to touch him and decided to do whatever it took to visually help him along. I let my fingers trail down my body once again, this time leaving moisture behind, and reached down to where I wanted to feel him more then anything, and tried out a few things he had shown me. He growled and looked like he was almost painfully pulling on his erect flesh. It was red and I could see his muscles tensing and flexing. He was so close, and we both knew it, but not close enough. Something was stopping him...

I shuddered a little over my own hand, and decided to share. I removed my hand a reached out to him. He leaned forward and sucked two fingertips greedily into his mouth and growled. It was sudden, and he caught his release in his hand, keeping me from getting messy. He slowed his strokes but didn't stop just yet and he closed his eyes to enjoy to feeling. While he wasn't paying attention, I satisfied my curiosity and leaned forward and suckled on the tip of his head. He jerked and fell forward and caught himself on the bed. I tasted something slightly salty and bitter, but completely Jake. When he finally pulled himself up to lay in the bed with me, he said,

"You have to let me draw you one day, laying like that in my bed. I never seen anything sexier in my entire life." I agreed and snuggled up to him. My skin seemed to be shining next to his coppery color. I brushed my hands through his hair a few times before I heard his tummy give a grumbling roar, much like what he sounds like when he's angry. I laughed and said,

"Come on, I'm making you breakfast!" After I searched the floor, I found one of his shirts and threw it on along with my underwear that I found under the bed and a pair of his boxers to wear like shorts. He followed me to the kitchen in his boxers and shorts. I looked in the fridge and started pulling everything out that looked good and decided to make omelets. I found a box of pancake mix in the pantry and decided to make some of those, also. I knew I had a big man to feed, so I made him double what I made for me and Billy.

"Let me help!" He was like an enthusiastic kid so I sat him to work chopping as I started the mixing. I had him get out the things I would need, since I didn't know where everything was, but I soon knew my way around. It didn't take long before I had two plates, one piled with omelets, the other with pancakes, so I told him to start on his. He was so hungry, he didn't wait and doused everything with syrup before digging in. The commotion roused Billy and when he wheeled himself into the kitchen he said,

"My word, it sure has been a long time since this kitchen was graced with the sight such as this!" I laughed and asked what 'sight' was he talking about. "That of a woman dressed and cooking like that." Jake make a grunt of appreciation, but his mouth was too full for him to say anything else. "Did you put tomatoes in that omelet?"

"Yep. And cheese, and bacon bits, and ham. I wish I had some chives..." I shrugged my shoulders and quickly got him a plate and and brought it to the table. I got them both big glasses of orange juice and napkins and got Jake some seconds. When I sat down next to Jake with mine, I felt very satisfied and overall happy. Billy joked that,

"Charlie better watch out, we might steal you and have you live here." I cleared my throat and decided I needed to practice saying it out loud anyways, so I worked up my courage and said,

"Well, actually... Jake did ask me to marry him. And I said 'yes.'" His eyebrows raised but he didn't miss beat.

"Wonderful! Congratulations to you both. Have you decided when?"

"My birthday." Jake answered. He had apparently stopped eating long enough to join the conversation.

"Why so soon? You are both young, why not take your time?"

"Because we don't need time. This what I want, what we both want."

"Is it?" He questioned, and he looked at me, and I felt guilty, like he was aiming that at me. This time, we both answered.

"Yes." Our hands found the other under the table and I tightened my grip. He returned a reassuring pressure and continued, "Don't try to talk us out of it. We are going to do this." He looked at me and I looked back. I nodded and smiled. We are going to do this.

We are _going _to do this.

We _are _going to do this.

We are going to do _this_?

The phone rang and cut through my rising doubts. I shoved it all down into my already bursting Pandora's Box and jumped up to answer. It was Charlie, so I talked to him and let him know I was going to spend some more time here before I went to the study thing at Angela's. He said he was going out on his boat, so I put him on the phone with Billy who was going with him. Jake was done, and I wasn't hungry any more so we faded out without any further questions.

We went out to his garage and I attempted to help him work on his car. He pointed at things and told me the name, and I tried to remember the difference between a flat head and a Phillips, but it was hopeless. Not to much later, Charlie showed up and we went to the house. Before we made it in, Jake stopped me and said,

"We don't have to tell him right now... We can wait."

"No, we need to be honest. Besides, it'll give them something to talk about on their fishing trip. Imagine your dad trying to hold that in for the next five or six hours." He gave a soft chuckle and said,

"You're right."

"Of course I am." He swatted my butt as we walked in and found them in the living room. I decided to jump right to it and I said, "Daddy, there is something I... We... Need to tell you." He stood there, staring at me like he wasn't sure what to make of what I was saying or what I was wearing. Billy cleared his throat and told him to sit down. Charlie muttered,

"Oh, Hell. Are you pregnant?" He looked at Jake like he was going to cause some serious harm, even his hand went to his right hip out of habit, though he was thankfully not wearing his gun belt. Jake flinched a little but didn't back down,

"No!" I shouted. "No, it's not that... We're engaged." He took a deep breath and said,

"You're sure? You're not..." I cut him off,

"Completely sure." Charlie looked at Billy and asked,

"You know about this?"

"Not till this morning. I guessed it was gonna happen eventually, didn't know they were in such a hurry 'bout it, but, there you have it."

"Hum. And why are you in a hurry? If there's not a.. a ba... baby...." He seemed to be having a hard time even saying it.

"There's no hurry, we just know what we want, Sir." Jake answered for me. I looked up at him and he wrapped his arm around my shoulders.

"Hum." Charlie said again. Billy eventually moved things along and I was thankful when he let the subject change. Not to much later they were out the door and in Charlie's truck. Once we were sure they were gone I asked Jake what he wanted to do and he looked thoughtful as he said,

"Well, earlier I said I wanted you to pose for me... We have the house to ourselves..." I smiled and asked,

"Where do you want me?"

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A/N: I know this is a little short, but I actually had a bit of stroke of inspiration and thought about doing a Charlie POV, so I dropped it off here, so I might play around with that for the next chapter. Don't you just wonder what goes on in his head? And I know things aren't really eventful as far as Victoria goes but I have a few things I wanted to happen first so forgive me if you think there isn't enough action, but there will be, I promise! I hope you liked the Jake and Bella time. Please R&R! I will love you forever!


	31. Chapter 31: Interrupted

Chapter 31: Interrupted

Posing for Jake basically meant sitting still and watching him look at me. We sat on the couch for awhile so he could sketch my face. He kept the tablet turned away so I couldn't see and told me I had to wait for the final product. I felt very relaxed as we talked and laughed a little. Not much longer Jake said,

"The lighting just isn't right, lets go outside." He snagged a blanket on the way out and went to the back porch. It was a warm summer day, just after Noon so the sun was at it's brightest. Bits of light broke through to the ground, with the branches cutting zig zags through it. He unfolded the blanket in a sunny patch of grass and I sat down in the middle while he sat on the edge. Jake's deeply tanned skin made him look like some sort of Sun Bathing God, and I felt a bit envious. All I usually managed to do was burn, before peeling back into my normal pale shade. Feeling a bit daredevil, I shucked off his boxer shorts and threw them aside, then did the same with his shirt. I was down to my own underwear and topless, but his backyard was completely surrounded by trees, so I felt safe. Jake just watched with big eyes and I said,

"What? I'm taking advantage of the sun."

"Feel free." I thought I heard him mumble something about wanting to be taken advantage of, but I let that one slide with a smile. I shook my hair back off of my shoulders and propped myself up on my elbows and stretched out my legs. Jake licked his lips. I waited for a moment then asked,

"Is this okay?"

"Um, yeah. Right... My pencil...." I sat still for a little while, listening to the scratches he made. My gaze drifted from his chest and shoulders to the rest of the yard, and I began to survey the landscape. The trees looked mostly like they did in my own back yard; Huge and perpetually green. I noticed several worn paths leading between the trees and wondered what was back there. Part of me wanted to go, but another part of me trembled and turned away from the thought. The forest just made me think of that night. When _he _said goodbye. I was scared of getting lost again. I was sure Jake would never walk away from me like that. But I was also sure Edward wouldn't either... I knew things were different with Jake, he was unlike anyone I had ever met... And yet, so is Edward. They were both truly one of a kind.

I remembered what had happened during my recent encounters with Edward. It was clear that I could no longer fall back on my default solution of 'He doesn't love me.' Not after his verbal and slightly inappropriate physical affirmation of his feelings. It still didn't make a damn bit of sense, I still didn't know how could he walk away... But I felt a little better knowing it wasn't all in my head, that he was real and the love was real... And was still real.... I felt my heart getting heavier and heavier with each thought.

"What are you thinking about?" Jake's voice cut through the silence like the crack of a whip and I jumped. I looked at him and noticed he had put down his sketchpad and had gotten closer to me with my knowing. He reached out and touched my forehead to smooth out my crinkled brow, then ran his and along me cheek and asked, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing I was just... Thinking..." I had forgotten Jake was studying me, and I had apparently shown something was wrong. I didn't think it would be possible to keep shutting things away, I was being eaten alive as it was, so I tried to think of a way to begin...

"About?"

"Listen, I need to tell you some things, okay? And I need to you be my Best Friend Jake, okay? Not Jealous Boyfriend Jake, not Big Scary Wolf Jake, just the guy that made me fall in love with you? Okay??" I hoped I didn't sound as crazy as I felt but he said,

"First, I am not your boyfriend, I am your fiancé. And I am not _jealous, _I'm _protective._" Before I could cut in he continued with, _"_But I will be what ever you need, just tell me what's wrong. I promise, I will listen. You know I will fix it, no matter what."

"Well, here goes... You know the other night when you were in my room? And you saw me with Edward? I told you I would explain later and I never did..."

"I thought you would when you were ready..."

"Yeah. Well, that night Edward asked if he could ride home with me, just to make sure I got home alright, and I said yes. On the way over, we talked. A little."

"What did you say?"

"Um, that I was happy that his family was back in town... And I asked him why he left." I couldn't really look at him anymore, but his eyes were boring into me.

"And what did he say?" He sounded normal.

"That he did it because he wanted me to have a chance to 'live.' And because he loved me..." His jaw tightened but he said,

"That's understandable. And you said?"

"That he messed everything up for me... I just blamed him and yelled, and I even hit him but I'm sure I hurt myself more then him." Jake chuckled a little and said,

"I bet you hurt him more then you think." I gave him a questioning look and he continued, "Not physically, but verbally. I bet you let him have it."

"I guess I kinda did. He deserved it though."

"Of course he did. Any guy who ever gave up a chance to be with you is an idiot. Plus he hurt you, which makes him a jackass on top of everything else... I don't really like that leach."

"Please don't do that... Call him names, or any of the Cullen's. The bad vampires, I don't care, but not them. They don't kill people, so please don't look at them like that."

"I look at them for what they _are. _Which is something you seem to not be able to see. They are not some form of tamed vampire, they can kill you at any second, and yet you constantly put yourself around them and in danger."

"I'm not in danger when I am with them! I know you think differently, but can't you trust me on this?"

"I do trust you... Just finish what you were telling me." He was sounding exasperated.

"Well, last night, I went to see Alice so she could help me dress up. I wanted to impress you..." He wrapped his hand around my neck and pulled me in for a kiss.

"You did impress me, but you didn't even have to try. I love the T-shirt and Blue Jean Bella as much as I love the Dressed Up Bella. But this Topless Bella, I think she might be my favorite." I laughed and rolled over onto my stomach so my back could get some sun to. I stayed up on my elbows and Jake sprawled out on his side next to me with his head resting in his palm.

"But as I was leaving to come here, I sorta bumped into Edward. And well, you know about his mind reading thing right?" He nodded and I said, "Well, he must have read your mind and found out about us sleeping together, and he said something in regards to that, then for some reason, he... Kissed the love bite you gave me..." Jake shot up and I quickly continued, "But I'm sure it was nothing, it meant nothing."

"Oh no, it meant something alright. To him, at least. If he wants to play dirty, I can too."

"Wait a minute, this isn't a game. I'm trying to be honest with you! You said you would listen."

"Okay! Fine!" He laid back but looked up at the sky instead of at me. I explained why I hid in his garage and why I kept everything a secret until now. "I just wanted to enjoy out time together..." He closed his eyes and I knew his anger was about to fade. I scooted over so I could lay over his chest and said, "Thank you for everything, too. Last night with the food, and the cliff diving... You called Charlie for me so he wouldn't worry, and today has seriously made me so happy. Whenever I think of the night you proposed, I will always remember how amazing and perfect you make everything." I waited for a minute then another thought came to me. "Did you plan on proposing?"

"Not really. I had thought about it, but it just kinda slipped out."

"Do you regret it?"

"Nope. You?"

"No. But you never told me why I should. Remember, I asked you?"

"Oh yeah. Well, I can think of a few good reasons why. For one, no other guy could ever love you as much as I do. If you were my wife, you would be my world, and I would only live to make you happy. Then there's the fact that we were both each others 'First' and I don't ever want to be with anyone else now that I've had a taste of you. And if you picked me, you would get to keep on living, and we could have a family together. Plus, your dad likes me, and I'm sure you mom would." I gave him a look and said,

"Well, you do make a good argument. I don't think any girl could ever turn you down."

"But you are the only girl I want..." He rolled us over and kissed me deeply. I let my mind form a picture in my head of Jake, My Husband. I could defiantly see him fitting the part, but I couldn't help but feel like I was betraying a part of me... The part that couldn't seem to let go of Edward...

"What in the world are ya'll doin'?" Our lips pulled apart with a loud pop and I squeaked a little. Jake tightened his grip on me and said,

"Dammit, Sam, you always interrupt us!"

"And not a moment to soon form the looks of it. Get back in the house you two." He walked back in Jake's house and I scrambled back into his clothes.

"Why does he always walk in on us when I'm naked?" I asked grumpily.

"I don't know, but at least he is here so we can talk to him." He was waiting for us in the living room and when we walked in he said,

"Don't you kids know how to answer a phone? I've been calling for the last hour and a half!"

"Well, we were enjoying some time alone in the sun." I said truthfully.

"Why were you calling?" Jake asked.

"Because we have a situation. Last night, someone slipped past us. They didn't get far before we caught their scent and was on their trail. But it was the other vamps that found him. The little dark haired girl and the other one, Edward, I think, caught up with him right at the edge of town. From what they said, he was just a scout, sent by the Red Headed Step Child herself."

"What happened?" I asked breathlessly. If anyone had been hurt because of me...

"He was interrupted. By the time we caught up they pretty much had it under control. We helped them finish the job then we discussed what they had learned. They believe the Fire Crotch has started her own little coven of 'newborn' vampires. But she isn't just biting people at random, she is taking her time, picking and choosing ones she thinks will be most effective. She's already got three favorites, each with their own little special talents. Anyway, they think she's building up her own little army to come take us all on and to get to you, of course. She's playing strategy here, and I don't like it. I don't know how she will react when her lackey doesn't return, hopefully she assume he ran off on his own, but I don't want to risk her sending someone else and us not being prepared. We need to keep both you and your dad safe, and unfortunately that's harder to do since you live in Forks. But we need to figure out a plan and what we are going to tell Charlie."

"I will take care of my Dad, you two just worry about the plan." I said. "Jake, I need to go home and get some clothes and other things..."

"Right, I'll take you, you aren't going anywhere alone. We'll work out what we need to do about Charlie in the mean time. You should round up the pack and make sure they know everything that is going on and we should have a meeting at your house in say, an hour?"

"Alright, but be careful and hurry back. I don't want you out in the open for long..." Jake nodded and started ushering me to his room so he could get dressed. I tried to turn my phone on so I could call Angela and cancel but it was dead. Jake gave me a pair of his own flip flops for me to wear and we hurried to his car.

On the way to my house I made a mental list of all the things I needed to get. Clothes, toothbrush, cell phone charger... And I also had to think of a way to get Charlie to leave the house for a few nights. I tired to run my hand through my hair but it was so knotted I couldn't. Shower and Hairbrush...

When we pulled up nothing looked different except for the lack of trucks. The house was eerily quite and when I shut and locked the door behind us Jake motioned for me to be quite and wait. When he checked down and upstairs and was sure it was safe he called my name and I ran up to meet him.

"Can I take a quick shower? You can pack me a few things while I'm in there?"

"Sure, just hurry." I quickly hopped in and told Jake what to grab while I washed and rinsed the salt out of my hair. It took a minute to get all the tangles out, but I was soon done and turning off the water. I heard the usual rumble and gargle the pipes make and inspiration struck. You can't go home if there is no water. I got dressed in about a second then raced down the steps and down to the basement and to Charlie's wall of tools. I picked up an ax and turned around and almost bumped into Jake who had been following me. He threw his arms up and said,

"Whoa, what are you gonna do with that thing?"

"I'm going to bust the pipes!" When he looked confused I elaborated, "We need a reason to get Charlie out of the house for a few days, right? Well, if a pipe busts then you have to turn the water off... And if there is no water..."

"Then Charlie will need a place to stay. You are a genius!" As we went back upstairs I said,

"I think we should bust the one under the bathroom sink. We will have to let it do some water damage before we shut it off or he will try to get out of leaving the house."

"I hope he doesn't figure out we were the ones who messed it up." Jake quietly confessed.

"It'll be worth it as long as he's alive and well."

"Agreed. Now, do you think maybe I should do that?"

"What, do I scare you when I'm holding this thing?" I raised it a little in a mock swing and he laughed.

"You look sexier then scary. Or maybe the scary part is what makes it sexy? I don't know, I just think I should do it so you don't get hurt."

"Okay, good point." I handed it to him and opened both cabinet doors and went to the door. After a few practice swings he finally found a good angle and gave it a hard swing. The metal clanged together loudly and I covered my ears as he swung again and then one more time. He had to jerk it out and when he did water sprayed out all over the place. He jumped back and said,

"I think that did it!" and we both laughed. I felt bad watching everything getting soaked and hoped it wouldn't cost to much to repair. But as long as we all made it through this alive I didn't care what I had to do. Once everything was good and drenched Jake went outside and searched for the valve and turned the water off. We finished getting everything Charlie and I might need and hurried back out. I went over my cover story with Jake a few times until I felt confident with the lie on the way to Sam's.

When we arrived we told him what happened he shook his head a little at us, but said, "Well, good job. Now, Jacob, you have been assigned to permanent Bella Duty. You are not to leave her for a second, I don't want her left alone. We've decided the rest of us will center around residential La Push while the vamps take the border. If she sends another worker bee along we are going to let them be, as long as they don't try to harm anyone, so they can pass on whatever message to his little Queen. It's her we want, after all."

"That sounds good to me." Jake said.

"Now you kids get home and stay there. I'll be in touch."

"Actually before we go I wanted to talk to you."

"Not right now, I've got to much to deal with."

"Well, this can't wait. Bella and I are going to get married. And I want you to remove my restrictions. Now."

"When are you getting married?"

"My birthday."

"Well then, I will remove them then. Consider it a Wedding and Birthday present combined."

"But I don't want to wait that long!" I protested, then felt my cheeks heat up when I realized what I was talking about. Then something dawned on me, and I suddenly felt embarrassed and light headed all at once. The packs ability to communicate with each other was like Edward's mind reading gift. They each knew what the other knew. And they saw with the other saw... They knew what the other did and with who... And that was how Edward found out about me and Jake... He saw us in Sam's mind! I found it was getting hard to breathe and I leaned slightly into Jake subconsciously. Right when he looked down at me and started to ask if I was okay the door to the kitchen busted open and in walked Emily, followed by a few other pack members. I now felt the urge to vomit so I turned and ran out the front door.

When I made it outside I was going to just keep walking until Jake's arms wrapped around me and pulled me under a shaded area on the porch. He looked over his shoulder for a moment before facing me. On top of everything I was just reminded of how much danger every single person that I loved was in. I tired to stop the tears with my hands but they fell anyways. Jake held me tight and whispered,

"Shh. It's okay, tell me what's wrong."

I took a few deep breaths and said, "It's stupid." I shook my head and didn't go on.

"What do you need? What can I do?"

"I just want to be alone. With you." I confessed.

"Okay, I'm going to tell Sam we are leaving, do you want to come in and say bye?"

"No, no." I knew facing them was the last thing I wanted to do.

"Alright, then just stand right here, by the door. Do not move, okay?" I nodded and he waited for moment.

"I won't move." He pulled me over to the door and opened it walked in with out closing it. I heard him saying that I wasn't feeling good and heard Emily ask something, but soon he was stomping back to the door and then he was at my side.

"Come on, lets go home." He tucked me into the car and drove us to his house in less then three minutes. Our Dad's were still not back and I was thankful. I didn't feel up to putting up a big show for Charlie to get him to stay here where it was safe. Half of me wanted to tell him the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help me God, but I decided to put that plan on the back burner. I would only use that if need be.

Once we were inside I went to the bathroom and busied myself with my hair. I roughly brushed out the remaining tangles and twirled my hair into a knot and secured it. It was so long now I didn't even need a hair tie to keep it in place. After I was done brushing my teeth I looked up to find Jake waiting patiently at the door.

"What?" I asked without meeting his gaze even in the reflection.

"Are you going to tell me what that was about?"

"I just sort of realized something... About the pack."

"And?" He sounded less patient and I rounded on him.

"You didn't tell me they could see everything we've done! It suddenly hit me when we were talking to Sam back there, and right when I realize him and a bunch of other guys have seen me naked, half of those guys walk into the room. I can't help but feel a little violated. And now it's gone through you to Sam to Edward and now everyone knows everything!" I was shouting. I took a deep breath but Jake asked,

"So what? Are you ashamed that they know, or that _he _knows all about our lovemaking? Did you just not want him to know?"

"No, I mean, I didn't... But it's not like that! I just feel like that was _private _and that some things should be kept _private!! _I don't know how I will ever be able to face any of your friends again..."

"You do the same thing that Emily, and Leah, and all the other girls who are with a pack member. You deal with it. Let me explain something... I don't sit around showing the guys what we are up to. We aren't being perverts here... We all have respect for women and Sam always makes sure no one gets out of line. And so what is everyone knows? I _want _them to know! I want everyone to see exactly how much we love each other, and how happy I make you. Don't you?"

"Yes, I want people to know all that! But I don't want everyone to know the intimate details! Some things are only meant for your eyes only!"

"Okay, I understand that. I should have made that part more clear to you. I apologize." I felt a bit softened up after that, but I still had so much bubbling under the surface that I almost didn't want to let it go, even though I knew no amount of fit pitching would change a damn thing. Is this what growing up feels like?

"I have a headache." I put my head in my hands and squeezed my eyes shut against the pounding. Jake pulled me into his arms and held on tight. After a minute he brought me to the couch and we sat down. I laid in his lap while his hands went to my hair and swiftly un-knotted it. It was still slightly damp from my shower and I could smell my shampoo. I tired to think about anyone else or what they might know. I just focused on the one thing in the world that could make sense of anything.

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A/N: I have no excuse for why it took so long! Life happens. Did you think this moved things along a wee bit? Any thoughts? Let me know!

-Jessica


	32. Chapter 32: Sweet Dreams

Chapter 32: Sweet Dreams

Charlie accepted my cover story without question. The fact that he trusted me so much made it that much harder to lie. He insisted on going over and looking at the damage himself, and refused Billy and Jake's offers for assistance. After he left, Jake noticed my guilty look and tried to remind me why I was doing this.

"You had to. To keep him... Both of you... Safe."

I started cooking to keep myself busy. Being with Jake helped. His presence was like a constant reminder of how precious every second we spent together was. The simple, in passing gestures are what meant the most. It was like his loving me was instinctive. Plus, having a tall, strong man to help around the kitchen wasn't an inconvenience.

I made a huge pot of spaghetti that was done by the time Charlie made it back with a worried look on his face. I tired to keep mine hidden.

After dinner, Jake pulled out the sofa bed for Charlie while I got some sheets and blankets. He gave me a pointed look when I told him goodnight and followed Jake to his room, but he thankfully didn't protest. Once we were alone he decided to go take a shower so I laid on his bed and checked my phone for messages.

Angela had called and asked if I wanted to come over and I reminded myself to call her back tomorrow with some excuse... There was also a message from Alice saying to call her. I deleted the messages and called her right back.

"Took you long enough!" Was her greeting. "I was starting to get worried...." She admitted.

"You know I am perfectly safe where I am. But that's not the point. What happened with the vampire? Is everyone okay?" Even though I was still mad at him, the thought of Edward or any of the others hurt made my stomach clench with fear.

"Of course we are fine." I could almost here her rolling her eyes.

"Well, what did you learn from him? Sam was really vague." I pressed.

"Listen, I'd rather talk about this in person. When will you be free?" I knew what she meant.

"Well, the chances of me going anywhere right now are practically non-existent. You know he doesn't trust you either..." I said regretfully.

"It's not that I don't trust him... I just don't understand why you can't find a nice human for yourself, that's all."

"Jake is plenty human, thank you very much. And it's not like I had any choice in who I love. I just sort of... Fell in."

"So I take it the date went well?"

"Yes it did." I stopped. I knew I needed to tell her about the engagement. If I didn't, she would find out anyways through someone else and that would hurt her feelings... But how to bring it up?

"Well, come on! Give me some details, I'm dying here!" I knew she couldn't stand not knowing everything before hand, and she did make it easy for me... I started at the beginning.

"Well, he made me dinner and that was really sweet. We ended up going to the beach after that. While we were there, we decided to get married." Silence. "And I've just been spending as much time with him as I can." I waited. "Alice?"

"You decided to get... Married?"

"Yes. I can't think of a reason not to."

"Not even one?" She knew she'd hit a nerve and quickly continued with, "Bella, you shouldn't rush into decisions like this. You have time to enjoy being young..." I cut her off,

"No! No, I don't! Not like you and Jasper! Not like Rosalie with Emmett and Carisle with Esme. I have to take full advantage of every second I'm given. And even if there is one reason why I shouldn't, there are a hundred reasons why I should! I actually love him, Alice. I really do."

"I'm not denying that! I'm just trying to make sure you have thought this through. Just the other day you scoffed at the idea of marriage!"

"Well, that was before it became a possibility. With graduation right around the corner I've been forced to think ahead... And I think Jake and I could really be happy together. It would be nice if you could be happy for me..."

"Oh, I am happy for you Bella. I'm sorry... This is good news. Have you set a date?"

"Yeah, it's Jake's birthday, July Third."

"Of this year?!" She sounded slightly panicky.

"Yes, of this year...." I was about to ask why that was a problem but she said,

"Well, that really doesn't give me a lot of time!"

"Time for what?"

"Time to plan! We have to pick a place and test cakes and, of course, the dress! I can handle it all though, don't worry, but we have to start immediately."

"Alice, I'm not worried about all that stuff. We just want something simple to make it official. We will just go downtown to the courthouse and then to dinner after."

"A judge? In a courtroom? I don't think so. I'd let you get married out side before I'd let you get married in between some criminal's sentencing. No arguing! I'm going to give you a wedding day to remember." I knew I would lose this battle anyways, and decided to go with it.

"Will you at least promise to listen to me when I say 'enough?'"

"Of course!" She laughed. Yeah right. But at least she was on my side now. And perhaps I could use this to my advantage to get Jake to start getting along better with everyone... Well, mostly everyone, anyways.

"Thanks, it helps having your support."

"What are friends for? Just stay safe, I'll call you soon."

"Okay, I will. Goodnight." I ended the call and laid back on Jake's bed.

I could just imagine Alice making a dozen lists of things to do, and even though I didn't care about having a big wedding, I felt a little more confident in my decision, and even a little excited. I knew Jake and I were supposed to be together. I snuggled into his blankets as I waited for him to get back. I couldn't seem to fall asleep even if I tried. I needed him there.

Eventually the door opened and he padded around quietly for a minuet before he climbed into bed. He curled his body behind mine and I relaxed into his hold as I breathed him in as deeply as I could. I yawned widely and was suddenly aware of how tired I was. I wished I could fall asleep like this for the rest of my life.

I woke up Sunday morning sprawled over Jake's chest. I moved back to the pillow but I laid on his hair accidentally so I settled with tucking my head into his neck and I rubbed his chest in lazy circles. He was still snoring quietly and his breathing was deep and slow. I trailed my hand down a little further and was shocked to find he was completely turned on, even though he was sleeping. I raised my head and looked at his face and wondered what he was dreaming about.

His face was smooth and relaxed, and his mouth was hanging open a little. Then he licked his lips and moaned quietly. I couldn't help but feel a little jealous that I was missing out on whatever was causing him to make such a blissful face. I reached down and gripped him tightly and watched as his face tensed and his eyes flew open and locked onto mine. He flexed his hips a little and let out a low grumble of,

"Must you tease?" and kissed my lips before I could answer. When he released me I said,

"I wasn't dong anything, you were hot and bothered before I woke up." I said matter of factually. He grinned a little devilishly and said,

"Yeah, I was having the _sweetest _dream about you..."

"Tell me." I commanded.

"I'd rather show you..." He kissed me again and I let my lips melt to his. He rolled me over without breaking away and I let my hands wrap in his hair while his hands found whatever bit skin they could. After he had taken my breath away he let my lips go and kissed other places while I wiggled against him, asking for more. Before things could go anywhere, they stopped. I sighed, and he must have felt my disappointment because he rolled off of me with a mumbled apology.

"You have nothing to apologize for. I always instigate things even though I know it makes it harder on you..."

"No, Bella, don't sit there and try to blame yourself, it will only make me feel worse." He pulled me into sitting position and wrapped his hand around the back of my neck and held my face close to his. "I promise I will make this up to you, Bella. I will make this right. I promise to make you so insanely happy that you won't even remember all of this... When we are married, I will get to show you exactly how much, how hard, and how completely I love you." He kissed me again then hugged me close. I told him I believed him and I took comfort from his promise. Everything was going to work out. It would be okay. "Let's go have some breakfast."

We each had a bowl of his favorite cereal, Captain Crunch. The commotion woke Charlie and soon after that, Billy. After we were all fed Charlie left to work on the house and Billy went with him. Since it was Sunday, I didn't have much to do except study. Jake ran out to my truck and got my school bag while I cleared off his desk so I could have some work space. I called Angela and apologized for not getting in touch with her sooner and told her about the pipe busting and she "Completely understood."

Once I finally got settled I opened my Calculus notes, but didn't get far before Jake was beside me, picking things up and asking me questions. I told him I really had to concentrate, and for every hour of study time he gave me now, I would repay him with a full hour of "us time" later, in which I would do whatever he wanted. He cocked an eyebrow and gave me his notorious mischievous grin.

"Anything I want?" I nodded my head. "No matter what?" He now had a look on his face like he was taking this seriously and I had a moment of doubt and almost took back the 'anything' part, but then I asked myself what I wouldn't do for Jake.... Nothing. He would never do any harm by me, so I knew I would be safe. I rolled my eyes at him and said,

"You don't scare me, Jacob Black. Besides, you have restrictions." I reminded him.

"Then I guess I'll have to bide my time then. I want to make sure I use it on something really... Worthwhile." My body hummed in anticipation. I knew he could tell the effect he was having on me, but two could play that game.

"Well, you better use this time to try and come up with something really good. I'd try just about anything." I saw his mouth drop right before I turned back to my books. Let him think about that for awhile... Now all I had to do was re-direct my thoughts elsewhere. Studying was always slow work for me, but I soon felt a lot more confident about the math. After I was done looking over my Chemistry notes I started on my History.

Jake was quite. He mostly sketched or wrote in a note book. I was shocked when he handed me a bottle of water and I realized I'd been reading for almost 3 hours. I threw myself on his bed to stretch out my back and I sighed in relief when Jake's hands began expertly working out the knots in my neck and shoulders.

Later, we ate lunch, and then I went back to studying. After awhile, I was finishing up a little more reviewing for English when I felt something hit the side of my head. I ignored it at first and kept reading. Apparently Jake had taken all he could, because he flicked something else at me. I asked,

"You think you're funny, don't you?" With out looking back. Paper whizzed by my ear. I spun his computer chair in a circle and flicked a big rubber band I'd been toying with at him. It snapped him in the chest and he clapped a hand over where it hit and acted like it hurt. He looked at me differently, like I was prey, and started getting up. I moved away, knowing what was coming, but I didn't get far. He pounced on me and drug me down onto the bed with him. He tickled my stomach and my ribs while I wiggled and yelled for mercy. I tried to fight him off, and he finally relented when I was laying on the floor, gasping for air.

"So, you owe me about five hours of time, in which I can do whatever I want with you."

"And what do you plan on doing to me?" I asked politely, like I wasn't phased at all.

"You will see..." He wouldn't give any more then that. We spent the rest of the day within reaching distance of each other. We vegged out and watched an old Bruce Lee movie and cracked up at everything. The peace didn't last long, however. Sam called and talked to Jake for awhile, and he had a hard look on his face when he got off the phone.

"What did he say?" I prompted him. He shrugged and said,

"He said nothing happened last night, and he talked with the... _other _vampires... They think you should go home, pretend everything is fine, so we don't raise Victoria's suspicions. Sam agrees. You have to go home tonight." I kind of figured that would happen. I was sure Charlie would have everything fixed by tonight and would insist on us returning home. I tried to cheer him up by saying,

"Well, you can just come sleep over at my house tonight."

"I can't. I have to stay here."

"Why? I'll talk to Charlie about it if it will make you feel better. We don't have to sneak..."

"No, I mean, I really can't. Sam said I had to stay here."

"But I thought he wanted you to watch over me..." I said, not understanding.

"Well, he seems to like their plan better so that's what we are going with now." He stood up and said, "Come on, I'm taking you home."

"No, I don't want to go home right now! Wait until Charlie gets back. We still have time." I tugged on his hand and he sat back down. "Let's just not think about that okay?" He nodded and put his arm around my shoulders. I hit play again, but the mood was gone. I couldn't even remember the name of the movie, much less the plot. I rubbed his chest and arm and he relaxed a little and petted my hair.

Charlie and Billy came home not long after. He had repaired everything, but some of the carpet had to be replaced and would have to wait a few days. He said it was time to go home and get something for dinner, so we said goodnight. Jake walked me to my truck and Charlie drove on ahead. He wasn't saying much, and once we were finally alone I said,

"Don't be upset, okay?" He pulled me to him and I hugged him as tight as I could.

"I don't want to let you go..." He mumbled into my hair.

"It's not for long. You can see me as soon as I get home from school." Even though I was trying to comfort him, I was having a really hard time imagining how I would be able to leave here without him. I squeezed my eyes shut and cried a little.

"Don't cry..." He breathed when he noticed.

"I just don't think I can make myself leave. I don't know how I will ever sleep tonight..."

"Listen, I'll ride over there with you. I'll just run back home."

"Okay." I would still feel the same sadness watching him leave, but at least I would get to be with him a little longer. He put me in the truck and drove the minimum speed limit the whole way over to my house. I was fine with that as I skipped over to the middle seat and curled up on his shoulder. When we got there we sat in the cab for a minute, until he finally said,

"I should go."

He helped me out and kissed me one last time. Night was just beginning to fall but I could still watch him as he faded into the trees, then I went inside. I walked in and threw myself on the couch and started unseeingly at the television.

"I ordered us a pizza." Charlie said, and I snapped out of it a little.

"You didn't have to do that, I don't mind cooking."

"Well, I thought you might could use the time to study. You still have a few days of school left, Bella." he said, like I needed reminding.

"Yeah, I know. I've been studying all day at Jake's." I informed him.

"Really?" he questioned, like he wasn't sure he heard me correctly.

"Yes, Dad. I think I'm old enough to know when to do my homework, you don't have to worry about me."

"Yeah." We sat in silence for a minute. Then he spoke again. "So. You're getting married. To Jacob."

"Yep. Why? Don't you approve?"

"I do if you do." he said with a shrug.

"I do." I confirmed. Silence again. He took a breath and started to say something else but stopped. Then did it again. I just waited.

"Did your mom ever tell you why I proposed to her?" That wasn't what I had expected, but I was immediately interested.

"No, she didn't. Why?"

"Ah, well... We were still in school, been together for a few years. We had a pregnancy scare, and you know, back then, if you got a girl pregnant you married her. After we were hitched, it turned out she wasn't, and when she found out, well, she felt differently about us, I guess. But I talked her into staying with me, and she did for awhile. I got my job at the department and she worked at a little restaurant in town. A few months later she did finally get pregnant with you and I thought she'd stay for good then. But, it got to be to much and, well, the rest is history. What I'm trying to say is that people, especially young people, change. You might want something today and then want another thing tomorrow. Maybe you should take more time before you rush into something you might not want later."

"It's not like that with Jake. We both want the same things."

"Have you talked about everything, though? Like where you are going to live, and where you are going to work. Are you planning on going to school, or staying in Forks? What about Jacob? What does he plan on doing to support you? Love doesn't pay the bills."

"I know that!" I said stubbornly. I didn't want to admit I didn't have any answers to those very legitimate questions. "We can work out all the details later, right now I'm just focusing on graduating. But I will talk to him. And we will go through with this." I was saved by the door bell. Charlie went and paid and I got some paper plates and napkins and drinks from the kitchen. We didn't talk while we ate and when I was done I went to my room and hid. I no longer felt like I was the one in control of anything anymore. I felt merely like a passenger, just along for the ride.

I tired to study some more, but it was pointless. I kept looking at the clock, willing it to speed up. I finally tossed myself on the bed and closed my eyes, but my head was to full. I paced around for a minute before I went to the window and opened it. It slid up easily and I remembered all the other times I'd done this. But this was different from all the other sleepless nights I spent standing here.

I wasn't crying, for one. And it wasn't the least bit cold. It was a hot, humid sticky night. Almost like a sauna. The window didn't feel as heavy as my despair. It used to take so much effort to slid up and leave me drained. And there was a different kind of pain... It was still a longing, aching kind of feeling in your chest but there was something else there that I couldn't quite put my finger on...

I gave up and went to my dresser and found one of Jake's shirts and stripped down and slipped into it. It didn't do much for me, but I did feel a little closer to him. I threw myself on the bed tossed and turned. I couldn't wait to wake up and go to school and get the day over with so I could see him... I suddenly realized what the new feeling was. Hope. I no longer felt doomed because of my love. I would see Jake tomorrow, and even if I didn't get to spend every second with him, at least I knew he was mine and I was his. I kicked off my blankets, rolled over and fell asleep.

As the night wore on, it only seemed to get hotter. There was not a hint of a breeze in the air. It seemed to press in in me form everywhere and I woke a few times because of it. The second time I had to get comfortable I opened my eyes just long enough to read the clock then closed them again. Only a few more hours till school. I started to drift back to sleep.

When I was almost under, but still somewhat conscious of my surroundings, I felt a gust of wind burst into my room. Grateful for whatever caused it, I slipped a little closer. Everything now felt dreamlike. The short lived relief from the breeze had faded and now I felt hot again. It was like I was floating in sunlight...

_I am so hot..._

I tossed my head and found a cool spot on my pillow. Something brushed against my forehead, and I knew I had to be asleep and dreaming now, because there was only one thing in the world that felt like that... I moved my head again, searching for that ice cold touch.

_Edward..._

I hoped I would remember this dream...

::Edward POV::

I arrived back at my house around noon on Sunday. I sought Alice's thoughts first, and felt like I had just been killed again. I could hear Bella's voice saying, over and over again,

"_We decided to get married... We decided to get married..."_

"No!" I yelled, like that would help anything. Alice tried to mentally talk me down and Jasper was basically trying to sedate me with his mind, but he was barely making a dent. I was seeing red and I felt like I was on fire. I had a montage of thoughts racing through my brain so fast it almost hurt...

Bella in white. Holding his hand. Wearing his ring. Giving herself to the wrong person... Carisle was talking, but my mental war raged on. She was mine... But I had let her go... She still loved me... Yet she chose him. She made a choice, and I lost by default, because I didn't fight for her... Alice's head swirled with different outcomes to the possibilities I was considering and when her sight cleared she looked at me and said,

"No, Edward. Don't you dare." Carisle demanded to know what was going on and before I could say anything she said,

"Bella is going to marry Jacob, and now Edward wants to interfere!" I caught the rest of the conversation she'd had with her and then what she'd been doing after and I took some of my frustration out on her,

"You are actually encouraging this? You are _planning _it?!"

"You said yourself that you just wanted her to be happy, and now she is! I know she is!"

"Oh, you know? For sure? You've 'seen' it?" I mocked. She flared up at once.

"Don't you try to take your anger out on me, Edward! You know perfectly well who is to blame right now! I've been warning you all along... You know what I _did _see, but you've done everything in your power to sabotage that! And now that you have succeeded and I can't see _anything..._" She showed me her more recent visions of Bella, which were either vague and didn't come in as clearly as they were supposed to, or blacked out... There was nothing involving the future she had once seen, the one with Bella and I together... "Now you all of the sudden realized what you've lost, but it's too late! And you know what? I'm proud of Bella. I'm glad she's not letting herself waste away, waiting on you to come to your senses!"

"Maybe it's not to late... I will fight for her, I can make her come back to me!" I decided to go through with it, and watched to see what would happen when I did. Alice's face clouded over and I focused only on what she was seeing.

It wasn't much, other then obvious turmoil for Bella... She would have to make a decision involving me before we could see anything else. But that didn't matter. I couldn't not fight for her. Not when she was the only good thing left in this world, the only thing that I had left to hold onto. My precious Bella, who gave me a reason to exist...

"Don't do this, Edward... If you hurt her again..." She didn't finish but I felt what she meant. She would never forgive me. I knew she was trying to help, but I wasn't paying attention to her thoughts anymore. Carisle tried to talk but I didn't listen. They didn't understand...

Being back in town, so close to her, was making it harder for me to think straight, and to remember why I was letting her go. I kept being reminded of what I was missing, of all the wasted seconds I had spent away from her and it was getting more and more unclear as to why I was doing it. Then having the mental image, even though it was through human eyes, of her withering and panting, and saying _his _name... It had done nothing but fuel my own fantasies and make me crave her even more.

Everyone was thinking at me, except for Alice who was actually mentally yelling at me, and it was distracting. I needed quite, so I could think. I fled the house and headed for the Meadow, ignoring the chorus of "Edward's!" thought by everyone behind me.

Once I was alone, I decided that the best thing to do would be to ease myself back into her life gradually. I would know when the time was right to make my move and claim her as mine. _My Bella... _

Dusk settled and I waited as long as I could stand before I finally gave in and ran to her house to check on her. I scanned Charlies' thoughts, and was glad that he at least, thought this wasn't such a good idea. Bella was pacing. I could tell she was anxious and feeling fidgety. Was she having second doubts? How I longed to hear her thoughts....

She threw her window open unexpectedly, and even though I knew I was hidden in the trees, I still shrank further back into the darkness. I caught her scent in the air and closed my eyes and savored the way it made my throat burn and my mouth flood with venom. I waited as she finally laid down and eventually fell asleep. I slowly made my way closer, and even though I knew I wouldn't get caught as long as I stayed alert and in control, I still felt nervous. Being close to her always made me feel like this though...

I breezed silently into her room and froze at the end of her bed and drank her in. She was wearing a shirt that came down to her mid-thigh and nothing else. I tired to banish the thoughts that threatened to take over my brain, the ones of her moaning and said _my _name. She tossed a little and caught my attention, and I tensed in response. Once she was still I faintly, but defiantly heard her say,

"I am so hot..."

So that's what was bothering her... I weighed my options, and as much as I wanted to go to her, I didn't think this would go along with my plan to take it slow. But when she thrashed again, I couldn't help myself and I leaned forward and touched her forehead. Her skin was searing, but it was the most soft and beautiful thing I had ever beheld. She moved her head, looking for the feeling again, and I gave in a second time. I brushed my palm against her cheek and she leaned into my hand. Any reserve I had left melted away when I heard her sigh and say,

"Edward..."

An elated feeling of joy rose through me from the bottom of my damned soul and I felt like I was soaring. She felt me, and knew who it was. I was still in her heart. I felt like I might have a chance, after all. I slid onto her tiny bed with her and touched her neck, cooling the skin there. I could feel the life throbbing inside her and it was intoxicating. My mind was filled with all the possibilities as to where this could lead, and in every instance, she was mine. To hold, and to protect. To kiss and make love to. To love and make happy... I was bringing myself closer to her unconsciously, and as if on cue she looked right at me. Her eyes were still foggy from sleep and she groggily asked,

"Is this a dream?"

"Yes." I whispered. I didn't know what to do to convince her that it was, other then to kiss her. I was still cupping her cheek and I slid the hand on her neck around to the back of it and touched my lips gently to hers. It was a sweet kind of pain. It hurt and felt good at the same time. She remained motionless so I deepened the kiss a little more, something I'd not done often. She finally moved her lips against mine and let her hands trail across my arms and face, like she was trying to check and see if I was really there. I tired to kiss her more to distract her, but she started to kiss me back. Her tongue slipped out and brushed past my lips right when I was going in for more, and I tasted her. My body was responding to her, as were my vampire instincts and it didn't help that she had pressed her body up against mine. I was drowning in her, but I couldn't find the will to surface. I gave in and opened my mouth for her and let her succulence take over my brain for a moment. I pushed her into the pillow and kissed her like I never had before. The kiss was like a promise to her and I let it go until I couldn't anymore, and pulled away at the last possible second. I cursed my self for risking it. I did a mental check of my hold on her and released her, since I was afraid I'd been squeezing to tightly. She seemed to realize I was really there and she looked as confused as she must have felt...

"Wh... Edward?" She licked her lips, and that, along with my name, was my undoing. I let out a weak moan and gave into her sweet lips one more time. If only I could make this last, and keep the words from coming out... But now that she was aware, she was fighting and pushing me off. I let her go and moved away. She sat up a little and asked, "What are you doing here?"

"Changing everything..." I admitted. That was as much truth as I could give her right then. She touched her lips with the tip of her finger and it all seemed to click into place...

"But you... I'm... Jake...." She was babbling and getting upset. What had I done?

"I'm sorry, Bella, I didn't mean to make this so hard on you." I tired to slid out of her bed but I felt her clamp her hand around my wrist, trying to keep me from leaving.

"Don't you try to disappear on me without some kind of explanation..." She hissed. I looked her in the eyes and let it all flood out.

"I give, Bella. I can't do it anymore. I can't sit back and keep wasting time like this any longer. It's useless for me to fight it. I love you, I have to be with you, I have to have you! You're mine..." I stopped when she looked at me like she didn't understand what she was seeing.

"I wonder what it was that made you change your mind?" She released my wrist like she had been burned. "Is it because you've finally given in to your feelings, or is it the fact I said yes to Jake?" There was a little truth in both of those, so I didn't say anything. She could believe which ever one she wanted. This was her choice. Her eyes hardened and she continued with, "It doesn't even matter... Whatever we had, it's over. That window wasn't left open for you." I could almost feeling myself shattering into a million little pieces and falling into an unrecognizable pattern. Nothing could make sense. I would not accept this.

"No... I can make this up to you. I will find a way to fix this, somehow, I promise." She took a breath to say something, but I was faster then her as I leaned forward and pressed my lips to hers for a brief second, then stepped over to the window. Her eyes darted to catch up to me, and I looked back at her as I slid out of the window and said,

"Sweet Dreams."


	33. Chapter 33: Finally Free

Chapter 33: Finally Free

::Bella POV::

After Edward disappeared out of my window, I crumbled on my bed and wept. My head was swimming from what had just happened, and it took me a few seconds to calm my breathing. I ran a finger across my lips again. They still felt cold.

That was most defiantly not a dream. Everything replayed in my mind...

I remembered being pulled awake by his unnaturally cold touch. But even when I had opened my eyes, I felt like I was still dreaming. Mainly because all I could see was Edward, only a few inches away from my face. When he told me it was a dream I wasn't sure, but when he closed the space between our lips, I had pretty much believed him. How could that have been real?

I was frozen for a moment, but then, betrayed by my body, it began to respond. But when he increased the pressure, it was like something clicked, that didn't make sense. I ran my hands along his arms and pressed into him. I could really _feel _him. I knew it wasn't some figment of my imagination.

But the moment I had come to that realization, I felt something about him change, something seemed to be released... Edward had never given me a kiss like that before. It was nothing but raw emotion and his basic reactions breaking through. I thought I might drown from the intensity of it. My heart rate sped up just thinking about it. It ended abruptly, leaving me breathless. I was so confused and disoriented I felt like I couldn't get anything out right. His second kiss was just an act of desperate measures, and now that I was fully aware of what was going on, it was also unwelcome. I pushed against him, but couldn't actually force him off. When he did back away, I shivered at the look in his charcoal black eyes. I shivered again at the memory...

His words had pierced my heart like thousands of tiny needles. There was once a time when I would have given up my very life to hear those things form his lips... But I didn't want to listen to it now. I couldn't help but ask what had been his reason for coming, and his silence seemed to clear my head a little. It took a lot for me to say that to him, but I could almost feel the freedom of closure, until I say the look on his face. It was the one I had worn for months after he had left. I didn't think it would possible for his eyes to look anymore dead then they already did, but I was wrong. I still felt haunted by them.

It was only Five AM, but I was too wired to go back to sleep. I knew I had to do something to keep my mind busy, so I begun to get ready for my day. As I showered, I was assaulted with even more guilt. Even though I hadn't instigated that in anyway, I felt like I had been unfaithful to Jake. I had promised myself to him, and that was not something either of us took lightly. I could just imagine how I would feel if Jake had been kissed by another girl. A monster seemed to swell in my chest, full of anger and hurt, and even the need to strike.

_He is mine._

I shook my head though, reminding myself I had nothing to worry about. He loves me. I sighed quietly and wished for time to fly, so that we could just get married. Then things wouldn't be so complicated... Hopefully.

After my shower, I went through my normal routine. Brushing my teeth, getting dressed, but I stopped before taking my pill. I always took it when I woke up in the mornings, out of habit, but I wondered why I bothered anymore? I wasn't even sexually active at this point, and by the time I would be again, I'd be married. I looked at what was in my hand for a minute, at the round little circle that could control so much it was known as _the _pill, then decided I didn't need those anymore. Without a second thought, I threw the rest into the trashcan.

Once I was ready for school, I went to the kitchen and made a pot of coffee. I decided to review for my first last exam; Calculus. I felt confident in my abilities to pass it, but it wouldn't hurt to look over it one more time. I had two cups by the time I heard Charlies' alarm sound. I made us some eggs and toast that were ready by the time he made it downstairs, and he smiled when he saw my books laying out and wished me luck. After I ate and had another cup, I paced around with my study guide until I couldn't take it anymore. The caffeine roaring through my system was making me jittery, and I felt anxious to get today over with.

I drove slowly to school, and dwaddled as much as humanly possible, but was still a little early. Since it was exam time, our schedules were different. We went to the class we were taking the exam in and stayed there throughout the first part of the day. Being seniors, we had the privilege of leaving after we were done testing, and for that I was thankful. It meant I was that much closer to Jake.

Once school started we reviewed as a class for a bit, then had some quite study time. My legs bounced and I tapped my pencil. I was relived when the tests were finally passed out and I had something constructive to do. It was relatively hard, and I finished in just under an hour. I double checked and felt confident in all of my answers. I was to wait another hour until every test was passed in and we were dismissed.

When I made it to my truck, I drove straight to Jake's. I had hoped he would still be asleep when I got there, but he was running up sidewalk in his pajamas with a huge grin on his face when I parked in front of his house. I guessed my truck had given me away. By the time I shut my door, he had reached me and lifted me into a bear hug that crushed the wind out of me.

"You're here early." He commented.

"Yeah. Being a senior does have some perks." We walked inside and went straight to his bedroom where we cuddled up together on his bed. I felt more calm and relaxed then I had all day. He brushed his fingers around on the exposed skin at my middle and asked,

"So how did your exam go?"

"Really good, I think. Hopefully that will be the last math test I have to take in a long time..." I was reminded of all the unanswered 'Charlie Questions' I had, and tried to ease into them.

"What have you been doing today?" He now had his palm pressed flat, as he caressed me all over.

"Nothing much. Killing time..."

"You know, I never even asked you what you were doing about school..." I admitted.

"Well, the teachers are council members, so they know everything that's going on. I still do what I can when we have time, but it's really not a big deal."

"Yes is it! You need to go to school, so you can graduate!"

"Yeah, but I've got my diploma, so that's all that matters." He said with a shrug. I looked at him questioningly and he explained, "My school is different then yours. It's kind of considered a home school, but we still have to pass all the standardized state tests. I took mine earlier this year and passed them. Didn't I tell you?" I shook my head in astonishment. He was a year younger and a grade below me but still got his diploma before I did. I knew which school I'd pick for our children. He continued, "I'm sure it's here somewhere, I got it in the mail. I'm not sure where I put it..." He stopped rubbing me and looked around a little then shrugged again. Well, that was easy. In a few days, we would both be high school graduates. But there were still a lot of unanswered questions left.

"So what would you like to do now that school is out of the way?" I pressed.

"I haven't really thought about it. I'll probably just fix up cars. That's really the only thing I like to do."

"That's a good job though, people will always need to get their cars fixed." I said, thinking of people like me who were mechanically challenged. He began rubbing on me again, and I got lost in thought. That was easy, too. Hopefully Charlie would see that as him being able to 'support' me. I felt a little sad though. Jake seemed to have all the answers without even worrying about it, and here I am without a clue as to what I want. I was determined to contribute, and pull my share of the weight. But how? Jake cut into my thoughts.

"What are you thinking about?"

"Um... Well, about my... Our future." I said honestly.

"Oh. Is that good?"

"Yeah... I'm just... thinking."

"You're having second thoughts..." he mumbled. He tried to pull away but I latched onto him and said,

"Actually, no. I was thinking about all that we are going to need to make this work. Like jobs, so we can have money, so we can get our own place to live..." He stopped me.

"You don't have to worry about those things." I sat up a little so I could look at him.

"How do you figure? Love doesn't pay the bills, Jake." I reiterated what Charlie told me. He sighed.

"I know that... What I mean is, I've got those things covered." He offered, like he hoped that was enough. I looked at him patiently until he said, "Well, I had planned on this being a surprise, but you need to know..."

"Okay, then tell me." He shook his head and got up. He took something out of his dresser, put it in his pocket and said,

"Come on, I'll show you." We both put on our shoes and walked through the house, waving to Billy as we passed, and out into the back yard. I walked in the direction of his garage because I thought he would be driving, but he pulled me towards the trees and said,

"This way. It's a short cut." I swallowed reflexively but allowed myself to be towed away.

We walked along a smooth path for about five minutes, but the further we went, it looked less worn. I paid attention to my feet and the ground, and thankfully we emerged from the trees into someone's back yard with out any incidences.

"Who's house is this?" I asked, as Jake led me up to the deck and kept walking to the back door. He pulled a key ring out of his pocket and said,

"Ours." I glanced at the house, but was sure I had never been here before.

"What do you mean?" He took an old golden key and unlocked the door and let me inside. I looked around and noticed we were in a large kitchen with an island in the middle and some appliances left behind. Jake stood over by a table and said, as I looked around,

"This was my grandparents house. My mom grew up here. They died when I was about twelve, and she got the house. We cleaned it out some, and they talked about selling it, but never did. And now, I mean, my dad has no use for it since it has two floors, and both my sister's have their own place. So I figured, if you liked it, we could start off here." I was speechless. "I had intended on giving it to you as sort of a wedding present, but you needed to know so you wouldn't worry." He was watching me closely, waiting for my reaction.

"Jake, this is amazing! You have a house!" I stated, not quite believing it.

"Well, I was hoping _we _had a house."

"Yes!" I said, without even having to think about it.

"Are you sure? You haven't even seen the rest of it..." I walked up to him and leaned up as far as I could and pulled him down the rest of the way to me and captured his lips. I didn't care what it looked like, all I knew was that Jake and I had our own place. And all I could do was kiss him. When we parted, I tried to put my gratitude into words.

"Thank you for always thinking and taking care of everything. It all seems to be falling perfectly into place, and I have you to thank for that. I owe you more then just a few hours of my time. I owe you for so much. You are all that is good in my life. I can't wait to marry you Jake, and be your wife. I promise I will take care of you like you do me. I will please you as much as you can possibly stand and I won't stop until you are the happiest man alive. I love you with all of my heart, and I will for as long as it's beating." He had listened quietly as I talked, but now I was dieing for him to say something. He had a smile on as he wrapped his arms around me and brought me in for a gentle but sensual kiss. There were no hurried movements, just slow and sure ones. He lifted me up and sat me on the table and ducked his head so he could keep kissing me. The intensity seemed to have went up a notch, but he was still unhurried as he took over my mouth. When he pulled out lips apart with a squelching noise I was gasping for air and noticed Jake seemed just as winded. He rested his forehead against mine and chuckled a little.

"What?" I whispered.

"If I'd have known _that's _how you'd feel about it, I would have shown you this place sooner." I smiled and tapped his arms so he would let me down, which he did.

"Well, why don't you me a tour of our new house?" I said excitedly.

"Wait, there's more..." I waited for him to fill me in. "There's some money, also. Inheritance from my grandparents and some from my Mom's life insurance. I'll have access to it once I turn Eighteen, and I'm not sure exactly how much there is, but..." I cut him off.

"I don't care how much there is... I'm glad it's there if we need it though." He seemed relieved and launched into showing me around and filling me in on the history of the house. It was old, but built sturdy. The kitchen led into an open living room with large windows and hard wood floors. There was also a half bath under the stairs. On the next floor, there were three bedrooms, two with a connecting full bath and a master bedroom with it's own private bathroom. I loved everything, including the remaining furniture, but the master bath had to be my favorite place in the whole house.

It was huge, with his and her sinks and plenty of counter space. But the best part about it was the garden tub. It was large enough for two people to have plenty of room to move around in. I wanted nothing more then to fill it to the rim with water and bubbles and soak in it with Jake until we were both wrinkled like a prune and completely relaxed.

I was already forming ideas in my head for some light remodeling. Mostly just some paint touch ups and other updates. When we made our way back downstairs, I looked at Jake with nothing but pure excitement on my face. I told him again how happy I was and we sat in the living room for a little bit.

"Look, my Granddad's old acoustic!" He exclaimed and took it out of it's case.

"You can play the guitar?" I asked, astonished.

"Yeah, some. It's been awhile though...." He started plucking at the cords and made a face as he tightened the cord until it sounded right to him, and moved onto the next one. I watched him, and felt like I didn't really know as much about him as I wished. But we had the rest of our lives to learn everything about each other, and for now, I was content to listen to him strumming softly on the old guitar. After he got it in tune he started picking out something familiar to me.

"I know that. Hotel California." He nodded and we both said at the same time,

"I love that song." He looked up at me from over his guitar and smiled, and so did I. I reached over and pushed back his hair and marveled over him. Thunder crashed outside, making me jump and him look around.

"We better hurry..."

We locked up and walked back to the forest, but before we went far I turned back and looked at the house. Jake's hand found mine and engulfed it. I looked over at him, then back at the house.

"Ours." I said.

"Ours." He confirmed. It started to drizzle, so we hurried along the path back to his house. Despite the cover from the trees, as the rain fell harder, we got soaked. Jake urged me along quicker then I could really keep up with, and my feet felt unsure as they landed on the muddying trail. I did my best to keep up with him, but I had to match two steps to his one. It didn't take long until my feet got tangled and I tripped. Since I was holding Jake's hand I thankfully didn't fall flat on my face into the accumulating water, but I did bang up my knees pretty good. Jake was down by my side in an instant. I couldn't hold back my grunt of pain.

"Bella! Oh God, I'm so sorry. Are you okay?" I nodded and let him help me into a more comfortable sitting position so he could check me for injuries.

"Where does it hurt?" he asked, his eyes concerned as he raised my pants leg. There wasn't any blood thankfully, and I said,

"I'm fine." He felt around on me and I watched him, mesmerized my the water running down his face and neck and arms. I was completely captivated by what an amazingly beautiful person I had sitting in front of me. His forehead was creased with a worry line you didn't often see; His hands were as graceful as always; It hit me in that moment that I loved this man. I had known it before, even felt it, but right then I knew.

He smoothed his hands over my joints and when he was satisfied he asked again, "Are you okay?" I ignored him and kissed his lips. He made a muffled "Oomph" of surprise, and let me get away with it for a moment before he easily but effectively pried me away. "Really, Bella. Are you hurt?"

"No, I'm fine... I just feel like kissing you..." I went in for more but he stopped me.

"Is your ankle okay?" I gave up and said,

"I'm fine, seriously." And tried to stand up. Before I could even raise myself off the ground Jake had one arm under my legs, the other at my back and lifted me effortlessly into his arms. I huddled into his warm embrace and wrapped my arms around his neck. He looked ahead while taking longer and quicker strides then before. The rain seemed to intensify when we made it into the open of his back yard. He rushed us up the steps and into the house. I was shivering and I knew he noticed even though I was trying to hide it. I didn't see Billy anywhere, but Jake took me right to his room. He placed my feet on the floor and kicked the door shut behind him. He immediately began flinging off his wet clothes while he stepped forward and helped me out of mine.

He had me undressed in seconds and I did feel better just having the wet clothes off. He grabbed the blanket that was bunched up at the corner of his bed and wrapped me in it while I snuggled up to his bare chest. I plastered my naked body against him and let him squeeze me tightly while his body heat seeped into me. It didn't take me long to stop trembling, and when I did he moved us to the bed to lay down. His erection was tucked between us, a physical reminder of our sexual frustration. When I shifted to get closer I made him gasp and groan.

"Sorry..." He shook his head and held me close. I tried not to think about it, but all I could feel was Jake against me, and I couldn't stop my nipple's from hardening against his chest. I could feel the same ache I'd been harboring for him rise within me, and I felt like groaning too. He inhaled deeply and sighed heavily. I looked up at him and saw he had pained look on his face and I felt responsible. "Why can't you just do what I know you want to?"

"I have restrictions, remember?" He ground out.

"What are they exactly? How did Sam put it?" He sounded slightly mechanical as he repeated back to me,

"Jacob, you are not allowed to participate in sexual activities with Bella." I thought about it for a second, trying to find a loophole, but he said, "I can't find a way around it either." I thought of something though...

"But you've been able to do some things... Like when you 'helped' me." I reminded him.

"Oh that. Well, I jut told myself it wasn't sexual. I was surprised it worked, but I wasn't technically have sex, though." He pointed out.

"Well, I think Sam is out of line. What does Emily have to say about all this?" I asked, taking it for granted that she already knew, and apparently she did.

"She's not taking sides. She's just been trying to help by giving me advice."

"Like what?"

"She thinks that this might help us in the long run. It's tests our love and will make it stronger. She just said to make the best of it..." I thought about that and he continued. "I guess she's right though. It does all come down to love in the end... Doesn't it?" I cuddled back up to him and agreed. "I love you, Bella." he said very seriously. I could feel him waiting with bated breath for my response. I sat up again and looked into his eyes. I rubbed his cheek and tried to convince him again that I meant it.

"I love you, Jacob." He relaxed somewhat, but not as much as I wanted. I wished there was something I could do about Sam... Than I had a thought. It was still early in the day, so I asked Jake if he wanted to go to Sam's and hang out for a little bit. He asked why and I said,

"Because I wanted to talk to Emily." Thankfully he didn't ask me what about, and just said,

"Okay, but first..."

He flipped us over and attacked me, making me laugh and squirm before he took hold of me and kissed me sweetly again, like he had earlier. It was like he was memorizing my mouth with his, and he wasn't leaving anything unexplored.

After we were done rolling around on his bed, he got some of my clothes that I had left there for me to put on. I was thankful to have something clean and dry to wear. He drove this time since the rain was still sloshing everywhere. Jake didn't even bother to call, we just showed up and walked right in.

When we arrived, Emily was in the kitchen, prepping for her meal tonight and Sam was taking a nap. Leah and Seth Clearwater were there, also. Seth gave me an enthusiastic greeting, while I got an eye roll from Leah. I felt a little annoyed at her myself, since I had hoped to talk to Emily alone. Jake also seemed to be hanging on a little longer then usual. By now he was usually eye ball deep in some male form of entertainment. But tonight he kept his arm around me, tucking me into his side like we were joined at the hip.

"Why don't you guys go play a video game? You'll just get in the way in here." I pointed out.

"Are you trying to get rid of us?" Jake asked with a smile.

"No, of course not!" Seth cut in, using his sing song voice and trying to tempt him,

"Come onnn, I brought Gears of War Twoooo!" Jake finally gave in, but before he walked away he scooped me up into a huge, sloppy wet kiss with everyone watching. He released me and I caught a glimpse of his grin as he walked away, but all I could do was catch my breath. Emily smiled and said,

"That was sweet." Leah pushed herself gracefully off the counter she was perched on with an eye roll and said,

"That was disgusting." and followed the boys. Once she was gone, I said,

"That was embarrassing." I could still feel the heat in my cheeks. Emily said,

"Aw, he loves you, he wants to show it off. It's cute. Sam's the same way. I kinda like it." After I thought about it, I said,

"Yeah, I kinda do too. Can I help with anything?"

"Yeah, just get them something to tide them over until supper is ready." I shifted around in the cabinets and refrigerator and ended up making some pizza rolls. I tired to think of the best way to start a conversation with her, but I was less confident now that I was here, trying to talk her into getting me what I wanted without making it seem that way.

I brought them soda while the microwave was going, and noted what was going on. Jake and Seth were both immersed in the action on screen and Leah was sitting on the opposite side of the couch from Jake, looking determinedly at the screen. The microwave dinged so I brought them in and watched as the game was paused long enough for them to shove a few scalding pieces in their mouths then went back to playing while blowing out through their mouths repeatedly, as if that would help cool the food off. Leah hadn't touched her drink or the food, though.

I wondered back into the kitchen and listened as Emily did a verbal check list of everything she needed to do. Once she was sure she was done she said,

"Whew." And looked around, then asked, "Can you keep a secret?" I nodded and she said, "You can't tell Jake, though, because then Sam will know.... You know..."

"Oh yeah, don't worry about it." We slipped out of the back door and walked to the end of the porch. I watched as she reached down into a large flower pot overflowing with flowers and pulled out a pack of Camel cigarettes.

"You smoke?" I asked, surprised.

"No," she said as she lit up, then waved her hand to fan the smoke away and said, "Well, yes. But Sam thinks I quit. I just sneak one every now and then when I get a chance and I really need one. It gives me a moment of quite." She admitted, and inhaled again. I was glad I was upwind from the smoke so that I didn't start coughing. "You aren't saying much." She pointed out.

"I was being quite." I said, with a smile. She ashed over the railing and said,

"Okay, well, what's on your mind?" I decided that it was the best time to begin.

"Well, do you know if... I mean... Does Leah like Jake?"

"Why do you ask?"

"I think she's mad at me... And I don't think I've done anything to make her angry, but..." I told her everything I had noticed.

She exhaled a cloud of smoke and said, "Have you ever felt so... Lonely, and it seemed like everyone around you was just perfectly in love?"

"Oh yeah." I knew exactly what that felt like.

"It's nothing personal to you, she's just in a rough place. Just give her some space." I nodded, hoping that was really what is was, and watched as she breathed in more smoke and let it out, and I felt bad for her lungs.

"You really shouldn't smoke, you know."

"Yeah, I know. Sam would feel so bad if he knew... He's always trying to take care of me..." She drifted for a moment, and her scars seemed to stand out against the shimmering, silvery rain that was still coming out of the sky. "But he doesn't have to worry about me. I'm fine." She looked me in the eyes, and I knew she was probably about as fine as I was when I said that.

"It's like you said though, he loves you. That's what it comes down to in the end. Despite everything life throws at you, you have to keep clinging to the one person in your life that makes it better. The rest will work its self out." She looked intently at me and asked,

"And who is that one person for you?"

"Isn't it obvious?" She thought about it for a minute then said,

"There's a lot about you that is, but I think there are somethings that no one but you can understand." She stamped out her cigarette and unwrapped a piece of gum. As I watched, I realized she was right. I was a mystery to most people. To school friends... Most of the pack, I was sure. The Vampires, defiantly. Edward couldn't read my mind and Alice couldn't see my future properly. To my Dad, especially. But...

"Jake understands. He gets me. He's the only one, though." She smiled approvingly and said,

"There you have it. You have found your 'one person.'" I felt more comfortable now, and smiled back as I voice in my head said, 'She's on our side, too!' But I said,

"Thank you." She seemed to understand that. She started gushing about Jake.

"He really does love you. If I didn't have my Sam I'd probably feel just as jealous as Leah, even though I see Jacob more as a family member then anything else. He's a special guy. One of those people who you hope get all the happiness in life they deserve. You are one lucky girl." I suddenly felt really emotional and had to fight the lump that rose in my throat.

"I know. Sometimes, I know I don't deserve him. But I'm too selfish. I love him so much I can't even consider to letting him go." The tears came unwillingly, and I sat down on the top and only dry step and cried. She put a reassuring arm around my shoulders and rubbed my arm.

"But he thinks you do deserve it, and that is what counts. He wouldn't want you to let him go. He would do anything to keep that from happening. He even cooked for you, and you know his skills in the kitchen are limited to the microwave." I laughed despite the tears that were flowing. I felt a sister-like connection with her in that moment. It reminded me a little of what I missed the most about my mom. I wiped my eyes and said,

"Thanks, I need this... Someone normal to talk to."

"Anytime, kiddo." She stood and got her pack of cigarettes and said, "Here, take these. I'm really through with them this time." I took the box and asked,

"Are you sure? What do you want me to do with them?"

"Just throw them away, but not here. Out of the house. I don't even want to think of it anymore. It's a disgusting habit."

"Yep. Full of poisons, also. You will be doing your body and Sam a favor." She nodded, but eyed the pack for a second then said,

"Well, maybe just _one _more. For tonight! No, I know I don't need it, but this will be the last one." I gave in and opened the pack. About half were remaining, and I took one out but didn't hand it over yet.

"Promise me this will be your last one."

"I promise!" I handed it over and she said sighed and went to hide it as she said, "Thanks, I owe you one." It was now or never...

"What, like, a favor?" I tried to sound casual.

"Sure, what do you need?"

"There is one thing..." I paused, rather to collect my thoughts or for dramatic effect, I don't know, but she prompted me with,

"Come on, tell me."

"I want you to talk to Sam. I want him to remove Jake's restrictions." I knew this wasn't what she had expected, but she looked interested and asked,

"Why?" I was completely honest.

"Because I am afraid of what all this strain is going to do to him! He needs some sort of outlet. He just gets so agitated sometimes, and it's like he might explode, and then he feels so guilty afterward... Also because I feel like it's our business, and our decision to make. How would Sam do if you cut him off for weeks and weeks?" She nodded her head, and seemed to understand that point, at least.

"Listen, I will talk to him, but I can't force him to do anything." I nodded and said,

"That's fine, I'll take all the help I can get." We were about to go back inside but she stopped me and said,

"Wait, if I have to talk to him about this, then I'm going to need another cigarette!" I gave in again, but said,

"Last one!" and shoved them roughly in my pocket, hopefully breaking a few. We walked into the house and heard the guys being rowdy in the living room, which seemed to have woken Sam who was walking though the swinging kitchen door.

"Hey, I was looking for you." He said to Emily. He took her hand and pulled her into his arms so he could give her a brief but sensual kiss on the lips. He then turned to talk to me while still holding onto her with one arm. "Bella. How are you?" He talked for a moment, and I smiled at Emily. She looked so much smaller then him, standing that close, but when their eyes met something in them seemed to spark and you knew that they were in love. And they knew that everyone else knew. It was beautiful. It made me want Jake.

The front door opened and I walked into the living room to see who it was. Jake seemed to notice me as soon as I came through the door and put his controller down and snagged my hand, pulling me down to sit in his lap. Quil and Embry had arrived, looking taller and buffer then ever. My face burned when I remembered the things knew, but they were nice and didn't act differently towards me. The living room was now crowded, and I noticed Leah's death stare from the other side of the couch so I looked at Jake and motioned to the other room. We got up and walked into the dark hallway and to the den that was empty of people. Jake sat on the love seat and I sat beside him.

"So what did y'all talk about?"

"You." I admitted. "And some girl things." I hoped he knew that was all he was going to get.

"Do you want to stay for dinner?"

"I don't know... Charlie..."

"Well he can come over too."

"I guess I could call him..." I called his work number, but he wasn't there. We saw Sam and Emily sneaking upstairs and Jake gave him a mean look as they walked by. When I finally reached Charlie at his desk about Thirty minutes later I started out with,

"Dad, you really need to get a cell phone." He grumbled something about a nuisance, but I asked what he wanted to do for dinner. It turns out he already had plans to watch some Monday Night Football with Jake's Dad at his house, so I was free to do whatever I wanted. Jake was really happy about that, but we couldn't think of what we wanted to do. All this free time seemed so unusual, all we could think was to spend our time together.

He kissed me some more, but I was distracted by thoughts of what Emily might be saying, and Jake could tell.

"We don't have to stay here, we can do whatever you want." He said.

"I know, but I want to stay. At least a little longer." We went back into the main living room and sat down on the couch. I was now sandwiched between Leah on one side and Jake on the other, and he was sitting next to Quil. I smiled at Leah but she didn't even look at me. Jake was now absorbed into the game, so I decided to be friendly. I licked my lips and turned to Leah and said,

"Boys and their toys." Indicating to the T.V. She nodded. "I can never figure these games out. Too many things going on at once, you know?" She finally looked at me,

"Actually, I like this game. And I'm good at it." She left it at that.

"That's cool." I was trying to think of something to say when I heard muffled yelling and stomping from above. No one else said anything so I didn't either. When I heard more yelling I looked up at the ceiling and over at Leah in alarm.

"Don't worry, this is typical. First, they sneak off. Then they fight, then later, the make up sex." She rolled her eyes the same way she had earlier, and now I felt completely sure that she wasn't mad at me, she was just mad in general. I tried to keep the conversation going, then suddenly Sam walked through the room and to the kitchen door while saying,

"Jacob. Outside. Now." He gave my hand a quick squeeze before jumping up to follow him through the door, while all the boys made, "Ooooo" sounds. Emily came walking by a minute later and motioned for me to follow her, which I did. When I caught up to her she had her ear pressed up to the back door. Once I was closer I could hear Sam saying,

"... Didn't ask her to talk to Em?"

"No." I heard Jake clearer, he was closer to the door. "We came over because she wanted to talk to her, I thought it was you know, a girl thing." I could almost hear him shrugging his shoulders. Sam made a noise with his throat.

"I want you to be completely honest with me now. What's the one thing you want more than anything?" Jake answered immediately.

"Just to be the one Bella loves the most." He didn't say anything about that, just asked,

"And if I refused to remove your restrictions even after you got married, would you still go through with it?"

"Of course. I would do anything to make sure she was mine. But why? Why would you do that?" He didn't sound mad, but I knew he was boiling under the surface. Sam said,

"I'm not going to do that. I just wanted to know what you would say." He paused and I was sure nothing good had just came from what I did. But then, "Jacob, I remove your restrictions. You can do whatever you want with Bella. But you better not make me regret this decision." My eyes were wide with shock and Emily was smiling triumphantly before pulling me away from the door. I was a little disappointed that I didn't get to here Jake's response, but at least I knew what was going on. We were finally free.

But something else was bothering me now. I could still here the doubt in everything Jake had said. He still wasn't convinced that he hadn't won me over. I caught my reflection in the window over the sink and made a silent vow to Jake. It was my own fault that he was unsure of my love, and I would do whatever it took to prove it to him. When they finally came back through the door, I turned to Emily and said,

"Well, thanks for everything. We will stop by again soon."

"Don't you want to stay for dinner?" She asked, knowing very well we wouldn't.

Once we finally made it out to the car, I had only one thing on my mind, but I didn't want to let him know I had been eavesdropping, so I was waiting for him to tell me. After about thirty seconds I couldn't take it anymore.

"What did Sam say? He sounded mad." Jake snapped out of it a little bit.

"Huh? No, he wasn't mad." He cleared his throat and glanced over at me, than back at the road. "Whatever you said to Emily must have worked. He removed my restrictions."

"So now we can finally be together? For good?" Jake seemed to have driven to his house out of habit, and before he parked into his makeshift garage I saw that my Dad hadn't made it there yet. He put the car in park and turned it off before he finally said,

"Yes. For good." I managed to wait until his seat belt was off before I flung myself across the seat at him. I grabbed his head and starting kissing him and trying to get my body as close to his as I could, but instead of pulling me closer, he was pushing me away.

"Bella... Bella, easy..." I leaned back and said,

"What? Why are you stopping me?" I ignored him and straddled his hips. I was thankful he was so tall that he had to have the seat pushed all the way back, or I wouldn't have had room because of the steering wheel. I tired to kiss him again, but he said,

"No, not here, okay?" I looked around to see what was wrong with here, and said,

"Why not?" We were alone, and out of sight and together! What more did he want?

"Because... I don't want our second 'first time' to be in my car..."

"Okay, lets go to my house then, since Billy and Charlie are going to be here tonight." He didn't look like he was really happy about that either... "What?" I asked, trying to keep the impatience tone out of my voice.

"Well, that's hardly romantic..." I gave him a look and he continued, "I wanted to do something nice for you..." I stopped him.

"If you want to do something for me, then pick a place. I just want you. Now!" He shook his head.

"But a quickie isn't going to satisfy my appetite for you, and I'm sure it wouldn't do much for you either." He was right about that, but I had about enough.

"Listen, I don't care where we go, but I'm not going to be told 'No' anymore. Now, hurry up and decide where you want to go before I just have my way with you right here, rather you like it or not!" Though I was sure he would like it. His look was a little challenging for a moment, but I tired a different tactic. "Please, Jake. I need you. Please?" I knew I was sounding desperate, but seriously! I knew I had won when he groaned.

"Fine! Lets go to your house so we don't have to worry about being quite." Oh, God!

"Yes, please!" I kissed him again and he finally responded the way I wanted him to. He reached up and ran his hands along my sides and back until he made it down to cup my bottom, and grabbed one hand full of me and another hand full of cigarettes. Crap! I'd forgotten. Hopefully he didn't notice. I opened my eyes and yes, he had noticed. He pulled them out of my back pocket, held them up and said,

"Are these yours?" I tired to think of something to say... I couldn't rat Emily out since she had done so much for me, so I did something I said I wouldn't ever do to Jake again; I lied.

"Oh, I bought those a long time ago... Just to, you know, see what the big deal about them was." He looked at me like he didn't believe me, but said,

"I've never smelled cigarettes on you..."

"Well, I didn't try them when I was around anyone. I don't smoke though, so you don't have anything to worry about."

"Then why are you carrying them around?" I gave him an exasperated look.

"I found them and I was going to throw them away! But I haven't had a chance yet..." That was at least part truth.

"Well, you know smoking is bad for you. I just want you to stay healthy..." He looked really concerned. Was it really that big of a deal to him?

"I know, believe me, this is not a habit I will ever pick up." He seemed to feel a little bit better, but I slid off of his lap and into the seat next to him. He started the car again, and once we had pulled out I saw my Dad's truck parked behind mine. Good. Hopefully that meant we wouldn't be interrupted.

Once we had made it to the main road, I saw Jake adjusting himself out of the corner of me eye, and I decided I couldn't wait until we made it to my house. I ducked my head under his arm and went right for his zipper. He looked down at his lap in shock and said, "Bella... Wha... Stop!"

"Keep your eyes on the road!" I barked at him, and he did.

I got everything undone and gently worked him out of his pants. I reached out and barely touched him with the tips of my fingers and he inhaled sharply, but didn't say to stop. I tentatively kissed the tip and felt him jerk a little. I didn't waste anymore time and engulfed as much as him in my mouth as I could. I let out a muffled moan and he whimpered. It felt so good not to be held back.

I went slow, giving him long languid strokes with both my mouth and my hand. When I had gone down as far as I could Jake made another noise and wrapped one of his hands into my hair. I pulled back and said,

"Hands on the wheel!" He sighed, but listened and gripped it tightly with both hands, and I could have swore I felt him push on the gas paddle even more. When I wrapped my lips around him again he started talking and mumbling,

"Ah, Bella... Mmm, soo good."

We made it to my house quickly and once we were parked again I let him go. He quickly re-buttoned his pants then dragged me up to him and kissed me hard. He kneaded at my breasts and caressed me through my clothes, but I'd had enough of that.

"Inside. Now." He opened his door and we both got out on the same side. He scooped me into his arms and jogged to the front door, where I fumbled and scrambled to get it unlocked while neither of us could stop laughing.

Once inside, he chased me up the stairs and when I got to the top I said, "Restroom" and stared to walk away, but he pulled me in for another kiss and said,

"Hurry..." Which, I did. After I was done, I decided to make an entrance and stripped of all of my clothes. When I walked into my room, Jake was standing in his boxers with his back to me. I walked forward, but before I could put my arms around him, I realized something was wrong. He was tense. I moved around to the side of him and saw he was looking at my bed like it had personally offended him. Then I realized with it was. He knew Edward had been here.

"Jake..." I began quietly, but he cut me off.

"He was in your _bed?" _I felt so cold and exposed. I crossed my arms over my breasts in an effort to protect myself and said,

"Yes. This morning." He still hadn't even looked at me.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I didn't want to upset you! Nothing happened!"

"He was in your bed, and nothing happened?" He sounded sarcastic. I looked away from him. This was something I couldn't lie about... If we were ever to have a successful marriage, we would have to be honest with each other. I blurted out,

"He kissed me." Jake swore and breathed,

"I _knew _it."

"No! You don't know! Listen, I will tell you everything, just promise to hear me out. His body was shaking with suppressed rage, but I went to him anyways. I opened my arms and pressed myself into him warmth. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. I started talking.

"He was here when I woke up... I had left my window open. He kissed me, and that's what made me come to my senses and wake all the way up. He tried again but I stopped him. I guess he just found out about us getting married, because... He said... That he was going to fight for me... But I told him that it was over for us, and then he kissed me once again, then left. That's all."

"You told him that?" I tired not to roll my eyes.

"Yes, of course! I agreed to marry you, Jake. As in, be with you for the rest of my life! I want to be with you and _only _you!" I cupped his face and said, "Look at me!" When he did, I said, "I love you, Jacob Black! Do you hear me? I'll do whatever I have to do to prove it, but you have to know that you are the one I love the most!" His eyes seemed to widen at my choice of words. I knew he was highly aware of my body pressed against his, and I could feel him slowly reaching for me.

"I believe you." He held me, then finally kissed me again. I felt so happy and complete, and I was sure everything was fine now, but then he said, "I'll be right back." He let me go and walked over to my window, opened it and pulled off his boxers.

"What? You're leaving?" I was confused. He didn't answer, so I grabbed onto his wrist in a way that was slightly familiar. He was very serious when he said,

"Bella, let me go. I don't want you to get hurt." I reluctantly stepped back, and as soon as I was out of the way he erupted into a his fuzzy form and bounded out of my window. I cursed like Jake had earlier. I was so close...

I turned and attacked my bed for something to do. I was so mad I couldn't even cry. I jerked the sheets off and threw them all into the laundry basket, even my comforter. Once it was bare I went to my closet and grabbed a bottle of Fa-breeze and sprayed it down, then flipped it over and did it again, just for good measure. I walked naked through the house to get fresh sheets and pillowcases, and once it was put back together I sighed in disappointment. I walked to my window and looked at the back yard, waiting for some hint of Jake's return.

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A/N: I know my updates have been practically non-existent thanks to the theft of my pretty laptop (sadface) BUT, I'm not letting the bad guys win. I am trying to get this posted though. Any reviews would be much appreciated, and would make me smile. So, please let me know what you think!


	34. Chapter 34: Man to Man

Chapter 34: Man to Man

::Edward POV::

I almost cursed just like Bella and Jacob did. I had counted on him not knowing about my advances. This was definatly going to make things more complicated.

His thoughts were slightly coherent. Mostly all he could focus on was what he wanted to say to me. But his whirlwind of emotions weren't what I was worried about. How should I proceed from here? It would be only moments before he came across my scent, then an altercation would ensue. I could either be the good guy, who won't push anything, or the bad guy... Which was just too tempting.

I stayed on my perch in the tree tops, waiting to see what would happen. Jacob was running a little off course from me, and I had to resist the urge to make a noise. When he had almost passed me, making me smile a little at all the names he was thinking of calling me, he froze and growled loudly. He finally smelled me.

[_Come out, you coward, you stinking blood sucker, you..._]

I cut off his thoughts by leaping from the tree and landed about Twenty feet away from him.

"No need for name calling, Jacob." He whirled and faced me, and crouched down, his thoughts surprisingly calm and clear now. "Can I help you with something?" I asked, with a mock smile.

[_You can stay the hell away from Bella._]

"Now, why would I want to do that?" He growled again and I pressed harder. "I might stay away from her, but what if she wants to see me?" He snapped his jaws and thought of what Bella had said to him, echoing the, _"You and only you!" _over and over. "Yes, but you are still afraid that might change, aren't you? You are worried that I could win her back."

[_That won't happen. What's with your change of heart, anyways? Why did you suddenly get it in your head that you somehow deserved her after everything you did to her?_] He was thinking about things I didn't want to think about...

Bella curled up on the forest floor, Sam, lifting her into his arms. The dead look in her eyes the day he came to fix her truck. A montage of different moments of her crying while he tried to comfort her. I tried to drown out what he was thinking with my words.

"I _love _her! More then you could possibly fathom!"

[_You don't love her. You are just some asshole she used to know that broke her heart. She deserves someone who she can trust and who will give her all the love she can stand!_] His last thought wasn't directed at me, but I heard it anyways. [_Like me!_]

"What makes you think you are worthy of her? You don't even have _half _of the capacity to love her as much as I do. Don't you see the beauty behind it? I loved her so much, I had to let her go. If you love something, let it go! Could you do that? Would you have the guts it takes to admit that you, in fact no one, could never amount to enough when it comes to Bella?" His thoughts flashed, and some of the roaring anger became more like background noise. I was a bit surprised to see that his thought process seemed to be following along my own stream of consciousness. I learned something about him that I never knew before. He felt the same way. I felt a little staggered somewhat, and didn't say anything.

I didn't know if he was doing it consciously or not, but he seemed to be showing me everything about her that he loved. I silently agreed with all of his favorite things about her, because those were mine also. When he brought her face to mind, it was vividly bright for human eyes. I wondered why for a minute, and as if he was answering my question, he showed me the drawings. Plural. I had of course noticed the detailed sketch hanging on her wall, but this was something more. That was only one of what looked like hundreds of drawings, all somehow involving Bella. He had learned her body by heart.

His mind was like a flip book of Bella. Picture perfect images; Distorted but recognizable portraits; Head to toe, clothed and naked. Every curve was there, every freckle was in place. He thought of the feel of that sweet smelling skin and the divine torture of her scent; Its self a mind bewitching ambrosia.

I lost myself into his mind, pretending I was the one who was able to touch her without restraint and wanting to take her life... No, I was finally going to take her how I've always wanted, and she was going to be mine, and say my name.... But his thoughts started to drift back to her bedroom, where she waited for him, naked, and it interrupted me.

I was about to ask him why he was here, wasting the time he had with her, when he surprised me by transforming into his human form. I rolled my eyes and ignored his exposed skin.

"Make sure you are careful with that thing." He squinted his eyes at me, but didn't take the bait.

"I am only going to say this one time. Man to Man. You can try to do whatever you want to win her back. You can fight as dirty as you want, as will I. But on my birthday... When she marries _me... _then you will stop. That gives you about a month, and if she doesn't chose you by then, you will be out of her life for good. And. She. Will. Be. _Mine_." He felt so sure.

"Who says I will stop? Are you going to make me?" He didn't flare up like I had hoped. He just calmly said,

"Yes, I will. When she is my wife, this game is over."

"And what if she chooses me? Are you going to pursue her? Would you really just let her go running into my open arms?"

"Over my dead body." He leaped into the air and landed on four paws. As he ran back to her, I said out loud,

"May the best man win." And I would do whatever it took to get that man to be me.

"Edward..." Alice startled me. I was so absorbed I hadn't even heard her thoughts until now.

"Stay away from me..." I jumped and swung on the branch above my head and climbed the tree. She stood at the base of the tree with her hands on her hips and said,

"Get down here! This is not healthy, you need to come home. Don't make me come up there and get you!"

"I have to make sure she's okay. He might hurt her. I can't _believe _Sam removed his restrictions..." I mumbled.

"Edward, I am not going to allow you to invade Bella's privacy like this! I will get Jasper and Emmett here to drag you home, kicking and screaming if I have to! You are not going to stay here tonight." I sighed, and knew she meant it. Carlisle would most defiantly take her side in this. That was okay though, I could still watch it second hand later. I slid easily to the ground and said,

"I'm not going home. I need some quiet. I'll go to the meadow." I waited as she saw I was really going.

"Fine, but I'm watching you!" She warned.

She didn't have to worry though. I had some planning to do.

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A/N: I know that was short, but that's all you get! So now Bella is up for grabs. Let the game begin!


	35. Chapter 35: Never Stop

Chapter 35: Never Stop

I was on my bed, staring at the ceiling, pouting. Here I was... Laying naked on my bed... Alone. Why was Jake running around looking for revenge when he could be here with me? I rolled over on my side, away from the window. I shouldn't be waiting.... _Still. _

I felt his arrival before I heard it. His shadow leaped around my room. My bed sank down and creaked loudly when something large and furry snuggled up against me. I crossed my arms and squeezed my knees together. He read my body language and knew he was in trouble, because he let out a low whine. He rubbed his nose into my neck and I scrunched it up when his sniffs tickled my skin. I had to fight the urge to laugh because I didn't want to give in that easy... He lapped his tongue over my ear and I squealed a little and tried to rub the wetness out. I decided to be mean.

"Eww, Jake, I don't want your slobber all over me..." He nestled into my neck once more, but this time he lapped at me, and it didn't feel that bad. He nibbled a little with his fang like teeth then rubbed his nose into me again. He let out another little puppy whine and I sighed. There was no way I could stay mad at him, even for a second.

I swiveled a little so I could lay on my back and I ran my fingers through his thick coat. It was so long and smooth, just like his hair. The heat coming off of him had me all warmed up and I couldn't help but to delve my fingers in deeper to scratch him. He started making a noise with his throat, almost like a growl, but more like an idling engine, and it was sending vibrations into me. I was glad I was undressed so I had the pleasure of feeling him against my skin. I played with his fur until he pushed himself up and walked off the bed onto the floor, then stood up as a man. I looked him over as much as I could. I wanted to forever remember the sight of him standing above me, looking at me with that 'I am about to make you scream my name' look, with his erection pointing accusingly at me. I was ready to devour him. He slid back next to me, and this time my hands went to his hair as I said, "I love your hair..." He started kissing me, and for that I was grateful.

This was one of those rare blissful moments in life, the ones that are usually few and far between and often even over looked, but I thoroughly enjoyed this one. The feel of Jake pressing in on me from everywhere as he settled above me and the freedom of no boundaries, no invisible drawn lines, made me want him even more. This is right. This is perfect.

He broke away and started talking, "Listen, I know I was a jerk for leaving like that. I promise I will make it up to you how ever you want. Don't be mad..." He was trying to make it better, but it already was. And it had been long enough.

"I'm not mad at all. You can make it up to me though, if you want."

"How?"

I reminded him of his promise made not that long ago. "I want you to show me how much... And how hard... you love me."

That was it, no more need for words to be spoken. Our bodies did the talking. He raised his weight off of my lower body and I opened my legs so he could rest between them. He wrapped one hand around the back of my neck and held my left hand, pressed into the pillow above my head. I hooked my knees at his waist and he kissed me briefly, then looked into my eyes. He flexed his hips and when he caught his tip at my opening, I inhaled sharply. I gripped his hand tightly, trying to hold it together. With one smooth roll, he pushed his way inside and I let out a moan of pure pleasure while he let out a strangled grunt and let his eyes rolled into the back of his head slightly. He paused to collect himself. I couldn't remember if it had ever felt this amazing.

"Oh, Jake..." I whispered. He made eye contact once more and moved within me again, and again and again. He touched his lips to mine and I let out soft whimpers against them. There was no building up to it, we just launched right into the crescendo. The hungry beast inside that had been waiting to be fed for so long was rejoicing and the ache was melting away into something much more pleasurable. I shuddered and it seemed to have a ripple effect on my body, and I couldn't stop. Jake was pushing out all of the bad to make room for something so much more amazing. My right hand came up and I dug my nails into his shoulder, signaling the start of my orgasm. He gripped my breast and nibbled on my neck, adding more stimulation. I didn't even know I was moaning that loud until I heard myself but couldn't manage to do a thing about it. I tossed my head and as soon as I was able to draw a deep breath I felt Jake shudder above me and it seemed to trigger another minor one as he road his out. We were both panting and sweaty when he halfway fell on top of me and I released my grip on him. I let everything wash over me again and had to remind myself this was real. I sighed and felt my body relaxing a little more. Before I could drift off Jake kissed my shoulder and said,

"Oh no, I'm not through with you yet..." I was about to point out I had been up since Five AM and had had a long day, but I forgot about that when I felt him getting hard again. It really had been _so _long. I leaned up to him for a kiss, which I got, and he pushed me back down on the pillow and when he broke away said, "Just lay back... Relax... I have a lot I have to make for, and I'm starting right..." He flicked his tongue over my nipple, "...Now." Then sucked it into his mouth. I cried out a little and did what he said. I was more then happy to comply.

He gradually worked his way down my body, saying hello to everything with his mouth along the way. As he went lower, I sat up on my elbows so I could watch him, and I had never felt so turned on in my life. He made it down between my sticky thighs, and the lust in his eyes felt scorching. He licked his lips and I moaned, begging him to continue. His tongue snaked out again and lightly brushed against my most sensitive parts. It was enough to send my head lolling backwards, and when he did it again I shuddered.

"Do you like that?" he asked silkily. Like he didn't know already...

"Yess. More!" I looked back down at him and he looked up at me. He finally dove in, literally. I squealed in delight. Through the teasing and building of another release, I watched Jake make love to me with his mouth. He was moaning and even sounded like he was purring, apparently enjoying this as much as I was. I had a mini tremble shake my body, but even as good as this was, It Was Not Enough.

I reached down and pulled on his hair, and he leaned back, smiling.

"Had enough?" I laughed and shook my head and sat up while pulling him closer to me by his hair.

"Not even close." And I kissed his lips. He moaned and rubbed his body against mine and started making love to my mouth. He tried to push me back down, but I stopped him. "Oh no, I think it's my turn now."

I climbed on top this time and began to reacquaint myself with his body as well. There was so much to touch and explore, so much that deserved to be appreciated with a kiss or a lick or nibble. I playfully flicked his nipple with my tongue and wiggled my fingers on his ribs, making him laugh and squirm. I tried to take my time with him, but he seemed to be loosing patience, so he took hold of my hips and tried to position me at the right angle for him. I scooted back a little until I was straddling him just right and told him,

"I can take it from here." And took one hand at a time and placed it above his head, and he put them behind his head and looked like he was kicking back. I moved my hips around and caught him right where I wanted him. It was so easy leaning back, letting my body slid down on top of his. When I rolled my hips experimentally we simultaneously moaned from pleasure. We fell effortlessly into a perfect rhythm. One of his hands came up and wrapped around my hip, trying to help speed me along. I held his hand back and stopped. I lifted my knee and shoved his arm down beside him, then put my knee back down, pinning his arm to his side.

I picked back up my pace and watched his face as I tried to keep my breathing steady and in time with the rotations of my hips. I wanted to please him as much as he had me, but I could feel myself getting closer and closer... He was looking out of heavy lids, and he seemed... Hungry, the way he watched me right back. I rubbed my hands on his chest, licked my lips, wanting to taste him. Jake started trying to lift his hips to get me to speed up, and since I was simmering, I gave in and really started going for it. He was mumbling something, but I was focused and my eyes were closed. All I felt was his other hand coming up and squeezing my right breast, making my eyes pop open and for me to start clenching and shaking once again. He was smiling wickedly. I tried to keep going but I faltered a little, and that must have been what he was waiting for, because he easily swiped his arm from between our bodies and latched both hands onto my hips. He pushed himself up and bounced me away from him, then caged me with his hands, bringing me right back down. That made my climax intensify and he kept pumping up into me until the last ounce of pleasure had been rung from within, and I slumped on top of him, gasping for air. His hands were still caressing me, and I felt him still hard and buried inside me.

"Did you...?"

"Nope. Not yet." I shivered and said,

"Oh, Good God! Mmm, Jake, I love you..." He sat up hugged me while I wrapped myself around him. He gave me light kisses and soothing touches for a moment, then asked,

"Is it my turn yet?"

"I don't know, technically you cheated, you took over at the end." I pointed out.

"I didn't hear any complaints."

"I'm not complaining, I'm just saying, maybe some time I'll have to tie you up so I can really have my way with you." He groaned and flipped us around with me on the bottom. He growled slightly.

"Only if I get to tie you up first." I smiled and I said,

"Deal." He kissed me deeply and thrust his hips, reminding both of us he was still nestled snugly inside. He sat back on his knees and brought my legs up so that my heels rested on his shoulder blades. I was looking up at him through a V-shape frame of a pale white that made his dark features stand out even more. He moved in long slow strokes, teasing me as much as I had him.

"Oh, Bella, I am going to have so much fun with you. There are so many things I can't wait to try with you, and do to you. I am going to find and push every single pleasure button on you until you are begging me to stop." He kissed the arch of my foot and ran his hands along my legs. He was driving into me over and over and I was heating up again. I wondered in the back of my mind how many times he was going to be able do this to me, but I was so thankful for it, I would take as much as he could give.

"I'll never want you to stop."

He finally started going faster, and I exploded from the inside out, throwing my head side to side saying, "Jake, Jake, Oh God, Jake..." I'd lost count at this point and my body was beginning to feel like play-dough. I suddenly heard a wet squelching sound whenever he pushed himself inside, and realized it was coming from me because of all the accumulating juices. I was slightly mortified and felt my face burning not just from exertion. I wasn't sure what to do, so I looked at Jake who had lengthened his strides and was breathing evenly.

"Sorry." I whispered and covered my eyes, but Jake pulled my arm away.

"For what? That?" He emphasized with a thrust. "I love hearing that. It means I'm doing something right." He pushed my right leg up to my chest and leaned forward, getting a little deeper, and the sound thankfully stopped. "I love your body, Bella, I love every last single thing about it. You have nothing to be ashamed of." He was dipping in and out and I could feel my mouth hanging open slightly as I looked up at him. "I'm going to make sure you learn to love it as much as I do. A woman's body is like a work of art. It's made to feel pleasure. I could make you feel like this all day long." He intensified his movements and even though I was feeling worn I couldn't deny that my body was responding just like he wanted it to. I held onto his forearm and let him know how I felt.

"I love this, I've never felt anything so beautiful in my life... The things you can do to me, it's just astounding."

He seemed to really like that. He didn't take his time with this one, he just got me there again in record time. I was sure he knew I had one, but he wasn't stopping. He never missed a beat. I just tried to hold onto him, and when I shuddered and cried out once more he slowed. He laid his head on my chest and I knew he could hear how frantically it was beating. I could tell he wasn't even winded at all. What was it going to take?

"Jake, what's holding you back?"

"Nothing. I guess I have a lot of stamina... Do you want to stop?" He was already pulling out when I said,

"No! No, I don't want to stop! But I do need to be able to walk tomorrow." I pointed out with a grin. He rolled his eyes and said,

"It's okay, really. I think you've had enough." He sat on the edge of the bed, but didn't get off of it.

"Nope, not enough, not yet. Not until you get yours."

"I'm good. I'm done." I laughed and looked at him saying, '_yeah, right.'_ The proof that he wasn't done was still hard and now glistening, not showing any sign of going anywhere soon.

"What can I do? What is the one thing you want? The one thing you thought about doing with me the whole time we were kept apart... Tell me." He swallowed and I slid a little closer to him, hoping to distract him into telling me.

"There is... another... Position." I waited a second, then put my arms up as if in surrender.

"How do you want me?" He leaned back on the bed, and didn't answer. "Do you want me to guess? Would that help?" He nodded and smiled, and I knew he was just enjoying this. I started thinking... "Well, do you want to try standing up? A wall this time, instead of a tree?" He shrugged his shoulders, like it wasn't that interesting. I sighed and started ranting, "Then I don't know! I mean, we've done every position already! You on top, me on top... What else is there other then doggie s..." I stopped talking. He was smiling even more now, and even laughing. I guess that made sense now that I think about it, but he didn't have to make it so hard. I whacked his leg and said, "Is _that _what you want?"

"Yes." He said quietly, like he was ashamed.

"Why are you acting like that, though? Why couldn't you just tell me?"

"I didn't know how you'd feel about that now... With, you know..." I was reminded of the wolf thing, and about the mind connections. I still felt a little exposed, but not as bothered by it as I had before.

"But that doesn't make any difference to me. When I'm with you, it's just you. The same Jake I've always known and loved. I will always do anything you want, anything to make you happy. You are the only guy I've ever been with, and ever will be with, so why shouldn't we sample everything together? Don't be shy about it. Okay?" He nodded and kissed me.

"Okay." He nestled into my neck and sighed. "Bella... Love..." Like the words were synonymousto him. I asked him again,

"Now, how do you want me?" He didn't hesitate.

"Bend over." We stood and I did what he wanted. I braced my hands on the bed and he took his place behind me. I waited and when I felt something graze over me slightly I looked over my shoulder and saw he was kneeling down with his face level with my area. He answered my silent question of what he was doing without me even having to ask. "Just admiring the view." His finger prodded at me again and smoothed some more wetness around to make it easier for him. He caressed my bottom and my thighs with both hands, molding and squeezing my flesh in his hands. When he had enough he stood up but said, "You're too short. On the bed, on your knees." I did what he said, and felt my excitement growing. This was the last position we ever did, before we got cut off. It seemed fitting to finish with it now.

"Oh Jake, please..." He was already making his way inside, and I gripped my sheets in my hands, moaning quietly. I looked back at him one more time and said,

"Don't stop until you are finished." Then he was off. All the building up seemed to have put us both on edge, and while he was going at a fast pace, I knew he was waiting for me to come first before he would. I let my body relax back into his as he held my hips tightly in his hands. It didn't take long until I was whimpering and trembling and saying his name. But even after I found my release, Jake still had not. I could tell he was still holding back.

"Come on, Jake, please, give it to me. I can take it.... I can." He let out a roar and lifted my hips up some, almost making my knees leave the mattress and pounded into me. Now _this _was more like it. I was barely able to form any coherent thoughts after that. All I was aware of was what Jake was doing to my body. His forceful thrusts were beginning to slid me across the bed and my arms went our from under me, leaving me kneeling face down in front of him while he had his way. I was surprised when I heard him grunting behind me,

"Oh, Bella. Yes! You. Are. Mine. Mine. Mine. _MINE!" _Every word was punctuated with a thrust and made me squeal with pleasure. I wasn't even aware when I slipped into my last orgasm, it just felt like a long drawn out one. I could feel Jake releasing inside of me and I felt pure joy swelling within. Once he was finally finished, we both tumbled to the side and I rolled over so that I could curl into his side.

Seconds and minutes trickled by, but time seemed to have lost it's meaning as we basked in the after glow together. That is, until Jake sat up and said, "Crap! Charlie!" And jumped up and started putting his clothes on, I sat up also and said,

"What do you mean, 'Charlie?'"

"I mean your dad is going to pull in the driveway in about three seconds. Get dressed." I jumped up and asked,

"Where are my clothes?" I was nervous and couldn't think properly. We both looked around and he said,

"I don't know. Just slip something on, quick!"

"He's a detective! I have to put on what I was wearing earlier or he will notice!"

"Dang, you're right. Well, where did you take them off at?" He asked while he hurriedly stepped into his jeans.

"Oh yeah! The bathroom!" I took off hobbling in that direction, while Jake called out,

"And do something about your bed head!" I laughed but when I looked in the mirror I saw what he meant. Dressed or not, that hair would have given us away. I tried to brush it, but it was so tangled I had to put it in a bun. I cleaned up and quickly put my clothes on. When I opened the door Jake was waiting for me and scooped me into his arms and ran us down the stairs before I could even think to protest. As soon as we made it to the kitchen, I heard Charlie walk in the door. Jake was already sitting in his usual chair like he had been there the whole time. When he walked in the kitchen I said,

"Hey dad, you hungry?"

"No, I ate. You kids haven't had anything yet?"

"Nope, not yet. But I was just about to cook." Jake cut in,

"Well, since your dad already ate, why don't you take a break from cooking and we can go grab something." Charlie nodded and said,

"It's Monday, they've got cobbler tonight down at the diner." Jake said,

"Sounds good to me."

I made an excuse to not leave. "No, we should just order something. I need to stay here and get in some study time." Even though I had no intention of studying. Charlie agreed and grabbed a cold one out of the refrigerator and went into the living room while I got the phone. We decided on pizza and we got the supreme because when I asked what topping Jake wanted he said 'everything.'

We walked quietly up the stairs, but I left my door open. I pulled out some books and folders and spread them out on my desk to make it look convincing then crashed on the bed. I buried my face into my pillow and breathed deeply. Thankfully my exam tomorrow was English, so I wasn't too worried about studying. Jake sat beside me and touched the small of my back.

"Are you feeling okay? Did I hurt you?" I raised my head and looked at him,

"No, not at all. I'm just tired. It's been a long day." He leaded against the headboard and I laid my head in his lap and he gently pulled out my hair tie.

"Well once we eat I'll go home and you can get some sleep." Now that he was massaging my scalp, my words came out more relaxed then I wanted them to.

"No... I want you to stay here with me tonight." I yawned. "Besides, my truck is at your house. Someone has to drive me to school in the morning. Stay with me."

"Charlie..." he began.

"What? He can get over it. We are getting married." I said, like that solved everything.

"I don't know, I mean, even though he's acting cool about this, I don't think he wants to admit it's really going to happen..." He trailed off.

"Well, he better get used to it, because it is going to happen. And he accepts that, he just wants to make sure we've thought this out. That we are prepared. Like a house and money and all. And he talked to me about, you know, how young people grow up and can change their mind... Like my mom. But..." I stopped. Jake said,

"But what?"

"But I don't think I could ever change my mind about this. This is to real. I want it too badly. I would never give this up. I will never stop loving you."

"You don't know how happy it makes me to hear you say that. If you want, I'll talk to Charlie, and if he is okay with it then I will stay. If not, I'll go home and drive your truck over. I can just run back." I nodded but hoped he got to stay.

"What are you going to talk to him about?"

"Guy stuff." He said, like that was all I was going to get.

"How did you know he was coming earlier? I wouldn't have heard a thing until the door opened."

"My senses are better then yours, I heard his truck. I would have heard it sooner if I'd have been paying attention, but hey, at least he didn't catch us."

"Mm hum." I let it be for awhile. I relaxed while he stroked my hair, and let my eyes rest. It didn't take long until the doorbell rang and the pizza was passed to Charlie. Jake ran downstairs and tried to pay, but after Charlie refused, he came back up with the box, drinks and napkins, and a bottle of Ranch Dressing for me. He knew me so well. He shook his head and said,

"He wouldn't even let me pay for our pizza. He said it was_ his _house, so he would pay."

"Yeah, Charlie is always like that." I said dismissively.

I ate two pieces and was full. Jake at the rest, and was done when I was. He gathered everything up to take downstairs and said he'd be back in a minute.

While he was gone I changed into what I had been using as pajamas lately, which was just one of his shirts. Once I was comfortable I stretched back out on my bed and patted my full tummy, feeling very ready to go to sleep. If only Jake was here... Where was he? He'd been gone for what felt like a long time now.

I slid myself out of the bed and walked to the top of the stairs. I could hear voices, but not what they were saying. I walked down a few steps and listened, but could barely make out Jake talking. I tip toed a little farther. There now, that was Charlie saying,

"... grateful for everything you've done. I admit I wasn't sure anything would ever bring her back..."

"I would never do anything to hurt her. I promise you, I will always do right by her. You have my word that she will be taken care of."

"Thanks, Jacob. Means a lot."

"No problem. Let me know if you need anything."

"Actually, I could do with some more of Henry's 'Homemade Fish fry.'"

"I'll let him know. Um, I guess I'll see you in the morning?"

"Yep."

I hurried back up the steps and went back to my room. Jake wasn't far behind me and he hugged me tightly when he walked in.

"So you can stay?"

"I can stay." He pulled us both down on the bed and I sighed and fell almost instantly to sleep. Before I did I said,

"'Night Jake. Love you."

"Love you too, Bella. Sleep good." And I did.


	36. Chapter 36: Pleasant Beginnings

Chapter 36: Pleasant Beginnings

I slept soundly throughout the night. My tiny bed forced us to stay wrapped around each other, but I liked it that way. I didn't even need the sheet Jake had draped over my legs. Jake's body heat was enough to keep me nice and toasty. If any part of me felt cold, I simply moved it closer to him... Like I was gravitating towards him.

Late during the night, or possibly early in the morning, when it seemed like the world was still sleeping, I began having a strange dream. I use the word dream for lack of a better term... Because there was nothing to see; The black didn't press in on me, or feel oppressive, there was just a calm nothing-ness. There was nothing to hear, other then steady drum beat that was sounding off somewhere behind me. It was peaceful. Hypnotic.

But the thing that made this dream seem odd was the feel of it. As soon as I thought about the feeling, I seemed to become completely physically aware of my self. I could imagine what it would look like I was standing above, looking down on the scene. My dream seemed to be my canvas, forming what I thought, and I saw that I was facing away from the amazingly hot body that was spooning mine. I wished that Jake was here in my dream with me, that he was the one curled behind me. And then I saw that he was. It was his heart beat that I was listening to. I pushed myself back into source. I let my mind show me what was happening...

Jake had pushed my shirt up as far as it would go with me laying the way I was. His roughened fingers were stroking me all over, sending chills through my skin. The heat coming from hands would warm me slightly, then leave trails of goosebumps behind them. He swept his fingertips along every curve and every crease, even teasing my lower lips a little. It wasn't necessarily sexual, what he was doing. It was more intimate and sensual.

I could feel his hardness growing between us, and it was only seconds until I felt myself moisten. I slid my left leg up to my chest, leaving an opening for him. He inhaled deeply and I knew he smelled me, and I could feel him reacting as well as I could see in it my minds eye; The way he seemed to be coming apart a little as he gripped and rubbed himself against me. He buried his face into my hair and groaned. I knew I was seated perfectly in his lap, all he had to do was point himself in the right direction. I waited, and thankfully not for long. He rubbed his tip between my legs and was so close when he paused and whispered,

"Bella?" As if he needed to ask permission. I more or less sighed his name in response, and that seemed to be all he needed. He easily slid in to the hilt. The curve of him seemed to fit perfectly inside, like a puzzle piece. I could see the twitch of his hips as he barely moved inside me, making both of us moan quietly. Something about the stillness in the air made even the quietest breaths seem too loud.

I was sure this wasn't a dream, but it didn't lose the dream-like qualities even though I was aware. The pleasure was such a turnaround from what I had been feeling lately, it felt surreal. I kept my eyes closed and my mental commentary going. Jake was flexing his hips more insistently now, but was content to let me simmer for awhile, not pushing me over the edge just yet. I could feel the width of him stretching me, making room. Every thrust hit that one spot, the one that made my eyes cross. His moves were slow and deliberate, but not quite getting me there.

His left hand was holding on tightly to my hip, while his other came up and moved my hair out of the way so he could nibble on the back of my shoulder and neck. I arched my body back into his, and held onto the top of his hand that was holding me, silently begging him to give me more and to hold me tighter still. The pressure was building up when he suddenly froze. In two quick moves he kicked the sheet up that had been shoved to the bottom of the bed and yanked it over our bodies, then laid his head down and relaxed. His breathing sounded like he was sleeping. I wondered what was going on, but instead of asking with words, I focused on my lower muscles and tried something I had read about in a magazine once and clenched down on Jake's throbbing flesh that was still buried deeply inside. I felt so full I wasn't sure if I'd really accomplished anything until he gasped and pushed into me. He breathed,

"Shh..." And I stilled and listened closely. I could hear something now.

Footsteps.

_Oh. _Charlie.

The sounds of the bathroom door shutting and other facility noises reached me through the walls. I normally would have slept right through that, but being awake subjected me to it. I tried to relax and slow my breathing like Jake had done. I mentally counted, trying to make sure they were even.

_One. Two. Three. Four. Five. _In.

_Five. Four. Three. Two. One. _Out.

Over and over.

My bedroom door creaked open slightly, letting in a sliver of light. I tired to keep my face smooth and expressionless and kept counting in my head.

_One. Two. Three. Four. Five. _In.

_Five. Four. Three. Two. One. _Out.

_One. Two. Three. Four. Five. _In.

_Five. Four. Three. Two. One. _Out.

He finally shut the door after two breaths. I couldn't really make anything else out after that, but Jake seemed to relax after a few more seconds. His hot lips touched my neck and his breathed tickled as it ghosted over my skin.

"Do that again." I focused briefly on my lower half and squeezed and pushed against his member with my inner walls. He sucked in a sharp breath and shoved himself inside again. I tried it again without him asking and he wrapped one of his hands in my hair and pulled back slightly. He thrust in with force, and when he was as far in as he could get he said, "Again." I clenched around him and felt elated by the way he whimpered onto my neck. I soon had it timed perfectly with him. Every time he was securely in place I gripped him, then released as he pulled away, only to slid right back into my clutches.

When I had pushed him to the limit he stilled his movements and sat up. He straddled my right leg and brought my left leg up in his hand and wrapping it around his waist. He was now between my legs as I lay on my side, but now that he as within my sight I decided I didn't want to keep my eyes closed any more. I watched his face and he watched mine. He took a moment to bury himself back within me, but didn't continue. He caressed my leg and thigh, then my stomach and side. He cupped my butt in his palm and rolled his hips slightly again.

This new angle was very gratifying. I still hadn't had a release and I could tell that I was strung tight. Jake looked like he was experiencing bliss, and he was giving me everything that I had been missing earlier. He was hammering into me with an overwhelming intensity. Soon I was in raptures, gasping in shock every time I felt the jolt. He movements were fervid as he climbed towards his climax. He was bearing down on me, his eyes blazing, when he finally broke, and shook each time his body ejected into mine. I came again just from witnessing his pleasure.

He pulled out and put my leg on the other side of him so he could lay on top of me. His skin seemed fiery hot from his exertion, but he had already evened out his breathing. I wrapped my arms around him. I smoothed back his gorgeous hair and hugged his head to my chest. Then I fell back to sleep.

The next thing that woke me was my alarm clock. I reached up and smacked it until it shut up, then fall back into Jake's arms. I wanted to let myself drift back off into oblivion, but I remembered my exam and knew I had no choice. I pulled myself out from under him and rolled myself out of the bed and sat on the edge. Jake was still sound asleep and after I made sure my alarm was off I rested my hand on his cheek for a moment. I was glad I got to be the one who saw this side of him. I gave him a light kiss then tiptoed out to the hall and into the bathroom.

I turned on the water so it could warm up and I took a moment to stretch. I was a little stiff but deliciously so. The hot water helped me loosen up, and I soon felt awake, despite my groggy start. Soon I was squeaky clean and stepping out into a cloud of steam. Jake was still asleep when I made it back to my room, so I quietly got dressed in the dark. Once I was done I laid back down beside him and began to wake him up gently. He was rather reluctant at first, but soon his hands seemed to take over and he reached for my bottom, only to find it covered with denim.

"Why are you dressed? Take those off now." He mumbled sleepily.

"I can't, it's time to get up. You have to take me to school, remember?" He rolled over on top of me, squishing me to the mattress.

"No, too early. Sleep now. School later." I laughed.

"Come on, Jakey boo. Up!" I tried to heave him off but he barely moved. "Gah, you're heavy!" I tried to wiggle out from under him. It was useless. "I'll make you something to eat..." I tried to bribe him. "Some pancakes and sausage. Yuuum." He chuckled.

"You think I would trade your tasty body for food? Mmmm, I think not." His hand held one of mine back while the other roamed into my clothes. I gave a mild protest as he popped the button on my jeans,

"Jake, I just got out of the shower! Don't get me all dirty again..." I heard my zipper being pulled down. "Jake..." He was kissing my neck. "Be good. I have to go to school..." I quit talking because he rolled to the side of me and let his hand rest where it was.

"Do you want me to stop?" He breathed into my ear. "What if I promised to make it worth it?" I knew he would defiantly be able to do that, but time was not on our side.

"Would it be worth it if Charlie caught us?" I pointed out. He grunted in response. "Can you wait until I get off of school? It's just a few hours."

"Hours? I don't want to wait hours..." But he re-zipped my pants and did the button. "You better get out of the bed before I change my mind. And I want some pancakes for being good. I'm hungry." I chuckled as we got up. He pulled his pants on, but couldn't fasten them because of his hard on. "See what you do to me? I can't go downstairs like this." He pointed at his crotch. I smiled and said,

"Sorry! I was just trying to wake you up." He shook his head.

"I think I might have to get you back for this..." He warned.

"I look forward to it. Now stop teasing yourself and come down when you can." I was going to leave it at that but he snatched my hand and pulled me over to him for a kiss. His lips were searing and they lit me on fire. I forgot that I was supposed to be leaving. I pretty much forgot everything other then how incredibly titillating Jake was. I let my hands brush across his chest and arms and pushed myself against him completely. He wrapped his arms around me while his mouth dominated mine. I wanted to rip his pants right back off. I was caught up in everything Jake, and he drowned every other thought out. After he took me over he slowed down some, and gradually back away, leaving me gasping and clinging to him. He breathed deeply, and I felt my own arousal seeping out into my underwear.

"I think that pretty much evened us up." He said with a wicked grin. I smacked his arm with a little force but he didn't even flinch.

"I do have to concentrate today, you know." I said a little breathlessly. I wanted him so badly that nothing else seemed to matter. Perhaps it wouldn't hurt to return the favor, and tease him like he had me. Just one teensy little orgasm. For good luck.

It was amazingly simple, slipping through Jake's arms and down onto my knees, pulling his pants down with me so I could latch onto his still hard member. He didn't have time to form words, he just grunted while I took as much of him into my mouth as I could. He took hold of a fist full of my hair and tried to direct my movements. But my hands were free to roam, and I massaged his base while running my nails across whatever skin I could reach.

"Bella!" Jake gasped. I didn't know what he was trying to tell me, I just took the initiative and tried to pull him down to the floor. He stumbled but didn't come down. I stood back up and had my pants off in the next second. I threw myself at him and he finally lowered us back onto the floor. Once we were seated I quickly impaled myself on him. I braced my legs on either side of him and placed my hands flat on his chest. Jake leaned back and propped himself up on his hands while I rode him as fast as I could. When my hips rolled forward he pushed his hips up, adding more sensation. It took almost no time, just a few moments of grinding down on him and I was bucking in his lap. _So close..._

"Oh yes, Bella, get yourself off. Ride me until you fall apart. Fuck your little heart out." I trembled as I listened to the sound of his voice. "Come, Bella. Come right _now._" I did as he told me. When the pleasure overflowed it hit me in ripples, each one more intense then the one before it. I threw my head back with the first wave, and my hips began to still with the second. Jake rescued me and took hold of my hips and kept me pumping. The third wave made me clench around him and the forth had me slumped over Jake while he was still driving into me. Everything after that just shook me physically.

He finally let me rest and for once we were both gasping for air. After I had a second to collect myself I got off of him and said,

"Thanks, now I will ace this thing for sure." He looked at me with a slack jawed impression. I stepped into my jeans and he gasped,

"What? That's all? You are going to leave me all high and... Wet?" He couldn't hold back his grin, and neither could I.

"This will give you something to think about while I'm busy today." I heard Charlie's alarm clock sound off and I continued. "Crap! I have to hurry and get something to eat!" I gave him a quick kiss then fled down the stairs. I realized I didn't have time to make pancakes so I settled with frozen waffles and started a pot of coffee for Charlie. Jake came down and I fed him four waffles covered with syrup and butter. He dug in without even asking about the pancakes. I shoveled a few down bites and chased them with a glass of milk. Charlie came down not long after and heated up his own in the toaster. I was finished on time and Jake ran up the stairs to get my book bag for me, while I told Charlie to have a good day.

Jake had his arm slung over my shoulders when we walked out to his car. Once we were driving I asked, "So what are you going to do today?"

"I'll have to talk to Sam first, but I should be free. What time do you want me to pick you up?"

"I got out around Ten Thirty yesterday, so I guess sometime around then." He nodded and squeezed my hand.

"Can't wait." We arrived a few minutes later then I normally did so the parking lot was crowded with cars and people. Jake pulled up to the curb and put it in park. "I'll get your door." And then he was out and walking around the car. I followed him with my eyes, reminding myself that he was _mine. _He opened my door and I had to shake my head a little to clear it and gathered up my bag.

Once I was standing next to him he looked down at me with a smile, and I smiled back up at him. He wrapped his hand around the back of my neck into my hair and brought my lips to his, gently at first, then with some contained passion. He tongue slithered around mine and sucked it briefly into his mouth, then pulled away, giving me the same smile.

"Good luck on your test. I'll be here when you get out." I had to remind myself how to talk.

"Okay, thanks." I gave him one more quick peck and said, "Love you," against his lips.

"Love you, too." When I turned around he smacked my ass with a firm but playful swat. When I saw that everyone within sight of us had frozen and was staring at us with huge eyes and open mouths, I looked over my shoulder at him and I knew he had done that on purpose, trying to show off, but it didn't bother me at all. I waved goodbye and walked up the steps toward the doors, unable to wipe the grin off my face.

The look on Jessica's face was priceless, and Lauren looked like she just ate something sour. I was feeling pretty optimistic. If the rest of my day was as pleasant as my morning, it was going to be a great day.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

A/N: Wow, I can't even get her to school without all these lemons happening. They are just way too much fun. Another short one, and I know I'm taking a long time to really get to anything, but I am working hard trying to get there! I hope you enjoy the ride.

-Jessica


	37. Chapter 37: Being Honest

Chapter 37: Being Honest

::Jacob POV::

I couldn't wipe the smile off my face as I drove away from Bella's school. I looked in the side mirror at people still staring after her. I hoped she wouldn't mind the ass slap, but it was all too tempting. I wanted everyone to know she was mine. A yawn interrupted my thoughts. I hadn't gotten much sleep and I wasn't used to waking up this early anymore. I drove back to Bella's house since it was the closest. The door was locked, but it only took me a second to scale the tree next to her window and make it back inside her room.

I threw myself onto her bed and breathed. Everything in here smelled exactly like her. I relived our night spent here and smiled into her sheets. Bella was simply amazing. I felt the familiar tightness responding to my thoughts of her, and I sighed. I rolled over and spoke to my crotch.

"Come on, give me a break! You got some, so give it a rest already." I ignored the uncomfortable throbbing and buried my face into her pillow. It was still slightly damp where she laid her wet hair this morning. I could smell her shampoo and other underlying Bella scents, and for a moment I could almost believe she was here, with me. I could imagine her soft body curled up against mine, and the sound of her even breathing as she slept. I groaned. It had now surpassed uncomfortable and was getting closer to painful.

But I wasn't going to do a thing about it. Now that I had Bella as an option, I was saving myself all for her. If she wasn't getting anything out of it, then neither was I. I was just going to have to wait until she got home, and until she had at least three orgasms. Then I could have one.

After I made sure she was taken care of. My beautiful, sweet, precious, Bella. Everything was second best compared to her.

_My Bella._

Then I slept.

::Bella POV::

When I made it to class I couldn't help but notice all the stares. As I glanced around I saw that some of the faces that were looking at me also seemed angry. Like Mike. I hoped he wouldn't try talk to me...

My English exam was a breeze. _Read this passage and tell me what it's supposed to mean._ I had been doing the same thing for years now. I was defiantly done with school. For awhile at least.

Once my test was turned in I stared at the wall, thinking about my night with Jake. When we were married, every night would be like that... Just us, together.

A folded up piece of paper slid onto my desk. I opened it and read,

_Hey, Bella! That was a hard test, wasn't it?_

It was in Jessica's handwriting. I suppressed my groan and scribbled back,

_It was okay. _

And left it at that. Hopefully she would catch on that I didn't want to talk to her. I glanced around and saw no one was paying me any attention so I slid it over to Jessica, who was sitting on my left and back one seat. I could see her writing out of my peripheral. Damn. She handed it to the person in front of her who handed it to me without a glance.

_Yeah. Have you bought your prom tickets yet?_

Ugh, prom. I didn't even want to think about prom.

_No, I'm not going._

I passed it back. Hopefully she would leave it at that. She handed it back.

_Why not!? You can bring your boyfriend, it wouldn't matter that he doesn't go to school here._

I felt irritated at the word 'boyfriend.' I wrote back.

_Actually he is my fiance, we are getting married this summer. And we have plans this weekend._

That should give her something to talk about, but I didn't mind. At this point I felt like walking around wearing a sign that let everyone know, just so I wouldn't have to deal with unwelcome approaches. It took her a minute before she passed it back.

_Wow, you guys are getting married!? Well, I hope I'm invited to the wedding!_

There was even a little smiley face at the end of her sentence. Ew, she was trying so hard to be nice it was sickening. I could see through her. I thought of a way to avoid out right inviting her.

_It's going to be a small ceremony, but I will let you know. _

I handed it back. Please, please, let her be done. I got an annoyed look from my neighbor when I was handed the note again. Apparently he was as tired of it as I was.

_Awesome! Well I hope you have a good summer. Keep in touch. _

I looked over my shoulder and nodded at her, then faced front again. I folded up the note and put it my pants pocket and tired to forget about that, but it was sticking in my mind. Why would she try to talk to me? What was her motive? I leaned down like I was getting something out of my bag and glanced over her while I was bending over. She was scribbling really fast onto another piece of paper, like she was having a hard time getting her hand to keep up with her thoughts. I fished around for a moment, then pretended to give up when I saw her moving her arm out of the corner of my eye. I looked up and watched as she passed a piece of folded paper to Lauren, who was sitting behind her, then turned in my seat. Now I was absolutely sure she was up to no good.

My thoughts were cut off by Mr. Berty asking if all the tests were in, and reminding us to clean out our lockers. Once they were passed in and we were dismissed, I jumped out of my seat and hurried out the door. I made a pit stop at my locker and got the notes I would need for my next exam, then headed out the front doors. I immediately scanned the parking lot for Jake's car, but I didn't see it. I did another sweep and still couldn't find it. There wasn't a lot of traffic, just a few lingering seniors, everyone else was either in class or gone.

I looked at my watch and it was half past Ten, but I decided I should give him some time before I tried calling around for him, since I didn't even know where he was. Apparently he needs a cell phone, too. I walked back to my locker and started cleaning it out since now was a good time. It was relatively organized so it didn't take but a minute. I returned my library books and checked in all my text books except for my Chemistry and History book, which were my last exams.

Once I was done at the library I quickly used the facilities. I hoped it would be the last time I was subjected to a public school rest room. One could only hope.

I walked back to the front doors and saw that I had only taken about Fifteen minutes. The parking lot was now empty of everyone except for Jessica, Lauren, and Katie standing with Mike at his new car. From here, it looked like a Mustang, but I wasn't sure. Must be a graduation present. It only took a second for me to see Jake was still not here. Mike looked up and made eye contact with me, and I quickly looked down, hoping he wouldn't interfere.

_Jake, where are you?_

I pulled out my cell phone and called Jake's house number. Billy answered.

"Hello?"

"Hey, it's Bella. Is Jake there?"

"No... He didn't come home after he dropped you off, I figured he was at your house."

"Oh, okay, I'll try there."

"Whats wrong?"

"Nothing, he was just supposed to pick me up and he's not here yet. He's probably just running late though, it's okay."

"Well, let me know when you get home. And call me back if you can't find him."

"I will. Bye."

As I was talking to him I walked down the steps towards the curb so I would have a full view of all the cars, and be able to see if he was driving up. I kept my eyes on the ground to avoid slipping and breaking something since I was walking _and _talking at the same time. After I ended the call I glanced up to check one more time before I called my home number, but I froze with my phone still held out in front of me as my eyes locked on _him. _Not Jake.

Edward.

I knew he wasn't there when I first came out, and I was unsure if I should trust myself. It could be possible that I had progressed to full on hallucinations. My eyes flashed to Mike's car and saw conformation that he was there. Every person was standing with their mouth hanging open, and what looked like a piece of gum fell from Mike's mouth as I glanced at him, and he didn't even seem to notice. He just looked livid with jealously.

My eyes shot back to Edward who was walking around a beautiful black car that made Mike's new car look like a heap of scrap metal compared to this. I wondered where his modest Volvo was? He strolled gracefully over to me and stopped about a foot away. I hated my heart for pounding and the butterflies fluttering in my stomach. I was rooted to the spot, but managed to lower my arm as I waited to see what was going to happen.

"Bella..." He spoke softly, even though no one was close enough to hear us. "Can I offer you a ride?" I automatically shook my head and said,

"No." But he smiled, and didn't seem to be discouraged at all.

"Alice saw you waiting. I just thought you could use a lift home. I'm sure you don't want to stand out here for another hour. It looks like rain." He was using his velvety voice to his advantage. As if in confirmation the sky gave a low warning grumble. I looked in the direction of the beaches and saw the dark clouds rolling in over the distant tree tops. I had to close my eyes so he wouldn't see me rolling them. Of course Alice had 'seen.' But then I thought of something.

"I thought you were supposed to be keeping your being in town a _secret?" _He gestured over his shoulder to the idling car and said,

"I can explain in the car." I let him see me roll my eyes this time. I didn't want to accept this favor from him. It felt wrong, like it was going to end badly. Like it was going to cost me something. But when I weighed my options, it was tempting because I didn't want to keep waiting. The sky was flashing menacingly at me and I didn't want to be stuck in that. It only took me a few seconds to work this out, and to see that I might as well make sure that I got something out of this. He knew what everyone was thinking, and I wanted to know also.

"Fine. One condition." He nodded his head.

"Anything." I didn't hesitate.

"Answer every question I ask. Truthfully. No matter what." He said,

"Of course. After you." And turned and motioned me to the car. He opened and shut the door for me. I slipped the silky seat belt around me and buckled it by the time he was back in the drivers seat. When we were driving I asked,

"What kind of car is this?" He looked surprised but said,

"It's an Aston Martin Vanquish. You like it?"

"It's cool. If you like new cars." I tried to sound nonchalant. He gave me a prefect smile that made my stomach leap and I had to turn away. I looked right at Jessica as we drove by, and I couldn't help but to smile at her. Once we were leaving the parking lot I asked,

"What is Jessica thinking right now?" I looked over when he didn't answer right away and saw that his face had darkened.

"She's an evil minded person. Why would want to know what goes on in her mind?"

"Because I do. You said you would answer my questions." I pointed out. He huffed a little.

"She's just being immature! She's jealous of you. She doesn't actually hate you, but she's getting close. She wants to _be _you. She is ridiculous."

"Oh. And why was she trying to be nice to me? What was that about?"

"She was hoping you would let her get close enough to sink her claws in to Jacob. Her exact thought was, 'I want one.'" He scoffed, but I was starting to boil. One of these days, she was going to get what she deserved. I thought back to them all standing there, gaping like fishes, and couldn't help but laugh. It wasn't every day that I had the pleasure of dropping their jaws twice. Edward said,

"What? Why are you laughing?" He looked annoyed.

"It really bugs you that you don't know what I'm thinking, doesn't it?" I asked like I already knew the answer.

"Of course. It's infuriating. But I know you wouldn't want me to, so I'm okay with it." I thought about that for a second, then said,

"Actually, I wish you could." He stared at me.

"What do you mean?" I shrugged, and picked at my nails.

"I wish you could read my mind. I mean, it would be a little annoying, not being able to have a secret or private thought... But at least then you would understand." I dug up the courage to look over at him. He was still watching me, and I wondered if he was paying any attention to the road. "Then you would know what you did to me." He finally looked away.

"I know I can never change what I've done, but isn't there some way I can make it up to you?" He sounded slightly desperate. I answered his question as honestly as I could.

"No." I shrugged. "Maybe if there was some way for you to see inside my head, then we would be even. Until then, until you feel what I feel, I don't know if I can ever forgive you." It was surprisingly easy to be so truthful with him, and it felt like he understood. I had to take a deep breath and try to hold my hands steady.

"I won't ever stop trying to make it right, though. I will die trying." He sounded like he had already made up his mind about that.

"Even if I asked you not to? What if I asked you to leave, and never speak to me again?" I challenged.

"Is that what you want?" He asked, with a hard, stony look on his face.

"Maybe it is." I said, bluffing. Even though I was with Jake, I still wanted to keep Edward in my life somehow. I didn't want to lose him again.

"Then say it. Say the words." He waited, and I didn't say a thing. "Tell me you want me out of your life forever. Tell me to leave you alone." His words were coming out harsh, and I tried not to let my fear show.

"Would you do what I said?" I asked him. Something about his exterior seemed to crumble and he said,

"I will do whatever you want. Anything you say, no matter how much pain it might cause me, I would do whatever I could for you. Just tell me what you want, Bella. Please." I glanced back at him and this time I really looked at him. I didn't realize vampires could look exhausted, but Edward did. He was drawn, and looked worn. His eyes were solid black, not a hint of gold. I wondered how thirsty he was right now, and how hard it must be for him, being trapped in the car with me. I shuddered.

"I just want to be happy." I said in a moment of vulnerability. He didn't say anything for a moment.

"Would you not be happy with me?" He whispered. I closed my eyes. This wasn't something I wanted to think about. It was a personal rule of mine not to think of what 'might' have been between Edward and I, and this was getting a little too close for comfort.

"I don't know. Maybe if you never had left it would have worked out. But the 'what ifs' don't matter. Things have changed."

"You mean your feelings have changed." He corrected.

"Well, yes, some of them have." I agreed. "A lot of things have changed, and I have to take all of that into consideration." I admitted.

"My feelings haven't changed. Are you taking that into consideration as well?" I looked back out of the window. I was being honest with him so far and I wanted to keep it that way, but I wasn't trying to purposefully hurt him. Then I took in the surrounding trees and wondered out loud,

"Where are we?" I didn't see any cars or houses.

"Still in town, I was just driving around. Is there anywhere you want to go?" He asked smoothly, but I answered,

"Yeah. Home." I wanted to find Jake. I knew he was going to go postal when he saw me in the car with him, but I couldn't risk him worrying about where I was. Edward never acknowledged my request but I assumed he was heading in the right direction. I remembered my question from earlier.

"And what about you showing up at my school? Now everyone is going to be talking."

"Actually, Alice and Esme already took care of that today. They made a few appearances around town and said they we were here for a summer vacation. We had to come up with some reason so we could go to your graduation and so that Alice could plan your wedding." I was amazed he was able to say that with a straight face. I realized that now Charlie would know that they were back, and I wasn't looking forward what he would have to say about it. Edward cut across my thoughts,

"Can we go somewhere and talk sometime? Just me and you." He asked quietly.

"I don't know..." I was pretty sure how Jake would feel about me going somewhere with him, alone.

"I know I have no right to ask anything from you, and this will be the only time I ever will. But if I could just have a chance... Some of your time..." He paused for a moment. "If it's closure you want, or answers, what ever, I will give it to you. Just please, give me this." I had to blink a few times, then I asked,

"When?" How could I say 'No?' And I had to be honest with myself... Part of me wanted to know what he had to say.

"Now. Tonight. Soon. When ever it's a good time for you." I let out a laugh. A good time? There wasn't a good time for something like this. I didn't say anything to him, though, I just shook my head. We pulled onto my street and he parked in front of my house. I put the strap of my bag on my shoulder and gathered my books into my arms.

"I'll let you know. Thanks for the ride." I tried to smile at him, but the look on his face was making my heart hurt, and I couldn't really get my face to cooperate. His eyes flashed away, and his expression went from pain to anger. Before I could ask him what was wrong, my door was flung open and I was jerked out of the car by my arm. The grip was tight around my upper arm, almost bruising and searing. I managed to plant my feet on the ground and take in Jake's trembling, shirtless form to understand. Oh yeah, he was going postal all right. I calmly said,

"Jake, you're hurting me." The words had barely left my mouth when two things happened simultaneously. Jake's grip relaxed considerably, but didn't release me, and a freezing hand wrapped around the same arm, right below my elbow and Jake's grip. Edward hadn't even bothered to go around the car, he just jumped across the seats and out the door, with a low growl rumbling in his throat.

"Let. Her. Go." he hissed menacingly. I licked my lips and was about to say it was okay, but Jake got there before I did.

"Get your hand off of her!" Jake snarled down at Edward, who looked small compared to him. But Edward didn't even flinch when he flexed his muscles threateningly. He just... Grinned?

"You wouldn't risk it, not when she is so close." Risk it? Risk what?

"Making excuses, are we?" Jake mocked, then said more seriously, "Get your hand off of my fiancee. Now." Edward stared at him, and I could feel the challenge rising between them. I hurriedly said,

"I'm fine, Edward. Really. You should go." He ignored that.

"If you ever hurt her, you will answer to me." Edward said to Jake, then turned to me. "Please consider what I asked you." He searched my face and eyes as he slipped his hand away from my arm. Jake shifted so that he was in front of me, halfway blocking him, and Edward seemed unable to just leave it that. "Try to pay attention to your _fiancee _from now on, so I won't have to pick up your slack." He said, his voice dripping with venom.

"Don't worry, I won't need any help from you ever again." Jake said quietly, but Edward was already walking around his car and Jake slammed the passenger door so hard the entire car shook from the force. I didn't even see Edward look back as he slammed his own door and sped off. Jake steered me to the house, still clutching my arm.

"Can I have my arm back now?" I reminded him. He let it go, but wrapped his arm around my waist instead. I didn't say anything about it. We went inside and Jake picked up the phone and called his dad and let him know we were both there and okay, then he collapsed on the couch. I walked over and sat next to him, and he said,

"I'm sorry. I over slept. I never do that, I always wake up when I need to."

"It's not a big deal."

"Yes, it is, Bella. It is a really big deal. I was literally on my way to get you no less then five minutes after you called my dad. When I got there, and you were gone..." He stopped, and seemed at a loss for words. "Why didn't you wait on me?"

"I'm sorry! I didn't know where you were! It was about to start raining, I just wanted to get home, and he showed up on his own, it's not like I called him." I pointed out.

"I know, I'm sorry. Is your arm okay?" I was absentmindedly rubbing it, but I stopped and said,

"Yeah, I'm fine. It's just... Don't freak out like that, okay? It's not like I was in trouble, or something." He spun his body around to face me.

"You just don't get it do you?" He shouted at me. Having his anger directed at me made me shrink back into the cushions. "He could have killed you at any second today. And you went with him willingly! You have no concept of how dangerous he is." He paused, then seemed to remember something. "What did he ask you?" I took a deep breath, and continued my honest streak.

"He wanted me to give him some alone time."

"And what did you tell him?" he asked harshly.

"That I would have to let him know. I knew you would feel strongly opposed to me going anywhere with him..."

"'Strongly opposed?'" He roared, then laughed sarcastically. "Yes, I admit I am strongly opposed to you running off with a vampire! I won't let you." My eyes narrowed and I asked,

"Let me?" I felt a little angry, but I stopped, and tried a different approach. "Why, other then my safety, do you not want me to go?" He ground out,

"Because... I don't... Want you to." I could see how much turmoil this was causing him, and since all this stress could be avoided I just shrugged my shoulders.

"Fine. I won't go." His anger seemed to vanish almost instantly.

"Are you serious? You won't?" He asked, like he didn't believe me.

"If it means that much to you, then no. I mean, you are the only person I have any obligation to, so if you feel that strongly about it, then don't worry. I'll stay with you."

"Are you tricking me?"

"Tricking you? No."

"It feels like you are using reverse psychology on me, or something." he mumbled.

"No, I'm being serious. We can just forget about it."

"Why were you even wanting to go in the first place?" He asked, and sounded a little hurt. I wasn't going to start lying now, so I said,

"Well, he agreed to answer every question I asked him. And there are some things that are still... Unresolved between us. I just thought it would be like tying up the loose ends. But I'm not going to do that at your expense. If this situation were reversed, and you were asking this of me, I know how I would feel about it, so it's okay." He just watched me, and wrapped his arm around my shoulders and brought me up to him. He took a deep breath and started apologizing.

"I'm sorry, Bella. For yelling, and for hurting you. I didn't mean to." I sat up and looked at him, but before I could speak he said, "I know I should be able to let you go... But how can I know that you will come back to me?" He sounded so torn up.

"Is that what you are so worried about? Listen, Jake, I will never leave you. You know that I'll come back because I'm telling you that I will." He shrugged his shoulders and said,

"Fine. Then go to him. Say whatever you need to, and hear whatever he has to say, but you promise me... You swear on my _life _that you will come back."

"Jacob, I swear on my own life that no matter what, I will always, always, come back to you. I will always be yours." I kissed him and he crushed me to him. Right now, I didn't care what Edward had to say, I just wanted to convince Jake that everything was okay, that we were together. That we had each other. I pulled away slightly and breathed against his lips, "Tell me you are mine."

"Isabella, My Queen, I am only yours. I'm going to spend the rest of my life serving you and pleasuring you and keeping you happy." He brought me into his lap and continued. "You will always be safe and taken care of. We are going to make a life together, one that we can both be proud of. I will stick by your side no matter what. I love you..." I cut him off with a kiss and he responded with vigor. Our limbs were wrapped around each other and in his attempt to roll us over, we ended up in the floor, but we didn't care. There was barely enough coherency between us to remove our clothes, and once the essentials were out of the way, Jake buried himself inside me with a grunt.

The floor wasn't exactly comfortable, but Jake cradled my head in his hand, holding my mouth to his while he moved between my legs. I was moaning against his lips and I had my arms wrapped around his neck, trying to keep myself in place. I could feel the trembles building up so I arched my body against his. It finally erupted and racked my body over and over and Jake slowed to help ease me down. Once it was over I went limp in his arms and he smiled,

"Are you giving in so soon?" I laughed.

"No, I just need to rest for a moment."

"Hey, I've got this, you don't have to do a thing."

"Won't you ever get tired?" I teased. He shrugged.

"Maybe after a few hours. Wanna find out how long it'll take?" He said as he gave me his trademark grin.

"You know, I have a feeling we just might." Jake pulled me up into sitting position with him and kissed me once again. This sure was going to be a fun ride.

Once we were done making love on the floor sometime later, we both managed to drag ourselves into the shower upstairs. We each had carpet burn on various parts of our bodies, not to mention Jake's claw marks and a hickey on my left breast. We enjoyed our shower time and played in the water until it ran cold. When we got out, and we were both wrapped up in towels I opened the bathroom door to let the steam out and gave a startled gasp when I saw Charlie standing outside the door, leaning against the frame. Jake popped into view behind me to see what scared me then stepped back behind the door with a mortified look on his face. Charlie just looked angry.

"Dad!" I made sure the towel was covering everything properly before continuing. "What are you doing here so early?" Oh crap, I didn't even know what time it was, but there was no way it was time for him to be him home already.

"I had to drop off the new carpet. What do you think you are in there doing with him?"

"We were just taking a shower." I said, truthfully. "Don't look so shocked! I'm eighteen, Daddy. And Jake and I are getting married, it's not like I'm just sleeping around." Wow, sometimes honesty is the best policy, it seemed to be working pretty good for me today. He just simply stared at me. I continued, "I'm sorry you walked in on this, I promise you, it won't happen again. I hope you still respect both of us." He nodded and said,

"Jacob." He walked back into view and said,

"Yes, sir?"

"I could use your help putting this carpet down."

"No problem, Sir." I was afraid that Charlie was about to say something else so I said,

"What do you want for dinner tonight?" In an attempt to change the subject. It took him a second to process my question, but when he thought about it, he said,

"Lasagna sounds good."

"Okay, no problem. See you tonight." He nodded then he turned and walked out. Once the front door shut behind him I put my hand over my heart and said,

"Whew. That could have gone a lot worse." Jake agreed,

"Seriously. He was wearing his gun and everything."

"I guess you know what that means!" I teased him as we walked into my bed room.

"What?" He asked, genuinely confused. I put him out of his misery and told him.

"He likes you." Once he thought about it, he smiled and said,

"Yeah, I guess you're right." And he didn't stop smiling, until he said, "Bella, I want to meet your mom. I think she should have a chance to get to know me before our wedding."

"I know, I think so too. I'll call her soon and we will work something out. But right now we need to get dressed and eat, cause I'm hungry." I threw him one of his shirts and a pair of boxers I had stolen from him, but he would just have to wear the same shorts, though. Once I was dressed, I picked up my brush and began attacking the tangles in my hair. After only a few jerks of my arm, Jake took my hand and stopped me. He took the brush and said,

"Here, let me." He steered me over to the bed and sat me down while he stood in front of me. "This is how my Mom used to brush her hair. You start at the bottom, and work you way up, like this." And he demonstrated it. He gently tugged the brush through the bottom few inches of hair, and it pulled out with no problem. He worked his way up until he could run it from my scalp to the tips without getting caught on anything, then moved over to the next section. I let my eyes close for a moment so I could enjoy the feel of his fingers combing my hair to the side until he had it all tangle free.

"There. That's better." He said in satisfaction once he was done. I stood and wrapped myself up in his arms and asked,

"Why are you so good to me?"

"Because I love you. And you let me." I pulled back and smiled.

"I'll always let you. Now come on, let me feed you." I pulled him in the direction of the door.

"Fine, I guess I can let you do that." He said in mock exasperation.

I finally got to make him some pancakes and sausage, and we ate as many as we could before we felt sick. I finished off my glass of milk and burped loudly before laughing and saying,

"Excuse me." Jake took a breath and let out a huge belch that seemed to shake the table, and finished with an,

"I win." I shook my head at him but couldn't help but laugh. I decided to put the lasagna together so all Charlie had to do was turn the oven on then get it out an hour later. After I had everything cleaned and put away, I tired to think of a way to bring up talking to Edward without upsetting Jake, but he beat me to it.

"Bella, before you go off with him, I wanted to ask you for something."

"Okay, what?"

"I want the same thing. When you get back, I want to get some answers to some of my questions. And you can ask me anything as well." It was only fair and I said,

"Sure. We can do that now, if you want. Ask me anything."

"No, I want to wait. We will have something to look forward to when you get back." I could tell just by looking in his eyes how much this meant to him.

"Of course. No problem." I looked around and my eyes landed on the phone and lingered. I guessed I should call Alice, she would know where to find him and let him know. I looked back up at Jake and he was staring right at me.

"There's one other thing..." I nodded to encourage him. "I want to use one of my hours." I had to think about that before I remembered.

"Oh, yeah. Okay. What do you want me to do?" He took my hand and said,

"Come with me." He took me upstairs and to my bedroom. "Stand right here." He said, and gathered me up into a big hug. I was a little confused but I hugged him back anyways. It seemed like he was trying to press as much of me into him as possible. He let me go and looked at me while smoothing back my hair. He started running his fingers along my cheeks and forehead, almost like how a blind person reads your face, like he was learning me. He began placing light kisses on me and I started to wonder what he was doing. His hands had worked down to my neck and shoulders, almost massaging me. He deepened the kiss and I was barely aware of my shirt being pulled up then over my head. Once it was off he spun me around and nuzzled my neck from behind. I could feel goosebumps appearing wherever his breath grazed across my skin. He rubbed my shoulders and back as he removed my bra then stood in front of me again.

He keeled down, breaking away from my lips, but latched onto my breasts in exchange. I wasn't complaining. I was halfway holding myself up by the grip I had on his neck, and I barely had to lean forward for him to reach, and the feeling of his hands and mouth were making my knees weak so I was sagging into him, but he didn't even notice. I suddenly remembered I was supposed to be keeping time, since that was part of the deal and I glanced at the clock. 2:19. I decided to round up to half past three, and if he was still going by then, I'd stop him. Or maybe not, if he kept doing that suction thing with his mouth.

While he was down there, he helped me out of my pants. I started clawing at his shirt, trying to get it off but he wasn't helping. He stood and easily lifted me up with him and deposited me on the edge of my bed. I was disappointed when he didn't join me, but at least he didn't break body contact. I squirmed as he tickled my sides and belly, but I felt my self getting excited as he went lower and lower. He spread my legs and propped my feet on the bed with the rest of me, and I closed my eyes. I inhaled sharply when I felt his tongue flick my middle, and I held my breath waiting for him to do it again., but felt nothing. I lifted my head and peered down at him and saw he was smiling at me.

"What are you waiting for? An invitation?" I knew I was wearing my own version of his sexy little smirk. He said,

"I'm not waiting any longer." I watched as he dipped his head, but as soon as I felt him I sighed and fell back onto the bed. I made fists full of sheets as I tried to anchor myself. Jake teased me with quick lashes from his tongue that made my toes curl then alternated to long broad strokes that soothed and relaxed me. He finally let me release after the third time he brought me up, and even though it was mind shattering, I knew he could do me one better. I expected him to be done down there, but he kept at me, and I didn't have the heart to stop him since it felt so good. I was reduced to whimpers the second time he let me, and now I was really ready for him to just take me.

"Jake!" I moaned, "Please!" He let me go and keeled on the bed. I had just registered where he was when he suddenly pushed his way inside. I was already so wet he slid in without even a little traction, and I was so sensitive from all of our recent love making and his previous ministrations, I came again with in his first few strokes.

"Please what?" I was shuddering as I said,

"Don't stop!" He grunted in response and my eyes rolled in the back of my head. Jake pounded into me until my legs went limp and I pulled on his arms, trying to bring him down to me. We were both sweaty, and I knew for a fact I was tired, but Jacob's persistent hard on was proof he wasn't done yet. I had been pushed back by his thrusts and my head was hanging off the side of the bed until he reached down and scooped my head up in his hand and started kissing my face and neck.

"Did I hurt you?"

"No, stop asking me that. I'm just tired. And sore. We've really been at this a lot lately."

"I know, I'm sorry. It's my fault, I need to control myself better." I leveled him with a stare.

"Jake, it's not just you, it's both of us. I've wanted and loved every minute of this with you. It makes me so happy that we can finally be together I can't seem to get enough of you." I could see how my words affected him, and he thrust inside me a little.

"Do you want to stop?" He whispered.

"Hell no. This is your hour. Do with me what you want... But I would like to flip over." I mirrored his grin. He did the work as always, and lifted my body like it weighed nothing. I balanced on the bed like I had the day before and he slowly re-entered me from behind.

"Don't worry, I'll be gentle." He said as I gasped at the feeling of him. I could feel every inch of him filling me up as much as possible as he took his time, making long slow strokes. I tossed my head and moaned, revealing in the pleasure. He continued for a couple of minutes, and I was surprised when he grunted and started pushing into me more insistently sending me into orgasm right along with him. When we landed on the bed together, I felt like I'd been rung out and hung to dry. I had no more energy left, and it was all too easy to slip off into oblivion when Jake was so close and keeping me so warm.

I started awake, but managed to swallow my scream. I wasn't sure what I had been dreaming about, other then I felt like screaming but couldn't get my voice to work, so I tired to run, but couldn't get my legs to move, and when I finally forced myself to wake, I couldn't even remember what had been so scary. Jake was snoring slightly beside me, apparently he was still wiped out. I quickly made my way to the restroom and back and he didn't wake up when he heard me moving around, so I dressed as well. My cell was on the night stand and after I made sure it was on silent I sent Alice a text message.

Hey. Is Edward near you? I got a reply a few seconds later.

Yes, he's here, talking to Carisle. Is everything okay? I knew what she was trying to ask in a round about way. I quickly sent another one.

Of course, I'm fine. Could you please tell him I'm ready to talk? After I hit send, I looked over at Jake's slumbering form and debated what I should do. I still didn't have my truck so I couldn't drive, and that was getting really annoying. There was no way I could take his car, but I didn't want to wake him up and have him drive me somewhere to meet Edward, that would only end badly, I'm sure. My phone lit up and I read,

He's on his way to you. I felt a little panicky. Now I really didn't want him to wake up and find him hear, but I couldn't just leave... I glanced around the room and spotted the sticky note Jake had left on my window not that long ago. I knew it by heart;

"_You are so beautiful when you sleep. Have a good day, I'll see you when you get home."_

That helped me decide on what to do. I quickly scribbled him a note saying where I had gone and that I loved him. I hope he wouldn't be mad. I stuck it on the pillow next to him and held my breath as I backed out of the room. Now that I was sneaking, I was afraid any little noise would be twice as loud and wake him up, so I tried to be as quite as possible. I tiptoed slowly down the un-carpeted hallway then took the stairs one at a time so I wouldn't fall. I saw that it was raining outside so I grabbed my jacket and opened and closed the front door as softly as I could. As I walked to the end of the side walk I slipped my jacket on and pulled the hood over my head. I bounced on the balls of feet, wishing Edward would hurry and get here so we could get this over with. Then I could show Jake that I was telling the truth, that I would really come back to him. I owed him that. I looked back at the house, expecting to see him running down to me, but he wasn't there. I heard a car and saw Edward driving up. As soon as he was stopped I opened the passenger door and jumped in and said,

"Drive. Now." He consented and as we sped away I looked back over my shoulder until I couldn't see the house anymore, and I never saw any sign of him. I now felt guilty about just leaving him there, and was about to ask him to turn around so I could at least wake him up and tell him I was leaving when Edward said,

"Making a break from your keeper, are we? Getting cold feet?"

"My feet feel nice and warm at the moment, thank you very much. And he's not my keeper."

"Then why are you sneaking off without him knowing about it?"

"He does know. He said I could go. I just left while he was sleeping, and he's not going to be happy when he wakes up and doesn't know where I am."

"You mean you had to ask for his permissionto talk to me?" He scoffed, then sped up even more.

"No, I mean we talked it out like normal people in a relationship are supposed to." I looked right at him. "I don't believe in making a decision that will effect someone else without even discussing it with them first." He looked over for only a second. "I didn't have to do this, Edward. I could still be in my room, laying in Jake's arms right now, but I'm here, doing something that you asked me to do. You can at least not act so ungrateful." I wasn't speaking harshly, but it had a lot of feeling behind it.

"I understand this is hard on you. I promise you I am grateful that you are giving me this chance. Please don't think I'm not." He stopped and I felt a little guilty, but I didn't take anything back. I surveyed the scenery and saw that he made a turn that was slightly familiar, but it wasn't somewhere I went often. I asked,

"Where are we going?"

"I said I wanted some alone time with you, and I mean alone. I need quite. I don't want any one else in my head, I want it to just be us. There is one place where we can have that." I felt my heart clench in my chest. I now recognized where he was taking me.

The Meadow.


	38. Chapter 38: Back To The Meadow

Chapter 38: Back To The Meadow

Edward had slowed down and we rolled to a stop in almost the exact same place that my truck had broken down. He put it in park but didn't turn off the ignition. I was considerably nervous. Jake words were echoing in my head.

_He could have killed you at any second today! _

I forced myself to look over at Edward to see him peering at me with a puzzled expression. I looked in his eyes and saw they were slightly more golden in the middle then I remembered them being earlier. He must have fed.

"You are not comfortable with this, are you?" He whispered. I took a deep breath and said,

"I'm just... I'm afraid."

"Of me." He said, and looked away, but I hurriedly corrected.

"No! I'm afraid... Of the forest. Of getting lost. I'm just.... Scared." I shrugged my shoulders to try and hid my shivering. I felt like I was losing control of my emotions, everything was getting to me too much. I shouldn't be so effected by being out here with him.

"Do you feel this way because I left you in the trees?" I closed my eyes but the tears began leaking out regardless.

"Yes!" I couldn't hold back my sob, nor the flood of words that escaped me. "I went after you! I _screamed _your name! I looked for you... Then when I realized that you really were gone... That I was all alone out there... I just wanted to disappear. I've felt lost ever since." I took a moment to breathe and he took advantage of my silence and said,

"You weren't alone." I looked at him in shock. He was gazing at me with a sad smile on his face as he explained, "It never occurred to me that you would try to follow me... I guess that shows how little I know you. But I stayed around you the whole time you were stumbling through the forest. It was a few of the most agonizing hours of my life." I shook my head in disbelief.

"You mean you were there? You heard me?" He turned his body to face me and began trying to explain.

"I had assumed you would go inside! When you ran further in, I couldn't just leave... What if you got lost? You certainly weren't paying attention to where you were going. I had to make sure you were safe. I kept my distance from you, watching you fall then get up and keep going, only to eventually not get up at all. I was a step away from reaching you when I realized it was too late. I had already done this, and I couldn't go back. I stayed hidden until Sam found you, then I left. But Bella, I promise I won't leave you out here. Do you trust me?" I looked away from him, and out of the rain streaked window.

"I don't know. I'm so confused when it comes to you..." I admitted.

"Well, at least I know how that feels." He replied. I smiled a little at him, since he had me there.

"Bella..." The way he breathed my name made me shiver again, "Please, come with me. To Our Meadow." He sounded so enticing, and I wanted to give in.

"It's raining." I pointed out.

"I brought a tent. It's small, but it will keep you dry." Damn. He thought of everything. "But we can stay in the car, if that's what you want." I nodded. I felt safer in the car for some reason.

"Lets stay. For now. If the rain stops we'll go." I promised. He gave a half smile. I was at a loss for what to say, and it was beginning to feel uncomfortable to have him staring right at me. I blinked then I felt his cold hand on my cheek before I could even open my eyes. When I did, his face looked unmasked for once. All of his emotions seemed to be showing, instead of being hidden. His voice was as smooth as honey, and he was slowly getting closer to me.

"So strong, and full of life. So beautiful." He said, his eyes boring down on mine. I closed my eyes again.

"Why are you doing this to me?" I whispered. I didn't even mean to say that out loud, but he heard. He didn't retreat as he said,

"Because I'm a disgusting, undeserving, cold hearted bastard. Because even though I have royally screwed up everything that could have been between us, I can't stop myself from trying to salvage something from the wreckage. Because I am completely and irrecoverably in love with you." He slid his hand to the back of my head and tilted my face up to look at his. The hole in my chest that I had been ignoring for so long seemed to knock the wind out of my lungs as it resurfaced with a vengeance. "Look at me!" He demanded. I looked, and I lost myself in the sheer beauty of his face. "What we have is rare Bella. This is the stuff fairy tales are made of... Or some twisted variation of one... I think you know what I mean when I say what we have is _true love!_ I know you feel it, Bella. Feel it!" He half screamed at me and I tired to pull away, but I was locked where I was. My heart was pounding and I felt scared again.

"Edward!" I gasped, and he suddenly released me and turned away from me, hiding his face. I swallowed and decided to push him, even though I knew I shouldn't.

"You speak of 'true love,' but who is the judge of whether the love is true or not? I did love you Edward, I truly and honestly and completely loved you. _My_ love is true... But all the loved turned out to be ammunition, and you used it all against me. How can you say your love was true? You broke the one unspoken rule of love. You said you didn't love me, and you left me, broken and absolutely alone." He whimpered and he curled into himself, but I didn't stop. "Despite all of that, I still love you. I think I always will. But what happened... When you left... It made room in life, and whether I liked it or not, in my heart also, for something else wonderful and beautiful that I could orbit around. For my Sun. You brought Jake into my life, even if it was accidental." He rested his forehead on his steering wheel, but he didn't make any more noise. He just listened, and I just talked. "And this is where I can prove to you that my love for Jacob is real and true. I will never betray him. I will never hurt him. I will love him until the day I die." He covered his face in his hands and moaned something that I couldn't understand. When he looked at me, it was with a slightly deranged facial expression. I was beginning to feel guilty until,

"But he is wrong for you, Bella!" I flared back up.

"How can you say that? He is the reason I am better! You've read his mind, you know what he thinks and what he feels. Answer me this; How does he really feel about me?" He stared at me. "You have to answer every question I ask you honestly. You _promised._" I reminded him. "Tell me."

"He truly does love you." He tried to reel in some of his emotions, and he sounded detached as he continued, "He is determined to be with you, would do just about anything to be. He reminds himself always not to take you for granted. If you were going to be with anyone other then me, he'd be your best bet. But you don't have to bet anything, not when you have something real." He made eye contact with me again, and he sounded more sincere. "I know I'm not the light of your life, but I can be your Moon. I can protect you and light your way when it's dark, because I will never sleep and I will never leave you ever again. I revolve around you." He never looked away from me and smoothly changed the subject, like he didn't want me to reply just yet, "It stopped raining." I looked and saw that he was right. He spoke softly, "I won't ask you to do anything you don't want to do. I will just beg for a chance. For you to come with me." He opened his door and stepped out and stood at the back of the car, facing away from me. He was leaving the decision up to me.

I took a deep breath and looked down at my cell phone. It had been almost a full hour since I left Jake, and he was surely awake by now, and getting really worried. I wondered why he hadn't called me yet. I could either ask him to take me home, or I could go with him to that scared place. I was afraid of what might happen if I went, but I was also afraid of not knowing. It was obvious he had more to say, but was there anything he could come up with that would change my mind about Jake? I was sure that it wasn't possible. I decided I had come this far, I needed to just ride it out and prove to him, Jake, everyone, once and for all, what my choice was. I got out of the car and walked towards him and said,

"Lets go." He looked at me curiously but didn't question me. He held his arms out, but I shook my head and said,

"Oh no, no running. We can go the slow way. My way."

"That is fine with me. This way." He said and he took my hand in his cold and hard as steel grasp and tugged me along. He seemed determined to have some physical contact, and how could I stop him? When our hands wrapped together so perfectly? When it was abating some of the pain that I had been carrying around in the center of my chest? I tired not to think about it, but it was all there was to think about. As we cut our way through the greenery, he began talking. "You know, I spend most of my time there, thinking of you. It's the one place where I can be at peace. The one place I feel close to you. Do you remember when we came here?" I scoffed at him.

"Like I could ever forget something like that. Though, after you left, I did start to worry that I had imagined it all. I mean, how could any of this... Vampires, werewolves, how can this be real?" I asked rhetorically, then continued. "Even though you said it would be like you never existed, it never was. You were always in my heart."

"Why did you let me out?" He asked. He was looking right at me, but wasn't even breaking his step. I glanced at him, but kept my eyes on the ground.

"I didn't. You are still there, you just don't dominate it anymore. You and Jake share it." I tried to explain how I felt, but it sounded sort of wrong. "It's just, I love you both. I can't help it. I love you both." I said with a shrug, like that was the only possible words in the English language to explain.

He didn't say anything for awhile, we just walked on faster, with my hand wrapped in his. It was almost twilight, and as the trees became denser, it got darker. There were no other sounds around us, other then the sound of my footsteps and quick breathing. After about two miles or so I had to stop and lean against an enormous Douglas Fir so I could catch my breath.

"Are you okay?" Edward asked, and he sounded concerned. _Such a fragile little human._ I shook my head to get rid of that thought.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. I just haven't done any hiking lately." I said with an attempted smile. He walked forward slowly, and even though I had been slowing down my breathing and my heart rate, it sped up as he got closer. When he was standing in front of me, he reached out, but before touching me, he said,

"May I?" I blinked as his breathe fanned across my face, and I felt a little intoxicated as I replied,

"Yes." Even though I wasn't sure what I was allowing him to do. He didn't need to be told twice though, because he closed the gap between us and eased me off the ground and into his arms. My head was swimming. One hand was at my lower back and the other cupped my face. It was already getting chilly, and I could feel his iciness seeping into me, making me even colder. He moved his head closer to mine and right when I felt his lips brush faintly across mine, the world seemed to implode and explode all at the same time, spinning in a vortex with us at it's center. A wind fiercer then what had just been blowing through the trees whipped around us and I could feel my hair flying around me. I clutched to Edward, holding myself up to him so I wouldn't be swept away in the current of the air. I was frightened and exhilarated, but it seemed like I would be okay as long as I held onto him.

Shock was the only adjective that could describe how I felt when he pulled our lips apart and I looked around. We were in the center of the meadow. Our Meadow. How many nights had I dreamed of this place? How many times had I wished to be back here with Edward? And now I was. I buried my face into my hands and wept. Edward held me close to him, but I didn't find any relief. I felt like I was suffocating. Like I was drowning. I was panicking. I backed away from Edward but I regretted it when I felt a wave of vertigo wash over me, and before I could stop them, my knees gave out from under me. Edward caught and gathered me in his arms, and even though he was making it worse, I curled up into him, seeking some form of comfort.

"Shh, shh, don't be upset." He crooned, and then started humming my lullaby. I cut myself off mid sob, just so I could let my ears bathe in the beautiful sounds he was purring into my hair. I could feel the vibrations from his vocal cords humming in his hollow chest, and the absence of a heartbeat had never seemed so blatantly apparent before. But I let him hold me. The sick, masochistic side of me wanted this. Edward stopped humming, but even when he was speaking it sounded so musical that I hung on his every word, not missing one.

"Let us pretend it is only you and I in the world right now. That is how it is for me. This is Heaven." He dropped a kiss on the top of my head and I stifled my sob with his chest. I raised my head up and he said, "I have to know... What are you thinking?"

"That it's not that easy. I can't just shut everything off like you can! Love isn't an on/off thing for me!"

"Nor is it for me! I have already told you I never stopped loving you! I just wanted to save you my _self _and my _world. _This is not for you..." He broke off, and I could see that same look creeping into his features, that same one he wore on his face the day he left. With strength I didn't know I possessed I pushed him away from me hard enough to send myself flying backwards, landing on my bottom. He had swayed back some, but I think that was just in shock on his part.

"Don't you dare..." I said quietly, to show him I was dead serious. "Don't you even _think _of bringing me all the way out here just so you can remind me of all the reasons why you think we _shouldn't _be together."

"That's not what I was saying... That was before."

"Before what? Before I decided to marry Jake?" I jabbed the question at him.

"No. Before that. It was when you came to our house. When you got me to play... I realized that I couldn't go on without you after all. But I didn't want to cause you pain, so I punished myself, told myself I deserved every ounce of pain I felt because of all the wrong I had done by you. I still decided to leave you alone. Part of me hoped you would seek me out. But you never did." I could hear him asking why.

"Because you were too late." I said, truthfully. He closed his eyes briefly but opened them and kept them fixed on me. He had a bitter smile on his face.

"Better late then never." I shook my head.

"What exactly are you asking me to do? What do you want from me?" I asked, trying to just get to the point. It was dark and cold, and now my butt was wet. I stood back up, ignoring his out stretched hand as he said,

"I just want to have a place in your life. Somehow. Somewhere."

"Okay, well, all I can give you is friendship."

"I'll take it. Just as long as you know that I love you and will continue loving you, no matter who you decide to marry." He said softly. I said,

"There was no choice to it! I only had one offer and I took it. It's not like I had any other options." I said, throwing it all in his face. I knew I was being vindictive, but it was making me feel a little better. Not really. This almost felt like Déjà vu.

"If I asked you to marry me, what would you say?" He turned the questions around onto me.

"I'd say no, because it's not like you thought it out. You are just asking me on a whim." I said, trying to hold together my composer.

He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a small ring box. He opened it and I let out a small whimper. I closed my eyes to block it out. I didn't want to see what was inside.

"Oh no, not another heirloom." I breathed.

"No, it's not. I bought this. I was going to give it to you on your birthday, but it didn't happen that way. I was going to ask you to marry me..." I shook my head, and he didn't make sound as he approached me.

"Just look at it, you don't have to take it. I just want to show you." My curiosity got the better of me. I looked. And it was stunning. There were three diamonds imbedded into a thin sliver band. The center one was bigger and slightly raised above the two smaller ones on each side. My hand reached for it without my brain remembering telling it to. He held it out for me, and I stopped with my finger an inch away.

"I knew you would like it." He said, sounding slightly triumphant.

"It's beautiful." I whispered.

"It's yours." He whispered back. But I stepped away.

"No. How can you do this? How can you ask me to do to him what you did to me?"

"Because I don't care about him." He spat. Even though he was supposed to be honest, I didn't want to hear that.

"I do." I reminded him.

"Stop thinking about him! It's not about him, this is about us!" He said, I could tell he was losing control of his emotions just like I was. But I wasn't letting up.

"Wrong! This is about you and your regrets! What is in this for me? You are doing nothing but making it worse for me!"

"I can give you things that he can't." I laughed.

"Like what? Could you kiss me, passionately? Could you make love to me? Could we have children together? Could we build a _life _together? What can you give me that Jake hasn't already?" He was on me in a second. I felt like I was flattened between two glaciers as he pressed against me, pushing me into the cold soggy ground. He held my head to his and kissed me fiercely, but I wasn't playing the submissive any longer, and I kissed him back just to see what I could do to him. I put most of what I had into it, and I could feel him reacting. And he wasn't pulling back.

A voice in the back of my head was wondering if I had finally pushed him too far, but it was silenced when Edward pulled my lip into his mouth, something he had never done before. I fought back by sliding my tongue in along with it and we both moaned. I could feel things figuratively heating up, even though I was cold down to my bones. And Edward wasn't stopping. I put both of my hands on his face and pushed against him, trying to remind him to slow down. My body was going all haywire.

He slowed and lessened the intensity of his lips. I could feel his hands wondering around areas they had never explored before. I was surprised when he tore my shirt open as if he was ripping a piece of paper. He broke away and left me gasping for air while he took in my exposed flesh. He was reaching for me again and I put my arms up, hands splayed, but he captured them easily and pinned them above my head. I was officially no longer in control, and I was getting worried.

He crashed back down on me and I thought he was going to kiss me, but I was momentarily confused when he began grazing his face all over my skin. When I noticed he was sucking as much air into his lungs as possible, I understood. He was smelling me. That realization worked like a domino effect and I understood something else also. It explained why Jake used one of his hours. He was marking his territory. Now that I was thinking of Jake, tears sprung into my eyes. What was I doing to him? Edward started talking and he distracted me.

"Say my name." He said, "Say it." I shut my lips, and he asked again, "Please, Bella. Let me hear you say _my _name." His hand wrapped gently around my throat and I swallowed, but didn't say anything. He kept talking. "I can give you one thing he never can. Immortality." He seemed to drag the word out, make it sound so tempting. "I could make you like me. A Cold One. I could give you that. If you wanted it. Do you?" I gasped, and hated that I was crying again.

"I did..." I mumbled. I could feel his thumb rubbing over the pulsing artery on my neck and I trembled.

"Say my name... That's all I need." I could feel his name on the tip of my tongue like a finger on a trigger, but I bit down on it. Edward was using everything he had to sway me, and I still listened to what he was saying. "But if you do, you will be mine forever. You could never go back."

Back where?

Back home?

Back to Jake?

Edward moved in and placed his mouth right where he would need it to be. I could feel his breathing tickling my skin there and giving me goosebumps. But something was ringing in my ears. Something only I could hear, but I could barely make it out...

It was Jake's voice in my head.

"_Come back to me! Promise you will come back to me!"_

Before I even knew what I was shouting, I heard myself. "Jake!" It erupted from me like an explosion and I could feel the tearing agony ripping through my heart that making the choice caused, but it was nothing compared to the ripping I felt at my neck. I yelled out in pain. At first, delirium took over and I thought I had been bit, but the pain wasn't burning like acid and spreading in my veins. I felt something cold and wet drag across the painful place. Edward suckled at my neck and I mewled. When he let go I opened my eyes to see Edward licking his lips. He removed his hand and pulled himself off of me, while I felt at my neck. I realized it was his thumbnail that had pierced my skin, not his teeth. There was blood on my hand, and the coppery smell was making my head spin. Edward had backed about a foot away from me, and from what I could see, his eyes were jet black with a streak of red blazing around each pupil. He bowed his head, rather in shame or anger, I didn't know, but it seemed like I had finally convinced him that I wasn't going to pick him. I looked around, and despite the openness and the fresh air, I felt claustrophobic.

I needed to get out of here. I needed to be away from Edward.

I need Jake.

I made my way to my feet, and Edward looked up and held out his hand.

"Bella." He whispered. I shook my head and backed away.

"No. Leave me alone." There. I said the words. He would do whatever I asked of him. His arms dropped to the side and he looked like he was dying. He walked towards me, but I turned and fled, running as fast as I could for the safety of the trees. Funny, that now they felt safe, when before they were always so menacing. I glanced back at him before he was swallowed up by the trees and saw he was on his knees. The sight almost stopped me, but I stumbled along blindly, and was forcefully reminded of the last time I did this, and how different my feelings were now compared to then. There was no going back.

I ran in a straight line for a long time dodging trees and branches, until I tripped over a root and went down on all fours. I closed my eyes and listened to my ragged breathing, trying to force myself to slow it down. I tried to tell myself to just hold it together. Wait a little longer. Just make it through this and then it will be fine...

I prayed.

_Please, just help me through this._

I forced myself to stand and looked around, looking for a trial, a sign, anything, to let me know where I was and where to go from here. There was nothing. I looked around again, and I heard myself as if from far away asking,

"Where? Where?" Something snapped to my right and I automatically took off running in that direction. I heard another noise a little to my left and I veered my course. I kept my hands out, grabbing onto limbs and tree trunks to help keep myself up, I didn't want to fall again. I was amazed when I stumbled onto a trail fell to my knees once again. I kept following it in the direction that I had been heading, and after what felt like several more hours of running and walking I emerged out onto the road about twenty feet from Edward's car. The driver side door was open and the car was running. It seemed he kept his promise, and didn't leave me out there alone. I didn't even look around for him as I made a bee line for the car, I just took my ticket out of there.

When I got in I saw the same small box Edward had showed me while we were in the meadow sitting on the dash in front of me. I picked it up and threw it in the passenger seat. I slammed it in drive and made a quick and well executed U-turn so that I was facing the right direction, then floored it. Now that I was driving I was faced with where exactly I was wanting to go. I wanted to see Jake most of all, but the box in the seat next to me kept drawing my attention. I didn't want it. It would only ever remind me of what I had turned my back on. I wanted to get rid of it, and there was only one place that came to mind, and it felt right.

Now that I knew where I was heading, I drove faster, and was shocked when the car consented without a hitch, unlike my truck, which would have shaken it's self to pieces at this point. I was thankful when I saw the turn off and made it back onto the highway. I glanced at the dash and noticed the time was late, almost Nine o'clock. I decided to call my place and see if Jake was there, and at least let Charlie know I was okay and would be home soon. I felt around in my pockets but realized I didn't have it. I must have lost it along the way. I cursed, but there wasn't anything I could do about it at the moment.

But looking for my phone reminded me of my appearance and I looked down at my ripped and bloodied shirt. I tired to look in the rear view mirror at my reflection, but had to adjust it so I could see, then pushed it away from me. I was a mess.

I finally felt a little hope when I saw the shoreline. There weren't many cars out and there were even fewer at the beach. I parked where Jake always does when he brings me out here and looked down at myself. I zipped up my jacket and brushed my hair back with my hands. I tried to wipe some of the caked up blood off of my neck but it was starting to make me nauseous so I stopped. After I had done all I could I reached over and grabbed the box then got out of the car and followed the path we sometimes took. My feet were aching and I felt exhausted but I ignored that. There were more important things to worry about right now.

I made it to the cliff top where Jake brought me the day he gave me his ring and I stood, looking out at the sea. The ring box was clutched tightly in my right hand, and I could almost feel the weight of all the lost promises, as if they were in there with the ring. It felt so heavy. I raised my arm to throw it into the ocean, but my head and my heart were telling me two different things. My head knew I needed to figuratively and literally let go of anything involving Edward, but it was easier thought then done. My heart was clinging to whatever it could, not wanting to realize it was already over. My own sob startled me, and I had to close my eyes for a moment to clear my thoughts.

_Okay, breathe._

I tried to stop the flood of emotions that were attempting to drown me and listened to the waves. I felt the sea breeze blowing against my skin, and I could smell the slat in the air. After everything else died down, all I could think was one thing.

I wanted to try it on. I shook my head, as if telling myself no. I didn't need to torture myself anymore, but I wanted to see what it looked like. I looked down at my ring finger, where Jake's ring rested, and I felt even worse. I needed to get to him, quick. With my mind made up, I decided to quickly slip it on my _other _finger, just to see. It felt like cheating to take off the right one. I carefully popped the box open and I gazed at the sparkling beauty. My breathing was speeding back up as I lifted it out with the tips of my fingers. I closed my eyes as I slid it on, and was surprised to feel that it was a perfect fit. I opened my eyes and looked at it, and gasped. All the 'what if's' and 'could have been's' washed over me, and I felt like crumbling. I fell to my knees and held both of my hands up together, so I could see them both side by side. Both rings held such an importance to me. Both were opposites, just like the men who gave them to me, but neither was less valuable. But I could only have one. The weight of Edward's ring was bearing down on my finger until I thought I would scream if it didn't end. I jerked it off and flung it as hard as I could and as far away into the sea as it would go.

It seemed like that was the last string, and I shattered on the ground. I curled up in the sandy grass without even remembering laying down. I tried to cry it all out, but it just never seemed to stop. I clawed my way over to the edge so I could look down, as if I was hoping to see where it went. But now it was lost forever. Just like Edward was to me. I felt afraid, like I might suddenly tumble into the water below so I tried to stand, but my legs were so shaky I wasn't sure if I could. I was so high up, but I couldn't make myself look away. When I finally managed to drag myself up, I stood, gazing down still. I closed my eyes, trying to stop the flow of tears, but it didn't help. I was about to turn and walk away when I felt like I had just been hit by a moving car. A hot solid wall slammed into my right side and flattened me to the ground. All the wind was knocked out of me, but the feel and smell of him was all I needed to know who it was and that I was finally safe again.

"Bella!" I opened my eyes and saw that Jake was searching my face. Beautiful Jake. He was panting. "Are you okay?" I nodded and I kissed him. His lips were surprisingly gentle and smooth. They warmed my chapped lips. He pulled back and ran his hand through my hair while he was still looking me over as is he needed to see for his self that I was really okay.

"Why did you tackle me?" I asked.

"Because I thought you were going to jump! You were so close to the edge!" He sounded almost hysterical. I was running out of energy and all I wanted to do was wrap myself up in Jake. He stood up and brought me with him. I didn't protest as he cradled my body in his arms. "Do you need a doctor?" he asked. I looked up at him and said,

"No, I'm fine. Just take me home. To our home. I just need to be with you..." I buried my face into his bare chest and balled.

"Okay, we are going. Don't cry, baby. Everything is going to alright, I promise." I nodded and knew that if he promised it, it would be true. I sniffled and tried to stifle my tears yet again. When we reached the cover of the trees I could feel him running faster, but not so fast as to scare me. His eyes pretty much stayed on me, he only occasionally looked to see where he was going. But that was fine.

Every thing was going to be okay.

Jake promised.


	39. Chapter 39: Karma

Chapter 39: Karma

I woke up without remembering falling asleep. The steady rhythm of Jake's feet pounding on the ground and the sound of his heart must have lulled me to sleep without me even noticing. My head was resting on his shoulder and his arm was underneath me. I wrapped my legs more securely around his waist and raised my head slightly so I could plant my lips on the side of his neck. He squeezed me tighter, but kept running. I closed my eyes and relaxed as I breathed him in. My head was pounding and my body was aching, but I felt much calmer now.

We suddenly came to a stop and I looked around, and recognized the deck we were standing on. I vaguely remembered asking him to bring me here, and it still felt sort of surreal so I just held onto his shoulders and buried my face into him. He quickly unlocked the back door and stepped inside, kicking the door shut behind him. I counted his steps as he stomped quickly through the house; Six strides. I felt him leap once, then again, and we were up the stairs. I didn't even care where he was taking me. I was just so thankful to be with him. I was perfectly content to let me just take over so I wouldn't have to think.

The bathroom light blinded my eyes, and I only caught a glimpse of us in the mirror before I had to shut my eyes. I heard the water running and I smile a little. How was it that Jake always knew the right thing to do? I felt myself being propped against the sink so he could remove my clothes, but I was so weak I couldn't really help. I had to grip his shoulders to keep myself standing when he bent down to pull my pants off.

I was still freezing, and the cold air seemed to bite at me. I could seem steam rising from the water filling the garden tub. It looked wonderful. Jake opened the cabinet next to where I was standing and knocked some bottles around, then looked in the next. He found a bottle filled with something pink and he dumped the whole thing into the tub. I watched as the bubbles grew bigger and bigger and the smell of roses started wafting through the air. He tossed it aside and removed his shorts he lifted me in his arms again and stepped into the water. He slowly began to sit me down but when my feet touched the water it was too hot. I hissed and he immediately lifted me back up to him.

"Sorry!" He whispered fervently. "I can't tell... I'm so sorry." He bent down and turned the knob some. "Feel that." He said, and I let my arm fall from his neck so I could feel the water gushing out of the faucet.

"Yes, that's good." I said, wiggling my fingers as the hot water brought some of the feeling came back in to them. He stood and waited for the temperature to cool, but kept me wrapped very close to him, and it was helping my teeth to stop chattering. When he was finally able to lower us into the water, I sat in his lap, wrapped resolutely around him. I would not let go. Jake rubbed my back soothingly, and I let myself cry. Even though I had already decided I would always be with Jake, when I was out there, it seemed like anything could happen. I knew I had cut it close, that I had almost broken my promise to him, and something about almost losing him made me realize that I would never put myself in any situation like that again. I would always stay by his side, safe from harm.

Jake waited quietly and patiently for me to stop crying, and when I had finally digressed to dry sobs, I made myself look at him. His face was smoothed and relaxed as he ran his finger down my cheek, wiping away the tear streaks, but his eyes were another story. They were burning. He dipped his hand in the water and brought it up to my neck and wiped away the dried blood. It took three times before it was cleaned away. He smoothed back my hair, pushing it away from my face and behind my shoulders. His hands massaged my arms, like he was trying to warm me and he asked quietly,

"Are you still cold?" I shook my head and said,

"No." But my voice was rough and raspy. He reached over and turned the water off, and it was suddenly very quiet. I tried to clear my throat and I started saying, "Jake, I am so sorry..." But he cut me off with a,

"Shh. You don't have anything to apologize for." He cupped my face and looked right into my eyes. "You came back." He said, and I felt the tears prickling in the back of my eyes once again.

"Yes." I agreed, and I placed both of my hands on his face as well. "I love you, Jacob, and I'm just sorry! I am _so _sorry." I wailed, before the ability to communicate left me.

"It's okay Bella, you don't have to cry anymore. Remember a long time ago, I promised you that I would wait for you, and that if you chose me, you would never cry again?" I nodded. "This night is the last night you will ever have to cry. We are together. We always will be. You will not have to be sad, ever again." I wrapped my arms more tightly around his neck and babbled,

"You have to promise me you won't ever leave me. You are stuck with me now."

"Bella, I'm not going anywhere, and if I do, I'm taking you with me." He said with a smile. "I promise." I leaned forward and let my lips rest on his. The water was so warm and relaxing, and Jake was absentmindedly rubbing from my sides down to my thighs, and back up again. I rested my head on his shoulder again, and I closed my eyes, focusing on the beat of his heart. I felt Jake's chest expand with air and he asked neutrally,

"Are you going to tell me what happened?" Suddenly I felt rather cold. I knew I had to be honest with him, I was just afraid of how he would react. And I knew reliving it would not be pleasant, but I knew I had to get it out tonight, I could not let it fester between us. Once I started talking, it was actually easier that what I thought it would be. He never made a noise or asked a question, he just listened to me explain why I decided to leave while he was sleeping, and I explained the significance of the Meadow so he would understand why he wanted to bring me there. I admitted to the kisses, and even though he tensed, he didn't stop me. I mentioned the ring, but I tried not to give him any indication that I had liked it. I hesitated when I got to the part about him offering to turn me. His jaw was clenched but he spoke calmly.

"You don't have to talk about this..." He started, but I sat up and looked at him.

"No, Jake, I do. I have to tell you this. I want to get it over with now." He nodded and I moved off of his lap and settled into the water next to him, up to my neck in bubbles. I kept my body pressed up against him underneath the water. When I finally said it he looked right at me, and I had to stop to collect my thoughts.

"He was ready to do it, all I had to do was say him name. But all I could hear was you, in my head, telling me to come back. So I said your name." His eyes were boring into mine.

"And your neck?" I reached up and felt the cut. I knew it was small and not very noticeable, but it was a little deep and would leave a scar.

"It was an accident, he did it with his thumbnail." He leaned forward and put hand thumb where the mark was, and wrapped his hand gently around my neck. I knew he was just seeing where his hand had been, but the fierceness in his eyes was unmistakeable. He looked like he could kill someone. And I was pretty sure who.

"What happened after that?" He asked quietly.

"I told him to leave me alone, and I ran away. I'm sure I was lost at one point, I know he helped me find my way out and then keys were in his car. I didn't even consider anything else, I just jumped in and took off. He had put the ring in the car, and I decided I didn't want it. I drove to the beach and walked up to the cliff, where you found me. I threw it in the ocean." His eyes softened and he said,

"That was a brave thing to do." I leaned up in the water and looked at him seriously.

"Brave? I am _not _brave." I said with a laugh. He turned to face me and smiled a little.

"You don't give yourself enough credit. I admire your strength, and even your reckless disregard for your own safety. I mean, even when you needed to be away from me, even when I _showed _you why, you never shied away. You stood your ground. And you've made it through so much. I want to make sure you don't have endure any more hardships, though. I can be brave for both of us." I wrapped my arms around his neck,

"I'd like that," I admitted. He surely was strong enough to protect me, he made me feel less vulnerable. I was reminded of how sleepy I was and I asked him,

"Do you know what time it is?"

"No, but it's late."

"Does anyone know where we are?" I wondered, and he said,

"No, it's just us." That thought put a smile on my face. I asked another question,

"Is there a phone here? I think I lost my in the woods."

"Nope. I guess we need to get going, then. You have school tomorrow." I nodded and even though I knew he was right, I didn't want to leave. We let the water drain while we ran the shower, rinsing off the soap suds but not the smell lingering on our skin. Jake stepped out saying,

"There's got to be some towels around here somewhere..." And luckily found two in the closet. He wrapped me up in mine then started drying off while I watched him with fascination. Once I was done I said,

"I don't have anything to wear..." There was no way I was going to get back into that ripped and bloodied shirt or the dirt and sand covered pants. Jake had already slipped back into his shorts and said,

"Come on, lets look in my old room, there might be some stuff left behind." He led me to what was obviously a little boys room and he looked in some drawers while I glanced around. He found a shirt and pair of checkered pj bottoms that would look like Capri's on me, but at least they would fit at the waist. I looked at the illustration on the shirt and said with a laugh,

"Star Wars? Seriously?" Yoda was standing with his light saber held in front of him, and it read, 'May The Force Be With You.' I laughed again and slipped it on.

"Hey, that used to be my favorite shirt." he said, "Be careful. The force is strong within this one," pointing at himself and then he made what was unmistakably the sound of the light saber cutting through the air and I laughed even harder. I was right about the length of the pants, but I was so thankful to have something clean to put on I didn't complain, I just asked,

"How old were you when you wore this stuff?" He shrugged,

"I don't know, like nine or ten. You look beautiful." His compliment threw me off and I looked at him like, 'yeah, right.' I started self consciously running my fingers through my tangled hair, trying to smooth it out. He walked closer to me and I stopped so I could reach out and hug him. He kissed my head and said, "You really do." Like he heard my denying it. I looked into his eyes, and he dropped a small kiss onto my lips. "We need to get going, I'm sure Charlie is getting worried"

"It was nice to disappear with you, even if it was only for a little while." I admitted, and he smiled big and said,

"We will have to do this again someday then."

"Someday _soon." _I corrected. We were both smiling as we walked down the stairs and to the back door.

"We'll go to my house from here and get your truck, then go back to your place. We can call Charlie when we get there, though." I nodded, agreeing with his plan. Once the door was locked he lifted me up in his arms, holding me tightly. As he made his way quickly and seemingly effortlessly though the greenery I asked,

"Jake?" And he said,

"Hum?" While he jumped a few feet in the air, over a fallen tree.

"How did you know where to find me? What happened after I left?" He slowed down some.

"Well, when I woke up, I knew you weren't there, and where you had gone. Not exactly _where, _but with _who. _I read your note, of course. I tried to distract myself and give you time to come back. I did all the carpeting in the hallway and even fixed a loose floorboard in your bed room." He looked intently at my face when he told me that, but I just said,

"Oh, wow, thanks." He continued.

"I waited until Charlie got back, lied and said I had Sam help put the carpet down so he wouldn't ask any questions, so if you asks you..." I nodded, catching on. He continued. "Well, it turns out that the Cullen's decided to make it known they were back in town, and your Dad talked to me about it, said he was worried what it might do to you. I told him you already knew, and that you were out with Edward right then." I gasped and he said, "I know, I probably shouldn't have, now that I think about it, but at the time, well... I wasn't really thinking. He was kinda agitated and tried to call you, but your phone wasn't working. I told him I would find you, and bring you home. That was around Eight, I guess.

"When I left your house, there was only one place I knew to start, so I went to his house. The little one, Alice, was there. We talked, and she told me she was 'watching' both of you, but she could only see as it was happening, but not what was going to happen. She assured me you were fine and that she wasn't quite sure where you were other then somewhere in the forest. I waited around with her, trying to think of where you could be, then she gasped. She started running and said... Said he almost lost it, and you were bleeding, but she couldn't see you anymore after that. I had never felt so scared in my life." He stopped and give me a quick squeeze. "All I could think was that I had to find you and get to you as soon as possible. I suddenly remembered the night your truck broke down and I went with my gut and half way there I knew I was on the right track because I could smell you in the area. Alice was right behind me, and she found Edward and asked where you were. He didn't even talk to her, he looked right at me and said, 'She took my car' and pointed up the lane. I was furious with him that he let you leave, I knew you were upset. I was so close, I must have just missed you. Alice still couldn't see where you were going so I took off through the woods.

"I thought about you, and about all the places we had been. I don't know what made me think of the beach, but once I thought it, I knew that was the right place. I didn't even phase, I just went after you as fast as I could. I came out of the trees and above all the other smells and sounds, I could hear you and smell you. You were crying, and I followed the trail up and when I saw you, you were leaning over the edge, looking down, and I just thought... I could just see you jumping in my head, and I knew I had to stop you. I ran faster then I think I ever have. There aren't words to explain how relieved I was to finally have you back in my arms, alive and whole." He swallowed hard and I placed my hand on the side of his face.

"I promise, Jake, that I will never put you through anything like that ever again. I'm..."

"Don't say it." He cut me off. "Remember?" I nodded. I waited a second then said,

"Jake?" He just let a rumble escape him and I took that as an okay. "Can I say thank you?" He looked down at me for a moment and said,

"For what? I didn't do anything." I swatted his chest, but left my hand where it landed so I could trace his taunt muscles.

"You don't give yourself enough credit." I reiterated what he told me earlier. "You have saved me again and again and again... How can I ever repay you?" I asked and was surprised that he answered me so readily.

"You can marry me." I looked up at him and said,

"I thought we already decided on that." He shrugged,

"We did. I just don't know if maybe your feelings have changed..." This time, I cut him off. I covered his mouth with the tips of my fingers and said,

"My feelings will never change when it comes to you..." Something rustled in the trees and Jake froze and plastered me to his chest like he was afraid someone was going to run by and snatch me from him. For some reason, and I was sure Jake was that reason, I didn't feel half as scared as I normally would, and should have felt. He relaxed a little and said,

"It's the pack." And continued down the path. I nodded, but since we were no longer in private I didn't ask anymore questions. Then I remember there was no privacy at all anymore, but I still laid my head on Jake's chest and waited. I glanced around but didn't see or hear a thing to let me know there were others. When we emerged in his back yard and I looked over his shoulder and watched as Sam came jogging out, followed by three others, some of who were still tying the strings on their shorts. They all looked angry and were flickering their unhappy glances at me.

"Jacob, care to explain yourself?" Sam asked harshly, but Jake kept walking.

"Not at the moment." Sam growled and said,

"_Stop._" And Jake lurched forward a little, like he hand been held back by something.

"You haven't checked in with any of us all day, you've had us running around the entire town looking for both of you, thinking the worst, and I will not wait another minute to hear your explanation. Just what in the _hell _have you been thinking?" Jake spun around and faced him.

"I'm not having this conversation right now. I have to get Bella home, she has an exam tomorrow."

"Bella can go, but you aren't going anywhere. You are staying here tonight."

"The hell I am!" Jake started to shake and he took a deep calming breath as he slowly lowered my feet to the ground. "Go inside, Bella, and call your Dad. Tell him we will be there shortly." I was about to protest but he looked in my eyes and said, "Bella. Go." And I felt the seriousness in his voice. I felt bad because all this was happening because of me, and now I had to leave Jake alone to fight our battles. It went against my every instinct, but I made my feet carry me slowly up to the back porch and into the kitchen, where I found Billy sitting in his chair by the door.

"Billy," I said when I walked in. "I'm so sorry about all of this. It's all my fault! Jake was just trying to help me." He nodded and said,

"Don't worry, everything is going to be just fine." Now I knew where Jake got his optimism from. He handed me the cordless and said, "Call your Dad before you put anymore gray hairs on his head." I smiled weakly at his joke but quickly dialed my home number. He seemed just as upset as Sam was, and demanded to know what I was doing, where I was, and told me to come straight home,

"Right this instant." I tired to clam him down and told him everything was fine and I would be there soon, trying to think of someway to stall. Billy made a movement and I looked over at him while he did it again. It looked like he was miming how to start a car. Then it hit me.

"I'm having some car trouble, my truck won't start again and Jake is trying to take care of it really quick." He sighed and sounded tired.

"You have school tomorrow, Bells, it's almost midnight."

"I know, I know, and I'm gong straight to bed as soon as I get home." I waited and he said,

"Fine. But tomorrow, we are gonna talk about this. Understood?"

"Got it. Sorry, Daddy." I added, and almost heard his anger fade.

"It's alright, I'm just worried about you, kid."

"You don't have to be," I said truthfully, "Jake takes good care of me."

"I know." He said, "I know. Come home soon, Bella. Soon." He repeated.

"I will. Love you. Bye."

"You too. Bye." I ended the call and breathed out a sigh of relief. "Thanks, Billy."

"No problem. Your Dad has his heart in the right place." I walked over to the window as I said,

"Yeah, I know." But when I looked out of the window I gasped. Embry was standing between Sam and Jake, who looked like there were about to rip each other apart without even bothering to turn. As soon as I thought that, Jake seemed to erupt into his russet colored fur, splitting his shorts into tiny shreds and landed gracefully on all fours. Sam was right behind him, and even though I had no idea what was being said, it was obvious there was a confrontation going on. Without even thinking of my actions, I walked towards the door, planning on going back out there. Billy said,

"Bella, no!" His hand wrapped around my wrist and I was surprised by the power in his grip. "You can't go out there. You have to wait here." I nodded and walked back to the window so I could see. Now no one was standing in between the huge wolves, they were just circling each other. I started chewing on my bottom lip. I wished I knew what was going on. I didn't have to wait long, though, before it looked like Sam was retreating slightly as Jake walked closer to him. I was getting scared, but then Jake phased back and I was only minimally distracted by his nakedness when Sam let out a long howl, but Jake turned and walked back to the house. I watched him storm up the steps and even though I knew it was coming I still jumped when the door crashed open. I saw Sam running up behind Jake and I put my hand in front of my face to shield my eyes from his naked flesh.

"Don't do this, Jacob!" he yelled, but Jake snagged my hand, pulling me along to his room with his and said, like he was talking to someone right in front of him.

"I already did." Jake about ripped his door off the wall when he opened it and walked over to his dresser where he grabbed another pair of shorts and a shirt. He slipped the shorts on then took my hand and said,

"Come on, we are leaving." Billy blocked the door with his chair, and said,

"Jake, what is going on?"

"It's over, Dad. I'm not taking orders from him anymore. Now let me by, I have to get Bella home or Charlie will worry." I was surprised when Billy wheeled himself out of the way. Jake wasted no time pulling me after him and I heard Billy say,

"We will talk about this later." Before we made it out the door I looked back and said,

"Sorry. 'Night." He nodded and said,

"Goodnight. Be safe." That was the last thing I saw was Sam's furious expression before the door shut behind us. I was practically running to keep up with him and I was out of breath when we made it to my truck. He opened the driver side door and I got in slid over so he could drive.

"Keys?" Was all he said. I fumbled open the glove box and pulled out my only spare key. He quickly shoved it in the ignition and turned it over... Nothing happened. My breath caught in my throat and Jake's eyes fluttered shut. "Not now. This isn't happening." He whispered. He tried it again and still, nothing. His hands balled to fists and he popped the hood and stepped out of the cab. He walked over and wiggled the battery cables and looked like he was trying to tighten them. He said,

"Try it," and I reached over and did. It turned over halfway, but didn't catch. Jake swore, then said,

"Stay right here. I'll be right back."

"What? Where are you going?" I asked, and I suddenly felt afraid and I wondered why I hadn't been before? I pushed the thought aside and listened as he said,

"I need to get something. Look, close your eyes, count to ten. I promise I'll be back before you get there." He tired to smile, but I could see his emotions were running haywire so I nodded. I didn't need to make anything else any harder then I already had. I closed my eyes, but opened them so I could watch him speed off. I started counting out loud, and was shocked to see how fast he ran. At three I couldn't see him any more, but at six he came back into view. He was back at the trunk at eight. He had a large heavy duty looking wrench in his hand and I watched in shock as he started hitting and banging on different parts of the inside. If I thought he would have heard me I would have told him to stop, that this surely could not be helping, but I didn't bother. Once he stopped he said,

"Try it." I did, and to my astonishment, it worked. He slammed the hood and jumped in, smiling slightly. He threw the wrench behind the seat and shifted into park in one quick motion, and then we were off. I ignored the seat belts and slid closer to Jake. I didn't question him, I wanted to wait until I knew he was calmer. Instead I rubbed his arm and his shoulder, trying to work some of the tension out. I thought I saw his grip on the steering wheel loosen and I was elated that I could help him._ I_ could handle him.

At least now when I told Charlie that the truck wasn't working, it wouldn't be a lie anymore. I noticed that where he was concerned I seemed to be getting my karma pay backs. First, him walking in on Jake and I in the shower because he had to replace the carpet we ruined in the first place, then after I said the truck wouldn't start, it really wouldn't. Karma could be a real pain. I sighed, then yawned widely. When we pulled up to my house he said,

"I'll be in your room." He was about to get out but I stopped him with a hand on his cheek. He faced me and waited. I leaned forward and placed my lips on his. He responded by pulling me closer and I deepened the kiss. I turned my head to the other side so I could reach his lips from another angle while I let my hand slid down his exposed chest. He wrapped his large hands around my arms, his fingers over lapping, and pulled me back just enough so our lips weren't touching. "You need to get inside." He reminded me, and I said,

"I know, and I want you to walk in with me. No sneaking." He asked,

"Why?" I shrugged,

"Because I have a feeling that everything that just went down with Sam had to do with you having to fight to be with me, and I'm not going to hid you in my room. I want Charlie to know you are staying, and if he doesn't like it then we can leave. Together." He shook his head,

"No, I don't want you to fight about this, he's mad enough as it is..."

"Jake, you aren't listening! Let me show you that you mean as much to me as I do to you!" He looked intently at me, and I continued, "I'm sure it will all be fine, just, please? Will you let me do this?" He half smiled and said,

"If this is what you want." I nodded,

"It is. Now come on." We both got out on the driver side and I held his hand tightly as we walked up the steps and into the front door. Every light in the living room was off, even the television. We walked into the kitchen and found Charlie sitting, staring at the clock.

"I'm home." I announced unnecessarily. He flicked his eyes over us and at our hands locked together.

"About time." He said. Jake spoke,

"I'm sorry we are so late. Car trouble. I think it's about time Bella got a new vehicle." He said, and I looked over him to see if he was joking, but he looked serious.

"No, I love my truck." Charlie ignored that and asked,

"What are you wearing?" I looked down to see what he meant and almost busted out laughing, but I held it in.

"I uh, needed a change of clothes. This is all we could find." He chewed on his cheek and I glanced around, trying to think of something to say, and asked, "Did you eat the lasagna?" He nodded,

"Yeah, there's some left in the fridge." I let go of Jake and got it out, making two big plates and popped one in the microwave. Charlie was looking from Jake to the two plates and I turned around as I said, "Jake is staying here tonight, Dad."

"Bella, I think it would be best if he went home. You need to get some sleep." I faced him and said,

"Well, if I need to sleep then I don't think it would be 'best if he went home.' Did you hear me scream at all last night?" I asked, and I could tell by the look on his face he knew I was talking about the nightmares. "I need him here, and if you aren't okay with that, then we have our own place where we can go sleep. But either way, I will be with Jake, where ever he is." The microwave dinged and I turned and took it out and put the other in. I sat the plate down where Jake always sits and said, "Eat!" I had him a fork by the time he sat and he dug in. I looked over at Charlie and I could tell he was weighing his options. He knew since I was Eight teen that, cop or not, he couldn't force me to stay, but I had a feeling the whole, 'this is my house' point was about to arise so I cut him off. "Dad, please. Can't we just talk about all this tomorrow, after school?" He sighed, and I noticed he was looking older and slightly grayer around the edges. My heart gave a painful twist but he smiled and stood up and walked over to me. He kissed my forehead and told me to,

"Sleep well." And said, "Goodnight," to Jake. Once he made it upstairs I looked at Jake and he shrugged and said,

"Yet again, that didn't go as badly as it could have." I agreed, and grabbed a drink and a bottle of Ranch Dressing out of the refrigerator and sat next to him. He laughed and asked, "Do you put Ranch on everything?"

"Just about." I said, smiling. He shook his head like he didn't get it, but when I was done dumping out a generous amount he did the same thing to his. He took a big bite and seemed to think about it for a minute. "Not bad." he said, and took another bite. I let my left hand rest on his leg as we finished up. Jake cleared his plate in a minute, and I ate almost all of mine and gave him what I didn't finish. After the dishes were rinsed we went upstairs and all I bothered to do was turn on my alarm and slip out of the too-short pajama pants before I slid into the bed with Jake right behind me. My bed had rarely felt so inviting.

Once we were settled in and Jake was pressed fully against me, he put his face in my hair and breathed in deeply for a few minutes.

"Thank you, Bella, for standing up for us. It does mean a lot." I smiled to myself and said,

"No problem." I waited for a second then asked, "So what went down with Sam?" He huffed and said,

"I don't want to talk about it right now. We have tomorrow. Okay?" He asked, like he was making sure that was fine with me.

"Of course. I love you, Jacob." I yawned again his arm tighten around me.

"I love you, too. Now go to sleep." I was already half way there.

A/N: I want to thank everyone who leaves wonderful reviews full of awesome feedback! You guys rock, and are the only reason I keep posting. But the reason I named the chapter Karma was because I really do believe that what goes around comes around, and all of our actions will eventually catch up to us. Just felt like sharing! (And you know you wanna earn some good karma points in your favor by leaving me a review.) ;-D


	40. Chapter 40: No More Tears

Chapter 40: No More Tears

I could see him. His face, blank from emotion, staring down at me with dead, bright red eyes. I had to get away. Running so fast the trees blurred but still, there he was, watching me, ever present. Eventually there was no more room to run, and I found myself looking down at the sea. I could feel him closing in, going in for the kill. I knew what I had to do, or I would not make it out of here with my life. I tried to run again, but my movements were slow and took so much energy. I launched myself into the air and I felt free, like I had won some sick contest and my prize was that I got to live. Then his freezing arm caught me around the middle and brought me down to him. I heard him whisper in my ear,

"_You can never escape me..." _

I shook my head. No. This is not supposed to be happening. I fought it.

It felt like I had just fallen asleep when I was suddenly awake, gasping and fighting the arms that were holding me down. I tired to wrench myself loose but then I heard Jake.

"Bella, shh. It's okay, it's me. It was just a dream." Once I realized he was right, and I felt the warmth flowing off of him, I went limp and let him scoop me up as the tears came.

Why hadn't I expected this? How could I have an encounter like that with Edward and not have nightmares afterward? I wondered if it would ever stop. Would my life always be plagued with those images? When could I move on, for good? I buried my face into Jake's chest and bawled. I heard him talking, saying something, as he stroked my hair.

"No sadness, Bella. Remember? No more tears." I nodded and tried to tell him I knew, but I wasn't coherent yet. I put my arms around his middle and hugged him close. I forced my self to take deep breathes and finally after a minute or so I had calmed down. I pulled myself off of him and saw that I had smeared tears all over his chest. I looked at him apologetically but he gave me a half smile while be brushed my hair back for me. I sat up and snagged the box of tissues off of my night stand and handed him one while I wiped my eyes and nose. I tired to avoid looking at him but he sat up beside me and tentatively rubbed my back.

"I'm sorry I woke you up..." I mumbled.

"I wasn't asleep yet. And stop apologizing." I didn't say anything, because I almost wanted to apologize for apologizing. "Do you want to talk about it?" He asked quietly, and this time I finally faced him.

"Like you said, it was just a dream." He nodded, but I could tell he felt a little hurt. I tried to change the subject. "Why weren't you sleeping?" He sighed and said,

"I've got a lot on my mind. And I had a feeling you'd need me." I turned and climbed into his lap like I was a child and I hugged his neck tightly.

"Thank you, Jake. I don't know what I would do without you." His hands caressed and soothed me, and I asked, "Do you need to talk?" But he shook his head.

"You're upset, I just want to make it better." I felt my heart squeeze with emotion and my throat constrict, but I told myself, '_No more tears!' _I focused on Jake.

"This is making it better. Being with you, just being _near _you, is all I ever need. But you give me so much more..." I met his eyes, and what I saw cut off my train of thought. I was reminded slightly of what his eyes had looked like only a few hours ago, when we were in the bath tub. They had been burning, and fierce. And while right now they were still on fire, they seemed to smolder down into a fiery glow, softened by the look of pure vulnerability and openness. The love that was unmistakably there seemed to feed the flames dancing around the edges. I moved around so that my legs were at his sides, straddling him so that my face could be level with his. "Jake, I can tell something really big is going on with you right now, and as much as you've done for me over the past few months, I think we can stop talking about me and focus on you for once." I cupped his face and made sure he believed me. "You can tell me." He smiled and said,

"I will tell you, but tomorrow. You really do need to sleep." I sighed, because I could tell what it looked like when he made up his mind.

"You know I love you, right?" I asked.

"Yes." I didn't give him a chance to say anything else. Even though I didn't want to look away from him, I wanted to kiss him even more. My hands wrapped into his beautiful long hair and I brought it forward so I could rub it against my neck and face. I wasn't sure if his erection had been there the whole time or not, but now that I was aware of it, I had only one thing in mind. And it was not sleep.

I kissed him until he tired to back away, and I let him. "Bella..." He sounded winded. "Okay, you need to lay down." It only took a second for me to grab the hem of his favorite childhood t-shirt and bring it over my head. Jake just moaned. I was so thankful that his shirt was already off, and I plastered my chest to his, wanting to feel his skin on mine. I let my hands explore as much of him as I could reach, while I kissed his neck and jaw line and cheeks. It had been awhile since he had shaved and I was surprised at how thick and long it was already. I had never found myself to be attracted to any facial hair at all until now, when I felt it on Jake. This man could make anything look good. The rough scratchiness of it made me want to purr. "If you don't stop, I won't be able to." He whispered in a deep voice.

"I don't want to stop, I want to make love to you. I want to touch you and feel you, right now. Is that okay?" I asked quietly, even though I could tell he liked everything I was doing. I nibbled on his ear lobe and pulled it into my mouth so his response was slightly breathless.

"Oh, God, yes." I smiled a little to myself, amazed I could effect him so. He started attacking my neck with his mouth and his hands gripped my hips tightly and ground me down on him. I fumbled with the button on his shorts and when it finally popped I lifted myself up so he could pull them off. My underwear was still in the way, but before I could remove myself from him so I could take them off, Jake's hands came up to the sides and pulled the fabric, ripping it apart, and jerked them off of my body. A heat wave washed over me, surging with love and lust in equal proportions.

"This is just us, Bella. Just me and you." I cocked my head to the side, trying to understand his words. I knew this meant something, but I couldn't figure it out. But the look in his eyes reminded me that I was getting my turn to love him. We could talk tomorrow, because we will always have tomorrow.

I gave him a second to position himself before I centered my self and caught him at my opening. I was leaning over on my right leg with my left foot propping me up so I could raise my hips high enough to reach the tip of him. I barely let him slip in when I heard him whimper slightly, and I opened my eyes, not remembering having closed them. Jake was watching me with heavy lidded eyes, while his hands rested on my hips. I watched his face carefully as I let myself slid down slowly. I could feel him splitting me apart, and when he bumped into my cervix, I was finally seated on top of him with him sheathed inside, as far as he could go. As I lowered my leg, I told him,

"A perfect fit." He licked his lips and I rolled my hips forward, and before he could reply his eyes had rolled into the back of his head and his mouth sagged open. After a few moments of that, I leaned back and braced my hands on his thighs and shoved my body forward faster then what I had been doing before, and this time he moaned my name. His head was lolling from side to side but this was a little straining and I could feel my energy depleting so I wrapped myself close to him again, and he grabbed my waist and plunged himself forward, bouncing me up so that I came down right when he pushed up. If all the breath hadn't been knocked out of my lungs, I would have woken Charlie. Thankfully, I was quiet.

"You're so warm, Bella. And so _tight, _it feels like I'm being strangled." He was whispering the words, but they were fueling my own raging fire within. I was so caught up watching him, trying to make sure he was being pleasured, my own orgasm suddenly erupted and shook my body like an earthquake. I slumped forward onto Jake's chest while he continued to drive himself up into me. I had to bite his shoulder to muffle my moans. Jake wasn't giving me time to stop clenching, he kept at me so I added my own movements and within moments another was crashing over me. I ground down with my hips and threw my head back, letting out a _whoosh _of air, then I felt Jake shudder. He latched onto my right breast and I hugged his head to my chest as his momentum began to slow and his body jerked with every release. I kept my hips moving, and I trembled as the last ounce of pleasure was absorbed within. Once Jake was finished, he pulled me forward and kissed my lips passionately.

I could feel our combined juices running down and pooling on Jake's chest. Despite our sticky state I was so tired that I could have easily let myself fall back to sleep right then, but then I noticed something. Jake's flesh was still buried deep inside, and even though I was absolutely sure he had just finished, he was getting hard again. I quietly cleared my throat and said,

"Jake?" He let out a low,

"Mmmm?" So I wiggled my hips and pointed out,

"It's still there." I watched a smile break across his face and he opened his eyes and looked at me.

"I know." He didn't seemed bothered by it at all. I shook my head and asked,

"Is this normal?" He shrugged and said,

"I don't know, what's 'normal' for a guy my age?"

"I don't know either, you are the only guy I've ever been with." I matched his smile, and I kept moving my hips while I talked. "Is this some sort of wolf side effect? Like you size..." I said as I rubbed his muscles appreciatively.

"Yeah, I guess so. Or it could just be a side effect from being around you." He said, and he pushed up a little. "But I think you are right, it's probably connected with the whole wolf thing. Along with quick healing, warmth, stamina, and speed..." My leg muscles were so tired but it felt too good to stop.

"I guess that makes me one lucky girl." I said with a smile, but Jake said,

"No, I'm the lucky one. You really don't mind this?" He emphasized by taking control and pumping my hips a little quicker. I was slightly breathless when I replied,

"No, I love this! You are so amazing. I never knew something could feel so good." Jake lifted us up and laid me down on my back, with my head at the foot of the bed. I relaxed as he let some of his weight rest on me while he kept rocking his hips.

"I can make you feel better then good. I can make you pass out from sexual exhaustion, if you want. I could go all night." I let him see my evil grin.

"Oh, really? Prove it then. We will see what comes first, my passing out, or daybreak."

"You do remember you have an exam tomorrow, right? We don't need to make any bets right now."

"I can pass my history exam with no problem, I'm not worried about that right now." I wrapped my legs around him and said, "But, if you don't want to, we can try this some other time." I could tell by the glint in his eye that he heard my challenge.

"Alright, what are the terms?"

"I win at sunrise, if I am still awake. I'll reserve the right to decide what I get if that happens." He nodded and said,

"And I win if you fall asleep before then. But I already know what I want." I raised an eyebrow. "And I've already got it." He didn't need to say anything else after that, he just showed me the way to physical nirvana.

Over the next however long, for I had no concept for time, Jake made love to me. I wondered if maybe he wanted me to win, because the pace he was setting was deliberate but slow, building me up higher and higher without ever stopping, but not quite sending me over the edge. Every push of hips and every brush from his lips sent jolts of electricity through me. I held onto his shoulders until he pulled back into an upright position and lifted my hips until they were at the right angle. My hands went above my head, braced against the foot board to keep my body secured down into his thrusts as much as possible. He began to get more intense, and while he was giving me more, he was still holding back, like he was waiting to see how long he could draw this out. I brought my feet up to rest on his chest, and he wrapped his hands under my bottom, bringing me up some more then he slammed down into me and I arched into him while I had to cover my mouth with both hands to keep myself muffled. I could feel the tightening in my lower body, and I knew I was close. Every single pleasure point was being attended to. I forced myself to concentrate so I could make this last as long as possible.

I locked eyes with him and he looked ferocious, and I shivered, but managed to hold it together. I was straining to last, to not give in, and it seemed he had figured out what I was trying to do, and he took no mercy. His gaze harden and he had determination written all over his face. He plunged in forcefully, plundering my body with his. My eyes rolled up and I couldn't see anything anymore, and now I was so close I wanted him to finish it, to shatter me apart, to take me over. As if he could somehow read my thoughts, he finally did. He took his thumb and flicked it repeatedly over my clit and then I saw a white nothingness punctuated with black spots exploding behind my eyelids. Jake, he didn't stop, he didn't let up, if anything, he hit me harder. My body was twitching, and I was sure I looked like I was having an epileptic fit, but it was the most intensely powerful and most wonderful thing I had ever felt. Since I had been waiting so long to let everything out, it seemed to take over my brain, leaving me trapped inside my own head, screaming my thanks to him, as he rode me down, easing me back into awareness. I was gasping for air. I heard a slight chuckle from Jake and my eyes flew open, and he stopped. He looked a little surprised at first, then smiled wickedly, just like I had earlier.

"You want some more?" My throat was scratchy and my mouth was dry from my heavy panting, but I managed to say,

"Yes, please!"

"Oh, you are so about to get it..." I could hear the promising threat in his words and my body almost sang. There was no preamble this time, we just got right back to the great stuff. He shoved my legs up to my chest and leaned over me, using his weight to his advantage and driving into me with more power. I hoped the meaty sound of our flesh smacking together wouldn't disturb Charlie, though it probably only sounded so loud in my ears. I wasn't aware that I had slipped into another orgasm until I was in the midst of it, but Jake seemed to be perfectly in tune with my body, and timed everything just right, so that I came and came, and even as I shuddered and shook, he prolonged every sensation until the last possible second. Once I flopped my limbs back on the mattress, Jake said,

"Nope, we aren't done yet." He eased himself out and pulled me up by my arms. He flipped me over, and where I found the strength to hold myself up, I do not know, but he had no trouble sliding himself back inside my swollen center, and all I could do was whimper. I knew that this was his favorite position, and it was quickly becoming mine, also. He gradually got faster, and I was so sensitive, it barely took anything to send me arching again, trying to get more, always more. My arms gave way, but Jake didn't let me slump forward onto the bed. He brought me back to him, and sat back on his knees. I had my head thrown over his shoulder and I tired to quiet my breathing. He was still moving, and dimly I was aware that he was still going strong. As I relaxed into him, he played with my breasts and licked my ear. I could feel the evidence of my pleasure seeping out, coating my thighs from front to back. I had assumed Jake was going to go easy on me for a moment, but he suddenly bounced me in his lap and I gasped right when his hand wrapped around me and found that one special place and rubbed it in circles while I forced myself down on him. This time I forgot to keep quiet and I let out a drawn out "oohhhh" while I bucked yet again and felt like I might break apart when each wave washed over me.

Once it was over Jake stilled and I collapsed into him again. "Still awake?" He breathed in my ear, and I gave a short reply.

"Barely." He put a hand on my tummy and one at my back and pushed me forward so that I was resting on the bed with my butt pointing up into the air at him. He stayed buried inside as he took his finger and trailed it over my crevice, smearing our liquids around.

"How many times have you came?" He asked, and sounded a little pleased with himself.

"A lot." I said, and that was as accurate as I could be, because I could hardly think right now, let alone count. He continued to touch me, and I let my eyes drift shut, thinking only of how good it felt.

"Can I try something?" I was half asleep, but still aware of him, so I agreed with a mumbled,

"Mm hum." He picked back up a steady rhythm and I sighed, content to just be able to feel him. He took the tip of his finger and traced the moisture around, and I didn't think anything of it until I felt his hand still, and an odd pressure start building right at my fundament. My eyes flew open. He wouldn't... He wasn't going to... No, he wouldn't.... Through the pleasure of his thrusting, I felt the aching invasion at the back. I tensed against it and tried to sit up, but Jake said,

"Shh, relax." He took hold of my hips and built me up and up, but didn't let me go overboard yet. Maybe he somehow knew this was going to be all I could handle, and was determined to get as much out of it as he could. I felt his finger again, and even though I was scared of what he was going to do, he was keeping me distracted with the pleasure. I closed my eyes again and I tired to relax like he told me too, but it was nerve wracking. I felt him push in a little, and I groaned from the uncomfortableness of it. His other hand surprised me when it reached around and found that special button that he was an expert at pushing. My head shook to the side, and I knew if he'd only give me a few more moments, I would be breaking apart. He let his finger slide in some more and I let out an unladylike grunt as it seemed to pass the painful part and even though it still felt like something wrong, the bomb that had been ticking finally exploded and I stared unseeingly as I thrashed my head. There were so many sensations, too many things to keep up with, and I lost control. My whole body convulsed and I felt like I was peeing with pleasure. I heard Jake moan and say, "Bella," and when I realized he had finished also, a smile broke across my face before I fell over the edge of oblivion. It would be awhile before I came back to myself. I felt him withdraw, and we both laid down together. Right before my eyes closed for good I looked at the window and saw the faint light filtering through the window and I smiled again and said,

"I won." For a moment, I thought he had fallen asleep before I had, but then I felt him take a breath and he said,

"Me too." Then I passed out.

I didn't even hear my alarm in the morning. Jake shook me and said,

"Wake up, Bella. School." I rolled over on top of him and said,

"Nooo..." He rubbed my back and I let myself fall back to sleep. I don't know how long he let me lay there, but I felt him sit up and move off the bed. I was thankful my room was so close to the bathroom, considering Jake had just walked us through the hallway naked, just a few feet from where Charlie slept. His body heat was keeping off the morning chill, and I wanted more then anything to close my eyes again. But now that I was in a room with a bright light, I couldn't sleep anymore so I lifted my head off of Jake's chest. He sat me down and I fixed the water since he couldn't really feel the temperature while he caressed me from behind. He was already hard.

Once we were behind the shower curtain I let the hot water wake me up the rest of the way, then quickly started going through my routine. Jake tired to distract me, but I said, "Hey, if I can't sleep, you can't get any." He put a hand over his heart and made a breathy _gasp! _Sound, but was just joking. I smiled at him and he helped by washing my body while I rinsed out my hair. When I was done we switched and I tried to help, but he told me to get ready and not to worry about him. I brushed my teeth and had just finished with my hair when he turned off the water and then stepped out. We both tiptoed to my room and I asked as we got dressed,

"Are you going to stay here?" He shrugged and said,

"I don't know, I kinda need to go talk to my Dad..." I nodded and said,

"Well, how can I find you when I get out? Now I don't even have a phone..."

"Listen, you don't have to worry about it, I'll find you. If you haven't heard from me, just come back here." I agreed. We were downstairs and halfway through our cereal when Charlie made it down. I told him I lost my phone so he wouldn't try to get in touch with me on it and told myself I really needed to get us all one so we could talk easier. He kept everything tight lipped, and I knew he was just biding his time. I sighed when I thought of the 'talk' to come. I took my history book with me when Jake walked me out to truck, and he got in to make it look like I was taking him home. Once we were stopped at the end of my road he leaned over and kissed me deeply before sliding out and saying,

"Have a good day. Love you." I watched as he walked across the street and before he disappeared into the trees I said,

"I love you!" and he turned back and waved once more. I stayed there for a few minutes, thinking of him, before I finally drove myself to school.

The looks today were just as bad, if not worse, then they had been yesterday. I had a stare down with Jessica. She looked away first. Mike looked like he was about to say something, so I quickly hid behind my hair and dipped into the classroom.

The seconds crawled by. The test was easy, and I rushed my way through it without even worrying too much over my answers. Once I turned it in, I felt worse though, since I now had nothing to distract me. I toyed with my pencil, wishing the mind numbing boring would end. There were so many other things I could be doing right now! I was scribbling onto a piece of paper, wondering how Jake managed to make such beautiful drawings. I couldn't even draw in a straight line... I tired just to see. Nope, all wobbly. I sighed heavily. I laid my head down on my arms, to block out the florescent lights; They were giving me a headache. The next thing I knew, I was jerking awake, gasping slightly. I looked around and saw that I had caused a few people in my vicinity turn and look, and I quickly swallowed, trying to get it together.

What was I thinking? I can't fall asleep here... Oh, God, what if I had talked? I glanced around surreptitiously, but no one was paying any attention. I breathed a little easier in relief, and I allowed my eyes to wonder and they locked onto one pair that were still looking at me. I purposefully kept my eyes down for the rest of class.

When we were finally dismissed I walked quickly to the library and turned in my book, then walked right into Mike.

"Bella." He said my name like it was a greeting.

"Mike." I raised my eyebrow at him.

"What's been going on with you?" he asked, getting to the point. What did he expect me to say?

_'Oh, you know, running around with werewolves, being stalked by psycho, bloodthirsty vampires, the usual.' _I laughed on the inside, and said,

"Nothing, really. Why do you ask?"

"I'm just concerned, and if you need someone to help, you know I will." I narrowed my eyes at him and realized he already had made an assumption of what was wrong, and I wondered how far off he really was.

"What do you think I would need help with?"

"Anything in general." He was being vague, so I nodded,

"Well, I am fine. Thanks anyway, though." I made to walk away, but he took hold of my arm. It was such a light, normal touch that it almost didn't register, I just noticed when I was held back. I looked at his hand and then at him, and easily tugged my arm away. He started to say something, but stuttered, and I put my hand up, "It's okay, Mike, really. I know things can seem... Strange, at times, but you really shouldn't worry about it. I promise you, everything is just fine." I smiled at him, and he sort of shook his head, like he was in a daze, and mumbled,

"You are so _weird _sometimes." I smiled even bigger and said,

"I know, I don't get along well with humans at all." He looked dumbfounded and it was kind of cute.

As I turned to leave, I wondered what he must be thinking as he watched me walk away. After graduation, I might not ever see him again, and if I did, what would I say? This could be the last impression I left him with... I was walking to my truck, lost in thought, digging in my bag for my keys. Once I finally snagged them, I looked up and saw Jake leaning against my driver side door.

He was gorgeous. Delicious. I licked my lips as I raked my eyes over him. He was holding a flower, something wild, from a field or perhaps... A meadow... It was pink in the center and white at the tips, and just the one flower was a wide bloom. He gestured to me with it, and as I walked forward to him in my own daze, I realized I didn't give a damn what Mike Newton thought of me, or Jessica, or Lauren. I was standing in front of Jake, and I had eyes only for him.

"Hey." I breathed, and he grinned, making my knees weak, so I leaned into him a little. He ran his hand through my hair, brushing and tucking it back behind my right ear. I saw that the stem was short, and when he slid it in my hair it stayed securely in place. I was doing good to keep breathing. I stood up on the tips of my toes, wanting to kiss him, but I came up short. Jake helped me and lifted me up by my arms up higher, and held me there. My hands embraced him just like my lips and I pressed against him, trying to feel as much as I could. He kissed me sensually, and I was so caught up in him that I would not have stopped if he hadn't lowered me down, letting me slip away slowly. I could tell he didn't want to stop either.

"Want to get out of here?" He asked in a gravely voice, and I nodded. I handed him the keys and he opened the door for me, and I slid in first. It started right up, thankfully, and I was reminded of something Jake had said last night.

"You didn't really mean that, about me getting a new vehicle, did you?" He looked over at me briefly, then made a point to look both ways before pulling out onto the road and driving off.

"This junker is ancient, Bella, I think it's time is about to run out." I said,

"No! Don't say that, he will hear you!" Jake looked over at me and laughed,

"I don't think 'he' could hear me over the sound of it's own engine. Why do you like this thing so much, anyways?" I remembered having to defend my truck before and I said,

"He has character. And, don't laugh!" I said, smacking his arm playfully. "I don't know, it's kind of like a part of me. You can keep it running a little longer, can't you?" He smiled at me, then sighed dramatically.

"I guess I'll have to... But it's gonna cost you." I looked over and smiled right back.

"I'm sure we can take it out in trade."

"Stop teasing, I'm driving!" He chastised, but he was laughing, and so was I. I hugged his arm and a yawn caught me off guard, so I couldn't hide it. I did feel rather tired.

"Almost there." He said.

"I love you, my little mind reader." He chuckled,

"Little?" I whacked him again.

"Stop teasing, yourself!" I snuggled back up to him, and soon we were back at Charlie's.

It was barely Eleven o'clock, but after we made it back inside and up the stairs, all I wanted to do was sleep. I walked over to the mirror, and smiled at my reflection, and I was surprised to see it really smiling back. I took the flower out of my hair and sniffed it. I saw Jake in the reflection, watching me, and he looked pleased. I looked away for a second then laid it down on my dresser. That's when I noticed something out of place. A CD case, pictures between that and a thin folder containing airline tickets. My breath caught in my throat, because I had thought those things were gone forever. I looked at Jake and his face had darkened, and he said,

"You didn't know where that was, did you?" I gaped at him, at a loss for words. I managed to shake my head, and I looked back down at them, like they might disappear. Jake answered my unspoken questions. "I found it the night you left, when I finished the carpet for Charlie. I would have completely missed it if I hadn't been paying attention to the floor, and I wondered why you would have put those things there. But when I mentioned it to you, about fixing the floorboard, you didn't react, like you didn't know what I meant." He stopped, and I found myself talking. I was just looking at myself in the mirror now, but I was talking to Jake.

"When he left... He told me it would be like he never existed. He stole my pictures, and the gifts I'd gotten from his family for my birthday. Except for the radio, which you saw what I did to that. I thought he just threw them away..." Jake had walked a little closer, and he said quietly,

"But it was still here this whole time." I was sure we both knew what he meant, and I nodded, then covered my mouth and sobbed. He reached for me, and I turned to face him.

"I'm so sorry, Jake. You deserve better then damaged goods. Even though I don't want to feel this way, I don't want to be so messed up, and I don't want to cause you any pain! I wish I was better, for you." I had to stop rambling so I could breathe. I blinked away my tears, reminding myself not to cry.

_Don't cry... Don't Cry... _

"Bella, it's okay. I will love you no matter how 'messed up' you think you are. And I can fix just about anything, so you don't have to stress anymore. You will see, things will only get better from here." I stepped closer and said,

"Promise me. Promise me that it will be us, forever." He picked me up and walked me to the bed. He laid us down and I huddled close to him.

"I promise you, we have forever." I wanted to talk, to get all this out, but exhaustion took over, and as my eyes drifted shut all I could get out was,

"Jake..." I could feel myself floating away.

* * *

A/N: Hope you liked it! Upon re-reading, I noticed there was not a lot of progress, but I've been busy, and this took it out of me. I wanted to stop here, because I thought a new chapter was better then none at all! Reviews to make me happy, please?


	41. Chapter 41: Pinky Swear

Chapter 41: Pinky Swear

My eyes snapped open. I didn't understand what had woken me at first, until I heard echoing footsteps that made their way closer and closer. When they stopped, everything seemed eerily quiet so I looked towards the doorway, and there stood Charlie, still in his uniform. I tried to sit up but Jake was latched on around my middle and was keeping me down. I shook his arm, and he didn't budge. Charlies' voice cut through my room, and Jake finally snapped to full attention.

"Sorry to butt in. Can I have a word?" He didn't wait for a response, he just stalked right back downstairs. Jake and I looked at each other, then made our way down without a word, also. I sighed, because I knew this was coming. We found Charlie in the kitchen, and he was pacing. He seemed really agitated, more so then he should be. Before I could get a word out, Charlie said, "Jacob, I want to talk to my daughter." Jake nodded his head and started toward the back door but I said,

"Jake, stop." I took his hand and tried to pull him over to me as I spoke to Charlie. "Dad, Jake isn't going anywhere. But we can talk." My voice still sounded sleepy and I looked at the clock, and realized what time it was. I couldn't believe I had slept all day; It was already getting dark. It seemed like Charlie made the exact same connection in his mind at the same time I did.

"You've been in bed all day?" He was eying us suspiciously and I suppressed my groan while he ranted, "Maybe if you weren't keeping her out all hours of the night, she wouldn't look dead on her feet!" As soon as I registered those words were directed to Jake, all trace of drowsiness left me. I stepped in front of Jake, and even though he was towering behind me, with his huge intimidating form, I felt like I had to protect him.

"Don't yell at him! Jake has done _nothing _wrong! Even you can see he is the reason I make it through each day as a _living_ person!" Charlie seemed to wince a little so I took a breath and tried to make sure my voice was even. Jake said,

"Bella, I think you need to sit down and have a talk with your Dad." I heard what he meant, so faced him and seized his arms.

"Don't. Don't leave." He hugged me briefly and tried to pull away as he said,

"I won't be far." But I shook my head,

"No! Please!" I gasped and I wondered why I was panicking like this, but all I knew was that I didn't want to let him go. "Stay with me. You _promised._" I actually didn't remember if he had promised me that he would not leave my side at all, even for a little bit, but I had to try everything. Jake's eyes were pained and I felt guilt rip through my chest for manipulating him, but his eyes flickered over to Charlie who was just watching us. I looked over at him, and then back to Jake because I was on the verge of tears. "Don't go." I barely whispered, wanting only him to hear. I watched his resolve crumble and he stopped trying to pull away. Charlie broke the silence,

"So do you plan on spending every single second together? Is that it?" I blinked quickly then faced him again, already relaxed a little since I knew Jake was staying.

"That is exactly what I plan on doing. Why shouldn't we? After graduation, what reason could there be for us to be separate?"

"I understand you want to be together, but to the point to where I can't even talk to you? Just you?" I felt myself getting worked up again,

"What does it matter as long as I am here, and you can talk to me? Jake isn't even saying anything!" Charlie shoved his hand through his thinning hair with enough force to pull some out. He shouldered off his jacket and hooked it on the peg where it belonged, then opened the refrigerator and grabbed a beer. After he chugged half of it, I finally asked, "What are you so mad about anyways?" I could see now that he was frustrated about a lot of things, and I tried to sound calm. "What happened?" He sighed, and reached into his pocket. He sat my cell phone on the table. My eyes were fixed on it as I heard Charlie say,

"Edward Cullen came to see me today." He watched me very carefully. "He said you 'left this behind.' I think I'm ready to hear some explanations." I was shocked, but I tried to make my face look smooth and blank.

"What is there to explain? I talked with Edward, heard what he had to say, then I went back to Jake. I was upset, he made it better, then we came back here." There, the cliff notes version didn't sound too bad.

"And you don't care that he and his family are back in town?"

"No." And I could look impassive about this, because I had known they were back for a lot longer then he did.

"Then what is going on with you? Even though you are somewhat better, you still look like a strong gust of wind could blow you to pieces at any second!" His blatant but accurate description cut me to the bone.

"I know! But I am making progress... I'm... Trying..." My voice broke. I leaned back into Jake and he wrapped me in his arms. Charlie seemed to harden a little, and I tried to brace myself.

"Bella, this dependency thing is not healthy. I think maybe some time apart..." He began, but I cut him off.

"Don't even go there! I'm old enough to make my own decisions, now. I know what I need."

"And as you father, do I not know what you need? Just because you are of age doesn't mean you shouldn't take what I have to say into consideration." He was speaking normally, but I could tell he was upset. I tired to make him understand.

"I do! After we had that talk about what I planned to do after school I talked about it with Jake. I take to heart everything you say, Dad, I promise. But there are somethings... There is a lot you can't understand, because you just don't know. And that is my fault, not yours..." He interrupted my babbling.

"What do I not know? Tell me so I can understand." I looked up at Jake and his face was a mask, I couldn't read anything on it. Charlie said, "You are in trouble, aren't you?" I snapped my eyes back to him. I couldn't tell him the truth, because it wasn't my place to tell. And I couldn't endanger him further... But how could I lie and get him to believe me?

"Dad... You know I'm a danger magnet. I am always in some kind of trouble. But I have Jake, and he keeps me safe from myself." I smiled, and I could tell by the feel of my face it was a _real _smile. Charlies' face softened and I took a step closer to him, but I didn't want to let go of Jake's hand, so I didn't go any further. "Please, don't worry."

"Bells, we've been here. I always will, no matter what. And I still think you should slow this down, give your self time..." I stopped him.

"But you aren't listening. I'm going to be with Jake, Dad. And if you try to stop me then I will move out before graduation instead of after." His head snapped up and he said,

"What do you mean, after graduation? I thought the date was set for the Third of July? Stay until then." He was telling me to stay, but it sounded more like he was begging. I finally broke contact with Jake and walked over and hugged my dad.

"Fine. But I am going to move out eventually, okay?"He squeezed me a little and said,

"As long as you still come around, I think I could handle it." He patted me on my head then walked over to Jake. He clapped him on the shoulder and said,

"I couldn't have let go of her to anyone else, Jacob. Welcome to the family."

"Thanks, really. That means a lot." Charlie started to walk away, he seemed to have gone beyond depleting his store of energy, and grabbed another beer. Before he could make it to the living room, Jake stopped him.

"Well, while we are all here, there was something I wanted ask you." Charlie stopped and looked at Jake, but he looked at me. He said, "The tickets." And it all clicked into place. I blinked and cleared my throat, trying not to miss a beat, and said,

"Well, for my birthday... Edwards parents gave me some plane tickets to Florida..." I began, but Charlie said,

"I know, Dr. Cullen called and asked if that would be okay, and I said yes, of course, but I assumed you never got them. Have you been saving them this whole time?"

"No, um... I just recently got them." Jake thankfully took over from there.

"And I was just talking to Bella about how I wanted to meet her Mom, before the wedding, you know. I think that a few days after graduation, we should go down there, and when we come back Bella will be staying here, of course." Charlie pushed his hand through his hair again, and I could almost hear the gears in his head turning. After a few seconds he cleared his throat and said,

"Your Mom would love that. I guess I'll call and tell her the news." I rushed over to him and kissed his cheek.

"Thanks, Dad. I do love you." He mumbled and walked into the living room. I faced Jake and saw he was watching my closely. I waited to hear the sounds from the T.V. But they never came. I snagged my phone off the table and started up the steps to my room. Jake was right behind me. I checked my phone but the battery had died so I plugged it up. Jake was still watching me, but I wasn't saying anything. Finally, he said,

"I hope you aren't mad about me springing Florida on you... But I wanted to get it out of the way..." I shook my head,

"No, it was a good idea, I'm glad you mentioned it. I can't wait for you to meet my mom!" An excited flush went through me, followed by a little bit of trepidation. My Mom was rather against young marriages, and I was sure I was going to get an ear full as soon as she got me alone, but as I watched a true smile creep across Jake's face, I decided I would put up with just about anything as long as I could see him smile like that. But while I was admiring his smile, I saw it falter and begin to fade. He shook his head, like he was trying to rid himself of a thought and walked over to sit on my bed. I was sanding by the nightstand, so all I had to do was take a small step to stand in front of him.

He wasn't looking at me, so I reached down and brought his face up to mine, and while I had been wondering what he had been thinking, I suddenly realized it when he met my eyes. His midnight globes were haunted. Even though he was right here with me, I knew he was so far away. And I knew he was in pain. And I felt his pain, as if it was my own. Tears sprung into my eyes and my face fell. I scalded myself mentally for ever worrying about what my Mom might try to lecture me on. I still had one, and that is what counts. But Jake... I took a shuddering breath...

"I'm... So sorry." He smiled and pulled me down on the bed with him.

"What?" He was trying to play it off, and I wondered if maybe he didn't want to talk about this, but a part of me, (the female part) Couldn't let it go.

"I saw that, Jake. I know you can read me like an open book, but I can read you too." I said with a little laugh. "And you know, it is technically 'tomorrow.'" I said, hinting that I was ready for our talk. He shrugged and he started rubbing my leg in a way that felt really good as he said,

"It's nothing, really." My eye brows scrunched together in frustration and I asked,

"Why do you do that?"

"What?" He retorted again. His hand was so large and warm... He was just not helping! I kept my voice calm as I said,

"That. What you are doing right now. You are trying to brush this off, like it doesn't mean anything, but I know it does, Jacob. You are trying to rub me and distract me so that I'll stop asking you questions, but I don't want to drop this, I want to talk. _Please._" I begged. He dropped the act somewhat, but was still being stubborn.

"Well, what do you want to talk about?" I could be as persistent as I needed to be, so I said,

"A minute ago we were smiling at each other, then you remembered something, and it hurt you. And when I looked in your eyes, and I saw what it was, my heart broke for you. I think we should talk about that."

"Have you forgotten that I have my own talk to look forward to? One where I get to ask all the questions? Why can't we have that talk?" Even though it wasn't an argument, I could see his defenses raising, so I played along. I would give him whatever he wanted as long as we got to work all this out in the end.

"Fine with me. Ask me whatever you want." I tucked my hair behind my ears and sat up a little straighter, and told him, "I promise to be absolutely and no doubt painfully honest with you." He looked at me for a minute before he finally said,

"You are just going to let me turn the tables on you like that?"

"Does this began your questioning? Well, anyways, it doesn't matter who gets to have their 'talk' first, I will have my turn next. Don't worry, I won't forget." There, that honesty was easy. He half laughed, but he seemed to relax some. He took a breath and asked,

"Are you sure about this marriage thing?" I groaned.

"Jake, not this again! I've already told you..."

"No, listen, it's just that I have been thinking about it, and it really isn't a big deal. I mean, we don't have to be married to live together. Everyone keeps telling us to give it some time, and what could it hurt?" I blinked.

"Wow." I was surprised that my voice sounded so steady when my hands were suddenly shaking. "You have given this a lot of thought." He noted the change in me even though I was trying to hide it. His hand reached for mine but I clasped them together to hold them still. "So I guess you are the one having the second thoughts..." I said and let out a small laugh. He began,

"No, Bella..." But I asked,

"Do you not want to marry me?" I inhaled sharply and realized I had not been breathing. Jake took hold of my arms and said,

"Of course I want to marry you! Why else would I have asked and damn near talked you into it? I guess I just wanted to give you a way out if you really didn't want to do this, because I feel like I am pushing you into doing something you really don't want to do."

"I wouldn't have said 'yes' if I really didn't want to! And all I've been trying to do since you asked me... Before then really, since Edward has been back, all I have been trying to do is convince you that you are who I want to be with... And it still isn't enough, you think... You think I don't love you." Jake blurted out,

"No, I'm just afraid that you love him more!" Then he spun away with a muttered curse. I raked my eyes over his body but he wasn't shaking or showing any signs of being close to phasing, so I touched his shoulder. Even though he hadn't asked, I decided to answer him as if he had.

"Jake, I do not love him more then you. For a long time... A long, dark time, he was the only thing I could see. So all of my love and feelings and attachments went to him. But when he was gone... I couldn't breathe... And I felt so _dead..." _I looked up and was glad that he was looking at me, so he would hopefully see all the truth that was in my words. "But that was before you... You came blazing back into my life, and you re-lit the fire that I thought had died out for good. You were like my flashlight and blanket that kept away the bad at night... Like a knight on a white horse, or maybe something slightly furrier..." I smiled, but was trying to be serious. "But you distracted me, made me open my eyes. You showed me a world that wasn't bathed in darkness, but filled with light, and laughter. You picked up my pieces and made me back into Bella. Not quite the same one as before, but it's your Bella, nonetheless. And when I saw that you could love me, despite everything that was wrong with me... I knew that I would be safe as long as I was with you." I tired to get back to my point. "For a lot of the time... I loved you both equally." He eyes widened, but I continued, "I know it sounds preposterous. How can you love two people? It's either one, or the other. You can't have your cake, and eat it to. But that is when I realized _I _was two different people. One part of me, the old part, still longed for Edward... But the newer part, the healthier, better part... All she wanted was you. And I have never wanted something rational. But once I did, I became aware. Aware of the fact that you were the best thing for me, and aware that you had already won me over, in spite of me." His body was facing mine again, and one of his hands reached up to play with the ends of my hair.

"What about the old part?" He pressed. I said,

"I threw her out to sea." He made a noncommittal noise in response, and I said, "I love you the most, Jacob. And don't you ever scare me into thinking you don't want to be with me." His hands were cupping my face and he said between broken kisses,

"I love... You Bella. Always... Want you..." I smiled as much as I could while returning his kisses and when he pressed his lips to my forehead I asked,

"Does this mean I have finally convinced you?" He nodded and I hugged myself to him as tightly as I could. "Do you have more questions?" I wondered aloud, and he said,

"Some. But after that, they don't really seem to matter." I sat up and looked at him,

"But I want to give you your talk. Just ask me, please." He sighed, and I waited.

"Well, there was one thing I've always wondered about..." I nodded, and hoped it wasn't going to be too bad. "Remember when I was 'sick?' And you came to my house? What was going on, then." I took a deep breath and began telling him about that day... And the one before... About how hard it was for me to go without him.

"I just ended up on your porch, because I didn't know where to go... I just wanted to find you." He nodded and asked,

"And did you really not know who Sam was?" I squinted at him a little and said,

"No, I had never met him before." Jake shook his head.

"You might not remember, but... He knew you. He was the one who carried you out of the forest that day..." I gasped. It was weird that someone I didn't know had seen me in such a weak state... But then when I remembered that he had seen everything that Jake had, well, it wasn't really the worst thing.

"Wow, I didn't know... I guess I owe him a thank you." Jacob scoffed, and said,

"After everything he put us through, I'd say you don't owe him anything." That reminded me about last night.

"What happened with him, anyway? At your Dad's?" He shrugged.

"Same bull as always. Sam, wanting to be the one in control of everyone else and their lives... He was mad at me, mainly, for disappearing for as long as I had, and not checking in. He was really pissed that I had crossed onto 'their' land..." He stopped, and I asked,

"Is that it?" He shook his head 'no' and continued,

"Nah, that wasn't the big deal... But, do you remember what I told you about my great grandfather?" I said,

"Yes! I do remember... His name started with an 'E'..." I was trying to remember anything to show him I have been paying attention to him.

"Yeah, Ephraim... Well, he was sorta the last 'chief' we had, so since I am his descendent, it kinda makes me... Special." I smiled,

"What, are you like a prince?" He rolled his eyes but his smile touched his face again and I sighed and melted.

"No, nothing like that." He said dismissively with a wave of his huge hand. "Think of it more like... An Alpha. The Leader." I was shocked and he was watching me closely so I bucked up. If I could handle vampires and werewolves, I could handle anything.

"So you are the Alpha?" I asked for clarification, because I knew that he wasn't... Hence; The sex ban. He shook his head, then covered his face with his hands and said,

"No, I'm not. Sam is. He changed first, he was the one who led us, told us what to do..." He stopped and his hands dropped into his lap, and he spoke to them. "I didn't want to be. I never planned to be... I didn't even want this... I definitely didn't want to be so _good _at it. Because that is the worst part. How can I make a better wolf then a man?" I reached forward and grabbed his hands, willing him to look at me.

"Jake, you are the one in control of the wolf, not the other way around. You are such a good wolf because of how great a man you really are. And I am so proud of you, I feel so safe, knowing I have you to protect me." He met my eyes. "I need you, Jake, I need this side of you. Don't ever doubt your manly-ness." I tired to joke, and one side of his mouth turned up but then went back down. I prompted him to continue. "So, that night..."

"Basically Sam was laying down more laws. More restrictions. I told him to shove it, pretty much, because I wasn't having it. I'm not leaving your side, and no one can make me." He said defiantly, and I nodded. "So I phased and refused again, but Sam wasn't listening, so I just... Snapped. It was like my mind broke free from his 'power' over me... And he couldn't stop me, even though he tired. After that, we booked it out of there and when I thought about what I had just done, I was starting to get a little worried..."

"Starting to?"

"Yeah, well, when I realized that no one else was going to be peaking in on us, other then..." He skipped right over that. "It kinda made up for any other scruples."

"Scruples?" I mocked. "What exactly does this mean? You being an Alpha?"

"From what I have figured out, I'm pretty much on my own. Sam is still the Alpha of the others, and then there is me. My own solo pack." He shrugged his shoulders like it didn't bother him.

"But, Jake, there is a reason wolf's run in packs. I've watched the Discovery Channel enough to know that."

"Oh, really? Well, I must have missed the episode about the mutated teenagers running around the Olympic Peninsula!" He was getting a little angry. "This is a little different then that, Bella."

"Okay, I'm sorry... bad analogy. But, back to what you were saying, why doesn't this concern you?"

"Because now, I get to make the decisions. I can do what ever I want." He was calm now.

"And what exactly, is that?" He finally smiled a little,

"To spend every single second together, with you." I couldn't not smile at that. "It's me and you now. No turning back." I nodded and agreed, then said,

"You can't get rid of me, now, Jake. We are stuck together. Till the end." I shuddered a little inside when I thought about getting older, but if I was with Jake, I wouldn't mind much. He kissed me, but before I could get swept away into his embrace I pulled back. "Promise. To never leave. Promise you will out live me. Promise..." Before I could think of any other way to phrase the same promise, Jake pressed his lips into mine, effectively shutting me up. He leaned away just a little and breathed against my lips. I kept my eyes closed as I listened to his words,

"I promise I won't ever, ever leave you." I sobbed and even though I was wondering why I had to be such a female and cry at every little thing, I was so grateful that when I heard him say it, I knew it was true. Jake Promised.

I suddenly had a mental flashback. I was young. Maybe Six. I remembered sitting outside, playing in the mud with a scrawny little boy, making mud pies while the twins watched us with disgusted looks on their faces. We laughed at them when then started looking in their mirrors and Jacob stuck out his dirt covered pinky and said to me,

"_Friends. Pinky Swear." _I grinned and made my first and only one ever...

"_Pinky Swear." _And I hooked my little finger around his and squeezed. I recalled an innocence in his eyes... And when I looked into his eyes now, I couldn't see it. I raised my hand and held my little finger out, pointing at him, and I whispered,

"Pinky Swear." I thought I saw recognition flit across his face, then he held out his much larger one and wrapped it around mine.

"Pinky Swear." He repeated. We both smiled, then he hugged me tightly. I loved it.

"Are you happy you got to have your talk?" He asked.

"Yes. But there was still one other thing..." But he started rubbing my back and I decided he had already been through enough as it was. "But it can wait. So what are we going to do tonight?"

"I don't care, don't you have your last exam tomorrow?" He asked.

"Yes, Thank God. But I don't want to think about Chemistry right now..." I said as I trailed my fingers across his arms.

"How about we not test Charlies' patience. Catching us coming out of a shower is one thing, but getting caught in bed together is not on my list of things I want to do." I giggled.

"Well then, what is on your list? You've taken out all of the fun options on mine." He swatted my behind.

"You know, we used to have fun all the time before this became our main attraction." I agreed,

"Yeah, but that was before." I let my hand work it's way up from his knee to his thigh. I could practically see the tightening of his muscles.

"Bella..." He warned.

"What, I'm not doing anything." I feigned innocence as my fingers skipped right over his crotch and trailed their way around his torso.

"Don't try to seduce me." He said, but without a lot of conviction. I gave up my pretense and grasped him through his pants and couldn't hold back the laugh that escaped.

"What do you mean, try?" He was already throbbing, but he shook his head.

"Not fair, I'm a guy, we are very easily stimulated. Both visually..." His eyes raked over me and I felt myself getting hotter. "And mentally." He licked his lips and I wondered it was just for effect because it put me on simmer. "As well as physically." He finished.

"Oh, I see. And which of your senses caused this stimulation? Just out of curiosity." He smiled.

"All three. And then some." I moaned with pleasure when he put his lips against mine. "You have no idea how much you effect me." He said as his lips slipped down to love on my neck.

"You have no idea how good that feels." I said breathlessly, and begged him with my hands not to stop by pulling him in closer and touching every part of him that I could. He teased me some more, then said,

"Too bad this is all you are going to get." I gasped and quickly wrapped my hands in his hair.

"Don't even think of not finishing what you started."

"I didn't start this..." He pointed out and I felt his teeth graze over me and I shivered. Then he pulled back quickly and said, "See, what did I tell you? Here comes Charlie." He hopped up and sat in my computer chair and hunched over a little, with his elbows on his knees, I guess to try and hide his erection. I remembered just in time to not look all sex dazed and blinked back in awareness right when I heard the two sharp raps at the door, then it opened without waiting for a response. Charlies' eyes scanned the room, and his face relaxed some when he saw we weren't sitting on the bed together.

"Yeah, Dad?" I asked casually.

"I uh, called your Mom. She is real excited about seeing you. You need to call and work out the finer details, but she said she can't wait to meet Jacob." he said with a nod at Jake.

"Thanks, I'll call her soon." He nodded and ran his hand through his hair again as he walked out, and I felt bad for the stress I was causing him, despite the fact he left the door wide open. Once he was back downstairs I said,

"I think I like this whole 'super hearing' thing you have going on. Comes in handy."

"Yep." He said. I walked over and stood in front of him. I ran my fingers through his hair, and I asked sweetly,

"What would you like to do now?" He smiled and said,

"Honestly, I'm starving!" We laughed, and I realized I was hungry also.

"Ha, okay, come on. I shall feed you." He stood, and I took his hand and turned to leave, but he stopped me and I walked willingly into his arms. His lips touched mine, and my eyes drifted shut. He tapped a finger on the tip of my nose and I looked up at him.

"Love you." He said, and I smiled.

"Love you more."

* * *

A/N: Sorry, had to stop it there! Today is my daughters (Zoey) First birthday, and any of you who have kids know exactly how busy I have been. If I didn't post now, I don't know when I would have had the chance. That, plus New Moon distracted me and I was all "Eeee'ing" over that. I actually liked the movie, I thought they were a lot nicer to Jake then SM ever was. But please review! I love hearing what you think! Now, I have to go and wipe off all the icing that's on my keyboard. ;-D OH! P.S. A shout out to my wonderful husband, who not only loves me despite my insane addiction to writing this, but actually helps! He is my inspiration in more ways then one, and he helped un-block me twice with this chapter alone. I love you sweetie, and when ever you get around to reading my story, (and not just the juicy parts,) I hope this makes you smile!


	42. Chapter 42: Jake Loves Izzy

Chapter 42: Jake Loves Izzy

I decided to suck up big time and make Charlies' favorite Beef Stroganoff. Men are easy to placate; Just feed them and they will usually forget about everything else. And I could always count on Charlie to make things easy.

Jake helped me in the kitchen, and I enjoyed his company. He didn't hover, he participated and made things easier. The meal was quick and easy, and we managed to keep our hands to ourselves most of the time. I sat him to work chopping an onion while I cooked the meat, and before I knew it I was done.

"The noodles need to sit and thicken for a minute." Jake mumbled an affirmation then pressed himself into me from behind. I melted like ice cream in the palm of his hand when I felt his lips grazing over my neck.

"Stop teasing. Charlie is close."

"I can't help it... You are irresistible."

"Well you are going to have to resist at least until after dinner. Besides, you need to eat, you know you will need your strength." He laughed and said,

"Don't worry, I have enough strength to give you what you want." His lips trailed along my neck again; I almost shivered. My hands held onto his arms as I relished in the warmth and safety of being wrapped up in him. Charlies' voice made me jump.

"Am I interrupting anything? I'm kinda hungry, you know." I cleared my throat and walked around Jake as his arms fell to his sides.

"Everything is done, I'll get you a plate." I said, acting like nothing had happened despite the heat in my cheeks. I wasn't bothered that he had walked in on us like that, I just didn't want to bring any attention to that side of our relationship, especially where Charlie was concerned. I dished some out for Charlie and Jake and sat their plates down in front of them. When I came back with the bread and my own plate they were already steadily working their way through the food, pausing only to grab a roll. I smiled to myself and took a bite, watching over my men, and feeling pleased with myself.

That's with I felt it. His hand. On my leg. It was sweltering, right where his palm touched me, and exactly where his fingers wrapped around me, but no where else. Still though, it made my whole body hot. I took another bite and glanced at Jake out of my peripheral and saw he was still munching along as if nothing was going on. His hand moved more to the center and he squeezed my inner thigh. I had to force myself to swallow. Charlie was attacking his plate and seemingly inattentive, but I wasn't convinced. I tried to move my leg away slightly but when I moved he just slid his hand up higher. I hadn't meant to help him! I could feel the sweat beading on my forehead. I could feel my body reacting in ways that only Jake had ever caused, and once quick peek at him told me he knew... He was grinning. He took a chunk out of a roll to hide it. As if to try and further my humiliation, (For I had never planned to being this aroused within a foots radius of my dad,) But Jake started _talking _to him. Something about Henry. I continued to eat, but my mind was not on my food anymore. I wondered if I would be pushing Charlie too far if Jake and I slipped out of the house for a bit? I sighed out loud and wished for Charlie to stop talking about how he liked Henry's freshest batch of fish fry and hurry back to the T.V. I briefly wondered why I never saw any of this 'fish fry,' but I had other things on my mind.

Jake's hand stayed in place, wiggling now and then, as if I needed reminding. I decided to fight back. On the pretense of scooting forward in my chair I slid myself forward, grinding myself on his hand as much as possible. Jake's fork clattered on his plate and he took a swig of his drink to cover it up. Now I was the one grinning into my roll. I was in a good mood after that and chatted normally with Charlie.

When Jake finally took his hand back he turned to me with his plate cleaned off and he said,

"Thank you. That was really good, Bella, you are a great cook."

"Thanks." I smiled and continued to eat. Charlie cleared his throat and said,

"Thanks, Bells. I'm really going to miss your cooking when you are gone." I rolled my eyes.

"I'm not going to let you starve. And it's not like I won't be close by. It's just La Push. Be thankful I'm not running off to some faraway college. I'll still be here Dad." I thought, with a little pain, that he should be thankful also that Edward had left. If not, I would be on my way to becoming one of them, and he would really lose me forever. I shoved it all down and away from my mind, determined not to think about. It was neither here nor there. Jake started the dishes before I was finished so I hurried to get done so I could help him. Charlie eventually drifted back to the T.V and I began drying and putting away the plates.

I elbowed him once we were alone.

"What?" He smiled devilishly.

"Just couldn't resist, could you?" He shook his head and I smacked him with my towel. He flung some water and suds at me but I deflected most of it. After I stopped laughing I asked, "So what are we going to do now? After all that..." I took a deep breath and shook my head to clear it. Jake smiled and took a deep breath of his own and said,

"Yeah, I know what you mean. But... What to do?" he nodded in the direction of the living room. I walked closer to him and said,

"You know, we do have a place of our own. We can go disappear for a little while again. I just want to be with you." As soon as I put it into words, I knew it was what I wanted, what I needed, more then anything.

"I want to, but we shouldn't run off right now. Your Dad likes it that you are here." I breathed out heavily and even though I knew he was right, I didn't want to hear it. I did not want to be told no. I gave him a challenging look and said,

"Fine then. We will just have to keep it quiet. Come on." I placed the last now dry plate in the cabinet and closed it, then grabbed a beer out of the refrigerator, then walked away from him.

I heard Jake say, "Huh?" But I kept walking.

"Well, Dad, I have my last exam tomorrow, so I need to go study. Let me know if you need anything." I sat it down next to him and he looked up,

"Thanks, honey. Which exam?"

"Chemistry." Which was not a lie. I had to force myself not to smile when I thought about which definition of Chemistry I was actually referring to. "See you later." I walked upstairs with Jake right on my heels. Once my door was shut I grabbed my book and notebook and sat at my desk. I cleared off enough space and had to dig around my bad to find a pen. Once I located my study guide I was all sat and started going over the questions that I already knew the answers to. Jake, who was sitting on the bed, said,

"So, you _are _going to study?" I looked over at him for a moment and said,

"What did you think I meant?" I had to turn away so he wouldn't see me smile. I said, "Why don't you play some music, make your self comfy. This might take awhile." That was true, I didn't actually know how long I was going to have to wait and I busied myself again. I felt Jake standing behind me before I felt his hands touching me.

"There isn't anything else you wanted to do?" He asked as his hands worked my shoulders.

"Don't try to butter me up again Jake, I need to concentrate. Just go relax." He sighed and said,

"Alright." And flipped on the radio to a classic rock station before sitting on the bed. I glanced over my shoulder to see him picking up my much abused copy of Pride and Prejudice which I had on my nightstand. I took note of the time and started flipping through my pages impatiently. Thankfully I did not have to wait long. I never heard a creak of a board, just the sudden sharp _TapTap_ that is Charlies' knock, then the door was open. I raised my head and nodded at him, then turned back to my book. If he was surprised to find us in such an innocent setting he never showed it. Charlie spoke to Jake,

"There's a game on, want to come down and watch it?" I almost freaked. I did NOT want Jake getting sucked down there with Charlie, then I would never get him back and now we were so close! I wished there was some way I could tell him to say no, like maybe if we had ESP or something... I heard Jake say,

"Nah, I'll stay up here and keep Bella company." I sighed in relief as Charlie backed out of the room and went downstairs. I wondered if maybe Jake could read my mind? Then I dismissed that thought when it threatened to lead to other unwelcome thoughts.

I focused instead on the fact that now Charlie had taken a look to see if we were being good or not, he should hopefully not bother us again for awhile. I faced Jake and he was reading the last page I had marked. I walked to him and he put it down when I saw me coming.

It was effortless, the way I slipped into his arms, alining my body next to his. I was about to explain but Jake whispered,

"Now that _that _is out of the way, shall we?" I said,

"Yes, please." And the blaze I had been ignoring finally burst forth and consumed me as his lips consumed mine. I could spend all day living in this one second, when the only thing that existed in the world was us. I was blown away by his kiss and I let him take me over. His skin is like hardened bronze, pressing irreversibly into my ivory soft skin. My mind was dimly aware of his hands brushing over me through my clothes, but it was not enough so I began to take his shirt off so we would be one step closer. I worked my hands to his chest...

Then I heard the phone ringing downstairs. I groaned, then asked, "Can you hear who it is?" He nodded and we waited as it rang again. I hoped it wasn't for me, I did not want to be interrupted. After the third ring I didn't hear anything else, and after a second Jake's demeanor changed and he felt tense. My eyes searched his for answers but all he said was, "It's for you." Soon I heard Charlie calling up the stairs so I stood and picked up my phone and said, "Got it!" Jake was sitting on the side of the bed, looking angry. I lifted the phone to my ear and said carefully,

"Hello?"

"Bella! Thank God! Why haven't you called me, didn't you get any of my messages, I have been trying to get in touch with you for hours!" Alice spoke so fast I almost missed some of it.

"What's wrong?" I felt a rush of panic wash over me. I thought of Victoria and Newborn vampires... Things had been quite for so long. Was the storm here? Before I could form any terrible images in my head she said,

"It's Edward." She paused and I waited for her to tell me. "He's leaving." I felt a little pang but I said,

"Okay?" Not sure what she was trying to get at. Maybe there was more?

"Bella, I need you to stop him! Tell him to stay!"

"Why would I do that?" I asked honestly. I had no power over him, and no right to ask him for anything.

"Because he is my brother! My family has been torn apart for months now and I thought we would finally be together, but he is leaving! Again! And he won't stop. He won't listen to anyone but you." I tried to hold in my laugh,

"Alice, he does not listen to me! I am the last person he listens to. I can't do anything about it once he makes up his mind." We all knew that was the truth.

"He is leaving because you asked him to! I know you have every right to hate him, to hate all of us, but please, for nothing else, do it for me. Please." I shook my head and covered my eyes with my hand.

"What do you want me to do?" I heard Jake leap up and I looked up at him, but he didn't say anything. I heard Alice say,

"Just call him or something, his number is in your cell. Tell him you don't want him to go." Jake reached for the phone and took it away from me.

"Listen," He spoke roughly into the phone, "Bella doesn't care if the bloodsucker leaves or not. One less running around here, the better." I could hear Alice saying something and Jake was getting madder so I jerked the phone back. He cupped my face in his hands very gently despite the rage that I could see flowing through him.

"Bella, let this go. It has nothing to do with you. Lets go back to bed, just hang up the phone." I was still clutching it to my chest between us and I said quietly,

"I have to do this. For Alice." He let out a muffled roar and dropped his hands from me and stormed out of the room. I followed and watched from the top step as he walked into the living room and breathed a sigh of relief when he didn't leave. I walked back to my room and when I put the phone back up to my ear it was dead. I debated letting it go, and asking Jake to get back up here so he could make sweet love to me, but I remembered the pleading tone in Alice's voice, and as mad as I was at Edward, I couldn't ever hurt Alice. I turned on my cell phone and saw I had a bunch of messages, but I skipped by them and went to my contacts. I wondered if it was Alice or Edward who had programmed his number into my phone, and I had to steady my hands before I hit send.

It only rang once, then I heard his voice.

"Bella." My eyes fluttered shut. How could he make my name sound so beautiful yet so painful to say at the same time? "How did you get this number?" I forced my voice to work.

"Alice. She called me. She said you are leaving. Again." I stopped.

"Yes." He said softly, "I think it is for the best."

"How could you think that? You should be with your family." I said truthfully.

"I am not worried about them. I'm thinking of you. It will be easier this way. Plus, I have something to take care of." I felt my stomach drop.

"Victoria." I stated, because I knew already.

"I never should have left that loose end open, and I apologize for any inconvenience it has caused you." He sounded detached.

"No, Edward, you can't. Leave Victoria alone. Stay away from her. Stay here, where it is safe."

"Bella, it is not safe here, especially for you. But I can fix that."

"I don't want you to. I want you to stay." I stopped. I knew Jake had heard. I waited and Edward said,

"I don't think you do." He whispered. "There is nothing left for me here, Bella. I can't stay."

"I'm here. Does that mean anything?" I half laughed when I realized that his answer actually meant something to me.

"Of course. It means everything."

"Okay then. That, along with your family being here, are two reasons you should stay." I was trying to win him over with logic.

"But there is nothing good between us." He pointed out.

"I offered you my friendship, I'm sorry if that isn't good enough for you." I tried not to sound wounded, but I failed.

"I could only cause you trouble if I stayed." He admitted, and he sounded like he really believed it.

"Well, that would my problem, wouldn't it?" I was starting to get frustrated. I was tried of having all these emotionally draining 'talks' back to back, it was beginning to take it's toll. "Will you just stop this?"

"I'm trying, Bella. I don't want to hurt you anymore, I promise."

"Then stop! Stop thinking solely of your self. I thought you said you would do anything I wanted?" There was a pause, and I was afraid he was about to go back on the promise too, but he said,

"Yes, I did." He took a moment. "I would consider not leaving Forks if..." I licked my lips,

"If what?"

"f I knew there was still a place for me, in your life. Even as a... Friend... I would feel more compelled to stay."

"Fine. Just make sure you talk to Alice, she is really upset. Now I have to go."

"Will you call me? Soon?" I looked around my room, wondering how in the world I kept getting my self into these messes.

"As soon as I have time. Is that good enough?" I couldn't keep the bite out of my voice.

"Yes."

"Alright. Bye." I hit end and threw it away from me, not caring where it landed. I was still trying to wrap my head around this when Jake walked back into the room. His eyes didn't meet mine as he walked over to my desk chair.

"So." He said, and he sounded as hurt and pissed as I knew should. "Friends? What the hell does that mean?" I shook my head and threw my hands up.

"I do not know." I shoved my hair back.

"Well that answer isn't good enough, Bella. Why can't you just let that..." He paused. "Out of your life?"

"I didn't want this! I didn't ask for it to happen."

"No, but you didn't do anything to stop it either. God..." He shot up and started pacing. "I have willingly sacrificed everything for you, and would do it again. I've never asked you for anything..." I cut in,

"I know! And I've tried to make it up, to make it worth it, for you." He took one step and was in front of me.

"Bella, you are the most important thing in the world. Anything that brought us closer was wroth it. Don't you agree?" I nodded. His hands came to my shoulders and he carefully held on. "Then lets keep it that way."

"We are. This... Friendship, it won't change anything between us." He let me go and said,

"I don't think so. How could it not change things? What do you think he really means when he asks for your 'friendship?'" My temper got the better of me and I hissed,

"I don't know, why don't you tell me what it means?"

"Well, it doesn't mean he wants to do brunch and go shopping! He wants time with you, so he can work his way into your pants. He's playing a game and he's got nothing but time, and until you tell him to leave and never come back, he will always be driving a wedge between us!"

"Well don't let him! I'm not. There is no wedge, there is no space between us." I physically pushed myself against him and he hardened, but not the way I wanted. He pulled back enough so that we weren't touching. "I thought you understood that I have chosen you, that you are who I want to be with. If you would accept that then this wouldn't seem like such a big deal to you."

"No, it's a big deal to me no matter what. Why can't you do this for me? Is it too much to ask for us to just be happy?"

"Of course not! I just don't see why this is getting to you so much. Why are you so upset?" I reached for him but he shrugged me off. Something cold settled in the pit of my stomach, and I knew that Jake wasn't just mad, but he was mad at me. And I wasn't doing anything to make it better. "Jake..." I whispered, but he turned away and said,

"I need to get out of here for a little bit. Clear my head. I can't think right now." He walked over to my widow and my heart skipped a beat.

"No! We need to talk and work this out." He shook his head and raised the window easily with one hand. I ran to him and wrapped my fists in his shirt, "Look, we don't have to do it right now, we can calm down first, but please stay." He rubbed his hand over his face and I saw that something seemed to have broken. "I'm sorry, okay, I am so sorry."

"I'll be back later." He said, as he picked me up and walked me over to my bed. He sat me on it and before I could jump back up he was already half out of the window. I stood and watched as he leaped out and by the time I made it to the pane all I could make out was his build as he jogged into the trees. My chest constricted and I felt the air being squeezed out of my lungs. I pressed my forehead into the cool glass and told myself not to panic. After a few minutes, I spun around and surveyed my room, looking for something to take my anger out on. There was nothing. I roughly brushed my hair back for the umpteenth time then I heard it. A little buzzing sound coming from under my bed. I hurried and looked, and found my phone. I answered it without looking.

"What?"

"I'm sorry Bella, are you okay? Did he hurt you?" I knew it was Alice but I didn't understand her question.

"No, he didn't. I hurt him. Why would you think he would hurt me?"

"Well he hasn't left your side for even a second in the past few days and now all of he sudden you pop into my sight, I just had to make sure you are okay."

"Yes, Alice I am okay. As okay as I can possibly be, anyways."

"Tell me whats wrong, I can help." I scoffed.

"You can't help if you are part of the problem." I admitted. It wasn't like she didn't know that much, you didn't have to be a physic to see what was straining mine and Jake's relationship. I started ranting. "I just don't understand why it has to be like this! Why do I have to pick, why is it one or the other? I have enough room in my heart for all of you. Why can't we all be friends? Will this fighting ever end?" I flopped onto my bed and covered my face with my free hand, trying to stop the tears.

"Bella, don't cry. It will all work out, you'll see. It might not seem like it now..." I cut her off.

"Save the optimism until I actually feel like hearing it. I just want to be alone right now, I don't really feel like talking." I really just didn't want her to listen to me cry.

"Okay, but listen, tomorrow, after your last exam, why don't you and Jacob head over here? I have some samples and designs for your wedding that I want you to take a look at, and we can work on getting past all this ancient hostility." I had no idea how I was going to drag Jake there but I said,

"Sure, sounds good. Bye." I let the phone fall away and I covered my face completely and rolled over into my pillow and let it out. I tucked my knees up to my chest and wished for Jake. If he was here... I wouldn't feel like crying. I let my mind drift back to the few peaceful hours we had earlier, and how if only I had just hung up the phone what we could have been doing right now... Instead I am here all alone...

I froze mentally as well as physically. I hadn't heard a sound, but I could feel him here. "Jake." I whispered, then I felt his hand touch my side. I sat up and threw myself at him, and he wrapped me up in his arms. Suddenly my chest loosened and I gasped air into my lungs. I felt a little dizzy, like I had just emerged from under the water as my lungs drank in the air, which was now filled with everything that is Jake. His warmth seemed to dry my tears and they stopped flowing. Everything was okay now. He came back. I felt one of his hands rubbing the back of my neck through my hair which had flown everywhere, across his chest and arms where it mixed with his own long, thick locks of hair. His other arm had me locked to his chest and I had never felt safer, or more peaceful. I could feel my lips curved up into a small smile, inspired only by Jake and I tightened my arms, one wrapped around the shoulder I was clinging to, and the other pulling him by his neck down to me.

"I'm sorry I ran out like that..." Jake tried to begin, but I shushed him.

"Please don't say anything. I'm enjoying this. I just want you to hold me." He didn't say anything, but he gave me exactly what I wanted. He picked me up and without moving away more then necessary, he got us laid down right and he laid at my side. I pulled his arm, trying to shift his body on top of mine. "I want to feel all of you." He shook his head a little,

"No, not _all_." But he rolled his left half onto me and I made it a point to be as close to him as possible. And it felt _so _good, the warmness, pressing in on top of me. His left hand made lazy trails across where ever it could reach, and his right cradled my head. I snuggled in to his warmth and let him see me smile. My heart felt like bursting when I saw him smile too. He leaned forward slowly and kissed my forehead, pressing his full, fevered lips against me. He brought his them down a little lower, grazing the tip of my nose and stopping above my own lips. I leaned up to him and our noses touched and he nuzzled his against mine, side to side. I put my hand on his cheek, which stood out against the mocha color of his skin. My eyes met his and when I took in the intensity in them I shuddered, then thanked God for gracing me with him.

When our lips finally touched every other thought shut down, and I lost myself in him. We didn't need to come up for air, we breathed for each other. Our mouths worked out some of our problems that couldn't be solved with words or anything else. Sometimes his lips pushed into mine fiercely and I let him claim me, let his tongue taste me until he slowed into a deeper kiss, backing up some so I could kiss him back. And I did. I showed him that I felt it to, that burning need to know for _sure _that this was right, and this was what we both wanted. I shoved my passion right back at him and he drank it all up and asked for more without even breaking away to talk. He attacked my bottom lip then traced them with his tongue, before catching it again and pulling away. I kissed him again and suctioned his tongue into my mouth, pulling him back down to the pillow with me, never breaking away.

When we did fall away and lay panting next to each other, I felt more satisfied then I thought I would. I wasn't consumed with the need for more, I was perfectly happy with what I got. We laid is silence while my fingers traced his skin and his played with my hair. After awhile I asked,

"What are you thinking about?" He took a breath, but didn't say anything just yet. After a moment, he said,

"My Mom." I heard the sadness in his voice and I almost regretted saying anything. But he didn't seem to mind and he said, "You know, I haven't let anyone call me 'Jake' since she... Until you." I moved my head so I could see his face and asked,

"Really?" He nodded, and I listened as he spoke quietly about the one thing I didn't know hardly anything about.

"Yeah, I mean, back then, before... I didn't even think about it. It was just a nick name. I pretty much went by it when I was a kid. But... After she died... It felt different. I knew I wouldn't ever hear her call me by that name again, and when I heard it, I thought of her. Whenever someone slipped, I usually corrected them. 'Jacob. My name is Jacob.' I don't know how many times I've said that over the past, what? Almost Eight years? I can't even believe it's been that long..." I took a shuddering breath, and did the math. He was only Nine years old.

"I'm so sorry." I whispered. "I didn't know, if you had told me, I never..." He put his finger over my lips and said,

"I don't mind when you say it. I like it... The way you make it sound." I smiled a little and said,

"Jake." To see if I could hear what he meant, but I didn't hear anything special. "You are sure it doesn't bother you?" He shook his head.

"If someone else does it, yes, but not you. I'm only your Jake." I nodded and kissed his fingertip that had been resting on my chin. Before I could think of anything to say he asked, "Is there some reason you don't like your full name? You always shorten it to 'Bella.'" I shrugged as best as I could while laying down and cuddling.

"My Grandmother and my Dad are the only ones who ever really used it, and my Mom did when she was scolding me," I had to stop so I could smile when I remembered her standing above me with her hands on her hips, and how my full name would come flying out with a sting only a mother could put in it, _'Isabella Marie!' _"But I just always went by 'Bella' growing up." Jake said,

"Mm. I wish I had something to call you, that no one else ever did." I smiled.

"Okay, pick something." He propped his head up on his hand so that he was looking down at me slightly, but still close enough. His free hand rubbed my tummy and he said,

"What about your middle name? Marie." I made a face and stuck out my tongue,

"That was my Grandmothers name, I don't think so." He smiled and said,

"Yeah, well that was the first thing I thought of. What about... Izzy?"

"Oo, like Izzy Stradlin! Yeah, I like that."

"Like who?"

"The other guitarist from Guns and Roses! Slash gets all the attention, but I always liked Izzy, he wrote a lot of their songs." He smiled,

"I never knew you liked Guns and Roses so much." I laughed and said,

"My mom raised me to have great taste in music. So it's Izzy. No one else but you can call me that." He agreed and we sealed it with a kiss. He laid his head on my chest and asked,

"Do you think your mom will like me?" It sounded like this was something he had really been thinking about, and said,

"I'm sure she will. Once she sees how much we love each other, and how good you are to me, I know she will love you. And Phil is great too, I think the two of you will get along. I can't wait to see them!" I could feel my excitement bubbling, and I was looking forward to getting away form Forks for awhile.

We worked out a plan, and decided the Monday after graduation wasn't too soon, and that we could stay the week and fly back that Saturday so I could spend as much time with her as possible. I called my Mom and she was so excited that I almost couldn't get off the phone with her. She really did seem to look forward to meeting Jake, but the whole time she called him my 'boyfriend.' I decided to wait and let her make up her own mind when we made it down there.

"So now I have something to look forward to after graduation." I said, once I finally was off the phone. "Florida, then the wedding!" It reminded me about what Alice asked me earlier and I decided to get it over with now. "Can I ask you for a favor?" He nodded.

"Well, you know Alice wants to plan everything, right? And I don't mind, because I don't know the first thing to do... Well, she wants us to come over tomorrow and look at some samples and stuff and I know how you feel about the Cullen's, but I want you to at least try to get along with them. It would mean so much to me. And Alice has never done anything wrong, she even said she wanted to get past all this stupid hatred."

"What exactly do you want me to do?" He said, pulling a face like he smelled something bad, "I don't know how to be... Nice... To a vampire. They are my mortal enemy."

"Not these vampires. And you can try to be nice, at least. Didn't you say you had a chance to talk to Alice that night..." I stopped, because I was sure he knew when I was talking about.

"Yes, and she was alright but that is not the point. It's just not right. I don't even feel safe about going to a house full of them, even if they are 'vegetarians.'"

"Well then, you should come along so you can protect me lest any of their appetites get the better of them." I meant it as a joke, but Jake seemed to take it seriously.

"Yeah, the way you smell, I wouldn't put it past them." I ignored it and said,

"But we can go? Tomorrow?" He rolled his eyes.

"Yes, but I better get something out of this in return! The way they _reek..._" He shivered a little. I smiled and said,

"I promise, I'll think of something fun to do afterward that will take your mind off things." I kissed him softly and continued, "I can think of something we can do _now _to take our minds off things."

"No, not right now, it's getting late and you really do need to study." I groaned and tried to burrow into his chest but he said, "Come on, I'll help you." I sighed and sat up while he grabbed my book with the study guide and pen in it and came back over to the bed.

"I already know this stuff..." I grumbled.

"Then this isn't going to hurt you." We worked our way through the guide and it was fun and easy, studying with Jake. Though I did start to wonder if I was even retaining any of this, but I wasn't too worried about it. After we were done he handed me the book and showed me what he thought I needed to review and he leaned back, relaxing on his side of my tiny bed.

I tired to force my eyes to read the words and make sense of them, but it was hard. When I had finally had enough and slammed the book I looked over to see Jake doodling on my study guide. He put the pen down when he saw me looking and read what it said;

_Jake Loves Izzy _

It was one of those simple yet perfect things he drew. The letters were spiky and thin, but thicker at the tips. I could never make something look so cool like that, but I wasn't jealous, I was proud. He was talented and sweet and all mine. The book thudded when it hit the floor, but the papers fluttered silently to the floor when I pushed them out of the way so I could get to Jake.

We passed the rest of the night with our arms around the other.


	43. Chapter 43: A Long Day, For Everyone

Chapter 43: A Long Day, For Everyone

Since Jake and I spent the majority of the day in bed, when Charlie came to say goodnight I still was not tired. We kept the music turned down low to background noise as we laid there, both wide awake.

"I can not sleep." I complained to Jake again. He kept trying to lull me into sleeping by petting my head and rubbing me.

"Shh, yes you can, just relax."

"As relaxing as this is, I am still full of energy. Maybe we should do something to wear ourselves out." I hinted.

"Shhhh." I gave in for a moment and laid my head on his chest, right over his heart. I closed my eyes and took in some slow deep breaths and pretended to be asleep. After a few minutes I felt Jake chuckle and I raised my head so I could look up at him.

"What?" I asked. He stopped smiling,

"Oh, I thought you were asleep." I laughed and said again,

"I'm really not tired, I promise." He sighed in exasperation and said,

"Come here..." and pulled me up to his mouth and kissed me. I was so happy that I won, that he was finally giving in to me, that I took over the kiss and practically assaulted him. I was sure he didn't mind. It felt like it had, yet again, been too long since we were together like this, with nothing to stop us. I felt his bare chest beneath my hands and I wanted to be naked and pressed into him as much as humanly possible. As if he was reading my thoughts, I felt his fingers wrapping around the bottom of my shirt and he slowly pealed it off of my body, until I had to break away so he could slid it over my head and off of my out stretched arms. I settled back on top of him and kissed his neck and shoulder while he reached around behind me for the snaps on my bra. They popped then his hands pushed my underwear down as far as he could and I helped by wiggling so that they went down to my knees and I quickly kicked them off without even caring about where they went. I shoved his boxers down as far as I could reach and once he was out of them I straddled him more efficiently. Jake was hard and pulsing, and I was slick with readiness, so I took hold of him and guided him to where I wanted, and as I slid back onto him he removed the dangling bra then clutched my breasts in his huge hands.

Jake was gazing up at me with wonder in his expression and I tingled from my scalp to my toes. I moved my hand from between us and slammed home, and we both grunted in unison. I began to work my hips back and forth and we fell into a perfect rhythm of quite breathing and matched movements. Our bodies knew what to do without our minds having to direct them, so it was easy for me to lose myself in him.

That night, Jake took me and touched me and loved me and did not stop until I was condensed into a whimpering puddle of exhaustion. When I woke to my alarm later that morning, I didn't even remember falling asleep. I hit snooze so I could cuddle up to Jake even if it was just for a few more minutes. His snores were rumbling softly, letting me know he was still sound asleep. I pressed my naked body into his, trying to adsorb as much of his body heat as I could, and not wanting to leave the warmth and safety of this bed. Jake moaned in his sleep and the sound sent my mind reeling back the last time I heard him making a noise like that, and what we had been doing. My arousal was almost instant, as I recalled the different things Jake had done to me just a few hours ago, in this exact same spot. I noticed my hand had reached out to feel his skin, and as I caressed his hard stomach and the 'V' shaped lines pointing down to his manhood I thought I felt him taking in a deep breath. I hoped that he was aware, at least in some part of his sub conscious, that right now I was not only with him, but thinking of him and wanting him, wishing I could feel his hands on me this instant. The feeling of need was too great to ignore, especially when the remedy was, literally, at my fingertips. I swept my hand down, seeing by touch, and grasped him tightly, then my eyes popped open. I looked at his face to see if I had been wrong about him being asleep, but he was clearly not awake. His face was smooth and relaxed, even his mouth was hanging open slightly, and he was breathing in deeply and steadily from his nose... But regardless of all that, he was undeniably hard, and had been before my hand even made it down there.

I felt a sort of flutter in my tummy, something akin to butterflies, but not quite. It was pleasant and it was warm, and made me want to squeal with happiness, but I held that in and focused on what had caused the feeling. Maybe he _did _know. Maybe he really could tell that I wanted something from him. Right then, I just felt so loved. I wiggled down under the sheet that had come to be our blanket and did not waste a second before wrapping my lips around him and sliding as far down as I could. The only reaction I got was an appreciative groan, so I settled in, teasing and pleasuring him.

There is something almost inexplainably satisfying about pleasing the man you love in this way. It wasn't physically pleasurable, truthfully. It was something more. The intimacy, the naughtiness of it, was intoxicating. But when his hand came to wrap itself in my hair, and when I heard him moaning his name for me, it was exhilarating. The sleep induced way he drug it out, "Izz-zzzy" was the sexiest thing I had ever heard, and I expressed my own excited feelings by focusing both of my hands, along with my mouth, on him, and attempted to pay him back for all the wonderful things he did for me. I was so caught up in my task that the alarm clock scared me, but I didn't stop because Jake's hand flew up and silenced it before I could even move. His reaction brought me back to attention and I noticed he was breathing roughly and a sweat had broken out across his skin. When I bobbed my head down on his again I noted the increased thickness of him, and had to come back up quickly so I could breathe. I kept it up and I let my eyes roll up to check on him every few seconds. His eyes were still closed, and he tossed his head now and then. His hand had slid down to my neck but wasn't trying to guide me, just holding on, and I noticed his other was tightly clutching the bed sheet next to him. Right when I began to wonder how close to the edge he was, he suddenly pulled me off of him, and before I could ask what was wrong, I heard him saying urgently,

"Inside you." Then I knew. I had no time to object, nor did I want to, as he lifted me up and planted me in his lap, sitting me right on top of him. He slammed his hips up into mine, holding me in place. My mouth fell open but only soft cries came out. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I realized that I was still sore from our recent activities, but my brain was over come with what I was feeling. I tried to add my own movements, but Jake seemed to change his mind about our position and suddenly flipped me back, and with him now pushing down on top of me, he quickly drove us both to a peak, and I shuddered and gasped as we rode it out. There was no time for sleeping after, however, and after a few moments of kisses I said,

"I have to get ready..." Then I groaned.

"Last day." He breathed against my neck and made me shiver.

"Yeah... Want to take a shower with me?"

"Mm-hum." He was having too much fun with his tongue so wiggled beneath him, trying to get out of the bed, even though it was not what I wanted to do.

We enjoyed our shower, and as soon as we were dressed we went to the kitchen and raided it for food. We both seemed to have worked up an appetite. I made all the eggs I had left in the package, along with bacon and some toasted waffles. When Charlie came down he eyed all the food but didn't make a comment, he just ate his eggs after he fixed some toast. After I finished my orange juice I noticed the time and kissed Jake quickly on the lips before saying 'Bye' to Charlie and hugged him before hurrying out. I was almost out the door when Jake caught up to me and swept me up into a deep kiss which made my head spin. He walked me to my truck and wished me good luck on my exam, and promised to be ready when I got home. I drove away, determined to hurry and get all this over with.

When I parked in my usual space at school, I felt my phone vibrating in my back pocket. I had a pretty good idea who it was, and I answered without looking and said cheerfully,

"Good Morning, Alice." I heard her puff,

"Well, you sure seem to be in a better mood." I smiled,

"Now that you mention it, I am feeling pretty good." She got right to the point and asked,

"Are you coming over after your exam? I really need you to make some choices so I can get everything together in time, unless you want to leave all the decision making up to me." I stopped her,

"No, Jake and I will be there. And remember, _I _have the final say." She huffed again and said,

"Fine! I guess I will just see you later... Whenever you get here." She was sounding a little petulant, which I was sure had to do with her lack of 'sight' when it came to me. I tried to soften her up,

"Look, I'll see you in a little bit, and I promise I will hurry right over there after am done with my test."

"Okay." She did sound slightly happier. "I can't wait!" She added, and I finished the call as I hurried to my Chemistry class to take my last high school exam.

Freedom, here I come.

::Alice POV::

I was minding my own business, trying to pass the time until Bella would arrive, when I heard Edward approaching. I didn't need my sight to know I was in for it. I sighed, ad before he could utter a word I said quietly,

"Don't bother. I already know what you are going to say, and I will do this for her no matter what you say."

"I haven't come to talk you out of this, I just... Came to talk." I turned away from the displays I had been needlessly rearranging and asked without saying anything aloud. (_Yes?)_

I took in his appearance and did not like what I saw, not one bit. He was dirty, for one, and it looked like he needed to change his clothes about a week ago. He cocked an eyebrow, and I let him know what else I thought. _(You look like the walking dead!) _His scowl let me know he was not amused. I tired to get back on point with him.

"You were saying?" After a few moments I got tired of waiting and decided to 'look' and see what he was going to say, but he stopped me. "Come on then, spit it out."

"I asked Bella to be my friend." He stated rather badly, and I prompted with,

"And she said 'Yes,' of course." Yet again, that much was predictable. When it came to Edward, she was just a fool in...

"Don't! Do not even _think _that in my presence. It is obviously not so, or you would be planning _our _wedding, not _theirs._" I couldn't help but feel a little sympathy for him, he was my brother for all intents and purposes. It pained me to see him in such a bad place, but as much as I wished there was something I could do...

"You already did what you could. Only I wouldn't listen. I never should have left her." He whispered.

"Talk about being obvious! Not that I am getting any pleasure out of this, but I told you so. I don't understand why you have to be so stubborn sometimes! It can be really infuriating!" I stopped when I realized I didn't have anything else to say. "Well, now that I've gotten that off my chest, I feel better. Now I have a feeling you are in need of my help?" He shook his head but said,

"I don't know what to do. Friends? Who am I kidding? What good could possibly come of this?" He dropped his head into his hands and I approached him slowly,

"You can be happy with what you get, and that would be good." He didn't respond so I continued. "Please, Edward, don't give up just yet. Maybe this is what you two need, just a chance to move on from the past and start fresh. If you and Bella are meant to be together, it will happen. If not that, then you can be thankful for what you do have." He shrugged, and I continued. "Look, if you want this to work, you are going to have to go about this in a different manner. For example, you are going to have to respect her decision to be with Jacob Black. She won't take kindly to you starting drama, remember that."

"I can control myself, thank you very much. Besides, it's not me you have to worry about it's _him. _He isn't stable, or safe at all."

"I have found him to be quite pleasant in his own way. You need to look at this from Bella's point of view. Rather if you'd like to admit it or not, he is the one that kept her going. She is really attached to him, and cares for him very much. And you know how Bella is, she would never willingly hurt anyone she loves."

"Do you think she really loves him? Or is she just doing this to punish me for what I did to her?"

"Which do you think it is?" He bowed his head.

"Either way, I don't get to have her, so what does it matter?"

"That is where you are wrong, it does matter. But to answer your question, I do think she loves him." I thought back to those early black outs, and how when she popped back into sight how she seemed better... Until she threw her window open and cried... "At least we know he loves her." I said tentatively, wondering if he was going to confirm it or not. He didn't.

"You should be nice to him, give him a chance."

"_Nice? _How do you expect me to be nice to him? The only thing we have in common is our love for the same woman, and I highly doubt that would turn out to be a pleasant conversation."

"Well, it's a start. You need to just put forth a little effort. Will you?" He huffed, but nodded, and I smiled to myself. He was such a softie when it came to Bella, and it was almost cute, in a weird kind of way. I didn't even know he knew how to be soft.

"I am _not _a 'softie.' Please do not use that adjective to describe me again." I had to laugh at that, but then I stopped giving him such a hard time.

I turned around and looked at the three displays I had set up and said out loud, "I wonder which one she will pick?"

"She won't like any of them. That one is too grand, the second too pink, and the last, I think even you know she won't choose a Paris Theme." He said with an eye roll.

"I know... But it's my favorite one! I've never had one like this, I think it would be nice." I said, fingering a sample piece of lace. "Maybe if she doesn't like it I can always plan one for Jazz and I."

I'll just have to wait and find out... I didn't even look at the time, I knew it would dragging by without my clocking it.

I stepped closer to the Pairs theme and sighed... A frosted pink would be lovely...

::Edward POV::

I didn't think anything about Alice's comment until I heard the panicked, _"What!?" _Thought by Jasper, who was now making his way down to us. I began to feel a little sorry for him because as I followed along with her train of thoughts, she was already picking out color schemes. This was the last thing he wanted to go through... Again.

He stopped beside Alice and tired to sound casual. "Come on, Al, I think we've all got enough to be getting a long with a the moment, surely you don't have time to plan _two _weddings?"

"Oh, no, I think I could handle it. Especially considering how low maintenance Bella is, I'm sure it wouldn't be hard."

"What if she likes the Paris one?" He was grasping at straws trying to talk her out of it, and all Jasper could think was, _"Oh, No!" _Because he knew it was too late. She finally faced him and said,

"I know you hate weddings, but it would be fun! We could wait til it snows and have a Winter Wonderland going on, but I'll throw the French touches in with it and it would be unlike any other wedding I've ever done!" Her face was shining with happiness and she snagged his hand and held it close to her chest. "Would you mind terribly? I promise not to go too overboard." He sighed and said,

"If you wish it." Alice smiled even bigger and hugged him tightly while she said,

"Really? We can get married again?"

"Sure, but let Bella have first pick, she hasn't had five weddings already." She gave a musical laugh and kissed him sweetly before rushing off with so much running through her mind it was almost enough to make _my _head hurt. I tried to tune it out and I stepped over to where Jasper stood, looking down at her displays.

"Why do you let her keep putting you through this? I know how much you can't stand it." He gave me a sideways glance then said, quietly,

"I like to make her happy, even if it means doing something I'd rather not." He thought of the crowds of people, being the center of attention, the uncomfortable clothes, and groaned a little, but continued with, "It's a small price to pay to see her so thrilled."

"Even though it makes you miserable." I pointed out.

"I love her, Edward, and it's only one night. I'll endure the same way I always have. Sometimes we have to do things we don't want for the one we love."

I agreed, but was surprised when his thoughts continued to be directed at me, even though he wasn't speaking out loud.

_(I know you'd do the same for her.) _He didn't need to specify who 'her' was, we both knew.

"I wish that was the worst thing I had to go through for her. I wish it had never came to this..." I gestured around me with my hand, then let it drop.

"But, it has. Now you have to do something you don't want to, for the sake of her happiness."

"I can't give up. I'd be forsaking all of _my _happiness."

"Don't give up then, but you are going to have to step back and let her do what she wants. If you don't, you will only drive her further away. Besides, it's not about you, now, is it?"

"No. It's about her. It's all for her." I was certainly a bit in shock at getting advice from Jasper, he seldom let me know his thoughts on things, especially on something this personal. I looked up when he said,

"Exactly." As he walked out of the room, "I'm going to find Alice and let her know I expect a quiet honeymoon after it's all over, so I will have something to look forward to." _(Now get out of my head, I'm about to picture my Wife naked.) _I couldn't help but chuckle a little and did my best to ignore where his thoughts were going.

But in doing that, it left me alone with my own thoughts, which were a lot more uncomfortable to deal with. Bella would be here shortly, with her future _husband _ in tow, and I was going to have to play nice.

I sighed, and decided to use up some time by making myself presentable before she arrived. On the way to the shower I heard the sounds and thoughts of love flowing from Alice and Jasper's bedroom, and it made me feel exceedingly lonely.

They thought I was only wanted to leave because Bella and I are... Over. (I skipped over that detail.) But there was more. As if being surrounded by all the happy couples wasn't enough, I had to hear their thoughts as well. It never bothered me before Bella, I hardly noticed, and when I did I was happy for them. But now, I feel so alienated.

Not to mention Esme's pitiful glances, and Carlisle's unwavering compassion constantly being directed at me.

Though that was not as hard to deal with as Alice's thoughts on the matter. She was very opinionated and, unlike her counterpart, did nothing to keep those opinions as much to herself as possible. And not that I would ever admit this to her, but I actually care what she thinks, for some insane reason.

Rosalie was a different matter completely, since she was the only one in favor with my actions. Not that that made it any easier to hear, though, especially if her and Alice are in the same room. It's like the devil and the angel, one each shoulder. I shook my head to rid myself of their voices.

Emmett was not as passive as I thought he would have been. He felt surprisingly protective over her, which I blamed on the James incident. Once Emmett looks out for someone, he doesn't stop. There is _some _Teddy mixed in with the Bear. He never outright admitted this, but I had the inclination that, had I been anyone else, he would have socked me in the face the day I told the Family of my plan to leave her. Since then it has been awkward, which is something he avoids. We had not been on a hunting trip together since before Bella's birthday, and even though I would still never admit this out loud, I did miss the male companionship.

But, even then, I had to acknowledge that all of that was still not as bad as hearing Jacob's thoughts. That alone could have ran me out of town. Being in his head... It messes with me. Not to mention my slight jealously problems. The thought of his hands being anywhere on her made my jaw snap and my hands curl into fists.

But as they inevitably do, my thoughts led me back to Her. To Bella. The one I loved so much I would do anything for, even let her marry someone else. I still had a flickering of hope, that maybe, somehow, she could be mine again. If I saw the chance, I would not miss it. And I would never let her go again. I was getting ahead of myself though, there were more pressing matters right now. I was going to see her in a few short hours, and I could feel my anticipation building already... I would be able to smell her blood, just the mere memory bought the venom flooding to my mouth... My base instincts betraying my hearts... When all I wanted to do was hold her, safely, in my arms.

All this while listening to _his _thoughts, all about how he gets to do those things and much, much more.

I sighed.

This was going to be a long day. Even for a vampire.

::Bella POV::

When I made it home after school, I was still grinning like an idiot. The fact I was no longer a student was slowly sinking in, and I was feeling pretty awesome about that. I pulled up in my truck and was greeted by a freshly shaven Jake, who jumped in and kissed the breath out of me. When he pulled away he said,

"Lets go get this over with." I gave him a sharp look before I pulled off and said,

"Jake, promise me you will behave today."

"_I _will. Though I don't know if the same can be said about your 'friends.'"

"Well, as long as everyone is nice to you, please be nice back. Remember, these are good vampires." Jake scoffed and I could have sworn I heard him mumble something about an 'oxymoron' but I let it go. I didn't want to agitate him before we even arrived. Once I was back on the road I reached over and grazed his cheek with the back of my fingers.

"You shaved." He rubbed his face and said,

"Yeah, I have to shave more often, now."

"I think you look sexy, even with your scruffy-ness." He chuckled and scooted closer to me, throwing his arm along the seat behind me.

"I think you look sexy when you drive this truck." I glanced over at him, that back at the road.

"What makes you say that?" I questioned, and he shrugged,

"You handle it well. It's kinda hot." He put one hand on my leg, and like a spark it ignited my entire being. I licked my lips and mentioned,

"You know, maybe we could swing back by the house. I think I forgot something." Jake shook his head,

"We are not driving back to your house just so you can have your wicked way with me." I pouted,

"And why not?" But then changed tactics. "How about a quickie in the car, then? I'll take us to the beach, and have my way with you there." I was smiling, but Jake frowned. "What?" I slowed down unconsciously.

"Are you being serious? You want to drive down to a crowded beach, in broad daylight, and have a quickie? I'm sure you would love to explain that to your Dad when we get picked up by the cops." He slid his hand away and I huffed,

"Well, when you put it like that, I can see what you mean." I wanted to mention we had one place we could go, but before I started, Jake asked,

"Is that all you think about when I get near you?" I looked at him in confusion.

"No..."

"You could have fooled me." And just like that, the moment was over. I knew something was wrong, and I had to know. I also knew he was about to say something I didn't want to hear. I could feel it. I didn't say anything, and I turned down the next road I came to. "Where are you going?" he asked, but I made my truck go as fast as it would and when I saw a suitable clearing big enough I pulled onto the side of the road. Jake looked around us, surveying our surroundings, then looked at me. I got right to the point,

"Just tell me what you meant by that, and I swear if you say about 'what,' I will scream." He shook his head, and thankfully we got right into it.

"I just don't understand why you've turned into such a sex manic, lately. That is the only thing you want to do, and I'm starting to feel like it's the only thing I am good for." I tired to interrupt him but he stopped me, "Let me finish! I want to get this out." Then he stopped. I gave him a look and he finally said, "Bella, I think we shouldn't have sex again, until after the wedding." I normally would have said something stupid like 'You're joking' but in the present conversation, I knew exactly how not a joke this was. I didn't say anything, so he finally continued. "Bella, this is not a bad thing, I'm not saying I don't want to be with you," just hearing the words strung together like that stung painfully, "Just that I think we should wait. Until we are married."

"What's with the old fashion values kicking in now? It's a little late for that, don't you think?" He ignored my sarcasm and said,

"I also think that I should start staying at my Dad's at night." I looked at him in horror,

"What?! No!" I splutter on everything I had in my head trying to burst out, then said, "Why?"

"Because, I don't know, I just feel like that is how it's supposed to work, maybe? It's just how I see it in my head; Bringing you to our home on our wedding night, making love for the first time, in awhile, at least. Then we get to live together." I shook my head,

"Okay, I understand the sex ban, but why can't you stay with me at night? I don't want to be without you."

"Exactly. It's like what Charlie said the other day, you are way too dependent. I don't mind, in fact, I love that you depend on me, but not to the point where you can't function if I'm not there. That is not healthy." I nodded solemnly, because I knew he was right. "It's not going to hurt us to wait."

"But... I don't want to wait! I don't want you to pull away from me."

"You aren't listening, you're taking this the wrong way. I. Am. Not. Going. Anywhere. I will still see you, everyday, I will be with you, and I'll kiss you and hold you, and make you happy, but I want to save the best parts, like living together, for when you are my Wife. But I'm not changing my mind about us."

"Lets do it now then. Screw Alice's plans, I don't care about the wedding, I just want to be married to you, we could drive to Vegas and get hitched for all I care, just don't..." He cut me off.

"See, this is what I am talking about. You are so impatient, you aren't even thinking. We can't run off and elope, I'm not Eight Teen. This is exactly the problem I am trying to fix." He brought my face up to his, and when he saw my tears he sighed in exasperation as he wiped them away, "Bella, honey... This isn't going to be for forever, and I think it might help. Don't you trust me?" All I could do was nod and bury my face in his chest, until I realized what I was doing. I was being dependent. I pulled back from him and knocked his hand away when he reached for me. I wiped my own tears and looked at my hands when I said,

"And how long have you been stewing in this?" He shrugged,

"Not long. It's just something I've been thinking about." I nodded and took a breath,

"Jake, I don't think of you as some sort of sex toy and I don't want you to be under the impression that I do. I'm sorry if you don't like how my body reacts to you, I can't help it. I always thought it was a good thing. But it's not the only thing I think about when I am with you."

"I know, I didn't mean to say it like that. And I don't think it's a bad thing that you react to me, I'm glad that you do, but remember what I said the other night? We used to do more then just devour each other in the bed all night long."

"Yeah, I know." I looked over at him, "You really aren't going to have sex with me?" He shook his head, and I tried to bargain. "Alright then, fine, have it your way. But do you have to stay at your Dad's? I'll miss you..."

"Yeah, that is kinda the point. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, remember that." I rolled my eyes, but now that we seemed to have reached a stand still in the conversation I reached to put the truck back in drive, but Jake stopped me. He took my hand and lightly kissed it, before he leaned in and softly kissed my lips.

"I love you, you know that?"

"I know, I love you, too." I said. Jake scooted back to his seat and out of the corner of my eye I saw him adjusting himself and I couldn't help my little smile. He was going to have to suffer just like I was, and if I had anything to say about, there would be no suffering. If I could get him to cave, that is. I wasn't going to give in this easily, no way.

I tired to calm my thoughts as I pulled out and made a U-turn. I still had a lot to get through today, and this was just the icing on the cake. I brought myself back to the present and glanced at Jake, and saw he seemed to be as lost in thought as I had been. I felt bad for him, and responsible, yet again, for all of his problems. I didn't know what to say, so I reached my hand out and laid it on his leg. It caught his attention and he made eye contact with me, and I smiled at him. I thought I saw his face lighten a little, and he nodded back, as if was agreeing with me, that everything was okay.

Jake flipped on the radio and went right for the same classic rock station he had been listening to last night, and the first thing we heard was,

"_Ooooooh Dream Weaver..."_

I looked at Jake again and we simultaneously burst into laughter. His laugh bloomed and filled in the empty space in the cab. My own laugh blended with his, only it rang several octaves higher. Our laughter continued through the song, but I didn't listen to it, I only heard Jake.

The mood was already feeling lighter, and soon I was back on track to The Cullen Mansion and even though I was feeling excited about planning a real wedding (Something I knew nothing of) with Alice, I couldn't fool myself into thinking I wasn't anticipating Edward. I was sure he would be there, after our new found 'friendship' the previous night. But what was he going to do? What was he going to say? And I didn't know who to feel worse for; For Edward, having to hear Jacobs thoughts, or for Jacob, knowing that Edward could read his thoughts.

I hoped they wouldn't fight. I smiled when I realized that was the one thing that Jake always brought out of me. I hoped.

All too soon I was parking in front of the house and I ignored my nerves.

"Here we are." I said unnecessarily. I chanced a look and saw that Jake's nose was scrunched up in obvious distaste, and I said quickly, "Come on, lets get it over with." As we got out, he said,

"I mentioned that earlier and got told to behave myself." I narrowed my eyes at him as he slammed the passenger door shut behind me. He tucked my hand in his, which did help me feel a little better and he asked, "Why are you so nervous? I thought they were harmless little 'play' vampires, or whatever."

"I'm not nervous!" I claimed, and his eye brow shot up in a way that told me he doubted that very much. "I'm excited, you twit! We _are _planning our wedding."

"Yeah, we are." Then he left it at that. Before I made it to the first step he stopped me and placed a deep but soft kiss on my lips, then motioned for me to go ahead of him, and I did so even though I was slightly breathless.

As soon as I knocked once on the door, it flew open and there was Alice. Bouncing, beaming, beautiful, Alice. She was trying to contain herself, but she gave me the impression she was going to explode soon if she didn't let something out. Because of that thought, the smile on my face was relaxed and genuine, and I stepped over the threshold and turned back to Jake.

"Coming?"

"Uh huh." He stepped in stood close to me. I felt him tense when the door clicked shut.

Alice fluttered about, and I paid attention to her, but I was physically attuned with Jake, and I was focusing on him too. I tired to help him feel more comfortable, so I stepped under his right arm and wrapped my left behind him and rubbed him soothingly, side to side. He wrapped his arm around me, pulling me in possessively, and all the while I was exchanging pleasantries with Alice.

"I can't wait for you to see what I have come up with!" She was about to start gushing, and when Jake snorted a little I knew he was thinking he just couldn't wait to leave. I said,

"I know, I can't either, let's go!" She happily led us through the house, and thankfully away from the room with the piano in it, and into their seldom used dinning room. The table was taken over by three huge poster boards, the kind you use for science fair projects, mind you, and I saw a bunch of pink... I was already feeling doubts about her planning and I had only seen them from the back. Alice caught right on,

"Now don't go looking like that, I think you might like some of this, just keep an open mind." I felt a slight breeze, and this time both of us tensed.

"Well, hello, Bella, good to see you." I relaxed when I heard Carlisle, and turned to smile at him. Leave it to him to act as if a human and werewolf hanging around was an every day occurrence.

"You too, Carlisle. You've met Jacob?" I was shocked when he extended his hand to Jake, and even more so when Jake accepted. During the exchange, I looked over his shoulder and saw Edward standing in the doorway. He looked like he was forcing himself to do something, but I put my attention back on Carlisle as he said,

"I was just dropping by to say 'Hello,' I'll leave you all to the planning now." When he left, Edward walked forward.

"Good day, Bella, Jacob." I nodded as I tired to think of something to say.

"You too, um..?" I leaned into Jake for support and he was steady beside me. We somehow made it past all that, mainly thanks to Alice, and then we were seated in front of the displays, and she began rattling off. I forced my self to listen, and she finally caught my attention with the first poster board she was talking about.

"... Seats about One-Fifty inside, unlimited outside, obviously, but it is something to think about in case it rains and it has to be moved in doors."

"Wait, where is this at?" I asked, pointing at the little picture of a huge house, it almost looked like a castle.

"I've never seen anything like that around here." Jake said as if it were a fact.

"It's in Tacoma, actually, and it's merely Sixty Nine point Two miles away!"

"Alice, no way. We aren't driving that far, and why would I need seating for One-Fifty? That is way too much." Her hands flew to her hips and she said,

"Fine, then, what kind of scale are we looking at then?"

"I'm not sure... Small, though. Fifty tops."

"Alright, well since it's going to be small, one of the other two options would be better." She waved her arm at Edward, and he walked forward and folded up the one with castle and I was sure he looked smug as Alice glared at him. "We can have it anywhere, we can rent out a room, or we could do it in a backyard, we just have to pick what I will be decorating with. Do you like either one of these?"

I didn't say anything at first, because my first thought was 'No' but she had put all this effort into this and I couldn't forget that.

"I like... Some things."

"Tell me what you don't like then, and we can go from there."

"Well, I definitely don't want any Eiffel Towers anywhere..." She looked happy about that for some reason. "And the pink is a bit much... But I do like the flowers on this one." I said, pointing to the second one.

"Daisy's and Roses, yes, I thought you would. Modest, yet romantic. Subtle, like elegant. Like you." I smiled and thanked her. Edward appeared with a notebook and a pen a moment later, and then she was writing. "So what colors do you like? Maybe a teal and a purple?" I made a face,

"No, not teal. I do like purple, though. What about purple and white? Like, a soft purple. Or dark, it doesn't matter." I looked at Jake and he just shrugged, so I looked at Alice and shrugged and she looked back down at the paper she was still writing on.

"How do you feel about the lace?" I nodded,

"Lace is good."

"What are your favorite cakes?"

"Cakes?" I questioned, wondering why it was plural.

"Yes, one for the Bride, and one for the groom. Cakes!"

"Red Velvet." I turned to look at Jake, who had officially made his first contribution to the planning. "What? I've always liked Red Velvet, but my Dad hates it, so I never get any."

"Then you are for sure going to get some on your wedding day, if it's the last thing I do." Alice said, "And you, Bella?"

"Umm, I don't know. Just something yummy, you can surprise me."

"Got it. I'm going to need a list of everyone you want to invite, and a list of any songs you might want played. This is for both of you to do, okay?" She said, looking up for a moment as if to show she was serious, before going back to her notes. "Oh, and pick a place, any place, just hurry. The sooner I know, the better. Alright now, that leaves the best part!" She seemed to be waiting for me to say something, but I didn't have a clue, so I waited. She finally said, "The dress!" And I could tell she was really excited about this.

"Oh, yeah." Then I realized I was the one who was going to wear it and I groaned.

"I've got a folder here for you with pictures and some fabric samples, take a look at them and get back to me on that also. Feel free to look on your own too, like online, to see you if find anything that really jumps out at you." I suddenly thought of something,

"Alice, who is paying for all this? I don't think we can really afford anything like this." I said, waving my hand at her displays.

"Oh, you don't have to worry about the money, and if you must know, it's all mine. This is just a project for me Bella, and I have plenty to spend however I want, and I want to do this, so I won't here the word 'money' mentioned again.

"Wow. Uh, are you sure?."

"Yes! I'm sure you'll get my something nice for Christmas." She flashed right on, and it didn't take much longer for me to feel like my brain was going into overload. I felt like I was being assigned homework, even though I thought I had just finished with all of that.

Alice wasn't showing any sign of slowing down, and luckily I was hungry, and it was my growling stomach that saved us in the end. Edward appeared next to Alice and said,

"Okay, I think you've made enough progress for now. Bella really needs to get something to eat." At that, Jake stood and took charge of the situation by saying,

"I can take it from here." He held his hand out to me and I took it with out hesitation. He smiled at me, then said, "Thanks, Alice. I'm sure Bella will talk to you soon."

"Wait! Here... Just... Let... Me..." She was scribbling furiously onto another sheet of paper, then said, "Okay! Here is a list, and here is the notebook," She slung a huge Five inch binder into Jake's free arm, and handed me the paper, which I folded and put in my pocket. "Have a good night, and call me, okay?"

I smiled and nodded and it seemed like she couldn't contain herself any longer and she flew over to me and wrapped her arms lightly around me. I hugged her back, even though Jake didn't want to let go of me, and when I placed both of my hands on her back I felt her stiffen slightly, and then she froze. I wasn't sure what was wrong, and I stayed still, not knowing what to do. She breathed out quickly and I began to feel afraid... Could it be my blood? Oh, God, Jake will try to kill her if something happens! And Edward would be involved, and he would surely get hurt, all because of me, Oh my...

And then she was gone. She was standing next to Edward right as Jake snatched my back into his arms and I could tell he hadn't missed what happened, and one look at Edward had told me the same thing.

"Alice, what...?"

"Oh, it's nothing, sorry, got a bit of a head rush. You do smell good." She tired to joke, and smiled, but as beautiful as it looked, I was sure it was fake. Before I could think on it anymore, Jake said,

"Oookay then. Bella, shall we?"

"Yeah, uh, okay. I'll call you." I said out loud, but I accidentally made eye contact with Edward, and my heart skipped a beat when I realized what I'd said. He didn't say a word though, just nodded his head slightly as we walked by. She followed us to the door and said 'bye' before closing it behind us. Jake had me tucked into his side as he hurried us to the truck. He drove, and I didn't say anything as he drove away. He was constantly checking the mirrors and that combined with Alice's behavior was making me feel uneasy.

I sighed when I looked at the time, noticing it was hardly even Two PM, and this day already felt like it have been going on for a lot longer.

I hoped my headache went away.

::Jake POV::

Bella didn't say anything until we had pulled off the hidden drive and onto the main road and had been driving for awhile.

"Where are we going?" She asked softly, and I realized I had no idea. But then I remembered,

"You're hungry right now, how about the diner?" I was surprised when she easily agreed, since she rarely ever eats anything she didn't cook. My Dad and I pretty much live off diner food, that and what Sue and Emily send over, so I was fine with it.

Thankfully the lunch rush had died down somewhat, so we were able to find a booth in the back. I let Bella slide in first, and I took the isle seat, blocking her from view. I took a moment to look and see who was around us, and didn't see any threats. Still, even when I was reading the menu, I was listening to everything going on around us, waiting for the slightest hint of danger.

"Do you know what you want?" I said the first thing that came to my mind,

"Just a burger, and fries. You?"

"Just get me what you are getting." I nodded and shut the menu before surveying the room again. Bella brought my attention back to her by touching my leg, but when I faced her she didn't say what she was about to, and when I heard the waitress ask what she could get for us I knew why. I ordered us the food and some drinks, before turning back to her. Once we were alone again she asked,

"Is everything okay?"

"Yes, fine." She didn't look convinced.

"You seem... Tense." I couldn't help but laugh at that, since most of my time was spent in a state of high tension. "What happened back there? With Alice? It was so weird..." I agreed,

"Yeah, I know. Everything seemed fine until she went all rigid and I was about to rip you away from her... Then it was over. I have no idea what it was about, but since you're fine, I don't really care." That was kind of not the truth, since I did want to know what had went down. "Tell what happened from your point of view." I listened closely, and matched up what she was saying with my own memory. By the time she was done, our food had arrived, and I had to ignore the waitress dangling her cleavage in front of my face.

While we ate we were quiet, and it gave me time to reflect. I knew something wasn't right, and I knew I could figure it out if I put all the pieces together right. I went over everything in my mind again, and thought of something new...

The Mind Reader knew something was going on, too. When I was about to pounce on Alice if she hurt Bella, I needed to check to see where he was before I made my move because he would surely interfere, but when I saw his face, it stopped me. He was watching Alice, and was making his way closer, while his face was scrunched into confusion and slight awe. I remembered looking back at Alice and being shocked. All night long she had looked so happy, and when she first hugged Bella, her face had gone blank, but right then, her face was a canvas of... Pain. She looked so devastated, and it sent chills along my spine even now, when I was thinking about it. Then she pulled away and she acted like nothing was wrong. Even Bella wasn't fooled by that, and she hadn't even seen her face...

Wait... See... Alice can 'see' the future, right? But she told me that Bella goes all haywire when she is with me and that she can't see much, if anything at all. What if she saw something, and that was what had her so disturbed? And, of course, the Mind Reader knew what she was seeing and maybe that was why he was looking so confused. I was sure this wasn't the kind of thing that happened all the time, even around vampires.

My thoughts came back to Bella, and I looked over at her to see her wiping her mouth on a napkin before taking another big bite of her burger, then she gave me a small smile when she finished swallowing. I wondered how this one little being could have such an impact on so many different lives. She could cause some of the most extraordinary things to happen, and I couldn't help but wonder how she did it. And, more importantly, how has she even made it this far intact and sane to boot? She is just so... Amazing. And perfect. And mine.

When we were both done and the waitress came by again she said,

"Is that all? How about something sweet for ya? We've got killer pie."

"Actually, we'll take the cobbler, it's her favorite." I said as I tucked my arm around her and pulled her soft body closer to mine. She stalked off and I turned all my attention back to Bella.

"You know, it's kinda like we did everything backwards. I asked you to marry me before I'd even taken you out on a real date." She gave me that rare special smile that I like to think she saves for me and said,

"But I like our dates, I don't mind not going out."

"I know, but I should show you a good time every now and then, and, I don't know, buy you something nice."

"Yeah, we can just work that in between all the drama I attract and everything else that we've got going on. Besides, I really am not a materialistic person, stuff like going places and spending money, it really doesn't appeal to me." She stopped because our cobbler had arrived. I fed her the first bite and asked,

"Then what does sound appealing to you, right now?" She was still chewing the blueberries and was looking very pleased with it, then she said,

"Right now, I feel like doing some naughty things with you and this cobbler. Here;" She scooped up a bite and fed me some.

"Mmmm." It was really good.

"Yes, I know. Think of how much better it would taste if you were licking it off my body." I immediately had a mental picture of Bella, spread out in front of me with nothing on, except for a trail of blueberries that led from her mouth down to her... Oh, great, now I'm getting a hard on! I tired to think about something else, but when I looked over at Bella it was to see her sliding the spoon slowly out of her mouth, and when her pink little oh-so-talented tongue sneaked out to lick the corner of her mouth, I almost moaned.

And it didn't stop there, since she turned to me with the spoon again and slowly brought it closer to my mouth. I tired to be as seductive about it as she had been, but I was sure I just looked like I was getting a little to personal with a spoon.

Then it hit me.

Even over the smell of food and grease, coffee and cobbler, the smell of Bella's arousal hit me like a ton of bricks. She was just as affected by this as I was.

I found confidence in that fact, and barely suppressed my grin. But I had to remind myself of my decision earlier. I really hadn't planned on it happening like that, but once I said it out loud, it did feel like the right thing to do. I knew it was going to be hard, pun intended, and I was pretty sure Bella was going to do what she could to sway me, but I made a promise to myself that I would hold out.

I mean, it's just sex, it's not that big of a deal. I can just think of something else. I saw Bella drag her finger across the whip cream and I closed my eyes so I wouldn't have to see what I knew was happening, then when I could still picture her sucking her finger into her... Oh, crap! I opened them back. Why do guys have to be so visually stimulated?

When I faced her again, I could see the evil glint in her eye, and I knew this was going to be a long, long night.

A/N: First things first, I apologize for the delay! I apparently have the worst computer luck ever, and was without my laptop for about two weeks, (lame charger.) Then between Christmas and this cold that keeps going around I have been slightly overwhelmed, and am sorry to say this was put on the back burner.

But more to the point, there were a few things I wanted to address, to the readers as a whole and not just in response to the reviewers who ask, (which I am glad you do ask questions, you smart people! You keep me on my toes.) But, NO, I have not forgot about Victoria. I know there have been a lot of chapters since she was mentioned, but if you go back and count the days (like I did, just to make sure) Even though this makes it 12 chapters later, it's barely been a week since Bella spent the night at Jake's and heard about all that. I've mainly been trying to get her out of school so I could do Florida (In much more detail then SM did) and then the Wedding. I might as well let you know, I have no intention of bringing her in until at least those things have passed. I am trying to give them a little bit of happy time, and I am also taking my own time with this, something I wasn't doing at first, but I would like to think I am getting better as I go along. Also, I would like to state, for the record, that SM wrote an entire book skirting around an attack from Victoria, then another book about the attack, so don't hate on me just yet, since I won't be taking that long. I really hope you all don't mind my slower pace, and I hope when you see the bigger picture (Like when I finally complete this) That you will understand and appreciate my thinking.

Also, there have been mentions of being annoyed with Bella not being over Edward, but if you were in her situation, would you be over it already? When I asked myself that, I said, "No, still not yet." And I can't help but love Edward despite his leaving and my love for Jake, and he is terribly fun to write. (Thanks, SM!) I am not on any team, btw, this is just a drawn out version of what I thought _might_ could have happened, and I already know how I am going to end it and I won't change my mind. So please just stick with me, and try to enjoy the ride.

And I know that progress would be lovely, but, really, I am getting to it, I promise, and I also promise not to take a month to get another chapter out! (::Shames herself::)

One more thing, I made a Twitter, which wasn't something I ever thought I needed before, until my I had my technical difficulties and lost access to my half way finished chapter, and I wanted to let everyone know I hadn't forgotten about this and was getting to it asap. So if you would like a regular update on my chapter progress and possibly when I will done with it, you can 'follow' me, and I cross my heart and promise not to lead you astray. ;-D

Last thing, and I'm not, like, whining, or anything, (Okay, maybe I am just a little) But I do not know why I hardly ever get any reviews.. I have great traffic, and am pleased that so many people visit and read, I just wish there was a little more to show for it. I don't know why my count is so low, and it's been mentioned before in reviews, by people wondering why there weren't more, and I honestly don't know. That was one thing that did discourage me a little, because when I got a chance to write, sometimes I''d put it off simply because there wasn't anything from in my inbox and I ended up using my time elsewhere. I would really, really, love to hear what you think, and I won't get mad about constructive criticism, in fact, I will love you for it. And I'll make you Peach Cobbler. Or at least post another chapter sooner.

Enough of that! Just, please review? Thanks.

-Jessica


	44. Chapter 44: Fish Fry and Fate

Chapter 44: Fish Fry and Fate

Jake took us to the beach when we were finished eating, and even though we talked some, I could tell he was distracted. He was still alert of our surroundings, but it didn't take me long to figure out what it was.

A comfortable silence had fallen over us, and he held my hand in his as we traced the shoreline. I decided to catch him off guard, so I said,

"You miss your Dad, don't you? And your brothers." I knew he would know what I meant. He glanced at me, but didn't say anything. I was glad I could read him, though. I waited for him to talk, and I was relieved when he did.

"I guess it's just being so close, but not knowing what is going on." He looked away from the ocean, to the trees, and I felt guilty, again.

"I'm sorry, Jake. I didn't mean to separate you from your family, I never wanted this."

"You didn't do this, I did. I made my own decisions." I shook my head,

"But the decisions were based on me, and I can't help but feel responsible. I want to fix it." He ran his other hand through his hair and said,

"You can't. This is how it is, now." I felt a little mad at him for being so discouraged.

"Hey, where is my positive Jake?" He didn't say anything, so I started thinking of what I could do. "Why don't we head over to your Dad's right now?" He shrugged his shoulders. "What's wrong with that? I'm sure he would love to see you."

"I guess." Was all he said. So there was something more, then...

"You don't want to go?" I prodded.

"Not right now. I'll see him later tonight." Ah. Later tonight, when he would leave me alone. I pushed it to the back of my mind, not wanting to think about it until I had to.

We came across some large rocks, and I sat down on a smaller one, and Jake climbed up on a bigger one and faced the ocean.

He looked beautiful sitting there. I could tell he was troubled by the way his brow knitted together, and how his easy smile seemed to be pressed into a straight line.

"What else are you thinking about?"

"It's nothing." He didn't look at me, and I felt a small flutter of panic. Was he getting tired of me and all of my baggage?

"Is it me?" I had to know. Finally, I seemed to have caught his attention.

"No, no, it's nothing bad. I'm sorry, I just zoned out. I have a lot on my mind. All this wedding stuff..." He sighed. "It's just making me think."

"Okay, understand that. Just let me know if you need to talk about it." He smiled and held his hand out to me, which I took and he pulled me up to sit with him. He wrapped his arm around me and I leaned into him, thankful just to be so close, and I wound my arms around his waist.

"You know, Bella, I think we'll be just fine."

"I think so, too." I smiled up at him. He gave me a soft kiss and I didn't even mind that it was a short one. After some time, I said,

"Come on, lets go." He didn't ask where to, and after he leaped down, he held his arms up for me, and I slid myself into them and he placed me on the ground.

It didn't take us long to make it back to my truck, and I hopped in the drivers seat this time. When I saw the giant black folder that Alice had gave me, I said,

"I guess we need to start thinking about some of the details..."

"Yeah, we should. Do you have any idea where to start? I hope you were paying attention to her, I was lost."

"Yes, I was paying attention, thank you. The first thing we need to know is where we are going to have it." Jake shrugged. "What about our house. It has a nice back yard."

"Yeah, but I need to put a lot of work into that place, I don't know if I could have it all done in time. What about my Dad's place?"

"It's in La Push, so that wouldn't work."

"Oh yeah, you're right. Well, what about your Dad's, then? It's neutral, and there's enough space for the few people we would invite."

"That does sound good. I'll have to run it by Charlie, though."

"Does he even know that Alice is planning it?"

"I don't know, I'll make sure he does. It won't be a problem, I don't think, he likes Alice." Jake just nodded and said,

"So we got the 'where,' now we need the 'who.'"

"That's easy." I said. "My family, and yours. And The Cullens, of course, and the Pack, if they want to come. I think that covers it."

"You don't have any friends from school that you want to invite?"

"Not really, no. I mean, Angela and Ben, maybe, but I'd rather not cause trouble by asking some people and not others." Like Jessica. I snorted inwardly.

"Bella, invite whoever you want, it's_ your _wedding." I looked over at him and smiled.

"It's _my _wedding?" I honestly felt another flutter that was unmistakeably excitement. "It is." Jake caught on easy, he knew I hadn't had time to think about it lately, but now that I had, it was finally starting to feel...

"It's real." Jake finished my unspoken thought.

"Yeah. But it's _our _wedding, you have say in this, too." I pointed out to him.

"I'll reserve the right to put my say in, if I think it's necessary."

"Uh huh, like with the cake? That was the only part your heard, wasn't it?" I teased, but he said,

"Maybe." He said with a laugh.

I had drove us back to my house out of habit, and saw it was almost time for Charlie to be home.

"My Dad will be home soon." I said, wondering if that was when he was going to leave. Then I thought of something, "I'm sorry, I didn't even think, did you want me to drive you home? I just assumed and I shouldn't have..."

"No, Bella, it's fine, I wanted to come back with you. I'm not leaving... Yet." I felt a little panic when he said that, but I vowed not to let it show. I wanted him to see I could be strong if I had to.

"Okay, that's great. Let's just enjoy what time we have. Will you grab the Dress Book for me?"

We went to the kitchen once we were inside, and I started flipping through the huge black book while Jake snagged us a water from the fridge.

It was all white. And fluffy. A little pink here and there, but that was it. I slammed it shut after only a few minutes and sighed.

"What? Don't you like any of them?" Jake asked.

"I don't know... Maybe if I could try one on, I could go from there. It's just... I didn't grow up dreaming about my wedding. To be honest, it was kind of the opposite. My Mom never said she regretted marrying my Dad, but why else would she have left, if she didn't? I never wanted that for myself. I never really even gave it a thought. Until now, that is."

"Well, that's fine. You have Alice to help you, and I can... Try." He made a face like he wasn't sure if he liked what he was saying, but the fact that he was trying made me feel better. I stood and walked over to him, and he accepted me into his arms. I laid my head on his chest and said,

"Thanks, but I think you've done enough."

"Never." He said as he tightened his hold a little.

"No, Jake, really. You're amazing. And I love you. But I will never be able to repay you for everything you've done already. You don't have to be so perfect all the time."

"I'm not... I just want to make you happy." I looked at him,

"You do. You definitely do." I popped up on my toes, but he had to duck his head to meet me so I could kiss him. He didn't pull away, so neither did I.

I didn't push anything, since I wasn't sure what would be his stopping point, so I decided to let him lead. Apparently kissing was definitely okay, since he deepened it as he spun us around and sat me on the counter top. Our lips danced together, and his smell and his heat was covering me, completing me, and making me ache for more.

I couldn't help myself, I had to wrap my arms around him, and it was so easy to slide my hands underneath his shirt so I could feel his skin. His hands were on me, and I melted wherever they touched. He wrapped a hand around the back of my neck, and used his other to drag my hips forward so that I was pushed into his hard on.

There was no doubt that he could tell I was turned on, and even less that I could not notice how heated he had let himself get, and all from a little kissing. When he pulled away finally, he had an indecipherable look in his eyes, and he turned away before I could study it.

"Jake..." He walked to the other side of the kitchen and said,

"Sorry, I went too far." I shook my head,

"I didn't think so, at all." He was standing close to the back door, and I could sense that he was thinking of leaving, so I hopped off the counter and casually said, "Well, Charlie should be home in a bit, and I need to start him something for dinner. Would you mind keeping me company until then?" He smiled and nodded, and I started rummaging around the kitchen for something to fix, and pretended I didn't notice him adjusting himself when he thought I wasn't looking.

After opening the refrigerator twice and cabinets several more times, I give in with a sighed, "Damn it." Jake was next to me in a second,

"What is it?"

"There's nothing here to cook, I really need to go to the store. I guess I'll just have to order him something..."

I got two large pizza's this time, and Jake told me to make it a pickup.

"Last name?" The girl on the phone asked. Automatically, I said,

"Swan." But then I realized something. That was about to change, too. My last name will be Black. Bella Black. I smiled, because I liked it. Jake walked up to me and brushed my hair back and asked,

"Why don't we rent a movie tonight? We can just... Hang." He shrugged his huge shoulders. I smiled,

"Yeah, pizza and a movie, that sounds good." And that meant I got to keep him for that much longer. Maybe we can rent two, and if he stayed for both of them it would be late and I could talk him into sleeping here... But that would only work once, which meant he would leave tomorrow.

I plotted all the way to the movie store, not even seeing the road. (Jake was driving, thankfully.) All I could think about was that I wanted him to be with me at night, because I was sure if he left I would not sleep. I didn't want to be alone. That annoying voice in my head told me that was exactly what the problem was here, but I kicked it aside and told it to shut up. I just needed someone there to feel safe... With the threat of Victoria still looming over my head, I couldn't help it.

I noticed it had started to drizzle again and the cars were thinning out for the night, even though it was barely Six. When we were parked Jake tucked me under his arm and shielded me from the rain as much as he could while we rushed inside the movie store.

Jake kept his arm around me while we looked around. We both skipped over the horror ones without a question, since we had enough of that stuff in our daily lives. Nothing in the romance section really jumped out at me, but I grabbed a random one that seemed like it would be fine by the title. Once Jake picked his and when we paid it was time to get the pizza's, then we headed back home and pulled up right as Charlie was getting out of his cruiser.

He smiled when he saw us, and when Jake held up the pizza boxes Charlie nodded and held up a six pack, and then they both made grunts and nods of appreciation and laughed together as we walked in the house. As I shut and locked the door then sat the movies down, I shook my head at their guy moment, not understanding it a bit. But as long as they got along, I wasn't complaining.

When we were all seated at the table digging into our pizza, the normalcy of the situation seemed to stand out. With us three tucked around the kitchen table, laughing and joking, it felt like everything was okay, like there were no out side threats.

Charlie stood and went to the fridge, and I heard the pop of not one but two beers, which caused me to look up and listen to what he was saying. Something that happened with him and Henry one time, but since I came in half way through I didn't get it, or why Jake was laughing so hard beside me. He plopped one down in front of Jake as he sat and paused to take a sip of his, then what he did seemed to have dawned on him. He looked at the beer and back up to Jake who swallowed his pizza but didn't make a move otherwise. When Charlie was sure he wasn't going to reach for it he said,

"You know, Jacob, sometimes I forget how old you are." I could see his detective skills being put to use as he said, "You do act a lot older for your age. Between your size and your maturity, and wanting to marry so soon, you'd think you were in your mid-Twenty's, not your late teen's." Before he could point anything else out I said,

"Yes, I know, I am thankful I found someone so mature. Compared to others, I am very lucky." Jake gave me a small smile and I put my hand on his leg under the table. Charlie said,

"Yeah, compared to others, he is a good choice." My eyes snapped to him, I knew what he meant by that. But he was right, so I didn't say anything. My pizza no longer looked appealing. Charlie spoke to Jake,

"Well, kid, might as well not waste it." When Jake didn't do anything, he said, "Go on, try it." I was about to intervene and ask what he was playing at, but Jake couldn't help but rise to the occasion and did. He reached out and took a large swig, then made a curious face.

"That's pretty gross." He said, and I couldn't help but laugh a little. Charlie took another sip of his and said,

"But it's pretty satisfying, isn't it?" Jake tried again, and drained the bottle down to half and smiled, then I started to feel a little alarmed. How would the alcohol effect him? And why was my Dad encouraging a minor to drink? I couldn't help it, so I said,

"Jake, maybe you shouldn't..."

"It's okay, Bella." Was all he said, but he put it down and picked up another slice and ate like nothing unusual had happened. Charlie was watching us both intently and I tired to think of something I could say to distract him.

"Well, Dad, we rented some movies since I was kinda tired of Sport Center, is that cool?" It took a second then he said,

"What? Yeah. Fine. I'm... I think I'm gonna go pay Billy a visit. Let him know his son is doing alright. He probably thinks we've forgotten about him over there." He said pointedly.

"Will you tell him I'll be there later tonight?" Jake asked, and Charlie seemed unable to help himself and blurted out,

"You aren't staying here tonight?" I shook my head and said,

"No, we decided to wait until we are married to act like we are." I waited for his reaction, which mostly seemed to be thoughtful. Then he said,

"Well, okay then. That sounds good." I snorted inwardly. Yeah, right.

"Yep." Was all Jake said.

The silence that followed was the first awkward part of the night. Then Charlie pulled one of his rare moments of speech out and said to Jake,

"You remind me a lot of your Dad, you know." He took a sip of his beer and ruffled his hair.

Jake had stopped eating and said a polite "Thank You." But Charlie continued,

"I remember watching you two play when you were just knee high to a grass hopper. Your Mom called it. She said you two would end up together." Jake seemed taken back.

"She said that?" I felt that heart wrenching pain again when I thought of his mother, and of how he must feel. I tighten my hand that still rested on his leg and he covered it with his, plastering it there. Charlie said,

"Oh yeah. She was going on, 'Aww, it'd be soo cute,'" he did a high pitch impression and I started to wonder what was in that stuff as he took another sip and said, "But when she started talking about a wedding I stopped her, because I couldn't think of letting go of my little girl." I felt the prickling of tears and my throat closed so I just nodded and didn't say anything. "Well, Jacob, now comes the fun part."

"What's that?"

"Wait til Monday. You'll see." He laughed but Jake did seem to pale a little. The comment wasn't lost on me, seeing as how we would be arriving in Florida early Monday morning. This time, it was Jake who just nodded and I gave my Dad a look that said for him to shut it and said,

"It's nothing to worry about Jake, my Mom will love you." Charlie stood and said bye as he let himself out. I didn't think about it until after the door shut behind him and I said, "Do you think he should be driving?" I was getting up but Jake put a hand on my arm and stopped me,

"He's not drunk, he had one beer."

"Yeah, but did you hear him? He's on something." I said, expecting Jake to deny that, but he just inclined his head a little. "What?" He looked up at me,

"What?" But he smiled. I knew he was up to something so I sat back down and whacked his arm. "You want to know a secret?" He asked.

"Yes... Tell me."

"Okay, well first, you really can't tell any one. I only know because my Dad knows, and if they find out I told you, of all people, I don't know who I would be afraid of the most, your Dad or mine..."

"I'm starting to worry, will you just spit it out?"

"It's nothing bad, Bella, it's all good. Okay, listen. I want you to think about something for me." He stopped and I made a noise of frustration. "Okay, how many times have you heard the words, 'Henry's Homemade Fish Fry?'" That was not what I was expecting, but many different memories rose to the surface and I said,

"A lot, I guess, what does this have to do with anything?" I was getting impatient.

"Everything. Have you ever actually _seen_ this supposed 'fish fry?' Have you ever cooked with it or has Charlie, for that matter?" I thought about it and suddenly realized that he had a point... I did not have any recollection of any type of fish being cooked at all, let alone in what I assumed was some type of fish batter. When I didn't say anything, Jake said knowingly, "You haven't. Have you ever wondered what it could be?" He said elusively.

"I'm wondering right now."

"No ideas? Well, you know La Push is a reservation, which means we sometimes get to make our own laws. See, basically, Henry grows marijuana, and it's legal. Your Dad knows, and he can't do a damn thing, so I guess he decided he might as well join in on the fun." at my shocked expression he said, "But, I mean, it's just pot." My head was spinning.

"What? It's just... Wait. My Dad... Is the Chief. Of Police. My Dad does not smoke... _pot!_" I said, a bit shrilly.

"Don't freak, Bella, jeez. This is why your Dad didn't want you to know, he knew you would do this." I stopped and tried to give myself a moment to process this. After a moment, I said,

"So, you are telling me that My Dad, Charlie Swan..." I stalled and Jake just nodded. "I mean, I just can't even believe it!" I admitted.

"Bella, what do you think all those old guys do when they get together? Have you ever actually listened to some of the story's he tells? I know you've heard them laughing and carrying on. And they don't go sit out in a boat all day just for the hell of it. He'd be glad to know he did such a good job of hiding it though, he's afraid you might figure it out one day."

"Figure what out? I've never seen my Dad act all drugged out!" I started thinking back, trying to figure out if I could pinpoint some sign, but I couldn't. Jake was just looking thoughtfully at the table, and I snapped, "What? Are you going to tell me you're a pot head, too?" Jake's head snapped up and he said,

"Huh? No! I don't smoke. I mean I've tried it, but it's not a habit. Have you?"

"No, and I don't want to, thank you." He laughed.

"You know, it's crazy how someone so normal can attract so many abnormal things."

"Yeah, yeah, I know, I'm a freak of my own kind, can we get back to the point here? I can't believe you kept something like this from me!" I said accusingly, and he put his hands up in surrender,

"Hey, I told you now, didn't I?" I didn't say anything since he had me there. "Look, before it was just another one of my people's secrets, then before this whole 'Alpha' thing I literally wasn't allowed to say, but now, like I said, I can make my own decisions. And you better not make me regret this one by saying anything to Charlie." He warned. For one moment, I thought about telling him I would do what ever I wanted, but I said,

"Of course I'm not going to say anything! I just don't understand why he would do it!" I shook my head and Jake spoke slowly and calmly, like he was trying to explain something to a stubborn child.

"Bella, your Dad has a very stressful job. Since you've been around he spends more time at home, but he used to be at the station constantly. One night I heard him telling my Dad some stuff... And since you've never tired it, well, I guess you can't understand, but I think it helps him. It's not bad for you at all, it's been used for medical purposes for hundreds of years."

"I didn't know any of that..." I admitted. I never really gave Charlies' job a second thought, but now that I did, it seemed obvious that it wouldn't be pleasant, even in a town as small as this. Then I thought of something.

"So, you've tried it?" He nodded. "What's it like?" He licked his lips and thought for a second, then said,

"Well, it's relaxing. And... Nice." He shrugged. "You should just try it for yourself, and see what you think. It's different for everybody."

"I'm good, thanks." He laughed and stood,

"Come on, lets go watch a movie." I was glad he suggested it, I was getting a headache and didn't really want to talk about this anymore. I would think about it later...

We curled up on the couch and watched the one I picked first. The plot was nonexistent, and I knew how it would end after the first fifteen minutes of watching it. The only reason I put up with it was because I was getting to keep Jake longer. Though when the very detailed sex scene started rolling, I did feel like throwing something at the T.V.

I lifted my head and looked up at Jake, who was already looking down at me with my favorite grin on, and he captured my lips with his. It was a slow, sure kiss, and it halted time for me. I was vividly aware of him and everything he was doing to me with his hands and his mouth. I wasn't being placid like in the kitchen earlier. If he was willing to get physical, then so was I. Soon I was on top of him, and he held me against him with one hand while the other roamed over my clothes. I brushed his hair back and moved over so I could trace his ear with my tongue.

"Bella?" he questioned. I latched onto his earlobe and nibbled a little.

"Hmm?" I purred into his ear. He sighed and said,

"That feels... So good... Can't remember what I was..."

"Shhh" I whispered, and he did. I nuzzled his neck and began kissing him here and there, nipping a bit. He let out quiet moans now and then but that was all. I moved my hips against him and he sighed my name again. I stilled myself and asked,

"Do you want me to stop?" I _hoped _he would say no. I watched the bob of his Adams apple, and I put my lips to his to keep any words from coming out. His hands gripped my bottom firmly and he stood up, never breaking the kiss. Jake easily conquered the stairs while I wiggled in his arms, groping and kissing every part of him I could reach. When he made it to my bed, he threw me down and promptly began to remove my pants, which made my tummy clench with excitement. My body was aching to be filled, and I was so glad he had given in without any real effort on my part.

"We can do it one more time, then we will wait." Jake reasoned as he pulled on my pants while I slid my legs out, and I said, a little breathlessly,

"Yeah, I mean, we shouldn't just quit cold turkey. We should give ourselves time to adjust to this." I pushed his shirt up and he quickly tore it off.

"And Charlie isn't here, I really can't pass up an opportunity to be with you." I took off my own shirt and before I could free my arms from it's sleeves, Jake's arms were around me and expertly popping the clasp on my bra. He didn't say anything else, but his mouth began to work wonders over my skin, down to my breasts, and lower... I fell back onto the bed, my toes curled in anticipation.

"Oh, Jake, I love this part..." I sighed, and when he chuckled deeply I blushed because I had not meant to say that out loud. He teased me with his hands, rubbing my legs and inner thighs in a soothing, yet arousing way. He parted me, and I could feel him looking, taking in everything that I had to offer, and I had to see his face. His eyes met mine, and before he could even say it, I could see the truth of it staring back at me,

"I love this, too." He whispered, then ran a finger across my folds, making me shiver. "I love how wet you are..." He eased on dexterous finger inside me, making me moan. "I love how you taste..." I lost sight of his mouth as he dove in and I collapsed once more on the bed. That one finger curled just right and his tongue flicked over the perfect spot and I was quivering. My legs were twitching, fluttering like wings around Jake's head. My orgasm was pretty much instantaneous, and when I felt the snap of pure pleasure rush through my veins again and again as he kept it going, I cried out his name in a long mewl.

My eyes were closed from the force of it, so when Jake slid right into me, meeting zero resistance, I lost my breath from surprise. His hands latched onto my shoulders to hold me down then he was off. _This _iswas what I had been waiting for... The _full_ feeling. Jake hammered his body into mine in rapid succession, and I could feel myself continuously coming. I dragged my nails along his skin, before I dug them into his forearms and held on. I had a mantra of encouragement, his name, and even begging running. I wanted him to finish too, so I let him do what he needed and also know that I wanted it.

I could tell by his intensity that he was close. I tugged him down and kissed him hard, and when I felt his body began to shudder against mine, I locked myself around him, holding him close as he rode it out. When he finished he dropped on top of me, breathing quickly and still inside. I loved the feeling of being surrounded by him, and all too soon he began to pull away. He easily broke through my arms, which were trying to hold him in place, and pulled me up on the pillow with him. I put my arm around his neck and laid my head on his chest, while our legs wrapped together.

"Love you." I was surprised by my yawn that followed that.

"Love you, too. Now sleep." I tucked myself in closer and said,

"Kay." And since he was here, I did.

~*~

::Jacob POV::

Even after Bella drifted off, I stayed with her. I kept telling myself I'd give her five more minutes, so she would really be asleep, then I would go... But when it came down to actually untangling myself from her... I couldn't. Every time I tired, I could only see that look she gets, the one that says, 'I'm trying to hold it all in, when I'm really about to break down into tears' and I reflexively held her tighter.

I wanted to see my Dad, but also, I wanted to be here, with Bella. Always, with Bella.

By the time Charlie made it home, she had rolled over and was pressing back against me. Before I could change my mind, I quietly slid out of the bed, and threw the blanket over her to keep her warm now that I wasn't there. She looked so sweet, sleeping there like that. I quietly sifted through the pile of discarded clothes and slid them back on. I had to make myself leave before I crawled right back in bed with her.

Charlies eyes were blood shot, and he said he'd be going to bed soon, after he finished raiding the fridge. I told him I'd take Bella's truck, because I did need to take a look at it, especially since she expected me to keep the damn thing running, and he was fine with that.

I tired not to feel guilty as I took her spare keys from Charlie and made my way out of the front door. Once I was in her truck, it took a few times before it started, and once it did, I heard a small _taptap _ on the passenger side, and looked over to see Alice standing there. She climbed in after that and said,

"We need to talk." Before I could even get anything out. In that one second that she entered the cab, it was full of her sickly scent, and it knocked the wind out of me. I didn't say anything as I turned my head and cracked the window, trying to breathe in the fresh air.

"About what?" I asked, trying not to sound angry. I really didn't have time to deal with any vampire drama right now.

"Bella." I looked over at her and she said, "Now that I have your attention... I'm sure you know what this is about." I thought about playing dumb, just to make it harder for her, but I said,

"I'm assuming you have some explanation as to why you freaked out today." She huffed,

"I didn't 'freak,' Jacob, I had a vision!" Damn. I had been afraid of that. Still, I tired to act like it wasn't bothering me.

"And what does this have to do with me, or Bella?" She shook her head.

"It has everything to do with you." Was all she said. I waited, and when she never elaborated, I asked,

"I thought you couldn't 'see' anything about Bella, because of me."

"You are right. I can't. But What happened today..." She let out a sarcastic laugh, "It's never happened before."

"Bella is such an enigma." I whispered under my breath, and she quietly agreed. "So, are you ever gonna spit it out?" She glared at me, then said,

"Edward thinks I shouldn't. He thinks that would be messing with fate."

"Well, good for him, but I don't really give a damn what he has to say. Now, you came here to tell me something, and I haven't got all night. So..."

"So, it's not that easy!" She hissed. "Most of it is just speculation, anyways, and how can I just tell someone that I think... I think...." She broke off, and gave a frustrated sigh, and it sort of reminded me of Bella. That thought softened me, and I asked, as nicely as I could.

"Look, is she in any immediate danger? Is there something I need to look out for, a specific threat, what? You gotta give me something."

"It's nothing like that... Not that I can tell. All I saw was Bella, at some point in the future. And she... Wasn't... Happy."

"Was she hurt?" I asked impatiently, and she shook her head.

"No, she looked... Healthy." Her eyes shifted away from mine, and I knew she was holding something back there, but I kept pushing.

"Where was I?" She shook her head,

"You weren't there. You were gone..." This time it was me shaking my head.

"You're wrong there. I'd never leave her." Her wide golden eyes seemed to shine in the darkness, reflecting off what little street light that made it in the truck. I was reminded of the look she had on her face when she was hugging Bella, and I could still almost see it now there now. "Is it bad?"

"Yeah. It's bad." I sighed and decided to do what I do best, which is find a way around anything in my way.

"Well, I'm not worried. I'll do whatever it takes, no matter what, to make her happy. I promise you, she will be fine."

"How can you feel so certain? How can you know?"

"Because I do. That is just the way it has to be." She looked away and didn't say anything else, so I cleared my throat and said, "Was that all?" She faced me again and seemed to be thinking about something before she finally said,

"One more thing. I want to try something. Let me see your hand." I blinked once then held up my right hand for her to see. She rolled her eyes and snatched it in both of her tiny frozen ones and it was all I could do not to jerk it back. She held on tight, like she knew I might try that, and squeezed her eyes shut. I waited for a second, then said,

"What are you doing.?"

"Shh!" She snapped and I shut my mouth. She sure was bossy. After another moment she gave a dramatic sigh and let go of my hand, which I shook around to get the feeling back in it. As she backed out of the cab she said, "Go on home, Jacob Black. I'll watch her tonight." She shut the door and bounded off around the side of the house, and I finally pulled off with the windows all the way down.

I did feel good knowing someone was watching over her. The Lord knows you can't leave that girl alone for one minute. I tired to make sense of everything she said... What was mine and Bella's fate? Would it really end badly? What could I do to make it right? I never wanted to lose her, ever. This was causing a dull ache to build behind my eyes, so I pushed it back in my mind. I knew that I was also about to get an ear full from Billy, and that didn't help much either.

Once I shut the truck off and started up the drive, part of me wanted nothing more then to phase and run right back to Bella's bed room and curl up with her, and pretend that I never even thought about leaving. But when the porch light flicked on, I knew I had no choice.

I hoped I got to bed soon, I could use some sleep.

~*~

A/N: Reviews!! Feedback! Please!!! Thanks. Hearts. -Jessica


	45. Chapter 45: Confessions of a Captain

Chapter 45: Confessions of a Captain Consumer

The stillness of the air around me was the first clue that Jake was not there. How did I know?

No deep, steady breathing.

I kept my eyes closed, and tried to hold on a bit longer to the oblivion of sleep, but I was becoming more aware.

I was cold. I tried to curl up and find some warm spot, but there was none.

No space heater.

Nothing to hold.

I sat up, letting the blanket fall to my waist, exposing my bare chest to the chilly air, but I just glared at my pillow. My lonely pillow.

"Bella." My name was spoken from the rocking chair, and I simultaneously gasped and jerked the blanket over me.

"Alice! You about gave me a heart attack!" I put my hand over my heart as if that would help slow down it's beating.

"I am sorry." Was all she said. I looked around uncomfortably.

"How long have you been here?"

"Since right after Jacob left. I told him I'd watch over you until he got back." She explained.

"Oh. Thanks." I said, feeling a little better. I had almost forgot I wasn't completely alone out there, other then Jake, of course. I had been lost in thought for a moment, and I noticed Alice was being unusually quiet. "Is everything okay?" I asked, knowing already that nothing ever was.

"For now, it is." She left it at that.

"For now?" I questioned. "That sounds ominous."

"Yes. It does seem rather foreboding." She looked lost in thought, then she said, "Bella, can I ask you something?"

"Sure." I pulled the blanket tighter around me, and she said,

"Have you picked out what you are going to wear at graduation?" I blinked,

"Uh, no, I haven't thought about it, actually."

"Yes, I assumed. I have something picked out for you, I think you will love it." She smiled a little.

"Wow, thanks. You know you don't always have to do stuff for me..." I added, but she shook her head and I stopped. I remembered something that I wanted to ask her, but I wasn't sure how to bring it up. Alice interrupted my thoughts with,

"What are you wanting to ask me? You need to think about the thought specifically for me to 'see.'" I blushed a little.

"Actually, it's nothing really... It's just, you know how I'm fashion challenged and, well, I don't own anything... Sexy."

"Yeah, I know! I've just been waiting on you to ask! I think every girl should warp themselves in something tasty, so their guy can look forward to the unwrapping. And Bella, lingerie shopping is so fun, I can't wait to take you. I have some at home, as you know, but the real fun is going to the stores and trying things on..." I said,

"Lets just start with what you've got, that's good for now. I'm glad I have you back, you know. It's just good to have a girl I can go to." She nodded,

"I'm here to stay now."

"Good. That makes me happy." I said, honestly.

"What about Jacob?"

"What about him?" I asked, confused.

"He doesn't want us here, you know that. He hates me." I sighed,

"I know it seems that way, but he will never ask me to chose, and I think I can get him to give you a chance. And once he does, he will see why I love you so much." I smiled at her and she just shook her head.

"I wish it was as easy as you make it sound. I hope it is, anyway." She paused but kept her eyes on me. She finally asked, a little cautiously, "Are you sure you are okay with marrying a wolf? Do you know what it will mean for you, and possibly even for your children, if you have them?" I shrugged.

"I'm fine with whatever it might mean. I can handle it."

"I hope so." She shook her head. "I really do." Then she was standing, "Why don't you go freshen up, you have no idea what you smell like. I'll be down stairs, and we can talk dresses."

"Alright, bossy, go on!" She flashed me a perfect smile then she was gone. But something she said had stirred my subconscious. Children... I remembered that I had stopped taking my birth control, which meant Jake and I had been having unprotected sex. My tummy clenched with fear for a moment before I started to think more clearly. I hurried to my planner and counted the days, and sighed. I wasn't due for more then a week. I guess it was a good idea for Jake to put a stop to the lovemaking when he did, or I might have had given him one hell of a wedding present.

I hurried into the bathroom with my hand over my tummy, thinking of what it might feel like if there was a baby in there?

Forty minutes later, I found Charlie in the kitchen drinking his morning coffee while Alice was discretely pouring hers down the drain while he wasn't looking at her. Charlie said to me,

"I hear Alice is in charge of your wedding, that sounds cool." I gave him a weird face and said,

"If it sounds like so much fun, why don't you two take care of everything for me? We were thinking about having it here, anyways." My Dad looked dumbfounded and Alice started twittering,

"Ooo, that sounds lovely! I could really brighten this place up!" And she began to write rather quickly onto the same notepad she had been using when I was at her house.

"Brighten? What does that mean?" Charlie seemed alarmed now and I couldn't help my laugh.

"Well, you two have fun getting to it." I got up hugged my Dad's neck, and it was Alice who asked,

"And where do you think you are going?"

"To Jake's." I said, simply.

"We were going to look at the dresses!" She sounded upset, but I said,

"It's okay, we can look at them later. I'm not waiting around all morning for him to wake up. I'll see you later, though." I grabbed my bag and started the search for my keys as I walked towards the front door and I heard my Dad and Alice laughing about something. I ignored it and made my way halfway down the walk way, thinking about all the different ways I could wake him up, before I noticed. I looked in the driveway, and up and down both sides of the road, but there was no extremely old orange truck, anywhere.

"Dude, where's my truck?" I said out loud, and Alice appeared next to me,

"Your Dad gave Jacob the spare, he said he needed to do some work on it. It's okay, we can look at the dresses now!" I sighed. Why did he have to take my truck? Now I was going to have to wait...

I let Alice drag me back inside, and I resigned myself to what I knew was coming.

"_Jake, you better hurry your butt over here!" _I thought at him, and I hoped somehow, he heard me.

~*~

Saturday came quickly, and brought Graduation along with it. Charlie was beside himself, and was fretting all over me almost like my Mom would, had she been here. We had decided it would be best if she stayed in Florida since we would be flying down the day after. She was okay with it, as long as we promised to document every moment with pictures.

Alice picked me out a really nice dress, combined with some cute flats. It was a pastel blue silky thing that fell to my knees with the same color shoes. She had quickly whipped my hair back into a French Braid, which was best, she said, for holding up the cap. That and some strategically placed bobby pins. Makeup was kept minimal, a little something on my eyes and shine on my lips.

She had also brought over some rather racy under things, insisting that it was a personal confidence booster, not lingerie, before she convinced me to slip into the black, stringy, see through, matching bra and panties.

When Alice snapped another picture and exclaimed, "You're ready!" She led me downstairs to see everyone. Any self conscious feelings I had melted away when I saw the way Jake looked at me. He kept sneaking small kisses in when he found the chance, and every brush of any part of him against me was like an electric shock.

Anytime I caught Jake looking for too long he'd act like nothing happened, but I knew he was drooling. A few times on the drive over to the school I thought he even had a dreamy look on his face. I put on the gown once I was out of the truck and his hands definitely lingered as he 'helped' me smooth it down over my dress properly, but that was okay.

When we made it in the school, I was told to go to the band room, and Jake quickly swept me up in his arms for one last kiss, then pushed me off in the right direction. He said,

"I'll see you." I looked over my shoulder before he was swallowed up in the crowd and said,

"See you." I made my way to the right room, where we were being lined up in alphabetical order, only it seemed to be almost impossible for anyone to get it right. Everyone was talking and running around, ignoring everything they were being told. The only decent part was when Angela came over to hug me.

"Have a great summer, and keep in touch! By the way, there's a small party tonight at my house, if you and Jacob want to come that would be great."

"Yeah, that sounds good, we'll try to be there."

"Awesome!" Before I could even stop myself I said,

"I haven't got invitations yet, but it'd be nice if you came to our wedding. It's this summer at my house."

"Of course, I'd love to!" After a round of 'I'll call you's and 'Goodbye's' I was left to stand alone again.

Once we were all sorted out, and still waiting on the go ahead from outside, the shoes began to feel tight and my feet began to ache. I wished we could get this done and over with, already.

Finally, we made it backstage, where once our name was called, we were to walk up and shake a few important people's hands, before being handed an important piece of paper, then we make our way down the stairs on the opposite side then take the next seat in the row. This was all very slow work, and I didn't remember there being _this _many seniors...

By the time the master of ceremony was halfway through the L's my feet were screeching. I could feel blisters being formed where the hard sides kept rubbing on me, and my toes were cramped. I was so absorbed with the stupid shoes and what I was going to do to Alice for picking these out, I was startled to hear my name being called out, and stumbled out onto the stage in front of a auditorium full of people before catching my balance.

_Don't fall... Walk... Carefully..._

I made it to the first man and shook his hand. Ew. It was sweaty. The next, female, was soft, and not bad at all. I smiled at her. The next old guy squeezed so hard I thought he would crush my hand if he didn't stop and I winced when I managed to get it back and flex it. I didn't even feel the last one, thanks to that. Finally, I had the scroll, and I made it to my seat without falling. Whew. Now, for the breathing part.

Soon I was calmed down enough to look over my shoulder to see if I could find where Jake and my Dad were. I found them when I looked back and to my left, and Jake waved at me, before crossing his arms over his chest. I saw my Dad pointing a camera my way and I smiled again, then looked next to him and saw what must have been bothering Jake.

There was Edward, dressed very nicely, with that lopsided grin on his face, looking right at me. He winked at me and I could feel the smile slid off of my face as I turned back around, barely seeing Alice who was next to him.

I told myself to ignore the fluttering I felt whenever I saw him, and that it meant nothing. I decided I liked the way Jake made me feel a lot better. I'd rather be warm and gooey then all nervous and hyperventilating.

I heard my name being whispered a few seats down, and realized it must be Jessica so I ignored it. She just couldn't give it a rest.

We all went to my house after, and Alice put the store bought cake my Dad got in the refrigerator while the table was covered with the ones she ordered. I took off my shoes the moment I walked in the door.

"I just thought we could use this chance to sample some different kinds, just try them all and tell me your favorites, okay?" I laughed and said,

"Alright, where's a fork?" Jake walked up beside me with an open box and inside was what was left of this sample,

"Try this." He fed me a bite and it was wonderfully chocolate and moist.

"Mmmm." I said, while Jake took another one for himself then gave me some more. I had stepped closer to him, and once he gave me my bite he placed the fork back in the box and used his finger to wipe some icing off of my lip. I thought seriously about licking it off his finger when Charlie suddenly snapped a picture then cleared his throat loudly, making me jump back some. "That's really good." I said.

I tried a few more before finally narrowing it down to the white traditional or the German Chocolate, which was what Jake had been feeding me. Once Alice was busy with cleaning, Jake and I sneaked upstairs for a little alone time. I sat on the bed and said,

"My feet hurt. Those shoes are the devil." As I reached down and rubbed them softly.

"Lay back, I'll rub them for you."

"Okay, but will you unzip me first? I'm ready to get out of this dress."

I stood and Jake slowly slid down the zipper, letting the heat from his fingers warm my back momentarily. He brushed them against the small of my back and I shivered. His hands came up to my shoulders and began to push the material down.

"What's this?" He asked, and his lips came down to graze across the strap.

"From Alice. You like it?"

"Very much. But I'd like to see more." I turned to face him and shimmied so the dress fell away, then took a step back so he could see properly. His tongue wet his lips and his eyes traveled up and down my body several times. I turned around and leaned over the bed, smiling, as I fixed the pillows and gave him a nice view at the same time, then I laid down and once I was comfortable and said,

"It's all yours." And relaxed into the mattress. I closed my eyes and waited to feel his hands on me, and when I did, I moaned a little. It was already feeling better, and when he found that one really sensitive spot and dug in my foot arched reflexively in his hands, causing me to gasp and shudder.

"Hey, it's just a foot rub, don't give anyone the wrong idea." He raised his eyebrow at me and I blushed as I caught on. I tired to relax again, but thinking about who was downstairs was making it hard. I decided that since it was my last Saturday in Forks before leaving for Florida that I wanted to do something fun.

"What do you want to do tonight?" I asked Jake, and he said,

"Whatever you want to do." His hands began to slide up my legs. I smiled and said,

"Lets go to a party." Jake's easy smile told me he had agreed already.

"Where?" He crawled up my body, letting his hair tickle my skin until he came to rest beside me.

"At Angela's house, she said it would be small, and I think we should do something fun before we have to leave."

"Yeah I think you're right. Get dressed, we'll go. But first..." I forgot about everything as he pushed his body against mine and his lips took over mine. There was a lot of pent up sexual frustration put into that kiss, and it was ended only by a shuddering boom that echoed through the old house and caused us to jerk apart.

"What..?" I started,

"... the fuck?" Jake finished for me. We both jumped up and started for the door but Jake turned on me and said, "Bella, you have to stay here. Get dressed, but don't move until I come back and get you. Okay?" I saw the desperation in his eyes so I nodded. He quickly pressed his lips against mine then bounded out of my room, shutting the door behind him. I ran to my closet and stepped into my favorite jeans and put on the first t shirt that I came across. I was so thankful to put on my trusty old Converse, but after I was dressed that left me with nothing to do. Thankfully Jake hurried back and said,

"It's fine, it was just Edward." He rolled his eyes.

"What? Edward?" I questioned somewhat.

"Yeah, he slammed the door. I guess he was, um, bothered by something. Anyway, it doesn't matter. I think you said something about a party?" I nodded. "Then lets go."

My Dad told me to have fun but not to stay out too late, and I responded with a,

"Yeah, yeah." I'd be here when I got here.

I drove, and let my mind wonder about Edward for a few minutes. I knew what he was upset about, I just didn't know what I could do about it. I started thinking I could use a break, or just a chance to get my mind off of everything.

Soon, I was parking in front of Angela's house and Jake was saying,

"I thought you said it was small?" I looked and saw what he meant. There were a lot of people, most of whom seemed intoxicated, even from this far away. Jake looked at me and shrugged, and I knew he was leaving it up to me. We could go in... Or we could go do something else... Oh, what the hay.

"Come on, lets go at least for a little bit. Just say it if you want to leave." Jake agreed and we made up way up the driveway and into the front door. I spotted Angela and dragged Jake over to her and reintroduced them.

"It's great to see you guys here! I didn't think you would come!" She hugged me and I noticed she seemed to be talking a little louder then normal, and she looked like she was blushing but I guessed it was just the excitement. "Just make yourselves at home. There's a lot more going on that what I had planned, but word spread fast and next thing you know, the whole senior class is here!" She laughed nervously and took a swig from the plastic cup in her hand. "Make sure you try the punch, it's awesome." She looked at something over my shoulder and said with worry in her voice, "Hey, what's that?" I turned and saw Mike and a couple other guys carrying in a huge metal barrel. Someone yelled,

"A keg!" I only heard Angela's moan of,

"Kill me now." Because she was standing so close. They set it down on the table and we followed, while Ben asked,

"Where did you get it?"

"Bought it off some college assholes for a buck! It was a steal." Mike said.

"Where's the tap?" I was surprised by Jake's deep, carrying voice and turned to look at him like everyone else. He cleared his throat and said, "You know, the thing you use to get the beer out." Everyone turned to look at Mike, who was now swallowing uncomfortably, and said,

"I don't... Know." Everyone groaned but someone mentioned their parents having one, but I turned to Jake, who was watching the scene unfold with a grin on his face, and said,

"I'm going to get some punch, you want any?" He said no so I made my way towards the kitchen where I assumed I would find the punch. I was right, and I felt accomplished as I picked up the ladle and emptied it into a plastic cup like Angela's. I took a small sip and even though it was strong, it was good. I drained it once then filled it again before walking back to find Jake.

The next few hours passes easily, with lots of laughter. Jake seemed like he could fit in anywhere, and had already not only caught all the girls attention, but the guys as well. Everyone had questions about surfing, or his heritage, but he never acted bothered by all the attention he just went with it. I refilled my punch a few times, and it wasn't long before I was bobbing with loud bass thumping through the walls, and leaning as much into Jake as I could. After my forth I leaned into his hear and said, "I need to pee!" Before going on a long journey to find a toilet.

Once I had finally relieved myself and was washing my hands in the sink when I began to wonder what exactly this awesome lightheaded feeling that had overcome me was. I felt so great. I looked in the mirror at my eyes, and laughed. After a few moments of thinking and getting nowhere, I gave up with a shrug and decided the best thing to do would be to have some more punch.

I found Jake leaning against the door frame of the living room where a rowdy video game was being played, and on my way up to him I noticed a girl standing in front of him, smiling in his direction. When I made it to his side I wrapped my arm behind his back and smiled when his arm came around and pulled me into him. He dipped his head down and kissed my lips before looking back at the T.V. I watched him for a moment, then looked at the girl who I had noticed before and smiled when I caught her glaring daggers at me. In a moment of I'm not really sure what, I snapped my teeth at her like an animal being territorial and felt satisfied when she jumped and quickly looked away. I soon noticed my cup was empty again, which made me sad. When I showed it to Jake I made a puppy face and he said,

"Come on, I'll get you some more." I was so happy that he was going with me that I followed right along. The hallway was crowded so he went ahead with me trailing behind holding onto his hand with both of mine.

I stumbled over to the punch bowl, which was considerably lower then what I had remembered it being before, and was about to take another sip when Jake put his hand on my arm to stop me.

"Bella." His eyes were searching me, and it looked like he just realized something and he never said anything else.

"What?" I asked, and moved my cup to my other hand so I could resume taking my drink.

"There's alcohol in that." He said quickly, and I choked on what was in my mouth a little, but managed to swallow.

"Huh?" I sputtered.

"Yeah, I didn't smell in in your cup earlier because it's watered down but now that I'm right by the bowl... And look." He pointed at a bottle sitting not far from the bowl and I picked it up and read out loud,

"Captain Morgan's Parrot Bay Passion Fruit. Could they have picked a longer name?"

"Never mind the name, Bella, how much of this stuff have you had?"

"I don't know, a little, but it's okay, I feel fine." He shook his head and said,

"Maybe we should just go." I looked at him like he was crazy,

"Why? Everything's okay. I thought it my my job to play the worry wart." I teased as I stepped closer to him. I used both my hands and pushed his cheeks up so that he was no longer frowning at me and said, "Hey... There's my Happy Jakey." I laughed and slid myself into his arms and sighed. "You feel so good."

"Okay, okay, how about some fresh air?" I agreed and reached for my cup but he said, "No more." He ignored my pouting face this time and pulled me out of the back door. Once the cool air hit my skin, I realized how hot I was, and how nice it felt to be out here. Jake pulled me into a shadowy corner and took a moment to look around. Once his attention was back on me, I wasted no time in making sure that I kept it.

Our lips slid against each other in the most amazing, yet antagonizing way. Why did his kisses have to make me think of so many other things? I pushed myself into his chest and slowly scraped my nails down his shoulders to his arms. I took a hold of his bottom lip with my teeth and pulled it, so all that came out of him was,

"Mmmm!" I laughed and released him, but then I let my hands take over and I groped him through his pants, which were straining.

"How long are you going to hold out on me?" I whined. He didn't say anything. "I want you, Jake."

"Not tonight, not like this."

"And why not?" I asked while I kissed as much of his skin as I could. "I know what I want, and I'm pretty sure I know what you want too."

"You're intoxicated, I don't think you know what you want. We agreed to wait, remember?"

"Noo, you agreed to wait, but I never did. I'm tired of being told to wait, I love the way you make me feel and I want to feel it. Why must you deny me my satisfaction?"

"I can give you some satisfaction if you want it that bad, but not here."

"Then lets go." He took my keys and my hand and led me around the side of the house, pausing only to scoop me up when I began to stumble. I giggled a lot.

"You're so strong." I sighed against him.

"Is that why you love me?" I knew he was joking, but I decided to answer him anyway. We made it back to the truck and he buckled me in before getting in himself and starting it. I waited until we were driving, then I said,

"I love you because you are so good to me." He glanced at me, but I went on. "I love you because you made it to where I could feel and breathe and live again. I love that you know how to make everything better for me. I love your hair and the way I can wrap my hands in it. The way you pleasure me is phenomenal, it's no wonder I'm so addicted to it. I love everything about you that makes you you, and I wouldn't change a thing."

"Nothing?" he questioned, and I shook my head.

"I'd do anything to prove it to you. Anything to repay you, for everything you've done. I want to marry you and give you babies be successful together. I want to cook you food and rub your shoulders. I want to wake up beside you every morning, so we can start the day off the right way. I know you think I'm just saying this because I'm drunk but it's the truth. I mean it."

He didn't say anything, so I looked around to see where we were just in time to see us pulling onto my street. Once we were parked he pulled me out of the truck and pinned me against it.

"You really mean it? About, you know, loving me, and not changing anything, and the babies?"

"Yes. I love you, Jake. And I want one of each. Boy and Girl. And the only thing I want to change right now would be the articles of clothing that are currently between us."

"Only you would be able to talk like that while inebriated." He said before pressing his lips into mine. "I love you." He whispered, and I felt like I was soaring. We rushed upstairs, and I was thankful that Charlie was in bed. I didn't want to have any awkward questioning tomorrow.

Jake placed me on the bed after he removed all my clothes and began to kiss every inch of me. I closed my eyes and drifted away into a heaven of pleasure and much satisfaction. I was sure it would be best if I didn't remember most of what I was saying to him, since it consisted mostly of vows of servitude and other sexual favors. It was never easier to slip into oblivion then after Jake finished me again and again with his mouth, and I had never slept better.


	46. Chapter 46: Intuition and Jacksonville

Chapter 46: Intuition and Jacksonville

I woke groggily some hours later parched. Thankfully someone, who I assumed to be Jake, had set a glass of water on my nightstand, and I quickly drained the whole thing before flopping over and going right back to sleep.

Then next time I woke to a dull headache. I laid in bed for awhile, not wanting to move, until the need to pee over came me.

I made it downstairs and walked past Charlie to the coffee pot and saw that it was empty, I turned to him and said,

"What? No coffee?" He raised his eyebrows and said,

"I rinsed it out at Noon, since it was old. Sit down, I'll make you a fresh pot."

"Noon?" I looked at the clock and was surprised. It was half past one. "I can't believe I slept so long! I still have a bunch of stuff to do before we leave..." I thought about all the packing I still needed to do and groaned. And I needed to pick up a few things from the store on top of that.

"Actually, I was hoping maybe we could hang out for a little bit, you and me." I softened up a little and said,

"I'll be back in a week, Dad, don't start getting all emotional on me."

"I know, but that doesn't mean I won't miss you." I smiled.

"I'll miss you too, Dad." We talked some more while we waited on the coffee, and he brought it to me once it was done. When I asked him what he had in mind for us he said,

"Go on and take care of everything you need to do, I'll be here when you get back."

"Are you sure?" I questioned.

"Yeah, I'm sure."

When I made it back upstairs I picked up my cell and called Jake to see what he was doing. We decided he'd meet me here so Charlie could drive us to the airport, and I told him I couldn't wait to see him.

After that I quickly got ready and grabbed my list before heading out. My Dad hugged me tightly before I walked out the door, and for some reason, I felt dread pool in my stomach, causing me to feel slightly nauseous. I had no idea where this bad feeling was coming from, and I walked to my truck in a daze, trying to figure it out. I rolled down my window for some air, and tried to calm myself. I thought of Charlie... Some of his words floated back to me,

_'I'll be here when you get back.'_

I gasped. I would be leaving town tonight and if Victoria came by she would not be happy, and my Dad would be a prime target. I knew I couldn't cancel my plans at this point, but I couldn't leave my Dad unprotected.

Since I was already driving, I went to the only place I knew where I could find someone to help. I remembered Alice, with her foreboding message, and I felt even more sure that my gut feeling was right, and I decided it was a good thing I was listening to my intuition. I needed to look out for my Dad. Once I arrived I jumped out of the truck, leaving the keys in the ignition and the door wide open as I ran up the steps. I walked right in without knocking and called out,

"Hello?" I tried to slow down my breathing, but I had gotten myself all worked up and was having a hard time. Everything was quite, but I felt air displacement and looked to my right to see who was coming. My heart did a somersault and I gasped and jumped when I saw who was suddenly standing beside me.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you! What's wrong?" Edward asked worriedly. Why had I not thought of the possibility of seeing him here?

"Where's Alice?" I managed.

"She and Jasper went shopping, she'll be back later though, to tell you goodbye." He stopped and I mistakenly looked into his eyes, and got locked there. "Tell me what is bothering you." I took a moment, then said,

"I had a bad feeling. My Dad... I'm leaving, I... I just need to know that he will be okay. I need someone to take care of him for me, while I'm gone. I don't want anything bad..." I stopped when the tears welled in my eyes and finally looked away.

"Bella..." Edward whispered my name. I closed my eyes, the action letting a few tears free. His cold fingers brushed against my chin and I looked up at him again. "I promise you that your Dad will be fine. I will see to it myself."

"You will?" I could not deny the rush of relief that flooded through me. He palmed my cheek and said quietly,

"Yes. You have nothing to worry about." I sobbed a little, then asked,

"Why are you so willing to do this for me?" He used the tip of his finger to wipe away a tear and said,

"Bella, I would never let anything that would make you sad happen. I would have done it anyways, even if you hadn't asked." I walked forward into his arms and hugged him without thinking.

"Thank you. You don't know what this means to me." I could feel his chest expanding as he inhaled. His hands slowly made their way to my waist, and when I realized what I was doing I looked up at him. His eyes were pained, and I shook my head and stepped back. "I'm sorry, I don't know what I was thinking."

"You're fine." His hands slowly slid from my sides. "Remember, I'll take care of everything."

"Thanks." I looked around, trying to think of what to say, when he asked,

"What are your plans for your last day in town?" I gestured to my truck and said,

"A little shopping and packing, then I'm supposed to spend time with my Dad before I go."

"Ah. Well, then, when you get back, perhaps we can find the time to do something together?" He easily smiled, and I tired to do the same,

"Yeah. We'll do something fun." He nodded.

"I'll be looking forward to it. Come, I'll walk you out." He put his hand gently on the small of my back and I automatically walked out with him without even thinking about anything, other then the sensation of his cold fingers pressing into my back. When we got to the truck I looked at him thoughtfully.

"Do you think we can be friends?" Edward chuckled lightly and looked down, which caused his longer hair to fall over his eyes. I didn't like not being able to see them, so I reached up and brushed it off to one side, and teased with a smile,

"Pick-a-boo!" His hand came up and repeated the exact motion my hand had made, and he said quietly,

"Alice has been bugging me to cut it." His hand did it again.

"I like it." He finally dropped his hand and the look in his eyes spoke volumes.

"I think that it is worth trying, as long as you feel the same. About being friends, I mean." I nodded.

"It's worth a shot. And I really do owe you for looking out for my Dad..." He waved my words away with his hands, before he took each of mine in his and said,

"Sweet Bella, you owe me _nothing_." He placed a soft kiss above my right knuckles and helped me into the truck then shut my door. "I suppose this is good bye for now." He whispered. My throat closed up with emotion, and I all I could do was nod. "May I ask one thing?" I looked over at him and he slid his hand against my face and buried his fingers in my hair, holding me in place. "Promise me you will be safe..." He stopped, letting the word sink in. "And promise you will come back." I blinked a few times then said,

"Yes, of course." I cleared my throat and ignored the fact that was actually two things, but I felt compelled to agree with him. "I promise." He smiled a little, and I thought, for a moment, that he was going to kiss me. His breathing skipped to a halt, his hand tightening and pulling me closer while he leaned in... I was like a puppet in his hands, and then he slipped away so fast I didn't even have time to think about stopping him.

"Have a safe flight." He said, with his hands tucked in his pockets. I nodded, and he said, "Start the truck." I nodded again.

Right. Key. Reverse. Drive.

I was on autopilot the whole way to the store. Once I had something more to focus on, I slowly shook off my numb feeling, and went right into the guilt. My poor Jacob.

I _hate_ myself. Why did I have to be so messed up?

After I picked up all my travel size toiletries I made my way to the check outs, and smiled at Edna. We made the usual chit chat, and then she mentioned my Dad and something sparked in my mind.

"You know, I'm going out of town this weekend, to Jacksonville."

"I remember Charlie mentioning that." She said.

"Well, he will never admit to this, but he can't cook and he could use the company..."

"Don't you worry about a thing, honey, I've been taking care of him for a long time now."

"Thanks, I really appreciate it." I left with my baggies feeling a lot better then what I had when I left the house. My Dad would be fine without me, I had made sure of that.

Everything was how I left it when I got home, except that Charlie was now in the living room. I quickly got everything organized and into one large suit case, which pleased me. Right as I was finishing up I began to notice how hungry I was, which brought me down to the kitchen.

I started cooking, something to eat then, along with some stuff for him to eat while I was gone, and as soon as I was about to tell Charlie the food was done Jake walked in the door. All the knots of worry and stress that I had been holding onto melted when he smiled at me, and it was hard to even remember what that felt like. He pulled me tight against him and held me there for a minute. After he had taken a few deep breaths I looked up at him.

"You okay?" I asked.

"Yeah. I missed you." I smiled and gave him a small kiss.

"I missed you, too. But you know you didn't have to leave... I miss sleeping with you at night." I turned back to the stove and he said,

"Well, what's gonna happen at your Moms? Is she going to let me sleep in the bed with you?"

"I'd bet not." I said, truthfully.

"Didn't think so." I sighed, but when I felt his hands sliding around my waist I relaxed back into him. "It's hard for me too, Bella. When I roll over, and you aren't there... I can tell something is missing. Though I bet you slept good last night after all that 'punch' you had." He said, laughing.

"Shh!" I looked around him to see if Charlie was in ear shot.

"It's okay, he's in the living room with the T.V. On, he can't hear anything we are saying."

"Well, yes, I slept fine, thank you. I had a little bit of a headache this morning, but that was all. Not bad for my first time drinking, huh?"

"Not bad at all. You sure were loquacious. And here I was, all prepared to hold your hair back, but all you wanted was to get me in bed..." His lips descended onto my neck and I shivered. "Do you remember everything?" I tried to sound normal when I said,

"Yes." He was barely touching me with his lips so I cocked my head to the side to give him better access. His small laugh tickled but the heat of his mouth wrapped around my sensitive skin was spectacular. When he began sucking and pulling my eyes rolled into the back of my head and I said, "Yes!" again, not even caring that I sounded breathless.

"Here comes Charlie." He whispered in my ear, then he was gone. I stirred something to make myself look busy and I heard Jake looking in the refrigerator so I hoped he didn't suspect anything when he walked in.

"Smells good." He said like always.

"It's ready, grab the plates." I was happy to sit down with my men, and as I settled in I realized that I had gotten used to this. We had good food and good conversation, and I thought it was over too soon, but we stayed at the table, talking, for awhile after.

The phone rang so I jumped up and said,

"Hello?"

"Hey Bella! I called to let you know I'll give you a ride to the airport, Charlie will be fine with it." Alice, of course. I just laughed a bit and said,

"Sounds great. My flight leaves at..." She broke in and said,

"I know, Bella. I'll see you soon!" I looked at my Dad as I sat the phone back in the cradle,

"Um, that was Alice. She said she'd give us a ride to the airport, if that is okay with you." He nodded and said,

"That's fine." I snagged him a beer and handed it to him. I looked at Jake and even though he didn't look very happy, he wasn't saying anything. We all sat in the kitchen for awhile until it was finally time to leave. Alice honked and waved from the car when she arrived and I watched as Jake shook Charlies' hand then grabbed my suitcase and his duffel bag and made his way down to the car. I hugged him tightly, and even though he was trying to hide it, I knew he was sad to see me leave.

"I'll be back soon." I promised, and and he said,

"Yeah, I know. You better be good for your mother. And enjoy your self. Get some sun." He nudged me with his arm.

"I will." I was trying not to cry.

"I'm not really good with goodbyes and all, so, that'll do, pig." I laughed, and he kissed my forehead.

"Bye, Dad. I love you." As I hurried away, I heard him call out that he loved me too. When I made it to the car Jake opened the door for me and I finally let myself cry. He didn't ask me any stupid questions, he just held me and wiped away my tears as they fell.

The drive took awhile, and I almost fell asleep with Jake holding me and keeping me so warm. He kept his face buried in my hair, breathing in deeply. When we arrived, the goodbye with Alice was easier then with my Dad, and I was happy to have the distraction of security then boarding to keep my mind off of it. I had never flown before, and while I felt nervous, I had Jake to hold my hand, so I wasn't giving it much thought... Until take off.

The first few bumps weren't so bad, but when the speed was up and the whole thing was shaking, I could feel myself about to panic, but Jake helped but tracing circles on my palm with his fingers. I closed my eyes and focused only on him and what he was doing.

"What letter is this?" he asked, and I could feel the tickle of his finger drawing out the letter "B" which I said. "Yep. This one?" He drew an "E."

"You are spelling my name." I stated, and he laughed.

"Okay, see if you can guess this." He did something but I couldn't tell. He did it again, and I followed his movements with my minds eye.

"A heart?" I questioned, and he said,

"Yes." Then he quickly traced a "J." I looked at him,

"You are right, I do heart you." We both laughed and we stayed locked in each others eyes until the Captain spoke and said that everything was fine, and told us to enjoy the ride. I peaked out of my window at the distant street lights before looking back at him. "Thanks for getting me through that. I don't know what I would do without you." I leaned toward him and he bent his neck so I could kiss him. I lost my self for a moment, loving the way his mouth felt against mine. Jake seemed to have more control over himself and pulled back before I could get too caught up and gave me a kiss on the forehead. I gave him a sad face, but he offered me some peanuts, which helped my ears to pop, so I forgave him and consented to dreaming about all the things I was going to do to him when I finally got the chance.

The rest of the flight was uneventful, and I dozed on and off. Landing was much worse, and I was very thankful to step off the plane and into my mother's arms. We squeezed each other tightly for a long time, tears streaming out of both our eyes, until we were able to look at each other. She smoothed my hair back while I fixed the straps of her top which were sliding off of her bony shoulders.

"I missed you so much, baby." She hugged me again and I said,

"I know, Mommy, I missed you too." It amazed me that I had gone so long without a hug from her, and now she was here so I didn't want to stop, but I remembered Jake. I pulled away but kept one arm around her. "Mom, this is my Jake." She gave him a beautiful smile then seemed to make up her mind and she gave him a hug. She quickly introduced Phil who also gave me a hug and Jake a quick handshake. He suggested we get our bags and the guys led the way as me and my Mom fell back a little. As soon as she thought we were out of ear shot, (for Phil, maybe, but not for Jake,) she looked at me and gave me the classic,

"_Oh my God!"_ while her eyes rolled over to Jake. I smiled and said,

"I know!" and we both laughed. Jake acted like he heard nothing, and didn't even look back at us.

"You like him so far, though, right?" I had to ask, and I wanted Jake to know what I already did. She smiled and nodded.

"Yes. He seems great." I agreed,

"He is, Mom, he really is." I heard Jake telling Phil not to worry about carrying anything, but he insisted. Jake walked back over with his duffel and my large suitcase, and Phil was carrying a similar gray luggage bag, which I knew wasn't mine. After I pointed that out, he showed me on the ticket where it had my name, Swan, Bella, and my flight number printed. Suddenly, I understood and I looked at Jake and said,

"Alice." With a head shake. My mom looked confused, so I said, "My friend who likes to shop. She, er, probably thought I needed some extra things." She seemed to understand that and didn't press anything as we made our way out to their car.

I had to admit I was surprised by the heat in the air, even though it was early morning. I was afraid of what it would feel like during the day. I looked over at Jake and smiled, hoping that he doing okay, but his easy smile put me at ease as my Mom and I walked arm in arm while she chatted away. On the drive to her house, she sat in the front but spent the whole time either looking back at me or pointing places out that she wanted to take me. Her excitement was contagious, and I felt my self feeling pretty awake even though it was in the wee hours of the morning by my time. It was weird to think about the time change, but it was almost sunrise in Jacksonville, and I was ready for today. I put my hand on Jake's leg and squeezed, before smiling my happiness at him.

I loved the house they had found, and it was very much suited to my mother. As she showed us around I couldn't help but notice that she was finally in her element. And I felt that no matter what I had to go through, to be able to see her so happy was worth it.

She briefly explained the alarm system, along with the code in case we needed it. We followed her upstairs where she showed us the bathroom we would be using along with "Bella's bedroom" where she had went full scale and decorated the whole room in a way that I had to admit that I liked.

It had a nice full size bed covered in light bedding that was a green forest pattern, you could see the trees and everything, and at the bottom a family of lions were curled around each other. The rest of the room was white, with a huge window facing the back yard (which had a pool) and had floating green lanterns in both corners, which cast a nice ambiance over the room. There were pictures of me throughout all stages of my life in frames everywhere, which I felt a little embarrassed at when I saw Jake studying them intently.

I was ready to go back downstairs so I told my Mom we were hungry, which excited her and she rushed downstairs telling me not to worry, that she would make me breakfast just the way I liked it. I laughed when it turned out that I apparently liked my eggs to be burnt and soggy at the same time, and my bacon so crunchy that it breaks apart when you take a bite. I managed to save the toast, so I put strawberry jelly on it and joked with my mom about her terrible cooking. After we were done eating she told me she had to work today since she couldn't find a substitute, but that she would keep trying to get the rest of the week off. I said,

"Mom, it's fine, I understand you have to work. I'm starting to feel the jet lag right now anyway, I think we could use a few hours of sleep." Jake nodded in agreement. Renee said,

"Okay well, Jake, you can use the pull out sofa in the living room, it looks comfy. I can help you both get settled in before I leave." Jake said his thanks, but I decided it would be worth a shot, even if Jake didn't seem to mind.

"Mom, I would really like it if Jake and I could sleep in the same bed together. I'm kinda used to it." I knew it was best to be up front with her. She calmly said,

"You father didn't mention it." I laughed,

"That's because Dad doesn't know. But I don't think I have to hide it from you. We can even sleep in the living room if it would make you feel better. I promise nothing will happen, we are waiting." She looked shocked, even a little disbelieving,

"You mean, you haven't..?" I shook my head,

"No, no. We have... But we decided to wait. Until we get married." There. I said that dreaded word, right in front of her. How was it that Jake seemed to know that the warmth and slight pressure of his hand on my leg under that table was all I needed to be able to stay clam? I waited for what she would say, which wasn't bad at all.

"Alright then, go ahead and use the room upstairs. I trust you both." She said simply, and I smiled.

"Thanks, Mom." I got up and so did she and we hugged again. She held me at arms length after a moment and said,

"When I get home, I want some quality Mother Daughter time. Okay?" I nodded, knowing that's when the real talk would happen and said,

"That sounds great."

There wasn't much help she could give, and soon her and Phil were giving another round of hugs before they each went about their normal day; Renee to teach kindergarten, and Phil to practice with his team. She said they'd be home by four, then we could "start having fun." I told her I was looking forward to it.

When Jake and I finally collapsed onto the bed together, I let out a sigh of relief, and almost fell right to sleep. I wrapped myself up in Jake and kissed him thoroughly before asking,

"What do you think?" He rubbed his hot hands up and down my arm.

"I think your Mom is awesome, and Phil and I have some stuff in common, he seems like a great guy. He loves your Mom." I agreed,

"I know, I really think he is the best thing for her. I can tell she is so happy here. I'm happy for her." I was getting heated from being so close to Jake in the already humid air, so I stood to take off my clothes and get into some more comfortable ones. Jake got up and said he was going to find the thermostat because he was burning up, and he turned on the ceiling fan as well, before he stripped down to his boxers. I just slipped off my shirt as he turned his attention back to me, showing him yet another recent addition to my panty drawer, and I could feel his eyes burning into me. He licked his lips and when I started moving closer to him he swallowed. I smiled.

"Do you like?" It was red this time, not very lacy or anything, and surprisingly comfortable. His eyes were still raking me up and down as he nodded. I slowly reached behind me and popped the clasp, but I held my arms to my chest, not letting it fall just yet. "Do you mind if I wear your shirt?"

"Sure." He scrambled to pick it up off the floor and held it out to me, but far enough away so that I would have to stretch out my arms, which I did. I let the straps slide off and I walked forward and took the shirt from him. I pressed myself against his chest and met his lips that were already searching mine out. I wiggled against him, brushing his erection and causing him to groan. He lifted me up, and soon we were horizontal on the bed, and his mouth left mine to greet the rest of my body. I loved the feel of his lips wrapped around my nipple, while his hands massaged and rolled my breasts in his huge hands, making me moan out loud. Upon the realization that I didn't have to be quite for any reason, I held nothing back. I let my hips push themselves up into his crotch while I shouted words of encouragement. My hands were in his hair, pulling him closer to me.

"Please don't stop, it feels so good to _feel _you." He moaned in agreement, and he slid further down my body.

"It's always so great to taste you." He settled between my legs. "I constantly crave this. Just thinking about it makes my mouth water." He made quick work of my panties and gave me one long lick.

"Oh, Jake! Please! I need more."

"God, I love it when you beg." His mouth attacked me and I wailed in pleasure.

"Yes, right there, please don't stop." He broke away to say,

"Never." Then continued. I kept talking, telling him I was already close,

"Soo close... Oh!" I gasped as he sneaked a finger in and I came undone. He kept me going, drinking me in as I gushed around him. I shook and trembled as I finished, and when he retreated, making his way back up my body the same way he went down, I was eager to give him something back in return. I wished that I was strong enough to actually flip him over, but when I pushed him he knew what I wanted and spun us around, so that I was on top of him.

"My turn." I whispered in his ear, before nibbling on it, then slowly made my way down his body. His skin is so beautiful, and I relished in the sounds I caused him to make. He was practically dragging my mouth down to him, and when I gave in and engulfed him he quivered, and began speaking,

"That feels so fucking good, Bella." I worked out the perfect rhythm so I could breathe and keep bobbing my head up and down while my hand pumped him continuously. I made sure I did it the same way he did the time I watched, and it wasn't long til his moans were even more strained and he gasped, "Bella... I'm about to come!" I moaned, sending vibrations through him and kept going, hoping he would just let go. He tried to stop me, "Bella, you don't have to." I quickly pulled back but kept my hand going,

"Are you going to be able to go to sleep with this?" I asked, squeezing him for emphasis, then said, "And besides, I want to." I put my mouth back on him and he relaxed onto the bed and let his hands fist in my hair. I went at it, working through my aching jaw and sore arm muscles, I didn't care, I just wanted to do this for him.

"Twist your hand as you go up." he hissed, and I did what he said. "Ahh, yes. And slow your mouth down just a bit..." I did, making sure to flatten my tongue against him as I tightened my lips and drug out the sensation as much as I could. I could feel him straining, and I felt him grow impossibly bigger in my mouth. "Get ready..." He panted and I redoubled my efforts, knowing we were so close and he finally let out a shuddering, "Here it comes!" Then he did. He came and came, and I didn't stop, I kept it up, barely having a chance to breathe before I had to swallow again and again. His hips seemed to take over and he gave in to the need to thrust, which caused him to push in too far and I gagged. He immediately pulled back with an apology, but he was trying to catch his breath so it came in pieces.

When he was finally finished, I quickly went to the restroom where I used some mouthwash before heading back to bed. I snuggled up to Jake and he said,

"So..." And I had to laugh.

"It wasn't that bad." I said, truthfully. "Kinda salty, actually. Why?" This time he laughed and said,

"I just wondered. Would you be willing to do that again?" I nodded.

"If you earn it." I teased, and he rolled us over so that he was looking down at me.

"You are the most amazing woman I have ever met. And you give the world's best blow job. I'm so happy I've got you." He kissed me sweetly, and when he pulled back I agreed.

"Yep, you've really got a hold on me, that's for sure. I love you." I told him, and he kissed my cheek and relaxed beside me as he said,

"I love you, too. Now sleep, Miss 'I can't be in the bed alone.'"

"Hehe. I'm so glad you are here." I rolled so that I was facing him, and once we were properly wrapped around each other, I started to drift.

"Me too." he whispered right before I fell asleep.

Last thought after a long day; I felt at home, even in Florida, as long as I had Jake with me.

~*~

A/N: I am sorry, as usual, for how long this took. (21st birthday and my hectic life made it hard.) But I wanted to say I will probably sum up the trip in the next chapter or two, so I can get to working on finishing this thing (and hopefully make you all happy.) Also, I really really want a beta! Someone who wants to fix all my missed typos and annoying things that I catch when I go back and re-read what I posted a few days later. I want to go back and fix all the chapters, but I just don't have the time and it feels like I'm working backwards. I know someone wants to tackle this monster with me!

Anywho, please let me know what you think about everything so far and let me know if there is anything in particular you want to read!

~Jessica


	47. Chapter 47: Expressions

Chapter 47: Expressions

I jumped awake and sat up, gasping, while Jake's shirt clung to my sweat drenched body. For a moment I didn't know where I was, and I was about to panic, then I felt his hand sliding over my back and I spun around to face him, before falling on his chest, tears spilling. His body was tensed, and I pulled away to look at him, only to see him looking anywhere else but at me. I didn't understand what happened.

"Jake?" He finally looked at me, but his eyes were like stones. I physically backed away, and he noticed, but thankfully didn't mention it.

"What were you dreaming about, Bella?" his voice was cold like an icicle, sharp and stinging. My mind flashed to Edward's face and I could feel the blood draining from mine.

"I don't remember." I whispered.

"Liar," he stated, and I felt exposed.

"What did I say?" I asked, and he scoffed.

"A lot more then what you do when you are awake," he mumbled, and I reached for his arm but he sat back against the headboard and crossed his arms over his chest and stared straight ahead. "You said his name, but you were calling for him, asking him for help. Then you said, 'poor Jacob.'" He glared at me. "What is that supposed to mean? Don't you know what that sounds like?"

He was almost yelling, and I said, "Jake, it's okay, calm down."

He shot up off of the bed and said, "Do not tell me to calm down, I am calm. I haven't even begun to lose my temper!" I swallowed and nodded. I knew at this point, I was just going to have to come clean, because it was _not _what he was thinking. He jerked on his sweat pants and I hurriedly spoke.

"Okay, listen..." I explained what happened yesterday, about my bad feeling, and about running into Edward at his house. "I was just asking him to look after Charlie while I was gone, I didn't want anything to happen to him."

He interrupted me, "If you were worried, why didn't you find me? Why did you go to _him _of all the... things!"

I glared because I knew that was not what he was about to say. "I didn't purposely seek him out, I went there looking for Alice. That is the truth. I was shocked when I saw him there, and he let me know that Alice was out shopping, which is what led to the addition to my luggage. But since he was there, I did talk to him about it, and he told me not to worry. That was all."

He started pacing, and he said, "Bella, I already had Billy work it out with Sam so that Charlie would be covered while I was away. Did you think I would just leave without a second thought about him? I've known him my whole life, he's like family."

My eyes slid down to my lap since I didn't have an answer to give him.

"I still don't get why you didn't tell me you were worried. I could have been the one to calm your fears, to fix things. That is my job, not his!"

I stood as well, "Jake, you do all those things! And then some. He's not taking your place or anything like that. You are the one who is here with me, you are who I want..."

He stopped me again by taking one huge step towards me before he had my arms locked in both of his hands. "Is that why I'm here? Really?"

I stared right at his face, "Yes! Have I not been making myself clear? Have you not been paying any attention to what is right in front of you?" I lowered my voice, and tried to sound normal as I asked, "Do I honestly make you feel loved?"

His eyes rounded, then his hands loosened on my arms, and he bowed his head. "You do. I just didn't know what to do when I heard that... I thought... That you were planning on leaving me."

I shook my head and cupped his face in my hands, making him look at me. "Never. Don't ever think that. You don't have to worry about me leaving you. It won't happen. You'd have to leave me."

He shook his head this time, "Nothing could make me."

I leaned closer to him. "Then why are we fighting about this? We are obviously stuck with each other."

"Promise?" he asked, and I smiled at him before kissing him softly and saying,

"Yes. I promise."

He hugged me and said, quietly, "I'm sorry."

I squeezed him, "Don't be. I should have told you in the first place. I am the one who is sorry. But I hope I made it better... I love you." His hands were roaming me, and I could feel his heart pounding in his chest.

"Bella... You are mine. And I feel like proving it right now..." His lips descended on mine, and every part of my body started singing out in happiness. Suddenly he grasped my hips and tossed me back on the bed and stepped back out of his pants. I was wet in about point one seconds, and when Jake's hand slid under his shirt and to my core, he grinned in approval. I moaned at the feeling of his fingers, but out of impatience, because I wanted to feel something better...

Then I heard the opening of the front door, and the beeping of the alarm system, followed by my Mom's laughter as she put in the code. Jake quickly retracted himself and we fled to the bathroom. I poked my head down the stairs and said, "Hey Mom. We, uh, just woke up, and were about to hop in the shower."

I winced but she said, "Okay! I'll get you both something to eat!"

I said thanks and hurried into the bathroom with Jake, who had found some fluffy white towels and laid them out for us. I reached in the shower and started the water while Jake said, "Even though that was a total cock-block, your Mom is way cool."

My laugh turned into a giggle as his hands slipped underneath the shirt I was still wearing and grasped at my cheeks.

"She's more like my sister." I said, and he mumbled,

"Hmm?" I laughed because I knew he wasn't listening and stood to face him. I stripped off the shirt and asked, "Enjoying the view?" He nodded.

I _loved _the look he got on his face when he was looking at me. It was like he was starving, and I was the main course. He was already naked, and one look at his crotch showed he was hard and straining towards me. I reached my hand out towards him and it twitched, making me jump back like before. We both laughed hard and in a matter of seconds I was wrapped up in his arms as he lifted me and walked into the shower stall while I pulled the curtain shut behind him. I slid down and quickly took advantage of the girl's first thing and stood under the water to get my hair wet. I let my eyes close as the water beat down on my head, relaxing and cleansing me at the same time. After I was nice and wet I opened my eyes to find Jakes' on me, and I felt my face heat up a little from how intense it was. We did a semi-awkward switch, what with his hard on, and all.

My eyes roamed the bottles that were lined up in here, and I was happy to see she had got my favorite shampoo, the one that smells like coconuts, and I quickly grabbed it and began scrubbing my head. We soon did another switch and I finally had to ask.

"Are you, um, going to do anything? About that." I let my eyes drop down to his cock then back up to his eyes. I waited while he laughed.

"I guess I'm gonna have to." His hand grasped himself firmly and I gasped. "What?" He questioned.

"I like to watch you," I whispered, which made him smile. "Can I help?"

He groaned but shook his head.

"I just want to watch you. Go ahead. Take your shower." His eyes were alight with desire, and I knew if I touched him he would cave, be like putty in my hand, but I did what he said. I relaxed back into the water and washed the shampoo out quickly, then put on some conditioner. I let that sit while I lathered up my loofah, (My Mom really thought of everything,) all while watching him discreetly. His hand pumped hard and fast, and when I started to wash my breasts and arms he plastered his free hand on the wall for support. It didn't take me long until I was done and ready to rinse off, and it was then that Jake finally shuddered out my name in a quiet breath, and his body shook as the first spurt shot out of him. I watched, mesmerized, as he pointed it away but kept his eyes on me. After a few seconds he stopped, breathing a little quicker then normal, still watching me. He quirked an eyebrow at me, and in response I threw my still soapy body at his and kissed him passionately. His hands gently pried me off and he said, "Hurry, we are gonna run out of hot water."

I huffed but did hurry and finish so he could take his. "I'll go lay you out some clothes, okay?" Before I could step out he swept me up for a kiss and I swatted his tempting hands away.

"Stop being a tease." I mock scolded him, so he smacked my butt as I hopped out.

"Ah!" I yelled, and he let out his bark like laugh. "I'll get you back for that," I warned, then rushed off to our room.

When I shut the door I looked around and saw the suitcases, and decided to take this chance to see what Alice had packed me. I had to bite my tongue when I unzipped it. Did she put anything in here that was remotely meant to cover one's flesh? Judging by the bikinis and other skimpy clothing, I thought not. I did find a cute two piece, it was a dark brown with a little blue and white beading in accenting places. I looked over at the window, thinking about the pool out side, and decided this would work. And I could shock Jake.

I smiled evilly as I quickly got dressed with the two piece hidden underneath and laid out something for Jake to wear. This was definitely going to be a good day.

~Renee POV~

Phil and I made a bunch of different sandwiches, I added in a few extra for Jacob since he looked like he could put them away, and we ate while we waited. When we heard Bella's shouts and giggles drifting down the stairs, my wonderful husband turned to me with an upraised eyebrow and asked, "So are you really okay with what's going on? Or are you just playing 'cool Mom' to make up for not being there?"

I sighed, and started drifting around the kitchen, grabbing a glass from the cabinet and filling it with ice. I knew Phil was just keeping me grounded and in touch with myself, but I wasn't sure if I even knew the answer to that yet. I evaded, "She's eighteen."

He nodded, "She is. So?"

I watched as he splashed some alcohol into my glass before filing it halfway with orange juice, then he added some peach juice.

"I wish you'd let me avoid a question every now and then."

I took a long sip and said, "Oh, that's good."

He stepped forward and let his arm snake around my waist and pull me up to him.

I sighed and vented my feelings, "I just want to see her happy, and when I look at her, I think that she is. And who am I to stop young love? She is right, I'm not Charlie, we can talk about things and I won't freak since I can accept that she has grown up. I love her, and I've missed her... I just want to talk to her."

He hugged me and said, "I understand. Let them eat, then I'll do something with Jake. We can, I don't know, have a 'guy' talk."

I smiled up at him, "Thank you."

His hand strayed to my hair and picked at the paint while I took another sip.

"You have blue in your hair," he stated, and I nodded.

"Mm. Timothy. That kid flings more stuff then any other I've ever met." I shook my head, but it triggered a minor headache, so I took another sip, which made me feel so much better. "This is very yummy," I stated, and he pushed me against the counter.

"So are you." I willing let myself mesh against him, and he kissed away my worries. My hand reached behind and expertly set my glass on the counter so I could have both hands free. Moments later I was perched on top of the counter also with him pushing his way between my legs and up my skirt.

"Should we do this now?" I breathed while he suckled gently on my neck. I had to remind myself that we didn't have the house to ourselves anymore.

"Not here." He whispered. Then, "Laundry room." He threw me up on his shoulder and I surprised myself by letting out a giggle quite like my daughter had, but I quickly banished that thought from my head. Phil shut the door to the dryer that still contained a load of towels and sat me on top. His hands quickly slid my underwear off and dropped them to the floor. He wasted no more time and dropped his pants out of the way before burying himself deep inside me. I let my head fall back and I relaxed into his arms as they wrapped around me, holding me in place. The next couple of minutes were filled with quick breathing and soft moans, finally punctuated with sighs of completion.

I had just managed to clean up and walk out right as they came walking down the stairs and I quickly rushed over to the counter where my drink was and smiled. My heart seemed to constrict at the sight of the lovely woman who walked in, followed by her soon to be husband. She was smiling, and that fact brought me more happiness then anything else.

"Hey, baby," I said and I hugged her tightly, even though I knew she thought I was acting crazy.

"I'm not a baby, Mom," she mumbled into my shoulder, and I disagreed.

"You'll always be my baby girl." I let her go and said, "Now eat."

Jacob had already found the food and was munching along, and he offered her a half as she took a seat next to him, and I did the same next to Phil. I was glad I had already eaten, so I was able to pay attention to them now. They were in perfect sync, and I didn't even think they noticed it.

It was amazing, like choreography, the way they revolved around each other. They shared a bottle of water, Jacob would take a sip then offer it to Bella, who would sit it back down until he repeated the process.

I could tell that despite his size, Jacob had a grace, an elegance about him. And the tender way he treated Bella made him seem like such a sweetheart. He was completely in tune with her, but it was like second nature for him.

I read their body language, seeing how easily she leaned to the side and let her arm rest on his leg, while he threw an arm over the back of her chair and idly played with her hair. Most of their conversations were held in expressions, or with their eyes. A few mumbles of 'mmhum' or a nod, maybe a laugh, and that was it. I completely missed what they were talking about. I glanced at Phil and while he was watching them to, he seemed a bit wary of something, and I looked back and I felt it to. It was like I was missing something...

Something that was right in front of me, but I couldn't figure it out. I had never seen Bella so comfortable with anyone. She was at peace when he was near, that was obvious, and I became more curious to see what would happen when I got her alone. I realized Jacob was already done and I cleared my throat, bringing Phil out of his thoughts and he casually said, "Hey Jake, lets go out back, I'll show you around."

He caught right on and said, "Sure thing." He took a moment to look into her eyes, gave her a quick kiss, then turned and made himself follow Phil, looking back until he was out of sight. I looked at Bella to see her face looking stricken, like she had lost hold of something vital. I sighed as I realized I was right.

This was far from over. Right at that moment, she made eye contact with me. We both knew it was finally time to talk. I drained half of my drink which thankfully erased the last edges of my headache then asked as I swirled around the melting ice, "So, you really love him?"

~Bella POV~

I still hated the sight of Jacob walking away from me, even though I knew he wasn't going anywhere. I wished I was better... But I knew that truthfully, I still had a long way to go, and I was pretty sure my Mom could see that. My eyes snapped to her, and she sighed.

"So, you really love him?"

I smiled a little and nodded, "More then anything." I knew Jake could hear, and she asked the one question that I not only didn't want to answer, but I hardly knew myself.

"What about the other one?"

I knew she was just cutting to it, but I didn't want to do this here. "Lets go upstairs and talk." Thankfully she agreed and we went into my room, where I flipped on the radio to a random station. I sat on the bed next to her and let out a sigh.

"Do you think it's possible to love two people?"

She nodded, "Of course, I've loved many different men over the years."

"What about at the same time?"

She looked sympathetic and said, "No, I can't say I've had that problem. But Bella, you can only choose one."

"I know, believe me. But it doesn't stop me from feeling how I do. And from hurting the ones I do love." I pulled my knees up and wrapped my arms around them. "You know he came back. To Forks."

"Yeah. How is that working out?"

I shook my head. "We are trying to be friends. Only I have no idea how to be. And I'm with Jake, completely, don't get me wrong. I know it sounds weird, but even though I love them both, I know that Jake is who I should be with. He is the best thing for me. Edward, he's just my past. All I can do is try to move on." I knew it sounded like I was trying to convince her and myself also, but I knew she got it.

"And having Jake around helps," she stated, and I laughed.

"Oh, yeah." I thought for a moment, then continued. "He saved me, Mom. In more ways then one. You don't even know... I owe him so much. And I know you think we are crazy for wanting to get married so young, but I need this. I need it set in stone, that we are together, and always will be. He needs it too."

She studied me for awhile then asked, "Do you remember, when you were eight, what you kept talking about?" I shook my head and she said, "California."

"Oh yeah." I smiled, as I remembered.

"You wanted to move there so bad. You were saving up change in a piggy bank and everything, and I remember you telling me, 'Mom, I'm moving there when I'm old enough, no matter what.' But that was ten years ago, and things change so much between then and now that you don't even _remember_ wanting something so badly, much less even want it anymore. Unless you haven't told me about any moving plans?" she joked, and I shook my head.

"Nope, not moving to California. I like Forks." At her skeptical look I said, "The rain can grow on you. And I see what you are getting at. But Mom, I'm not eight, and this is a little different. Jake and I both want this, and I know that I still will in ten, even twenty years from now."

She smiled and her hand cupped my cheek, "It's just that sometimes I wonder if I should have kept you with me, then none of this would have ever happened. We could have made it work and you would have continued to have a normal life." Her eyes slid away, and I knew this was something she had been beating herself up about.

"Mom, I wouldn't change anything that has happened." I felt a bit of an epiphany coming on, and I looked in her eyes. "I think every thing does happen for a reason. Every decision we have made has led us where we are, and I can't bring myself to regret that. And I don't want you to, either. I think we both turned out okay." I was mainly referring to the guys down stairs.

She seemed really touched and said, "You were always so grown up, Bella. Even when you were little."

I took a breath and decided to ask for it. "So what do you really think, about me marrying Jake? Be honest."

She shrugged and said, "I don't really know what to think, other then you seem right for each other. I can tell he loves you, and that you care for him. But I get the feeling I am missing something important when I look at both of you."

My heart slowed and I realized that I had been numbed by Charlie; My Mom was very intuitive. I couldn't bring myself to speak, and it seemed that my silence answered her question, and she continued without waiting for a response.

"If only you could see the way you are when you are with him, as opposed to how you are when he's not beside you." I nodded, and she cupped my face, "But if you love him, and want to marry him, that I will support you completely."

I was a little shocked. She gave me a questioning look so I said, "But it's just that when I was younger, you were always so against marriage... I never planned on getting married, ever."

She surprised me again by laughing, and wrapped her arms around her legs, just like me. "Yeah, I was unfortunately bitter back in those days," she reflected. "I wasn't aware that it had rubbed off on you... But most of what I was saying wasn't true. If I really thought that marriage was a terrible thing, then why would I have married Phil? I just had to find my life mate, and once I did, being married is like second nature for us. Not like before, when it felt forced, and hard."

"Yeah." And I could understand what she was saying. I was glad that she wasn't against this like I had thought she would be. "I really glad you found Phil."

"Why did you have to grow up so fast?" She looked like she was going to cry and I hugged her.

"It's okay Mom, I'm still your baby. And you and Phil can have one if you want." She pulled back and said,

"Uh, no thank you. You are my one and only. But I'm not opposed to grandchildren." She nudged me and I hoped that my face didn't go white. I still hadn't started, and I was beginning to get worried... But it had been awhile since we had been together like that, so I quickly said,

"Not yet. Maybe after the wedding." I tried to joke.

She agreed, and then said, "Wanna go find the boys? We should do something fun tonight, whatever you want to do, you name it."

The thought made me happy. "I don't know, but lets go, I'm sure we can all think of something." We held hands as we walked back downstairs, and I listened to her naming off a bunch of different things, while I had to stop my feet from running back to Jake.

~Jacob POV~

The water was freezing by the time I turned it off and hurried into the clothes Bella got for me. She had just began brushing her hair and I watched her while I got myself ready. I tried not to remember the way the soap suds looked as they slid down her body, and the shape of her breasts as she lifted up her arms to wash her hair... Ugh, I have to stop or I will get another boner!

Soon we were on our way downstairs, and I had to admit that I was beginning to feel more at ease about being here, despite the sleep talking incident. I really am working on my insecurities, I swear. As we turned the corner I lost myself in the smell of Bella wafting back to me, and my mouth started to water. My hands unconsciously reached for her, wanting to touch her, but we were now in the kitchen, and another smell was reaching me.

Sex. I tired not to smirk as I gave the nod to Phil and we shared a mental high five. The sandwiches were good and I scarfed them down in no time, even though Renee was studying us both carefully. I let her look, I didn't mind. I wanted her to see how we were, I knew she would make her own assumptions no matter what. I had already made mine, of course.

When I first saw her Mom my first thought was "Oh yeah." Her Mom was smokin', and I mean that in the best way possible. Bella looked a lot like her in some ways, and I took that as a good sign. It meant she would age just as well, and can I just say I can not wait to tear up my little MILF Bella one day. Though that would require making her a Mom, and that thought sent my mind reeling in directions I tired not to let it go... Right as I started to picture a pregnant Bella in my head (again) her Mom cleared her throat and I almost jumped. Phil took the cue and I had no choice but to go.

I looked at Bella, sending her my love, and gave her a brief kiss before following Phil. He led me to what was the back porch, but it had been screened in and had a pool table in the middle and a bar long one side, with a door leading outside to the pool on the other wall. He stepped behind the bar and began mixing something, and while I was trying to carry on a conversation with him, my ears were glued to what they were saying in the kitchen.

I asked him where he learned to make drinks, and he thankfully he started on a long story about bar tending in collage and I let him ramble. I waited with bated breath to hear what Bella's answer would be to the first question and I wasn't disappointed.

"More then anything," she said, and I wished I was next to her so I could kiss her again, but I reminded myself to claim it later.

"What about the other one?" My heart pounded and my fists clenched.

As if Bella could feel my reaction she said, "Lets go upstairs and talk." I knew she didn't want me to listen, but I couldn't help it that I had super hearing, and part of me wanted to know what she would say to her Mom since it might be different from what she tells me. But once she got upstairs a radio turned on and everything they said was drowned out. I sighed an decided I might as well pay attention to what he was saying, since I was going to have to talk to him.

Too bad I had missed most of what he just said. But the good thing about being a guy is that you don't mind if someone wasn't listening, so I asked, "So, you like baseball?"

He launched off again, and I settled into a comfy lawn chair and talked about sports, our girls, and working out. I decided Phil was an alright guy, and I hoped the feeling was mutual.

Thankfully it wasn't long 'til I could hear them coming back down, and I felt my heart speed up. She was getting closer, I could almost smell her. I tired to look relaxed, but I think Phil could tell something was different, so I looked towards the door way, giving them away. Both our eyes were on them as soon as they walked in, and I smiled at Bella when I saw her beaming face as she almost skipped over to me. I proceeded to pull her down on my lap so I could kiss her, not caring who could see. She pulled back and smiled at me, and I ran my hands along her hair, just enjoying the feel of her being near me again.

"My Mom said we should do something fun tonight."

I nodded,"Whatever you want, honey." Damn, I sounded like a love sick little boy. She glanced over at her Mom but saw she was still greeting her husband and she snuggled closer and kissed me softly. I stayed still, not wanting to react, lest things get inappropriate.

She rested her head on my shoulder, and she mumbled, "Is it bad that I missed you?" Just loud enough for me to hear, and I sighed.

"No, because I missed you, too." Her hand rubbed my cheek, and I closed my eyes at the sensation of her cool hand on my skin. "I don't care what we do tonight, as long as I am with you." I moved my hand from my side to the small of her back, and before I could reply her Mom spoke, causing her to turn around so she could talk to her, which also made her brush against my crotch. I did my best to not think about hot things like Bella and the fact that she was rather hot herself, and the fact that she was sitting right on top of my... Oh no, stop! Stopstopstop!

I heard Bella say something like, "... sounds good." She faced me. "What do you think, Jake? Wanna jump in the pool?"

I nodded and mumbled, "Awesome." And much to my relief Renee and Phil untangled themselves from their own lawn chair and went upstairs to get into their suits. As soon as her Mom was out of sight Bella spun around and straddled my hips before kissing me half to death. My hands were officially uncontrollable, and wanted to find her skin more then anything else. Before they could make much head way Bella started to remove herself, much to my displeasure. I whined and she smiled devilishly, which caught my attention. What was she going to do? She snagged my hand and I stood and let her lead me out to the back patio before she turned and faced me.

With her eyes glued to me, and mine obviously glued to her, she slowly drew her shirt up, and I had to adjust myself because it was becoming painful, I mean she was practically giving me a strip tease. She smiled, and quickly pealed the shirt off, and I feasted on what I saw. It was a bikini top, something I am sure Bella would never buy herself, and I hated to admit that the little pixie vampire had taste. It was like a bra, but less, and very flattering. She had definitely filled out nicely, the prefect handful for me, and you had to admit that I had big hands.

(Haha.)

I stopped myself from licking my lips, but then she began to slip her shorts down and I had to restrain myself from bending down closer for a better look. When she stood, I let slip a quiet,

"Damn." She giggled and hurried closer and I pressed her against me, straining to control myself. She quickly worked my shirt off and I focused for a moment but all I could hear from the rentals room were moans, so I let her continue.

"Your shorts are swim trunks too, so you can hop in." I swatted her behind for teasing me, which cased another memory to rise, and as I ground my hips against her I growled, "I think you've got your revenge." I could smell her wetness, and the need to feel it on my fingers overwhelmed me and I moved quickly, swiveling and pinning her to a shady spot on the side of the house, before sliding my leg between her two and easily moving aside the tiny bottoms so I could slide my fingers home. Her gasp of pleasure made me tighten even more, if that was even possible, and I said, "Maybe I should take my own little revenge. I really like this little thing you are wearing." I punctuated by wiggling my fingers and she bit into my shoulder to muffle her cry.

Every single cell in my body currently resided in my lower head and they all screamed, "Bend her over and fuck her, now!" I voiced my own desire to see what would happen.

"I should just take you, right now. I'll ride you quick, and hard, until we both come." Her head fell back and while she literally gushed around my hand she shook her head,

"N-no! We c-can't!" Her eyes were wide with fear and I pulled back, loosening every hold I had on her, making sure I wasn't hurting her or scaring her. I remembered her recoiling this morning when she saw my anger, and it hurt so bad I never wanted to see that again. Was I getting to caught up? Her body was responding to me, but she wasn't.

"Bella?" Was all I could get out.

"My mom. She could walk out at any moment..." She was trying to evade, I knew that wasn't what she was worried about.

"Bella, I can hear your Mom and Phil right now, and I'd say we have a few more minutes." I traced her cheek bone with my clean hand, "Tell me what scared you."

"I'm not scared. I just don't want to get caught. Lets get in, come on. We need to cool down." She walked ahead of me, and I let her, wondering if I should push this or not.

Bella was really complex. Some things, she could talk about. And others, well, she locked up so quick and than that was it. I waited to see what would happen. We walked down the steps and despite the humid air the water in the pool was very cool, and my poor guy reluctantly retreated, having come in contact with the freezing kryptonite. We pushed out to the deep end, and while I could still put my feet on the bottom and stand, Bella was in up to her neck. I studied her, and she blushed.

"What?" she asked, and I cocked my head.

"What?" I echoed.

"Why are you looking at me like you are trying to figure something out?"

"Because I am trying to figure you out," I said honestly. "Is there something bothering you?" I asked, and I hoped more then anything that she would talk to me. She looked away and I swept her close to me, taking a moment to marvel at the way the water made her feel even more weightless. "Let me be the 'best friend Jake' again. I want to be." She looked up at me and nodded.

"I'm not bothered or anything, it's just that I've been thinking about what you said, and I think we should wait until we get married. Save the best thing, and all. And I know I haven't exactly been making it easy on you, but I didn't think you would really cave. And when I thought you were going to, I did get scared, but not it a bad way. It was more like an "Oh crap!" kinda thing."

She shrugged and I laughed a little.

"Really? That is all?" She nodded. I asked, "Is that really why you want to wait? I've just convinced you to wait all of the sudden?"

She took a moment then said, cautiously, "Well, that, and I was thinking about, you know, what sex is meant for. Procreation and all. And then my Mom gave me the 'grandchild' nudge and I told her no, not until after the wedding. Which I think that is how it should be. I guess I agree with you on a number of points, so we will wait." I began seeing that picture of her again, the one with the big belly, and I pulled her against me and swam backwards with her resting on my hips.

"But once we _are _married..?" I began, then stopped. I was swimming (figuratively) in uncharted territory here, this being something I tried not to think about. She looped her arms around my neck and said,

"Once we are married, then we will let nature take its course," she smiled, and the fact that she just put my deepest most darkest secret want into words and into view caused me to kiss her with all the love and feeling I could muster. We continued until I heard laughter and a throat being cleared.

We pulled apart and Renee waved a bottle at Bella and said, "Sun lotion, baby! You are too white!" She laughed again and Phil began rubbing some onto his wife's shoulders. We made our way back to the steps and out of the pool and I sighed as I watched Bella rubbing the lotion into her skin. I passed the offer, I didn't need that stuff, but I took the bottle from her and began doing her back for her. How much more torture can I guy take, I mean really?

"Wanna try the diving board?" Phil asked and I agreed and followed him since I could use the quick dip. I shivered at the thought and beckoned for him to go first. I kept my eye on Bella as she laughed with her Mom, and I enjoyed myself in the water with her until she stepped out and wrapped up in a towel.

We shared a seat, and I pulled her close to me so she wouldn't feel chilly from being wet. Phil threw a ball at us which I caught and handed to Bella who actually made a decent toss and hit him in the head with it. She threw her head back and laughed and I froze, memorizing every single thing about her in that moment, when she was truly happy. I took a deep breath to calm my heart which had sped up again.

How can this little creature cause so much of a reaction in me? Just seeing her like this, so opposite from what she been like when we first started hanging out, made me feel proud. And the feel of her sitting on me wearing that ridiculously tiny thing was making me want to explode.

My birthday could not get here soon enough, and I mentally counted up the days. Twenty wasn't really a long time. Just Four hundred and eighty hours. I could go without sex for that long. Easy. I swallowed hard as she turned and rubbed against me.

I knew it was going to be the best birthday I've ever had, but this was also going to be the longest three weeks of my life.

~Bella POV~

My first night in Jacksonville was spent in the backyard of their house, and I wouldn't have changed a thing. Phil and Jake manned the grill while I helped my Mom make a salad before we all set outside and ate, giving me a chance to reflect on my surroundings.

Breathing here felt different somehow, it had a unique taste and smell. Part of me longed for Forks, while another part of me wanted to soak up as much sun as possible. I looked at my arms and saw she was right, I was really pale. Especially in comparison to Jake. I frowned and studied Jake's arm and found I envied his rich smooth skin. I traced my eyes up his huge arms to his chlorine fried and sun dried hair then swept over to look at his face. He was joking with Phil, I was lost, but Jake was laughing. It was such a sweet, happy sound, the way it filled the space around you, but not in an obnoxious way. Jake was such an all around win. Everything about him was what I wanted, what I needed, and more then I ever could have deserved to ask for. Everything about him made me want to be near him and be able to love him for always, to please him and make him a happy man...

I snapped out of it because Jake was giving me a quizzical look.

"Got something on me?" he asked as he wiped his mouth with a napkin.

I shook my head and smiled, "Nope, you're prefect. Want another hamburger? I'll make you one." I decided without letting him answer, and I made him one just the way he likes it and handed it to him. I barely noticed my Mom studying me, but I was content to sit and watch Jake so I didn't look over at her.

Why was is it that feeding him can make me feel so satisfied? All I knew was that I wanted to take care of my man the right way for the rest of my life, and lucky for him, I like to cook. He inhaled the burger and finished off his drink and burped, letting me know he was done. He sat back and his eyes fell on me, scanning my body before making eye contact and giving me a hungry look of a different kind.

I looked at my Mom and was about to make up an excuse to go to bed but it seemed like she was already half way there. Phil had scooted her over so she could lay her head on his shoulder, but she sat up when she saw me looking and smiled.

She stood and stretched while saying, "Well kids, I think it's about our bedtime. We are early risers which means we hit the sack kinda early too. But feel free to roam the house, do whatever. You can take the car but don't go far since you don't know your way around yet."

I laughed and said, "Don't worry, we will stay here." I stood and hugged her then let her go so she could hug Jake.

"Whew, you are burning up! I'll turn the air on before I lay down."

Jake said thanks and we all cleaned up the table and kitchen before they finally went upstairs, still saying to make ourselves at home.

We settled onto the couch and turned on the TV. About three minutes later I was flat on my back while Jake covered my face with kisses, whispering over and over that he loved me, while I clung to him and soaked in his love like the heat from his body. It was a very long and intense make out session, and when he laid his head on my heaving breasts I was sure I was more frustrated then ever before. This was silly, I mean, why wait? Who cares about wedding dates and getting pregnant, I just want to _be _with him.

As if he was reading my thoughts Jake slipped his hands around my wrists and held them back before they could take off any clothes.

"Stop trying to break the vow, Bella."

I rubbed my hips against his hard on and whined, "But I want to."

"Well we aren't going to. We are waiting."

I sighed, and went limp. "We are waiting." I repeated and then it was his turn to sigh. We wrapped our arms around each other and pretend to look at the screen, but all I could think about was him.

We cuddled until I fell asleep, and when I groggily woke at a time too early in the morning, I vaguely recalled Jake carrying me up the stairs and laying me in the bed. He held me all night, and even though I woke up with him still with me, I was feeling very uncomfortable.

Well, not me, but my stomach. It was cramping. Ugh. Apparently it is that time of the month. I rolled away from Jake and laid on my back so I could lift my nightshirt, (another one of Jakes,) and I rubbed the achy lower half of my tummy.

"Oww..." I groaned, and Jake's hand slid out, searching for me, so I picked it up and laid it where it hurt and I sighed. It was like a huge heating pad, and I could feel it helping my muscles loosen. "Yeah..." I breathed, and soon fell back asleep.

I had thankfully packed for this, and had the necessary supplies at hand when we did finally drag ourselves out of the bed sometime near noon. Jake stayed with me when I went downstairs and found a note from my Mom saying she'd try to be home early, but that was the best she could do. Jake fed me cereal, seeming to know I needed him to take care of me without my asking.

The day turned out to be a lazy one for all of us. When Mom and Phil got home, we watched movies and ordered Chinese and it was delicious. I told my mom I was cramping, and she understood and told me not to worry, that she had something for it. She brought me a tall glass with a straw sticking out and said,

"Drink this." I sniffed it and it smelled good, but alcoholic.

"What is it?" I asked as I took a sip and realized I was right, but it wasn't too strong.

"I call it the Lady, because it's just for girls. Phil made it for me, once." Her eyes fell on her husband, and she looked lovingly at him for almost a full minute, both of them, smiling.

"And you're okay with me drinking?" I asked her, not really understanding.

"You are a grown up aren't you? And are you telling me that you've never drank before?" My cheeks colored, and I admitted,

"Well, yes, once. At Angela's graduation party. It was kind of an accident really, I thought it was just punch."

Jake laughed. "Yeah, and she sure did love that punch." They all cracked up and I swatted at Jake, then began sipping at my drink. It was really good.

"Wanna sip?" I offered to Jake, but he waved it away.

I looked at my Mom and she said,

"It's okay, you're here, where it's safe."

Jake thought about it, then took one sip. "Yum." But he handed it back to me and wrapped his arm around me and kissed my head. I felt his slow exhalation, and I knew what he was thinking. I was sure my Mom didn't even know how close to home her comment had hit.

I had to admit that I did feel a lot safer here, and even though I was worried about bringing my own personal hell down here with me, at the moment, things felt serenely calm. I decided I would enjoy this as much as I could while we were here, and I shoved everything to the back of my head, and cuddled with Jake as I slowly finished my drink.

It was strange when I realized it was time to go to bed, because it felt like I hadn't even began my day. But thankfully, I slept deep that night, and didn't remember dreaming about anything when I woke up the next morning.

The rest of our days there passed too quickly. Soon, it was Saturday night and my Mom was saying, once again,

"Why don't you spend the summer here? We have plenty of room." While it was a tempting offer, to at least stay for longer, I knew I needed to get back. I was getting nervous again, and while I tried to calm my thoughts, something was nagging at me, weighing on my shoulders.

I was sure the feeling would pass once I got back and saw that everyone was safe for myself.

"I would like to, but Alice really needs me to be there to make the executive decisions."

I was inwardly grateful at the excuse to get back, but I felt guilty as she hugged me tightly and said, "I can't believe you are leaving already."

I managed to not cry until the last minute, when we were about to board, during the final hug. Jake rubbed my shoulders as the tears continued as we walked away. When we were seated and alone Jake leaned in and whispered, "We will come back really soon, I promise. We could even do a honey moon here, if you wanted."

I nodded. "Thanks." He still looked concerned so I tried to get a grip on myself and said, "I'm fine, really."

His hot hand cupped my face, "Is there anything else bothering you?" I sighed. This kid could really see right through me.

"I'm just worried about everything... You know, back home."

He nodded. "But don't, okay? You have other things you need to think about. Stop wasting so much energy and relax." His lips heated mine up then he laid his head back and closed his eyes, looking completely at ease. I elbowed him but I wasn't even sure if he felt the force behind it because he just smiled.

The flight was long, and I couldn't sleep. I felt antsy. I wanted to get out of this small space and breathe fresh air and see my Dad and Edward...

I stopped myself right there. I knew I shouldn't be thinking those things, I shouldn't care what was going on with him. I didn't want to care...

Jake woke up about an hour before we were supposed to land, and I knew he knew I hadn't slept any when he took one look at me and shook his head. He sighed and said, "You know, I'm really going to miss this."

"What?" I asked, and he looked at me.

"It's just having you all to myself this week... It kinda spoiled me. I liked it. No worries, no responsibilities. It was like old times, with me and you." His face was beautifully happy for a moment, but then it darkened. "But now we have to go back. And I have to share you... With them... And I don't want to." He admitted, and my heart ached.

He was so in tune with me, he knew how hard it was for me when it came to Edward, and even when I tried to hide it, he knew. And though I wanted nothing more then to stop what was causing him pain, I wasn't sure if I really had it in me to say goodbye to him forever, when every time I've tried, I've failed. I hugged his arm and whispered,

"Don't worry, you can have me all to yourself anytime you want."

"I think I'll hold you to that."

Once we were finally off the plane I began feeling drowsy, and I leaned most of my weight into Jake, who easily supported it. When we saw Alice and Jasper and made our way closer Jake tensed, but I didn't think anything of it because I was suddenly overwhelmed by a sense of peace, and calm. While I should have found this relaxing, when I looked at Alice's beautiful face, alarm bells began sounding in my head.

"Alice." I asked quietly, with no where near as much urgency as I meant there to be. "What is wrong?"

"Everything is fine." Jasper informed me, and my eyes snapped to him. "Why don't we head to the car?" Jake steered me along, for I had gone numb. I couldn't take in anything around me, or feel my legs, all I knew was that something was wrong, and I couldn't even feel anything other then serenity. I glared at Jasper but he smiled at me as we walked out into the late night.

A tear slipped past my eye lid, and I was glad his mind powers couldn't control that.

A/N: Ahh, cliffy! Sorry about that. Reviews, please? I promise to put a rush on the next chapter! PLEASE let me know what you think, on everything.

~Jessica


	48. Chapter 48: Time Flies

Chapter 48: Time Flies

"Jasper," I said once we were in the car. "Can you cut that out?"

"We just want you to stay calm, Bella." Alice answered, but I shook my head.

"No, stop, I can't stand it!" Jake broke in,

"Leave her alone, she is strong enough to deal. Now tell us, what happened." Alice was driving so Jasper turned to glare at Jake. "Please." He added, then Jasper finally spoke.

"There was a breech in our defenses. They made it to your house."

"Oh God, no! Charlie!" I squeezed Jake's arm with my hand.

"He is fine, nothing happened to him." Alice assured me, but when her eyes had been away from the road for when I felt like was for too long she made a show of paying attention, though I still caught the glances she threw me in the mirror. At least the mood control wasn't happening anymore and I could feel a lot of different emotions rising inside me.

"Who do you mean by 'they?'" Jake asked, and I was glad he was here to ask the questions I needed answered.

"Victoria. And two other bodyguards. Unknown."

"And you let them all get away?" Jake snarled before hissing an insult under his breath. Jasper laughed and mumbled something I couldn't here before the two were face to face with pure hatred etched into their eyes.

"Stop." I whispered, and Jake looked at me.

"Sorry." He took a deep calming breath and I looked down at his hands to see them unclench.

"Please, just give us the whole story, I can't take this right now." Alice began speaking quickly, and I was glad to hear it form her since I wasn't sure if Jasper could contain himself anymore. He was still as a stone as he stared out of the passenger window. I could see his reflection, making him look even more ghost like.

"She came last night. We were lucky you were gone, we might have been too late... But anyway, she came in through your window and freaked when you weren't there. Charlie heard her in there pitching a fit and went to your room with his shotgun and blasted her. She flew out of the window and her guards followed. The pack was already on their way so she vanished from my vision a few moments after that, so we don't know where she went. Jazz and I were there moments later but they were gone. Charlie was shaken up, and demanded answers, which Carlisle gave him." I gasped and felt my heart skip. "We had no choice, Bella! He saw her, and shot her, and she still ran. He is a cop, he would have announced this to the whole world if we had not explained and then where would we be? We managed to convince him to keep quiet and that we could protect both of you, and he wasn't happy about being lied to, but he knows you did for a reason."

"If anything happens to him, I will never forgive myself." Jake hugged me and whispered that it was okay, but I knew it wasn't. Why did I think it would be a good idea to go to Florida? Is it not enough that I am endangering everyone I love and everyone who lives in Forks, for that matter, but why did I risk bringing it down there? "We have to find her, Alice, and stop her. We have to let her know I am back so she won't go hunting for me. What about my Mom? There is no one there to protect her!"

"Your Mom will be fine, don't worry."

"Stop! Don't tell me not to worry, okay, because that is not going to happen. How can I not worry, when something like this happens? That was too close, and I can't sit back and watch it happen any longer. I want to know everything. What we know, what happened with pack, everything. If there is anything else I don't know, tell me now." She didn't even move a muscle. "There is more, I know it." I said, but she finally shook her head.

"Bella, I promise that you know everything you need to know." Her wording didn't calm my fears, it confirmed them.

"What about Edward, did he learn anything from them? Their plans, where they are staying, anything?" She carefully said,

"No. He wasn't there."

"What?" I gasped. "Where was he?"

"I don't know, you will have to ask him."

"I will." I crossed my arms and seethed. He promised me he would watch my Dad, and he almost dies, but Edward was no where near? "The pack. Are they okay?" I glanced at Jake and knew he must be worried, at least a little.

"Of course, they are fine. They chased them til the trail went cold, then came back. Charlie knows about that too, just so you know." Jake's head shot up,

"Hey, you aren't allowed to go around telling people about us!" Alice shot him a dark look over her shoulder,

"I didn't tell him anything, Sam did. Charlie was a little peeved about all the lost hours he had spent hunting the wolves, but that was about it."

"Charlie took it all like a champ, I was very impressed. I didn't even have to calm him down until he realized this was the world you were so mixed up in."

"And now he is mixed up in it too." Pain laced my heart. Jake kissed my forehead.

Charlie was up when we arrived. He jumped up from his seat and hugged me for a long time, and I cried again. I was so glad he was here, so that I could hug him back. I needed to do that more often. The talking part wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.

Jake excused himself so he could go see his Dad and to get the whole story, no doubt. Before he left he shook Charlies hand and I walked him to the door, out of his sight. He ran his hands through my hair over and over and I pressed my forehead on to his shoulder.

"I'll stay if you need..." he began, but I stopped him.

"No, you need to go see your family." He looked out of the window panes,

"I don't want to leave you... Maybe you should come with me."

"Not right now. Listen, I want to fix all this, I don't like everyone not getting along. You go now, then tomorrow we can both head out to La Push and set everything right. Okay?" It was hard for me to convince him to leave, but I knew how important this was to him, and I really did want to get back on speaking terms with everyone again.

"I won't be gone long." He said, so I drew my eyes to his.

"You are coming back? For the night?" I asked, hopeful.

"Yes. You will be protected while I'm gone, don't worry." He glanced out side and I knew someone was out there, probably Alice.

"I wish everyone would stop saying that." I griped.

"Well maybe everyone wishes you would stop worrying." I glared at him. "Just saying." He kissed my lips and poked my ribs, making me giggle before I kissed him back. He pulled away too soon and said, "But I do need to go so I can hurry back. I love you." He kissed me again, muffling my response then said, "Save it for when I get back."

Then he left the house, taking all his warmth with him. I walked back into the kitchen, to Charlie. He put my favorite mug down on the table and I sat and gratefully wrapped my hands around it. One sip told me it was just right.

"Thanks for the coffee, Dad. It's perfect."

"No problem. It's just good to see you back." I looked at him and said,

"Aw, don't tell me you are gonna get all sentimental on me. I told you I'd be back." I took a long sip, letting the brew warm me from the inside.

"I was hoping Renee wouldn't sell you on the whole 'sun' thing."

"She tried," I admitted. "But I told her I had to come home." He nodded. I decided to just say it, and get it over with. "So, now you know."

"Now I know." He repeated.

"Was it like anything you had dreamed?" he laughed.

"Nope. I kinda wish..." He trialed off and I nodded.

"I know." He chuckled again and so did I.

"Why didn't you ever tell me? It must have been hard..."

"Yeah, but something like hat just doesn't come up in conversation. And I thought I was keeping you safe, by not telling you everything. But I know that was actually really stupid of me, and I am sorry. I was so scared to go away, and leave you here. I knew something bad was going to happen..."

"Nothing bad happened. Not a scratch on anyone."

"Thankfully." I drank some more coffee and wondered what he was thinking about, but I knew he would say it when he was ready.

"Bells?" I mumbled into my cup. "You never thought about... Becoming one of the Cullen's, did you?" I couldn't meet his eyes.

"Don't worry," I said those annoying words quietly, "That was never meant to be for me." I was glad when he looked relieved, even though my heart ached a little. But that was all in the past now, something best not thought of. "Well, I need to get some things unpacked, and I'm feeling kinda tired."

"I bet. Go on, I'll see you in the morning." I hugged him tightly before I went upstairs. When I hit the landing and saw my closed bedroom door, I skidded to a halt. I did not want to open that door.

"Everything is fine." He said from behind me, making me jump. "Alice tried to set it all right."

He walked forward and slowly opened the door to revile basically the same room that I had left, only it was a lot cleaner. I walked in and swept everything, only finding one thing that was out of place. There was a blank off color spot on the wall where my drawing hung, and I looked around for it. I walked to my desk, finding the cracked frame with no glass. The picture was wrinkled and torn, and I messed it up even more when my tear landed on it. Charlie closed the door behind me and I was thankful for the privacy. I slid my pants and bra off so I would be comfortable and walked to my bed clutching the precious piece of paper to my chest and curled up. I kept my sobs almost silent, and wondered when Jake would be back.

I hadn't been alone for long when I felt a knowing breeze flow through my room.

"Welcome home." Edward's voice was as beautiful as ever, and I took a moment to compose myself. "I'm glad you are back." He whispered, and I rolled my raw eyes.

"You knew I would be coming back." A soft chuckle.

"I wish." I slowly sat up off the bed. He looked small somehow, sitting in the rocking chair he had sat in so many times before.

"So you were gone?" I asked, and he nodded.

"I apologize. I broke another promise I made you. I will never forgive myself for what might have happened... I hardly expect you to." I lowered my head and tried to ignore the guilt I was feeling. He was obviously in pain, and I knew it was because of me.

"I just don't understand... You said you would watch him and I trusted you. Where were you?" I looked up to see he had closed his eyes. I was burning to know the answer, but I managed to hold out.

"I've been trying to come to terms with everything. Starting with myself. It's hard to do with everyone in my head all the time. I was being selfish by removing myself, just for a little bit of quiet." I inched forward, but stopped myself.

"I... I'm sorry. I didn't know that was why..."

"Bella, shh. How could you have? I am not trying to excuse myself in any way. In fact, I am prepared for you to be very angry with me."

"I'm not mad anymore." I admitted. "At least everyone is okay." He nodded.

"And I know you've heard me say this before, but I promise I will keep you and your Dad safe. No harm will ever come to you will I exist." I shook my head,

"You don't have to make me any more promises." I remembered what Jake had told me in Florida. "I've got Jake, so I'll be fine. He will take care of everything." Edward's face turned to stone.

"Of course. I was only offering, should you need any help." I only nodded. "Did you have a nice vacation?" He asked nicely, and I smiled.

"Yes. It was just what we needed." I saw it again, the pain in him, and it cut me to the bone. I didn't mean for it to happen, and yet I kept doing it.

"You look fantastic. Sun suits you." He was being so polite that it was almost frustrating.

"How can you do it?" I asked, seriously. He waited, and I continued, "How can you act like nothing is bothering you, when it really is?"

"I do it because I have to. Acting is part of who I am, Bella. It's like a second nature."

"Well what if I don't want you to act around me? What if I just want you to be who you are?" He laughed at me.

"Because who I am is a vampire, and you don't want me to act like that. Also because you would not wish for me to say some of the things that I think, so I say only the thoughts that I know won't bother you. Trust me, it's better this way."

"Maybe for you, but not for me. That hardly sounds like a true friendship." His only response was to stiffen, but I didn't have anything else to say.

"Which of my true selves do you want to be friends with, Bella? The one that wants to kill you? The one that could, a hundred different ways, do it without you even noticing until it was already too late?" I blinked and he was in front of me. "Before you could even utter a sound?" I shivered, and still did not speak.

"Perhaps the one who is in love with you? I could spill my heart, if you wanted, tell you that your sun kissed skin is the most delectable shade I've ever seen and that I can tell your hair is even lighter now. If I were to go that far, I would also throw in that sitting even this far from you is taking up most of my will power when I'm so close to reaching out and affirming that you really have come back..." His hand floated towards me, but hovered in mid air. "Because I didn't know if you really would. But I am content to drink you in, and to memorize everything about you in this instance; The way you are leaning in closer towards me, the way your hair has fallen poetically all around your face. I can see the outline of your nipples pushing against your shirt and there is nothing hiding your legs from me..." I turned red under his gaze and squeezed my legs together, having forgotten about that.

"Or I can just ignore the way you are nervously spinning your ring around your finger and the urge to take your hands and hold them, and I can not tell you every little thing that I am thinking and spare us both the pain it causes, because even if I am censoring my words or my behavior, I am still myself when I am with you, Bella. Don't doubt that." I nodded,

"Of course, you're right. I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to accuse..."

"Bella, do me one favor, okay? Stop apologizing." I laughed.

"Alright, alright." He smiled at me and we both stared at each other for a minute. When I pulled my eyes away it was so I could stifle a yawn, but Edward wasn't deceived. He stood, and so did I, regretting it slightly when his eyes raked me up and down, but I wasn't worried about it.

"I'll be right outside your window until he gets back." He took one step closer to me. "So if you need anything..." I nodded. He gestured to the bed, "I'll tuck you in." I sat down then laid back and let him pull the sheet over me. His finger tips brushed my cheek and he whispered, "Sleep good." I heard the faint click of the window sliding shut and I let out the breath I had been holding. I rolled over facing the window and tried not to think about what he had said and the fact that he was right out there.

I couldn't have been asleep long when I woke to someone else in my room. It was pitch black but I used my other senses, and realized I could smell his scent, and hear his rhythmic breathing. "Jake?" I begged into the blackness, and in seconds he was right beside me.

"I'm right here, honey." He whispered, and I clung to him, pulling him so that he was laying down with me.

"Why aren't you in bed?" I asked sleepily.

"I was just thinking, that's all." He whispered quietly as he cuddled up with me.

"About what?" I questioned and he said,

"You." I could hear him smiling, and I did as well.

"Oh. Hows Billy and everyone?" I asked, wanting to know for sure everyone was okay before I went back to sleep.

"All fine. They are looking forward to seeing us tomorrow..." He said, and I sighed as I snuggled closer.

"Good. I'll make a few batches of brownies to take with us, then hopefully everyone will forgive and forget."

"I'm sure they already have, Bella." I sighed.

"Well fine, but I'm still making brownies." he chuckled.

"That sounds really good."

"Mmhum." Jake rolled on his side and kissed me before laying his head next to mine. Right before sleep took me I said, "Hey, Jake?" He made a rumbling noise in the back of his throat. "I love you." He kissed me again.

"Love you more."

With no school to measure the days by, they all passed quickly and pleasantly. Things changed a lot from how they were before. Jake and I were always surrounded by people, for one. We spent most days in La Push, and the rest with Alice going over details. I made Jake and Charlie dinner every night, and every night Jake stayed with no questions asked.

It seemed like I actually owed the most recent Victoria attack a lot, because not only had it brought Jake and his family back together, but it helped unite the Cullens' and the Pack, at least somewhat. After much discussion, Sam and Carlisle decided to keep true to the saying that "The enemy of my enemy is my friend" and would work together to see her eliminated which was a huge relief to me.

The hardest part of our first week back was talking with Sam. We did take them brownies, and Emily was fine with acting like nothing had changed, but it was hard to ignore the fact that Jake was now separated from them. And even though he bragged about not having to follow orders and having privacy to the boys, I saw the look in his eyes when they phased and ran off together and I knew he missed it. But everyone seemed happy to have him back around, and soon it felt like old times, like we were all one big family. When I told Jake that one night he said,

"We are one family Bella, or will be once we get married." The thought of having so many people was mind boggling to me, coming from a broken home and being an only child, but I was thankful that I had found a place to fit in.

At the end of the first week back it seemed I was still getting surprises. Jake and I had drove to our new house to do a walk through and make a list of all that needed to be done, and while we had started together, I somehow ended up in the kitchen drawing out the floor plan and coming up with the best way to organize my first very kitchen while Jake was in the garage tinkering around and finding some useful stuff and some junk. I was debating on where the appliances should sit when I heard a knock on the door. I waited a moment and thankfully Jake heard because he came flying up the steps. He glanced at me then made his way to the door while I followed. He held out his hand, telling me to stop, so I hung back, but I stayed where I could see. He was almost close enough to peek through when we heard,

"I can here you lumbering around in there, Jacob, now open the door, it's hot out here." My eyebrows raised in shock as Jake rolled his eyes and flung the door open.

"What do you want, Leah?" She laughed

"Nice to see you too, jerk." She saw me, "Hey, Bella." She smiled a little and I beamed. I hadn't had much time to talk to Leah since we had been back, but when we did I really enjoyed it.

"Hey, I'm glad you are here!" I said honestly and she picked up a box and tossed it at Jake who caught it with ease even though it looked really heavy.

"I only came because my Mom made me bring this crap by. Blankets, dishes, towels, stuff like that." Jake sat the box down on the kitchen table and I rummaged inside.

"Wow, this is awesome, thank you so much." I smacked Jake's arm and he cleared his throat,

"Yeah, tell your mom we appreciate it. I'll be down stairs, Bella, I just found my Gran Dad's old tool box and I can't wait to see what's in it." He kissed my cheek then waved to Leah. She was looking around, anywhere but at me, and I started to feel a little nervous.

"Would you like to sit down?" She thought for a minute then said,

"Sure." And hopped up on the counter next to where my notebook was and she cocked her head so she could look at it.

"Are you thirsty or anything? All I have is tap water." I admitted, and she said,

"Water is fine, that's really all I drink." I was glad and I quickly found some glasses.

"You should put your dishes here." She said, pointing at the page. "Instead of here." I walked over and looked down at my crappy drawing. "Your dishwasher is right here, so you should keep them above it, that would be easier to unload." I nodded,

"You're right, thanks." I flipped the pencil around and scrubbed the paper while she observed the kitchen.

"It's cool you've got your own place." I agreed,

"You'll have your own one day too." I told her, and she laughed bitterly.

"Probably not. I'll never get married, so I'll just live with my Mom, and help her take care of the family." I wasn't sure what to say, and she hopped off the counter and stood at the sink, looking out at the backyard. "It's nice and quiet out here. I like it." I smiled.

"Yeah, me too. Feel free to come by anytime. Well, I mean, we don't officially live here yet, but I would like it if you came around." She nodded.

"I guess. At least it will annoy the heck out of Jacob." She laughed and I saw how beautiful she really was when she smiled.

"There's always that." I smiled to myself, and hoped that she was looking forward to becoming better friends, just like I was.

We talked for almost an hour before Jake came back up and said he was ready to go. Leah stood from the table where we had been sitting and mumbled about needing to get back too. I hastily wrote my cell number on a napkin and said,

"If you need to get in touch with me, or Jake." She nodded and made her way out ahead of us, leaving Jake and I to stare at the door she had just shut.

"So, you like Leah now?" Jake asked, and I smacked him.

"I've always liked Leah. But yeah, that was the most fun I've had talking with someone since I talked to my Mom... It was nice." I smiled and Jake grumbled. "What?" he shrugged.

"I don't know, I guess I'm just used to having you all to myself. And I don't really miss having to be around Leah and all her drama." I put my hands on my hips.

"Well, how do you think she feels?" He covered his eyes with his hands and said,

"I really don't care, but I bet you are about to tell me anyways."

"Yes I am. How do you think it would feel if you lost the one person in the world that you ever loved to someone that you can't even compete with?" he sobered up. "And then you have to be around it all the time, everything you lost, everything you could have had, just staring you in the face." I tried to stop myself from getting to emotional. "I think she deserves a place where she can go and just relax and forget, don't you?"

"Yes. You are absolutely right. I'm sorry if I was acting like an ass..."

"No, I'm being over emotional right now, but I'm trying not to be. I just want to be her friend, and she's letting me, so don't be mean or do anything to mess this up for me."

"Okay, but you have to understand that Leah is as annoying as a sister to me, so even when we bicker don't take it wrong, that's just how we are." I remembered her wanting to bug him, and I smiled and nodded.

"Thank you." I slid myself into his arms and he tightened his hold on me. I hugged him as hard as I could, but when I took a deep breath of dust I started sneezing.

"Sorry, it was dusty down there. Lets go back to your Dad's and get cleaned up." He took my hand and led the way, and I waited by the door as he locked up and I searched the surrounding area, looking for anything or anyone that might be a danger. When Jake caught me he scolded me,

"Bella, can you just stop being so paranoid?" I shook my head,

"Can't you stop being so relaxed?"

"Nope. Because I would know about ten times sooner then you if something bad _was_ going to happen, so wait until I start tensing at least. Okay?" He opened my truck door and closed me in, so I didn't reply. I tired not to glance around too much, but I was still a little uncomfortable... Jake pulled me over to him and gave me one of his earth shattering kisses, making my world spin out of control for a second, then expertly started our truck. He looked over at me for awhile, and I knew he was worrying about me. I felt bad for that and tried to make it easier for him.

"I'll try to relax. Really, I will. I guess I just feel so weak, and helpless... And like a burden." I turned my face to the window because I hated to say that out loud.

"Hon-ey..." Jake dragged out. "No. Don't you ever think that. You are stronger then you know."

"I hope so." I whispered.

"I know so." He tugged on my arm and I slid over next to him and rested my hand on his thigh. "Do you trust me?"

I sighed. "Of course."

"I promise you, if you just put a little faith in me, that I can take care of you, of everything." I looked up at him and said with complete honesty,

"You have more then a little, Jake. You are my only hope in the world." I kissed him and noticed him shiver a little. I smiled, glad to know I had that effect on him. "Now drive, so I can feed you." He laughed and kissed me one more time before pulling off.

That night, after dinner, I dozed on Jake's shoulder while he and Charlie talked about sports and other boring guy stuff. I was drifting between the dream world and reality when I heard my name, but I was so comfortable that I didn't move, I just listened.

"... don't trust him, and I don't want him around her."

"I don't think it's a big deal at this point. I doubt hes capable of hurting her anymore then he already has, and as long as I'm around I'll make sure he doesn't."

My Dad didn't sound convinced. "I don't know, Jacob."

"I'll keep an eye on him, sir, promise."

"Thanks, son. At least I know she is in good hands. Night."

"Thank you sir, good night."

He sat there silently holding me, for a long time. When he did finally scoop my legs up and stand, I opened my eyes and saw he was deep in thought, but he smiled when he saw me looking.

"Go back to sleep, I've got you."

"I know you do." He laid me down and I yawned and wrapped myself around him. "Thanks Jake. I love you." He let out a ragged breath.

"Love you."

And so the days continued to go by. I was never alone, not even for a second. As long as those seconds were with Jake, I didn't mind, but now he was back to running off with the pack on some days, and those seconds drug by to the point of insanity. No amount of busy work was enough to take my find far from him, and where he might be and if he was okay. Alice tried to distract me, but it hardly helped.

I knew this was unhealthy. Everyone thought so and I couldn't blame them. But I tried to control my emotions and at least not let every last one show to those around me. But when he left, it was as if my air was cut off. How do I fix that?

I did the best I could. Even though it hurt like hell. No one ever tells you this part, about love, everyone knows about the happy part, no one ever mentions how bad it hurts. Or maybe that was just me. Hmm, now there's a depressing thought.

"Bella!" Snapped Alice, and she sighed dramatically. "Do you even _bother _listening to me?" I looked around and saw we had just pulled up to her house, and I blushed a little.

"Sorry." I mumbled, and she started rambling again,

"You know sometimes I feel like I'm talking to a brick wall. You may want to try not to be so self centered, it isn't always pleasant for the rest of us." I glared at her and she hushed.

"It's hard for me to get my mind off... Things." She laughed,

"Oh, I know honey. But it's really not that much longer now. Oh now that I have your attention, I thought you'd like to know the dress has arrived!" She hopped in the air and clapped her hands, then looked at me expectantly, "The dress, Bella, your wedding dress!"

"Ohh, that dress! Um, good. I suppose you want me to try it on?" I asked, and she hopped again,

"Right now!" And shooed me in the house.

A few minutes later I had been slid into the softest, clingiest, most beautiful dress I had ever seen. On top of the silk was intricate lace work, and it flowed down to my legs where it opened a little more, and continued down to the floor where it pooled around me. I looked like a bizarre white flower blooming in the middle of Alice's room/closet. It was strapless, and my boobs were basically on display.

"I thought we agreed on something with a top?" I groaned and tried to pull it up in an attempt to hind more skin. "My Dad _is _gonna see me in this." I looked over to see her and Rosalie just staring at me. "What?" I became afraid, "It's no good, is it? I can't pull this off..."

"No, it's perfect." Alice whispered and her hands covered her mouth. I looked in the mirror again and Rosalie said,

"Wow, Alice, you know how to throw a girl a wedding. Bella, you look stunning." I could see her smile in the reflection and I did too. They came forward and started fussing with me, but the distraction was officially over, because I already drifting back off into my mind so that I could think about Jake. I hardly noticed that their conversation was now held as if I wasn't even there.

"Should we leave her hair down?" Alice muttered and Rosalie said,

"No, its summer, it's in a back yard, she needs it up."

"True." She thought for a moment. "We can get a hundred little sparkly clips and pin it up, that would look lovely." The feel of their hands shifting my hair took me back to Jake petting my head and then I was gone.

After a little while, Alice suggested I take it off, but I didn't want to.

"Well, if you insist, at least try the shoes on that came with it." I sat down and groaned when I saw what she meant by 'shoes.' She hurriedly put them on my feet while I said,

"Alice, those aren't shoes, they are a death trap. Do you want me to fall and break my neck on my wedding day?"

"Don't be ridiculous. Stand up!" She pulled me up and I wobbled on the high heels and had to adjust my body weight so I didn't fall. I practiced walking for about five minutes and felt like my ankles were either gonna break or give out on me and I couldn't contain my frustration when I tripped for the umpteenth time.

"Why, Alice? I can not wear these.." I sat back down and kicked them as far away from my feet as I could and flat out refused to wear them ever again. As she picked them up and put them back in the box she said,

"You have to, they were almost as much as the dress. You'll do fine Bella, just walk around in them some more later." I sighed and ran my hands over the dress one more time before she talked me into taking it off.

When it was time for Alice to drive me back home she said, "So, have you thought about what you are going to give Jake for his birthday?" I raised my eyebrows,

"Um, no, actually. I've been thinking about the wedding."

"I thought so, that is why I mentioned it. I can't really 'help' you so I thought you might need time to think about it. Even though its only three days, four hours and twenty seven minutes away!" I gasped. That much time had already gone by? There wasn't much time left and I did want to get something really great for Jake, other then getting married.

Oh my God!

Alice dropped me off and I ran up the sidewalk and to the door and right into Jake's arms, like we were two magnets snapping together. I kissed him deeply and when he sat me down I smiled up at him.

"Whats gotten into you?" He laughed as we walked inside and I squealed and said,

"We are getting married!"


End file.
